- 8 months ago
Category
๐น
FunTranscript
00:00Nigeria.
00:01Nigeria.
00:02Buddy, what's your name?
00:03Michael.
00:04Michael.
00:05How long have you been with her?
00:06Six years.
00:07Six years!
00:08Wow!
00:09You're a beautiful couple, you two.
00:11Both of you, very good looking.
00:13Yeah, so what's the secret to your relationship?
00:17Big African dick.
00:20Yeah, playa, playa.
00:25Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
00:28I'm sure it's your personality.
00:31The personality of your dick.
00:35The dick has his own personality.
00:37Hey, what's up, playa?
00:38I'm here.
00:39I'm here, what's up?
00:42Does he have another name or something?
00:44Did you name him something else?
00:46Does he have a name?
00:47Does he have his own passport?
00:50That's nice, very nice.
00:53So, you guys are not married yet?
00:56Not yet.
00:57Not yet, yeah?
00:58Six more years.
01:03Congo, you're adorable.
01:05You know that?
01:06You're so sweet.
01:07You're one of the nicest people.
01:09I can't say nothing.
01:11I can just say, aww.
01:14What's your name?
01:16Zoe.
01:17Zoe, from the Congo.
01:19Yeah?
01:20So, you came by yourself.
01:22Thank you for being here.
01:23Yeah?
01:24Tonight we'll have fun.
01:25You see the couple from Germany?
01:26They'll come backstage.
01:27You come and say hi to me.
01:28Yeah?
01:29She's so adorable.
01:32Are you single?
01:34You want to find a nice, good-looking guy in the audience?
01:38You want me to match you with someone here?
01:42She goes, no, thank you.
01:44I saw these people in the lobby.
01:47They're not my cup of tea.
01:50What is your type?
01:51I don't really have the type.
01:53You know what?
01:54Maybe that's the problem.
01:56See, you're a beautiful girl.
01:58You're single.
01:59You're living out.
02:00And then you don't have a type?
02:01Why?
02:02Maybe you're gay.
02:03You're sure you're not gay.
02:05That would be even easier.
02:07I know you're from Congo.
02:08Do you only like people from Congo?
02:10You're open to dating people from other places.
02:13You're open.
02:14Huh?
02:15Is there a bird in the audience?
02:24You didn't say anything and all of a sudden you released yourself.
02:32Ma'am, try again.
02:35Do you have pussy?
02:36East Africa.
02:37Yes, East Africa, honey.
02:39You should have said that in the beginning.
02:42I thought you were singing a song.
02:44I said, Congo, you started singing.
02:49I love you.
02:55Do you have a boyfriend too?
02:57No.
02:58Are you a lesbian?
03:01Maybe you guys can try.
03:08Sir, this is not a classroom.
03:10Why are you sitting with your arms crossed?
03:12Why so serious in the front row?
03:14Yeah?
03:15Like now you're holding your balls like they're going to run away?
03:18You're going from this?
03:21Why, Mahabibi?
03:22Have a good time, yeah?
03:24Where are you from?
03:25Morocco.
03:26Moroccans are very confident people.
03:28Moroccans are very talkative, yeah?
03:30Moroccans, they talk so much.
03:32Have you met in Moroccan before?
03:33They don't stop talking.
03:35They speak to you in any language you want.
03:37Oh, English?
03:39No problem.
03:40Oh, Arabic?
03:41Not this guy.
03:42Assalamualaikum.
03:43They say hello too.
03:44In different languages.
03:45And that's your wife next to you, yeah?
03:46That's why you're so serious?
03:47Yeah?
03:48What's your name?
03:49They're with you too.
03:51Oh, but they...
03:52He said no.
03:53No, I no longer with the guy with the balls.
03:55The guy protecting balls, I don't know him.
03:57He's somebody else, I have no idea.
03:59Good, good.
04:00Even if he's not friends with you.
04:01Good, good.
04:02Even if he's not friends with you anymore.
04:04This is getting better, huh?
04:05You see?
04:06You gotta relax, that's a comedy show.
04:08Everybody, we're gonna have fun tonight.
04:10Okay?
04:11Tell them your name.
04:12Adam?
04:13Yeah, Adam?
04:14Ok, Adam.
04:15Yeah.
04:16The first human human body.
04:17That's why you're so serious.
04:18Yeah.
04:19็นๅฅ.
04:20For me, I agree, if you seeๆฐst.
04:22You're so serious.
04:23I'm sure somebody else...
04:24They're with you too.
04:25Whoa.
