- 4 months ago
Episode 8 celebrates then vs now. The Mercedes SL is compared with its classic 1972 version; the modern Audi TT V6 faces off with the historic Ford Capri V6. There’s also coverage of smaller cars like the Nissan Micra. Johnny Vegas is the guest in the Reasonably Priced Car. A stylish, nostalgic trip through car history with performance comparisons to boot.
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, Audi's new V6 ankle bracelet.
00:07A moment of madness from Aston Martin.
00:11And Johnny Vegas in our reasonably priced car.
00:15Which should be interesting since he can't drive.
00:21Hello and welcome to another one of Top Gear's crummy charts.
00:26We've come up with this one to kind of show you the definitive history of car design.
00:31We started in the 40s and 50s when all cars looked exactly the same.
00:36Then we went through the 60s, GT40, Miura, E-Type, Ford Mustang.
00:40Then it was downhill really all the way through the 70s, 80s and 90s
00:44to where we are now with the Hyundai and whatever that is.
00:48So really the zenith of car design was about 1966.
00:53And that's a problem. Because you can't really buy a car from that period today.
00:57I mean look, we've got an MG here.
01:01And this is an Alpha Spider.
01:04There is however one car from the mid 60s which has quite literally stood up to the test of time.
01:11That. It's a Mercedes SL.
01:14And it causes me serious problems every time I drive through South West London.
01:21Let me show you what I mean.
01:31This is the Wandsworth one-way system.
01:34You may have heard about it on the traffic reports.
01:37They talk about it most nights.
01:39But it's not the jams that keep me awake.
01:46It's that place.
01:49I always find myself sitting in my Eurobox looking at all those classics and thinking,
01:59Ooh, I could have one of those.
02:02And then it'd be interesting and people would like me.
02:05Ooh, look at that. Look. Ooh.
02:08Of course, I'm not daft. I know it would be stupid and ruinously expensive to buy most of the stuff in here.
02:18But they always have a couple of old SLs in the window and the force is strong with that one.
02:24That's why I'm taking this 280 for a test drive.
02:31I hope I hate it. I hope it overheats. I hope it melts.
02:35I hope we really don't get on and it gives me an ear infection.
02:38And then I can get rid of this silly, stupid pint dream about buying one.
02:44To find out what it's like, I headed to the most prosperous part of Britain.
02:48The little riverside towns that nestle in the foothills of the Chilterns.
02:52This would have been the natural habitat for the old SL.
02:56So let's see if it can still cut it.
03:02You can buy a good one today for £25,000 to £30,000.
03:07And a bad one for £10,000 or so.
03:11If you do end up with a bad one, it's not the end of the world
03:14because Mercedes amazingly still keep all the spare parts for these old SLs.
03:21You could actually rebuild the whole engine for £4,000.
03:27And remember, this is from a time when Mercedes was still building its cars properly.
03:32The paint alone on this weighs 20 kilograms.
03:36And actually, there isn't that much to go wrong.
03:40I've got a heater and a cigarette lighter.
03:50And that's about it.
03:55So, annoyingly, it doesn't cost much more to buy than a Ford Mondeo.
04:02And it shouldn't be any harder to run than a vacuum cleaner.
04:06Damn!
04:07There's more bad news as well, I'm afraid, because it's not completely horrible to drive.
04:13It doesn't shake your spleen off its mountings every time you go over a bump.
04:17It's got power steering. It's got an automatic gearbox.
04:20And on the motorway coming down here, I hit 65.
04:25How about that?
04:2765.
04:29The 2.8-litre engine develops 170 brake horsepower, but most of that is used to cart the paint around.
04:37There's none left over for the car.
04:39And things really aren't helped by the kick down, which is a switch.
04:44And I do mean a switch that simply turns the noise up.
04:48Ready?
04:52More noise.
04:53No real change in the speed, though.
04:56Nothing.
04:58Still doing 41.
05:0041.
05:0541.
05:0941.
05:1042!
05:13Even in the 60s, this wasn't a sports car, and it certainly isn't now.
05:18But that doesn't stop me wanting one.
05:22Look at the people who drive old SLs today.
05:25Kate Moss, Martine McCutcheon, Colin Powell, Michael Winner, the Dimbleby Brothers.
05:30They're not bothered about power or burning rubber.
05:33They just want something reliable, something charismatic, something a little bit elegant.
05:38And I absolutely understand that.
05:42Not even a lack of speed has put me off this thing.
05:46I'm forever judging a car on how it goes, how it handles, how it rides, but that's not the point with this.
05:56The point is how it makes you feel.
05:59I thought it'd be too dainty for me.
06:01I thought I'd look like a bear in a pushchair, but I like it.
06:06And I look at everybody else going around in their air-conditioned Euro boxes, and I just feel better off.
06:17We've come a very long way in the last 35 years.
06:20I mean, the modern Mercedes SL has air-conditioned seats and radar-guided cruise control
06:25and a top speed of a couple of hundred miles an hour.
06:28All the stuff you really need.
06:31But in terms of style, which you can enjoy every time you pop down to the shops for a pint of milk,
06:37I think we're going backwards.
06:41You like old cars, don't you?
06:43I do.
06:44So you must have a nightmare going around that one-way system.
06:46Ah, except I don't go that way, you see.
06:47I take a big 50-mile detour right round London just in case.
06:50But what if you're in a cab? In what?
06:52Well, I have to concentrate very hard on the advert on the back of the driver's seat or something.
06:56If I look out of the window and there's a Rolls-Royce, I've had it.
06:58Stop.
06:59You'd be in there, poof.
07:00Yes.
07:01Bought, ruined.
07:02That if I went for a test driving one of these, it would like cure me.
07:05I thought it would be sort of horrid to drive, but it isn't.
07:08I think you could drive one of these every day, no problem.
07:10People do.
07:11I know.
07:12It is basically a very, very cool car.
07:16Let's talk about value for money.
07:18This is the new Nissan Micra.
07:20It costs nine grand.
