- 11 hours ago
Top Gear returns with Season 3, Episode 1: expect high performance, showmanship, and heartbreak. Jeremy Clarkson reviews the Ford GT and celebrates 40 years of the Porsche 911 GT3. James May tries out the new BMW 5 Series. Plus, witness the dramatic watery demise of Top Gear’s old Jaguar. Guest Martin Kemp hits the test track as Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. A must-watch with supercars, stunts, and all the classic Top Gear flair.
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TVTranscript
00:00Mission aim,
00:29Grand Slam, the red for no loss. There's only one opposition today, so valid timeout kill, but we will have a wild card in there just to keep us amused.
00:37Training. We're going to have to make sure we target the swords if it's...
00:40Any questions?
00:52In tonight's programme, as you've just seen, the Stig has gone top gun.
00:56James will be looking at the new 5 Series BMW, and I'll be giving myself a brain tumour.
01:06Hello. Now, when we were putting this new type of top gear together, we made a decision.
01:12We would not squander the licence fee payers' money on airfares jetting off to the other side of the world to drive cars.
01:18We would wait for them to come to us.
01:21This was a hard and fast rule, and it would never be broken.
01:25I've come to Detroit, which, in my defence, is not exactly Saint-Tropez.
01:42God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the 7th, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.
01:52Back in the 60s, Detroit was the home of Motown and Motor City.
02:06But the riots of 67 left it a deserted and shattered shell.
02:15So, I haven't come here for a holiday.
02:19I've come here for something even better.
02:22This is the new Ford GT.
02:31It's the first proper supercar ever made in America.
02:35It was built to celebrate Ford's 100th birthday.
02:39But there's a lot more to it than that.
02:42Back in 62, Ford tried to buy Ferrari, but at the last minute, Enzo pulled out of the deal.
02:55Henry Ford was livid and ordered his British division to build a car that would crush those pony-arsed heaps of junk.
03:02This is the car that resulted.
03:15Called the GT40, it beat the Ferraris at Le Mans for four years on the trot.
03:25It transformed the way we thought about Ford.
03:28And it left a lasting impression on a small six-year-old boy from Doncaster.
03:35Me.
03:37Over the years, there have been a couple of attempts to try and rekindle the GT40 magic.
03:42There was the GT70, which I bought.
03:45Here it is, look.
03:46Doors open and everything.
03:48Fantastic.
03:49And then, in 1995, there was the GT90.
03:53I actually drove this, and it was horrid.
04:00Had a top speed of 40, and it handled like it was in a cartoon.
04:06Ford realised that the only way forwards was to go backwards.
04:11This is the result.
04:20It looks almost identical to the old GT40, although, because this one was built in America, it is bigger than the one built in Britain.
04:29Longer, wider, and taller.
04:32But still, just as good-looking.
04:35This car shows that the desolate and smashed city of Detroit, one of the most dangerous places on Earth, is not quite dead.
04:47It's still coughing up blood.
04:50And guts.
04:51Don't think, however, that this is just some evolutionary throwback.
05:03Ford wanted it to be much more than a pretty face.
05:07They wanted it to handle like a Lotus Elise, sound like a Honda NSX, shock like a Lamborghini Diablo, and go like a Ferrari 360.
05:17Now, on that last front, the speed foam, I think, they may have overdone it.
05:30You see, it offers up 500 brake horsepower, and that's 100 more than you get from a 360.
05:36And you get twice the torque, over twice the rev range.
05:40So, with its top speed of 200 miles an hour, this thing, once again, will blow Ferrari into the middle of next week.
05:52Obviously, you don't get the sense that the engine was made by craftsmen, using techniques passed from father to son over the generations.
06:02Because, of course, it wasn't.
06:04Actually, the 5.4-litre supercharged V8 is lifted out of one of Ford's pickup trucks.
06:15This, then, is a blue-collar car with a blue-collar punch.
06:20It's a working-class hero.
06:23Let's go hunting for aristocrats.
06:26Shout them to them.
06:27Of course, Americans have never had a problem making stuff go fast in a straight line.
06:37The Space Shuttle, the Corvette, the Boeing 747, and so on.
06:44But they have never, and I've checked this out with all the experts,
06:48they've never made a car that can go around corners properly.
06:53Until now.
06:54The ride comfort's a bit shabby, but as far as handling and grip are concerned,
07:03it is epic.
07:08So, it goes fast, handles well, looks astonishing,
07:12and we haven't even got to the second best thing about it yet.
07:16The clutch is so light, even someone from a Lowry painting could press it.
07:27The steering's light, the gearbox is light, I've got air conditioning,
07:30I've got a stereo, I've got electric windows, I've got central locking,
07:34and yet, none of the essence of the GT40 has been lost.
07:39Look at these doors, for instance.
07:41They're still cut into the roof.
07:43And just like on the old car, you can see the engine through the back window.
07:48Mind you, not as well as if you open up the clamshell.
07:53Oh, look at that.
07:56Look at it!
07:58Makes me feel six years old all over again.
08:01In fact, I think I've just wet myself.
08:07Amazingly then, Ford seems to have done it.
08:09The GT does handle like a Lotus, it does shop like a Lambo,
08:13and it goes harder and faster than a Ferrari.
08:16And now we get to the best thing about it.
08:24It's priced like a Ford.
08:31Even though it'll only be built in tiny numbers,
08:33it's going to be less than £100,000.
08:37That's £8,000 less than the Ferrari,
08:39and £17,000 less than the Lamborghini Gallardo.
08:43I love this thing.
08:50I love it even more than I thought I was going to.
08:56Feel that power.
09:05I love it mostly, though,
09:07because it takes you back to a time
09:08when Detroit was humming to the petrolhead rhythm
09:11of the Motown sound.
09:14A time when the Temptations provided the descant
09:17and the factories were on base.
09:19A time when the streets echoed to the sound of dancing
09:22and the roar of last-chance heroes
09:25in their V8 muscle cars racing between the lights.
09:29I have always wanted to do this.
09:37Was that legal, sir?
09:51Er, well, I don't know.
09:53The thing was, is when we said we were going to film
09:54in the middle of Detroit,
09:55which is kind of even more dangerous than Birmingham,
09:58we got four police patrol cars to follow us everywhere,
10:01and I did that charging off 120 miles an hour
10:04right through the city centre,
10:06got back expecting them to say,
10:08have you been smoking?
10:09And they were just sitting in their patrol cars
10:11eating doughnuts.
10:12Couldn't give a damn.
10:14Now, this is an original, which is really a British car.
10:16Yeah.
10:16That is an all-American supercar.
10:19No.
10:20That's not an all-American supercar.
10:21No.
10:22You're absolutely right.
10:23They say this is an all-American car.
10:24It isn't.
10:25In fact, the steering comes from an Aston Martin Vanquist.
10:28It brakes are Italian.
10:29A couple of guys from Lotus did the suspension.
10:32The body's British.
10:33It's not American at all.
10:33Yeah, but these are technicalities.
10:34We're talking about the nation that won the Battle of Britain.
10:37Absolutely.
10:37Ben Affleck did that on his own.
10:40And they rescued Europe from Sir Winston Hitler.
10:42They did.
10:43And what made it particularly good
10:45was when I was driving around Detroit in that thing,
10:47everyone you see, all four of them,
10:48they're, hey, nice Ferrari!
10:51Just for all of them.
10:52Now, just tell me,
10:53can I go and buy this from a Ford dealer in Britain?
10:55Not this.
10:56This is an old one.
10:56This is about £350,000.
10:58But you can walk into a dealer in Barnsley
11:01tomorrow, slap down your £90,000,
11:04whatever it's going to cost,
11:06and you can buy one of those things.
