- 7 weeks ago
Standup Comedy english
Standup Comedy amini
amni
show of amini
Standup Comedy amini
amni
show of amini
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00You're adorable, hi, with the hair.
00:03Is it orange or pink, my love?
00:05Pink?
00:09What's your name?
00:10Which name?
00:13Your stripper name.
00:20They call you Mai?
00:21Who calls you Mai?
00:24Do you like them calling you Mai?
00:27Mai like you're Mai?
00:30Okay, that's very cute.
00:31And Mai, where are you from?
00:33Hong Kong.
00:33Hong Kong.
00:38That's amazing.
00:39Mai, you came by yourself too?
00:42I wasn't supposed to.
00:44You weren't supposed to come by yourself?
00:46And what happened, my love?
00:50He broke up with you last minute?
00:54It's your brother?
00:56He got some traffic accidents.
00:58He got some traffic accident?
01:01I like how everybody else finished the joke.
01:04Bicycle accident.
01:08No, it's not a bicycle accident.
01:10She's from Hong Kong.
01:12He's Asian.
01:13He was driving the car, so he didn't know what he was doing.
01:15He got into an accident.
01:16So your brother got into an accident and he couldn't make it?
01:20He could make it, but he got so pissed so he'd go home.
01:24Oh, he got angry?
01:25He went home?
01:27When you're angry, you should come to a comedy show and feel better.
01:30Max, call him.
01:32What's that?
01:33Call him.
01:34Call him?
01:34Should we call your brother?
01:36Yeah.
01:36Yeah, let's call him.
01:45Call him?
01:45Yeah, call him right now.
01:46I mean, she goes, now?
01:47Yeah, call him right now.
01:49No, give me the phone.
01:50Give me the phone.
01:57Danny?
01:58Danny, Danny, how are you?
01:59It's Maximini.
02:01Yeah?
02:01Danny, buddy, I'm on stage, man.
02:08We thought you were coming to the show.
02:10Yeah, my conscience crashed.
02:15Somebody crashed in my car, not me, okay?
02:19It's like a little bit private.
02:21Danny, buddy, you're Asian.
02:23You should not be driving.
02:24Take an Uber.
02:25I mean, I mean, I need to make my way to your show, but you can't make it.
02:33Okay, how far away are you?
02:35Yeah?
02:36Yeah, how far are you from the Orpheum Theater?
02:39The 70-minute drive.
02:41Okay, I'm going to send you an Uber, okay?
02:44Are you sure?
02:45Yeah, I'm sure.
02:45I'm going to send you an Uber right now.
02:48I want you to come to the show.
02:49We're going to wait for you, okay?
02:54I'm telling you.
02:55I'm sending you an Uber right now, buddy.
03:00I'm showing you an Uber.
03:01I come to your next show.
03:03I come to your next show.
03:04You're not a home f***er.
03:05You didn't crash.
03:05You're in a strip club right now.
03:07Danny, you're a bitch-ass liar.
03:10I was about to send you a car.
03:12You're getting some Taiwanese massage, aren't you?
03:15You're getting some goddamn happy ending as we speak.
03:19Oh, no, no, no.
03:20I got it.
03:21It sounds like you're about to orgasm right now.
03:25Play up.
03:28Bro, I am because I didn't expect you calling me.
03:31He said, I am because you're calling me.
03:33I love you, Danny.
03:34Yeah, I didn't expect you.
03:34Danny, I love you.
03:35Thank you for picking up the phone.
03:37I feel bad you crashed.
03:38Buddy, I feel bad you crashed.
03:40I hope you do well, okay?
03:42Yeah, I will see you in the show, then.
03:44Buddy, do you have insurance?
03:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
03:48If you don't have insurance, I have some Persian friends that can fix this s*** for free.
03:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:51I'm just going to be talking to you all the phone right now.
03:55What a cool brother you have, Ma.
03:57We're sending you a lot of love for Morpheum.
03:59Danny, be safe out there.
04:00Good night.
04:01Good night.
04:05What a nice brother you have.
04:08It sounded like he was doing something naughty.
04:10Araya, and you're Indian?
04:16I'm Findian.
04:17You're Findian?
04:18You mean you're an Indian who were conceived by fingering?
04:22What's Findian?
04:24I'm sorry, I don't know.
04:29Indians can do magic.
04:32I didn't know Indians can get you pregnant by fingering.
04:34What a nice, beautiful lady.
04:38I'm a Findian, I'm a Canadian.
04:39Ah, you're an Indian from Fiji, so you became Findian.
04:45Is there any Indian here from China, Chindian?
04:52Go ahead.
04:53I'll only explain if you take me on a date.
04:55You will only explain if I take you on a date.
04:59Can I be honest with you?
