00:00But the pilots, the pilots are calm, they cool, you know, you get into the air
00:04They start making useless announcements that you don't even care about, you know
00:07Just to give you that feeling that he knows what he's doing, you get up there as the seatbelt lights
00:11go boom
00:12Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we've reached our cruising altitude
00:16Currently sitting at 23,000 feet above sea level
00:19Cruising at about 720 kilometers an hour in the Boeing 737
00:22One of our favorite planes in the Starflight Alliance
00:27It's a beautiful sunny day up here, we might encounter a few bumps, but nothing too hectic
00:31The cabin crew will be taking care of you
00:33In the front we've got Esmeralda and Jonathan in the rear
00:36Simon, Dipitzeng and Ferrer
00:39I'll be taking care of you, and if you need anything, don't hesitate to call
00:43I'll let you know once we've begun our doscient
00:45Until then, please, enjoy your flight, thank you
00:48You're like, oh yeah, pilot
00:52My guy, my guy, pilot
00:55It's cool, it's cool
00:56I just don't like the fact that they never let you know when something's gone wrong
01:00It freaks me out, because they trained to keep you calm, no matter what's going on
01:03And I noticed this, because we hit turbulence
01:05Coming into Joe, there were hectic storms
01:07And the plane started shaking, and it would
01:09And you know, it wasn't like the calm turbulence
01:10You know, it's that turbulence where people, you know, the knuckles get white when they're holding their
01:14You know, because you know, people try and act natural in the plane, they'll be like
01:17And then, and then they get to a point where they're like
01:24You know, when that point comes, and like everyone is panicking
01:27Except the air hostesses, they're amazing, I love how they do it, you know
01:30Like you'll hit the turbulence and be like
01:32Things are falling, the bags are hitting the sides of the compartments
01:36People are panicking, except they always, they just move through naturally
01:39It's freaky, it's almost like the lower half is not connected to the upper body
01:42Because they'll just carry on, they'll be like
01:44Yes, yes, you guys
01:47Would you guys like some coffee?
01:49Yeah, okay
01:50There you go, be careful, it's hot
01:52Thank you, all right then
01:53Anything for you sir?
01:55Yeah, okay
01:57Okay then, just pass me an apple juice, all right
02:00Thank you very much
02:00There you go, would you like some ice?
02:02Nice, thank you
02:04You know how they do it
02:09And then the pilot has the nerve to come on
02:11In the middle of the biggest storm ever
02:12The plane is shaking, the wings are tilting slightly upwards
02:15You think you're gonna die
02:15It's like
02:17People are screaming
02:22Ladies and gentlemen, we've encountered some slight turbulence
02:27We'll ask that everyone return to their seats at this point
02:29And refrain from using the lavatories
02:32Please, please note we will be flying at a higher altitude to try and alleviate the problem
02:36Also, keep your seatbelts fastened
02:38And no hot drinks will be served at this time for your safety
02:41Thank you very much and I'll speak to you in a moment
02:43Once we've gotten out of this bumpy patch
02:45Speak to you in a moment
02:47That moment might never come
02:50He doesn't tell you this
02:53When the nationwide flight lost an engine, the pilot said nothing
02:57There, just fell
02:59Quiet
03:02I don't want a pilot like that
03:03I want someone who lets me know
03:04I want to know before I'm gonna die
03:05I want to know
03:06I want to say a prayer or two
03:07I want to prepare myself, you know
03:08I want to forgive everyone that I hate in the world
03:10Give me a chance
03:11Give me a chance
03:12But they don't, pilots
03:13No, they don't
03:14I bet people who die in plane crashes
03:15Don't even know they've died
03:16Must be the worst feeling in the world
03:18There's like a whole bunch of confused people popping into heaven like
03:22I swear these airports change all the time
03:26I never know where to go
03:27I never
03:28I'm like, are we in heaven?
03:31Oh wow, I can't believe we made it, eh?
03:34I can't believe we made it
03:35And there's Saint Peter at the gate
03:37And he's like, come forward please
03:38Come forward
03:39Come forward
03:40She's like, who you are?
03:41I'm Saint Peter
03:42Saint Peter
03:43How about you?
03:44Yeah I know, many, many people are shocked
03:46Just come
03:46I get that all the time
03:48Just come
03:49Just come
03:50Just come
03:51Don't worry
03:52Just come
03:53Just wait till you see Jesus
03:55Come
03:55Come
03:56Come
04:02I don't want that
04:03I want someone to let me know when I'm gonna die
04:05Like taxi drivers
04:06There's no person who dies in a taxi not knowing that they've died
04:09Just before the crash, taxi drivers will be like
04:11Yo!