07:22And that is a plane, so it costs 38 million.
07:26It's got steps and a door like any other plane.
07:30But there, the similarities end.
07:33It's a Boeing 737, usually full of a hundred or so sweaty people all sharing the same toilet.
07:41This, though, is one you can have all to yourself.
07:44It's a Boeing BBJ2 737, the ultimate private jet, built to carry perhaps just one quite incredibly important person at a cruising speed of 540 miles an hour.
07:58Now, as I said, you can own one for 38 million quid, or you can hire one for 9,000 pounds an hour.
08:07So, two very different ways of spending nine grand.
08:11Let's see what happens.
08:13For this kind of money, you would expect gadgets.
08:15And you get them.
08:16Loads of them.
08:17For instance, there are cameras at the front, in the middle, and at the back.
08:20And you can move them around and look at stuff, either when you're in the air or even when you're on the ground.
08:25It's a good guy.
08:26Look, there's me in the Micra.
08:28Now, call me intuitive, but I suspect that the plane probably won't be great value for money at that price.
08:36But what about the new Micra?
08:38We're used to getting all the clever toys and gizmos on big cars, but just look at what you get as standard on the new Micra, a small car.
08:51We've got keyless entry and keyless going.
08:54In fact, the key's down here.
08:55Don't need it.
08:56Spare.
08:57To get in or to drive the thing.
08:59Until recently, you only got that on something like Mercedes S-Class.
09:03I've got rain-sensing windscreen wipers, again, big German executive territory, CD player, climate control, electric windows everywhere.
09:12We can have four airbags, all as standard on the Micra, for nine grand.
09:20The interesting thing is that the original Micra, when it was launched in 1983, cost the equivalent of 9,000 pounds in today's money.
09:29So the same price, but, well, what did you get?
09:33Four wheels, couple of seats, couple of doors.
09:35I mean, basically, it was slightly better than walking, and it kept you dry.
09:40That was it.
09:42So, the nine grand car of today brings a lot more to the party than the nine grand car of 20 years ago.
09:50Well, that's take-off.
09:54Nine grand an hour, and the clock's ticking.
09:56I'm not going to waste it reading the paper.
09:59Now, I could watch a movie on any one of the plasma screens, but I can't think of one that lasts less than an hour.
10:06So, instead, let me tell you something from the brochure.
10:08It's about choosing the spec of the interior of your BBJ2.
10:12And it says that some customers might prefer to have a more functional layout to the interior.
10:17And that can be done, apparently, for as little as five million pounds.
10:20It's going to be a real student bedsitter, though, isn't it?
10:24Rough.
10:25Do you know, everyone goes on about German build quality, and sure, it is very, very good.
10:32But spend a bit of time with this, and you get a reminder of what Japanese build quality has become about.
10:38And it's this.
10:39Where the Germans would perhaps build it from girders, the Japanese in the Micra, the build quality is enough.
10:47And I mean absolutely, precisely and completely enough.
10:53You don't want any more, but there's nothing wasted.
10:56And best of all, the Micra is now built in a factory that enjoys a worldwide reputation for absolute efficiency.
11:04And it's in Sunderland, in Britain.
11:12Three grand, that was.
11:19That's good.
11:20That's very good.
11:25We've talked about value for money in the Micra gives a lot, but that's not the whole story.
11:29There's the other side of it.
11:30Personality.
11:31And that comes largely from the looks, which are, frankly, a bit risky.
11:3920 years ago, this kind of smooth ride would have been limo territory.
11:44And if you'd said a 1.2 litre engine could give you all the zip you'd ever need, you'd have dismissed it as witchcraft.
11:51But as a package, the kick you get, the personality of the thing, it's the super mini for us.
11:57It's a great combination, and a great way to spend nine grand.
12:01And I'd certainly rather be spending that nine grand on a small car today than 20 years ago, when all you got was four wheels and some seats.
12:09All the good life full of fun.
12:17As for the plane, in my 9,000 pound hour, I only managed to fly from Farnborough to Leeds, which is hardly one of the world's great journeys.
12:27And as for the cost of going further, if you have to ask, you can't afford it.
12:35You know you can watch a landing now, from like a commercial jet, it's not just private jets, they have a camera.
12:42Yeah, they have a camera on the nose wheel as you're coming in to land.
12:45Yeah.
12:46Have you seen that on planes?
12:48Yes? Right.
12:49How much fun would it be for the captain to put a video in, and then have two JCBs on the top?
12:57Yeah.
12:58And just, only the cabin door, put them in, I've got to listen to this.
13:01No!
13:03Or one where the undercarriage comes down, and then both wheels go, pink, pink.
13:07The wheels have fallen off it!
13:10A rack of videos.
13:11Anyway, anyway, your film. Well done.
13:13Yes, thank you.
13:14You've managed to conclude that a Nissan Micra offers better value for money than a private jet.
13:20Well done, Richard, that was very good.
13:22When you boil it down, you're right. It's also better value than a Toyota Yaris.
13:27Yes, but a Toyota Yaris is a better car.
13:29Again, I fear you're right there, Jeremy, this is true.
13:32Actually, it gets worse as well, because since I did that, I've been a bit of delving around on the internet,
13:36and I found a website of people who own Micras, the new one,
13:39and it turns out that there's been a few problems with reliability and build quality.
13:46The one thing you said was very good?
13:47Yeah, that's kind of the way.
13:49Okay, fair enough. So, in other words, the adverts they ran for this,
13:52do you remember that Speak Micra thing they did, where they combined two words?
13:56They got simple and technology for simpology, and luxurious and affordable for luxurable.
14:02Do you remember that?
14:03Yeah, they take the first bit of the first word and the second word.
14:05Yeah, exactly.
14:06And it turns out to have been shiny and bright all along.
14:12Okay, time now to meet our guest this week.
14:15He started out in life training to be a monk, but then decided he preferred being drunk.
14:21Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Vegas!
14:22Thank you, Johnny.
14:23Good to see you.
