- 5 months ago
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😹
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00:00The one, the only, Max O'Bee!
00:30Toronto! Make some noise!
00:45Thank you very much!
00:50Wow, wow, what an energy!
00:54Wow!
00:58Oh my God, where are my Persians at?
01:06Where are my non-Persians at?
01:14Man, Toronto's representing, huh?
01:18This is a great mixed audience, I love it!
01:22Who's here?
01:24Huh?
01:26What'd you say?
01:28Persian again!
01:30Persian again?
01:32Don't embarrass us in front of everybody!
01:36Again, Persians, again!
01:38I wanna scream louder!
01:42I'm sorry, give me another chance, I can do better!
01:46Yes, yes, fantastic!
01:50This guy, pink tie!
01:54You came from work?
01:56You work for, uh, breast cancer awareness or something?
02:02What's up with the pink tie?
02:04What's up with the pink tie?
02:08I'm curious, where do you work for?
02:12Where do you work?
02:14Mercedes Benz?
02:16So Persian, this guy!
02:18I work at the Mercedes Benz downtown, and I wore this so you pick on me so I can advertise!
02:28Good luck, man!
02:30You're gonna hold your camera all night?
02:32If you keep holding it, the security guard is gonna come here and shove it up your ass!
02:38But judging from your pink tie, you're gonna like it!
02:54Guess who likes it more?
02:55They liked it even more!
02:56They're like, yeah!
02:58Toronto is wild, man!
03:02Toronto is wild, baby!
03:04My God!
03:06Where are my Arabs in the house?
03:11Where?
03:12Sri Lankian?
03:13Sri Lankian?
03:14Sri Lankian?
03:15Since when Sri Lankians turned Arab?
03:21Europeans in the house, make some noise, Europeans!
03:24Nice, nice, nice!
03:25What country?
03:26Netherlands?
03:27Nice!
03:28And you're here on vacation?
03:30Just came from you?
03:31Just came from me?
03:33From the Netherlands!
03:38Are you fucking with me?
03:43Buddy, I owe you some gas money!
03:46What are you saying?
03:47I pay for the hotel!
03:49Come stay at my place!
03:52What do you do in Netherlands?
03:53You're a genetic scientist?
03:57Holy shit!
03:59That's pretty fucking respectful, man!
04:02So you genetically can scientifically decide what the fuck's happening!
04:08Yeah?
04:10I gotta tell you, I sincerely love what I do!
04:14And the most special part of my show is when I get to connect with you guys!
04:21Get to know you guys!
04:23I love it, man!
04:25It's the best moment of my life!
04:29I mean it!
04:31I truly wish for everyone here, yeah?
04:34To do something that they love!
04:35I hope you guys love your jobs!
04:37But if you don't love your job, it's still okay!
04:40Yeah?
04:41Find something on the side that you love!
04:43Right?
04:44Have a passion in life!
04:46You gotta do something every day that makes you happy!
04:49Even if your job is some shitty Mercedes-Benz sales shit!
04:55They make you wear a pink embarrassing tie!
04:59Comedy is my passion and I love it!
05:01I've loved it my entire life!
05:03And people think it's easy to be a comedian!
05:06It's just not easy!
05:07People think I just go on stage...
05:10No!
05:11Like there's many different things about my job!
05:13It's very difficult!
05:14Like traveling is one of them!
05:15Traveling is very, very brutal!
05:17Going to city to city to city!
05:21Yeah?
05:22Going to the airport!
05:23Dealing with the staff!
05:24Dragging your luggage!
05:25It's really...
05:26Traveling is so difficult!
05:28The other day, I go to the airport!
05:30I'm gate 18!
05:31I get there, they have changed the gate!
05:33Where's the new gate?
05:34218!
05:36I asked the lady, where is it?
05:37She goes, five days walk this way, sir!
05:41Now I'm running like a crazy person in the airport!
05:44You know how embarrassing it is as an adult to run in the airport?
05:46It's the worst feeling when you know your gate is 20 minutes away, but you got five minutes to get there!
05:55That stress, the anxiety that kicks in...
06:00If anybody knows the feeling, you run so fast!
06:03You run faster than you ever run in your life!
06:06You know what I'm talking about?
06:07Like, I've seen the most unathletic people in the airport run like no one's business!
