- 5 months ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You can't focus because she's so hot.
00:04Is that why you're sitting there the whole time like this?
00:06Do you have a boner?
00:10I bought the seat and my friend.
00:13Oh, you bought the seat and your friend didn't come.
00:15Oh, what happened to him?
00:17Oh, she didn't come?
00:18You're by yourself?
00:20Who's this lady?
00:22Oh, you came by yourself and you came...
00:24Wow, you both so good looking.
00:28Are you both single?
00:30You should meet each other.
00:33That's why every time I looked at you, you looked at me in haze.
00:36You're like...
00:38You can't focus because she's so hot.
00:44Is that why you're sitting there the whole time like this?
00:47Do you have a boner?
00:50I've never had this situation before.
00:54The guys...
00:55Well, nice to meet each other, yeah?
01:06One person from the very end of the balcony, one person can come and take the seat.
01:10Yes, come on.
01:12White shirt, come on.
01:16Okay, buddy.
01:17With the girl that was coming, was she supposed to be a date?
01:20I always buy two tickets in case.
01:22You always buy two tickets in case?
01:34That's a lot of pressure.
01:37That's a lot of pressure.
01:38You scared the shit out of the girls.
01:42You go through in the forum.
01:45Okay, okay, this one.
01:46I don't like you, but fush it.
01:48I have two tickets.
01:50Come to the show.
01:51Come to the show.
01:52What do you mean you're busy?
01:53Please come.
01:54I have two tickets.
01:55Shit.
01:57And then you end up coming by yourself.
02:00But you know what?
02:02You must be a good guy.
02:04Because the karma is so good.
02:06You come by yourself.
02:07And the hottest girl in Vancouver sits right next to you.
02:15That's very interesting.
02:16You always buy two tickets.
02:17You see what happens?
02:18You couldn't give it a...
02:23Look.
02:24Hold on.
02:24Let's see who's going to come.
02:25This is very interesting, guys.
02:27And I just randomly picked one from the last...
02:29Look how gorgeous this one is.
02:38Now he's got two girls.
02:41One on the right.
02:42One on the left.
02:44His dick is coming out of his...
02:48pants.
02:48Like a mountain.
02:53His dick is coming out of my pants like a mountain.
02:57Control yourself.
03:00You owe me for the rest of your life.
03:03Next year you buy ten tickets.
03:07What's that?
03:10We have the same pants?
03:13You're checking out my pants?
03:15No wonder the dates you call, they don't show up.
03:21The last thing you should pay attention is to my pants.
03:24This guy is fascinating.
03:30What do you say?
03:33Same brand?
03:34Who gives a shit?
03:35Why don't we exchange brands of our underwear?
03:40Maybe we're wearing the same underwear, huh?
03:44And then what happens?
03:46We should not be having this conversation when you have such great options right now.
03:53If I were you, if I were you, I would give a compliment to her pants.
03:57No matter where you are, who you are, tonight we're going to have a good time.
04:06That's why we're here.
04:07That's why we're here.
04:08Look at this guy on his phone, texting in front, go take your phone, shove it up your ass.
04:12I want to take a couple here, I want to take a guy and a girl that are single, and I want to match them, and I want them to go on a date, single men in the house, clap, single men, single single men, I like this guy.
04:33Look at this guy.
04:34Dude, you wear a bow tie and a tuxedo?
04:37Stand up, let everybody see how wonderful you are.
04:39Give it up for this guy.
04:40Look at him.
04:44What a chic, handsome gentleman you are.
04:47What's your name?
04:48Farid.
04:49Farid.
04:50Nice to meet you, buddy.
04:51What do you do?
04:52I'm really at the university.
04:55You took a job at the university in the admissions department?
04:59Do you still live with your parents?
05:02I'm worried about your financial situation right now.
05:06Still live with your parents?
05:08They're not here.
05:09Oh, they're not here.
05:10Oh, you're new in Vancouver.
05:12Well, you seem like a really good guy.
05:14Okay.
05:15Well, sit down, I'll come back to you.
05:22He's adorable.
05:24Single ladies in the house, clap, let me see how many single girls.
05:29Too old.
05:30Too old, too old.
05:31Too old.
05:32Too old.
05:36How old are you, sweetheart?
05:37The one that went like this.
05:4032?
05:41I think you guys...
05:42How old are you, Farid?
05:43You seem very young.
05:46You're...
05:4739?
05:4839?
05:49You're 39?
05:50How are you 39?
05:51How are you 39?
05:53Dude, you had no stress in your life at all.
05:58You sleep in the refrigerator?
06:03This guy is 39?
06:04Wow!
06:05You already started using Botox?
