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*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
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00:06Music
00:07Music
00:08Music
00:08Music
00:10Music
00:15Music
00:25I know
00:28Well it all started
00:29With that electrician didn't it
00:30Real live why he was
00:32Only one watt but plenty of volts as they say
00:35Music
00:38Well anything in
00:39Trousers yes
00:40Or out of them preferably
00:43Music
00:44Music
00:44No just lighting up go on
00:50Music
00:51I know I heard that
00:53With her mother in the same room
00:56No no no no no of course I won't go on
01:04Basil
01:04Yes dear
01:06Oh no who saw them
01:07Basil
01:08Yes dear
01:09Could you come and attend to a gentleman out here dear
01:12Nineteen
01:13What you mean out where you are dear
01:15Well last one was only 22
01:17It was
01:18That's right I'm quite busy in here dear
01:20Are you very busy out there
01:21I'm on the telephone Basil
01:22My husband will be with you in a moment
01:24Yeah thank you
01:24So I'll stop work and come out there
01:26Shall I dear
01:26Oh no no the Maltese one
01:28Well I'm glad that's settled then
01:31No no dear he was an Arab
01:33Darling when you've finished
01:34Why don't you have a nice lie down
01:36I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting sir
01:38I had no idea my wife was so busy
01:40Fear not kind sir
01:41It matters not one whit
01:43Beg your pardon
01:44It matters not one whit
01:46Time is not pressing on me fortunately
01:49Now some information please
01:50This afternoon I have to visit the town for some repurposes
01:53Which would be of no interest to you I'm quite sure
01:55But nevertheless I shall require your aid in getting for me
01:58Some sort of transport
01:59Some hired vehicle that is to get me to my first port of call
02:02Are you all right?
02:03Are you?
02:04Yes I find the air here most invigorating
02:06I see
02:07What did I gather from your first announcement that you want a taxi?
02:10In a nutshell
02:11Case more
02:13At two o'clock please
02:14Well there's the number of the local firm
02:15Now please please
02:16Could you get it for me
02:17Because I never use the telephone if I can avoid it
02:19Why not?
02:20Risk of infection
02:21So when I finish right
02:23Now I have a rendezvous at five o'clock at this address
02:25Which I must reach from the post office in Queens Square
02:28Now as the map is sadly inadequate
02:30I would be very grateful if you could draw me a diagram of the optimum route
02:34Well may I ask what's wrong with the map?
02:36Well it's got curry on it
02:36Well look it's perfectly simple
02:38You go to the end of Queens Parade and
02:41Would you?
02:41No just listen
02:42No I just want a diagram
02:43No it's really very simple
02:44I'd rather have a diagram if it won't put you out
02:46Well it does put me out
02:47Well I'd like it all the same
02:50Basil
02:51Right
02:52Yeah then
02:53We do have pens
02:54Oh yeah
02:54We have actually got pens in the hotel thank you so much
02:58Somewhere
02:58I mean where are the pens?
03:00I mean would you believe it?
03:01I mean there are no pens here
03:02I mean this is supposed to be a hotel
03:06Well what are they doing in there?
03:07I put them there
03:08Why?
03:09Just sign there Mr. Walt
03:10Because you're always losing them Basil
03:12I am not always losing them
03:14People take them
03:14Well they don't take them from me
03:16They wouldn't dare
03:17Well I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd suddenly done that after 12 years dear
03:21I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little bit below par this morning
03:24There we are
03:24Don't be silly Basil
03:25Well it's written there quite clearly on the top of the box
03:28Pens?
03:29And it's more like Ben's to me
03:30Well when Ben comes you can give it to him
03:33Mr. Walt's in room 7
03:34What do you think?
03:35Doesn't that look like Ben's to you?
03:36Not really
03:37Well it does to me
03:38Look there's a P
03:39No I don't quite understand this
03:40Where is the post office?
