- 6 weeks ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You can't focus because she's so hot.
00:04Is that why you're sitting there the whole time like this?
00:06Do you have a boner?
00:10I bought the seat and my friend.
00:13Oh, you bought the seat and your friend didn't come.
00:15Oh, what happened to him?
00:17Oh, she didn't come?
00:18You're by yourself?
00:20Who's this lady?
00:22Oh, you came by yourself and you came...
00:24Wow, you both so good looking.
00:28Are you both single?
00:30You should meet each other.
00:33That's why every time I looked at you, you looked at me in haze.
00:36You're like...
00:38You can't focus because she's so hot.
00:44Is that why you're sitting there the whole time like this?
00:47Do you have a boner?
00:50I've never had this situation before.
00:54The guys...
00:55Well, nice to meet each other, yeah?
01:06One person from the very end of the balcony, one person can come and take the seat.
01:10Yes, come on.
01:12White shirt, come on.
01:16Okay, buddy.
01:17With the girl that was coming, was she supposed to be a date?
01:20I always buy two tickets in case.
01:22You always buy two tickets in case?
01:34That's a lot of pressure.
01:37That's a lot of pressure.
01:38You scared the shit out of the girls.
01:42You go through in the forum.
01:45Okay, okay, this one.
01:46I don't like you, but fush it.
01:48I have two tickets.
01:50Come to the show.
01:51Come to the show.
01:52What do you mean you're busy?
01:53Please come.
01:54I have two tickets.
01:55Shit.
01:57And then you end up coming by yourself.
02:00But you know what?
02:02You must be a good guy.
02:04Because the karma is so good.
02:06You come by yourself.
02:07And the hottest girl in Vancouver sits right next to you.
02:15That's very interesting.
02:16You always buy two tickets.
02:17You see what happens?
02:18You couldn't give it a...
02:23Look.
02:24Hold on.
02:24Let's see who's going to come.
02:25This is very interesting, guys.
02:27And I just randomly picked one from the last...
02:29Look how gorgeous this one is.
02:38Now he's got two girls.
02:41One on the right.
02:42One on the left.
02:44His dick is coming out of his...
02:48pants.
02:48Like a mountain.
02:53His dick is coming out of my pants like a mountain.
02:57Control yourself.
03:00You owe me for the rest of your life.
03:03Next year you buy ten tickets.
03:07What's that?
03:10We have the same pants?
03:13You're checking out my pants?
03:15No wonder the dates you call, they don't show up.
03:21The last thing you should pay attention is to my pants.
03:24This guy is fascinating.
03:30What do you say?
03:33Same brand?
03:34Who gives a shit?
03:35Why don't we exchange brands of our underwear?
03:40Maybe we're wearing the same underwear, huh?
03:44And then what happens?
03:46We should not be having this conversation when you have such great options right now.
03:53If I were you, if I were you, I would give a compliment to her pants.
03:57No matter where you are, who you are, tonight we're going to have a good time.
04:06That's why we're here.
04:07That's why we're here.
04:08Look at this guy on his phone, texting in front, go take your phone, shove it up your ass.
04:12I want to take a couple here, I want to take a guy and a girl that are single, and I want to match them, and I want them to go on a date, single men in the house, clap, single men, single single men, I like this guy.
04:33Look at this guy.
04:34Dude, you wear a bow tie and a tuxedo?
04:37Stand up, let everybody see how wonderful you are.
04:39Give it up for this guy.
04:40Look at him.
04:44What a chic, handsome gentleman you are.
04:47What's your name?
04:48Farid.
04:49Farid.
04:50Nice to meet you, buddy.
04:51What do you do?
04:52I'm really at the university.
04:55You took a job at the university in the admissions department?
04:59Do you still live with your parents?
05:02I'm worried about your financial situation right now.
05:06Still live with your parents?
05:08They're not here.
05:09Oh, they're not here.
05:10Oh, you're new in Vancouver.
05:12Well, you seem like a really good guy.
