00:00Well, you can't tell about people just, you know, by looking at them.
00:03You got to talk to somebody five minutes and you can walk away and think, well, that guy was an idiot.
00:10Thank y'all for applauding, because y'all don't know me.
00:16That's weird when that happens, you know, people just, yay.
00:27I mean, you don't know.
00:28I could be evil.
00:34I could have people tied up in my basement right now.
00:42And y'all just, yay.
00:48But anyway, I appreciate y'all doing that.
00:51I mean, this is my first time in this room.
00:55This room is, is this where they filmed Blazin' Saddles?
01:07It might be.
01:09You don't know.
01:09But anyway, my name is Ricky Mochel, and I'm, you know, I'm up here because people just, you know, they say that I should be up here.
01:21But I, I think about stuff.
01:33I do.
01:33I got a mind on me.
01:38It's a burden.
01:39You wouldn't believe the stuff I think about.
01:46I could be thinking about something right now.
01:48You don't know.
01:49The, the, the, the people that think they know, don't know.
01:57And the people that know they don't know, they know.
02:01That's Chinese.
02:12It is.
02:18I'm, I'm not Chinese.
02:20I'm, um, I'm American.
02:23And, um, well, I'm, I, I had that jean thing done, you know, where they trace your jeans.
02:29And I'm, like, mostly, like, English, Irish, and then, like, a Scandinavian.
02:36And then something that they can't identify.
02:50And that explains why every time I see a UFO, I wave.
02:57No, I just made that up.
02:59Man.
03:02Man.
03:03There's some good looking women here tonight.
03:10There's got to be.
03:16No, I'm just teasing.
03:19I can't see past the first two rows.
03:21It might be different after that.
03:22I don't know.
03:23No, I'm just teasing.
03:28I get around, I don't know, I get around a bunch of women, you know, I just, I don't know.
03:33I can't be serious around a woman.
03:35Especially a group of them.
03:38You know, what's the point?
03:39If you, if you want a woman to leave you alone, just be serious.
03:51She'll find something else to do.
03:57Women want to laugh.
03:58They want to have a good time, you know.
04:00They do.
04:01Women, and women laugh more than men do.
04:07That's a fact.
04:11Probably.
04:17But that's, that's probably why y'all live longer than we do.
04:21But who are you laughing at us?
04:29You're laughing at men, so.
04:33Y'all need us to live.
04:39If y'all were funnier, we could live longer.
04:41But no, we, we just amuse y'all and die.
05:00Then y'all go find some other clown.
05:06But women probably laugh more than men do because of how they're built.
05:11I mean, women are built different than men.
05:15I mean, yeah.
05:19They're trying to make them the same now, but they're not.
05:31Have you, have you ever seen a picture of like a woman's organs in a health book?
05:39You know, have, they have those pages that are see-through pages and they're like, they'll have a lung on one page and then a spleen on the next page.
05:47And it's like, but women's bodies are just jammed with stuff up and just, you know.
05:52It's like looking up under the hood of a Lexus.
06:00There's no room to work on nothing.
06:02And so there might be like a little extra gland or something up in there that's squirting out laugh juice.
06:15And doctors don't even know about it.
06:16Maybe they just think it's gristle.
06:18About the size of a raisin.
06:30And you know how like 13-year-old girls get the giggles and they can't quit laughing?
06:35That's because their raisins are fresh.
06:46You get an 85-year-old raisin, you got dried fruit.
06:53You might as well cut that out and put it on your cereal.
06:55I like women and I married one.
07:10My wife is, my wife's name's Kimbra and she's, she's a real character.
07:18She, I met her on one of those dating websites.
07:26I mean, you know, it was called Slobber Swappers.
07:35I mean, it's not the cheapest, but it wasn't the most expensive either.
07:38I mean, but really, really we met, it was weird though.
07:45We met twice before that.
07:47I mean, the first time I met her, it was after I put my pressure washer for sale on Craigslist.
07:55And the phone rang.
07:57I picked it up and this voice said, you still got that pressure washer?
08:00And I said, well, yeah, I just took my finger off the button.
08:06And she's like, and then 10 minutes later, she's at my door, you know, knocks on the door, open the door.
08:11She says, you still got that pressure washer?
08:12And I said, well, didn't I just talk to you?
08:15She was like, and she wanted to see the pressure washer, you know, and I took her out there and showed it to her.
08:23And she said, would you crank it up for me?
08:25And I was like, she don't even know how to crank it.
08:30But she did know how to use it.
08:32She just didn't want to crank it, you know.
08:33So I cranked it up for her and she just started.
08:36She went to town on my front porch.
