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00:25Oh, it's a lovely part of the world, isn't it?
00:28All those beautiful trees and fields and variety of birds.
00:34Yes, that's true.
00:36And you can just go there and get away from it all,
00:39away from the hell to skelter of modern life,
00:41because we all do need our solitude, don't we?
00:46Yes, we do.
00:47I mean, nowadays it's not easy to find the time to, I don't know,
00:52enjoy life, because there's always things to do.
00:54It's all so hectic, isn't it?
00:56All of us just rushing around, letting things get on top of us.
01:00And quite honestly, what's the point?
01:03Have you finished?
01:04Um, yes.
01:05My wife...
01:06I think those prawns might be a bit off.
01:08Oh, I don't think so.
01:09Well, they do taste rather funny.
01:11Well, no-one else has complained.
01:12Well, I really do think they're off.
01:14But you've eaten half of them.
01:16Well, I didn't notice at the start.
01:18You didn't notice at the start?
01:19No, but it was a sauce. I wasn't sure.
01:21So you ate half to make sure?
01:23Look, my wife brings them off.
01:25Well, what am I... Do you want another first course?
01:26No, thank you.
01:27Well, you're sure?
01:28No, really. I'll just have the main.
01:30Well, we'll... Cancel it.
01:31Cancel it? Oh, deduct it from the bill. Is that what you mean?
01:33As it's inedible.
01:34Well, only half of it's inedible, apparently.
01:37Well, deduct half now.
01:38And if my wife brings the other half up during the night,
01:41we'll claim the balance in the morning.
01:43Now we'd like our last, please.
01:45Well, three, we know, have passed on this year,
01:48all in their early 60s.
01:50So I've cut out butter,
01:52and I'll test what it was like.
01:56No, really.
01:57It's all right.
01:59But it's all brussels.
02:01No, no, no, honestly.
02:02Oh, there's a nice bit, see?
02:05Oh, Doris, it's all...
02:07Oh, no, dear. It's not as bad as that.
02:09I've had worse.
02:11I don't know how they get away with it.
02:13Everything all right?
02:14Oh, dear, Sarah.
02:17Everything to your satisfaction?
02:18Oh, yes, thank you.
02:21Why don't you say something?
02:23Well, there's no point, is there.
02:24We just won't come here again.
02:25Then I'll say something.
02:27Look, it won't do any good.
02:28We're leaving tomorrow.
02:29Well, I'm going to.
02:30I mean, we've been sitting here waiting for nearly half an hour,
02:33and it...
02:34Oh.
02:36What's this?
02:36See?
02:37Look, I ordered the cold meat salad,
02:39and I've been waiting about half an hour for it.
02:41Salad?
02:41Yes.
02:42You want change?
02:43No, no, no.
02:44I don't want to change.
02:45Okay.
02:45No, no, no.
02:46Where are you going?
02:46No, no.
02:47I don't want this.
02:49You say you no want change?
02:50I want the salad.
02:54Oh, sir.
02:55Go on.
02:56Oh, excuse me.
02:57Yes?
02:57Look, we've been waiting here for about half an hour now.
03:00I mean, I gave the waiter our order.
03:02Oh, him, he's hopeless, isn't he?
03:03Yeah, well, I don't wish to complain,
03:05but when he does bring something, he's got it wrong.
03:07Well, you think I don't know?
03:08I mean, you only have to eat here.
03:10We have to live with it.
03:11I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona,
03:14but you can't get the staff, you see.
03:15It's a nightmare.
03:17You were supposed to be complaining to him.
03:34Sorry about that.
03:35Very good.
03:37Oh, no, sure.
03:41No, excuse me.
04:06There's sugar in the salt cellar.
04:13Anything else?
04:15I've put it all over the place.
04:17All over the place?
04:18What were you doing with it?
04:20All over the place.
04:23Polly, would you ask Terry not to finish it?
04:25We need another one of these.
04:26There is sugar on it.
04:27What a sweet place.
04:29What?
04:29I'll have it replaced.
04:30Well, why is there sugar in this salt cellar?
04:32What do you think we'd pay you for?
04:33My staying power.
04:34For labs.
04:35Yes, yes, I'm getting them.
04:37I'm getting them.
04:40Excuse me.
04:41Yes?
04:41I'm sorry, but do you think we could cancel our food salads?
04:46Well, it's a little tricky.
04:47Chef's just opened the tin.
04:49Oh.
04:50Well, never mind.
04:51I'm sure it'll be very nice.
04:53There we are.
04:54Oh, thank you.
04:55Oh, yes, I do like really beautiful places.
04:59Busy this evening, isn't it?
05:01I tell you one of my favourites.