06:15It's the only time you run for your life, man!
06:18When you know you're about to miss the goddamn flight!
06:21You've seen these people at the airport?
06:24They are fucking running!
06:29I saw a 90-year-old with a walker!
06:32He was just like...
06:35At some point, he took it behind his back!
06:37He was like...
06:38You gotta get to that plane, baby!
06:45The other day, I was so late!
06:48I'm running, and when I say running, I was running so fast!
06:52I run fast!
06:53I was running like a freaking machine, man!
06:55I was running so fast!
06:56All of a sudden, I notice somebody else is running right next to me!
07:01I start running even faster!
07:03I was going so fast!
07:05This guy catches up with me!
07:08I look at him!
07:09He goes, Max Avini?
07:17I was like, yes!
07:18He goes, I love you!
07:22I said, I love you too, man!
07:24And we're running!
07:25He goes, can I take a picture?
07:29I go, buddy!
07:30I'm late!
07:31He goes, it's okay!
07:32I am late too!
07:37He took a picture!
07:38I look like this!
07:44I was in the bathroom, okay?
07:47I was standing at a stall.
07:48This dude walks into the bathroom.
07:53Comes right next to me.
08:01Max Avini?
08:07I go, yes!
08:09I love you!
08:10I love you!
08:12As a straight man, you should never be holding your dick, telling another man, I love you!
08:21Can I take a picture?
08:24We're in the bathroom!
08:27I said, no, man!
08:28It's inappropriate!
08:29No, no, no!
08:30It's okay!
08:31It's gonna be funny!
08:33It's very funny!
08:35I said, no, man!
08:36It's not right!
08:37He goes, no, no!
08:38It's okay!
08:39Please!
08:40You're the comedian!
08:41You tell me how to make it funny!
08:43I said, you want it hilarious?
08:45He goes, yes, yes!
08:46Hilarious!
08:47I said, okay!
08:48Let me piss on you!
08:49You take a picture!
08:50I love you!
09:01You want me to take a piss on you, too?
09:08I've been a fan since the 90s!
09:11Oh, yeah?
09:13This lady's been my fan since the 90s.
09:16Yes, yes.
09:17Yes.
09:18I was not a comedian in the 90s.
09:23No, I wasn't.
09:25You have a picture?
09:27Of me in the 90s?
09:31Can you check the genetics on row 19?
09:35CJ 35.
09:38I think dementia is hitting, yeah?
09:44Tell her how old I am.
09:45Aren't you the PhD scientist of the discovery of the genetics?
09:49Ask the doctor in the front.
09:51What?
09:52You need to finger me to find out?
09:56This guy, what kind of fucking doctor are you?
10:00This is not a car mechanic shop for you to oil change.
10:06You're really my fan, huh?
10:09Oh, she's a sweetheart.
10:10She's a sweetheart.
10:11I love you.
10:12Give her a round of applause.
10:16I'm going to tell you something tonight you hear from me.
10:20Age is just a bullshit-ass number.
10:23You've got to feel good.
10:25You've got to take care of yourself.
10:27You've got to live good.
10:28You could be the oldest 30-year-old or the youngest 70-year-old.
10:32Yeah?
10:34Live it.
10:35Like strong, man.
10:37Every day counts.
10:38Laugh every single day.
10:42Every single day.
10:43The other day I missed my flight.
10:47Yeah?
10:49And I thought about this topic.
10:54I thought I need to share this with my audience.
10:58Yeah?
10:59So you guys never fall into this trap.
11:02Okay?
11:04I missed my flight and I'm letting you know.
11:06When the door of the plane is closed.
11:10Okay?
11:12By aviation rules, they can't open it again.
11:15So don't beg those counter people to open the door.
11:19I want my fans to keep their pride and go home.
11:23Yeah?
11:25Don't beg these people.
11:27These counter people at the airport are some of the meanest,
11:30most evil, twisted, sick, psycho.
11:37Zombies of all time.
11:39They're just standing there like...
11:43You know how sick you gotta be to take that job.
11:46Just be so happy that vulnerable people, they miss their flight.
11:50They just stand there so excited to tell them,
11:54the door is closed.
11:57They love doing this shit.
12:00They love it.
12:02Don't beg them.
12:03Never give them the pleasure.
