00:00Iraq! Wow, Iraq!
00:01This is so nice.
00:03You came here by yourself tonight?
00:05We are from Dallas.
00:06You're from Dallas.
00:07You came from Dallas to see the show.
00:09Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you.
00:12Don't clap. They're Arabs.
00:13They have so much money. They don't know what to do.
00:15They're like, okay, yeah.
00:17Driver, driver to Austin.
00:19We want to laugh. Ha-ha tonight.
00:21Go drive me. Drive me to Ha-ha.
00:24The driver's like, where is Ha-ha?
00:26Just drive me somewhere funny.
00:30I'm glad you made it here, yeah?
00:32And you just, two of you came out,
00:33not the family. You left the men at home?
00:35No men? You're not married?
00:37I'm a widow.
00:38You're a widow? Oh, okay.
00:40Well, God bless you. And what about you?
00:43Not married?
00:44What happened to your husband?
00:47I mean, Habibti,
00:48how much longer are you going to wait?
00:52Like, just going around
00:52being a good Arab girl. How are you?
00:54No, thank you. No, thank you.
00:56Can I have your number? No, thank you.
00:57No, no, no, no, no.
00:59No, no, no, no.
01:00How are you going to meet somebody?
01:06Buddy, what's happening?
01:08You okay? You on your phone?
01:09You're pissed.
01:10What's up, man?
01:11527.
01:12Huh?
01:13I see 527.
01:16Okay.
01:18What?
01:20Wait, I'm working on it.
01:22What?
01:26And who's the lady next to you?
01:27My wife.
01:28Oh, your wife.
01:28If you're in trouble, blink twice.
01:34I see you on your phone.
01:35Everything okay?
01:36No, I'm not on my phone.
01:36I'm just in pain.
01:37You're in pain, my brother?
01:39Thank you for her.
01:40Oh.
01:40Well, I hope you leave here feeling better, my man.
01:49What kind of topics do you like?
01:51Whatever she likes.
01:52No, no.
01:52Well, they say whatever she likes.
01:55I know who's the bitch in your relationship.
01:58Listen, listen.
02:00You know, take a deep breath and focus on your dick.
02:03Yes?
02:05Why I say that?
02:06Men, when we focus on...
02:07What does my dick want tonight?
02:10All the problems are solved.
02:12Okay?
02:16No, say it again.
02:18Well, you mentioned something about 60s is better.
02:22So, 40s, 40s, something, 40s, some 30s.
02:26And I was like, what should we do now?
02:28I tell you, you also make no sense.
02:34She interrupted the floor of the show and go, what is it?
02:37She goes, 40s, 50s, 40s, what should we do now?
02:42You should listen to the rest of the show.
02:49So, 20s, 20s...
02:52Who's the fucking mistake?
02:55Don't talk.
02:56Don't talk.
02:57There's 1,200 people here.
03:01I didn't say, what should we do?
03:02You said, what should we do?
03:04I never said, what should we do?
03:06Ever.
03:08Buddy, how bad you need to get laid tonight
03:10that you fucking roofie your wife.
03:13She's delusional right now.
03:16He did?
03:17Of course he did.
03:21Cheers, my love.
03:21Cheers.
03:23Oh, hold on.
03:24She has a question.
03:27Please, get it off your chest and then I'll move on.
03:29Go.
03:30What should we do after?
03:34Me, you, and your husband should have a threesome.
03:36That's what I think we should do in our 40s.
03:43Look, your husband likes that shit.
03:46Look, your husband goes, hey, one night off for me.
03:51You have a better idea.
03:53You have a better idea.
03:55Go ahead.
03:57Powder room lounge, you want to go hang out there?
03:59Can I be dead honest with you?
04:01Can you take it?
04:02Can you?
04:06Of everyone in this theater,
04:08everyone, every single seat in this theater,
04:11the last person I want to hang out with is you.
04:14I'm being honest.
04:18Listen.
04:21Listen.
04:22For the first time, the muscle man smiled.
04:26The muscle man, nothing made his pain go away
04:30until I started fucking with you.
04:32Listen, I'm just joking, yeah?
04:36I know you're sweet, but you shouldn't be joking.
04:38I'm the comedian.
04:40You should say nothing.
04:41I swear to God, this is how it works.
04:43But I play with the audience,
04:44but if you keep doing it, I cannot continue, yeah?
04:47Let me keep moving, and then at the end,
04:49I go to powder room,
04:50whatever the fuck room you want to go out there.
04:53Give her a big round of applause, everybody.
04:55One second, guys, one second.
05:00You thought your wife is bad?
05:01You're lucky you didn't marry that much.
05:05Wake up tomorrow morning?
05:07Grateful, my brother.