14:24Have a seat.
14:25Did you really want to be a monk?
14:38No, I wanted to be a priest, but I had urges that I thought, best not suppress them, you know, best live a full life.
14:50Yeah.
14:51So, yeah, I got into women, left the priesthood, spent seven years without a woman, just considered going back to God.
15:00God wasn't that fussed.
15:01He'd only got the card.
15:02Guess what?
15:03I'm ready to come back.
15:04Well, we've got quite a tight buck in here.
15:07We're delighted God didn't want you back.
15:08Richard Whiteley's especially delighted because you're the first person ever to come here and try your hand in our reasonably priced car without the benefit of a driving licence.
15:23How can you have got to this stage in life without a car?
15:32I mean, you haven't passed your test.
15:34It takes a special amount of laziness and getting into a job where other people will drive you.
15:42I think getting into comedy for the love of it, I got into it because people pick you up.
15:47They drive you to places, you get drunk and they drive you home again.
15:52Um, you have tried to take your test, so far as I, I mean, and failed.
15:58I tried to take my test, but no, I took my theory test recently.
16:02And you failed?
16:03And that's a lot.
16:04Yeah, but I had a load of excuses to get out of the way then.
16:08Well, come on then, why?
16:09Well, don't cut in late, Paxman.
16:11I want to know why you failed your test.
16:13I failed my test because there's no good reason to take a theory test.
16:17Because I, they've got this, it's hazards awareness.
16:21Who's took the test where you have to do hazards awareness?
16:24No, look at you, you smug bunch of...
16:27Because it's hazards awareness where they go out in a car.
16:32These are people who are meant to be teaching you to drive safely.
16:35And they strap a camera on a car and drive dangerously.
16:38So that us can learn from their mistakes.
16:41And they drive around looking, you're meant to spot potential hazards.
16:44And if you can't drive, everything's a potential hazard, isn't it?
16:49You know what I mean?
16:53And I put, if you click on too many potential hazards, you fail.
16:57Because you're just clicking the mouse for something to do.
17:00So it's like, you know...
17:01So everything's a hazard.
17:02Oh, a tree. Oh, a tree.
17:03But the theory test, that's the easiest thing.
17:05No, it's not because you walk along, you see a bloke and you're going,
17:07you're doing the test and you're going,
17:08that looks like me dad in the arms of another woman.
17:11Now, what's a hazard?
17:14That would be a hazard.
17:15It's not a potential hazard to other people.
17:17But suddenly I'm thinking of my mum's happiness.
17:19I'm clicking it like that.
17:22I'm in the middle of my driving test thinking my dad's having an affair.
17:26And then I've been to notice an articulate lorry pulling out in front of me.
17:30Well, that's one kind of hazard, but this is more destructive
17:33because this affects loads of people.
17:36That lorry, you know, maybe I die
17:39and the supermarket doesn't get its milk on time.
17:42I don't consider that a frightful thing.
17:44The world won't have me, but it'll still get its milk.
17:47It just won't keep for a day longer than the fridge.
17:49But my dad's cheating on my mum in this video.
17:54And they don't take any of that into effect.
17:56Falling trees.
17:57I'm a God-fearing man.
17:59I believe in lightning.
18:00You'll see a tree on a potential hazards test.
18:02You're thinking, lightning, tree, me.
18:05I shouldn't slag it off because I failed it, but...
18:11Who knows where the coloured cat's eyes go in the road?
18:16Where then?
18:17Come on, all right, where?
18:18Where do the coloured cat's eyes go?
18:19On a motorway?
18:20Yeah.
18:21Where do the green ones go?
18:22Exit.
18:23Exit.
18:24What's on the right-hand side as you're going along?
18:26There you are, you see, don't you?
18:27Yeah, but considering you're not allowed to drive on a motorway until you pass your test.
18:31That's a fair point.
18:33Who's ever read up on that?
18:36Well, what are you going to get, do you think, if, when you pass your driving test?
18:41I wanted a people carrier, but you've slated it so much on this show.
18:45Well, people carriers are the people who've given up.
18:48Look at me!
18:50What point is that?
18:54I've gone beyond giving up.
19:01I've reversed man's development.
19:04Fifty million years from now, 200 million years, they'll dig me up and go,
19:08oh, this is how they ended up back in the sea.
19:11Anyway, I sense, I sense now, everybody wants to know how you got on on the track.
19:21Yes!
19:22Well, first of all, we always let the guests have a bit of a practice, yeah?
19:28Who'd like to see some of Johnny's practices?
19:31Yes!
19:32Okay, let's have a look at these.
19:34Here we come, that's the fastest part of the track into a top of the left.
19:38Yes!
19:39Yes!
19:40Very good!
19:41And kept going!
19:43Now, I'm told by the guys out there, this is because you couldn't find reverse.
19:49No, yeah.
19:50And still going!
19:52I could just hear the end of it!
20:04Oh!
20:05That was the wrong...
20:06I made the stinker up me leg!
20:09How was he?
20:10He panicked for his own life!
20:13Welcome to my world!
20:15Now, what interested me there, well, two things, really.
20:18First of all, unbelievable speed.
20:22I mean, we all know that was quick, going into that corner.
20:25So, you're almost like a frightened man behind the wheel.
20:27Stupid, but...
20:29I was trying to be polite there, and secondly, is it the guys, the camera guys were saying
20:34he couldn't find reverse?
20:36No, I found reverse twice, and then the Stig...
20:39The Stig kept doing this thing of going,
20:42Uh, Johnny, you've, uh, you've...
20:44Do you notice that smell?
20:45Can you reek?
20:46Can you smell me now?
20:47Oh, the gearbox!
20:49It does!
20:50I reek of it!
20:52He kept going, don't do this, and then he went, don't put it in reverse, or you'll just
20:55kill it, because that's why smoke keeps coming up and coming up.
20:58And that was his...
21:01So that was the driving around on the grass?
21:03Yeah, driving around on the grass to bring it back.