08:38She started doing the bricks, you know, went down the steps and started doing my driveway, you know.
08:44And I was like, no, it's not paved.
08:58I finally got her attention.
09:00She looked up and she's covered in mud.
09:02And that's when I got interested in her.
09:12But I forgot about her, you know, about three or four months later, I decided I wanted a girlfriend.
09:19So I went on the website, you know, and her profile picture is the first one I pulled up.
09:27And it was like, I knew it was her right away because in the picture, she was standing beside the pressure washer.
09:32I don't know, you know, I guess like she looked at men's, you know, picture men are always holding up a fish or something.
09:50Anyway, she's, we get along good.
09:53She's, she likes it.
09:55She called me, she called me.
09:56Oh no, she texted me a few minutes ago and she said, what's the temp?
10:00And I texted back and said, well, that's an abbreviation for temperature.
10:11And she texted back a smiley face that was goofy looking.
10:16And so that's our relationship.
10:18You know, I can smart off and she likes it, you know.
10:24And she likes it when I change up my voice.
10:26I can change up my voice, you know.
10:28And she'll say, you know, we'll be driving down the road, you know.
10:33And she'll get that look in her eyes and she'll say, do that voice.
10:37You know, and I may not even, you know, be in the mood to do it, but I'll have to do it, you know.
10:44And I'll just be driving, you know, and I'll say something like,
10:46Can Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance?
11:04She'll be all over me.
11:06Now, when I was a kid, you know, first started driving and dating and girls would want to kiss me and everything.
11:18I'd make them behave.
11:20I'd get back, you know, because I was afraid.
11:22I didn't want to wreck.
11:24But now I got the skill.
11:25I can do two things.
11:33Well, I'm, yeah, I'm from, I'm not from around here.
11:40I grew up in Georgia, but I live in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
11:43Y'all, are y'all from there?
11:48North Carolina.
11:49North Carolina.
11:49South Carolina.
11:50Yeah, cool.
11:52Very good.
11:53Well, I've lived all over, though.
11:56Name, name a state.
11:58New York.
11:59New York.
12:00No.
12:03Anybody else?
12:04Montana.
12:05No.
12:08Maryland.
12:09Maryland, no, I've never.
12:11You know, I've only lived in four states, but I thought you'd hit on them.
12:26Yeah, it's fun, fun living in the South, except for the humidity and all, you know.
12:33Yeah, sick of it.
12:38I don't know.
12:38I've sort of been in a bad mood lately, because it just kind of hit me lately that we've, we've never, in the country and all, we've never been this stupid.
12:57And this, it started, it started dawning on me slow, like, a few years ago.
13:02Did y'all, y'all remember this happened?
13:03This was in Maryland.
13:04Remember this?
13:06A second grader was suspended from school for eating his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.
13:16I'm not making that up.
13:18That means that some teacher, somebody, you know, who's been out through school, walked by that lunchroom table and saw that and went,
13:26That could have gone off.
13:34So that year, I paid my taxes with a little Debbie shape like a $50 bill.
13:38And my, when I heard that, my first thought was, how realistic was it?
13:55That kid should have been given a scholarship, not a suspension.
13:58You know what I think is making people stupid?
14:05The news.
14:09You watch the news.
14:11All of it.
14:12At the end of it, if you ain't stupider,
14:15it's just because you got distracted.
14:19It's this thing, now this crazy thing, now out of nowhere, this thing, and people try to make sense of it, you know,
14:31and it makes them nervous, and then they have to take medication that they see advertised on the news.
14:38That's a thought loop.
14:39You remember this happened, like this, maybe you don't know about this one, but in Houston, a guy in Houston robbed a pawn shop.
14:49They said when he did it, he had his social security number tattooed to his forehead.
14:55I'm not making that up.
14:56Not just the last four numbers.
15:01But this is what bothers me about it.
15:03They can't find him.
15:09I mean, don't be surprised if tomorrow, when the wall is finished,
15:21with cases of Bud Light,
15:25but only on Fox,
15:31and when the world blows up because of X, that used to be a tweet,
15:37but only on CNN,
15:39and when TikTok-addicted wind farm deniers
15:43help Harvey Weinstein escape from the Anthony Wiener Clinic
15:48by eating Tide Pods in a Prius,
15:53don't be all OMG
15:57if Mike Lindell, the inventor of my pillow,
16:03kidnaps Tom Cruise with a drone
16:08hacked by non-binary Ukrainian whistleblowers,
16:15body slams him into the back of a driverless Uber car
16:19that drives itself into a transnational restroom
16:25where Wiki leaked
16:27a dash cam video of Dr. Fauci giving Benadryl
16:34to Bill Cosby
16:35at Lizzo's house.
