- 4 months ago
Episode 3 turns up the stakes with safety tests and heritage. Jeremy showcases the evolving face of Bentley, while James May tests the latest Subaru Legacy. Richard Hammond demonstrates life-saving techniques — how to escape from a submerged car. Rob Brydon is the guest star in the Reasonably Priced Car. For every petrolhead and safety-minded viewer, this one delivers insight and thrills.
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, James drives a car that you can hand on to your grandchildren.
00:08Iron Gage Reheat in a hot Saab.
00:12And Richard almost drowns.
00:20Good evening and welcome to the new Bentley Continental GT.
00:25Now GT, as I'm sure you know, stands for Grand Tourer.
00:29So I took it on a grand tour to God's waiting room.
00:33The English Riviera.
00:50Our actual destination, as you can see on the satellite navigation system here, is Budleigh Salterton.
00:56And that's because in the olden days, that's who'd have bought one.
01:00Hello, my name's Budleigh Salterton.
01:04And I've got a Bentley Continental GT.
01:08Well, that's the old fashioned image of Bentley.
01:12But today, things have changed.
01:16There's no way the aristocracy is going to buy this car.
01:19I mean, these days they have to burn their children just to stay warm.
01:23And all their furniture is held together by the moths that ate it.
01:27All their houses are drafty and cold.
01:29Look, there's a classic Aristo house there.
01:33Look at that.
01:34Because this costs 110,000 pounds, it's not a car for people who roast their children.
01:44I think it's more for people who like to roast their girlfriends.
01:47Footballers.
01:48People called Gary and Wayne.
01:51Presumably, that's why this thing has a twin-turbocharged 6-litre W12 engine.
02:00Because, you see, that way you'll be able to get from the shops to your drugs test in no time at all.
02:07A colossal 550 brake horsepower gives a top speed of 198 miles an hour.
02:17And 0-60 in 4.7 seconds.
02:20This, in other words, will outgun a Ferrari 575.
02:27Normally, I will do anything to steer clear of the A303
02:31because you always get stuck behind someone with enormous ears in a J-registered Rover 214.
02:38Or, of course, a caravan.
02:41But in this, it's no problem.
02:43Because you simply ease the gear lever into S-Force Star Trek Warp Factor mode
02:49and then engage the turbos.
02:54Oh, my God!
02:58That is so fast.
03:01We only need the tiniest little gap.
03:04There it is.
03:09God, I can't tell you how quick this is.
03:18And yet, despite this ferocious power, and it is ferocious,
03:22there's no sense when you're in here that you're in a stripped-out, hunkered-down racer.
03:27It's quiet and it's comfortable.
03:29There's wood and there's leather.
03:31It's like doing 5,000 miles an hour in Douglas Bader's sponge bag.
03:37It makes you proud to be English, even though the engine does come from Volkswagen, and the floor, and the gearbox, and most of the fixtures and fittings.
03:49Still, because it also has a Volkswagen four-wheel drive system, this big old bruiser does have tenacious grip.
03:57Useful on the winding lanes of Devon.
04:01It's extraordinary for a car that weighs the same as a Range Rover.
04:07It really does feel alive and alive.
04:12It even stops properly, because it has the biggest brakes ever fitted to any car.
04:27And it's a handsome brute as well.
04:31Even though it was styled by a Belgian, it'll look good, parked between the pillars of a footballer's Cheshire mansion.
04:42However, behind the 18th century veneer, the interior is less successful.
04:47First of all, there's this door.
04:51You have to be a meat machine to close it properly.
04:56That's got it.
04:57And then, if you are a meat machine, you'll find it just a little bit cramped in here, chiefly because of these armrests.
05:03They force you to drive along like you've got some kind of sports injury.
05:07And if you put them down, listen, driving along, how long before that would drive you up the wall?
05:18They are completely pointless.
05:21Speaking of which, this button here allows you to adjust the hardness of the suspension like so.
05:30Why do you need that?
05:32Why would you want to make your Bentley more uncomfortable?
05:35It really is as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.
05:42But a slight sense of claustrophobia and the odd silly button are nothing compared to the Continental's biggest problem.
05:50It's Big Brother.
05:55The old four-door renage is a symphony of pomp and circumstance, hope and glory, absolute power corrupting.
06:03Absolutely.
06:05Oh, it isn't very good, but there's such a sense of occasion when you drive it.
06:13This is the other way round, brilliant, sensationally fast, handles beautifully and it will almost certainly be reliable.
06:30But it leaves you feeling just a little bit cold.
06:35It's a bit like Budley Salterton, actually.
06:40On the face of it, you'd like to live here.
06:43It sounds good. A small town on the coast of Devon.
06:46You'd like a piece of that action.
06:51But actually, there isn't any action.
06:55In a recent survey, Budley Salterton was named as Britain's most overpriced, dreary place.
07:01Everything is here, except the sparkle.
07:02And that is what the Bentley's missing. The sparkle. The X factor that turns a really good car, which it is, into a great one.
07:19Which it isn't.
07:24It's a bit harsh, Jeremy.
07:26No. Yes, you're right. It was harsh.
07:28It was harsh.
07:29But the thing is, it was cruel but fair, because when you drive the Phantom, which BMW made, they've captured the essence of Rolls-Royce of that car.
07:39When you drive this, it is brilliant, make no mistake, but it does feel like a big Volkswagen.
07:46All right, but it isn't actually putting anybody off.
07:49And here's the problem. They can make three and a half thousand of these a year. That's all.
07:53They already have three and a half thousand orders for next year, just from America.
07:57I know. And the sort of people who've ordered these things aren't the kind of people who like to be kept waiting.
08:03Bentley was telling me the other night when I ran into a few of them at a party, and they were saying that they've had people phone up saying,
08:08if I don't have my car by Easter, you're not welcome in my restaurant, or you're not welcome in my football club.
08:14They even had one call up and say, if I don't have mine by Christmas, you're not welcome in my country.
08:18Now, imagine you're driving along one day, and suddenly you veer off into a lake. It does happen. Seriously.
08:28Seriously. It does happen. Seriously. Every year in Britain, more people drown in cars than on boating lakes. It's absolutely true.
08:38So, I decided, well, Jeremy and James decided that I should investigate this by drowning myself.