06:06Holy shit, dude.
06:07Okay, never mind.
06:08All of you are eligible.
06:09What's your name, 32?
06:1032?
06:1132?
06:1232?
06:1332?
06:1432?
06:1532?
06:1632?
06:17Negar, what do you do?
06:18College instructor.
06:19You're a college instructor?
06:20You're a college instructor?
06:21This is amazing!
06:22The college administrative department with the college instructor?
06:23Match made in heaven so far!
06:25This is amazing, dude!
06:26Wow!
06:27Negar!
06:28This is great!
06:29And then what subject do you teach?
06:30Early Child Education in the World.
06:31Early Child Education in Silicon.
06:32Early Child Education in Silicon.
06:33Early Child Education in Silicon.
06:34Oh, my God!
06:35She'll be a great mother!
06:36She's a professional at raising babies, she's teaching other people!
06:39This is amazing dude! Wow! Megar! This is great!
06:46And then what subject do you teach?
06:48Early Child Education?
06:50Early Child Education?
06:52Oh my god! She'll be a great mother!
06:56She's a professional at raising babies!
06:59She's teaching other people!
07:05Atol, what do you do?
07:07Security? For sure?
07:11What kind of security?
07:14Hospital security?
07:17You're kidding me!
07:18You know why I say that?
07:20Because you're so nice!
07:22And you're Indian! Indians are just very soft people!
07:27I can't see you stop any sort of violence!
07:30Like if somebody comes to steal a patient out of the hospital!
07:35They're like stealing and you're like, stop!
07:40They're like, what?
07:44You're like, you're not allowed to do that!
07:46Immediately put the patient back in the room!
07:50They're like, hey man, whatever man, we're gonna beat the shit out of you!
07:54You're like, you're also not allowed to beat me!
07:56You're not allowed to beat me!
07:58If you beat me, I caught the bodies!
08:02They're like, we're gonna steal the patients, bro!
08:04They're like, oh, very, very bad thing to do!
08:09I don't like you!
08:11Atoll has to change his security name to Asshorn!
08:28Then, buddy, they're gonna listen to you!
08:30They're like, stop!
08:31This is Asshorn speaking!
08:33I will destroy you!
08:35And they're like, what are you gonna do, asshole?
08:38They're like, oh, I'm gonna fuck you the Kama Sutra way!
08:45I love you!
08:46Man, you're still on your phone, man!
08:50Seriously, buddy, what's going on?
08:52No, but what is it?
08:54Your girlfriend, what's the problem, dude?
08:58For real, be honest!
08:59I want to know where am I right now?
09:01She wants to know where you are, give me your phone!
09:03Give me your phone!
09:05Aren't you saying this, your girlfriend?
09:07Give me your phone!
09:12I'm asking you, what is it that you're texting?
09:14My work, buddy!
09:15It's your work?
09:16So you did lie!
09:17Buddy, this is moments we have together.
09:25We're sharing precious moments.
09:27Be in the moment, enjoy it tonight, yeah?
09:30We're having a blast, yeah?
09:33Now you're gonna give me your phone?
09:35Oh, okay.
09:37Yeah, you should've given me your phone.
09:38I will call your coworker.
09:40What is the job?
09:41What's the problem with work?
09:42Be honest, be honest.
09:44You be honest with me.
09:46I'll become your friend.
09:50Is this your girlfriend?
09:51No, I don't know.
09:52You're single.
09:53You don't even have a girlfriend and you lie.
10:00What's your name?
10:01Majid.
10:02Majid, you're never ever gonna find a woman.
10:06If I were you, you should take my advice and go gay.
10:11Why were you not?
10:16Wow, we did it!
10:19Junam, sit your ass down!
10:26I've waited four years to see you now.