04:26Where are you people?
04:27Adam, okay, Adam, the first human was ever created.
04:30This asshole.
04:33Adam has shown up finally.
04:39The society has evolved, we wear clothes,
04:41we don't see your balls, let it go.
04:44Adam, let go of the balls.
04:47The world has changed, okay?
04:49This is great, Adam, this is great.
04:50And what do you do in Belgium?
04:52Yeah, I'm just in, I'm from Rotterdam.
04:54You came from Rotterdam to see the show here,
04:56and then next week, I'm coming to Rotterdam.
05:01Then you're gonna come again.
05:03Okay, when I come to Rotterdam, you come for the second time,
05:06you feel more confident, you're not gonna hold the balls.
05:09You're just gonna like, Habibi, bring it.
05:15That's your stepdad?
05:16No way.
05:18And that's your daughter too?
05:19No, no, no.
05:20No?
05:22Oh, okay.
05:23Just you two came together.
05:25Oh, then why did you say that's my f-
05:26I just kind of felt like I would love him to be my stepdad.
05:30Ah, ah.
05:31We have a creeper in the front.
05:35This random brown guy.
05:38He looks like he just left Al-Qaeda.
05:42Looks at the white guy, he goes,
05:43this is my stepfather.
05:44I go, why?
05:45He goes, I felt like he could be my stepfather.
05:47I go, why?
05:48He goes, I felt like he could be my stepfather.
05:50Go get a job.
05:51Your lady is so embarrassed.
05:52And she's, that's not your lady either?
05:53Are you homeless?
05:54How did you get in here?
05:55Your lady is so embarrassed.
05:58And she's, that's not your lady either?
06:04Are you homeless?
06:05How did you get in here?
06:07This guy's like, that's my father.
06:09He came in the building.
06:12I thought you two together, no?
06:14You are together, but not, so what's the status?
06:17I'm stuck in between like adopting her and marrying her.
06:20Oh, he's stuck between adopting her and marrying her.
06:23I think tonight after the show, you go to jail.
06:29This guy, what country are you from?
06:30Armenia.
06:31Armenia, of course.
06:34Armenian confidence, this guy, yeah?
06:36He drives a BMW with a chandelier in the middle,
06:40shiny rims.
06:42You open the door, smells like kebab.
06:44Stop.
06:47This is nice.
06:48Armenia in house, man.
06:50Darling, what's your name?
06:51Enola.
06:52Enola.
06:53And you're from Brussels?
06:54No.
06:55No? Where from?
06:56Holland.
06:57Holland?
06:58You live here?
06:59No.
07:00So, wow.
07:01I don't think anybody's from here.
07:05Oh, shit.
07:06She's beautiful.
07:07Don't fuck it up, yeah?
07:09I've been married three times, so.
07:10You've been married three times?
07:12Shit.
07:14Good luck.
07:17Listen, people from Holland are so loving and open-minded.
07:21They really are.
07:22I'm telling you, some of the most open-hearted people,
07:26these people right here, really.
07:28Thank you for taking this Armenian in, yeah?
07:31It helps.
07:32He's handsome.
07:33He's a good-looking guy, yeah.
07:34What do you do in Amsterdam?
07:36Retired.
07:37Really?
07:38You're retired?
07:39Yeah.
07:40You're young.
07:41I know.
07:4239, you retire?
07:45You were a drug dealer?
07:48The only way.
07:50He was selling drugs.
07:51He's like, okay, it's about time before I get caught.
07:55Well, good luck.
07:56I like this crowd.
08:00I love this crowd.
08:01Look, the ladies look so sweet there.
08:03Hi.
08:04Hi.
08:05The lady with the hijab.
08:06Hi.
08:07How are you?
08:08One person wears the hijab.
08:09No, everyone else is haram here.
08:11Yeah?
08:12Nice.
08:13Good for you.
08:14Good for you.
08:15Hey.
08:16Zahra, where's your husband?
08:18He's right there.
08:19Oh, he looks like a nice guy too.
08:20Look, he looks like a nice...
08:21Sorry.
08:22Wait two minutes, right?
08:23Okay, go.
08:24As soon as I talk about...
08:25He got nervous.
08:26Come back soon, yeah?
08:28Thank you, buddy.
08:29If you want to escape, you can.
08:34You can get away now.
08:35This is your opportunity now.
08:38Please be careful, okay?
08:40Take down my number just in case.
08:45I'm kidding.
08:46I'm kidding.
08:47Oh, yeah, yes.