08:47First, stunt coordinator Sean Rogers took me aside for a quiet word.
08:51So, this is not to scare you. It's just to show you how quickly this car could fill up. All right?
09:10OK. Now, if you wait, talking about the water coming in, coming in, coming in.
09:15And that's it. Now it's gone.
09:23That's quick, isn't it? OK. So, you haven't got time to muck about.
09:28Now, obviously, it isn't a good idea to simply drive a car into a lake and see what happens.
09:35Instead, we've got ourselves a tank and some safety divers.
09:38Now, all I need to do is learn some basic diving techniques just in case things go wrong.
09:50Before we did the stunt for real, I had to go underwater to practice the emergency hand signals in case there was a problem and the divers had to give me air.
09:59Then, just to spice things up a bit, they ripped my face mask off without warning.
10:15And sure enough, within seconds, I was breathing water. Not a good start.
10:21And then, to add insult to my likely injuries, I got first sight of my potential coffin.
10:30An F-Reg Vauxhall Carlton. Not even a GSI.
10:34Oh, thank you.
10:35No, thank you.
10:38As the time approached to actually do this, even though I knew I had a host of safety people around me to make sure I was OK, I've got to confess, my nerves were on edge.
10:50OK. I'm swinging above the water.
10:54In a car.
10:58About to have a horrible accident.
11:00A real fear.
11:10A real sense of fear.
11:15OK. Richard, you OK?
11:18I'm OK.
11:20Ready, Fred?
11:22Divers, ready?
11:25OK, stand by.
11:26Five.
11:27Five.
11:28Four.
11:29Three.
11:30Two.
11:31One.
11:32Action.
11:34And...
11:37And we'll find out later if I die.
11:41But first, here's yet another Jaguar concept car.
11:46This one is called the RD6.
11:49It's made almost entirely of aluminium.
11:51It's very light.
11:53And it's powered, remarkably enough, by a turbocharged V6 diesel engine.
11:57But the bit I really like is the inside.
11:59Have a look at this.
12:01Now, have a look at that black leather and all those shiny bits and those red lights down in the footwell.
12:06Now, clearly, a Jaguar designer got completely lashed in a vodka bar and thought, I'll make it look like this then.
12:11So, obviously, there'll be a bouncer on the door telling you you can't come in because you've got trainers on.
12:16It's a gorgeous looking thing.
12:18I think it's fab.
12:19But here's the thing I don't get about Jaguar concept cars.
12:22Two years ago, about then, they showed us the XK180.
12:26And there it is. That was to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like.
12:30But then, last year, they did the R Coupe to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like.
12:38And now they're back again with this to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like.
12:44Now, look, Jaguar, you have made your point.
12:47Just make the car.
12:48Right, let's meet this week's guest.
12:52He's an actor. He's a comedian.
12:54He's responsible for Marian and Jeff, which I just love.
12:57Terrific television programme.
12:59And, if we look down here, I think I'm right in saying, he's the first Welshman we've ever had on.
13:04Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Brydon.
13:16So, um...
13:19Now, we know the Scottish have given us really everything that matters in the world.
13:23Yes.
13:24And it would be cheap to say the Welsh have given us nothing.
13:27Here we go, yes.
13:28No, really, because we were working it out.
13:30Really, the Welsh have given the theatre everybody.
13:33Burton, Zeta Jones, Hopkins.
13:36Yes, but, you see, you forget the big names, the big theatrical media names.
13:42Sian Lloyd, the weather girl.
13:44Yup, she's...
13:46H from Steps.
13:48Is he Welsh as well?
13:49Yeah.
13:50I think H, actually, he's got a sort of mini Graceland now up in North Wales, where he comes from.
13:54And they get up to six or seven visitors a year.
13:58It is an astonishing thing.
13:59When you think about the great performances, it is Hopkins at the National and it is Burton at the Old Vic whatever.
14:06You've not really been there, have you?
14:09You're more famous for your car advertisement voiceovers.
14:13He is.
14:14Every time you hear a car advert on the television, I can pretty much guarantee he is the voice.
14:22How many have you done now?
14:23There's the Ford Mondeo, Tom and Jerry, that was you.
14:25I think that's still running, yeah.
14:27That's still running.
14:28And what were the other ones?
14:29I think the Renault Scenic at the moment.
14:32How does that one go?
14:34I've forgotten it.
14:35Okay, you have to have quiet for it, ready?
14:38In the recent NCAP Euro crash tests, only one car in its class got five stars for safety.
14:45A new Renault Scenic.
14:47And it's him!
14:48Now, Marion and Geoff, I can't tell you how much I love it.
15:01I do, and not just being nice because it's you and you know you're visiting England and everything, I really genuinely love it.
15:08I can't, I just can't miss it.
15:10There's a chap that's telling me here, he's just the same, he just can't miss this thing.
15:14What gave you the idea, have you seen it?
15:16It's basically, you're a sort of minicab driver, graduated now to be a chauffeur, and sit talking about your miserable life.
15:22Well, Keith Barrett is his name, and his wife Marion has left him for a man called Geoff.
15:27So in the first series he was a minicab driver, in the second series he's graduated to become a chauffeur.
15:33And he just sits there telling you about his life, but he always sees the sort of silver lining.
15:39Somebody once said in a newspaper thing, he'd see the silver lining in a mushroom cloud.
15:42He would, and it's just, the thing is, it's not comedy, is it?
15:46I mean, I want to show a clip of Marion and Geoff, because I love it, okay?
15:50And it's the bit where he's explaining what he would do if he were attacked by a terrorist.
15:56So what I do, as a middle ground, I keep it under the seat, it belonged to my dad, it's a machete.
16:08And that's there, as needs be. That's there as needs be, so...
16:18Like that. So I spot trouble. I do keep an eye in the mirror, I look in the mirror.
16:24So here he comes, here comes the terrorist. And I'm down. And I'm there.
16:30The fear is that I knock myself out on the, um, steering wheel.
16:34Or that I inadvertently set off the airbag. Let's just do that one more time.
16:39Relaxed.
16:42Mirror. Mirror. Terrorist. Down! Out! Up!
16:52It's not foolproof.
16:57That's my mum.
17:10For a man who has made his name in a car, and by advertising them, I have to say, no, I'm not going to let you off this.
