Ostrich Lady   Max Amini   Stand Up Comedy - video Dailymotion

Fun Time

Ostrich Lady   Max Amini   Stand Up Comedy

Transcript

00:00Darling, what's your name?

00:02Ostrich.

00:03Oh, that's my favorite bird.

00:06You're like Lai.

00:07When you were born,

00:09your parents are like,

00:10she looks like an ostrich.

00:12Let's name her ostrich.

00:14Do you like lay an egg?

00:16I mean,

00:17no, your husband didn't like that.

00:20She's not an ostrich.

00:22How do you say it?

00:23I mean, I literally heard ostrich.

00:25No, it's ostrich.

00:26It's not ostrich.

00:27Try me again.

00:30I will promise I get this.

00:31Go ahead.

00:32Promise I get it.

00:33Really?

00:33No, no, no.

00:34Just say it one more time loud

00:35and I promise you I get it.

00:38No, no.

00:40What is this shit attitude

00:46you brought to the show already?

00:48Have some faith in me.

00:49Don't act like an ostrich, okay?

00:51Just seeing when ostriches get mad.

00:57This woman is like,

00:59no, you won't get it right.

01:01You look stupid to me.

01:05Come on,

01:05let's do this one more time.

01:07Go.

01:08One, two, three, go.

01:10Ostrich.

01:11Ostrich.

01:12Give it a round.

01:12What do you do in Berlin?

01:22I own a cat mansion.

01:24You're at a cat hotel?

01:26Cat hotel?

01:27Yeah.

01:31What?

01:33Hold on a minute.

01:35In Berlin, your cats have hotels?

01:40Where are they vacationing from?

01:42Stuttgart.

01:48They're at the hotel

01:49fucking dancing

01:51to DJ Kitty Cat.

01:55They have a cat hotel?

01:57Is this for actual cats?

01:59Or are you referring to pussy?

02:04This guy's like,

02:05I'm the biggest pimp

02:06in Berlin, bitch.

02:08I got it.

02:09Pussy hotel.

02:10It's for you.

02:12And that's your lady?

02:13It's complicated.

02:16Is she part of the hotel?

02:21She goes,

02:22no, I'm not part

02:23of the goddamn hotel.

02:26Nice to meet you.

02:27But he's such a cool guy.

02:29And you're very beautiful.

02:30So why is it not happening?

02:32Why is it complicated?

02:34Complicated, you said?

02:35So it is happening.

02:36Complicated is happening.

02:37Happens sometimes.

02:41So I guess my question is,

02:43who's married?

02:46You're married.

02:53I'm a professional at this shit.

02:56Okay?

02:58Don't ever underestimate me.

03:00I read you from miles away.

03:04You're so cool, man.

03:06She was like,

03:07how do I say no?

03:09And he looks like

03:10either the nicest guy

03:12in the world

03:12or a serial killer.

03:17Seriously,

03:18he looks like,

03:18hi.

03:19I have a cat hotel.

03:22Come pet the pussy.

03:24Come pet some kitties.

03:25Ah!

03:30Germany!

03:31Germany!

03:34Nice to meet you.

03:35What do you do in Austin, bro?

03:36I live here.

03:37Yeah?

03:38When did you move?

03:39Ah,

03:401990.

03:42See how German he is?

03:44He was going to give me

03:45the month,

03:46date,

03:46and time.

03:481990.

03:51And would you fall in love?

03:52What brought you to America?

03:53Did you meet somebody special?

03:55Did you get married here?

03:56I got married here.

03:57I got divorced here.

03:58We got married.

04:02We got divorced here.

04:04That's nice.

04:05And what's happening?

04:06What's the status now?

04:08Currently engaged?

04:11Good.

04:11That's really nice.

04:13Your fiance is here.

04:14Is she American?

04:15Ukrainian.

04:16Ukrainian?

04:17Oh.

04:20Finally,

04:20somebody has,

04:21this is so nice, man.

04:23Take the German guy in.

04:24Yeah?

04:24Germans are some of the smartest people on earth.

04:29You know that, right?

04:30Half Mexican.

04:31Half Mexican?

04:33Oh,

04:33the German guy is half Mexican?

04:38What a combination,

04:40huh?

04:41He's not only smart,

04:43he's hardworking,

04:44motherfucker.