05:03I said it's busy this evening.
05:05I'm talking to Mr Libs and Basil.
05:06Good.
05:07Well, that's a help.
05:07I'm sure you can cope.
05:09Oh, yes, I can cope, dear.
05:10Coping's easy.
05:11Not pureeing your loved ones.
05:12That's the difficult part.
05:14Did you know Biddeford Bridge has all different sides?
05:17Yes, there's somewhat of reception, dear.
05:18Should I get it?
05:19Yes.
05:19It's my turn, is it?
05:20Fine.
05:21Yes.
05:21Oh, yes.
05:22So it is.
05:22Yes.
05:22Funny it's been my turn for 15 years.
05:24Still, when I'm dead, it'll be your turn, dear.
05:27You'll be it.
05:28Excuse me.
05:29There are two lambs here.
05:31I'll have them removed if they're bothering you.
05:35Yes.
05:36Good evening.
05:38Are those ours?
05:40Not yet.
05:41Good evening.
05:42I reserved a room by telephone this morning.
05:45Mr and Mrs Hamilton.
05:46Indeed, yes.
05:47I remember it well.
05:49Ah, excellent.
05:50Hamilton, yes.
05:51That's right.
05:52Well, may I welcome you to Fawlty Towers?
05:53Fawlty Towers, I trust your stay will be an enjoyable and a gracious one.
05:57Could we have those now?
05:58Oh, by all means.
06:01Finish with them, have you?
06:02Absolutely.
06:04Bon appétit.
06:08I recommend the self-service here.
06:11It's excellent.
06:11Oh, thank you.
06:12What?
06:12Your lambs will be getting cold, Mr Johnston.
06:15Colder?
06:16If you'd like them warmed up.
06:18Forget it.
06:19You could get your wife to sit on them.
06:24I'm so sorry for the rubbish we get in here.
06:26Now, if you'd be so very kind as to fill that form out, Mr and Mrs Hamilton.
06:31Ah, yes.
06:32Now, we put you in room 12, which has a charming panoramic view overlooking the lawn.
06:39What a driver.
06:41Everything on the wrong side of the road, the weather.
06:44What do you get for living in a climate like this?
06:46Green stamps, it's terrible.
06:49Sorry about this.
06:50Took five hours from London.
06:52Couldn't find the freeway.
06:53Had to take a little backstreet called the M5.
06:56Oh, I'm sorry if it wasn't wide enough for you.
06:57A lot of the English cars have steering wheels.
07:02They do, do they?
07:03You wouldn't think there was room for them inside.
07:06See what I mean?
07:08What?
07:09A rubbish.
07:11May I introduce my husband?
07:17All the rubbish we get in here.
07:18Look at that.
07:20Basil?
07:21More rubbish, dear.
07:22What?
07:22More of that bloody rubbish.
07:25Harley and Manuel are going, Basil.
07:27Yes, just eating with Mr and Mrs Hamilton, dear.
07:28Good evening.
07:29Good evening.
07:30Manuel!
07:31Manuel will bring your bags to your rooms.
07:33I hope you enjoy your stay and...
07:35Do we need to reserve a table for dinner?
07:37Dinner?
07:38Yes.
07:39Problem?
07:40Well, it is after nine.
07:42So?
07:42Well, we do actually stop serving at nine.
07:44Nine.
07:45Well, look, if you could go straight in.
07:46Just here for five hours to get here.
07:48We like to freshen up, maybe have a drink first, you know.
07:50Yes.
07:51You couldn't do that afterwards?
07:53Do what?
07:53Well, uh...
07:54You mean have our drink before dinner, after dinner, freshen up and go to bed.
07:57Well, if you could, it would make things easier for us.
07:59Shall we go to bed now?
07:59Would that make it easier for you?
08:02We're a little tired fellow.
08:03We want to sit up and relax.
08:04We'll be down in a few minutes.
08:05Yes, but the chef does actually stop at nine.
08:07Nine.
08:09Nine.
08:10Hmm.
08:11So why does your chef stop at nine, huh?
08:14You got something terminal?
08:16No, no.
08:17But that's when he, in fact, stops.
08:19Ah.
08:20Now, look.
08:21We drove from London to stay here, right?
08:23Are you telling me that you can't stay open a few minutes longer so that we can eat properly?
08:28What, we can do with sandwiches?
08:29Ham?
08:29Cheese?
08:30We want something hot.
08:31Toasted sandwiches?
08:32It's okay.
08:33Not really.
08:34Can you believe this?
08:35What the hell's wrong with this country?
08:37You can't get a drink after three.
08:38You can't eat after nine.
08:39Is the war still on?
08:40No, no, no.
08:40But it's the staff, you see.