17:17You have had the most wretched car history of anyone I've ever, ever met.
17:24You start off, where were we? Radio DJ. Nice.
17:28BBC Radio Wales. Good morning.
17:30You bought yourself a Volkswagen Polar.
17:32Brand new.
17:33Brand new? Yeah.
17:34Things going well.
17:36Your next car is a third-hand Vauxhall Carlton.
17:42What of God's name possessed you to do that?
17:45You know, my dad came across it, you know, it was reasonably priced.
17:48It was, it was a big brown Vauxhall Carlton.
17:51Wow!
17:52Wait, let, let me finish.
17:55It was a big brown Vauxhall Carlton.
17:57On the inside was a kind of creamy sort of biscuit colour.
18:01It was velour, the seat.
18:03It was a nice car.
18:04It got me from A to B.
18:05That was not the worst of my cars.
18:07What, you're trying to say the green Sierra?
18:09Yeah, that was the worst of my cars.
18:11That's not what it was.
18:12What possessed you to do that?
18:14My dad came across it, you know, it was a good price.
18:17Did you branch out on your own for the 1992 Ford Escort?
18:22Now, the 1992 Ford Escort, I thought, and I don't know anything about cars,
18:26was quite a sexy little car.
18:27That's obvious.
18:28I quite liked it, actually.
18:30Have you ever actually watched Top Gear?
18:32Because you might...
18:33I've never seen a whole one, no.
18:35It clashes with heartbeat, okay?
18:40I know.
18:41Which goes against you.
18:42But I do make a special effort to watch Marion and Jeff.
18:47You should try and watch one all the way through.
18:51Because after the Escort, you're not going to believe this, ladies and gentlemen.
18:55Oh, I know what you're going to say.
18:56Okay.
18:57A Mitsubishi Charisma.
18:59What on earth did you buy one of those?
19:03Well, my dad came across it.
19:05By this time, my dad was and is working for Mitsubishi.
19:10What did you do to upset your dad so much, though, over the years?
19:14It's that Rob, he's come round, I've got another magnificent car for him.
19:18No, you're a snob.
19:21And make no bones about it.
19:25I want to rescue people from bad cars.
19:28I've already been rescued.
19:29I've got an Audi A4 convertible.
19:31What more do you want?
19:32Well, what's happened to the Charisma?
19:34I've given it to my girlfriend.
19:37So you bought a petrol-end and Audi A4 convertible?
19:40Yeah, yeah.
19:41You see, it's a nice car.
19:42I mean, don't let anyone sit in the back.
19:44Why?
19:45Anyone who sits in the back of a four-seater convertible looks like Hitler.
19:49He was the only man.
19:52Or maybe Mussolini...
19:53He was the only man who looked good in the back of a four-seater convertible.
19:55He was.
19:56You need to just bear that.
19:57If somebody says, oh, I'll go in the back, advise against it.
20:00Advise they go on the bus or something.
20:01Okay.
20:02Now, it is time, I think, to start looking at your performance, really, today.
20:07You're probably, actually, come to think of it, the first person ever to drive that thing.
20:11Yes, it's a nice car.
20:12I can see that.
20:13Yes, yes, yes.
20:14Right.
20:15Can we see how you got on?
20:16Yeah.
20:17Now, I should explain, before we start, we did put the camera today in the Marion and Jeff position for you.
20:24Yeah, on the other side.
20:25So that you were able to, if you felt the need, because we knew you'd be out there some time, getting round the lap, to do a little bit of Marion and Jeff for us.
20:32Here we go.
20:34Well, wheel spin start, first time with wheel spin.
20:37Yeah.
20:38I have to say, all around, a very nice ride.
20:43That's very smooth.
20:48I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that Jeff has got himself one of these as well.
20:55Having a bit of fun, taking the kids out with him, my little smashers, I think they'd have a lovely time together.
21:04All of them chanting in the back, singing songs.
21:12Now, this is where you'll be caught out.
21:14Are you trying to what?
21:15No, you've stayed on line.
21:16Oh, sugar babies.
21:19There we go.
21:21Right, I'm doing 75 miles an hour.
21:27Final corner, Michael Gambon.
21:29Ladies and gentlemen, he's across the line.
21:34You know, before I came on, in my little heart, I'm going, oh, maybe I was quite fast.
21:40I wasn't, was I?
21:41Well, who, where would you like to be?
21:43I'd like to beat Steve, for obvious reasons.
21:45What, Coogan?
21:46Yeah.
21:47Steve Coogan.
21:48Steve Coogan, yes.
21:49He produces your show, and you are mates, I am aware of this.
21:53Well, he did it in 1 minute 54 seconds, soaking wet day, I remember that, absolutely pouring with rain.
21:57But we do say that if it were dry, you go four seconds faster.
22:03So, he's a 1 minute 50.
22:05You'd like to beat him.
22:07Let me tell you something.
22:08Realistically, that was never going to happen, was it?
22:10Oh, don't say that.
22:12But it did.
22:13Seriously?
22:14You went faster than that.
22:16You want to know something more amazing?
22:18You did it in 1 minute 48 seconds.
22:22Seriously?
22:23Seriously?
22:24Seriously?
22:25Seriously?
22:26Seriously?
22:27Fucking hell?
22:28148.6.
22:29Yeah.
22:30Yeah.
22:31It's as spicy as you.
22:33It's okay if Jodie, or Jay, if you're watching, he was .6.
22:35I don't care.
22:36So, actually fits in just there, in third place.
22:37I'm speechless.
22:38Are you really expecting to get a Christmas card from Coogan this year?
22:42I think not.
22:43I'm almost crying.
22:44That is honestly for the worst car buyer we've ever had, one of the greatest drivers, ladies
23:07and gentlemen, Rob Brydon.
23:09Now, earlier, we saw Jeremy driving this Bentley Continental GT,
23:24and he pointed out, quite rightly, that it's as new money as an onyx mug tree.
23:29And that had me wondering, what's the old money being spent on these days?
23:33The British toff. Though rare and endangered, they are easy to identify.
23:44Well done, Rupert.
23:45They are most readily spotted in the countryside, because they own it.
23:50Distinguishing features include their clothing, which used to belong to their parents,
23:54and their characteristic mating call of harumph.