05:09It could have been worse.
05:11It could have been worse.
05:12Oh, my God.
05:16Come on, now.
05:18You're so sensitive.
05:19It's fucking stand-up comedy.
05:21Chill out.
05:23Let's move.
05:23You're the best.
05:24You're the best.
05:25I swear to God, you're the best.
05:26You're the best.
05:27You're the best, honey.
05:27You're the best.
05:28This is what happens.
05:29One Iranian.
05:29I remember that one Iranian I told you,
05:31top of the show.
05:31It happens.
05:32Then I went to powder room.
05:36That was fun, yeah?
05:37Yeah.
05:37Were you that lady?
05:38Are you that lady?
05:39Are you that fucking lady
05:40that was talking to my show on Sunday?
05:42Wow, you're so nice tonight.
05:45Were you drunk that night?
05:47You were drunk.
05:48Listen, she heckled me.
05:50I swear to God,
05:51most of you guys weren't there.
05:52This woman wouldn't let me talk.
05:54And then you said,
05:55you screamed,
05:55come to powder room.
05:57You said that, right?
05:58Was that you?
05:59Yes.
06:02No, you were heckling me.
06:06You don't understand.
06:07You were on something.
06:08I just nicely invited you.
06:09I was on something?
06:10Yeah.
06:12Okay, you think you were nice to me?
06:15You want to have an honest conversation?
06:17How many people here at my show?
06:19You remember her?
06:20Yes.
06:21Okay, give me an honest opinion.
06:24What, was she being nice?
06:26What was she?
06:27She was arguing with me.
06:28And then her husband told me,
06:30suck Tony's dick.
06:31You remember that shit?
06:32It was the most fun
06:34I ever had at a job, man.
06:36You're gonna fuck Tony.
06:37No, thank you.
06:38But I give him your number.
06:41Let's go.
06:43You forgot that part?
06:45Is that nice?
06:46Is that nice?
06:48I don't remember that.
06:50I've had nightmares.
06:52Every night I sleep,
06:53you and your husband
06:54come to my dreams.
06:55Suck Tony's dick!
06:59Well, good to see you.
07:00You're so sweet.
07:01What happened to your husband?
07:02You guys got divorced?
07:06He's in California?
07:07Do you want to have a free time with you, too?
07:10No, I want...
07:11Thank you for reminding me.
07:19I appreciate it.
07:20Unfortunately, her husband's not in town.
07:22Maybe you can join us.
07:25Since you have such a good memory.
07:29You're 28, that's wonderful, and who's this guy that's tired sitting next to you?
07:38Who's this guy?
07:39Who's this guy?
07:39He's like hanging on his chair.
07:41He's like...
07:42Who watches comedy?
07:44Do you have hemorrhoid in your asshole or something?
07:46Why can't you sit up on your chair like everybody else?
07:50He's hanging off the chair, this guy.
07:54He's your husband?
07:56How did he...
07:57Wow, you're so hot.
07:59You're so young.
08:01And what country are you from?
08:03Russian.
08:04Oh, fuck.
08:06You guys got married online, huh?
08:11You're from Ukraine?
08:12We fuck every day.
08:18He goes, I'm from Ukraine.
08:19We fuck every day.
08:23That's not even what I asked.
08:25It made no sense.
08:28He goes, I'm Russian.
08:29You met online.
08:30He goes, no, we fuck every day.
08:33Are you bragging now?
08:36Good for you.
08:38Fight.
08:39Fight every day.
08:40You meant you fight every day.
08:44How do you go from...
08:45We fuck every day.
08:46Sorry.
08:46We fuck.
08:47We fight every day.
08:50You guys have different political views, huh?
08:53Well, this is so beautiful.
08:55Two rival countries who are in a war right now.
08:58Yeah?
08:59You guys make peace and fucking bring love.
09:01This is so nice.
09:02Good for you.
09:0328-year-old sexy Russian with a 72-year-old.
09:09This is the blessing of being from Ukraine, yeah?
09:12You know, you bring guilt to this shit.
09:15You're bombing my country.
09:16You want to go out with me?
09:18We don't need to fight.
09:19We can fuck.
09:20You don't need to fight your own 55-year-old girl.
09:20We don't need to go away.
09:21We don't need to fight.
09:22We don't need to.
09:23Eat.
09:28Eat.
09:29Eat.
09:37Eat.
09:38Eat.
09:38Eat.
09:39Eat.
09:39Eat.
09:39Eat.
09:39Eat.
09:40Get what you want, oh!
09:41Eat.
09:41Eat.
09:43Eat.
09:43Eat.
09:43Eat.
09:44Eat.
09:44Eat.
09:45Eat.
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