08:41Oh, this staff.
08:42We have to get the staff.
08:43How much?
08:43What?
08:44How much of this Mickey Mouse money do you want to keep the chef on for half an hour?
08:48One, two, three.
08:49Twenty pounds, huh?
08:50Is that enough?
08:54I'll see what I can do.
08:57Excuse me.
08:58Pardon.
08:59Pardon.
08:59Excuse me, please.
09:00Please.
09:00This way.
09:01Please.
09:01Por aquÃ.
09:02This way, please.
09:03Excuse me.
09:10Gosh, that does look absolutely marvellous, doesn't it?
09:15Oh, um, Terry, I almost forgot.
09:17Some guests have just arrived right at the last moment, as usual.
09:20Typical.
09:21I'm sorry, but this puts us out just as much as it puts you out.
09:24Don't put me out, Mr. Forley.
09:25No, but they want some dinner, you see, and they insist first on scraping off some of the
09:28filth that somehow got Kate to them, cruising down the M5.
09:31Well, I've got my class tonight, Mr. Forley.
09:33But Terry, it is...
09:33Right, O'Pol.
09:34No, no, wait, wait, I mean, uh, you know what I'm saying?
09:36I mean, I will make it up to you, you know, out of my own pocket.
09:39It's not the money, Mr. Forley.
09:40My karate means a lot to me.
09:42Well, half an hour's overtime and a taxi.
09:44Mr. Forley, if I miss a week, next week I don't get out in one piece.
09:48An hour's overtime?
09:49Sorry, Mr. Forley.
09:51What am I going to say to you all?
09:53Two hours.
09:54What?
09:55Two hours' overtime?
09:57I thought you said it wasn't the money.
09:58It ain't.
09:59But I can't think what you're going to say to your guests.
10:01Look, Terry, I'd pay you two hours' overtime if I could afford it.
10:04Sorry, Mr. Forley.
10:05Um, an hour and a half.
10:08Cash?
10:09Cash.
10:10All right, hour and a half.
10:11But I go at half past nine, then I'll still get some of me class, right?
10:13What, and I do the washing up?
10:14Well, you know how it is, Mr. Forley.
10:15Yes, I know how it is.
10:16As long as I pay you for an hour and a half, you clear off after half an hour.
10:19That's how it is.
10:20That's socialism.
10:21Oh, no.
10:22That's the free market.
10:23Come on, Terry.
10:24Mustn't keep the lady waiting.
10:26The lady?
10:26She's from Fennland, Mr. Forley, and very pretty.
10:28Tall, blot...
10:34This Finnish floozy's your karate teacher, is she?
10:38Well, it's the sort of karate, innit?
10:40Right, give me that.
10:40What?
10:41I'd pay you overtime to miss a class, not to keep some bit of crumpet hanging around.
10:44Yeah, but you...
10:45No, it's all right.
10:45I'm doing the washing up, I'm doing the cooking, too.
10:47You go off and enjoy yourself.
10:48Don't you worry about me.
10:49You go and have a good time.
10:50I'll be all right.
10:51Go and have a bit of fun with a Fenn.
10:54Come on, then, well.
10:59Where are you?
11:00Holly, where are...
11:01Hey, wait for me!
11:02Wait for me!
11:03Espere!
11:04Espere!
11:05Hey!
11:12Give me a few to care to sit over there.
11:14Oh, thank you.
11:16Good evening.
11:18Good evening.
11:19Is your room to your liking?
11:21Yes, it's very nice.
11:22Very nice, thank you.
11:23Oh, good.
11:24I'll just get you tonight's menu.
11:26Oh, um, would you care for a drink before your meal?
11:29It's Captain White and a screwdriver, please.
11:34Um, and for you, madam?
11:37The screwdriver's for me.
11:39I see.
11:40Um, would you like it now or after a meal?
11:43Well, now, please.
11:44There's nothing I can put right?
11:46What?
11:46Absolutely.
11:47So it's one scotch and a screwdriver.
11:49I think I'll join you.
11:49Make that two screwdrivers, would you?
11:52You'd like a screwdriver as well?
11:54Got it.
11:55Fine.
11:56So it's one scotch and you each need a screwdriver.
11:58No, no, no, no.
11:59Forget the scotch, two screwdrivers.
12:01I understand.
12:02And you'll leave the drinks.
12:04What?
12:04Nothing to drink?
12:05What do you mean, nothing to drink?
12:06Well, you can't drink your screwdrivers, can you?
12:09What else would you suggest that we do with them?
12:11Vodka and orange juice.
12:13Ah, certainly better.
12:14Make that two and forget about the screwdrivers.
12:16You sure?