23:57Everything they have, like their families, their titles, and their houses, is very old.
24:05Because toffs don't buy things, they only inherit them.
24:09And this includes their cars, which are oily old bags of bolts, and smell of dogs.
24:16In fact, the aristocracy just doesn't care for spending money on transports.
24:22Let's imagine you're master of all you survey, and it's most of Buckinghamshire.
24:31And let's imagine the time has come to replace the ancestral transport.
24:35Now, this means you're going to have to do something very unaristocratic.
24:39Buy a brand new car.
24:42Well, here it is.
24:43It's the new Subaru Legacy Outback.
24:45So, why this?
24:51Why not something German and obvious?
24:54Well, for a start, it's very discreet.
24:57And your lord and ladyship don't want anything too showy.
25:01Bad form.
25:02Its radiator grille has no real presence.
25:05In fact, it has the look of a car you could lose in a station car park.
25:09And that's just perfect.
25:10Perfect.
25:15Secondly, the Outback is tough and well-built, so it can be handed on from generation to generation.
25:22It has an excellent four-wheel drive system and good ground clearance, which is useful,
25:27because the drive up to the house was built by William the Conqueror, and it's a bit rough.
25:33And just look at these materials.
25:36Look at this gear knob.
25:37It's going to take years for the dog to chew its way through that lot.
25:40I heard a story recently about a landed lady who bought one of these for her farm manager.
25:47But when she tried it, she decided, it's far too good for him.
25:52So she kept it.
25:54Charlie!
25:55Come on.
25:56And frankly, that's as it should be, because the knobs have always liked Subaru, and there's a good reason for that.
26:03When the first ones came to Britain in 1977, there were no dealers, so they were sold alongside muck spreaders and tractors at farm equipment showrooms,
26:13just the sort of place where the landed gentry hangs out.
26:18This also meant they didn't have to go into town and visit a car dealership, where they might have had to mingle with the proletariat.
26:25Now, to be honest, previous legacies were a bit agricultural.
26:36They had harsh interiors and rather lumpen engines.
26:41But this new one is much, much more sophisticated.
26:44Now, that's probably not of much concern to the posh people up in the big manor house,
26:48but it makes it much more appealing to those of us in the grasping lower orders.
26:55Now, Lord Bufton, he doesn't really care that the engine is a brand-new 3-litre flat-six.
27:04But, of course, we do, because it's smoother and more powerful than the old four-cylinder donkey engine you used to get.
27:10He probably also won't notice that the interior is now much smarter,
27:15because what's the point when it'll all be eaten by the dog anyway?
27:19But the rest of us are actually chuffed a bit in our small-minded and aspirational sort of way,
27:24because the interior of this car used to be very basic and hosed down,
27:27but now look at it. It's like a Honda.
27:30And look at these gadgets.
27:31This is one of the finest satellite navigation systems I've ever used.
27:36Mind you, it's a bit pointless if you really are an aristocrat,
27:38because then you'd own a whole county, and you can't fit that on the screen.
27:42I almost forgot to tell you what it's like to drive.
27:52Well, I quite like it, actually. It's relaxing, and it's unstressful.
27:58Agreeable is probably the right word.
28:00Nothing more than that, but that'll be plenty.
28:03Finally, we come to the vulgar business of money.
28:08This car will cost £28,000, which seems a lot.
28:13But then again, it's expected to last for several hundred years.
28:18One day it will be very old and battered and probably a bit whiffy.
28:23But it'll be around long after socialism
28:25and the fox-hunting ban have been completely forgotten.
28:28Maybe the aristocrats aren't quite as daft as they look.
28:33They don't spend money very often,
28:35and when they do, they spend it very carefully.
28:39Once every few generations, they might get a new coat,
28:42or have the roof done, or buy a car.
28:45This should be all the car they'll ever need.
28:48An I-nose replace, so it'll do for me as well.
28:54This is the biggest survey ever undertaken
28:56into how satisfied you are with your car.
29:00How reliable it is, how good the dealer is to you, the lot.
29:03And I think we had, what, 43,000 responses to this.
29:08And there are 137 cars in it,
29:10and I'd just like to point out that the Subaru Legacy,
29:13the old one admittedly, came 10th.
29:15Which is very good.
29:16It's very good, but it's not surprising.
29:19What is surprising is the car that came first,
29:23out of all 137.
29:24Not the Lexus?
29:25No, not the Lexus.
29:27Lexus always win.
29:27Not this time, because it is the Jaguar XJ.
29:31There's one over there.
29:32That's incredible.
29:33And it didn't just do well.
29:34It did astonishingly well.
29:36It got the maximum five points in nearly everything,
29:39apart from practicality, I think,
29:40and it got four in that anyway.
29:41So that's brilliant.
29:43One thing even more amazing than that, though, okay?
29:46Anyone want to hazard a guess at what came last?
29:49The least reliable, nastiest car where the dealers really hate you.
29:54Want to hazard a guess?
29:56Vauxhall.
29:56Vauxhall.
29:57No, completely wrong.
29:58It is the Volkswagen Charan.
30:01The horrible people carrier.
30:02If only everything in life was reliable as a Volkswagen,
30:05you'd never get on another plane as long as you live.
30:07Your dog would die every 15 minutes.
30:10This whole survey throws up some fascinating stuff,
30:13like the Porsche 911, a favourite car of mine,
30:16known for its somewhat scary handling sometimes.
30:2096% of 911 owners in this survey
30:23claim to be absolutely satisfied with their car's handling,
30:27which is very good.
30:29It leaves 4%, and they probably were entirely satisfied
30:32with the handling of their 911 right up until they hit the tree.
30:35Then they've changed it.
30:36Yeah, but think of it this way.
30:38The people who got their bone marrow and their eyes
30:40are very satisfied with their problem.
30:43Let's just run this one round the room.
30:47Let's just find out.
30:48What do you drive, sir?
30:50A 355.
30:51A Ferrari.
30:52There's an interesting statistic on Ferrari.
30:54What is it, James?
30:5590% of people who said they had a Ferrari were lying.
31:08It's true.
31:10Honest, it's true.
31:11People were actually filling in the form,
31:13and then we checked everything,
31:14or the company that did it,
31:15checked everything with the DVLA.