10:28you're kidding me wow thank you so much
10:32say that again
10:39yes yes yes what's your name shane you have a lot of enthusiasm i i really i really appreciate that
10:50you know you're scaring the shit out of all these persons you know
10:54shane this is amazing that this is very not white of you you know what i'm saying
11:00let me ask you something is your lady persian that's why you're acting like this
11:06girlfriend or wife
11:10yes okay shane answer the question shane shane answer the question is she is she your wife
11:20or is she your girlfriend wife you married you married her okay
11:25you need you needed residency this bad
11:41oh you're very white oh okay
11:48and logan what's your race
11:52in the caribbeans okay so that's why you're wearing the shorts you don't give a shit
11:58yeah and then how did you guys find out about the show
12:01just looking at things to do friday night okay that's freaking awesome
12:06that's freaking awesome second date
12:09looking at things what to do she's she's white canadian
12:13yeah and then you go i'm gonna take you out to a show
12:17and then you show up here and she goes oh logan
12:20is there a particular reason uh you brought me to a jihad comedy
12:29and then your ass goes no in the caribbeans and shit
12:39you know uh we check out every culture in the world you know what i mean
12:44i'm very worldly like that
12:46and then cardio is like oh my god i love that about you
12:51you're so unique logan
12:54mark that's a good one you took
13:01what's your name
13:03mariam mohadas
13:05you know what that means right
13:10she's an angel
13:11mariam mohadas
13:13she's married
13:16she gave birth to jesus christ
13:18mariam mohadas
13:21so nice to meet you mary
13:24where did you meet mark
13:27she was dating my roommate
13:31she what
13:32mark said she was dating my roommate
13:36so you would go over to their apartment and you go
14:02hi mark
14:03oh my god
14:13that i mean they have so many questions
14:16every time mary came over mark is like
14:21what happened to the roommate you killed him
14:33it's like one of those movies they're like okay let's go on a road trip
14:39they go ditch the guy in the river and come back
14:43he dumped her
14:45he dumped her
14:47no
14:47mark i freaking love you
14:51he dumped her
14:54and she goes i don't give a shit i'm gonna fuck your roommate
14:58she she just wanted the revenge
15:07mark mark had no idea
15:10they get in a fight
15:13he dumps mary in the other room
15:15mark is sleeping
15:16mary walks in
15:18mark bay cop
15:19bay cop i'm here for you
15:23what a romantic story
15:32i love this
15:3522 years later
15:37frog roe of a comedy show
15:40they get divorced
15:43hi buddy
15:49you look like a really nice guy
15:52you really do
15:53what's your name
15:54jeff pleasure
15:56thanks for coming
15:57oh you brought your lady
15:58yeah how long you've been together
16:0112 years
16:04that's amazing
16:05good for you
16:06can i ask you
16:10what do you love about her the most
16:13one thing
16:14what do you love about her the most
16:15color in your life
16:18that's the most racist white shit you can say
16:21color in my life
16:25well everybody else is white
16:27she's the only one with a color in my life
16:31grow color in my life
16:34i would never use that line ever again
16:38you could say joy in my life
16:42and her whole family full of color
16:45sometimes i can't even see the color
16:48because it's covered by a pack of hair
16:50all over the place
16:51what do you do jeff
16:54you're a lawyer
16:56yeah
16:57as a lawyer you choose your words very carefully
17:00you're from germany
17:05berlin
17:07and what brought you to vancouver honey
17:09your husband
17:11so your husband is
17:14that's really fascinating
17:18so you met in berlin
17:19in ukraine
17:21oh
17:22that's complicated
17:24you went to ukraine
17:27because ukrainians are hot
17:29and then you found the german
17:30dude you got ripped off
17:33what's your name
17:36mohsen ridi
17:39dude
17:41you studied in ukraine
17:44you studied music
17:45classical music
17:49an iranian
17:53finally got to go to university
17:56of the entire world
17:58chooses ukraine
17:59and then when he gets admitted
18:01he goes
18:02i want to study classical music
18:04nobody plays satar in ukraine
18:07what do you do in vancouver now
18:10you're in the movie business
18:13you're the most
18:15you went to study classical music
18:23now you went into a movie business
18:26his head playing with his ass
18:27it's a very deep iranian
18:30slang
18:32when your head playing with your ass
18:35that means you're not paying attention
18:38you're going
18:38imagine
18:41the iranian philosopher
18:44that came up
18:45the guy was writing
18:46and then he was like
18:47okay how do i feel
18:48when i'm distracted
18:50i'm always playing with my ass
18:51now how can i make it more
18:54what if my head was
18:55playing with my ass
18:56dude you went to
18:59classical music
19:00college in ukraine
19:02came here
19:04you're in the movie business
19:05what kind of movie
19:08have you made