21:05I'm sure they wanted me to keep it on the road bit, but...
21:08The Jukes of Hazzard was in my head.
21:10I was Daisy Juking!
21:12I was insuring my legs for a million!
21:14I was just...
21:15And always getting in through the window, that was the great one.
21:18Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:19Why didn't you open the door?
21:20It would have had me a New Year's Eve special, that, wouldn't it?
21:24And we're back to Johnny getting in through the window.
21:26I can just...
21:28If somebody will give me liver to kick, I'm sure I can get in another angle!
21:32Anyway, you had your practices, and then you were ready to do your timed lap.
21:37Now, where do you think, on our board, do you think you're going to have...
21:42I think, you know, when you have a trailer...
21:44If that was carpet and it came off, and there was a step down there somewhere...
21:49So you really do think that Richard Whitely's Christmas is going to be made here?
21:53No, no, no, I...
21:55I...
21:56I...
21:57I...
21:58I...
21:59I...
22:00I...
22:01I...
22:02I...
22:03I...
22:04I...
22:05I...
22:06I...
22:07I...
22:08I...
22:09I...
22:10I...
22:11You put two of a second off.
22:12That's...
22:14Too fast and too aggressive.
22:17It's the OG enemy!
22:22And this one here is...
22:23No, your brake too late...
22:25Look how wide you've gone there...
22:27Fast but mad...
22:29Right the Hammerhead.
22:30Let's see, too fast.
22:31No, this is looking surprisingly...
22:34Tony i've gotta say, for a man with no driving license...
22:37This is very impressive.
22:39Oh, you've...
22:41You give me a tough car!
22:45Oh, nice shot, and...
22:49It was flat out through the follow-through.
22:51This is what I can do. This is...
22:53This is the ballerina bit of driving.
22:55It's turned...
23:01Well, I'm...
23:03This is where you went off before.
23:05Nice.
23:06Ooh, nice cornering!
23:08Nice cornering!
23:10Across the line he goes, ladies and gentlemen!
23:20I feel like a really sad game show contestant, but...
23:22I know I've done bad, but...
23:24I had a really good laugh doing it.
23:26I really...
23:28I...
23:30At least I didn't drive my stairs there.
23:32The Stig was saying...
23:34That you were breaking...
23:36Left foot breaking, which is basically what Michael Schumacher does.
23:38Yeah.
23:40Where's that come from?
23:42I've been doing it natural.
23:44No form of training.
23:46No form of training.
23:48He looked down, and I seriously...
23:50I thought I'd had an accident.
23:52Because he looked down and was quite horrified.
23:54And then he went, you're breaking me your left foot.
23:56And I was like, well, have you always done that?
23:58Like, well...
24:00And he just went, that's...
24:02When the Stig, when his tone of voice goes down, he goes, that's very impressive.
24:08I'm gonna tell you how you've done.
24:10Now those two are below two minutes.
24:12Yeah.
24:13The first piece of really good news is you weren't.
24:20You did it.
24:22In one minute...
24:24Fifty...
24:26Eight...
24:28Point six seconds.
24:30But you did beat Harry Enfield and Richard Whiteley,
24:32and they both got driving licences.
24:34Married!
24:39Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Vegas!
24:47Now, at the beginning of the show,
24:49Jeremy argued that cars looked better in the olden days than they do now.
24:53Well, I found out why.
24:56The 1970s were a desperate time for British cars.
24:59The workers spent all week on strike,
25:01and when they did turn up, they built rubbish.
25:04But this was also the decade when we were supreme in one area.
25:09Boldness.
25:10Risk-taking.
25:15This is the Aston Martin Lagonda,
25:17the most shocking car in the world in 1976,
25:20and to my mind, still the most shocking in 2003.
25:24Have you read in the paper recently about the explorer, Sir Rannell Fiennes?
25:32He had a triple heart bypass operation.
25:35And then he went and ran seven marathons.
25:39Madness.
25:41This car is Sir Rannell Fiennes.
25:43It defies common sense in spectacular style.
25:47Back in the mid-70s, Aston Martin had just gone bust and been bailed out.
25:54So, logically, they should have played safe with their next car.
25:58No silly risks.
26:00And then they did this.
26:01The issue here is not the 5.3-litre V8 engine,
26:11or the 140 miles an hour plus top speed,
26:14or the acceleration, or the flat cornering, or any of that stuff.
26:17It's the looks.
26:18The man responsible for this car, one William Towns,
26:27locked himself away with a ruler and a pencil,
26:29and designed it in just a month.
26:32He was obsessed with aerodynamics and wanted a very, very low nose.
26:38Now, watch this.
26:40If I stand here, I'm looking down on the bonnet.
26:42Nothing remarkable about that.
26:43But if I do this, I'm still looking down on the bonnet.
26:49And this isn't a mid-engine supercar.
26:51This has got a whacking great V8 under the bonnet.
26:53It's a front-engine, four-door luxury limousine.
26:59But if the exterior styling was daring,
27:01the interior was downright reckless.
27:04More blinking LEDs than a Casio factory.
27:08Look, it's touch buttons all over the place, all down here.
27:12It's almost as if the designer watched an episode of Blake 7
27:16and then thought, aha.
27:19The problem, though, was that none of this stuff actually worked.
27:23The development cost for the electronics alone on the Lagonda
27:26came to four times as much as the budget for the whole car.
27:31And when the first Lagonda was delivered,
27:32it was over a year late and completely undriveable.
27:36And all because the electronics had failed.
27:39So, the styling was beyond madness.
27:42The electrics, beyond ambition.
27:44And just to make the tightrope a bit more wobbly,
27:47the price was beyond belief.
27:49£50,000 at the end of the 70s,
27:52or £180,000 at today's prices.
27:57And did Aston Martin's boldness pay off?
27:59No.
28:00In 12 years, they made just £645,000.
28:04What a shame.
28:05But, their loss is our gain,
28:08because today you can get a working example of this,
28:11the world's most outrageous car,
28:13for £15,000.