31:1790% hadn't got a Ferrari.
31:20And you think,
31:20why did you do that?
31:22What did you think some really un-beautiful girl
31:25was going to,
31:25ooh, there's a bloke here with a Ferrari.
31:26I'll ring you.
31:27It's a computer.
31:29What have you got?
31:31Golf Mark 4.
31:32A Mark 4 Golf.
31:34Now, there's an interesting one on the Golf, isn't there?
31:35Yeah.
31:36Now, there's a lot of cars based around the Golf.
31:38You know, all the Seats,
31:39the Beetle,
31:40the Audi A3,
31:41the Audi TT,
31:42some Scodas.
31:42They're all Golfs,
31:43with different bodies and different badges, okay?
31:46Yeah.
31:46Now, which do you think is the worst
31:48of all the Golf-based cars?
31:51Scoda.
31:52It's the Golf.
31:53You're right.
31:53The worst Golf is a Golf.
31:56If you want to buy a Golf,
31:57don't get a Golf.
31:58That's basically what we've learned
32:00from this survey.
32:02It's a beard.
32:03Subaru Impreza.
32:04There's always one, isn't there?
32:08Every single week,
32:09we come down here,
32:10and there's a fleet of Subarus.
32:11Do you want to know where it came?
32:12Yeah, go on.
32:13Fifteen.
32:14Fifteenth most reliable car.
32:16So not as good as the Outback.
32:17Why?
32:18Is it not reliable?
32:19No, I keep mucking it up.
32:20You keep mucking it up.
32:21I'm part of your group of,
32:22I've messed up my car
32:24with a stupidly big exhaust as well.
32:26Oh, really?
32:26How big are we talking?
32:28Four inches.
32:29Do girls come running up to you?
32:30No.
32:30Not with that beard, actually.
32:34Silly question.
32:35Sorry.
32:35What have you got?
32:35A Passat.
32:36A Volkswagen Passat.
32:38Well, exactly.
32:41What a man.
32:42Where's it come?
32:43Seventy-eighth.
32:44Seventy-eighth, yeah.
32:46Seventy-eighth most reliable cars.
32:47And actually,
32:48while we're on the subject
32:49of this German business,
32:50there's a chap over here
32:51who I was talking to earlier,
32:52okay,
32:53you've got a...
32:54SL.
32:55A Mercedes.
32:56Mm-hmm.
32:56Mercedes, okay?
32:58Now, they are a byword
32:59for durability.
33:01Where's yours?
33:03Well, it's gone to have its MOT today,
33:04but unfortunately,
33:05they did a pair up this morning,
33:06and it broke down
33:07on the way to Cheney-Perslo
33:08in Guildford.
33:09So it broke down
33:10on the way to the dealer.
33:11This is not the first time.
33:13Mercedes,
33:13do you want to know
33:14where the best Mercedes came?
33:16The highest place Mercedes was?
33:2157th.
33:21And if you look at the bottom
33:2310 or 11 places,
33:24okay,
33:24the bottom 10 or 11,
33:26that's where you normally find
33:27the Alphas and the Renaults
33:28and the Citroens.
33:29You find the M-Class,
33:31the A-Class,
33:32and the C-Class.
33:34Now, earlier on,
33:35we left me dangling above
33:36a tank of water
33:37in a large Vauxhall,
33:39which, interestingly,
33:39came in 74th in the survey.
33:42I can testify in a way
33:43that it lets water in.
33:44Now, this theory runs
33:45that you're supposed
33:46to sit in the car
33:47and let it fill up with water
33:49until the pressure equalises
33:50and you can open the door
33:51and get out.
33:52Well, let's see
33:53what really happened.
33:55Five,
33:56four,
33:57three,
33:58two,
33:59one,
33:59action!
34:04We're now on the water.
34:06Now, surprisingly,
34:07it's sinking fast
34:08from the back.
34:09I didn't expect that.
34:09I can hear the water
34:10coming in.
34:12It's around my feet.
34:14It's a very strange feeling.
34:16I feel the panic
34:17rising with the water.
34:18You can hear it
34:19in my voice.
34:20It's around my ankles.
34:21You'll think
34:21the central locking
34:23is going crazy.
34:25Now I can see
34:26the water at the glass
34:27and that is scary.
34:28It's coming up to my stomach.
34:30It's controlling panic.
34:32I'm starting to get
34:33my breaths ready
34:34and I'm leaning a lot as well.
34:36I'm going to save
34:36the last bit of air
34:37because there's no good
34:40thinking you can sit
34:41in here for ages.
34:42I'm going to have
34:43to take my last breath.
34:44We're going very sideways.
34:47This is very frightening.
34:48Now remember,
34:58the theory goes
34:59that as soon as the car
35:01fills with water,
35:02the pressure should be equalized
35:03and the doors
35:04should open easily.
35:06But as the car sank,
35:08no matter how hard I tried,
35:09I couldn't open the door.
35:11It was 30 seconds
35:17since I'd taken my last breath.
35:1930 seconds since I should
35:20have been able
35:21to open that door.
35:23But still,
35:23it wouldn't budge.
35:25I realized
35:26I wasn't going to get out.
35:27eventually the car
35:36hit the bottom of the tank,
35:37but it still took
35:38more pressure seconds
35:39for the water pressure
35:40to equalize.
35:41Only then
35:42could I open the door
35:43and escape.
35:44If it was for real,
35:53I'm pretty sure
35:54I would have drowned.
36:00So,
36:01so did you die
36:03in the making of that film?
36:05Oh, yeah.
36:05If it was real,
36:06yes, I did.
36:07And the thing is,
36:08it was very lucky
36:09you were in the GL model
36:10because that was the one
36:10that did come with the diver
36:11in the back seat
36:12with the aqualung.
36:13Yeah.
36:13If it had been in hell,
36:15that would have been in curtains.
36:16I've just got to get
36:17straight in my head.
36:18If the thing's sinking,
36:21you have to wait
36:21for it to get to the bottom.
36:23Yes, because as it sinks,
36:24there's always greater pressure
36:24on the outside, basically.
36:26It doesn't catch up
36:27until it stays at the same point.
36:27So you have to wait
36:28for it to get to the bottom,
36:29then you can get out.