12:17We can manage without them.
12:18As you wish.
12:21Relax in the carefree atmosphere of old English charm.
12:25When you are there...
12:28I hope we're not intruding on your dinner hour.
12:30Oh, not at all, no.
12:34You're American.
12:36That's right.
12:37Where are you from?
12:38California.
12:39How lovely.
12:40You're English, though.
12:42Yes, but I've been over there ten years now.
12:44Ten years.
12:45Do you ever get home sick?
12:47Oh, yes, but I love it there.
12:49The climate's so wonderful.
12:50You can swim and sunbathe and then, after lunch, drive up into the mountains and ski.
12:55How wonderful.
12:57I like England and the English people, but I sure couldn't take this climate.
13:01Harry finds it too gloomy.
13:03Oh, I don't find it too gloomy, the usable.
13:05Yes, I do, Basil.
13:06Oh, yes, my wife finds it too gloomy.
13:08I find it rather bracing.
13:09What do you find bracing, Basil?
13:10The damp, the drizzle, the fog?
13:12Well, it's not always like this, dear.
13:13It changes.
13:13My husband's like the climate.
13:15He changes.
13:16This morning he went on for two hours about the bloody weather.
13:18Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:38Yes, well, I don't think it would suit me.
13:39I rather like it down here.
13:40It's very mild all the year round.
13:41We have palm trees here in Torquay, you know.
13:43Do you have palm trees in California?
13:45Bert Lancaster had one, they say, but I don't believe him.
13:48Ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:53A vodka and orange juice.
13:55Orange juice.
13:56I'm afraid it's not fresh.
13:58Isn't it?
13:58No.
13:59We've just opened the bottle.
14:00Look, fresh means it comes out of an orange, not out of a bottle.
14:03Ah, you'd like freshly squeezed orange juice.
14:05As opposed to freshly aunt-strewed orange juice, yes.
14:07Leave it to me.
14:08I mean, I'll get chef onto it straight away.
14:11Sorry about that.
14:12A lot of English people are used to the flavor of the bottles.
14:14It's all right. It's just that back home, fresh orange juice comes like running water.
14:18Does it really?
14:20Of course, it's so good for your skin, isn't it?
14:23I'd love to go to California someday. It looks so exciting.
14:27Oh, never love a stranger. Do you like it?
14:29Oh, I love all Harold Robbins. I've read this one three times.
14:32The Pirates is his best, I think.
14:35I read them when Harry's away. I just don't seem to have the time when he's home.
14:38Who needs Harold Robbins when you've got the real thing?
14:41Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
14:43How long have you been married, Mrs Forty?
14:46Oh, since 1485.
14:48There we are. Fresh orange juice.
14:52But seriously, though, his men are all so interesting.
14:55Ruthless and sexy and powerful.
14:58Who's this then, dear? Proust E.M. Forster?
15:00Harold Robbins.
15:01Oh, yes, of course, yes. My wife likes Harold Robbins.
15:04After a hard day slaving under the hairdryer,
15:07she needs one wine with a few aimless thrills.
15:10Nothing.
15:12Have you ever read any?
15:13Oh, it really is the most awful American, well, not American,
15:18transatlantic tripe, sort of pornographic muzak.
15:21Still keeps my wife off the streets.
15:23We both like him.
15:28Oh, Robbins.
15:29What?
15:29Harold Robbins.
15:31Oh, I thought you meant that awful man.
15:33What's his name? Uh, Harold Robinson.
15:35Have you read any Harold Robinson?
15:36Oh, painful.
15:39How about Waldorf salad?
15:40Was that one?
15:41Yes, absolutely right.
15:42Oh, that was a shock, wasn't it?
15:44Could you make me a Waldorf salad?
15:48Who?
15:48A what?
15:50Waldorf salad.
15:51Well, I think we're just out of Waldorf.
15:56I don't believe this.
15:57It's not very well known here, Harry.
15:59Yes, um, may I recommend tonight...
16:01Now, look, I'm sure your chef knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad, huh?
16:05Well, I wouldn't be too sure.
16:06Well, he's a chef, isn't he?
16:07Yes, yes, you wouldn't prefer...
16:08Well, find out, will you?
16:09Just go out there and see if he knows how to fix me a Waldorf salad.
16:11Of course, yes.
16:16He's not absolutely positive.
16:18He's almost got it.
16:19It's lettuce and tomato, walnut...
16:20No, no, no.
16:21It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes.
16:23In a mayonnaise sauce.
16:25Right.
16:25Incidentally, he did ask me to say that he does especially recommend the patty tonight.
16:29I don't want patty.
16:31Or the grapefruit?
16:31Grapefruit.
16:32The grapefruit.