05:01My fingers are not so quick.
05:04I'm not such a handyman.
05:09I'm from Pakistan, yeah?
05:10You came by yourself tonight?
05:12Oh, that's your lady?
05:13Oh my God, that's a nice combination.
05:15Asian, Pakistani.
05:17This is great.
05:18You've been married?
05:19Yeah.
05:20How long?
05:2120, 30 years.
05:2220, 30 years.
05:23Make up your 20 or 30.
05:24I thought Asians are good at math.
05:30Okay, wonderful.
05:3120, 30 years.
05:32Kids?
05:33You have kids?
05:34Three?
05:35They must be amazing at math.
05:39Pakistani?
05:40And what kind of Asian are you?
05:42Taiwan.
05:42Taiwan.
05:44Ah, you're from Taiwan, so you're American.
05:46Nice to meet you.
05:50That's wonderful, man.
05:52So good to meet you guys.
05:53I'll come back and fuck with you a little bit.
05:55Can you take it?
05:56Is that okay?
05:57You can take a joke, yeah?
05:59Now, I always have to check with Pakistanis.
06:01Pakistanis different than Indians, you understand?
06:03Indians, the best sense of humor.
06:05Pakistani to fuck you up, you understand?
06:08Pakistanis are fighting with the ocean.
06:10Fuck your mother fucker, why you're following me?
06:11Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
06:19Rasaki, where are you from?
06:20What country?
06:21Nigeria.
06:23Nigeria, man.
06:23That's amazing.
06:27All the racist people are clapping.
06:30You guys make no sense.
06:31I thought the Nigerians are coming.
06:33I'm like, so many Nigerians.
06:34All the white people are like, oh, Nigeria.
06:36Yes, we support the Nigerians.
06:38Rosaki, what's up, playa?
06:42Good to see you, man.
06:43Who are you here with?
06:44Your wife.
06:45Your wife?
06:46Oh, my God.
06:46She's gorgeous.
06:48Wife?
06:48What's your name?
06:49Nusha.
06:50Nusha?
06:51You're Persian?
06:52Oh, my God.
06:53Persian girls love black dicks.
06:56Let me tell you something.
06:59Nusha.
07:01Nigeria.
07:03Congratulations, baby.
07:04Rosaki, how do you like the Persian culture?
07:09Thank you for the input.
07:14It's like, what culture?
07:16I haven't met her parents since we got married.
07:18These motherfuckers are racist.
07:24I'm Germany.
07:25Germany?
07:26Are you a real deal German?
07:27What's your name?
07:28Nicole.
07:29Nicole.
07:30Nicole, nice to see you.
07:32Now you live in Vancouver.
07:33And what made you move here?
07:36I did.
07:37You did.
07:40She's not even allowed to finish the sentence.
07:43I did.
07:43I made it.
07:45She has no choice.
07:46She has to stay here.
07:48Three years.
07:49She cannot go back.
07:51Wonderful.
07:52That's so great.
07:54And what do you do here in Vancouver now?
07:56We are waiting for my PR.
07:58You're waiting?
08:01Oh, shit.
08:02That's why you're staying with this asshole.
08:04Yeah?
08:09What?
08:10What the?
08:11Fuck you, too.
08:14What is this?
08:16It's not good for your throat.
08:19Go one more time.
08:22What a throat.
08:24How many cocks can you take at once?
08:29He said five.
08:32What a fun guy you are, huh?
08:36Say your country.
08:37Five guys.
08:38How many cocks can you take at once?
08:40Ryan.
08:41Ryan?
08:47Look at this Ryan guy.
08:49With his suspenders.
08:50What?
08:51What?
08:51Iraqi wears suspenders.
08:52What are you doing?
08:55What the fuck?
08:58Wallah.
08:59Wallah.
08:59I look so good today.
09:01I like my style.
09:04Ryan, what's your Arabic name?
09:06Ryan.
09:10You were born in your paradise.
09:11What should we name the baby?
09:13Ryan.
09:13Very good name, Ryan.
09:15Ryan from Baghdad.
09:18Ryan, who are you here with?
09:20Who did you come with?
09:21My wife.
09:22Your wife?
09:23Where is she?
09:24Hi.
09:26Wife, what's your name?
09:28My name is Oscar.
09:29Oscar?
09:30Oscar?
09:32So he really takes dick every day.
09:34Oscar, I love you.
09:41Ryan, Ben Nover.
09:47Who's that?
09:48I'm the only Chinese here.
09:49You're not the only Chinese.
09:50See, there are more Chinese.
09:52See, you guys don't say nothing.
09:53This guy goes, I'm the only Chinese.
09:55You're never the only Chinese, ever.
09:57I promise you.
10:01Chinese are everywhere.
10:03But they say nothing.