19:09for game of thrones
19:13are you out of your mind
19:16whoa
19:17whoa
19:20whoa
19:21whoa
19:21whoa
19:22whoa
19:23we love you bro
19:24yo
19:26wow
19:30go for them
19:32body
19:37please put me
19:38please put me
19:38in your movie
19:39dude
19:44that's phenomenal
19:45mosen
19:48you were the best guy
19:55i picked on tonight
19:56by far
19:57wow
19:59yeah
20:02because if you know
20:05game of thrones
20:06it was
20:07it was one of the most
20:08fascinating
20:08programs
20:10visually
20:10visually
20:11that program
20:12was incredible
20:13and it was the reason
20:15you see a lot of
20:16persians
20:16were involved
20:18in game of thrones
20:19is because
20:20game of thrones
20:21it was a tv series
20:23on hbo
20:24that the entire
20:25series was about
20:26cousins
20:27given it to each other
20:32so hbo said
20:35what race can we find
20:37to really relate
20:39to cousins and family
20:41after each other
20:42and they found
20:45Mohsen in germany
20:46Mohsen was professional
20:50there is one guy
20:53his head only playing
20:54with his ass
20:54and everybody else's ass
20:56make him the head
20:58of special effects
20:58listen
21:00all that matters
21:01in life
21:01first
21:02is to make
21:03honorable living
21:04if you have a job
21:05and you make
21:06an honorable living
21:07it doesn't matter
21:07what you do
21:08you are absolutely
21:10respected
21:11for your good doings
21:12period
21:14now
21:18as an Iranian
21:20as an immigrant
21:22any immigrant
21:23not just Iranian
21:24Syrian
21:24anybody from any
21:25country
21:26if you move
21:27to another country
21:27it's so difficult
21:28and then on top
21:30of that
21:30you can become
21:31somebody
21:31who's doing
21:32something special
21:33like this
21:34in much bigger
21:36scale
21:36man
21:37you make us
21:38look extra good
21:40thank you
21:41I'm sure
21:46there are so many
21:47artists here tonight
21:48I'm really sure
21:49that I didn't get
21:50a chance to pick
21:51on you
21:51it's because you're
21:52hiding
21:52and if you're
21:53sensitive and scared
21:54to be picked on
21:55you're missing out
21:56of such an
21:57incredible special
21:57time
21:58what are you
21:58working on now
21:59still bird
22:02that's so cool man
22:10this guy is amazing
22:12the other stage
22:19they want to see
22:26lady what's your name
22:37party sir you're in the
22:40movie business too
22:41so first of all
22:54this was so special
22:56the reason you're here
22:57tonight is because
22:58Patty sir wants to see you
22:59Patty sir
23:02from the bottom of my
23:03heart I'm sorry
23:03he's married
23:04and she's German
23:07she's not messing around
23:08since Mohsen is here
23:11if anybody has a good
23:13question let's ask him
23:14wants to ask if you're
23:16in the movie business
23:16yes
23:17are you hiring
23:19are you hiring
23:19what's your name
23:26they're hiring
23:27but it's a naked scene
23:28and making out
23:29are you okay
23:32with the make-up scene
23:33Monajan
23:35I cannot hear your voice
23:36are you okay
23:38with a little bit
23:38you know
23:41am I wrong
23:42Steven Spielberg
23:43loves
23:43Minajan
23:46listen
23:48if they don't hire you
23:51I hire you
23:52Minajan
23:58oh he says
24:00tonight we're making
24:01movies at my hotel
24:02tonight
24:04sure
24:05I just wanted to say
24:06a quick quick story
24:08please say whatever
24:08you want to say
24:09fantastic
24:09so look
24:10I'm from Iran
24:11I'm really proud
24:12to be an Iranian
24:13I grew up in Iran
24:23in Ahvaz
24:24when I was
24:28when I was
24:2910 years old
24:30I saw Independence Day
24:31the first film
24:32with Roland Emmerich
24:33and I told my mom
24:35I'm going to go
24:36and work with him
24:37and this was a dream
24:39so I ended up
24:39filming Independence Day 2
24:41with the man himself
24:42about 20 years after
24:54my mom said
24:55he always wanted
24:55to see me on the stage
24:57so I got the opportunity
24:58to work on Game of Thrones
24:59I designed the dragon
25:01from day one
25:02and I worked with them
25:03all the way to school
25:04and we worked 90 hours
25:1490 hours a week
25:16and that's how we won
25:17the Emmy
25:17in 2019
25:18but I'm telling you
25:20the only reason
25:20the only reason
25:22I got there
25:22because I married
25:23this year
25:25she's from Germany
25:34she's from Germany
25:36but she reads
25:36300 pages
25:38Persian
25:38Fahime Rahimi
25:39novels
25:40she can cook
25:42every
25:43she can cook
25:45every Persian food
25:46you can imagine
25:47she can dance
25:48Persian
25:49and she sings
25:50Gugush
25:50like you have never
25:51heard of
25:51so
25:54thanks a lot
25:55thank you
25:57give them a loud
26:07of applause
26:08wow
26:11wow
26:14what a sweet
26:18what a beautiful
26:20experience to have
26:21tonight
26:21you know
26:22this is so special
26:24and I'll tell you why
26:25none of my shows
26:27I know
26:2780% of my show
26:29is improvised
26:30and because of that
26:31some of the most
26:32magnificent shit
26:33happens in the theater
26:34that you could
26:35never expect
26:36amazing
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