05:14Okay.
05:15Well, sit down, I'll come back to you.
05:22He's adorable.
05:24Single ladies in the house, clap, let me see how many single girls.
05:29Too old.
05:30Too old, too old.
05:31Too old.
05:32Too old.
05:36How old are you, sweetheart?
05:37The one that went like this.
05:4032?
05:41I think you guys...
05:42How old are you, Farid?
05:43You seem very young.
05:46You're...
05:4739?
05:4839?
05:49You're 39?
05:50How are you 39?
05:51How are you 39?
05:53Dude, you had no stress in your life at all.
05:58You sleep in the refrigerator?
06:03This guy is 39?
06:04Wow!
06:05You already started using Botox?
06:06Holy shit, dude.
06:07Okay, never mind.
06:08All of you are eligible.
06:09What's your name, 32?
06:1032?
06:1132?
06:1232?
06:1332?
06:1432?
06:1532?
06:1632?
06:17Negar, what do you do?
06:18College instructor.
06:19You're a college instructor?
06:20You're a college instructor?
06:21This is amazing!
06:22The college administrative department with the college instructor?
06:23Match made in heaven so far!
06:25This is amazing, dude!
06:26Wow!
06:27Negar!
06:28This is great!
06:29And then what subject do you teach?
06:30Early Child Education in the world.
06:31Early Child Education in the world.
06:32Early Child Education in the world.
06:33Early Child Education?
06:34Oh my god!
06:35She'll be a great mother!
06:37She's a professional at raising babies.
06:40She's teaching other people!
06:41Wow! Mega hard! This is great!
06:46And then what subject do you teach?
06:48Early Child Education?
06:50Early Child Education?
06:52Oh my god, she'll be a great mother!
06:56She's a professional at raising babies!
06:59She's teaching other people!
07:05Atul, what do you do?
07:08Security?
07:10For sure?
07:12What kind of security?
07:14Hospital?
07:15Hospital security?
07:17You're kidding me!
07:19You know why I say that?
07:20Because you're so nice!
07:23And you're Indian!
07:24Indians are just very soft people!
07:27I can't see you stop any sort of violence!
07:32Like if somebody comes to steal a patient out of the hospital
07:37They're like stealing and you're like...
07:39Stop!
07:40They're like what?
07:44You're like...
07:45You're not allowed to do that!
07:48Immediately put the patient back in the room!
07:51They're like...
07:52Yeah man, whatever man!
07:53We're gonna beat the shit out of you!
07:54They're like...
07:55You're also not allowed to beat me!
07:58If you beat me, I call the police!
08:02They're like...
08:03We're gonna steal the patients, bro!
08:04They're like...
08:05Oh, very very bad thing to do!
08:06I don't like you!
08:09I don't like you!
08:15Atoll!
08:18Atoll has to change his security name to...
08:23Asshole!
08:24Then buddy, they're gonna listen to you!
08:29They're like...
08:30Stop!
08:31This is asshole speaking!
08:34I will destroy you!
08:36And they're like...
08:37What are you gonna do asshole?
08:38They're like...
08:39I'm gonna fuck you the Kama Sutra way!
08:40I love you!
08:45I love you!
08:46Man, you're still on your phone, man!
08:50Seriously, buddy!
08:51What's going on?
08:53No, but what is it?
08:55Your girlfriend?
08:56What's the problem, dude?
08:57For real!
08:58Be honest!
09:00She wants to know where you are?
09:01Give me your phone!
09:03Give me your phone!
09:05Aren't you saying this to your girlfriend?
09:06Give me your phone!
09:11I'm asking you...
09:12What is it that you're texting?
09:13My girlfriend.
09:14It's your work?
09:15So you did lie!
09:21Roddy?
09:22This is...
09:23This is moments we have together.
09:25We're sharing precious moments.
09:28Be in the moment.
09:29Enjoy it tonight, yeah?
09:31We're having a blast!
09:33Yeah?
09:34Now you're gonna give me your phone?
