Mumbai Madness   Part 1   Max Amini   Standup Comedy - video Dailymotion

Fun Time

Watch Mumbai Madness   Part 1   Max Amini   Standup Comedy - Fun Time on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:00I like that guy. Big dude, huh?

00:02He's a big dude.

00:046'3", he blocked half of the theater.

00:08You should pay everybody's ticket back behind you.

00:116'3", you're the biggest Indian in the history of India.

00:15Buddy, what's your name?

00:19He's like, no, no, no.

00:21I have temper issues. I'll kill you.

00:26What's your name?

00:28Weed?

00:29Weed.

00:31Weed.

00:32Weed.

00:33Beed.

00:34Beed.

00:35Beed.

00:36I love how I'm looking at her mouth and I cannot say it.

00:41Beed.

00:42Beed.

00:43Beed.

00:44Beed.

00:45Beed.

00:46Beed.

00:47Beed.

00:48Beed.

00:49Say it in my microphone.

00:51Meat.

00:52His name is Meat.

00:54I hope we're not beef.

00:57Beed.

00:58It's okay.

00:59I tried.

01:00And your big dude.

01:02Beed.

01:03Beed.

01:04Beed.

01:05Beed.

01:06Beed.

01:07Beed.

01:08Beed.

01:09Beed.

01:10Nobody cares about his name anymore.

01:12We're moving� off.

01:13Beed.

01:14Beed.

01:15Beed.

01:16Beed.

01:17Beed.

01:18Beed.

01:19Beed.

01:20Beed.

01:21Is there a revolution happening?

01:26Oh, screen!

01:29Ah, screen! Fix the screen! Thank you!

01:35I had no idea, I thought-

01:37And then this guy gets off and he's like,

01:40Sit your ass down!

01:42They're not talking to you!

01:46Did you see that?

01:47Swear!

01:48Like, fix the screen!

01:52I realized you guys don't know what you guys say either!

01:56I thought it's me I don't understand!

01:58He doesn't even understand!

02:00He thought they were saying, you're the man!

02:04Bro, they're saying fix the screen!

02:08Okay, this is India, the screen is never gonna get fixed!

02:16Alright!

02:18I love it, you guys chant, shit gets fixed!

02:21Now I'm learning how India works!

02:28You're married? Where is she? Why don't you bring your wife?

02:31She's at home thinking of my daughter.

02:33You have only one daughter?

02:34Yeah.

02:35What a loser! Just one?

02:37I have a son as well!

02:38You have a son as well?

02:39You forgot about the son!

02:43That's what I'm saying!

02:44Fathers in India?

02:45They don't know what the hell is happening!

02:48He gets home, there's two more kids!

02:51Oh my God!

02:52Where did they come from?

02:55The wife is, I've been raising them the whole time!

02:57You don't know!

02:58You just come in!

02:59Hello, how are you?

03:00You go!

03:02I am working so hard in the house!

03:04How old were you when you got married?

03:07He doesn't even know, he's like, I don't know!

03:1012 years old, 13...

03:1320?

03:1429 you got married?

03:16Shit, okay!

03:18Look at that big guy!

03:20He's 45 years old, still single!

03:24He's so big, nobody wants to marry him!

03:27He was 22!

03:28He was 22 when he got married!

03:30You know that guy?

03:32Oh!

03:33Everybody has a turban?

03:34It's like a Wi-Fi connection?

03:43You see, he's connected!

03:45You see that?

03:47He's like, I know!

03:48He got married 22!

03:50He got divorced 23!

03:51He's been jerking off since!

03:57He's big!

03:58Dick is smart!

04:00What?

04:02How do you know?

04:03It says it here on the app!

04:06I swear to God, it says, uh...

04:09It's only 9 inches!

04:13I love you dude!

04:15So you guys know each other, huh?

04:18No way!

04:20You gifted him the ticket and he's talking shit about your dick?

04:27This guy!

04:29You're the one talking shit about his dick!

04:36I love your sensitive ass!

04:40He goes, you're talking about dick is his shit!

04:42I don't talk about his dick!

04:44I never cared about his dick!

04:46I saw it one time, I was terrified!

04:49Since then, I never look at his dick!

04:52Why would I look?

04:54I know, I know he's lying!

04:56He never seen your dick!

04:57I know!

04:58You know how I know?

04:59Because you guys are sick!

05:01You guys, don't shave!

05:03Even if you're naked, I don't see nothing!

05:08Right?

05:10Look!

05:11Even me!

05:12I haven't even seen my own dick!

05:16I've been looking for it for a week!

05:17Where are you?

05:21Very confusing!

05:22Where is a dick?

05:23You guys taking a nap?

05:24What is it like?

05:25Too much, uh, masala chai or something?

05:27Yeah?

05:28Yes, you?

05:29What's your name?

05:30Carpet?

05:31Oh, my name is Ron.

05:32Nice to meet you.

05:33Why are you so tired?

05:35Long day?

05:36Bobby, this is the time, put your fucking ass!

05:37We did the whole thing for this!

05:38Okay, your lady is happy!

05:39She's like, I'm happy!

05:40And she's like, I don't give a fuck!

05:42I came for this asshole!

05:43You're happy?

05:44Okay, I take a nap!

05:45I'm happy!

05:46Okay, I'm happy!

05:47Okay, I'm happy!