16:32How's it done?
16:34Well, it's halved with a cherry in the centre.
16:37Look, I haven't paid you 20 pounds to have some guy cut a grapefruit in half and stick a cherry
16:42in the centre.
16:43Exactly.
16:44I want a Waldorf salad.
16:45Absolutely, one Waldorf salad.
16:46And a green salad for me.
16:48And one green salad, yes.
16:49And if we can't manage the Waldorf salad...
16:51I want a Waldorf salad and to follow a couple of filet mignons.
16:55Steak.
16:55Steak.
16:56Steak.
16:56Done rare.
16:56Done rare.
16:57Not out of a bottle.
16:58Not out of a bottle, right.
16:59Would you care to see the wine list?
17:03May I ask, did you say you'd pay 20 pounds?
17:06Yes, but it's not the money.
17:09My wife and I, we wanted dinner and...
17:11But this can't be right.
17:12There's no reason Chef couldn't stay.
17:14I'm awfully sorry.
17:14He's forgotten already.
17:15A walnuts, cheese...
17:17No!
17:18No cheese.
17:19It's celery, apples, walnuts, grapes.
17:22Right.
17:22In mayonnaise.
17:23Right.
17:24Now, come on.
17:28Uh, would you excuse me one moment?
17:32Uh, uh, excuse me.
17:33A bottle of Volney, please.
17:34Of course.
17:40What's this about 20 pounds, Basil?
17:41There's no celery.
17:42Would you believe it?
17:43I'll find the celery.
17:44What about this 20 pounds?
17:45He gave me 20 pounds to keep the kitchens open and Chef wouldn't say...
17:47I mean, where does he put things?
17:48If you just look...
17:50I have no...
17:50There's no celery.
17:51There's no grapes.
17:52Walnuts.
17:52That's a laugh.
17:53He's here to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus and suitcase sauce in a walnut.
17:57It's a bloody kitchen.
17:58Now, we've got apples.
18:00Oh, terrific.
18:00We'll celebrate.
18:01We'll have an apple party.
18:01Everybody brought his own apple and stash it down somebody's throat.
18:05Basil.
18:06I will find everything.
18:07Just go and get a bottle of Volney.
18:09What is a Waldorf, anyway?
18:10A walnut that's gone off?
18:12It's the hotel, Basil.
18:14The Waldorf Hotel in New York.
18:16Wait.
18:18Basil.
18:22Everything all right?
18:23Yes, thank you.
18:25Never been better.
18:25Oh, good.
18:26By the way, I wonder, have you by any chance ever tried a Ritz salad?
18:31Ritz salad?
18:32Yes, it's a traditional old English thing.
18:34It's apples, grapefruit and potatoes in a mayonnaise sauce.
18:37No, I don't think I've ever tried that.
18:39Ah.
18:39Don't think I ever will either.
18:41Yeah, well, that's probably pretty sound.
18:43Well, look, about this Waldorf salad of yours.
18:46Yes?
18:46We've been having a bit of a tater-tater with Chef, and the point is,
18:49we're all right on the apples.
18:51Absolutely no problem with them at all.
18:52Now, on the celery front, well, perhaps I should explain.
18:56We normally get our celery delivered on a Wednesday,
18:58along with our cabbages, onions, walnuts, grapes, that sort of thing.
19:02But this week, the driver...
19:03Mr Fawlty.
19:04Yes, he was putting the crate into the van...
19:06I'm not it.
19:06...and he sort of slipped forward, and the van door caught his arm like that,
19:09and it may have fractured it.
19:10You don't have it.
19:10They did the x-rays, and we'll know tomorrow whether they're going to have to operate.
19:13And to cut a long story short, we don't have any.
19:16You know, but, um...
19:19So, makes you think how lucky you are, doesn't it?
19:21I mean, here we all are, with all our limbs functioning, and quite frankly,
19:25if you've got your health, what else, Matt?
19:28What a bunch of crap.
19:31Oh, do you think so?
19:32I always feel like...
19:33What the hell's going on here?
19:34It says hotel outside.
19:35Now, is this a hotel or isn't it?
19:37Well, within reason.
19:38You know something, fella?
19:39If this was back in the States, I wouldn't board my dog here.
19:43Fussy, is he?
19:43Poodle?
19:45Poodle!
19:47I'm not getting through to you, am I?
19:51You know, I stay in hotels all over the world,
19:53and this is the first time I've had to bribe a chef to cook me a meal,
19:56and then find out he doesn't even have the basic goddamn ingredients.
19:59Holy cow, can't you see what a crummy dump this is?
20:03You listen to this, are you, Terry?
20:04I'm talking to you!
20:05It's all right, Terry, you can get...