12:04Keep your pride and walk away.
12:07The other day, I miss a flight.
12:10Okay?
12:12And I told myself, I'm not even gonna look at this agent.
12:15All right?
12:17So I get there.
12:18I walk.
12:19I see her.
12:20Now she's bottled up.
12:21She couldn't wait.
12:22She was so excited for this one person that missing the flight
12:26to arrive and destroy that person.
12:28She was just like...
12:32Standing there.
12:33I don't even give her eye contact.
12:35I just walk by her.
12:37I looked.
12:38I wanted to see if the door of the plane is closed or not.
12:41I looked.
12:42The door is closed.
12:43I'm about to leave.
12:44I can feel her energy.
12:45She's staring into my soul.
12:52And I'm looking at the door and I said, let me mess with her a little bit.
12:55Yeah?
12:56Let me give her a taste of her own medicine.
12:57I look at the door and I smile so big as if I'm so happy the door is closed.
13:01I went, ha, ha, ha.
13:05And she got a little pissed me.
13:07Her wires crossed.
13:10Her brain's like, why is this guy happy that the door is closed?
13:14I smile big and I walk away.
13:17I'm leaving.
13:18And as I'm leaving, she can't help it.
13:21She screams.
13:23The door is closed.
13:28I looked at her.
13:29I said, who gives a shit?
13:32And I walked away.
13:34Oh my God.
13:36I said that?
13:37She, she died inside.
13:40She has never in her entire career experienced somebody who doesn't care about missing their flight.
13:46I walked away.
13:48She couldn't help it.
13:49She screams in the airport.
13:52Why?
13:54Why?
13:55Why don't you give a shit?
14:00She had a meltdown.
14:02I came back and I thought to myself, I'm going to teach her a big lesson.
14:06I came back and I said, ma'am, because I am Iranian.
14:11And she was confused.
14:12She said, what the hell?
14:13I said, we believe when we miss a flight, it wasn't meant to be.
14:27That means God has a plan for this plane.
14:30And he doesn't want me to be a part of that plan.
14:35From the bottom of my heart, good luck.
14:40I walk away.
14:41She pissed herself.
14:44She messages the pilot immediately.
14:46Oh my God.
14:47A suspicious Iranian man came to the counter.
14:52Is it God has a plan for this plane?
14:55And good luck.
14:57The pilot shot himself.
15:00He calls the police, air marshal, TSA, security.
15:04Everybody come.
15:06They cancel the flight.
15:07I took the next flight.
15:14I arrived before anybody else.
15:22I saw an Iranian couple missed their flight once.
15:27And this is how I decided I got to talk about this.
15:32I missed a flight one day.
15:33As I'm leaving the counter, I saw an Iranian couple running to this counter.
15:36Yeah?
15:37And as they were running, I was like, oh my God, I got to watch this.
15:43This is gold.
15:45So like a little creep, I stood in the corner.
15:49Just to see what's going to happen.
15:52The couple, they start running.
15:55The husband gets to the counter.
15:57He goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:01Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:03See, Iranians, we make certain sounds.
16:07Only we understand what it means.
16:10It has a distinct meaning.
16:12Yeah?
16:14There's sounds.
16:15No words needed.
16:16But we know what it means.
16:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:20It means something bad happened.
16:23It means something horrible happened.
16:25Okay?
16:26Do you want to learn how to do it?
16:28If you want to do it properly, you have to think and picture an owl being fingered.
16:36What does an owl sound like?
16:46Oh, oh, oh.
16:49But when you fingered the owl.
16:52Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:56The pink dye guy loved it.
17:11The husband goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
17:15The wife goes, what happened?
17:17He goes, we missed the flight.
17:20She goes, what are we going to do now?
17:25He goes, huri.
17:27Her name was huri.
17:28Huri.
17:30Please do something.
17:34Iranian men, they know they cannot do shit themselves anyways.
17:43If anybody can do anything, it's the women.
17:46It's the women.
17:52That's right.
17:54Huri, confident Iranian woman, looks at her husband.
17:57She goes, don't worry about it.
17:58I got you.
18:02She walks up to the counter with so much confidence.
18:07Excuse me?
18:10We have arrived.
18:11Open the door.
18:17We have arrived.
18:18Open the door.