11:08Would you?
11:09Yeah.
11:10In Barnsley?
11:11Yeah, I'd be even more fun.
11:12Actually, if I do decide to get one,
11:14and I'm sort of...
11:16I will buy it from Barnsley.
11:18Whoever the dealer is in Barnsley,
11:19I'm on my way, probably.
11:21Here's another new Ford.
11:23It's called the Vsos.
11:24And look at this shape.
11:26Very cutting edge.
11:27And then the interior.
11:29Wow.
11:29And those dials,
11:30they're all spangly, clever,
11:32up-to-the-minute computer stuff.
11:34And there's no mirrors.
11:35Look.
11:36Cameras instead.
11:37Ah, yeah.
11:38It's a very modern car, no doubt.
11:40But look a bit more closely.
11:42And look,
11:42there's these grills on the flank,
11:44and then the shape of this window.
11:47Now, you can't fool me
11:48if Ford ever actually make this car for real.
11:52This is the new Capri.
11:54No doubt about it.
11:55Tell you what, though,
11:55you know in the olden days
11:56when people actually had Capris?
11:58They always had the bonnet up on a Saturday
11:59tinkering around with the engine.
12:01Fettling.
12:01Exactly.
12:02Well, nowadays,
12:03people always fiddle around with computers.
12:05Yeah.
12:06So what this has got,
12:07which is amazing,
12:08well, if they ever get down to
12:09putting a bonnet in it,
12:10which they haven't at the moment,
12:11it'll have a...
12:13Plug.
12:13Plug.
12:14Port thing.
12:15You put your laptop in it,
12:16and you'll be able to adjust,
12:17like, the rev limiter
12:18and the suspension settings
12:20and everything.
12:21But it goes further than that.
12:22It's very clever,
12:22because once you've got your laptop plugged in,
12:24you can then log on to the Internet
12:26and you can actually download
12:28specifications and settings
12:29direct from Ford.
12:30And better than that, even,
12:32you can then exchange data
12:33with your mates
12:34and their Vsauce.
12:35So if you got one,
12:36I could set the rev limit
12:36at, like, 1500 RPM.
12:38Have the headlamps flash
12:39every time we went above 10.
12:41Not quite what they meant there, really.
12:42Or even better,
12:43if you get stuck behind one on the road,
12:45what you could do
12:46is dial up its computer
12:48from your laptop,
12:49Bluetooth, mobile phone,
12:50speed him up a bit.
12:52All right.
12:52All right.
12:53150.
12:53And then just apply
12:55one of the rear brakes.
12:56Yeah, that's just stupid.
12:58It's stupid.
12:59Anyway,
12:59this is the BMW 5 Series.
13:02Now,
13:02this car came out
13:03about seven years ago.
13:05When it did,
13:05it was generally regarded
13:06as the finest car of its type.
13:08It's just gone out of production,
13:10which is odd, really,
13:11because it's still
13:12generally regarded
13:13as the finest car of its type.
13:15The new one, then,
13:17has got quite a lot
13:18to live up to.
13:20So,
13:21it seems odd, then,
13:22that BMW should take
13:23such a gamble.
13:25Have a look at this.
13:31You see,
13:32on paper,
13:33the new 5 Series
13:34is even better
13:35than the old one.
13:36It's lighter,
13:37faster,
13:38roomier,
13:38and it has more gadgets.
13:40But none of that matters
13:45for the moment.
13:45The important question
13:47is this.
13:53Is it ugly?
13:57The BMW 5 Series
13:59was always
13:59a very conservative car,
14:02but that also meant
14:03that it was discreet
14:04and inoffensive,
14:05and very business-like,
14:06a bit like
14:07a good receptionist.
14:08And like a good receptionist,
14:10everybody wanted one.
14:11Not anymore.
14:15This new look
14:16is controversial.
14:17It's all odd angles
14:19and edges.
14:20And if you don't like
14:20the outside,
14:21the bad news is
14:22they've done it
14:23in here as well.
14:25I know some
14:26of the 5 Series faithful,
14:28and I also know
14:29that, without question,
14:30they're going to be
14:31put off by this new one.
14:34However,
14:35I like it.
14:36I think it's
14:37modern
14:38and groovy.
14:40It'll take a bit
14:40getting used to,
14:41I know,
14:42but, you know,
14:42the good stuff
14:43always does.
14:47Anyway,
14:47there's a lot more
14:48to life than just
14:49good looks.
14:50I'm just as interested
14:51in personality.
14:55Given the way
14:55BMW's always
14:56boasting about
14:57ultimate driving machines
14:59and what have you,
14:59you'd expect
15:00that this 5 Series
15:01would be very,
15:02very good to drive,
15:03and it is.
15:05It's front-engined
15:06and rear-wheel drive,
15:07but more importantly
15:08than that,
15:09they've used a lot
15:09of aluminium
15:10in the bodywork
15:10to keep the weight
15:11distribution
15:12absolutely spot-on,
15:13and this is
15:14very good for feel.
15:16And then we come
15:17to the engines.
15:19This is a 530i.
15:21It's powered by
15:22a 3-litre
15:22straight-6 petrol engine,
15:24and it's lovely.
15:26For exactly
15:27the same money,
15:28which is a fibre
15:29under £31,000,
15:30you can also have
15:31a 3-litre diesel.
15:33I've tried that as well,
15:34and it is, frankly,
15:35astonishingly good.
15:37So, as management
15:39types would say,
15:40that's all the
15:41basic boxes ticked.
15:43But there's more.
15:44This car is dripping
15:45with what those
15:46same people would call
15:47intelligent solutions.
15:53There's a system
15:54called Dynamic Drive,
15:55which gives you
15:55a nice, comfy ride
15:57under normal conditions,
15:58but then firms up
15:59the suspension
15:59under hard cornering.
16:01So it's soft
16:02when you're just
16:02cruising along,
16:03but it becomes
16:04all taut
16:05when you're giving
16:05it the berries.
16:09It may cost
16:10an extra £1,500,
16:11but the thing is,
16:12it works,
16:13so I'll have it.
16:14And I wish I could
16:15say that about
16:15another new gizmo
16:16called Active Steering.
16:18It's supposed
16:18to make the steering
16:19more direct
16:20at low speeds
16:21to make it easier
16:22to turn corners,
16:23but less direct
16:24at high speeds
16:25so the car
16:25doesn't become twitchy
16:26on the motorway.
16:28Or at least,
16:29that's what it said
16:29in the brochure.
16:31But to be honest,
16:31I just can't really
16:33tell the difference.
16:34So I'm saving
16:36my 830 quid
16:37spending it
16:38on American hard guns.
16:45And I haven't
16:46finished yet.
16:47Now, the old 5 Series
16:48famously had
16:49more computing power
16:50than the Apollo
16:51spacecraft
16:52that went to the moon.
16:54But this one
16:54seems to be
16:55boldly going
16:56where no executive
16:57car has gone before.
16:59Most of the
17:00dashboard buttons
17:01have been replaced
17:02by a TV screen
17:03and this sort
17:04of upturned
17:05pie dish
17:06down here.
17:08It controls
17:09everything.
17:10The air conditioning,
17:11the stereo,
17:12the sat-nav,
17:13even how long
17:14the lights stay on
17:15after you've
17:16parked up at night.
17:18This is my favourite,
17:19though.
17:19It's a sort of
17:20radar parking device.
17:22normally I look
17:27for really easy
17:28parking spaces,
17:29but in the BMW
17:30I look for the
17:31tricky ones,
17:32just for the fun
17:32of it.
17:39So there we go.