20:06Shut up, will you listen to me?
20:08Can't you see this ain't good enough?
20:09Yes, I see what you mean.
20:10And then you give me some half-ass story about some delivery guy busting his arm.
20:13Now, look, Fawlty, if your chef couldn't find the ingredients from that guy,
20:16why didn't he get them from somebody else, huh?
20:18Exactly.
20:19Yeah.
20:19It's hopeless.
20:20What?
20:20It's hopeless.
20:21Completely hopeless.
20:22Right.
20:23You're the manager, aren't you?
20:24You're responsible.
20:25So what do you got to do about it, huh?
20:27I'll have a liver.
20:28Half a word.
20:30Man, you've got to tell him, lay it on the line.
20:32Lay it on the line?
20:33Tell him if he doesn't get on the ball, you're going to bust his ass.
20:37Bust his?
20:37No, no, no, I'll tell him, tell him, leave it to me, I've got it, tell him, I've got it,
20:40I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.
20:44Bust his ass.
20:46All that.
20:49And two green salads.
20:56Here we are.
20:58One green salad and one Mordor salad.
21:02But, uh, uh, I, I thought that...
21:05Oh, uh, would you excuse me one moment?
21:07No, it's not good enough.
21:08Do you hear me?
21:09It's not good enough.
21:10No, Mr. Combin, sure.
21:11No, it's sharp.
21:12That's a bunch of ass, that's what that is.
21:14It's fine.
21:15Why don't you make a Waldorf salad?
21:17One red salad.
21:17Well, first thing tomorrow, you get the ingredients from a Waldorf salad, or I'm going to break your bottle.
21:24Oh, no, you won't.
21:26No, I mean it.
21:27I mean it.
21:27Everything all right?
21:29Yes, thank you.
21:30You're sure there's nothing?
21:32All right, not very good.
21:33Oh, good.
21:35Oh, um, you're a chef.
21:38Yes?
21:38Has he been with you long?
21:40About six months.
21:41He used to work at Dorchester.
21:42At the Dorchester?
21:44No, in Dorchester, about 40 miles away.
21:47Here we are.
21:48Two green salads.
21:50Basil.
21:51Mr.
21:52Mr. Hamilton has his Waldorf salad, dear.
21:54No, dear, chef couldn't make it.
21:55He didn't have the ingredients.
21:56I just smashed his backside about it.
22:00But there it is.
22:04What?
22:05There's the Waldorf salad.
22:07Chef found the ingredients.
22:09Why?
22:10Well, if he found the ingredients, why didn't he tell me?
22:13He took my thumb, wouldn't it?
22:15He struck dumb when somebody tore his tongue out in the last two minutes?
22:19Maybe Robertson's arm got better.
22:22I'm sorry about this.
22:23It's all right.
22:24No, it isn't.
22:25It doesn't matter.
22:26Well, it matters to me.
22:27Not to me.
22:27I got my Waldorf salad.
22:28Yes, excuse me.
22:29For God's sake!
22:31Chef!
22:31Would you give that back your meat?
22:32I'm so sorry.
22:33I'll just get it back for you.
22:35Sorry?
22:36I'll give you sorry.
22:37Get off your knees.
22:38That's all right.
22:39No, I haven't finished with chef yet, sir.
22:41Well, I mean, why didn't you tell me?
22:42Why didn't you tell me you found them, you stupid cow?
22:45Hey, chef.
22:46Hey, chef.
22:47No, I haven't finished.
22:47I haven't finished.
22:48You've been having enough.
22:49Ooh.
22:52Sorry about that little confusion.
22:55Chef hasn't been with us very long.
22:57We've just reorganized the kitchen.
23:02Ooh, you haven't got your wine yet.
23:04Basil!
23:05Won't be a moment.
23:06Basil!
23:09Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton haven't got their wine yet.
23:13Fine.
23:13Oh, all right.
23:14And Basil, has chef put the steaks on yet?
23:17No, I'll tell you.
23:18All right.
23:20Is your husband all right?
23:22Oh, yes.
23:23He's just had rather a long day.
23:25There's just the two of you here, right?
23:27We haven't had a proper holiday for eight years.
23:30Eight years?
23:30Yes.
23:31I have to get away occasionally just for a few hours,
23:35even if it's just down to the hairdresser or a round of golf
23:38or a bridge evening with some of the girls.
23:41Drive in the country sometimes, just on my own.
23:45Pop down to Cornwall for the day.
23:46Sometimes it's beautiful there.
23:49You'll go there, sir.
23:51Yes, you must visit Cornwall while you're here.
23:55Incidentally, I've been talking to chef
23:56and we've sorted out what happened.