03:42Er it's there where it says post office
03:43I'm sorry if it's confusing
03:44No
03:47Oh yeah
03:47P off
03:49You've used the abbreviation
03:51Ah the penny's dropped
03:52Yeah well I thought it said boff
03:54Of course
03:54Yes and I thought that boff was a locale you see
03:57A name of a district you see
03:58That P looks like a B
03:59No it doesn't
04:00Yes it does a little loop on the bottom of it
04:01Excuse me would you say that was a P of a B
04:03Er
04:03There there does it say boff or does it say poff?
04:06Hello
04:06There there it's a P isn't it?
04:07I suppose so
04:08P off
04:08I beg your poff
04:10P off
04:10P off
04:11P off?
04:11Who ever heard of a post office?
04:14Nine
04:14What?
04:15Room nine
04:16Room seven
04:17Er Manuel would you take these cases to room seven please?
04:20Okay
04:23He thinks boff is a locale
04:25He thinks what?
04:26You know some zone
04:27Some a province in equatorial talk
04:35Manuel will show you to your room if you're lucky
04:38Excuse me excuse me
04:39Er in how many minutes does luncheon commence please?
04:42Twelve
04:42Here I'll write it down for you
04:43Well
04:44Don't forget the taxi will you?
04:46Two o'clock
04:46Yes and if anybody wants me I'll be in the lounge
04:49If anybody wants you?
04:50I'll be in the lounge
04:52Anyone in particular?
04:53I mean Henry Kissinger?
04:55Just anyone with a big net
04:56I don't know what it is about this place
04:57I mean some of the people we get in here
04:59What are you on about?
05:00I wish you'd help a bit
05:01You're always refurbishing yourself
05:03What?
05:04Oh never mind never mind
05:05Don't shout at me I've had a difficult morning
05:07Oh dear
05:08What happened?
05:09Did you get entangled in the ida down again?
05:11Hmm?
05:11Not enough for you
05:12What did you have to talk to all your friends for so long
05:15You didn't have time to perm your ears?
05:19Actually Basil I've been working
05:21You know what I mean by working don't you dear
05:24I mean getting things done as opposed to squabbling with the guests
05:27I would find it a little easier to cope with some of the cretins we get in here my little
05:31nest of vipers
05:31If I got a smidgen of cooperation from you
05:34Cooperation? That's a laugh
05:36The day you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box
05:37I've never heard such rudeness
05:39Look if you think I'm going to fawn to some of the yoboes we get in here
05:42This is a hotel Basil not a postal
05:44And it might help business if you could have a little more courtesy
05:48Just a little
05:49I suppose talking to Audrey for half an hour helps business does it?
05:52It was about business for your information
05:54Audrey has some news that may interest you
05:56Oh really this will be good
05:57Let me guess the mayor wears a toupee
05:59Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats
06:01Am I getting warm?
06:02There are some hotel inspectors in town
06:06What?
06:08What does she know?
06:10That's all she knows
06:10Well how does she know?
06:12A friend of Bill Morton's overheard three men in a pub last night
06:15Comparing notes on places they've just been in Exeter
06:17Three men? I'll call Bill
06:18You don't have to call Bill Basil
06:20Just try to exercise a little courtesy
06:26Papers arrived 40 years
06:28Not yet no major
06:29No sorry
06:30Sorry
06:42Could you do that in a moment please?
06:44I'm on the telephone
06:45Well you haven't finished dial in yet have you?
06:46Now listen
06:48There was a documentary on BBC 2 this evening
06:51About Squawking Bird the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s
06:55Now this starts at 8.45 and goes on for approximately three quarters of an hour
06:59I'm sorry are you talking to me?
07:00Indeed I am yes
07:01Now is it possible for me to reserve the BBC 2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?
07:06Why don't you talk properly?
07:07I beg your pardon?
07:08No it isn't
07:09What?
07:09It is not possible to reserve the BBC 2 channel from the commencement of this televisual feast
07:13Until the moment of the termination of its ending
07:15Thank you so much
07:16Oh I see
07:16Well might I suggest then that you introduce such a scheme?
07:18No
07:20I would just like to tell you that I have a wide experience of hotels
07:24And some of those of my acquaintance have had the foresight to introduce this facility for the benefit of their
07:29guests
07:30No I see you have a wide experience of hotels
07:32Yes in my professional activities I am in constant contact with them
07:35Are you? Are you really?
