- 1 week ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00The 18-year-old, such a cool kid. What do you want to do when you grow up?
00:04Engineer like your dad.
00:04Engineer like your dad? Is that because your dad forced you, you need to become an engineer?
00:09Yeah, he did that? He forces you, huh?
00:12Are you good at math? No.
00:16Are you good at algebra? No.
00:21Are you good at anything? No.
00:25No. Well, you should become a comedian.
00:30Your dad is nice. He's a nice guy. He's very sweet.
00:41Where are you from? What's your background?
00:44Half Filipino, half Persian. That's a very balanced mix. Yeah? You are very lucky. You know that?
00:52You probably don't have so much hair. You're going to be very balanced. Just enough.
00:55Filipino, look at your dad. He looks like a penguin. This is fantastic.
01:01No hair on your father. Look how sexy that dad looks. He's just like slip and slide.
01:07Look at your mom. She just shaved her mustache.
01:08This is a fantastic mix. You're the luckiest 11-year-old in this audience. You understand?
01:16Tell him I never had a mustache. I lasered it off. It never came back. I don't shave.
01:28Tell her it's okay, mommy.
01:33Oh, so Kiwi? That's your daughter? Oh, she's so beautiful. Hi. What's your name?
01:44Helen.
01:44Helen. Is your mom Iranian? Yeah? Is she here? No? You and dad came? Where is she?
01:52Daddy. Oh, that's your husband? He's daddy. Daddy is very different than dad. He's daddy.
02:10Hold on one second, okay? Give me the paddle. Give me the paddle. That goes over there, okay?
02:16You guys don't use it. They know how to use it. Good for you.
02:24Who is this girl in the middle? Who are you? Are you by yourself?
02:29I'm the daughter.
02:29You're the daughter. Yeah, boy, you're right. The daughter looks older than the wife.
02:35Any friends?
02:37I'm the daughter.
02:39You really her daughter?
02:40I'm the daughter.
02:46How good of a life daddy created for you that you haven't fucking aged?
02:53What did you do to him?
02:56Fuck, I thought you guys were daughters.
03:00Wow.
03:02What's that?
03:02That's his first thing today.
03:04Betochma.
03:10You're also Mormon, right?
03:11Yes, sir.
03:12What's your name?
03:13Flavio.
03:14Flavio?
03:15Yes.
03:15They're Italian?
03:17Wow.
03:18It was one in Argentina.
03:20They're Mormons in Argentina?
03:21No.
03:22You guys went from Salt Lake City to Argentina?
03:25Converted this fucker and brought him to Utah?
03:28Damn.
03:29You guys are badass.
03:32And who are you here with?
03:34With two of your wives.
03:36Okay, nice.
03:37I'm from like 16 years old.
03:39That's your daughter?
03:41Yeah.
03:41My God.
03:43Are you Mormon?
03:44Mormon?
03:45No?
03:46Listen, you have to convert tonight.
03:49Listen, Flavio called me.
03:52He said, Max, I'm bringing this fucker.
03:53He's dating my daughter.
03:54And we're going to circumcise you tonight.
03:57On stage, bro.
03:58He's going to chop that dick up.
04:01Mormon style.
04:04Hallelujah.
04:05Boom.
04:05Oh.
04:06Welcome to the family.
04:09I hope you have enough to offer.
04:14Pushpa.
04:16Jukika Nahi.
04:19Salah.
04:19Hi, how are you?
04:26What's your name?
04:29Okay, never mind.
04:30Nice to meet you.
04:32Are you here for the show?
04:34Are you here from the government?
04:38Because you haven't even smiled once.
04:40You came to the show to hypnotize me.
04:49I love you.
04:53Who's the lady next to you?
04:55My daughter.
04:55Your daughter.
04:56You brought dad?
04:57Yeah.
04:58Did you tell him it's a comedy show?
05:01He thought it was a murder mystery.
05:04Dad.
05:04You're still not laughing.
05:09And guess what?
05:11I don't give up.
05:13Pushpa.
05:14Jukika Nahi.
05:17Salah.
05:20I don't give up, dad.
05:23You're going to laugh tonight, dad.
05:25Yes?
05:26Let's go!
05:32Nice.
05:33Good to see you.
05:34Yes, I see it.
05:36She's so confused.
05:38I'm like, what the fuck is she doing?
05:41Are you still confused?
05:42You want me to explain?
05:44That's just one of my merch she bought
05:45last time I was here six years ago.
05:47It's a merch.
05:48It's a tote bag.
05:50Yeah.
05:50I sell these.
05:52I sell these bags full of condoms.
05:55She's so happy.
05:56She's not pregnant yet.
05:57This is great.
05:59If you like some, there's outside.
06:01But I...
06:02Yeah.
06:03Your husband says, we definitely need it.
06:06We definitely...
06:06Do you have kids?
06:08Yeah.
06:09Yeah?
06:09Okay.
06:10How many kids?
06:10Seven.
06:12No, come on.
06:13Are you just saying that because you're at the comedy club?
06:15Your wife even looked at you like, what the fuck are you saying?
06:17It's not seven.
06:18I don't trust you.
06:20I asked her, how many kids do you have?
06:22Seven kids for real?
06:24Oh, wow.
06:26A bag of condom on me.
06:29Fuck this shit.
06:31Seven player?
06:32We're married.
06:36Any kids?
06:37Kids yet?
06:37One.
06:38Oh, my...
06:39And who's taking care of the kid?
06:41I don't do shit.
06:42You don't do shit?
06:42But like, who's babysitting right now?
06:44Oh, yeah, maybe.
06:45You guys don't even know.
06:46Oh, fuck.
06:48We left.
06:50White people don't give a shit.
06:53I asked her, she goes, she takes care of it.
06:55And then she, I go, where's the baby?