09:35Oh, okay.
09:37Yeah, you should've given me your phone.
09:38I will call your co-worker.
09:39What is the job?
09:40What's the problem with work?
09:42Be honest!
09:43Be honest!
09:44You be honest with me,
09:46I'll become your friend.
09:49Is this your girlfriend?
09:51No, I don't know.
09:52You're single.
09:53You don't even have a girlfriend and you lie.
10:00What's your name?
10:02Majid.
10:03I'm never ever gonna find a woman.
10:06If I were you, you should take my advice and go gay.
10:10Oh, we did it!
10:11Yes!
10:12Yes!
10:13Shoot them!
10:14Sit your ass down!
10:15Mwah!
10:16Mwah!
10:17I've been four years to see you now.
10:18You're kidding me!
10:19Wow, thank you so much!
10:21Say that again.
10:27Say- say that again?
10:30Wow thank you so much. Say that again. Yes yes yes. What's your name? Shane you have a lot of
10:47enthusiasm. I really I really appreciate that you know you're scaring the shit out of all these
10:52Persians. Shane this is amazing that this is very not white of you you know what I'm saying. Let me ask
11:01you something. Is your lady Persian? Yes. That's why you're acting like this. Girlfriend or wife?
11:10Hey look at this. Persians need to be here. Yes okay Shane answer the question. Shane.
11:16She didn't answer the question. Is she is she your wife or is she your girlfriend? Wife.
11:22You married? You married her. Okay. You need it. You needed residency this bad?
11:46Oh you're very white. Okay. And Logan what's your race? In the Caribbean. Okay so that's why you're
11:57wearing the shorts you don't give a shit. Yeah. And then how did you guys find out about the show?
12:02Just looking at things to do Friday night. Okay that's freaking awesome. It's freaking awesome.
12:08Second date looking at things what to do. She's she's white Canadian. Yeah. And then you go
12:15I'm gonna take you out to a show. And then you show up here. And she goes oh Logan um
12:21Is there a particular reason uh you brought me to a jihad comedy?
12:34And then your ass goes no in the Caribbean's and shit. You know uh we check out every culture
12:43in the world. You know what I mean? I'm very worldly like that.
12:48And then Cardio's like oh my god I love that about you.
12:52You're so unique Logan.
12:59Mark that's a good one you took.
13:02What's your name?
13:03Mariam Mogadis.
13:04You know what that means right? She's an angel.
13:12Mariam Mogadis.
13:15She's Mary.
13:16She gave birth to Jesus Christ.
13:20Mariam Mogadis.
13:22So nice to meet you Mary.
13:25Where did you meet Mark?
13:26She was dating my roommate.
13:31She what?
13:33Mark said she was dating my roommate.
13:38Whoa.
13:41Whoa.
13:43In Mary.
13:44That's this.
13:50This Mary is not so much a Mary to me.
13:52You were dating Mark's roommate?
13:59So you would go over to their apartment and you go
14:02Hi Mark.
14:11Oh my god.
14:14I mean they have so many questions.
14:19Every time Mary came over Mark is like
14:21She's like
14:26What happened to the roommate?
14:33You killed him?
14:36It's like one of those movies.
14:37They're like okay let's go on a road trip.
14:40They go ditch the guy in the river and come back.
14:45He dumped her?
14:47He dumped her?
14:47No.
14:49Mark I freaking love you.
14:51He dumped her.
14:55And she goes I don't give a shit.
14:57I'm going to fuck your roommate.
15:04She just wanted the revenge.
15:08Mark had no idea.
15:10They get in a fight.
15:13He dumps Mary in the other room.
15:16Mark is sleeping.
15:17Mary walks in.
15:18Mark Bacop.
15:21Bacop I'm here for you.
15:23What a romantic story.
15:32I love this.
15:3622 years later.
15:38Frog Rover comedy show.
15:42They get divorced.
15:43You look like a really nice guy.
15:52You really do.
15:53What's your name?