07:36Yes well then is it possible for me to hire a television set to view the programme in the privacy
07:43of my own room?
07:44I beg your pardon?
07:45Have you the facility to hire a television set to one of your guests?
07:50Ah good point I'm glad you asked me that and not as such
07:53Oh
07:53However we do have plans to introduce such a scheme in the near future
07:56Yes well that's not much use to me tonight is it?
07:58No but I'll tell you what why don't I introduce another scheme straight away along the lines that you've already
08:03suggested by which I reserve the BBC 2 channel for you tonight
08:06Now that's more like it
08:07Ah well not at all I mean that's what we're here for isn't it?
08:09Yes
08:10Is there anything else before I call your taxi?
08:12Well yes there is somebody in there mentioned that you had a table tennis table
08:16Indeed we do yes it is not in absolutely mint condition but it could certainly be used in an emergency
08:22Ah
08:22It is to be found in the south wing overlooking the courtyard where there is of course ample parking
08:26Ah Polly and Mr Hutchison may I introduce Polly Sherman who is with us at the moment
08:31How do you do?
08:31How do you do?
08:32Well wait a minute we've met before I think
08:34Yes I served you at breakfast
08:35Oh yes and you spilt the grapefruit juice didn't you you naughty girl
08:38And you moved the glass didn't you?
08:40Thank you thank you Polly is awfully nice girl very bright she's a fully qualified painter you know
08:44Oh really?
08:46Ah good morning good morning ladies
08:49We do like to have girls that caliber that helps out it does add a certain er
08:52Well would you care to partake of lunch now?
08:54Well sure it's not yet
08:55Oh goodness me we don't worry about things like that here no fear I mean this is a hotel not
09:00a bostel
09:00What?
09:02Have you?
09:02He's not half past yet
09:03I was just saying to Mr Hutchison dear this is a hotel not a bostel
09:08Chef won't be ready Basil
09:09Leave it to me dear leave it to me
09:10Did you ring Bill?
09:11Er no dear not necessary
09:12What?
09:13Er explain later but I must look after Mr Hutchison now
09:16A Spanish omelette
09:18Yes and all on the plate please not on the tablecloth
09:22Excuse me you're not by any chance the Duke of Kent are you?
09:26No no no no no you got the wrong person there
09:28Ah Mr Hutchison
09:30Oh yes sir I'm going to have you a Spanish omelette
09:32Splendid
09:32Yes er I assume that all the vegetables within the omelette are fresh
09:36Oh yes yes
09:36Including the peas
09:38Oh yes they're fresh all right
09:39They're not frozen are they?
09:40Er well they're frozen yes
09:42Well I see well if they're frozen they're not fresh are they?
09:44Well I assure you they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen
09:46Oh dear
09:47There's a lot of this nowadays in hotels
09:49A lot of what?
09:50Yes I'll just have a cheese salad please
09:51What?
09:51Yes I only eat fresh vegetables you see I'll just have a cheese salad
09:54Well we could always do the omelette without the peas
09:56Oh no no no no
09:57I always feel that the peas are an integral part of the overall flavour you know
10:00And might I suggest that in future you avail yourself of sufficient quantities of the fresh articles?
10:05Look we've been so- yes yes good idea
10:07Now erm something to drink?
10:09Yes I'll have a ginger beer please
10:10A ginger beer?
10:11And a glass of fresh water
10:13Fresh water yes
10:14Mr Hutchison
10:15What?
10:16Telephone call for you at reception
10:17Telephone?
10:18Oh dear
10:19Oh dear
10:20Yeah
10:20Oh
10:22Clever
10:23Clever
10:27Clever
10:38Good afternoon
10:39No
10:42This is no sun it's no good for me
10:44I beg your pardon?
10:46I homesick yes
10:46Is there any way you'd like me to sit?
10:49What?
10:49I'm in room seven
10:50Oh yes please
10:51Here
10:51You go up
10:53Up
10:53All right
10:54Room seven
10:55No no
10:55Yes please I'll show you
10:56No look I want a table
10:58A table?