10:05Like, oh, say nothing.
10:06I say nothing.
10:07I say nothing.
10:09You stupid.
10:10Say nothing.
10:10I say nothing.
10:12The first time humans landed on Mars for the first time.
10:17You remember that?
10:19The astronaut got out.
10:20There was a Chinese guy.
10:20Motherfucker, I've been here.
10:21Fuck the fuck you.
10:23Where the fuck have you been?
10:25What's your name, buddy?
10:26Oh, that's pretty cool.
10:31You kept it?
10:33I'm going to learn it.
10:34I like you.
10:35I think you're a fun guy.
10:36I'm going to learn your name.
10:37Go again.
10:39Wow, y'all.
10:42I said it right?
10:44Yeah?
10:45Wow, y'all.
10:47Wow, y'all.
10:48I said it correctly, yeah?
10:49Is that your lady next to you?
10:51No.
10:52No, you came by yourself?
10:55I came by myself.
10:56Oh, that's wonderful.
10:57Listen, I love it when you go to a show by yourself.
10:59Never, ever look for anybody to go to a comedy show, yeah?
11:02These guys come to laugh.
11:04That's all that matters.
11:05Come, have a good time.
11:06Laugh.
11:07Enjoy yourself.
11:08Yeah?
11:09You don't need anybody to go laugh.
11:14You go by yourself and enjoy yourself, yeah?
11:17That's awesome.
11:17Wow.
11:18Y'all.
11:21Wow, y'all.
11:21You grew up here in Vancouver?
11:24I came here when you were 19.
11:27You came here when you were 19?
11:28Wow, and you kept wowing out?
11:30That's really cool.
11:32Maybe that's why you're by yourself.
11:33I'm just being honest with you.
11:38There are people in this room from Iraq with the name Ryan.
11:47Yeah?
11:48He likes it from Oscar.
11:53Remember that.
11:53And how old are you?
11:56I'm 44.
11:5744?
11:58Single?
11:59I'm married.
12:00Married?
12:01Ah.
12:01Do you have kids?
12:02I have two kids.
12:03Two kids.
12:04Is that why your wife is not here?
12:07Yes?
12:08Wow, you're more Middle Eastern than the Lebanese guy.
12:11Wow, I was like, honey, sit at home.
12:13I go, laugh, ha ha, I come back.
12:16You sit at home.
12:18You sit at home.
12:20I go, ha ha ha, I come back.
12:21I'll tell you what happened.
12:24I'll tell you everything.
12:25I'll tell you everything.
12:26I'll tell you everything.
12:26I'll tell you everything.
12:27I go, ha ha, I come back.
12:30Wow, yeah.
12:31Wow.
12:34I'm first.
12:35My birthday.
12:35This is my birthday gift.
12:36No way.
12:38Wow.
12:41Wow.
12:42Wow, yeah.
12:43Happy birthday, bro.
12:46Shit.
12:47Your wife gave you this gift?
12:49She's like, go get the fuck out of the house.
12:52Go.
12:53Happy birthday.
12:54Get the fuck out of the house.
12:56Go fuck out of the house.
12:57Go smile.
12:58Come back.
12:59Fucking better mood.
13:00You shit mood.
13:01Wow, yeah.
13:02Go.
13:04Wow, yeah.
13:05What a cool wife you have that buys you comedy show tickets, man.
13:09This is amazing.
13:10And you're my fan or she was just like, get the fuck out?
13:14You actually like my comedy?
13:15Is that why you're here?
13:17I'm your fan.
13:18Wow, that's amazing, my brother.
13:19I love you.
13:20He's such a cool guy.
13:21Happy birthday, my brother.
13:23Happy birthday.
13:24Happy birthday.
13:27What a good crowd tonight.
13:28Happy birthday, my brother.
13:29Happy birthday, my brother.
13:30Happy birthday, my brother.
13:30Happy birthday, my brother.
13:31Happy birthday, my brother.
13:31Happy birthday, my brother.
13:32Happy birthday, my brother.
13:32Happy birthday, my brother.
13:33Happy birthday, my brother.
13:34Happy birthday, my brother.
13:34Happy birthday, my brother.
13:35Happy birthday, my brother.
13:35Happy birthday, my brother.
13:36Happy birthday, my brother.
13:36Happy birthday, my brother.
13:36Happy birthday, my brother.
13:37Happy birthday, my brother.
13:37Happy birthday, my brother.
13:38Happy birthday, my brother.
13:39Happy birthday, my brother.
13:40Happy birthday, my brother.
13:41Happy birthday, my brother.
13:42Happy birthday, my brother.
13:43Happy birthday, my brother.
13:44Happy birthday, my brother.
13:45Happy birthday, my brother.
13:46Happy birthday, my brother.
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