18:20The lady goes, the door is closed.
18:23Huri goes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
18:30Here comes Persian negotiations at its best.
18:34Okay, okay.
18:36Open the door a little bit.
18:38We go inside.
18:39Now the white lady's gonna be like, oh my God, I didn't think a little bit is not a problem.
18:51Oh my God, I thought you wanted all the way open.
18:56The lady goes, the door is closed.
18:58Dude, Huri realizes it's a bad situation.
19:05She goes, Persian drama immediately.
19:09Please.
19:13Please.
19:15Open the door.
19:18Please.
19:20Open the door, please.
19:23The husband goes, Huri is not working.
19:26Huri is not working.
19:31The lady goes,
19:33Please.
19:35Please.
19:37We're at LAX airport in Los Angeles.
19:40This lady goes bananas.
19:42Please.
19:44Please.
19:46Open the door.
19:48Open the door.
19:50I have surgery.
19:52Please.
19:53Please.
19:54Open the door.
19:55I have surgery.
19:59The husband goes, Huri.
20:01Say it's your birthday.
20:05She's not even listening.
20:08Please.
20:10I have surgery.
20:12On my birthday.
20:15Open the door.
20:18Please.
20:20Dude, people are going, what the hell?
20:23All of a sudden, Huri realizes it's not working.
20:26She changes tactic.
20:28Excuse me.
20:30Are you married?
20:35Most ha-ha thing you can do.
20:37The lady, she's an evil bitch.
20:39Nobody marries her.
20:41She goes, no, I'm single.
20:43She goes, I pray for you.
20:45I will pray for you.
20:48I will pray for you.
20:50As if she's Jesus Christ.
20:53I pray beautiful man come into your life.
20:57I will pray.
20:59As she's praying, the plane takes off.
21:02Huri and the husband realize, game over.
21:09Huri snaps.
21:12I pray.
21:14Motherfakir!
21:16Motherfakir!
21:18Fuck you!
21:20Fuck you!
21:22Fuck you!
21:24The husband goes, Huri, relax.
21:28She turns to the husband.
21:30Fuck you too!
21:32Fuck you!
21:36The husband goes, you haven't fucked me for 40 years.
21:44You never fucked me!
21:47Please, fuck me!
21:52You!
21:53You go to standby.
21:56You guys know what happens at standby?
21:58Yeah?
22:00When you miss your flight, you go to the next flight
22:03that's going to the same destination, yeah?
22:05But you have to wait for them to get all the passengers on the plane first
22:10once everybody's on board.
22:12If there's any room on the plane, they call your name.
22:15Huri.
22:17Every 10 minutes goes to the counter.
22:18Excuse me?
22:19Did you call Huri?
22:21They're like, ma'am, please wait, okay?
22:24You have to wait till the entrance.
22:25Okay, okay, okay.
22:27Huri comes back and the husband, they make a picnic.
22:32She pulls out 50 napkins she stole from McDonald's.
22:38She opens it up.
22:40Pistachio, cashew, sunflower seeds, cucumber, tomatoes, eggplant.
22:49She starts making sandwiches.
22:52Every five minutes, Huri would go to the counter.
22:56Excuse me?
22:57Did you call Huri?
23:01They're like, ma'am, please go sit down.
23:03At the very end, we'll call you.
23:04Okay, okay, okay.
23:05Five minutes later, she would take some pistachios.
23:09Excuse me, do you like pistachio?
23:11Did you call Huri?
23:14Huri, please have a seat.
23:16Okay, okay, okay.
23:1810 times she goes, did you call Huri?
23:21Finally, at the very end,
23:24there's only one seat available.
23:30They call my name.
23:36Huri gets electrocuted.
23:40I grab my bag, I'm going to the plane.
23:42Huri steps up.
23:43Excuse me, Maximini?
23:46I turned around.
23:48Hi, Huri.
23:51Oh, how do you know my name?
23:54I said, to be honest with you, the whole airport knows your name.
24:00Really?
24:01I said, yes.
24:04Huri goes, you know, you're an honorable Iranian artist, and I am an older Iranian woman.
24:12How could you walk in front of me and not offer me your seat?
24:16Immediately, I pulled out my boarding pass and I gave it to her.
24:20I said, go ahead Huri, you can have a seat.