08:48Zahra.
08:49And the husband, his name?
08:50Karim.
08:51Karim.
08:52This is nice.
08:53You guys both have very strong Arabic names, yeah?
08:55Karim and Zahra.
08:56That's nice.
08:57And you live in?
08:58I live in Dublin.
08:59Dublin?
09:00Karim, what do you do in Dublin?
09:02Software engineer.
09:03Software engineer.
09:04That's really beautiful.
09:05Zahra, what about you?
09:06Pharmacist.
09:07Pharmacist.
09:08You're both so brilliant.
09:09I'm so glad to see you guys.
09:11Thank you for coming all the way from Dublin.
09:13You guys are so nice.
09:14So, Zahra and Karim, pharmacist and software engineer, yeah?
09:21Fuck, there's no jokes.
09:22Okay, thank you.
09:23Thank you for participating, yeah?
09:25I tried my best.
09:29When I was talking to them, my brain froze.
09:31Then I was like, ah, there's no joke.
09:38But what if Karim cannot get his dick hard?
09:41Maybe the pharmacist can get some Viagra.
09:43Because the Viagra work for the...
09:45But he's a software engineer.
09:46That's why he's soft.
09:48This engineer has only soft everything.
09:51But he married a pharmacist.
09:53So she gets Viagra.
09:54So he gets a hard...
09:56Hardware software.
09:57He's now with her hardware...
10:00Engineer.
10:02Ma sha Allah, ma sha Allah.
10:15We came back.
10:16Thank you so much.
10:17We called the rescue team.
10:18They're coming together.
10:21I want to make a deal with you.
10:23You want to make a deal with me?
10:24This is not a dealership.
10:25Okay?
10:26We're not selling cars.
10:27I want to make a deal with you.
10:28I don't want to make a deal with you.
10:29You want to make a deal?
10:30Okay, make a deal.
10:31Okay, so if you buy me two plane tickets.
10:34First class to LA.
10:35If I buy two plane tickets for him.
10:37First class.
10:38Here's how Armenian part is.
10:40Okay, okay.
10:41What else?
10:42Two VIP tickets for your show.
10:44And two VIP tickets for my show.
10:46In LA.
10:47Then you will leave her alone, yeah?
10:50I'll propose to her right here.
10:52Right on stage.
10:53You will propose to her right here on this stage.
10:56Tonight.
10:57Now.
10:58Right now.
11:01You know, to propose you have to be prepared.
11:06I have money.
11:07I have money.
11:08You have money?
11:09You need to have a ring.
11:12The only way I would allow that to happen is you convert to Islam tonight.
11:16And Karim.
11:17Karim would come on stage.
11:19And he would make the marriage happen.
11:22And we have to cut your dick again.
11:27Then I will pay for the VIP tickets and the plane.
11:32The airplane.
11:33Everything I paid for.
11:34The plane is on stage.
11:35That's awful.
11:37Just take her ring off of her finger.
11:40You took a ring from her?
11:41Yeah.
11:44You gave the Armenian.
11:45You gave the Armenian.
11:46This guy tricked you to give him a ring?
11:49Oh, my God.
11:50You really love her, huh?
11:51Yeah I do.
11:52You would really propose to her?
11:53For real?
11:54Are you fucking with me?
11:55just i was already going to propose but i thought come on stage come on stage
12:09oh look at these two so sweet i really congratulate you for your fourth divorce coming
12:15thank you i'm gorg enola i give you the microphone okay thank you um you know i'm not like
12:29i'm not sure yet
12:33so honey um you know we've been dating for almost two years and um you have a son of four years
12:40it's her son my stepson i love him like my own yeah so um it's about time i didn't plan this
12:48but since i know max is like a brother of me like somewhere down the line because
12:54iranians have invaded armenia so many times so it's almost inevitable you know but honey i love you
13:00i want to hopefully not divorce you i want to spend the right the rest of my life with you will you
13:09marry me
13:28okay thank you max thank you so we'll see you after
13:31congratulations to these two yeah really congratulations he is the most sweetest unromantic
13:43asshole in the world but he did it congratulations man much love to you please that is so nice wow i
13:53can't believe this guy turned to be the sweetest guy huh you left in the middle
14:03has no idea what just happened
14:06never leave in the middle of my show
14:10that is so beautiful i hope you have more kids yeah
14:12uh i hope you get a job now this should motivate you for a job listen this is so special tell the
14:21second show fuck it because like how can i leave these people how how do i leave you
14:31it's so good tonight
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