17:40It's great to drive
17:41and it comes with
17:42its own amusement
17:43arcade.
17:44The 5 Series
17:45is still a very
17:46good car,
17:47still a great
17:48piece of
17:49German engineering.
17:50It's just that
17:52it's exchanged
17:52the easily
17:53digestible looks
17:54of Tom Cruise
17:55for the more
17:56challenging physiognomy
17:58of that
17:58Gerard Dupidou
17:59bloke.
18:02So,
18:03what about
18:04the rivals?
18:09There's the
18:10Jaguar S-Type,
18:12a great drive,
18:13but look at
18:13its face.
18:15And there's
18:16the Mercedes E-Class,
18:17a fabulous car
18:18for your retirement.
18:20Choosing a 5 Series
18:22used to be
18:22considered a bit
18:23of a no-brainer.
18:25It still is.
18:30Were you
18:31in any way
18:32unwell
18:32when you recorded
18:33that?
18:34Well,
18:34actually,
18:34I did have
18:34a really bad
18:35dose of the pox.
18:36That explains it.
18:37Because anybody
18:39whose eyes
18:40were working
18:40probably would
18:41recognise that
18:42this is the
18:43ugliest thing.
18:44It is!
18:44It's the first
18:45car ever
18:46where children
18:47will be sick
18:48before they get
18:49in the back.
18:49Rubbish.
18:50We'll have a vote.
18:51Hands up
18:52everyone who
18:52thinks it's ugly.
18:54I didn't prompt
18:55them or anything.
18:56Now hands up
18:57those who think
18:58it's not ugly.
19:01You see?
19:01All the ones
19:02who have their
19:03glasses at home.
19:04Alright,
19:04alright.
19:05You are an
19:06executive.
19:06This is going
19:06to take a bit
19:07of imagination.
19:08You're an
19:08executive,
19:08okay,
19:09and you're
19:09going to buy
19:09a new car.
19:10You're not
19:11going to buy
19:11that S-Type Jag,
19:12are you?
19:13It's a great
19:13drive,
19:13but you
19:13wouldn't let
19:14your kids
19:14sit around
19:15with their
19:15mouths open
19:15like that.
19:17E-Class
19:17Mercedes.
19:18Now,
19:18you've got
19:18a Mercedes.
19:19How much
19:19have you
19:19enjoyed it
19:20over the
19:20summer?
19:20No,
19:21I haven't.
19:21It's been
19:22in the
19:23shop the
19:23entire time.
19:24It goes
19:24in,
19:25it's broken,
19:25it comes
19:25back more
19:26broken and
19:26goes in
19:27again.
19:27That's
19:27pretty much
19:28Mercedes
19:28ownership.
19:28So you're
19:29not having
19:29one of
19:29those?
19:29No.
19:30You're
19:30not having
19:30an
19:30Audi A6
19:31because
19:31it's
19:31too old?
19:32No.
19:32You're
19:32not having
19:32a Kia
19:33Magentus
19:33because
19:33it's
19:33stupid.
19:34No,
19:34you
19:35wouldn't.
19:35No,
19:35you're
19:35right,
19:35I
19:35wouldn't.
19:36And
19:36you're
19:36not
19:36going
19:36to
19:36have
19:36an
19:37Alpha
19:37166
19:37because
19:38nobody
19:38would
19:39buy
19:39a
19:39new
19:39one.
19:40You,
19:40Jeremy Clarkson,
19:42you are the
19:42European
19:42director of
19:43photocopying,
19:44brackets,
19:44toner
19:45distribution,
19:46you will
19:46buy one
19:47of these.
19:48I've
19:49suddenly
19:49decided I
19:50don't want
19:50to talk
19:51to you
19:51anymore.
19:52What
19:52I
19:52want
19:52to
19:52do
19:52is
19:53talk
19:53to
19:53my
19:53guest
19:54tonight.
19:55He
19:55was a
19:56rockstar,
19:56but
19:56unlike
19:57any
19:57other
19:57rockstar,
19:58he
19:58didn't
19:58die
19:58in
19:58a
19:58pool
19:59of
19:59vomit
19:59in
19:59a
19:59hotel
19:59room
20:00full
20:00of
20:00pills
20:00and
20:00hookers.
20:01Instead,
20:02he
20:02died
20:03in
20:03an
20:03enormous
20:04fireball
20:05in
20:05a
20:05car
20:05crash.
20:06Despite
20:07this,
20:07he's
20:07with
20:07us
20:07tonight.
20:08Ladies
20:08and
20:08gentlemen,
20:09Martin
20:09Kemp!
20:14How are
20:14you?
20:15Very well.
20:16Good,
20:16have a
20:17seat.
20:22So,
20:22you
20:22were
20:23killed
20:23in
20:23a
20:23car
20:23crash?
20:24Yep.
20:25And
20:25you're
20:25still
20:25here.
20:26Yep,
20:26and I'm
20:26back.
20:27We've
20:27got
20:28some
20:28film
20:29of
20:29this.
20:29Can
20:29we
20:29just
20:29have
20:30a
20:30quick
20:30look
20:30to
20:30remind
20:31everybody
20:31of
20:31how
20:31it
20:55can
20:56I
20:56can
20:56see
20:56where
20:57the
20:57BBC's
20:57budget
20:57went
20:58that
20:58week.
20:59Well,
20:59that's
20:59six
20:59series.
21:01Six
21:01three
21:01five
21:02PM?
21:02Yeah.
21:03Couldn't
21:03you have
21:03smashed up
21:04something a
21:04little bit
21:05less good
21:05than that?
21:07Well,
21:07yeah,
21:07but that's
21:08the beauty
21:08of sometimes
21:09of being an
21:09actor,
21:09is that you
21:10smash up
21:10these really
21:11nice cars.
21:12You know,
21:12it's some
21:12kind of sadistic
21:13pleasure you get
21:14from it.
21:15Can I
21:15offer you a
21:16new car to
21:17smash up
21:17in your
21:18next venture?
21:18A new
21:19five series
21:20BMW?
21:20You like
21:23Ross Kemp
21:23left in a
21:24car accident,
21:24you've gone
21:25to ITV
21:26like Ross
21:26Kemp,
21:27you've both
21:27called Kemp,
21:28he's been on
21:29this show,
21:29now you're
21:30on it,
21:31does that
21:31mean you're
21:31now going
21:32to marry
21:32Piers Morgan?
21:35I'll tell you
21:35something,
21:36when I first
21:36left EastEnders
21:37and I joined
21:39ITV and I
21:39had a few
21:40quid in my
21:41pocket and
21:41I thought,
21:42right,
21:42I'm going
21:42to treat
21:43myself,
21:43so I went
21:43down to
21:44the local
21:44911
21:45garage,
21:46Porsche
21:46garage,
21:47and I'm
21:47standing there
21:48and looking
21:49in a window
21:49of a car
21:50and someone
21:51touched my
21:52back here
21:53and looking
21:53in the window
21:54here of the
21:55next car
21:55is Ross
21:56buying his
21:57Porsche,
21:57so I thought
21:58that's what
21:58you get
21:59if you leave
21:59EastEnders.
22:00So you've
22:00got a 911
22:01turbo?
22:02No,
22:02not a turbo,
22:02I've got a
22:03911.
22:03He's got a
22:03turbo.
22:04Yeah,
22:05he's a big
22:05boy though.
22:06Now come
22:07on,
22:07you can't
22:07allow him
22:08to have a
22:08turbo and
22:09what have
22:10you got
22:10then?
22:11I've
22:11got a
22:11Carrera.
22:14It's
22:14911.