23:58Apparently, he thought that he'd already got...
24:01Yes, very nice.
24:02Got two orders for Waldorf salad, you see.
24:04And in fact, he had the ingredients, but...
24:06No, that's...
24:07Until he made one, he didn't realise
24:08that he didn't have enough for the second one.
24:11Don't let it bother you.
24:12No, anyway, this will explain everything.
24:16What's that?
24:17A letter.
24:18A letter?
24:19A letter from the chef.
24:20It explained everything.
24:21A letter from the chef.
24:22Yes, he wanted to apologise personally,
24:24but I didn't want him wasting your time,
24:25so I thought...
24:26Look, just forget about it, will you?
24:27I'll read it for you.
24:28I want my...
24:29Oh, wait a moment.
24:30Um, dear Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton,
24:32I hope you are well.
24:33This is just a brief note
24:34to say that I take full responsibility
24:36for the dreadful mess-ups tonight.
24:38If I'd only listened to Mr. Fawlty,
24:40none of this fiasco would have occurred.
24:42Oh, ha.
24:43I'd just like to tell you
24:44that such a cock-up
24:45has never occurred
24:46in my career before
24:47and that now
24:47everything has been sorted out,
24:49I'll be back
24:49to my very best form.
24:51Signed to...
25:00What are you doing?
25:02What do you mean you've found it?
25:05I've had just about enough of this.
25:06Harry.
25:06Harry, how could you forget that?
25:09What was making
25:09another Waldorf salad?
25:10Making another Waldorf salad?
25:13What are you making
25:14another Waldorf salad for?
25:16Now, get worse at, Laurie.
25:18I'm not the idiot, ma'am.
25:19What do you think,
25:19Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton must think?
25:21With a...
25:28Mr. Hamilton, may I introduce
25:30Terry Hugh...
25:33Where did he go?
25:36Where's he gone?
25:37Did you see him?
25:38Maybe he went
25:38to get something to eat.
25:42Come on, honey.
25:42What is it, Harry?
25:43We're leaving.
25:44Oh, what's happened?
25:45I'll tell you later.
25:48Is your steak ready
25:49and a little over, Mrs. Hamilton?
25:50He must have heard you coming,
25:51you know, and panicked
25:52and run out into the yard.
25:54You know, after all the problems,
25:57we've...
25:57Hmph.
26:03How big a bunner ball
26:05do you take me for?
26:06But...
26:07Do you think I don't know
26:07what's been going on out there?
26:09Oh, bit of a debacle, I'm afraid.
26:10I'm talking about you
26:11taking 20 pounds off me
26:12to keep the chef on,
26:13letting him go,
26:14cooking the meal yourself,
26:15and then pretending
26:16he's still out there.
26:17Oh, that?
26:18Yes, that.
26:18And I'd be interested to know
26:19what you've got to say about it.
26:21Good evening.
26:21I asked you a question.
26:22Yes, well, I'm sorry that, uh,
26:23that your meal
26:24has not been fully satisfactory
26:25this evening.
26:27Well, I'm suggesting you
26:28that this place
26:29is the crummiest, shoddiest,
26:31worst-run hotel
26:32in the whole of Western Europe.
26:34No!
26:35No, I won't have that.
26:38There's a place at Eastbourne.
26:43And that you are
26:44the British tourist board
26:45dancer to Donald Duck.
26:46Now, look,
26:47I know things have gone wrong
26:48this evening,
26:49but you must remember
26:49that we have had
26:50thousands of satisfied...
26:52All right.
26:52Let's ask them, eh?
26:53What...
26:54Let's ask them.
26:56Are you all satisfied?
26:58You!
26:58Are you satisfied?
26:59Major, are you satisfied?
27:00I mean, you've been here
27:00seven years.
27:01Are you satisfied?
27:02Oh, I love it, eh?
27:03Ladies, are you satisfied?
27:04Oh, yes.
27:04Thank you, Mr Forty.
27:06Yes.
27:06And thank you for asking.
27:07Not at all.
27:08Mr Arab, are you satisfied?
27:09Oh, well, yes.
27:10Mrs Gert, you?
27:11Oh, very nice, sir.
27:12Yes.
27:12You see?
27:13Satisfied customers.
27:14Of course,
27:14if this little hotel
27:15is not to your taste,
27:16then you're free to say so.
27:17That is your privilege.
27:18And I shall, of course,
27:19refund your money.
27:19I know how important
27:20it is to you Americans.
27:22But you must remember
27:23that here in Britain
27:24there are things
27:25that we value more.
27:26Things that perhaps
27:26in America
27:27you've rather forgotten about.
27:28But which to we British
27:29are far, far more important
27:31than many...
