- 2 days ago
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FunTranscript
00:00TEXOBEATS!
00:08What do you do, Karan?
00:10Dentist! You're a Sikh dentist?
00:13Do other Sikhs come to fix their teeth with you?
00:16How do you do it? There's beard everywhere.
00:19You don't know where you're putting the thing, you know?
00:22Is it in your mouth? Is it in your mouth yet?
00:25Is it in your mouth now? Is it in your mouth yet?
00:28Where's your mouth? Open your mouth.
00:31My mouth is open. I see nothing.
00:35You're a professional. You know how to find it.
00:37You blow it.
00:41Oh, I found it!
00:48Sir, you took your shoes off already?
00:52He took his shoes and was like, I don't like my shoes.
00:55It feels better without the shoes, huh?
01:00What's your name?
01:02Achoo? Achoo? You're comfortable?
01:06It's Delhi. He's like, I don't need the shoes.
01:10It was Mumbai. They would have three more shoes just in case.
01:13One pair on, one pair just in case, another pair as a back up.
01:19Buddy, don't put the shoes on. Be comfortable.
01:20I want you to take your pants off too. I don't care.
01:23Just really enjoy yourself.
01:26At my show, everybody should be comfortable, yeah?
01:29Everybody should be comfortable.
01:31That's wonderful, man. That's your lovely lady there.
01:34Yeah? You brought your pillow with you?
01:36What, did you guys think this is camping?
01:39Oh, it's your jacket, okay.
01:41Well, when he took his shoes off, I thought you were going to take a nap.
01:45Let's go to the Maximini show and sleep.
01:52From what country?
01:54Tunisia.
01:55Tunisia.
01:56You live in India?
01:58Visiting?
01:59And you're dating that guy next to you.
02:01Also, you came here for love.
02:03Nobody would date you in Tunisia, you came to India.
02:07He's like, I don't like anybody, I like only Tunisians.
02:11He knows what he likes.
02:16You're so many here, you're like, I want something different.
02:20I want a different chute.
02:25This guy knows what he wants.
02:28He likes Tunisian chute.
02:32Good for you, my brother.
02:34What's your name?
02:36Stupid.
02:37Stupid, stupid, nice to meet you.
02:40Of course, there's so many chute here, you go there, you're stupid.
02:45My brother, my brother, that's very nice, man.
02:48And so you went there to visit, and you met her.
02:51I was living in Tunisia.
02:53You were living in Tunisia.
02:55Wow, you were committed to this idea.
02:58And how did you guys meet?
03:01It was a jihad meeting.
03:06She was on a mission.
03:11In a bar?
03:12In a bar.
03:13I love how you guys had a meeting about it first.
03:14What are we saying?
03:16In a bar.
03:18Oh, it took that much of a conversation for you to figure out you met in the bar, huh?
03:22No, you were on a haram app.
03:25That's where you were.
03:27The app was called Haram.
03:29The app was called Haram Chute.
03:30I'm going out of this room without a hug.
03:39Without a hug?
03:40You want a hug from me?
03:42You're so nice.
03:43What's your name?
03:45Kanika?
03:47Your husband is here?
03:48No hug for you.
03:51Husband, give him a hug.
03:55Oh, you're so sweet.
03:56Where is your husband?
03:59That's the husband?
04:00Oh, he's a big husband, too.
04:02Husband, I give you a hug all day, okay?
04:05I love you, man.
04:06So, he didn't want to sit next to you, but now he's like, okay, I know.
04:10Come give me a hug.
04:20Oh, thank you so much.
04:21Oh, thank you.
04:23Husband, you're not jealous yet, are you?
04:26I get you, he gets Salma Hayek.
04:28Oh, shit.
04:30What a bad trade.
04:34You gave him Salma Hayek?
04:36You got me?
04:41You never know, he's Indian.
04:44She goes, he's never going to meet her.
04:47He is going to meet her.
04:49Tomorrow, he's going to hire the IT guy.
04:51He's going to hack into Salma Hayek's phone.
04:53He's like, hello, how are you?
04:56Namaste.
04:58I need a hug.
05:03Come, come sit down wherever you like.
05:04It's okay, it's okay, buddy.
05:05It's India.
05:07Anybody doesn't have a seat, please come sit on stage.
05:10Why are you holding your ass like that?
05:11Sit down.
05:12You have diarrhea?
05:13I thought you used to the food.
05:14Yeah, I know.
05:15You were so funny.
05:16You were great.
05:17Your phone, your flash is on, buddy.
05:18Your phone, the flash is on.
05:19You're a mess, dude.
05:20You're a mess.
05:21You're a mess.
05:22You're a mess.
05:23You got married at a young age?
05:24No.
05:25No.
05:26No.
05:27No.
05:28No.
05:29No.
05:30No.
05:31No.
05:32No.
05:33No.
05:34No.
05:35No.
05:36No.
05:37No.
05:38No.
05:40You got married at a young age.
05:41Is that your husband next to you?
05:43No.
05:45No.
05:54You got married the kid?
05:56No.
05:57No.
05:58No.
05:59No.
06:00That old ass man is your kid?
06:02No.
06:03No!
06:04No.