15:55Jeff.
15:56Pleasure.
15:56Thanks for coming.
15:57You brought your lady?
16:00Yeah.
16:00How long have you been together?
16:0312 years.
16:04That's amazing.
16:06Good for you.
16:06Can I ask you?
16:11What do you love about her the most?
16:13One thing.
16:14What do you love about her the most?
16:17Color in your life?
16:18That's the most racist white shit you can say.
16:24Color in my life?
16:25Well, everybody else is white.
16:28She's the only one with a color in my life.
16:33Grow color in my life?
16:36I would never use that line ever again.
16:40You could say joy in my life.
16:44And her whole family full of color.
16:47Sometimes I can't even see the color because it's covered by a pack of hair all over the place.
16:53What do you do, Jeff?
16:55You're a lawyer.
16:56You're a lawyer?
16:57Yeah.
16:58As a lawyer, you choose your words very carefully.
17:04You're from Germany?
17:06Berlin.
17:07And what brought you to Vancouver, honey?
17:10Your husband.
17:13So, your husband is ha-ha-ha?
17:17That's really fascinating.
17:18So, you met in Berlin?
17:20In Ukraine?
17:22Oh.
17:23That's complicated.
17:25You went to Ukraine?
17:28Because Ukrainians are hot and then you found the German.
17:32Dude, you got ripped off.
17:35What's your name?
17:38Mohsen Ridi.
17:39Dude, you studied in Ukraine?
17:44You studied music?
17:48Classical music?
17:52An Iranian finally got to go to university.
17:56Of the entire world chooses Ukraine.
17:59And then when he gets admitted, he goes, I want to study classical music.
18:05Nobody plays centaur in Ukraine.
18:07What do you do?
18:08What do you do in Vancouver now?
18:11You're in the movie business?
18:13You're in the movie business?
18:14You're the most ADD.
18:16You're in the movie business?
18:24Now you're in the movie business?
18:26His head playing with his ass.
18:28It's a very deep Iranian slang.
18:32when your head playing with your ass
18:35that means you're not paying attention
18:38you're going
18:38imagine
18:41the Iranian philosopher
18:44that came up
18:45the guy was writing
18:46and then he was like
18:47okay how do I feel
18:48when I'm distracted
18:50I'm always playing with my ass
18:51now how can I make it more serious
18:54what if my head was playing with my ass
18:56dude you went to
18:59classical music
19:00college in Ukraine
19:02came here
19:04you're in the movie business
19:05what kind of movie
19:08have you made
19:09for Game of Thrones
19:13are you out of your mind
19:16whoa
19:17whoa
19:20whoa
19:20we love you bro
19:24yo
19:26wow
19:30go for them
19:32buddy
19:37please put me in your movie
19:39dude
19:44that's phenomenal
19:45you were the best guy I picked on tonight by far
19:57wow
19:59yeah
20:02because
20:04if you know Game of Thrones
20:06it was
20:07it was one of the most fascinating
20:08programs
20:10visually
20:10visually
20:11that program was incredible
20:13and it was the reason
20:15you see a lot of Persians
20:17were involved in Game of Thrones
20:19is because Game of Thrones
20:21it was a TV series
20:23on HBO
20:24that the entire series
20:26was about cousins
20:27giving it to each other
20:32so HBO said
20:35what race can we find
20:37to really relate
20:39to cousins and family
20:41after each other
20:42and they found Mohsen in Germany
20:46Mohsen was professional
20:50they're like
20:52there's one guy
20:53his head only playing with his ass
20:54and everybody else's ass
20:56make him the head of special effects
20:58listen
21:00all that matters in life
21:01first
21:02is to make
21:03honorable living
21:04if you have a job
21:05and you make an honorable living
21:07it doesn't matter
21:07what you do
21:08you are absolutely respected
21:11for your good doings
21:12period
21:14now
21:18as an Iranian
21:20as an immigrant
21:22any immigrant
21:23not just Iranian
21:24Syrian
21:24anybody from any country
21:26if you move to another country
21:27it's so difficult
21:28and then on top of that
21:30you can become somebody
21:31who's doing something special
21:33like this
21:34in much bigger scale
21:36man
21:37you make us
21:38look extra good
21:40thank you
21:41I'm sure
21:46there are so many artists
21:48here tonight
21:48I'm really sure
21:49and I didn't get a chance
21:51to pick on you
21:51it's because you're hiding
21:52and if you're sensitive
21:54and scared to be picked on
21:55you're missing out
21:56of such an incredible
21:57special time
21:58what are you working on now?