22:15Now you
22:16see,
22:16is it a
22:16Carrera 2?
22:18I'll tell you
22:18which one it is,
22:19but yeah,
22:23I've had a
22:24long line of
22:25911s.
22:26My first car
22:26when I was
22:27in a band
22:27was a 911
22:28and I think
22:29over the years
22:30I've had about
22:31eight of them
22:31but the new
22:33ones I'm
22:33kind of
22:33disappointed in.
22:34These ones
22:34are kind of...
22:35A bit too
22:36soft.
22:37Before your
22:38night you're
22:38up in
22:38fifth gear
22:39and it's
22:40too easy
22:40to drive.
22:41Yeah,
22:41I prefer to
22:41get into
22:42top gear
22:42myself.
22:46A bit of
22:47a dig at
22:48the opposition
22:48there.
22:49The thing
22:51is though,
22:52the band
22:52you're talking
22:53about there
22:53is Spandau
22:54Ballet.
22:54Yeah.
22:55Now we've
22:55got a photograph
22:56of you here
22:57which I'd
22:58like...
22:58Now look.
23:01This kind
23:02of Ewok
23:03Star Wars
23:04waster
23:04teamed with
23:05the Obi-Wan
23:07Kenobi
23:07monk's
23:08habit.
23:10Is this,
23:10do you think,
23:11why the
23:11911 got a
23:12bit of a
23:13reputation
23:13in the
23:1380s?
23:14Well I
23:14thought the
23:15911 was
23:15quite suitable
23:16for the
23:1680s to be
23:17honest.
23:17Those big
23:18wheel arches
23:18at the
23:18back,
23:19they were
23:19kind of
23:19like
23:19shoulder
23:19pads
23:20in
23:20metal
23:21weren't
23:21they?
23:21They were
23:22actually,
23:22the Joan
23:23Collins look
23:23at the back.
23:24Did you start
23:25off with
23:25911 then?
23:26Yeah,
23:26I started
23:27off with a
23:27Lancia that I
23:28had for a few
23:28months.
23:29I like that,
23:30which one?
23:30It was the
23:32one with the
23:32hardtop on
23:33the roof.
23:35I know,
23:35the folding,
23:36but there was
23:36a bit of
23:36back window.
23:37Beta,
23:38not the
23:38coupe,
23:39the
23:39beater.
23:40Where's that
23:40man with
23:41a beard?
23:43Not the
23:43Monte Carlo,
23:44that was the
23:44one that was
23:45mid-engine.
23:45Lancia beater.
23:46It was a
23:47beater,
23:47but specifically,
23:48where's
23:49beardy?
23:49Spider.
23:50Was it a
23:50spider?
23:50What was it
23:50called?
23:51Spider?
23:52We know
23:53the beater.
23:53Now,
23:53all right,
23:54that's
23:54enough.
23:57It was the
23:58beta spider.
23:59Beta spider.
23:59Which I loved
24:00it,
24:00and I had that
24:01for a few
24:02months.
24:02Well,
24:02that's enough,
24:03then it would
24:03have oxidised.
24:04Yeah,
24:04and then I
24:05went out and
24:06bought a 911E,
24:08which was my
24:09first Porsche.
24:10But didn't
24:10you have a
24:10944?
24:11Well,
24:12I had one
24:12for about a
24:12day.
24:14I was into
24:14911s,
24:15and I think I
24:17had about four
24:17of them on the
24:18trot,
24:18and then I
24:18thought I
24:19needed a
24:19change,
24:20so I
24:20went out and
24:20bought a
24:21944.
24:22And my mum
24:22and dad
24:23lived down
24:23in Dorset,
24:24so I drove it
24:25down there one
24:25day,
24:26and I was so
24:26disappointed with
24:27it on the
24:27way back.
24:28I stopped
24:28in the 911
24:29garage and
24:30bought another
24:30one.
24:31So it
24:32lasted one
24:33day.
24:34Good
24:34secondhand
24:34buying.
24:35Anyway,
24:36on the roads,
24:37what is it that
24:38gets you really
24:39going?
24:39All right,
24:39there's two
24:39things that
24:40get me.
24:41One is the
24:42bus lane on
24:42the M4,
24:43and the
24:44other is the
24:454x4 trip to
24:46school,
24:47the school run,
24:474x4.
24:48Yeah,
24:48so do you do
24:49the school run?
24:50I do,
24:51yeah.
24:51And what car
24:52have you got?
24:534x4.
24:54Is it okay
24:57doing the
24:58school run
24:58for you?
24:59Well,
25:00it's something
25:00I want to
25:01do,
25:02because I
25:03think you
25:03have to
25:03show,
25:04well,
25:04I have to
25:04show my
25:05kids some
25:05kind of
25:05normality,
25:06and because
25:07I would
25:08imagine that
25:08the women
25:08at the
25:09school gates
25:09don't react
25:10in a normal
25:11way.
25:11I mean,
25:11if you saw
25:12him rocking
25:12up at the
25:13school,
25:13would you
25:13react in a
25:14normal way?
25:14Would you
25:15say,
25:15good morning,
25:15Mr.
25:16Kemp?
25:17You'd scream.
25:17No,
25:19listen,
25:19you have to
25:20block it out,
25:21and you just
25:21have to get on
25:22the way.
25:22How can you
25:22block it out
25:23when all the
25:23other mothers
25:23are wearing
25:24negligees?
25:27Oh,
25:27I wonder if
25:27he's doing
25:28the school run
25:29this morning.
25:29I don't
25:29bother with
25:30a dressing
25:30gown.
25:31If I get
25:31down there,
25:32they're all
25:32in fishing
25:32waders up
25:33to here.
25:34You know,
25:35you know what
25:35happens in my
25:35house is that
25:36a lot of the
25:37time I'm away
25:38working and
25:38filming,
25:39so I'm away
25:40for a few
25:40months at a
25:40time,
25:41and then when
25:41I do come
25:42home,
25:42I make it a
25:43priority that
25:44I either take
25:45them or I
25:45bring them
25:45home.
25:46That is so
25:47noble.
25:48That is so
25:49noble,
25:49isn't it?
25:49I do,
25:50I like that
25:50very much.
25:51I can't be
25:52bothered.
25:54Still,
25:54it will have
25:54stood you in
25:55good stead today
25:56because,
25:56of course,
25:56you came down
25:57here to drive
25:57our reasonably
25:58priced car
25:59round our
26:00track.
26:01Now,
26:01these are the
26:02people who've
26:02been so far.
26:04We've got
26:04Jodie Kidd
26:05sitting at the
26:05top,
26:06above JK,
26:07and then at
26:08the bottom
26:08we've got
26:09Richard Whiteley.
26:11Presumably,
26:11you'll be
26:11asked to
26:12Ross Kemp
26:12here.
26:13Listen,
26:14I do not
26:15know.
26:15I haven't got
26:15a clue.
26:16I just shut
26:16my eyes and
26:17put my toe
26:17down.
26:18Was it wet
26:18or was it
26:19dry out there?
26:20Well,
26:20it was soaking
26:21wet and
26:21because the
26:22water was
26:23sitting on
26:23the tarmac
26:24and it was
26:24reflecting up
26:25like a mirror
26:25and you
26:26couldn't really
26:27see the
26:27markings.
26:28You should
26:28be a racing
26:28driver.
26:29This is
26:29exactly the
26:30sort of
26:30thing we
26:30hear from
26:30that lot
26:31with them
26:31big
26:32hairedies.
26:32Well,
26:33so far,
26:34our fastest
26:34wet runner
26:35has been
26:36Ross Kemp.
26:37Right,
26:37okay.
26:38So,
26:38I'm looking
26:39at 154.