06:57She goes, uh, uh.
07:00Did you just literally pause?
07:01I don't know who's taking care of my baby.
07:07Single people clap.
07:08Let me see how many single people are in the house.
07:10I'm going to match two people.
07:12Let me see.
07:12I like that single guy right there.
07:14What's your name, buddy?
07:14Dennis.
07:16Dennis, you're a cool guy.
07:18Where are you from?
07:18Jersey.
07:19Jersey?
07:20All-American?
07:21All-American.
07:21Great.
07:22Let me see.
07:23Who needs a green card?
07:28This one right here.
07:29She needs a green card.
07:33This is the best case scenario.
07:34Easy, easy.
07:36Anytime, you just green card.
07:37She's like, okay, honey, fine, okay.
07:40It's a good one.
07:41She's adorable.
07:41She looks really good.
07:42Nice to meet you, honey.
07:44Let me see.
07:44Let me see.
07:44I want to do a really good match.
07:46Tell me your name one more time.
07:47Dennis, that's right.
07:48And what was your name?
07:50Oksana.
07:51Russian?
07:52Ukrainian.
07:53Good kind right there.
07:54Shit, you know Ukrainians and Russians are beautiful, right?
07:57Your mom's Ukrainian?
08:00No.
08:03Wow, Dennis.
08:05This is great.
08:06Is that your father next to you?
08:08He's a family guy, came with dad.
08:10Dad is cool.
08:11Look, he's got his tiny-ass shirt on, nipples hard.
08:14Cool-ass father.
08:16You might fall in love with a dad.
08:17That's how good-looking a dad is.
08:19It's good genes right there.
08:21I can see what Dennis is going to become in 900 years from now.
08:24Yeah?
08:26Dennis, what do you do?
08:27Currently the military.
08:29Currently the military.
08:31Okay.
08:31What branch?
08:33Air Force.
08:34He's talented.
08:35He's got good eyesight.
08:36He doesn't masturbate too much.
08:39If he masturbates, eyesight goes down, he can't fly.
08:42You understand?
08:44Good for you.
08:45Wonderful.
08:46Great.
08:46Pilot.
08:47Air Force.
08:47Military.
08:49Exercise.
08:50Good genes.
08:50Testosterone.
08:51Chachas.
08:54Woo-hoo!
08:56Okay, let's get to know you.
08:57Oksana, what do you do?
09:00Who the fuck are you?
09:02Why are you cock-blocking, Oksana?
09:05That's why you're single.
09:09Oksana, I apologize from the chatter in the corner on the right-left.
09:14I'm sorry, Oksana.
09:16Shh!
09:17What do you do?
09:19Finance.
09:20Finance?
09:21That's wonderful.
09:23For what company?
09:25Finance.
09:27Oh, you just, whoever you date, you're gonna control his finance?
09:33Ah.
09:35Finance, a.k.a. gold digger?
09:42How old are you?
09:44You're in your 30s, you said?
09:4534?
09:46Oh, okay, you're 34.
09:49I can't tell in this lighting, but I'm not sure if Dennis, hold on one second.
09:59You think you can handle it?
10:02No?
10:04You'd rather masturbate?
10:05I feel you, man.
10:09I feel you, man.
10:1034.
10:13You know, it's tough.
10:15It's tough.
10:17It hasn't been used in a long time.
10:18It's tough.
10:19It's tough.
10:21Oksana, he's like in his 20s.
10:24How old are you?
10:2521.
10:2621.
10:27He's fresh.
10:29He's fresh.
10:30Oksana's like, I teach him a few things.
10:36Listen, I have a reputation for love, yeah?
10:39I'm not gonna do wrong matches yeah Oksana is too old for him no hold on what about the dad
10:49she goes what about the dad what these ukrainians took it to a whole another level
11:06wow brilliant finance lady holy shit what about the dad you know what the funny part is
11:17the dad is stunned Dennis is like yes he's married so what he's married who cares he deserves to be
11:30happy dad are you still married yes he's still married yes you like a side piece
11:40he's Albert Dennis he has to be a good role model for a son
11:46huh you see Ali from Iraq says Habibi four four
11:54and his wife is clapping yes it's a very good idea I cannot tolerate him all the time let him
12:04let someone else have him for a little bit go go please to the other one I need to breathe
12:11this is why we learn from all cultures Dennis's dad you think about that okay
12:19text mom checking the situation you never know maybe mom says oh thanks for thanks for asking
12:26please go away what about the dad that should be the line of this show if we did merch for this show
12:36it should have been what about the dad
12:38hold on hold on hold on hold on this seat is not available
12:47sit there sit there okay right there it's fine you're adorable so wait a minute I asked if
12:54anybody's sitting here and you said no no no uh so I lost my father last year
12:59oh that's so sweet first of all much blessing to your father and what's your name
13:10Ritika Ritika Ritika where are you from India Indian okay wonderful to meet you I believe also
13:18when they say when somebody passes away they're always with you yeah and I'm Iranian and I lost
13:25my father in 2015 and I would never do that you know why because if I did that my father's soul
13:39would be so unhappy I'm telling you my father be like Maximini why are you wasting money
13:46I am in heaven having a great time
13:52what did I teach you you go up to be an idiot you buy seats for me
14:00stupid I am in heaven having a good time
14:04I don't even want to hang out with you finally I died to be away from you guys
14:11now you're forcing me from heaven to come watch this bullshit
14:16hold on one second hold on did you hear that
14:20I just heard your father laugh
14:24he goes what a funny guy
14:27I don't care I like to come sit next to my daughter watch your show Maximini
14:33mwah to the heavens
14:35Judah
14:39wow
14:43wow
14:45wow
14:47wow
14:49wow
14:51wow
14:53wow
14:55wow
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