10:59For one
10:59Oh table one
11:00Oh please yes yes
11:01Table one
11:02So sorry
11:03Here here
11:04Table one
11:05Thank you
11:07See
11:07See
11:08Right
11:08See right
11:11So sorry but I think you say for room and I do it for I am not one to know
11:14it easily
11:15I'm sorry
11:16No no it's my fault
11:16Well I'll try the patty and the damn casserole
11:19You room ten
11:20No room seven
11:22No room seven
11:22Oh seven si
11:23Yes
11:24No no no this table one
11:26It's Wednesday
11:27Room seven is table five
11:29No please here
11:34Please
11:35Please
11:35So sorry
11:37It's
11:38Oh
11:39It's
11:40Seven is what I think you say
11:42For
11:43I
11:43You
11:44Come sit in English
11:46Pero solamente puedo ver los números cuando los tengo delante
11:49The patty and the lamb
11:50Si patty lamba patty lamba patty lamba patty lamba patty lamba
11:53Scroo
11:53Scroo
11:54Scroo
11:54Scroo
11:54Scroo
11:54Scroo
11:54Scroo
11:55Scroo
11:55What are you doing there?
12:02Well I
12:02Well you can't sit there it's taken
12:03Come on
12:04Look I've been moved once already
12:06Well you're in room seven aren't you
12:07Yes but the waiter said table five
12:08Well this isn't table five
12:10Oh
12:10Come would you come over here please
12:11I mean this is table five here come on
12:13Look I did ask the waiter
12:15Well he's hopeless isn't he
12:16You might as well ask the cat
12:17Now come on
12:19I beg your pardon
12:20Would you sit down please
12:22Thank
12:22Go
12:25I hate to trespass further on your valuable time but might I look at the wine list
12:29Now
12:30Yes please
12:31Excuse me
12:32Here we are
12:34Now
12:34Could I have an ashtray please
12:40Thank you
12:41Thank you I'll have a bottle of the Alox Corton 65
12:44The what?
12:45The Alox Corton 65
12:46Ah
12:47The Corton
12:48Ah
12:48Of course my pleasure
12:50Ah there you are Mr Archerson
12:51Nice to have you back again
12:52Yes not too close
12:53Please not too close
12:54Oh sorry
12:54I hope everything was to your satisfaction
12:56Yes well your earpiece was very greasy I've wiped it out for you
12:58Oh thank you
12:59Thank you so much
12:59Dreadfully greasy it was
13:01I don't know who's been using it
13:02Covered in brew cream
13:04Oh Polly
13:04Thank you
13:06Oh dear
13:06Oh that's tepid
13:08It's
13:09Oh have you got an ice bucket please
13:10An ice bucket?
13:11Yes well this ginger beer is distinctly warm
13:13Ah Polly an ice bucket for Mr Hutcherson please
13:16Thank you
13:17There we are
13:18From 65
13:21Ah
13:37There's a bit stood in there
13:37Ah
13:37A bit stood in there
13:37Ah
13:48A bit stood in there
13:49Sorry.
13:56Sorry.
14:33Thank you so much.
14:35May I congratulate you on your choice?
14:37Yes, excuse me.
14:39Yes?
14:40I'm afraid this is corked.
14:42I just uncorked it, didn't you see me?
14:45What?
14:46Look.
14:47No, no.
14:48No, you said I took it out of the bottle.
14:49That's how I managed to get the wine out of the bottle into your gloves.
14:52I don't mean that.
14:53I mean the wine is corked.
14:55The wine has reacted with the cork.
14:56And so?
14:57The wine has reacted with the cork and gone bad.
15:00Gone bad?
15:01May I?
15:09I don't know.
15:16I'd like a bottle that isn't corked.
15:17Right, that's cost me, hasn't it?
15:18Well, never mind.
15:19I'll get you another bottle.
15:19I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.
15:22I said I hope you're all enjoying your meals.
15:25Thank you, thank you.
15:26Excuse me.
15:27Excuse me.
15:28Table five?
15:29Yes?
15:29Are you having the lamb or the mackerel?
15:31The lamb.
15:31I'll have another one standing by, just in case.
15:35Well, let's give us a go then, shall we?