24:23Huri couldn't believe it.
24:24She said, oh my God.
24:27I can't believe you gave it to me.
24:30I said, of course, Huri.
24:32Why would I not give it to you?
24:34You have surgery.
24:38On your birthday.
24:42She goes, oh.
24:44I was lying.
24:48I said, it's okay, go ahead.
24:49She goes, no.
24:50I cannot go.
24:52We need two seats.
24:54Me and my husband.
24:55Here, you go.
24:57She gives me the boarding pass and I go, Huri, what are you doing?
25:01You knew there's only one seat.
25:04She goes, I know.
25:06I just wanted to come up and talk to you because I'm a big fan.
25:09I remember you from the 90s.
25:12I said, Huri, I wasn't a comedian in the 90s.
25:28She goes, yes, you were a comedian.
25:30I have a picture with you.
25:36She goes, can I ask you a favor?
25:38I said, what is it?
25:39She goes, can you come in the bathroom and take a picture with me?
25:45I want it to be very funny.
25:48My God.
25:50I took the boarding pass.
25:52I walked on the plane.
25:54And I was really happy.
25:55I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to make it to my destination.
25:57You know the feeling?
25:58Sometimes you start your day, it's sort of shitty.
26:01Yeah, it doesn't go your way, but it's working out.
26:03That's how I felt.
26:04I'm like, man, I'm on the plane now.
26:06This is great.
26:07I look at my boarding pass.
26:08My seat, 28B.
26:10I walk up to my seat.
26:13I couldn't believe this shit.
26:1528B was missing.
26:19I look.
26:20I look at the boarding pass.
26:22There is no seat.
26:23My seat.
26:24My seat happened to be between two of the biggest humans on planet Earth.
26:34These two guys were so big, my seat in the middle disappeared.
26:37I couldn't believe it.
26:38I looked at the flight attendant.
26:39Excuse me, 28B is missing.
26:40She knew what's happening.
26:41She goes, sir, your seat is right there.
26:42And then she ran away.
26:44I'm like, what?
26:45I look at the guys.
26:46I go, sorry, guys, that's my seat.
26:47The guys looked at each other.
26:48What seat?
26:49I said, the crack right there.
26:50They look between their biceps together unison.
26:53They're like, we're going to make it happen.
26:54I said, thank you so much.
26:55The guy said, can you turn around?
26:56I trusted him.
26:57I'm like, what?
26:58I'm like, what?
26:59I look at the guys.
27:00I go, sorry, guys.
27:01That's my seat.
27:02The guys looked at each other.
27:03What seat?
27:04I said, the crack right there.
27:08They looked between their biceps together unison and they're like, we're going to make
27:15it happen.
27:16I said, thank you so much.
27:18The guy said, can you turn around?
27:21I trusted him.
27:23I turned around.
27:24He grabbed the back of my pants and he started pulling.
27:26Now the guy is pulling.
27:28I'm right at the crack.
27:30Okay.
27:31The other guy is pushing himself to the window.
27:33He's just pancake to the window.
27:35This guy is pulling my pants.
27:37I'm right between them.
27:38Right.
27:39And all of a sudden he goes, push, push.
27:43I'm like, okay, I'm pushing loud.
27:46He goes, push, push.
27:48I'm like, I'm pushing.
27:49I'm going to become aerodynamic.
27:52I'm like, okay.
27:53I become aerodynamic.
27:54Push.
27:55I'm like, I'm pushing.
27:58Push, pushing.
28:00Then he goes, bend over.
28:01Excuse me?
28:04Don't worry.
28:05I'm a professional.
28:06I'm like, okay.
28:08Aerodynamic.
28:09I bend over.
28:10He goes, push.
28:11I'm pushing.
28:12Now the whole plane goes, push, push.
28:14Push.
28:15It was like giving bursts, but the other way around.
28:18I was trying to go inside the hole.
28:23Push, push.
28:25I went right between the crack.
28:26It was amazing.
28:27I was going inside.
28:28Push.
28:29And then I got stuck.
28:30Everyone's like, push, push, push.
28:33I was turning red.
28:34I'm pushing.
28:35All of a sudden the guy goes, wait.
28:38I have Vaseline.
28:44I go, how do you have Vaseline?
28:46He goes, I work for Mercedes-Benz downtown.