28:16Now that's a risk worth taking.
28:19James, at £15,000, that is a lot of car, you've got to admit.
28:23There is.
28:24Another £15,000 to fill it up, probably.
28:26Yeah, that's a bit of a worry.
28:27And those electrics, when they go wrong.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Well, it could be £15,000, I suppose.
28:32Yeah, and the engine, if that goes wrong.
28:34Yeah, it's an Aston Martin engine,
28:35you're probably looking at £15,000.
28:38Yeah, it's a stupid idea, isn't it?
28:39Actually, it's one of the worst bits of advice
28:41I've ever given on this programme.
28:42It is very poor.
28:43Yeah, it does have a plus side,
28:45because it's given us another of those handy links
28:47that we like so much.
28:48Smooth.
28:49Because this, of course, is a classic.
28:51And that links us to this, our classic wall.
28:53You may remember a few weeks ago, we introduced this.
28:56The idea being, we sort out cars from the 80s and 90s,
28:59and we decide whether they're going to be future classics,
29:02over here, or just Crocs.
29:04Now, there are very strict rules to this.
29:06Unlike the cool wall, we're looking at rare, interesting, beautiful.
29:11A car has got to be two of those things, at least,
29:13to make it over here.
29:14Otherwise, it's over here.
29:16If you don't care what it is, it goes there.
29:17It ends up down there.
29:18Absolutely.
29:19So that's how it works.
29:20Two out of the three.
29:21Okay, I'm going to offer this one first,
29:22see what we think.
29:23It is the Mazda MX-5.
29:25What do we feel that's going to be?
29:26You reckon classic, classic?
29:27Oh, I'm surprised.
29:30I was expecting to hear classic on that,
29:32and I think you've shown great discernment,
29:34because it falls down on several.
29:36One, it certainly wasn't rare, there were loads of them.
29:38Interesting.
29:39Well, no, not really.
29:40It's a kind of fake Japanese take on a British sports car.
29:44I am told that they actually recorded
29:46and then recreated the sound of the gearbox
29:49on an old Triumph on this.
29:51It's a simple fake.
29:52Okay, so that goes in Croc.
29:54Hey!
29:55Well, I want you to think very carefully about this one.
29:59The Nissan Bluebird.
30:00Oh, my Lord!
30:01Well?
30:02Crock!
30:03Crock!
30:04Crock!
30:05Okay.
30:06Now, it's not rare.
30:07I'll give you that.
30:08But it is actually quite interesting.
30:09Okay?
30:10No, this is an interesting car.
30:11This is a British-built car that showed that British cars could be reliable.
30:16This is a landmark car for Britain, okay?
30:17And beautiful.
30:18Is it beautiful?
30:19No?
30:20Ah!
30:21Two o'clock in the morning when you roll out of a club.
30:22And one of these will take you home for two quid.
30:23That's the best-looking car in the world.
30:24Fantastic.
30:25Fair enough.
30:26Oh!
30:27It's got two of those qualities.
30:28It has to end up there.
30:29I'm not saying it's good.
30:30It's a future classic.
30:31That's all there is to this.
30:32Right, let's try this.
30:33The Peugeot 405 MI16.
30:34I don't know if you remember that car.
30:35Oh, God.
30:36I've got a second.
30:37Oh, God.
30:38Oh, God.
30:39Oh, God.
30:40Oh, God.
30:41Oh, God.
30:42Oh, God.
30:43Oh, God.
30:44Oh, God.
30:45Oh, God.
30:46Oh, God.
30:47Oh, God.
30:48Oh, God.
30:49Oh, God.
30:50Oh, God.
30:51Oh, God.
30:52Oh, God.
30:53Oh, God.
30:54Oh, God.
30:55I've got to say, this is quite impressive.
30:58I think there were quite a few classics there.
31:00I'll tell you why I reckon that is a classic.
31:02One, it was rare.
31:04Two, it was interesting, partly because technically it was quite clever, but also it had the coolest
31:09name ever given to a car.
31:11MI16.
31:12How good is that?
31:13It sounds like a gun.
31:15I mean, how much power would that give you?
31:18You're trying to get into a restaurant.
31:19Sorry, sir.
31:20You can't come here.
31:21It's full.
31:22Oh, really?
31:23We're the members of the MI16 Club.
31:24Yes, sir.
31:25You can have a table.
31:26It carries great power.
31:27And it is beautiful.
31:28Pin in for in a design.
31:29So that's all three categories done.
31:30That's a future classic.
31:31Right.
31:32The original Impreza Turbo.
31:37What do we think?
31:38Classic.
31:39Classic.
31:40Classic.
31:41It's interesting.
31:42Who said that?
31:43Who said it was common?
31:44How many have you seen?
31:45Your job's to shut up.
31:46It's a very good car.
31:47And if they don't put that in classic, one of them's going to be going home with that buried
32:00deep inside them.
32:01What I like is the way Jeremy's taken on a kind of a bouncer role here.
32:05And they're just leaping around the audience, looming at people.
32:08Right, the Impreza Turbo.
32:10It is interesting.
32:12Interesting spoiler.
32:13Interesting engine.
32:14Interesting intercooler gauge.
32:16Yes.
32:17One down, it's interesting.
32:18It's not rare, is it?
32:19No.
32:20I can see three of these from my bedroom window.
32:22Right?
32:23Parts on my street.
32:24So that's one nil.
32:25That's because you live next to a Subaru garage.
32:26No, it's not.
32:27Or over a kebab shop, either way.
32:30Right.
32:31It's one nil.
32:32It is interesting.
32:33It's not rare.
32:34Is it good looking?
32:35Yes!
32:36Yes!
32:37You said no.
32:38Why is it not good looking?
32:40It just looks like it's crashed into a Halfords car shop window.
32:42I said that's my joke!
32:44You should listen to yourself.
32:46May I continue?
32:47Yes.
32:48There's no pressure either, James.
32:49Don't worry.