26:40You'd be
26:40looking,
26:41really,
26:41at 154,
26:42who would
26:42be the
26:42fastest.
26:43This was
26:43mildly
26:44damp,
26:44Alan Davis,
26:45okay?
26:45Who'd
26:46like to
26:46have a
26:46look
26:46how
26:47Martin
26:47did?
26:48Yes?
26:49Okay,
26:49let's
26:50have a
26:50look.
26:52Oh,
26:52that is
26:53wet,
26:53actually.
26:54Yeah.
26:54So,
26:54I couldn't
26:56see the
26:57markings.
26:58That's
26:58just,
26:58use that
26:59excuse,
26:59I think
26:59of another
27:00one.
27:01You've
27:01got a
27:02tire
27:02squeal
27:02in
27:02the
27:02rig.
27:05That's
27:05not too,
27:06that's
27:06un...
27:07Yes,
27:07you were
27:08off,
27:08but that's
27:08you were,
27:09yeah,
27:09that's
27:09fair enough,
27:10but that's
27:10just sliding
27:11a bit
27:11wide.
27:12What?
27:15This is
27:18very good.
27:18I mean,
27:18Steve Coogan
27:19was...
27:20That's
27:21sliding a bit
27:22from the
27:22back.
27:22That's
27:23very good.
27:23Yes,
27:24a bit wobbly
27:24at the end
27:25in Gambon
27:25corner,
27:26and...
27:27Just before
27:38we reveal
27:39the time,
27:40wasn't
27:40completely
27:41smooth out
27:42there in
27:42your practice,
27:43was it?
27:43wasn't as
27:45smooth as
27:45that.
27:46You'd like
27:46to see
27:47what happened
27:48while he
27:48was practicing.
27:50Put it
27:50on.
27:52Oh,
27:52it's the
27:52hardest
27:52corner of
27:53the
27:53lot.
27:53Threading
27:54a needle
27:54at 100
27:54miles an
27:55hour,
27:55and...
27:56Very good!
28:04That's...
28:04that's the
28:13furthest
28:14anybody's
28:15been
28:15from the
28:16track.
28:17Nobody's
28:18skidded off
28:18onto that
28:19piece of
28:19tarmac,
28:20but anyway,
28:20your time.
28:21Yeah.
28:22One minute,
28:23and it's a wet
28:23lap,
28:24and we're all
28:24agreed on that,
28:25so we'll put
28:25the W on.
28:26One minute,
28:27surprise,
28:28surprise,
28:28the same
28:30I do think
28:39it's quite
28:39funny,
28:39you're going
28:40around telling
28:40the world
28:40that Gary's
28:41your brother
28:41plainly.
28:42This is
28:43unbelievable.
28:44So I need a
28:45showdown with
28:45Ross,
28:46then?
28:46Well,
28:46these two
28:46want a
28:47showdown.
28:47They really
28:48want to race
28:48each other,
28:49and I think
28:50a Kemp
28:50showdown
28:51may be
28:51all the day.
28:53Ladies and
28:53gentlemen,
28:54Martin Kemp!
28:55Now,
29:02as I'm sure
29:03you know,
29:03we're not
29:04fans of
29:04diesel on
29:05this programme.
29:06We think
29:06it is
29:06the fuel
29:07of Satan,
29:08but in
29:09the summer,
29:10I drove
29:10one of
29:10these.
29:10It's the
29:11E-Class
29:11Mercedes
29:12Diesel
29:13Saloon.
29:14And then
29:14I noticed
29:15something
29:15strange.
29:16These are
29:16the figures,
29:16okay?
29:17This is
29:17the petrol
29:17one,
29:18this is
29:18the diesel.
29:19The diesel
29:19is more
29:20powerful,
29:21same 0-60,
29:22faster,
29:23much more
29:23economical,
29:24cheaper,
29:25and as
29:25far as
29:26I could
29:26tell,
29:26no noisier,
29:27and that
29:27got me
29:28thinking.
29:29Maybe,
29:30while I've
29:30been wearing
29:31my blinkers,
29:32something strange
29:33has happened.
29:34Maybe all
29:35diesel cars
29:36are now
29:36okay.
29:42This is a
29:43diesel-powered
29:44Volkswagen
29:45Lupo,
29:45so we all
29:46know what
29:46to expect.
29:47It'll make
29:48the sound
29:48of the
29:49farmyard
29:49and accelerate
29:50like a
29:51dog on
29:51a rug.
29:54Or is
29:57that wrong?
29:58Well,
29:59let's find
29:59out.
30:02I am
30:03going to
30:03do one
30:04lap of
30:05the M25
30:05in this
30:06thing to
30:06see if
30:07it's
30:07bearable.
30:08And to
30:08make it
30:09more
30:09interesting,
30:10I shall
30:11be going
30:11in convoy
30:12with a
30:12petrol-powered
30:13Lupo.
30:14And the
30:14producer has
30:15said,
30:16however much
30:16money I
30:17save in
30:18fuel,
30:19by driving
30:19this,
30:21I can
30:21spend in
30:22the
30:22shop.
30:26Like
30:27all
30:27motorway
30:28service
30:28stations,
30:29there's
30:29much to
30:30choose
30:30from.
30:32$4.99
30:33for a
30:33Cliff
30:34Richard
30:34calendar.
30:36Tempting.
30:41Oh,
30:42look at
30:43this gold
30:44plated
30:45crystal
30:46telephone.
30:47I mean,
30:50who's
30:51going
30:51round the
30:51M25
30:52and thinks
30:53I've
30:54suddenly
30:55decided I
30:55need a
30:55pair of
30:56trousers?
30:59Oh,
30:59for God's
31:00sake.
31:02My
31:02video's in
31:03the discount
31:03bin.
31:04$3.99.
31:08With
31:09both cars
31:10full to the
31:10brim of
31:11fuel,
31:11it was
31:11time to
31:12set off.
31:13Rough with
31:14the smooth
31:15on Top
31:15Gear this
31:16week,
31:16then.
31:17A little
31:17while ago,
31:18I was
31:18doing
31:18burnouts
31:19in a
31:20burnt-out
31:20city in
31:21a Ford
31:21GT with
31:22500 million
31:24brake horsepower.
31:26And now
31:26I'm going
31:27round the
31:27most boring
31:28road in
31:29the world
31:29in a
31:30diesel
31:31Lupo.
31:33Actually,
31:33I like
31:33the Lupo.
31:34I like
31:35its mad
31:35face and
31:36its
31:36tininess.
31:38Best of
31:38all,
31:39though,
31:39it doesn't
31:40feel like
31:41a small
31:41car.
31:42I know
31:42it's more
31:43expensive
31:43than all
31:43its rivals
31:44and the
31:44boot
31:44is pathetic,
31:46but there's
31:47an enormous
31:48amount of
31:48space up
31:49here and
31:50a sense
31:50of what
31:50the Germans
31:51call
31:52covality.
31:55But now
31:55for the
31:55nitty-gritty.
31:57This
31:571.4-litre
31:58diesel
31:58version costs
31:59£10,200,
32:01exactly the
32:02same as
32:02the 1.4-litre
32:04petrol version.
32:05They both
32:05have power
32:05steering,
32:06both have
32:06stereos,
32:07both have
32:07alloy wheels.
32:09Obviously,
32:10the petrol
32:10version's
32:11faster.
32:11It'll do
32:12£120.
32:14whereas the
32:14diesel car
32:15won't.
32:17They've
32:17helped it
32:17along with
32:18a turbo,
32:18but it'll
32:19barely do
32:19105,
32:20and 0-60
32:21takes 12
32:22seconds.