28:48He put on some Vaseline.
29:03Push.
29:04Everyone's push.
29:05I'm pushing.
29:06Boom.
29:07I fell inside.
29:09Oh my God.
29:11I fell inside the hole.
29:14I've never felt this comfortable in my life before.
29:19The best feeling in the world.
29:21This was the best hole I've ever experienced.
29:25It was so gushy-mushy.
29:29Honestly, I've never felt this good before.
29:31I'm inside.
29:32I'm between these two guys in this little hole.
29:34Oh my God.
29:36You know you got to take those donut little pillows for the plane?
29:39I needed nothing.
29:41Every crevice of my body was filled.
29:46I'm sitting there like a baby.
29:47I'm like, oh my God.
29:50I felt like I was between two Tempur-Pedic pillows.
29:54So good, man.
29:56Plane takes off.
29:57I fall asleep.
29:59I never fall asleep on the plane.
30:01I immediately fell asleep.
30:03Like a baby.
30:04Like, mmm.
30:06I sleep for four hours.
30:10Four hours later.
30:12I wake up.
30:14I open my left eye.
30:17Everything else was covered.
30:23Looking around.
30:24I saw the flight attendant.
30:26The flight attendant saw me.
30:27She freaked out.
30:28She's like, oh my God.
30:29She saw a hole and an eyeball just sticking out.
30:36Are you okay?
30:38I blinked twice for yes.
30:44She goes, sir, would you like something to drink?
30:47I said, no, thank you.
30:50I've already been breastfed.
30:59Now, if this plane would have crashed,
31:01I would have been the only survivor.
31:05What just happened?
31:06I like this audience.
31:10This is a good show.
31:12Look at this two couple.
31:14So stylish.
31:16I just noticed.
31:17I'm sorry.
31:18I didn't recognize sooner.
31:21My God.
31:22You couldn't wait for me to pick on you.
31:25Look at your glasses.
31:27Half white, half black.
31:31Your girlfriend, bright pink.
31:33My God.
31:35Oh, married.
31:36I'm sorry.
31:39Match made in heaven.
31:41You saw each other.
31:42Oh, my God.
31:43Oh, my God.
31:45What's your name, buddy?
31:47Hussain.
31:48Hussain and?
31:50Hediyat.
31:51And you guys, you're into fashion?
31:54You teach fashion?
31:56No.
31:58And this is the fucking result?
32:03She ordered the most ridiculous glasses.
32:13Can I borrow those glasses, please?
32:18Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna teach you how to look more stylish.
32:29Honey, I love you.
32:30How do I look?
32:31You look fly, baby.
32:34Oh, my God.
32:35Thank you very much.
32:40Give it up for Hussain, everybody.
32:43Love you, man.
32:45As soon as the show's over, throw him away.
32:57What is that evil laugh?
32:58The laugh.
33:00She has the laugh of those airline counter ladies.
33:05Wah!
33:07Wah!
33:08Wah!
33:11Yeee!
33:13Wah-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
33:16My family, my entire family, they're crazy.