04:44This guy.

04:47This guy.

04:48This guy.

04:51We need more half Mexican,

04:53half Germans.

04:56You two are such lovebirds.

04:58The whole show,

04:59you're holding her like this,

05:00huh?

05:01You love her,

05:02huh?

05:02How long,

05:03is this new?

05:04It's been a long time,

05:05and you still love her?

05:07Wow.

05:08No,

05:09that's beautiful.

05:10I can't relate to you.

05:11That's beautiful,

05:12man.

05:12What's your name?

05:15Nathaniel.

05:16How did you guys hear about the show?

05:18You teased me a little.

05:19It was a great time.

05:20I picked on you?

05:21Yeah.

05:22Oh.

05:25And he came back for more.

05:30You look like a kind serial killer.

05:34You have the nice guy,

05:36and I fuck you up, man.

05:39And how long you guys been dating?

05:40We've known each other for 40 years.

05:4340 years?

05:4540 years.

05:45So you were like childhood friends?

05:48Yeah?

05:48Little kids?

05:49Like how old?

05:50That's adorable.

05:51At seven years old,

05:52you guys were,

05:52wow.

05:57Nathaniel,

05:58you're such a pervert.

06:01Seven years old?

06:03Damn.

06:03She's two years older than you?

06:09Wow.

06:12We're in power, dude.

06:14You locked him in at age five, huh?

06:18Did you guys ever be a part for college?

06:23Yes?

06:23Yeah?

06:24For college.

06:24College?

06:25And then you went,

06:26and you tried the whole school,

06:27and nothing was as good as Nathaniel.

06:31He was the best, wasn't he?

06:33You were like,

06:33I remember since I was seven years old.

06:37Good, good.

06:38That's nice.

06:38And when did you guys reunite again?

06:40Right after college.

06:41Right after college.

06:43Did he have hair back then?

06:46He had hair when you got back to him?

06:49And then as soon as he met at you,

06:50you guys became serious,

06:52and you're like,

06:53you committed,

06:53all the hair came off.

06:56You know,

06:57you know why bald men have hot girlfriends?

07:00Do you know why?

07:01Because the testosterone,

07:02the more testosterone you have as a man,

07:05the sooner you lose your hair.

07:07That fucking jackrabbit,

07:10five years old,

07:11this five-year-old.

07:12What an impression he left

07:19that 20-something years later in college,

07:23he's like,

07:23oh my God,

07:23I need the rabbit.

07:25Nathaniel the rabbit.

07:30Look at this lady,

07:32so well-dressed.

07:33You,

07:34you know I'm talking to you.

07:35You're the only one

07:36who's got the most sparkly shirt.

07:40What's your name?

07:42Malini,

07:42where are you from?

07:44Thailand.

07:45Oh wow,

07:46that's so nice.

07:47And your husband is?

07:49Green card.

07:50That's fucking nice.

07:52That's beautiful.

07:55Look at this guy,

07:56he's like a James Bond

07:57looking white guy.

07:58He's not just any white guy.

08:00You did good,

08:00Thai lady.

08:02You did good.

08:04This one is fantastic.

08:06No wonder you're wearing that shirt,

08:07you're like,

08:07I'm shining baby,

08:09I'm a star.

08:11Stand up,

08:11let everybody see your outfit.

08:12You look so good.

08:13Stand up.

08:15Look how sexy this guy.

08:19They thought it was

08:20Maximini's wedding tonight.

08:27Afghanistan.

08:30Wow.

08:30Even the black guy is clapping.

08:32He's scared.

08:33He's like,

08:33fuck man,

08:34I was a soldier in Afghanistan.

08:36What's your name?

08:40Hitesh?

08:41You're not black.

08:41Fuck that shit.

08:45Hitesh,

08:45where are you from?

08:46India.

08:47Okay,

08:47okay.

08:47Dog,

08:49if you work on your accent,

08:52you can change your name to Tyrone.

08:53Trust me.

08:57Are you single?

08:59You're going to get a lot more pussy.

09:03You're like,

09:03Tyrone,

09:05motherfucker.

09:08Tyrone in the house.

09:09Beat it.

09:10Hammer.

09:12I don't know.

09:13I don't know.

09:16I don't know.

Ostrich Lady Max Amini Stand Up Comedy

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