15:37Erm, Polly, would you get Mr Hutchison his main course, please?
15:41So sorry to keep you waiting.
15:42Mr Hutchison will be with you in just one moment.
15:46Sir?
15:50Yes, dear?
15:51How are you getting on with your hotel inspector?
15:54Oh, fine.
15:55Fine.
15:55He sells spoons.
16:02Sir?
16:03I listened in on his phone call.
16:05He works for a cutlery firm, but he specialises in spoons.
16:09You listened in?
16:10Yes.
16:11You listened in on a private call of one of our guests.
16:13That's right, Basil.
16:15Little rat.
16:15I'll get him for that.
16:16Now, Basil.
16:17Try him out with me.
16:18Try what?
16:19Pretending he's a hotel inspector.
16:20Do we hire television sets, fresh peas, ice buckets?
16:24Basil, it was your mistake.
16:25Now, you let me handle it.
16:26Basil!
16:29This whole inspector business was in your own imagination.
16:31It's nothing to do with him.
16:32There is no excuse for rudeness.
16:34Do you understand?
16:35Do you understand?
16:36Do you understand?
16:37Yes!
16:38Good.
16:40LAUGHTER
16:42LAUGHTER
16:44LAUGHTER
16:45Are you trying to get some here?
16:47Not yet, Major.
16:48Oh, thank you.
16:50Oh, thank you.
16:56Spoons, eh?
16:59I'm sorry?
17:01Spoons.
17:06I beg your pardon?
17:08I understand you're in the spoon trade.
17:09Oh, well, yes.
17:10Ah, fascinating.
17:12Fascinating.
17:12How...
17:13How absorbing for you.
17:14Yes, well, as much...
17:14So much more interesting than being a hotel inspector!
17:18What?
17:21Well, thank you.
17:22No, miss, miss, miss.
17:23Yes?
17:23I didn't order that.
17:24Er, is there something we can get you, Mr Hutchison?
17:27A tea cosy for your pepper pot, perhaps?
17:28What?
17:29No, no, no, no.
17:30I changed the order, you see.
17:31Er, what seems to be the trouble?
17:33Well, I thought Mr Hutchison ordered an omelette.
17:34No, he went off it, Polly, so he changed the order.
17:36It's perfectly simple.
17:37Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't told.
17:39Well, I told Chef, so he should have told you.
17:40Well, he didn't.
17:41Well, is that my fault?
17:42No, is it mine?
17:42No, it is.
17:43What?
17:43It's the chef's fault.
17:44A big pardon?
17:45Well, clearly, in a case like this, where the order's been changed, the chef's been informed,
17:48it's his responsibility...
17:49You want to come around the place?
17:50What?
17:50You want to come around the hotel?
17:52Right, Mr Hutchison's taking over, Polly, so I'll have the omelette.
17:54I'm sure with his natural charm and a fine experience, we know more problems.
17:57Come on, can't sit around all day.
17:58There's lots to be done.
18:00No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
18:01no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
18:05no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
18:17I did order the omelette in the first place, but then I changed my mind.
18:21Oh, I see.
18:21Well, I'll just go in the kitchen and find out what's happened.
18:31Manuel?
18:32Nice.
18:33The bottle.
18:34Er, yes.
18:35Where is it?
18:36Okay.
18:36Oh, I take it.
18:38I take it, I take it.
18:40Come here.
18:40Where?
18:41You're a waste of space.
18:42Oh!
18:48There we are.
18:49No, no, no, no.
18:50Just a moment, please.
18:51Yes?
18:52I did not order that.
18:53You didn't?
18:53I did not.
18:54I'm sorry.
18:55There's an order for a patty for this table.
18:57Oh, dear me.
18:57Things do seem to be going wrong today, don't they?
19:00And, er, Sybil taking care of things, are you?
19:02Yes, thank you, Basil.
19:02Good.
19:03Everything's all right, then?
19:03Well, it appears that I've been...
19:05We're just sorting it out.
19:05Thank you, Basil.
19:06That's fine.
19:06You didn't order patty meson.
19:08No, I did not.
19:09I ordered the omelette.
19:09Oh, well, I'll leave you to deal with in the first place.