32:50Interesting.
32:51Not rare.
32:56The Fiesta RS 1800.
33:04It's a Ford.
33:05I've just seen what's about to happen.
33:06Fords are magnificent in every world.
33:10And there can be no doubt that all Fords will one day be the classics.
33:15A fair few people have remembered what this nonsense is about.
33:18It's Jeremy's ongoing and pitiful attempt to ingratiate himself to Ford.
33:23He's one of 2,150 people who've got their name down to buy a GT40.
33:27Ford are only bringing 101 GTs into Europe.
33:30And he is trying to make them like him so that they let him have one.
33:33And it's over.
33:36It's pathetic.
33:38It's not pleasant.
33:40Right.
33:41Can I just explain something?
33:42I am an independent journalist and presenter.
33:44I don't have a Ford GT on order.
33:46It's not rare.
33:47It's not interesting.
33:48It looks like a shopping cart.
33:49Interestingly, I discovered that Rowan Atkinson and some footballer are thinking of putting their names down for one of those as well.
34:00Which means he's now got another two names down the list.
34:03There's not a chance we'll ever get one.
34:05Right.
34:07Onto some really important stuff.
34:09This is the first chance you've had to see the new Aston Martin DB9.
34:15It's a replacement for the DB7.
34:17And no, I don't know what happened to the DB8 either.
34:21But what I can tell you is that it's got the same engine as the DB7.
34:25V12, 6 litre, 450 brake horsepower.
34:29But apart from that, everything is new.
34:31It's got a new type of very light, very stiff chassis.
34:35And inside, well, you get a lot more space than you did in the old DB7.
34:40And they've gone for a kind of Range Rover feel, really.
34:43There's lots of wood, lots of leather, but it's very, very modern.
34:47Gearboxes, you can either have a proper manual or no gearbox at all by the looks of things.
34:52I think it's an automatic.
34:53And the only thing I would say in there, not quite as many Ford switches as I would have liked.
34:59What?
35:00It needs an air of quality.
35:03Erm, it's going on sale early next year, priced at £104,000.
35:08Now, that's about £35,000 more than the V8 one we had in the series.
35:14Yep, it's a bit bigger.
35:15Only one. It's bigger than the V8, which is coming out in 2005.
35:18It's got two more seats than that.
35:20But, you know, all of these really are mere details compared to the looks of it.
35:27It's not as radical as my Lagonda, is it?
35:29But...
35:30Ooh!
35:31It is gorgeous, isn't it? You would agree?
35:33Yeah.
35:34It's absolutely stunning.
35:35I said at the top of the show that really, in 1966, we were at our peak for designing cars.
35:40But this shows that Aston Martin...
35:42A beacon.
35:43...they're still holding the torch for car design.
35:45Fantastic.
35:46Sadly, we can't drive it because it's pre-production.
35:49But, actually, you know, we haven't driven a new car in this show so far.
35:54No, you're right, actually, we haven't.
35:55So, the Audi TT.
35:57Now, for, I don't know, a year or so, this has been languishing right at the bottom of our cool wall.
36:03Seriously uncool, we reckon.
36:05And that's because, erm, what's that shop called where girls buy earrings and stuff?
36:11Yeah, I don't go there myself, it's accessorised.
36:14Accessorised.
36:15Accessorised, that's the one.
36:16Well, this, this is like a hair scrunchie thing for men.
36:30It's just so willfully stylish, so deliberately hip and cool.
36:35Look at those air vents and the switches.
36:38It's all form and forget the function.
36:44This means you can't just get in it and go.
36:49You have to look the part.
36:51Look at everyone in a TT.
36:55They're at the shockwave in front of the cutting edge.
36:58There is symphony of hair product and all that's new from the catwalks of Milan.
37:03And this look takes time.
37:08Most people have an hour or so between getting home from work and going out.
37:14But when you have a TT, this isn't enough.
37:18No.
37:19No.
37:23No.
37:25No.
37:26Hi.
37:27I've got an elite TT, but you knew that.
37:30Blue car?
37:31Pink?
37:33Pink?
37:34Yes.
37:35Perfect.
37:37And I think a suit.
37:39Yes.
37:40Very good.
37:41Oh, my God.
37:42Green and blue should not be seen without a colour in between.
37:58Grey.
37:59Grey between the blue of the colour and the green of the lining.
38:02That's good.
38:12Shoes.
38:14I may need some advice on that.
38:16So, I went to see one of my neighbours.
38:21Hello.
38:22How are you?
38:23I was just wondering, which one of these shoes goes best with this suit?
38:28I don't know what those are still doing there because we made you throw them away.
38:30I hardly recognise because they're so filthy, but they're the only ones you can wear with that suit.
38:33But clean them first, Jeremy.
38:34Thanks.
38:35Bye.
38:36See you soon.
38:37Finally, after three hours, you're ready to go.
38:42Hi.
38:43I've got an Audi TT.
38:49And here's the problem.
38:51You see, the TT was never fast enough to make up the time you lost by getting ready.
38:56Now, however, there's a new version.
38:58It's still four-wheel drive, but it comes with a whopping 3.2-litre V6, the same engine they put in the hot golf.
39:11It certainly sounds good.
39:15They've used the same exhaust technology that we first saw, I think, at Ferrari 355.
39:23So, it's very quiet when you're cruising and then a bit snorty when you're not.
39:29There's no turbo lag either, so it's got press-and-go acceleration to match your wash-and-go shampoo.
39:42However, because it's quite a heavy engine, you only get something like five brake horsepower per tonne more than you got in the old turbo car.
39:51So, it's only slightly faster.
39:55The engine, then, hasn't solved the problem.
40:01You're going to arrive looking good, but you're still going to be late.
40:06There is, however, another time-saving device in here.
40:10It's got a flappy paddle gearbox.
40:16Now, normally I hate these things because they don't work properly, but I hate this one for a different reason.
40:21You see, it's new.
40:23And that means I've got to try and make what they've done sound interesting.