22:00Spielberg
22:01Spielberg?
22:02no
22:03that's so cool man
22:10this guy is amazing
22:12the other stage
22:19they want to see
22:26lady what's your name
22:37party sir
22:40you're in the movie business too
22:41so first of all
22:54this was so special
22:56the reason you're here tonight
22:57is because
22:58Patty Sir wants to see you
22:59Patty Sir
23:02from the bottom of my heart
23:03I'm sorry
23:03he's married
23:04and she's German
23:07she's not messing around
23:08since Mohsen is here
23:11if anybody has a good question
23:13let's ask him
23:14wants to ask
23:15if you're in the movie business
23:16yes
23:17are you hiring?
23:20well not be chassy
23:20no
23:21hire
23:21let me go
23:22I'm sorry
23:22I'm sorry
23:23what's your name?
23:26they're hiring
23:27but it's a naked scene
23:28and making out
23:29I'm gonna do the talent
23:30are you okay
23:32with the make-up scene?
23:35Mono-jan
23:35I cannot hear your voice
23:36are you okay
23:38with a little bit
23:38you know
23:41am I wrong?
23:42Steven Spielberg
23:43loves
23:43you know
23:46listen
23:48listen
23:50if they don't hire you
23:51I hire you
23:52Mono-jan
23:56he says
24:00tonight
24:01we're making movies
24:01at my hotel
24:02tonight
24:04sure
24:05I just wanted to say
24:06a quick
24:07quick story
24:08please say whatever
24:08you want to say
24:09fantastic
24:09so look
24:10I'm from Iran
24:11I'm really proud
24:12to be an Iranian
24:13I grew up in Iran
24:23in Ahvaz
24:24when I was
24:28when I was
24:2910 years old
24:30I saw Independence Day
24:31the first film
24:32with Roland Emmerich
24:33I told my mom
24:35I'm gonna go
24:36and work with him
24:37and this was a dream
24:39so I ended up
24:39filming Independence Day 2
24:41with the man himself
24:42about 20 years after
24:54and my mom said
24:55he always wanted
24:55to see me on the stage
24:57so I got the opportunity
24:58to work on Game of Thrones
24:59I designed the dragon
25:01from day one
25:02and I worked with them
25:03all the way to the world
25:04and we worked 90 hours
25:1490 hours a week
25:16and that's how we won the Emmy
25:17in 2019
25:18but I'm telling you
25:20the only reason
25:20the only reason
25:22I got there
25:22because I married
25:23this year
25:25she's from Germany
25:34she's from Germany
25:36but she reads
25:36300 pages
25:38Persian
25:38Fahime Rahimi
25:39novels
25:40she can cook
25:42every
25:43she can cook
25:45every
25:45Persian food
25:46you can imagine
25:47she can dance
25:48Persian
25:49and she sings
25:50gugush like
25:50I've never heard of
25:51so thanks a lot
25:55thank you
25:56give them a loud
26:07of applause
26:08wow
26:11wow
26:13what a sweet
26:18what a beautiful
26:20experience to have
26:21tonight
26:21you know
26:22this is so special
26:24and I'll tell you why
26:25none of my shows
26:27I know
26:2780% of my show
26:29is improvised
26:30and because of that
26:31some of the most
26:32magnificent shit
26:33happens in the theater
26:34that you could
26:35never expect
26:36amazing
26:38you
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