19:12No, no, no.
19:28How did you do that?
19:30What?
19:30Well, where did you get it?
19:32Where did I get it?
19:33That's right.
19:33I mean, how did you get it?
19:34Well, the waiter opened it for me.
19:36The waiter opened it for you?
19:38Yes.
19:38I've told you about him, haven't I?
19:41No!
19:43Oh, no!
19:44No, for goodness sake!
19:45What is it?
19:46What is it?
19:47What is it?
19:47He did not order a lamb casserole.
19:49No, he didn't.
19:50He did not order one, Polly, so why has he got one?
19:52Because Mrs. Fawlty told me to give him one.
19:54I know how she feels.
19:55I've got one.
19:57Who took the order?
19:59I don't know.
20:00Meanwhile, I mean, look, how could it be so difficult to get a cheese salad?
20:04You want to run the place?
20:05No, no.
20:06I just want a cheese salad.
20:06Right, well, shut up, then.
20:07I beg your pardon.
20:08I'll give you a cheese salad, Mrs. Fawlty.
20:09And don't listen to anyone.
20:10Just get him a cheese salad.
20:11See?
20:12Ah!
20:13Excuse me!
20:14I've changed my mind.
20:15I do not want the cheese salad.
20:17I wish to cancel it.
20:18I'm not used to being spork and too like that, Mr. Fawlty.
20:20And I've no wish to continue my luncheon.
20:22Well, I do apologise if what I said just now seemed to trifle brusque.
20:25Brusque?
20:25It was rude, Mr. Fawlty.
20:27I said rude!
20:28Well, I'm deeply sorry if it came over like that.
20:30I mean, nothing could have been further from my mind.
20:31You told me to shut up!
20:33No, no.
20:33He told me to shut up.
20:35He what?
20:35He said it to me!
20:36Oh, no.
20:36I was looking at you, but I was talking to Polly, wasn't I, Polly?
20:39Oh, yes.
20:40Did you notice, then, that I was looking at you, but talking to her?
20:43What?
20:43You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me, wasn't he?
20:46Wasn't I?
20:47What?
20:47So you weren't being rude, were you, Mr. Fawlty?
20:49Absolutely not.
20:50You see?
20:51Me?
20:51Yes.
20:52Yeah, but if you say shut up to somebody, that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
20:55Well, not necessarily.
20:56I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
20:57Yes.
20:57I beg your pardon?
20:58Ah, there.
20:59You see how easily these misunderstandings occur?
21:01Oh, yes, I do.
21:01So, won't he salad then, please, Polly?
21:04Certainly, Mr. Hatterson.
21:05And if there's anything else, please don't hesitate to ask.
21:06Yes, thank you.
21:13I'm so sorry.
21:14He's from Barcelona.
21:17I, er, I trust your patio is satisfactory?
21:19Yes, yes, thank you.
21:20Oh, good, good.
21:21The chef buys it himself, you know.
21:22Buys it?
21:23Oh, yes, he insists on it.
21:24I imagine the, er, Corton complimented it delightfully?
21:27Yes, it's very good.
21:28Ah, excellent.
21:29More like a 66, really.
21:31Is it?
21:32Well, lots of body.
21:33Oh.
21:36Yes, yes, quite right.
21:38Well, it's always a pleasure to, er, meet someone who appreciates the boudoir of the grape.
21:42I'm afraid most of the people we get in here don't know a Bordeaux from a Claret.
21:45A Bordeaux is a Claret.
21:48Oh, Bordeaux is a Claret.
21:49Yes, yes, but they wouldn't know that.
21:51No, you obviously drink a lot.
21:52Uh, wine, I mean.
21:54Well, not a lot.
21:54I mean, a fair amount.
21:55I mean, the right amount for a connoisseur.
21:56I mean, that doesn't mean you're a does it.
21:58I mean, some people drink it by the crease.
21:59But that's not being a connoisseur.
22:00Oh, that's just plain sloshed.
22:03Oh, Bordeaux is one of the Clarets, all right.
22:05One.
22:05Oh, yes.
22:07Ha!
22:08Ha!
22:09Ha!