36:30And then the pressure
36:30slowly equalizes
36:31and you can get out and swim.
36:32Which is all right
36:33if it's what,
36:335, 10 feet deep?
36:34Yeah, I mean,
36:35it could be 150 feet.
36:36So that advice
36:37goes out the window, basically.
36:38And Ross Burnais say,
36:40if you do drive into the water,
36:42get out as fast as you can.
36:44Don't mess about.
36:45So I gave that a go as well.
36:46Did you die that time?
36:48Well, let's find out.
36:505, 4, 3, 2, 1, 8.
36:54OK, we're going in
36:55from a big drop this time.
36:56Straight in the water.
36:57Now we'll try the windows.
36:59Nothing.
36:59I'm going to try to talk.
37:00It's very difficult.
37:06Well, I went for the windows.
37:10As the advice says,
37:12nothing doing.
37:13And it sank quickly
37:14at that time.
37:15But I went to the door
37:16straight away
37:16and as I tried it,
37:19I feel like I've wrenched my arm.
37:20It started OK.
37:21As soon as the car
37:21started to descend,
37:23you could just feel it.
37:24It was just getting harder to do.
37:26So there you go.
37:26If you do drive into the drink,
37:27according to my experience
37:28and what Ross Burnais says,
37:30just get out as fast as you can.
37:31Now can we do something important?
37:33Yes.
37:33The Cool War.
37:33Oh, yes.
37:34A lot of cars.
37:35We've done a lot of cars
37:37in the last few weeks.
37:38We haven't put them up.
37:39We're going to start
37:40with the Bentley Continental GT.
37:43Where do we think?
37:47Cool.
37:48No, it's cool.
37:50OK, well, thank you all
37:52for your opinion.
37:53It's cool.
37:54It is cool.
37:55Ah-ha.
37:56However, with a proviso,
37:58as soon as you open
37:59your copy of the Sun newspaper
38:01and you see that Mr. Beckham
38:02has taken delivery of his,
38:04it's on its way down.
38:06But for now,
38:07since he doesn't have one,
38:09it's a cool car.
38:10The BMW M3 CSL.
38:13You drove it.
38:13It is a fantastic car.
38:15Sub-Zero.
38:16Sub-Zero.
38:17What do we think?
38:17Anyone else?
38:18Sub-Zero.
38:19Sub-Zero.
38:20All of them totally wrong.
38:22How could it be cool
38:23if you have to explain
38:25that's my carbon roof?
38:26That is not cool.
38:28That is going to be bought
38:29by the sort of man
38:30who lies awake at night
38:31thinking of his gear shift
38:33aggression strategy
38:34for the drive to work
38:35the next day.
38:36This is not just
38:38uncool like an M3.
38:40That is...
38:41It is true.
38:44That is true.
38:46It's true.
38:47Now then,
38:48Ford GT,
38:49the new one.
38:50That's a tricky one.
38:52Let me hear,
38:52let me hear some opinions
38:53on this.
38:54What do you think?
38:55Sub-Zero.
38:55Sub-Zero?
38:56Sub-Zero.
38:57Sub-Zero.
38:58No, we've got one over here.
38:59Seriously uncool.
39:00It needs to be in
39:00light blue and orange.
39:02I'll be Sub-Zero.
39:03Okay,
39:03if it were light blue and orange,
39:04you're referring to the
39:05Gulf colours.
39:06Absolutely.
39:06I can match your
39:07anorak levels here easily.
39:09Then it would be okay.
39:10It would be Sub-Zero.
39:11Sub-Zero,
39:12if you get the colours right,
39:13it's a good point.
39:13Anyone over here
39:14got opinions on the Ford GT?
39:17It's a very cool car.
39:18Very cool?
39:18Very cool.
39:19Very cool.
39:20Pretty cool.
39:20Not a democracy here.
39:22No, you're wrong!
39:23No,
39:23that's wrong.
39:24Now, look,
39:25if this were a Ferrari,
39:26I think we'd,
39:27well,
39:27I'd be with you,
39:28they might disagree,
39:29but it's not a Ferrari.
39:30It's got a kind of
39:31retro something,
39:32it's like those
39:3370 shades with the
39:34holes down the side
39:34and the big,
39:35it's cool.
39:36That is a cool car.
39:37If you were to turn up
39:38to someone's house
39:39in a red American car
39:40with white stripes
39:41down the side,
39:42they'd pretend to be out.
39:45You're talking about
39:46the Starsky and Hutch car.
39:48This is a retro supercar.
39:50It's essentially cool.
39:53Right.
39:54There is just one
40:01proviso on that.
40:02If I buy one,
40:04it'll be moving up a bit.
40:05Funny,
40:05that.
40:06All right.
40:06Funny,
40:07that.
40:07Right,
40:07here's one that I drove
40:08and this is a truly
40:09awesome car.
40:11The Porsche 911 GT3.
40:14Fabulous!
40:14Uncool.
40:15Why is this uncool?
40:17It's just a 911.
40:18It's all 911s are uncool.
40:20Oh,
40:20now,
40:20you're just dumb.
40:21You think?
40:21I think 911s suck.
40:23I like some of what
40:24this audience is saying.
40:25No,
40:25they're uncool.
40:26Go somewhere else,
40:27Jeremy,
40:27they'll.
40:28Super cool.
40:29Thank you,
40:30sir.
40:30He's coming in all black
40:31rugby shirt.
40:33Go to the back.
40:36What do you think,
40:37girls?
40:38Seriously cool.
40:39Seriously?
40:39Seriously cool.
40:40Seriously cool.
40:41How interesting that the
40:42girls are wrong
40:43and the blokes
40:44have got it right.
40:45I mean,
40:45it's a brilliant car,
40:47but it's got no backseat.
40:49It's just got a load
40:50of scaffolding
40:51and roll bars.
40:51You'll have to explain it.
40:53Let me put it to you
40:53this way.
40:54I come to take you out
40:54in one of these
40:55one night.
40:55Okay,
40:55you say to me,
40:56why has it got all
40:57that scaffolding
40:58in the backseat
40:58and the ironmongering?
40:59I'd have to explain
41:00that to you.
41:01How interesting
41:01do you think
41:02that'd be?
41:02Very.
41:03Oh,
41:04I'll go out
41:04with you.