32:240-60 in
32:26double figures.
32:28Well, I
32:28didn't know
32:28that was still
32:29possible.
32:31Thing is,
32:32though, that
32:33in the real
32:33world, you
32:34never go from
32:350-60, and
32:36you never go
32:36flat out.
32:37What you do
32:38is go from
32:3950 to 70
32:40a lot in
32:41fifth.
32:44And that's
32:46where the
32:47diesel engine
32:47comes in.
32:48No-one knows
32:49what torque
32:50is, but
32:50this has
32:51144 of
32:53them.
32:54144 torques
32:55live under
32:56its bonnet.
32:58Obviously,
32:59you shouldn't
33:00listen to those
33:00people who say,
33:01oh, we can't
33:02tell it's a
33:02diesel under
33:03the bonnet.
33:03Sounds just
33:04like a petrol,
33:05because it
33:05doesn't.
33:06Sounds like
33:06it's been
33:07fueled with
33:07sandpaper.
33:08But, crucially,
33:10it's not so
33:11noisy that I
33:12can't hear
33:13Ken Bruce's
33:14Popmaster.
33:15Give me the
33:16titles of
33:16three UK
33:17single
33:18chart hits
33:18four
33:19squeeze.
33:21Call the
33:21cats,
33:22labelled
33:23with love,
33:24up the
33:24junction.
33:27Come on,
33:28useless
33:28man.
33:31Easy.
33:34So that's
33:35Popmaster
33:36over for
33:37another day
33:37and now
33:37on board.
33:38People are
33:41always being
33:42rude about
33:43the M25.
33:44Oh, it's
33:45got 73
33:46miles of
33:47jams on
33:47any given
33:48Monday, but
33:49think about
33:49it.
33:50I know it
33:50should be
33:50wider, I
33:51know there
33:51should be
33:5168 lanes
33:53in either
33:53direction,
33:54but 200,000
33:56cars a day
33:57use this
33:58thing.
33:58200,000,
33:59and imagine
33:59where they'd
34:01all go if
34:02it weren't
34:02here.
34:03Forget a
34:03car,
34:04Scholten,
34:05and Watford.
34:07Do you
34:07want to go to
34:08Watford?
34:08Hmm?
34:10Oh, no.
34:12There I was
34:13defending the
34:14M25, and
34:15now...
34:16Oh.
34:22I love
34:22people's faces in
34:24traffic jams.
34:24Oh, is it so
34:25miserable?
34:27Could be
34:27worse.
34:28You could be
34:28shot in the
34:28back of the
34:29head by a
34:29marksman.
34:30car, but
34:33even though the
34:34motorway let
34:35us down, I
34:35have to say
34:36the diesel was
34:36good to us.
34:38Not just
34:38bearable, but
34:39faster where it
34:40matters than the
34:41petrol.
34:42And because of
34:42all those torques,
34:43you have to
34:44change gear less
34:45often, and that
34:45makes it more
34:46relaxing to drive.
34:50I'm in the
34:51outside lane of a
34:52British motorway,
34:53doing outside lane
34:55of British motorway
34:56speeds.
34:56in my 1.4
34:58diesel city
34:59car, and
35:01it's fine.
35:03I have to say
35:03I am impressed.
35:05Painfully, painfully
35:07impressed.
35:08And we haven't
35:09even got to the
35:10business of fuel
35:11economy yet.
35:16Right.
35:17That is now
35:18brimmed.
35:20And the news is
35:21frankly astonishing,
35:23because this little
35:24diesel here has done
35:2575 miles to the
35:27gallon, and the
35:28petrol only managed
35:3042 miles to the
35:31gallon, and that's
35:32a huge gulf.
35:34So are the
35:34savings.
35:36On just one lap
35:37of the M25, 119
35:39miles, I've saved
35:41£4.29p, which I'm
35:45now going to go and
35:45spend in the shop.
35:48So what do you
35:49spend your £4.29 on
35:50then?
35:51I spent it on a
35:52cock.
35:52Let's have a look.
35:53Look at that.
35:54Gold with real
35:57crystals.
35:58I'll just share that
35:58with the nation.
35:59Do you know what?
36:00That is so awful, that
36:01if that had been me, I
36:02think I'd have had your
36:03video and kept the
36:04change.
36:07No, the thing that
36:08occurred to me is if you
36:08went round to the M25,
36:10I don't know, there
36:10were probably 20 of
36:11those different
36:12statuette things, you
36:13could get the lot.
36:14The producer says if I
36:16go round again, I can
36:17have a beaver.
36:18A golden beaver?
36:19A golden beaver.
36:24Do you honestly think I
36:25am going to put up with
36:26a small diesel hatchback
36:28just so that I can have a
36:29golden cock?
36:32Yes, almost certainly.
36:33Listen, the thing is, it
36:34is faster.
36:35I promise you, James,
36:36I promise you it isn't.
36:38I organised a race this
36:40morning round the track.
36:40In the wet, the petrol
36:41loopo was six seconds
36:43quicker.
36:44That is eternity.
36:45On the motorway, 50 to
36:4770, you put your foot
36:48down in the diesel and
36:48the bloat and the petrol
36:49ones fishing around.
36:50And also, if I can just
36:51think back to when you
36:52were driving that 5
36:54series, you said you
36:55were driving the 3-litre
36:56petrol, you've driven the
36:573-litre diesel, and I'm
36:58quoting, and it was
36:59astonishing.
37:00Yeah, the big 3-litre
37:01BMW engine is astonishing,
37:02as that Mercedes one is
37:04that you drove, but on a
37:04small hatchback.
37:06When you drive one of
37:06those and it's a diesel,
37:07it says three things
37:08about you.
37:08One is, you're tighter
37:09than two coats of paint.
37:10The second one is, you
37:11care so much about the
37:12environment that you want to
37:13leave a little
37:13protective sooty film over
37:15is, you're probably French.
37:17I've suddenly remembered
37:18why I don't like talking
37:19to you, so I'm going to
37:20go and talk to my best
37:21friend, the little one.
37:24Now, we get thousands of
37:25letters every week sent
37:26here to our Top Gear
37:28office, and to be honest,
37:29most of them we ignore.
37:30Until recently, we've
37:31suddenly decided, well,
37:32this is an untapped
37:33resource, and we've
37:35spotted a bit of a theme
37:36developing.
37:37Absolutely.
37:37We get 100 million
37:38letters every week from
37:39women complaining about
37:41their men's love of cars.
37:43This is true, we do.
37:44We don't write to
37:45Trini and Susanna on
37:46what not to wear and
37:47complain about women
37:48coming out of changing
37:49rooms going, this dress
37:50is perfect and I love
37:51the colour, I'll try
37:52something else on.
37:53No, we don't.
37:54And yet, let me just
37:56share this one.
37:57This is from Corinna
37:58Bearman of Swindon, and
38:00she says, in December
38:01last year, I was
38:03expecting our baby.
38:04I went into labour, we
38:05went to hospital, my
38:05labour turned out to be
38:06slow, and we sat
38:07watching television in the
38:08communal lounge area.
38:10Top Gear came on as I
38:11started to get painful
38:12contractions.
38:13My fiancé Darren, as
38:14always, was glued to your
38:15programme, was oblivious to
38:16the pain I was in.
38:18Occasionally, he turned to
38:19me and asked, were I
38:20all right?
38:21And then turned back to
38:22your programme before I'd
38:23even responded.
38:24Only after Top Gear had
38:25finished did he pay any
38:25attention and were able to
38:26go back to my hospital
38:27room.
38:28Yes, if you're going to
38:28write a letter in, try
38:29and have a point or maybe
38:30something contentious in
38:31there.