33:20so when I see crazy I connect yeah and I feel good I'm telling you my whole
33:27family's crazy every family at least has one crazy person right at least one you
33:32know what I'm talking about we all have that one crazy person in our family and
33:36when she calls when he calls we're all like oh shit the crazy person shows up
33:42to Thanksgiving oh shit if you're sitting here like oh my family is perfect if you
33:48think there's no crazy person in your family you're the one one of my uncles
33:56he is such an intense nerve-wracking stress freak yeah he tells me Max I want
34:03to fly with you from LA to DC I said sure okay I pick him up he gets into the car
34:11I've never seen him this nervous ever before he's shaking he's worried he's
34:16got anxiety I go uncle you okay he goes no no no yes yes yes no no yes no no no I'm not okay
34:24I go what's going on he goes we're going to the airport every time I go to the
34:30airport they randomly select me you get it like yes he goes no you don't get it
34:38but it's so random if it's every time I am not terrorist I go I know you're not
34:46terrorist uncle relax he goes no they think I'm terrorist I've been shaving since 7 o'clock
34:51last night it's already growing back I think the metal detector detects how much body hair you have
35:01he has his own philosophies he's super nervous I go I'm relaxing no no no no you don't understand
35:09I am very worried okay we get there they pick me in front of everybody they select me people my
35:16friends think I am terrorist I go okay just just calm down and then he starts talking to himself
35:21this is what older Iranian men do he sits there he starts literally just sitting right next to me in
35:26the car I go uncle you okay but they don't know who I am I go who are you I am a great person I go okay
35:51relax I'd never seen him this nervous we get to the airport we're standing in line man he literally
36:00is shaking we're standing in security line he is so nervous he makes me nervous he made me so nervous
36:10now I'm shaking we're two Middle Easterns just shaking walking so suspiciously in the line
36:18dude we get to the front the officer he's just very chill and my uncle is so tense
36:29he goes sir can you step up everything he says my uncle repeats step up
36:34the guy goes yes sir can I have your ID he goes ID
36:41the officer takes the ID looks at the ID looks at my uncle and goes you've been selected for a random search sir
36:50my uncle gets so mad and when he gets angry you can't understand what he's saying
36:57the officer looks at me goes sir I don't understand what he's saying are you together
37:05I said no I have no idea who he is you don't know I change your diaper I change your diaper
37:14I said sir I'm a grown-ass man I don't wear a diaper
37:17they take him to the side oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh they give him some Mercedes-Benz dealership
37:30oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I haven't spoken to the uncle in 10 years
37:38after I saw that incident I thought to myself you know what never let anybody make you feel that
37:49uncomfortable yeah you make them uncomfortable yeah why would you let someone stress you out so much
37:59like that now every time I go to the airport I take a revenge on behalf of my uncle
38:07I go stand in the security line and pretend I can't wait to be selected
38:12I just stand there so happy hi I volunteer like sir get back in line okay I go a little bit more
38:20hello I would love the body search
38:23and you get to the front and immediately go sir you're selected for a random check I'm like yes
38:31yes yes and they take me to the side and they ask me they always ask you sir would you like a private
38:38screening or a public screening public
38:41can you spread your legs yes
38:47officer search me and as soon as they touch me I start mourning oh yes officer I'm hiding oh yes
39:07officer a little higher you can find my genetics
39:11yes
39:13yes
39:14they usually freak out they're like get the fuck out of here
39:21go back to netherlands thank you
39:24but but I'm just saying like in life you got to just really entertain yourself isn't it like
39:34I'm telling you if you don't you get depressed yeah you got to you got to try you got to get out of
39:41the house you got to do shit it takes effort otherwise you regret yeah you want to do the
39:47shit you're scared of personally I want to share with you one of the scariest most exciting experience
39:53in my life and to be honest with you I didn't really choose to face my fear in this case the fear
39:59faced me okay who here has done skydiving before yes oh wow where did you jump
40:06afghanistan ah I see you were escaping afghanistan
40:12that's completely different habibi we're talking about recreational stuff yeah
40:17not escaping afghanistan were you the guy we're hanging on the plane
40:20good to see you man you made it white people laugh it's okay
40:24this is all okay it's a crowd we're having fun he knows we're good okay so I'm in Dubai I'm doing a
40:33radio interview and on air the girl that was interviewing me she loved skydiving and she
40:39couldn't stop talking about it she goes oh my god it's the best thing in the world every time I jump
40:44out of the plane adrenaline hits my body comes out of my ears and my nipples get hard it's amazing and
40:51then she keeps telling me do you like it what would you do how would you jump and I was trying to be
40:55fun on the air I was like I don't know I'll backflip and belly dance all the way down and she's like oh
41:00my god that's so amazing so we were laughing having a good conversation the interview ends the manager of