41:07Fine.
41:07You see,
41:07the thing is...
41:08You'd make
41:09the second date.
41:09Can we now...
41:24Can we move on?
41:26Can we just talk
41:27about People Curious
41:28for a while?
41:29Obviously.
41:29Oh, my word.
41:30All of them
41:31are uncool.
41:32If you buy a People...
41:32Anyone got one?
41:33You have.
41:34Basically,
41:35what you're saying
41:35about yourself,
41:36Sir,
41:36is you've had your
41:36children and now
41:37you're just waiting
41:37to die.
41:38Yeah.
41:39However,
41:41the Renault Espace
41:42here is cool.
41:45It is.
41:45It just...
41:46It's what?
41:47Very, very ugly.
41:48Are you a policewoman?
41:50Yes.
41:50Ah.
41:51That's how I was
41:52saying.
41:52It's very, very cool.
41:54Because I can do
41:55that in here.
41:57However,
41:57the moment
41:58you've all been
41:59waiting for,
42:00it's the new
42:015 Series.
42:03Right.
42:04Let's just see
42:05run around the room
42:05on it.
42:06What do you reckon?
42:07Seriously uncool.
42:08Seriously uncool?
42:09Quite uncool.
42:10Quite uncool?
42:11Cool.
42:12Cool.
42:13Do you play golf?
42:14Yes.
42:15Do you play golf?
42:16Yes.
42:16Yep.
42:17That's the problem.
42:20This car will be bought
42:21almost entirely
42:22by people
42:23who play golf.
42:24Ergo...
42:25Sorry.
42:26However,
42:34this car has given
42:35the world a problem
42:36because, you see,
42:38for years,
42:38I know loads of people
42:39who've always had
42:405 Series BMWs.
42:41They've all looked at this
42:41and went,
42:42that is so ugly,
42:43there's no way
42:44I'm going to have one.
42:45So it leaves them a problem.
42:46What do they buy?
42:47Well, eventually,
42:49they're going to have to
42:49have something done
42:50with their teeth.
42:51And while the dentist
42:52has got his bit
42:53in their mouths,
42:55he's going to say,
42:56I've got a Saab.
42:57All dentists have Saab,
42:59okay?
42:59All...
43:00And graphic designers
43:01all have them
43:01and all architects
43:02have them
43:02and all Stephen Fry's
43:03have them.
43:04And when you ask someone
43:05who's got a Saab why,
43:07you always get the same
43:08patronising smile.
43:10Like,
43:11they know something
43:12we don't,
43:13okay?
43:14And I think
43:15I've worked out
43:15what it is,
43:16okay?
43:17I think it's because
43:18they spend all day
43:19doing root canals.
43:21Then when they drive home,
43:22they think,
43:23I'm not a dentist.
43:25I'm Chuck Yeager.
43:31Saab has been telling us
43:33for years
43:33that their cars
43:34are jets
43:35with number plates.
43:38The message is clear.
43:40Buy a 9-5
43:40and you'll be able
43:41to blast a hole
43:42in a sound barrier
43:43and manoeuvre up
43:44your own tailpipe.
43:48Really?
43:49I mean,
43:50do jet fighters
43:51have hand brakes,
43:52for instance,
43:53or ignition keys
43:54down here,
43:54or electric windows,
43:55or a cup holder?
43:57I actually asked
43:58a bloke from Saab
43:58the other day
43:59what elements
44:00of this
44:01come from
44:02the aeronautical
44:03industry.
44:03And all he could
44:04come up with
44:05was this
44:05night panel button
44:07on the dashboard,
44:08which turns all the lights
44:09and most of the dials off
44:11at night.
44:13That's it.
44:15That's handy
44:16if you want to line up
44:17for a bombing run
44:18on a Soviet nuclear submarine base,
44:21but of limited use
44:22on the A-38
44:23just outside
44:24Burton-on-Trent.
44:26There are other differences, too.
44:29The plane takes off
44:31at 137 miles an hour.
44:33The car doesn't.
44:35The plane is made by Saab.
44:37The car is made
44:38by General Motors.
44:39And finally,
44:42the plane uses
44:43a Volvo engine.
44:46Now, what I'd like
44:46to do at this point
44:47to demonstrate
44:48the difference
44:49between car and plane
44:50even more
44:51is bolt the Stig
44:53into the Saab here
44:54and have him race
44:55a fighter jet
44:56round our track.
44:58The trouble is,
44:59can you imagine
45:00ringing up the Royal Navy
45:01and saying,
45:02hello, I'm from that
45:02pokey motoring program
45:04on BBC Two.
45:04Would it be possible
45:06to borrow one
45:06of your Sea Harriers?
45:08You can imagine
45:09what the response
45:10would be.
45:12Yes, they were there
45:13in a jiffy.
45:14So, top-of-the-range
45:15Saab 95 Hot Arrow
45:17versus Sea Harrier
45:19FA2.
45:22And they're off.
45:232.3 litre,
45:24250 horsepower turbo
45:25against 21,500
45:27of jet thrust.
45:29Harriers off the ground
45:30and already doing
45:31200 miles an hour.
45:32Saab's up to 58.
45:35The plane's pulling
45:366G in the corners
45:37and the car's still
45:38lumbering down
45:39the first straight.
45:41That's another
45:42corner dispatch.
45:44And the pilot,
45:45yes, I think he's
45:45already got the finish line
45:47in his crosshairs.
45:48And the car,
45:48yes, well,
45:49here it comes
45:49up to the second corner
45:51which is Chicago.
45:53A little bit of
45:54understeer on the way in
45:55and lots and lots
45:56of understeer
45:57on the way out.
45:58And the plane,
45:59yes, there it goes
45:59across the finishing line.
46:05It's Ryder the Valkyries
46:06or, as he knows it,
46:08the music from
46:08the Pirelli advert.
46:11We're going to follow
46:11through.
46:12But he's quick.
46:13He is quick.
46:14Stegg's not giving up.
46:15I like to see that
46:16in a man.
46:17But he's nearly lost it
46:18going into Canberra.
46:19He's just held it.
46:21And across the...
46:22Oh, look,
46:22the plane's waiting for him.
46:23That's nice.
46:24What about that?
46:32Well done.
46:33Brilliant.