38:32What's that about?
38:33I have no idea.
38:34This theme continues.
38:35I've got one here.
38:36Now, along the same sort of
38:37line.
38:38Hi, Jeremy, with an
38:40exclamation mark.
38:40It's very irritating.
38:42This is from Claire, and
38:44she signed it with a little
38:44ex, which is like a little
38:46kiss.
38:47My boyfriend has just
38:48bought a new Audi A3.
38:49Fair enough.
38:50Now he's driving me mad with
38:52this new game he has where
38:53he tries to flip the remote
38:55locking from as far away as
38:56possible.
38:57Is he normal?
38:58Yes, clearly.
39:00In fact, I'd say, if
39:01anything, he sounds like a
39:02bit of an amateur.
39:02Yeah, because it's how you
39:04do the flip that matters.
39:05Claire, I'm going to, this
39:07is for your fellow, I'm
39:08going to show some moves
39:08here.
39:09Yeah.
39:09I've got some special ones.
39:10This first one is called
39:12the Bond, and it's perhaps
39:13more of a closing maneuver.
39:14So the car's there, and you
39:15walk away from your car
39:17thus, and then at the last
39:18minute, you turn and fire.
39:21It's a simple, good one to
39:22start with, I reckon.
39:23Keeping the range good.
39:24Yeah.
39:25I quite like the high shot.
39:26If you could demonstrate
39:27that.
39:28Well, the true high shot is
39:29that.
39:30That's the high shot, which
39:31we like very much.
39:32Then there's a really good
39:33one, which is the I've
39:34lost my car in the
39:35multi-story.
39:36Oh, that's quite, that's
39:37also known as the
39:38lawn sprinkler.
39:39Like that.
39:39Waiting for the things to
39:42cover.
39:42All this stuff is being
39:43spoiled by these things.
39:46This is keyless entry,
39:47okay?
39:48Now, they tell us that
39:49when you walk up to the
39:49car, if you've got one of
39:50these in your pocket, the
39:51door is open, okay?
39:52So I was walking up to
39:53the car, opening the
39:54door, it's fine, you get
39:55out and lock it, and you
39:56assume if you walk away,
39:57it'll lock itself.
39:58It does, doesn't it?
39:59Well, this is it.
40:00You've got a hundred
40:00grammerk, and you think,
40:01is that locked?
40:02So you go back, and it's
40:04open, and you think, well,
40:04it would be.
40:06Can to be, yeah.
40:06So you have to say to
40:07passes by, and say,
40:08could you just hold that,
40:09then you go back, and
40:10then you find out it
40:11doesn't lock itself.
40:12Yeah.
40:13You have to push a
40:14button.
40:14How uncool is that?
40:16That's very poor.
40:17I must say that I think
40:18they're going the wrong
40:18way with these sort of
40:19pairing them, with these
40:20key cards, pairing them
40:21down to nothing.
40:22I think if they really
40:23want to know their
40:24market and appeal to,
40:25let's be honest, us
40:26chaps, they should go
40:27the other way and make
40:28them more elaborate.
40:29Getting back to the
40:30original question about
40:31range, I was told
40:33something, and you
40:33don't know this,
40:34I was told something
40:35this morning, which
40:37sounded astonishing, so
40:39I had to try it out.
40:41I am now about 40
40:43yards from the back of
40:44my car, and the
40:45central locking is still
40:47working fine.
40:48But if I go back
40:50another 10 or 15 yards
40:52to say here, we're out
40:57of range.
40:57However, if I put the key
41:00against my head, like so,
41:02and try again...
41:05It's working!
41:10Doesn't work like that.
41:13Does work.
41:17What have I done to my head?
41:19It does work.
41:23It doubles the range, pretty
41:25much.
41:25It doubles the range that it
41:27works using your head.
41:28Do you have to have your
41:29mouth open?
41:30No, it's just like a big
41:31amplifier.
41:32I just don't get that.
41:33If you've got the faintest
41:34idea how that works, please
41:35write to us.
41:36Um, we've got another
41:37letter as well.
41:37Oh, yes, I've got one here
41:38on, um, hang on a second.
41:39This one's come from afar.
41:41It's actually come in from
41:41Saudi, which is quite a long
41:44way away.
41:44Hold on a second.
41:45Dear Jeremy, my aim is to
41:48meet you in your show.
41:49No, no, read out what it
41:49actually says.
41:50Dear?
41:51Dear superstar Mr.
41:52Jeremy Clarkson.
41:53And just do the end as
41:54well.
41:55Best luck to you, King.
41:57That'd be me.
41:58What on earth is the man
42:00going on about?
42:00It is rather difficult to
42:01understand.
42:01My aim is to meet you,
42:02and I send with this post to
42:04VCD to show how I and my
42:05friends are driving,
42:06it's contained.
42:07It does get a little bit
42:07difficult to follow, but the
42:09video that they sent in is
42:11very easy to follow.
42:14This is a Toyota Craner,
42:15front wheel drive.
42:16It is.
42:16So he must be using the
42:18handbrake to make it do
42:19this into the oil tank.
42:20No, he just misses that.
42:21Well done.
42:23Oh, that's just madness.
42:27He's in the street and
42:28people like this man is
42:30insane.
42:33This is the problem.
42:35You see, this is what
42:36happens when you don't let
42:37people drink.
42:38What?
42:39Well, you knew, what's
42:40happened there?
42:40Oh, that's going to go
42:41wrong.
42:41He's gone into the
42:43wall.
42:43No, it's gone very
42:43wrong.
42:44You see, in Newcastle, you
42:45go out and you convert your
42:46kebab into a pavement
42:48pizza.
42:48That's big trouble.
42:50Then you have a fight,
42:51then you go home.
42:52Saudi Arabia looks to me
42:53like a lot more fun.
42:55But that said, you better
42:57laugh.
42:57I have.
42:58Porsche GT3 on our track.
43:05This shape is primeval, part
43:08of the landscape.
43:09And just as a caveman got the
43:11jitters when he saw the
43:12outline of a saber-toothed
43:14tiger, I'm pre-programmed to
43:16start shaking when I see
43:18this.
43:32So, which member of the
43:34911 species is prowling around
43:36our track?
43:37This is the GT3, a Porsche
43:40that offers you less, so it
43:42can give you so much more.
43:47It's been stripped of all
43:49creature comfort, so there's
43:50no sat-nav, there's no
43:52air conditioning, less
43:53soundproof, and even the
43:54carpets are thinner.
43:55No fancy leather seats in
43:57the front, and most seats
43:59are tall in the back.
44:01It's all in the name of
44:02saving weight.
44:06It makes no apologies for
44:08what it is.
44:09So, if you want a comfy
44:10ride, get another car.
44:12If you want to be cool on a
44:13hot day, get another car.
44:15If you want height
44:16adjustment on the seats,
44:17which I've done, get
44:20another car.
44:25But what they've left
44:26behind is good stuff.
44:30For instance, look at the
44:32brakes.
44:32The calipers are yellow, not
44:33the usual Porsche red, and
44:35they signify something
44:36important.
44:37The discs are ceramic.
44:39Sounds like pottery, but it
44:40means they can cope with
44:41enormous punishment without
44:43overheating and fading.
44:46And then, there's the
44:48engine.
44:48Oh, yes, the engine.
44:50It's hand-built from exotic
44:51materials like titanium, and
44:53it's probably the most
44:54important part of the car,
44:56which is good, because it
44:57costs 40 grand.
45:00Shame, then, that you can't
45:02really see it.
45:03It's in here somewhere, behind
45:05this old washing machine.