16:50I know.
16:51And everything got stupider after that stupid lockdown.
16:57That's what we should call it from now on.
16:59Just say, oh yeah, that was back during the stupid lockdown.
17:04Because it was stupid.
17:06It's just, oh my God, I can't believe it.
17:14The only thing good out of it is that I finally admitted to myself
17:18during the lockdown that I really love potato chips.
17:26And I realized that the only way the news makes any sense
17:30is if you turn down the sound
17:32and watch it through a mask.
17:40And people couldn't talk to each other all that time.
17:43You know, humans have to talk to each other.
17:46And they get sad if they can't be around other humans,
17:48which is sick.
17:52But humans have to be around other humans.
17:55You know, we can't let them do that to us no more.
17:57That's right.
17:59Yeah.
18:00I mean, I talk to people all the time.
18:05I talk to people even if they don't want me to.
18:09People think I'm homeless.
18:14They go, go on, get.
18:20But you got to talk to people.
18:21You can't tell about people just, you know, by looking at them.
18:25You got to talk to somebody five minutes
18:27and you can walk away and think,
18:29well, that guy was an idiot.
18:33I talked to this guy at the food court one time.
18:37And this was back when people still went to the mall.
18:40He was reading the book at the food court.
18:45And I sat down beside him and I leaned over and I said,
18:49what's that book you're reading there, Mr. Man?
18:50And he mumbled back.
18:54He didn't look at me.
18:55He mumbled, said it was mythology.
18:59I said, oh, you mean like Zeus and unicorns and gerbils and all.
19:04And he looked at me then.
19:08And he said, whether we listen with aloof amusement
19:12to the dreamlike mumbo jumbo of some red-eyed witch doctor of the Congo
19:18or read with cultivated rapture thin translations from the sonnets of the mystic Lao Tzu
19:24or now and again crack the hard nutshell of an argument of Aquinas
19:28or catch suddenly the shining meaning of a bizarre Eskimo fairy tale,
19:33it will be always the one shape-shifting yet marvelously constant story that we find
19:40together with a persistent suggestion of more to be experienced
19:45than will ever be known or told.
19:48And I said, well, I didn't know.
20:01But he kept on.
20:03He said, throughout the inhabited world, in all times and under every circumstance,
20:08the myths of man have flourished
20:10and they have been the living inspiration of whatever else may have appeared
20:14out of the activities of the human body and mind.
20:18And I said, well, did you know that Chick-fil-A ain't open on Sundays?
20:28And he sort of laughed.
20:33And I said, what are you laughing at, Mr. Man?
20:36And he said, the world is a perpetual caricature of itself.
20:43It is at every moment the mockery and the contradiction of what it is pretending to be.
20:48But as it nevertheless all the while intends to be something different and highly dignified,
20:53in the next moment it corrects and checks and tries to cover up the absurd thing it was.
20:58So that a conventional world, a world of masks, is superimposed on the reality
21:03and passes in every sphere of human interest for the reality itself.
21:09Humor is the perception of that illusion.
21:11And I said, well, be what you is.
21:19Because if you be what you ain't, then you ain't what you is.
21:22And he said, could you repeat that, please?
21:39And I said, all right, listen up, dumb butt.
21:41And I told him again, he sort of straightened up then.
21:45He's like, you know, a single conversation across the table from a wise man
21:51is worth more than a month's study of books.
21:54I said, well, you ought to be glad I came by.
21:56But anyway, I, we didn't, I don't know why, we just, we didn't keep in touch.
22:11Y'all have been an awesome audience.
22:14Thank you so much.
22:16Okay, y'all, this, I'm so excited to have been here.
22:19And I'm, I'm so glad y'all watched my comedy special.
22:21And it's just awesome that you watched it.
22:24Because my whole life I've been trying to get people to watch,
22:27but they don't, they get distracted.
22:29But please tip, I guess, I hate saying that, but that'd be a good idea.
22:35Somebody once said that you should make all you can
22:38and you should save all you can and you should give all you can.
22:42And that'd be great if y'all would do that.
22:44Because I would, man, I'd, I'd like to afford chairs like this at home.
22:49This chair is so soft, you know,
22:51and the chairs we have at home are hard and they fold up.
22:54Give it to me, man.
22:59Good night.
23:06?
23:07Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:08Bye.
23:10Bye.
23:10Bye.
23:11Bye.
23:12Bye.
23:12Bye.
23:12Bye.
23:12Bye.
23:12Bye.
23:13Bye.
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