27:35I'm not satisfied.
27:36No, we're not satisfied.
27:38Well, people like you
27:38never are, are you?
27:39What?
27:42There's nothing I can do
27:43with a piece of pear like you
27:44short of putting straw in the rooms.
27:45I think you're the rudest man
27:46I've ever met.
27:47I haven't started yet.
27:49You're not going to.
27:51You're going to stand here
27:52nice and quiet
27:52while these people say
27:53whether or not they're satisfied
27:55and you move off that spot,
27:56Fawlty,
27:56and I'm going to smush your ass.
28:01Everything's bottomed, isn't it?
28:02Yes, sir.
28:03I think this is probably
28:04the worst hotel
28:05we've ever stayed here.
28:06Yes, it is.
28:06The service here
28:07is an absolute disgrace.
28:08I agree.
28:09You do?
28:10Yes.
28:10Do you know that we had to wait
28:11nearly half an hour
28:12for our main course
28:13and when it arrived
28:14it was wrong.
28:15And when I complained
28:16he completely fobbed me off
28:17with some rubbish.
28:18My prawns were off
28:19and when I told him
28:20there was an argument.
28:21And her beak
28:22was awfully poor.
28:23And I asked you
28:24to fix my radiator
28:25three times
28:26and nothing's been done.
28:28Satisfied customers, huh?
28:31Hot dog.
28:39This is typical.
28:45Absolutely typical.
28:48The kind of arse
28:52I had to put up with
28:54from you people.
28:54You punts in here
28:56expecting to be
28:57hand-weighted on,
28:58hand-in-foot
28:59while I'm trying to run
29:00a hotel here.
29:01Have you any idea
29:02of how much there is to do?
29:04Do you ever think of that?
29:05Of course not.
29:06You're too busy
29:07sticking your noses
29:08into every corner
29:09poking about
29:10for things to complain about,
29:11aren't you?
29:12Well, let me tell you something.
29:14This is exactly
29:15how Nazi Germany started.
29:18I lay about
29:19with nothing better to do
29:21than to cause trouble.
29:22Well, I've had 15 years
29:24of pandering
29:25to the likes of you
29:26and I've had enough.
29:28I've had it.
29:28Come on,
29:29pack your bags
29:30and get out.
29:31They're packed.
29:32Order 10 taxis,
29:33will you?
29:33I'll pay for them.
29:34Come on, come on.
29:34What?
29:35Out.
29:36Everybody out.
29:36Come on upstairs.
29:38Pack your bags.
29:39Adios.
29:39Out.
29:40What about the training?
29:41Well, you should have
29:42thought of that before,
29:43shouldn't you?
29:43Too late now.
29:44Come on out.
29:45Rouse.
29:46Rouse.
29:47Rouse.
29:47Rouse.
29:48What are you doing?
29:50Well, let me explain
29:51my little workhorse.
29:53The guests and I
29:54have been having
29:55a bit of an old chinwag
29:56and the upshot of it
29:57all is they're off.
29:59Off?
30:00Well, let me put it
30:00this way, dear.
30:01Either they go
30:02or I go.
30:04Right, right.
30:05Come on back, everybody.
30:05My wife's had a better idea.
30:07Come on back.
30:07I'm going instead.
30:08Well, goodbye, dear.
30:09It's been an interesting
30:1015 years
30:11but all good things
30:12must come to an end.
30:13I hope you enjoy
30:13your new work here
30:14helping to run a hotel.
30:16Goodbye, Major.
30:17Goodbye, ladies.
30:17Give my regards
30:18to Polly and Manuel.
30:19Bye, dear.
30:20You've forgotten
30:20your keys, Basil.
30:22So I have, dear.
30:23Yes, oh, and goodbye
30:23to the rest of you.
30:24I hope you enjoy
30:25your stay here.
30:26Don't forget any complaints.
30:27Don't hesitate
30:27to tell my wife.
30:28Any hour of the day
30:29or night,
30:30just shout,
30:31bye!
30:31Bye.
30:32Bye.
30:35Bye.
30:5110 minutes.
30:52That'll be fine.
30:54All right, here.
30:59Hello, dear.
30:59I'm back.
31:01What do you want, Basil?
31:03A room, please.
31:05Um, number 12 is free, I think.
31:06Now, I'd like breakfast in bed
31:07at half past 10 in the morning, please.
31:09That's eggs, bacon, sausage,
31:10and tomato
31:11with a Waldorf salad.
31:12I'll wash it up
31:13with lashings
31:14of hot screwdriver.
31:15I like it.
31:28APPLAUSE
31:28Good morning.
31:30Good morning.
31:39Good morning.
31:48Good morning.
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