04:12Ah!
04:13People walking into heaven like
04:15Yo!
04:15Dead!
04:15Dead!
04:16Dead!
04:17Dead!
04:18Dead!
04:20Gone!
04:21Gone!
04:21Aye!
04:23They know
04:24Sometimes they survive the crash but they still think they're dead
04:26They're walking on the pavement
04:27Dead!
04:28Dead!
04:29Dead!
04:30Dead!
04:40But luckily we did land safely in Johannesburg
04:42We landed safely and everyone clapped when the plane landed
04:45Yay!
04:47Clapped and walked into the airport terminal building
04:50And that's once, that's the point when you realise you're back in South Africa
04:53When you're flying, it's international
04:55And then when you land at any of our airports
04:58And if you listen carefully, you realise that you're back
05:00Like South Africa, once again, the world went there
05:02Then we were like
05:03No, no
05:04Go ahead
05:05I will find just that side
05:07Cause all over the world, they conform to a norm
05:10And that is in airports
05:12Women make announcements
05:13It's always a woman
05:14Always
05:15And she's always calm
05:16Always monotone
05:18Always come over that system
05:19She sits in a room quietly
05:20They bring her the pages one by one
05:22You can be in Heathrow for instance
05:23You'll hear that woman come on the system
05:24Doom, doom
05:26Doom
05:27Attention all passengers
05:28Please note this is an airport announcement
05:31No passengers are permitted to leave any items unattended
05:36As this may be seen as a security risk
05:38Any unattended luggage will be removed by security and destroyed
05:43Thank you
05:45Doom, doom
05:47Doom
05:47Everywhere in the world
05:48Even if you go to like non-English speaking countries
05:50They still conform to that norm
05:51You know, you go to places like China
05:53Where you wouldn't expect it, you know
05:54You think, yeah, I see some of you probably think
05:56They'll be like
05:58No, don't even love
05:59That's racist
05:59Don't even love
06:00Don't, hey, don't
06:01No
06:02That's racist
06:02You don't even love
06:05But they're not
06:07They're calm
06:08It's a woman
06:09Still the same
06:09She's just another language
06:11She'll come on the piano
06:11And be like
06:12Doom, doom
06:13Doom
06:13Taiko, she knows
06:14She
06:15She's a woman
06:17She's a woman
06:18She's a woman
06:18She's a woman
06:20She's a woman
06:20She's a woman
06:22She's a woman
06:23She's a woman
06:23She's a woman
06:24Doom
06:25And you know
06:27You know they've conformed
06:30And then you land in South Africa
06:34And you know you've landed
06:35You know
06:36You know that you're back home
06:37When you walk into the airport terminal building
06:42You walk in
06:44And I don't even know if they audition the people who do it
06:46No, no, no
06:47It's almost like whoever's closest to the mic gets to do it first
06:49You know
06:53It's the craziest thing
06:55Luckily 99% of the time it's a woman
06:57But she'll come on
06:57It's the craziest thing ever
06:58As you walk in she'll come and be like
07:01Attention all presenters
07:06Attention all presenters
07:08Hello
07:10Hello
07:11I'm talking to you
07:11Hello
07:13Yeah
07:13All the people in Slankula.com
07:15The plane is delayed
07:16The plane is going on two
07:17It's going on three
07:19Yeah
07:19All the people must just take a ticket for that one
07:21They're going to have a problem, eh?
07:22Just check on that
07:23If your ticket says two
07:24Then it's going to be three, eh?
07:25They mustn't complain when the plane is not there
07:27Because I need to tell you now
07:28They must just phone the people there
07:30They're coming to pick you up
07:31I must tell them
07:31Yo, I need my plane
07:32It's changed
07:34And then they start speaking to people in the background
07:35They don't even turn off their mic
07:36All the people there
07:58Okay
08:00All the people in Slank
08:01One time
08:02The gate is changed
08:04It's not D2
08:06It's C15
08:08It's not D2
08:09It's C15
08:11If you can go to D2
08:13Oh, you can find nothing, eh?
08:16Okay, bye-bye
08:17But I don't know
08:18But I don't know
08:23Hey there
08:24Thanks for watching
08:24Now, all I need you to do
08:26Is click on that little circle on your screen
08:28Yeah, yeah
08:29That one
08:29Oh, yeah
08:30Just like that
08:31Hold on, hold on
08:32Yeah, click, click
08:34Nice
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