40:29God help me.
40:36The idea is that I'm in second gear now, but there's a second clutch which already has third gear spinning and ready to go.
40:45So, when I pull this lever, bang, the change is completely instant.
40:49And now the clutch that did have second gear is preparing fourth.
40:55How mind-numbingly boring is that?
40:59Apparently, each change takes 0.02 of a second.
41:06That's nearly amazing.
41:09And about 0.4 of a second faster than you can change gear yourself.
41:150.4 of a second.
41:18So, imagine how much time that saves you over a journey.
41:22This is time you could spend at home cleaning.
41:25You could plait your ear hair.
41:27Imagine how good that would look.
41:34You don't seem to be able to catch it out either.
41:37I've just gone first, second, third.
41:39So, it's bound to assume I want fourth next.
41:43But I've suddenly decided, oh, second.
41:46And it did it.
41:47How did it know?
41:49How did it know what I was going to do next?
41:52It's witchcraft.
41:53I must say, this is the only flappy paddle gearbox that works.
42:01But there is a price to pay.
42:06And the price is the price.
42:09This car is very nearly £30,000.
42:12And I'm sorry, but that really is far too much.
42:20Nearly £30,000.
42:22Now, that Mazda RX-8, that's about £7,000 less than this.
42:26Yep, it is.
42:27And, in fact, even that Nissan 350Z, that's £5,000 less than this.
42:31It is.
42:32And next week, we're testing the Chrysler Crossfire.
42:34And that's cheaper too.
42:35There are an awful lot of new coupes around at the moment.
42:38So, really, we've got to put this one on the track, see how it does.
42:42So, to test its flappy paddle gearbox, I'll hand you over to the totally unflappable Mr Stig.
42:49And away he goes.
42:51Four-wheel drive, of course, and a dry track today, so there should be plenty of grip.
42:55Let's see in the first corner.
42:57Oh dear, no, sliding all over the shop.
43:00Just listen to the tyre squeal.
43:03Stig enjoying the music from the Kingsmill right out there.
43:06Look at the state of that, I've seen less understeer than an ice skater.
43:15If it's that bad in Chicago, what will it make of Hammerhead?
43:19That is appalling.
43:22I've never seen such a shambles.
43:25In fact, the Stig said the TT handled like a clown car as it lumbers through the second-to-last corner there, up to Gambon.
43:32Oh, God, look, Merchant Ramble and the steer.
43:37And what's the line?
43:39Well, it took one minute, 32.7 seconds, so that's...
43:45It's a little bit faster than the Golf R 32.
43:48Yeah.
43:49Not brilliant, though, really.
43:50Anyway, can I raise a question with you here, Jeremy?
43:52Earlier on, we saw you driving around in that Mercedes, the SL, the 1960s one.
43:55Yeah.
43:56You said that.
43:57It was £30,000 and it was very good to look at and it wasn't very fast and you really, really liked it.
44:01Yeah.
44:02Okay.
44:03Then you drove this, the Audi TT, and you said it cost £30,000 and it's very good to look at and it's slow and you really don't like it.
44:09Yes.
44:10Well, well done.
44:11Top marks for consistency, Clarkson, sticking to your message.
44:13No, the point is, if you drive an Audi TT, you are the same as every estate agent from here to Humberside.
44:19So you've got to make a big effort with your hair and everything, okay?
44:22If you drive a Mercedes SL, everyone goes, what a great car.
44:25And let's be honest, the Dimbleby Brothers have one of those.
44:28Yeah.
44:29Didn't they do long train running?
44:30Is that right?
44:31You see, this is what I've had to put up with.
44:34He thought Colin Powell was the drummer with Black Sabbath.
44:37Look, we've had a bit of an argument this week, to be honest.
44:43And it's about this very subject.
44:45The old, wise, versus the new.
44:48The future, as I like to look at it.
44:50And it's down to cars, because we agree on some stuff.
44:53No, no, as I like to look at it is this.
44:55Bad company versus busted.
44:58So this is how it's been all week.
45:00Great fun.
45:01I mean, we do agree on some stuff.
45:03Like, old cars, we agreed, apart from the new Aston Martin, old cars are about to look at.
45:06They're better looking.
45:07They're better looking.
45:08They're more comfortable.
45:09They're safer.
45:10Newer cars are safer.
45:11We agree on all that.
45:12Kinder to the environment.
45:13However, I believe that cars these days are getting slower.
45:18And I believe you're just being stupid when you say that.
45:22Because Jackie Stewart had only 400 brake horsepower to win the Formula 1 championship in 1973.
45:28Yeah.
45:29400 brake horsepower.
45:30You can get that nowadays in an Audi.
45:32Yes, but an Audi weighs more than the moon.
45:34And so it just goes on and on and on.
45:37So we have agreed the only way to settle this is out on our track.
45:41Absolutely.
45:42So we have got, to start the ball rolling, a Golf GTI from my generation and a Golf GTI from his generation.
45:50And we're going to have a little race.
45:51And we're going to have a little race.
45:53Okay.
45:54And they are away.
45:55And you'll notice, I think, that the mark won.
45:58Yes, it's in the lead.
45:59It is in the lead.
46:00Come on, come on, come on, come on.
46:01It's there.
46:02That's not right.
46:03And so...
46:04And so the new Golf, which is as sporty as actually playing Golf, loses the first round to my generation and wins the first round of the Top Gear generation game, which is what we've come up with here.
46:23Yes.
46:24This is how it's going to work.
46:25Okay.
46:26So this is the second round.
46:27These two cars, two Toyotas.
46:28First, the lightweight, modern, fleet, efficient, nimble, new MR2.
46:34And then the old, rather bland and boring MR2 representing the past.
46:37What do we think?
46:38Which one?
46:39Newer.
46:40Obviously the newer.
46:41What do you think?
46:42It's the future.
46:43Older one.
46:44You think the old one will win?
46:45Newer.
46:46Older one.
46:47You see?
46:48He's 12.