06:05But she was a young kid,
06:06this son came up with a beard how about you i am here let's go to work
06:15sir you ruined your mother's life
06:22oh there's he's like no no no he's like i agree no no no it's not a bollywood movie sweetheart
06:28oh no how old are you 27 27 years ago you gave birth to this guy this is unbelievable what are you
06:42you went into the time machine this is amazing man 27 year old mom so young and beautiful
06:50do you have a girlfriend no no sweetheart not you mom mom why would you have a girlfriend
06:58mom says it's 2024 you never know so you have a husband at home and girlfriend here
07:04in front of your son your son is like i ruined her life it's okay
07:20what are you doing this guy keeps going to the shelter and comes back
07:25buddy have a seat
07:30what's your name my buddy no not you you're normal guy the guy next to you
07:37what's your name amir you're a very handsome guy tall good looking well dressed yeah look the girls are
07:45like
07:49what's going on with you but you don't act normal what are you doing
07:57are you looking for a boyfriend
08:00what is happening
08:01you already have one you already have one so that's why you keep going out and coming back
08:16oh now he goes i'm straight listen it's okay it's delhi we accept you
08:23they took you outside
08:29yeah you cannot drink yeah this is a halal show
08:34come on man this show is special dude 20 hours i flew here for this show
08:39what are you doing no more passing by here okay what do you do for living you're a lawyer
08:52i don't think you're a lawyer you just said that huh
08:56he goes i'm a lawyer anything that makes money i i know the lawyer you're not a lawyer you're a liar
09:02too much drinking buddy you don't even know what's happening here right now he doesn't even know his
09:10own job he thinks he's a lawyer tonight you know what i mean you have no idea what your job is this
09:18guy you're definitely not a lawyer you're what you're a pedophile
09:24you're not a lawyer you're not a lawyer you're not a lawyer you're not a lawyer you're not a lawyer
09:40he's making up and they're repeating it
09:45pedal facts what is that
09:48he just called himself an artist he said as your artist we lawyers are also artists
09:59i love that i believe it i believe it you sell facts
10:03you know the greek invented this
10:31you're such a drunk lawyer do you think it's nice i'm working this is my job yeah and you just
10:43it's like if you're in the courtroom and the work you have your papers all your documents the judge
10:49goes counselor please go and you stand up and i run take a on your papers
10:56that's exactly what you're doing to my show you took a on my stage
11:01i love you amir don't drink anymore and no more walking you stay there at the end of the night
11:10i'll get you a taxi we send you home okay okay good guy
11:18who traveled from another place to come to this show anybody traveling from out of town
11:22you guys did yes oh wow okay i'll come there in a second yeah let me see here really quick
11:27from where how far no like how long did it take you i'm not this is not a math class 250 kilometers
11:37how would i know my hotel on google drive nine minutes away how i'm going to take 30 minutes
11:47the whole time google goes nine minutes left i'm like you told me that 30 minutes ago
11:51so 250 kilometers i don't know how many days it took you to get here five hours okay who else who
12:00else came from far from where sweetheart that lady where yeah how far is that
12:07we already covered five and a half hours
12:11who came from six hours hold on hold on this guy six hours
12:15further away from him or you're just a slow driver
12:20same place but i didn't know how to go around i'm a mediocre indian driver
12:28no driving you came in the train for six hours dude i feel like you should stay with me tonight
12:36that is so nice of you man
12:38everybody came from another place what about you chicago
12:51you clapping he's lying he didn't come for me from chicago he came here to do import export and he's
12:59like good i go to max i'm gonna be sure yeah man that's your lady i like how you look like double
13:08chicken yeah yes she's i think my wife yes you don't need to look at her you came with her from chicago
13:20and you're still not sure you're still in the same lady okay what are you doing chicago
13:29you do sales can you make it more vague what are you selling
13:36indian groceries indian groceries in chicago what's indian groceries by the way nobody gave me love
13:45my outfit man come on look at this i look sexy huh
13:56i bought this from a chicago grocery store
14:05so you sell stuff to indians in chicago that you cannot find in regular supermarkets
14:10you can find everything in chicago and then you open the indian supermarket
14:18oh you buy here you sell there yeah so you just buy here huh
14:22yeah tell me the one item that's really hard to find there that you get it from here
14:28indian girls
14:31so in other words he's a pimp
14:32that's why he wasn't sure who's sitting next to him thank you sir oh it's my wife
14:42what are you doing here i thought i brought someone else i'm sorry i forgot yes it is my wife
14:51who else came from far away this guy
14:54god bless you man yes yes thank you you having a good time yes hi yes yes what's your name
15:11katya you're not indian huh where are you from you from russia are you undercover agent
15:19are you recording the show for pudin
15:24oh you saw me on instagram you decided to come a russian lady and you live here in india in delhi
15:38you live in moscow you came here for the show
15:42oh my god i love you she's not lying she's so lovely thank you so much
15:53shoot 24 hours he takes a peek indeed look at this lady
16:01what are you talking about 24 hours moscow
16:04she had to sneak out of putin's army thank you sweetheart this is so nice of you you're having fun
16:17i can't tell because you're russian
16:22you know you have to express it a little bit yeah are you having fun
16:27very good time i am laughing on the inside right now
16:31on the outside i look like a statue but inside very very happy i love you girl that's so nice of
16:42you to come all the way from russia wow katya what are you doing in russia what's your job
16:49you're a head hunter
16:50it sounds extra scary coming from russia what are you doing in russia i'm a head hunter
17:02i hunt head every day
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