05:48I'm happy!

05:49I'm happy!

05:50I'm happy!

05:51You're happy!

05:52Okay, I'm happy!

05:53I'm happy!

05:54You're happy!

05:55You're happy!

05:56I'm happy!

05:57And she's like, I don't give a fuck!

05:59I came for this asshole!

06:01You're happy?

06:02Okay, I take a nap!

06:07Yeah, and you live in Mumbai.

06:08What do you do?

06:09Finance!

06:10Finance?

06:11Oh, shit, that's great!

06:13Is it easy to do finance in India?

06:16No?

06:17Very difficult, yeah?

06:18Everyone's bargaining.

06:21That's why you're tired, you're just tired.

06:23Okay, what kind of finance is it?

06:27Investments?

06:28Like, thanks, you're very good at conversation in India.

06:32One word.

06:34Finance.

06:36Investment.

06:38Figure it out.

06:41No one told me it's gonna be a Q&A.

06:44I thought you do the jokes, I do the listening.

06:47No, I gotta do the talking and you do the listening?

06:51I would not invest in that joke.

06:55Come on!

06:57This guy tired, this couple, the oldest couple in the audience, yeah?

07:01Yes?

07:03Nice to see you.

07:04Not you, your husband.

07:06You look fantastic.

07:07Your husband looks like he went to school with Jesus Christ.

07:11Look at him.

07:13And he has more energy than you, asshole.

07:19He's tired because he's been counting money all day.

07:29This man is old but energetic and happy, eh?

07:32How old are you?

07:34162.

07:35162 years old.

07:37That's wonderful.

07:39And your wife looks beautiful and young.

07:42You did good in life, buddy.

07:44You did good in life.

07:45And what's your name?

07:46Deepa.

07:47Deepa.

07:48Moses.

07:49Nice.

07:50He is older than Jesus.

07:52Nice to see you.

07:54And what do you do in India?

07:57Insurance business?

07:58Well, you should be bankrupt.

08:03These people have insurance driving like that?

08:07Who's covering this?

08:09Everyone's like, change your job, go into finance.

08:12Go into finance.

08:17He came from where?

08:19He came from the UK.

08:20No, he didn't.

08:22He came for business and then he came...

08:24Yo, hold on.

08:25He just came from the UK?

08:27Just from my shop?

08:29Oh, that's amazing.

08:30And what's your name?

08:32Rashida.

08:33Where did you travel from?

08:35Pune?

08:37Pune.

08:38How many people came from Pune?

08:39Oh, yeah?

08:40Pune?

08:41Pune people?

08:42Oh, my God.

08:43Pune.

08:44Well, I'm so happy you came...

08:46You came from Pune?

08:47How far is it?

08:49Four hours.

08:50Four hours?

08:51You drove?

08:52So, it was like four hours drive and then four hours in Mumbai.

08:57Eight hours total.

09:00Poor guy.

09:01Pune.

09:02Pune.

09:04This sounds boring city.

09:05Pune.

09:07Isn't it?

09:08I don't know nothing.

09:10I know nothing.

09:11But it's like...

09:12If I move to India, I will never...

09:14Where do you live?

09:15Pune.

09:17I never want to live in a city that starts with the word Pune.

09:22What a shitty city.

09:26Pune.

09:28But I appreciate you driving the shit out of there.

09:30I love it.

09:31I love it.

09:32I love it.

09:33I'm sure it's nice.

09:34I'm sure it has bathrooms.

09:40You came from China.

09:41Hold on!

09:42Somebody said China.

09:44This is not a competition.

09:46No one's winning an award after this.

09:49The award for the farthest audience member goes to...

09:53Shetown.

09:54Pune.

09:57Okay.

09:58Shining up my ass.

10:01This guy came from London.

10:02This guy came...

10:06Pakistan!

10:08If I were you, I would say nothing.

10:13One thing I learned.

10:15One thing I learned.

10:17If I were you, I would say nothing.

10:18I would say nothing.

10:21After the show, sneak out.

10:25Security, look out for that guy.

10:27You got excited.

10:28Pakistan!

10:29Oh shit.

10:30I don't know what the fuck it is.

10:36Don't get too excited.

10:38Move to UK.

10:42He's a rich Indian guy, huh?

10:43He lives in the UK.

10:44He comes to here.

10:45He buys buildings.

10:46He goes back.

10:47Oh, very good.

10:48I like it.

10:50And what do you do?

10:51You go to school there?

10:53No?

10:55You have a business there?

10:56Okay.

10:57What's your business there?

10:58Medical...

11:00Oh, medical...

11:02Tooth?

11:05He went to the UK.

11:06He still can't speak English.

11:11Medical tooth.

11:12Medical...

11:13Bro, move to Coolnet or put the business there?

11:16Oh, my God.

11:17Oh, my God.

11:18I like it.

11:19I like it.

11:20I like it.

11:21I like it.

11:22I like it.

11:23I like it.

11:24I like it.

11:25I like it.

11:26I like it.

11:27I like it.

11:28I like it.

11:29I like it.

11:30I like it.

11:31I like it.

11:32I like it.

11:33I like it.

11:34I like it.

11:35I like it.

11:36I like it.

11:37I like it.

11:38I like it.

11:39I like it.

11:40I like it.

Mumbai Madness Part 1 Max Amini Standup Comedy

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