45:09And it staggers me when I think
45:11where it is, still hanging out
45:14over the edge at the back.
45:15Now, technically, that's just
45:17wrong.
45:17It's like building a pyramid with
45:20the pointy bit at the bottom.
45:21It was a daft idea when they first
45:23did it 40 years ago, and on paper,
45:25it still is today.
45:27That should be rubbish.
45:32It should be up to the usual old
45:34911 tricks.
45:35All that weight at the back,
45:36swinging round like a big
45:38pendulum, ready to punish you the
45:40first time you'd run out of
45:41straight road and talent.
45:43So, you'd think that over the
45:48years, they'd try and inch the
45:50engine forwards.
45:51Now, sir, look at how lovely
45:52new headlamps.
45:53Meanwhile, the engine's coming
45:54towards the front, but no.
45:55German engineers don't do U-turns,
45:58so it's still out there at the
45:59back.
46:07Wherever it is, though, what an
46:09engine.
46:13And the figures speak for
46:15themselves, 0-60, four and a
46:17half seconds.
46:18Top speed, 190.
46:21And for once, it's not scary
46:24using all that power.
46:26In the bad old days, to try and
46:27counter the handling problems,
46:28Porsche tried crude heat
46:30Robinson measures.
46:31They stuffed the front bumper
46:32with lead to try and balance it.
46:35But none of it worked.
46:37In the 70s and 80s, the 911 was
46:39the Grim Reaper's company car.
46:41Huge crowds would gather at
46:43roundabouts to watch fat stock
46:45brokers climb trees in their
46:47Porsches.
46:48Nowadays, though, they're a
46:50little more scientific.
46:51They've mastered the suspension,
46:53have honed and polished their
46:55car until they're left with this
46:56magnificent creation.
46:59This is an amazing machine.
47:06You can put it where you want it and
47:08then hold it in huge slides.
47:12Don't worry, I'm not the drift
47:13girl.
47:15Look, I'm going sideways.
47:19Look at that!
47:20The engine's at the wrong end, yeah.
47:36So what?
47:38Sure, it's a flaw, but it's a flaw like
47:41Cindy Crawford's mole, J. Lo's
47:44enormous buttocks.
47:45It's become its defining feature.
47:49It's the whole point of the car.
47:54The GT3 is final and absolute proof
47:58that evolution works.
48:01And after 40 years, this isn't just
48:04good.
48:04This is the best 911 ever.
48:07Do you know, that's it.
48:14That has made up my mind.
48:15I'm convinced I'm going to go
48:16straight home tonight, rip the
48:17back seats and all the carpets out
48:18of my old 911 and turn it into a
48:20mini one of these.
48:21It's fantastic.
48:22That won't work.
48:22You'll just end up with an up-ten
48:23bathtub with no seats in it.
48:25You are.
48:25However, however, I've driven this
48:27this year and you know I'm a bit of
48:28a Ferrari man.
48:30Footballer.
48:30Yeah.
48:32This was the best car I've
48:34driven all year.
48:34GT3.
48:35I never thought I'd say that of a
48:36911.
48:36I can't believe you are.
48:37I adored it.
48:38I'm glad to hear you say it.
48:39It is absolutely fantastic.
48:40But of course, there is just one
48:42test left for it.
48:43The Stig.
48:44Now, before we sent him off to
48:45HMS Invincible, which we'll see
48:47in a short while, as a bit of
48:48practice, because it is
48:49bucketing out there, we sent him
48:51out on the track in this.
48:53So, schnell, schnell, Herr Stigbacher.
48:57And he's off.
48:59Now, the track surface was soaking.
49:01Look at that spray.
49:02So, this is going to be very
49:04lively out there.
49:05Be careful, Stig.
49:06Steady.
49:08And we made our love on
49:10Wasteland.
49:10Oh, dear.
49:11Stig's sucking up to Martin Kemp.
49:13I think that's shabulous.
49:15Now, we go round Chicago.
49:17Look, he really is having to work
49:19to keep the G2P in check here.
49:21We're going to be going into the
49:24hammerhead.
49:24Now, this could be the biggest
49:26test so far.
49:27You can actually see the front end
49:28lifting under the power.
49:29This is not a day for a rear
49:31engine car at all.
49:33Definitely not a day for a rear
49:35engine car out there.
49:36That is so difficult in the wet.
49:38Blasting out of the follow-through.
49:39Oh, I know he's going to lose it.
49:41Hang on there, Stiggy.
49:43Look at that.
49:45Not even breaking into a sweat.
49:47The last two bends now.
49:48Is he going to keep it off the grass?
49:49Tidy.
49:50Tidy through Gambon at the end.
49:52And across the line.
49:53In.
49:53Now, this is important.
49:55Wet track.
49:56The fastest wet lap we've ever
49:57had so far is a 911 Turbo,
49:59which, of course, has four-wheel
50:00drive.
50:00This doesn't.
50:01And it did its end.
50:02I cannot believe this.
50:03In the wet, one minute, 27.2.
50:08That's just, it's, look at that.
50:10That's faster than an Evo 8 in the
50:12dry.
50:13That's a, that, that, if that had
50:14been dry, I'd, I don't even think
50:16what it would have done it in.
50:17No.
50:17That's, that's got to be.
50:19Anyway, after that momentous drive.
50:23Yeah.
50:24He went off and he joined the Navy.
50:29HMS Invincible.
50:3120,000 tonnes of aircraft carrier
50:34and home to a fleet of Harrier
50:36jump jets.
50:38This plane goes from 0 to 60 in
50:412.8 seconds and is hitting 100
50:43miles an hour by the time it reaches
50:45the end of the 200-metre runway.
50:48And that has given the Stig his
50:54biggest challenge yet.
50:56100 miles an hour in 200 metres.
51:04Obviously, he needed a special kind of
51:07vehicle.
51:09And this is it.
51:09The old Top Gear Jag.
51:12Bought for a couple of hundred quid,
51:13it was stripped of its fat and fitted
51:15with nitrous injection.
51:17That meant 500 brake horsepower.
51:20In a drag race in the last series,
51:22it beat just about every supercar on the
51:25planet.
51:27But is it enough here?
51:30Top Gun versus Top Gear.
51:33100 miles an hour in 200 metres.
51:37And unlike the pilot,
51:38the Stig must leave himself enough space
51:41to pull up again.
51:42The Stig must leave.
51:48The Stig must leave.
52:00The Stig must leave Nexus 5-4.
52:02He's ready.
52:20And he's off. There we go.
52:21Now he's got to get to 100 and then stop again.
52:23Here we go.
52:28That's too fast.
52:32That was not supposed to happen.
52:41And that is unquestionably the end of our Jaguar.
52:48But what about the Stig?
52:54That is all that was there.
52:57The Navy divers went down, but they couldn't find anything.
52:59So tune in next week
53:02and we'll bring you up to speed
53:04with whatever developments have happened.
53:05See you then.
53:06Hit the road again next Sunday at the same time.
53:13We're next tonight on BBC Prime.
53:14Horizon unlocks a 5,000-year-old murder mystery
53:17with the death of the Iceman.
53:19We'll see you then.
53:27The Navy wasn't a 5,000-year-old murder mystery
53:28and we'll see you then.
53:33We'll see you then.
53:35And now it's 3,000-year-old murder mystery
53:37in the next half a day.
53:37We'll see you then.
53:38Bye.
53:38Bye.
53:40Bye.
53:40Bye.
53:41Bye.
53:41Bye.
53:42Bye.
53:42Bye.
53:42Bye.
53:44Bye.
53:45Bye.
53:46Bye.
53:47Bye.
53:37
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