41:07the radio station walks in and she goes oh my god max I love the interview this was so great we have a
41:14surprise for you I go huh he goes we called Dubai skydiving and we we squeezed you in there are
41:24always books but they allowed us to take you right now I was like oh all of a sudden the whole station
41:32starts screaming celebrating yes yes the lady's like ah I was like okay now I'm scared of heights
41:40heights I didn't know what to say I was like okay it was already a done deal we get in the car we go
41:46to the place not the whole time inside I'm freaked out we get there they gave me an Arab instructor I'm
41:53standing there the guy sits between my legs he he I put on the parachute and he's pulling the the straps
42:00okay if you've never done this here I tell you exactly what goes through your mind I'm standing there and all I can
42:07think is what if this parachute doesn't open I couldn't stop thinking about this shit my brain
42:16was constantly just twirling the same thought over and over what if this doesn't open I fall out of the
42:22plane and I started seeing myself the parachute didn't open now I'm I'm seeing it happen in front
42:28of me as I'm standing there I fell out of the plane I exploded I exploded my legs went one way my arms
42:40and as I was watching I saw my dick flying in the air it's like what the and I got
42:51concerned what's gonna happen to my dick I was watching all of a sudden an eagle flew by
43:03the eagle grabbed my dick and flew to the highest mountain and fed the baby eagles
43:12have you seen it on Discovery Channel how hungry these babies are like
43:21it was the most delicious meat they've ever had in their life
43:26all of a sudden my instructor is pulling so hard on the strap I come back to reality
43:30and he goes it's tight it's very good very tight very good very tight very good tight very good
43:33very good very good very good very tight very good very good very tight I go what are you doing
43:37good it's very tight it's very good I go I know he was such a pervert my luck I got an Arab pervert
43:45instructor he's got the googly eyes it's very tight very good very tight very good very good very tight
43:50I go Habibi it's tight it's very good let it go
43:55he goes okay follow me I follow the guy we go into the small plane we sit on the plane now it's a small
44:00plane all these people are so excited plane takes off the higher the plane goes
44:06more excited my instructor gets
44:12all of a sudden we get to the right altitude the pilot guy gets on the
44:15walkie thing and he speaks in Arabic when we're when we're in UAE and he goes
44:19my Arabic is fantastic I explained to you what he said he said now we have arrived to the right altitude
44:40uh if you make it down there there's going to be free hummus and shwarma
44:43they all of a sudden open the door of the plane air hits in what a weird feeling air comes in
44:55that air comes in dude it's the scariest thing you can experience people jump out
45:00of the plane and they disappear like it's weird they jump
45:10what all of a sudden my instructor goes habibi habibi habibi
45:14i go what he goes sit on my lap
45:20now i didn't know about this part i thought this guy is a pervert
45:25he's trying to get me like jump on his lap you know because i'm nervous all of a sudden i don't
45:30know what's happening you know i was like hell no he's like habibi yallah habibi yallah i said no
45:37sir i'm not gonna sit on your lap all of a sudden this guy grabbed me lifts me and puts me on his lap
45:45dude i'm a grown ass man sitting on another man's lap he has a hook on his jacket and he
45:52hooked in on the back of mine so i'm stuck to him like this
45:58his mustache is tickling my neck
46:00i stopped breathing i don't want to make one inch move just in case this guy gets excited
46:12and i experience some arabic surprise
46:18all of a sudden he goes habibi let's go i get up i'm like okay okay okay okay
46:22the door of the plane is open oh my god this is the scariest time you're standing there
46:30at the door of the plane and the guy goes jump i look down
46:38shit i saw the whole galaxy
46:44mars pluto earth they were all like walking twirling around each other having a great time
46:51this guy like jump in that moment i was like what am i doing
46:56if one percent this parachute doesn't open i'm gonna die are you crazy max you have a good life
47:07don't do this in that moment i decided i'm not gonna jump now the instructor keeps yelling jump go
47:15jump i said no he goes habibi go i said habibi no
47:22no he goes go i said sir no means no he goes let's go
47:33i fell out of the plane holding my asshole
47:43dude is screaming open your legs open your legs you have to come down like this i was like hell no
47:53he goes he was happy we're gonna die i said i will die a virgin
48:03dude he was freaking out everybody else
48:10we're like this coming down slow him and i were coming down so fast we're like
48:17we're coming down
48:21dude we hit the ground we hit the ground so hard and he's my instructor he's underneath
48:28he hits the ground first boom he hits his dick breaks
48:33his arabic dick flies in the air i was like oh my god it happened his arabic dick was going in the air
48:44out of nowhere an eagle flew by
48:49grabs the arabic dick but he but the but the eagle was struggling with the dick
48:54it was too heavy
48:55second eagle flew by two eagles took the arabic dick flew to the highest mountain and fed all the
49:09eagle babies in the world
49:14they asked me sir how was your experience i said what part the jump or the penetration
49:19is
49:36thank you
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