46:49He knows nothing.
46:50The old one.
46:51But we got hands up for the old one.
46:53Yeah.
46:54Okay.
46:55Yeah.
46:56What if they can get their hands...
46:57These races, I should explain, they're not being held over a quarter of a mile.
47:00No.
47:01Because that's what you would be expecting us to do.
47:03We are doing them over a fifth of a mile.
47:06You know what?
47:07We're punchy and we're quick, so run the take.
47:09Okay, let's have a look at this.
47:10Right.
47:11Here we are on the line.
47:12The old MR2 in the front, getting off the line.
47:14Now, let's see.
47:15The Fast Fleet new one is, I think, getting ahead, you'll find.
47:18It is technically quicker to 60 miles an hour and it's...
47:21Oh, it's a complete!
47:22Look at that!
47:23Creaking its way over there!
47:26Rubbish!
47:27Absolute rubbish!
47:28Now, I mean, your car looked like it was designed with a ruler.
47:32And, in fact, from that speed it looked like the wheels were as well, Jeremy.
47:35It was rubbish.
47:36So, this one is...
47:37It's just gone.
47:38It's just...
47:39It was close.
47:40Okay, the next one...
47:41Ah!
47:42Cosi!
47:43Cosi!
47:44Well, before we get into that, I'd just like to say that I actually don't believe there
47:48will be a loser here.
47:49It'll be first and second.
47:50We've got the Ford Escort Cosworth.
47:52I used to have one of these, turbocharged four-wheel drive.
47:55And the truly magnificent Focus RS.
47:59Right, right.
48:00Glorious in every way, both of them.
48:01Yeah.
48:02I know why you're doing this.
48:04Did you actually say about the Focus RS, I seem to remember you said it was undriveable on the road.
48:10No.
48:11No, that's what you said.
48:12Well, yes.
48:13As you know, my mind has been changed somewhat.
48:15And anyway, you can drop this, I'm not getting a GT thing, because I've got an email here.
48:20And it's from a man who works at Ford, and he says he's been trying to get tickets to come to the show, to watch the recording.
48:26And he says, I have access to the room where all the Ford GT application forms are being held.
48:32He would be happy to undertake a highly risky and elaborate manoeuvre to get in there and move Mr. Clarkson's application form up the list for a pair of tickets to Top Gear one day.
48:41Well, I mean, he's just banished himself from here forever.
48:44The man will never ever be allowed in.
48:46So, sorry mate, you're...
48:47I anticipated your every move, Mr. Hammond.
48:50He is here!
48:51I invited him down!
48:53There he is in the glasses.
48:56And, and I'm taking him out for dinner afterwards, and we're going to have a lovely lobster.
49:01Oh, just leave it!
49:03Anyway, shall we see which two of these great cars wins this one?
49:06I'm hoping it's the Cosmos, obviously.
49:08Four-wheel-drive against two-wheel-drive.
49:11And away they go!
49:12Oh, the Cosmos has a lightning stop!
49:15I'm sorry, it looks like your busted generation's been completely...
49:19So, there we are.
49:21A draw.
49:22That's not right!
49:24What's going on?
49:27You can't have these dinosaurs beating the future, it's wrong!
49:31Throw it away.
49:32Right.
49:33You have to throw away a Ford there, Jeremy.
49:34No, I just carefully dropped it.
49:36Obviously it's lovely.
49:37You threw it to me.
49:38Right, next two cars, Peugeot's.
49:40We have the new 206 GTI and the old, creaky 205 GTI.
49:45The 1.9 GTI.
49:46From the past, where Jeremy comes from.
49:48Hold on.
49:50There seems to be a general consensus that the older cars are quicker and that you are wrong.
49:54Now they're feeling sorry for the message.
49:56You should call me my master, Obi-Wan, the wise doctor, and the young apprentice.
50:00A big noisy dinosaur.
50:01It depends how you want it looking.
50:03Well, let's find out.
50:04Here we go.
50:05The old, creaky 205 GTI on the line.
50:08And they're away.
50:09Let's have a look.
50:10It's close.
50:11It's not close.
50:12It's not close.
50:13It's not close.
50:14It isn't close.
50:15You're right.
50:16It couldn't be any less close.
50:18Yeah.
50:19Good grief.
50:21That was rubbish.
50:23I'm just looking at the power to weight ratio of that new car.
50:26Of a new one.
50:27Of a new one.
50:28The new one.
50:29And it is extraordinary.
50:30It's managed to be so heavy when it's made from spit and Kleenex.
50:32So where are we?
50:33We're actually two all.
50:35Two older ones.
50:36Two newer ones.
50:37It's all down to the final two.
50:42Crikey.
50:43And they are.
50:45Oh!
50:46This should be good.
50:47The Nissan 356.
50:49Damn, I was rather hoping it wouldn't be those two.
50:52And then there's a great big fat old thing here.
50:55Twin turbocharged.
50:57Giant wobbly car for putting Americans in.
51:00Twin turbocharged versus the one designed by a man from Leicester.
51:06Okay.
51:07Okay.
51:08Well, here we go.
51:10He said rather nervously.
51:11Good luck.
51:13It's got a bad start.
51:15But turbocharged.
51:17Come on.
51:18Come on.
51:19Come on.
51:20Yes.
51:21Yes.
51:22Yes.
51:23Yes.
51:24Yes.
51:25Yes.
51:26Yes.
51:27Yes.
51:28Yes.
51:29Oh.
51:33Yes.
51:34Yes.
51:35What hope is there for us all?
51:36Yes.
51:37And so on that crushing blow for Richard Atomic Kitten hamster…
51:42Says Mr. Jeremy
51:43Jethro Tull Clarkson…
51:45Has a ring, I think.
51:46We'll see you again next week, God knows what time!
51:50God knows what time.
51:52See you then. Bye.
51:55And there's more from the Top Gear team next Sunday on BBC Prime.
51:59Well, next tonight, Napa Tech examines why sufferers have no control over when they sleep.
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