46:34The pilot did go a bit
46:35wide in some of the corners,
46:37didn't he?
46:37He did go wide.
46:38He did say,
46:38with a Harrier,
46:39it would be possible
46:40to actually follow
46:41the confines of the track
46:43and it would still be
46:44faster than the car.
46:45But we said,
46:46no, no, no, no,
46:46go for it.
46:47So he did run a bit wide.
46:48I mean, over this corner,
46:49he was over Brighton,
46:50around here,
46:50it was Oxford.
46:51Coming around that one,
46:52he actually hit Edinburgh.
46:54But I have the time.
46:55You want to know?
46:56Go on.
46:5931.2 seconds.
47:01So,
47:02if you could pop that up
47:04for us there, Richard.
47:05Go on.
47:09Thank you very much.
47:11That's the new...
47:13That's the new fastest
47:16thing whenever
47:18to go around our track.
47:19I might laugh
47:19to get that record.
47:20Right, the car,
47:21137.9.
47:24That's nearly
47:25a second and a half
47:25slower
47:26than a Honda Civic.
47:28Ah.
47:29Which takes us back
47:30to the original question.
47:32Why do those people
47:33who have SARBs
47:34have that smile
47:35on their face?
47:37Well,
47:38I went back out there
47:39to find out.
47:44To drive,
47:45it's nice
47:46in a quiet,
47:46relaxing,
47:47non-jet-fighter
47:48sort of way.
47:49middle-of-the-road
47:50motoring
47:51from the country
47:51that invented
47:52middle-of-the-road
47:53pop.
47:56It costs
47:5727,000 pounds,
47:59not quite as much
48:00as you'd pay
48:00for the German
48:01alternatives,
48:02but not a bargain
48:03either.
48:07Inside,
48:07I can find
48:08very little
48:09that would put
48:10that smile
48:11on the face
48:12of the graphic
48:12designers
48:13and the architects
48:14and the dentists
48:15who buy these things.
48:16The thing I like
48:17most of all
48:18is this satellite
48:18navigation system.
48:19You get a touch screen
48:20and it lets you
48:22choose your language
48:23and it can have
48:23English UK
48:25and English US
48:28sort of exactly
48:29the same
48:29but with extra
48:30adenoids.
48:34I also like
48:35the performance.
48:38Like all the fastest
48:39Euroboxes,
48:40it gets from 0
48:41to 60
48:41in 6 or so seconds
48:43and keeps on
48:44going
48:44to 155.
48:49The only trouble
48:50is that to get
48:50that level of
48:51performance
48:52from a big car
48:53you need
48:54a lot of power
48:54and that's okay
48:55with a Mercedes
48:56or a Jaguar
48:57or a BMW
48:58because they're
48:59rear-wheel drive
48:59but this
49:00isn't.
49:04An engineer
49:04at Saab
49:05once told me
49:06that the absolute
49:07limit for a
49:08front-wheel drive
49:08car is 220
49:10brake horsepower.
49:12This has
49:13250.
49:17The limit
49:18is just
49:19hysterical.
49:19It's like
49:20driving a
49:20fast,
49:21bouncy car
49:22so
49:22if you push
49:24too hard
49:25in a corner
49:25you just go
49:26into a world
49:27of smoke
49:28and brimstone.
49:37And then
49:37you come out
49:38of the corner
49:38on the other
49:39side
49:39and everything's
49:41fine.
49:42Except you
49:42need some
49:42new tyres.
49:47This car
49:48has a
49:48five-star
49:49safety rating.
49:50That's the top.
49:52But I suspect
49:52it has nothing
49:53to do with
49:54the strength
49:55of the passenger
49:56cell or the
49:57energy absorbance
49:58of the front
49:58and everything
49:59to do with
49:59the fact
50:00it's almost
50:02impossible to
50:03crash it.
50:07So to sum up
50:09it has
50:09foolproof handling,
50:10it's quite fast,
50:11quite good looking
50:12and it's quite hard
50:14to think why
50:14anyone would buy
50:15this instead
50:16of a Merc.
50:21Perhaps though
50:22I'm missing
50:22something.
50:23Perhaps it's
50:24at the cutting
50:24edge in some
50:25other unusual
50:26way.
50:35Somehow I doubt
50:37it.
50:37You see,
50:37this car is part
50:38Vauxhall Vectra,
50:40part Saab 9000.
50:42And the 9000 is so
50:43old that I think I'm
50:44right in saying
50:45Helen of Troy had
50:46one.
50:47I think that was the
50:48car that the
50:48suspension was made
50:49out of myrrh.
50:53You have to dig
50:54very deep to find
50:55the point of this
50:56car, but it's
50:57worth it.
50:59Because it's
51:00there all right.
51:04Firstly, it's
51:05eco-friendly.
51:06The trees hug it
51:07as it goes by.
51:10And then there's
51:10the mid-range
51:11clout.
51:12The rate this
51:12thing goes in
51:13second gear from
51:1440 to 70 miles
51:15an hour is just...
51:17That is
51:20sensational.
51:22For overtaking a
51:24lorry, never mind
51:25a 5 series BMW,
51:26this will do it
51:27quicker than a
51:28Porsche 911 Turbo.
51:37So there you are,
51:38the Saab 9.5,
51:40good in parts,
51:42better in others.
51:45What a nice
51:46programme it was
51:47tonight.
51:48Really was.
51:49And a nice
51:49sign, I really
51:50like that.
51:51I drove a really
51:52nice Subaru.
51:53Exactly.
51:54I didn't drown,
51:55which is nice.
51:56And we have the
51:56lovely Bentley.
51:57That was very nice.
51:58Most of all,
51:58though, we have
51:59some fantastic
51:59people here.
52:00I want you to give
52:01them a round of
52:01applause for the
52:01HMS Invincible
52:02abroad, the
52:03Harrier.
52:05And that's all
52:06we've got time for,
52:07I'm afraid.
52:07See you next week.
52:08Bye.
52:09Hit the road again
52:14next Sunday at the
52:15same time.
52:16Well, next
52:16tonight on BBC
52:17Prime, Robert
52:18Winston taps into
52:19the human mind to
52:20establish how it
52:21makes us who we
52:22are.
52:22This has been a
52:36special Produktions
52:36ofSL.com.
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