22:11So, you're down here on business, are you?
22:13What?
22:13You're not in the wine trade, by any chance.
22:15No, we're not.
22:16We're?
22:17I'm down here on business with a couple of colleagues and we are not in the wine trade.
22:20Ah, it's just that you're obviously so expert.
22:22No, I'm not expert.
22:23Oh, but you are.
22:24No, I'm not.
22:25Oh, yes, you are.
22:25I am not an expert.
22:27Truly?
22:27What?
22:30Three of you?
22:31Yes, there are three of us.
22:32Well, the other two aren't here.
22:33They're staying at another event.
22:38So, it's all right, is it?
22:39What?
22:40Well, I mean, things in general.
22:41I mean, the wine's really good.
22:42Yes.
22:42And the pate was all right.
22:43Yes, I said so.
22:44And the casserole?
22:45I haven't tasted it yet.
22:48Mmm!
22:49I've not been given the chance.
22:51Oh, no, come on, now.
22:52This is quite absurd.
22:53I'm sorry.
22:54I do not want the omelette.
22:56It's nice.
22:56I don't want the bloody thing.
22:58I've sent it back once.
22:59Yes, give it to me.
22:59I fail to see how this sort of thing can happen.
23:02There.
23:02I've torn it up.
23:03You'll never see it again.
23:04All I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:06Oh, I wanted one cheese salad.
23:08There we are, sir.
23:09I'm so glad everything is to our satisfaction.
23:10No, it is not.
23:11It is absolutely ridiculous.
23:13I mean, you are supposed to be running a hotel.
23:15My, that does look good.
23:16Yes.
23:16I've had the omelette, and then I had a prawn cocktail with a bloody silly name.
23:19Look at that cheddar.
23:20It's delicious.
23:20Then I had a plate of stew, and then a bloody omelette again.
23:23Yes.
23:23Well, can we keep you down?
23:24Well, I mean, all I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:25It wasn't as though I'd ordered an elephant here on a bun, was it?
23:28Thank you, sir.
23:28Thank you, sir.
23:29I mean, the whole thing is...
23:30Please, have this.
23:30It's ridiculous.
23:31I mean, for a man who's supposed to be running a hotel, your behaviour, your behaviour is totally
23:37incredible.
23:38He's making it to the restaurant now, sir.
23:41Is there anything else...
23:42Yeah!
23:43That cheese, that little stuff.
23:45I don't know.
23:46Breathe!
23:46It's all right.
23:46He's only joking.
23:48Don't worry, a bit of cheese went the wrong way.
23:54Never mind.
23:55He's fainted.
23:56Oh, no.
23:57Poor Chad, a bit of cheese.
23:59Yes, please.
24:03What's happened?
24:04You fainted, do you?
24:05Wait...
24:06You've got a bit of cheese stuff.
24:07Basil, you do not faint from getting a bit of cheese stuff.
24:09I was giving him a bit of a pat on the back and he sort of moved just as I
24:12was...
24:13What have you done, Basil?
24:14Nothing. He moved just as I was trying to...
24:16Oh, my God. Call the doctor.
24:17Look, I can handle this.
24:18I can handle it.
24:18Call the doctor.
24:19I can handle it. Right, obviously, I can't handle it.
24:21I'm just a great saber-toothed tart, so we'll let my husband do it.
24:25Oh, I'm so sorry to have left you.
24:27I trust you enjoyed your meal?
24:28Yes, thank you. I was wondering...
24:29The casserole was really good, was it?
24:31Well, it was adequate.
24:32Oh, quite, yes, exactly.
24:33I'm afraid our chef at lunch today is not our regular.
24:36Incidentally, I'm sorry about that poor chap choking himself like that.
24:39I was wondering if you had a telephone, I might hear you.
24:41Oh, yes, please.
24:41Don't know how you managed to do it, but...
24:43Ah, there he is. Good.
24:44Ah, Mr. Hutchinson, very well.
24:46What a fight for shame about that bit of cheese getting stuck in the old windpipe like that.
24:49Would you like to go in there and discuss it?
24:51No, I'd prefer to come in here and discuss it.
24:53Oh, fine. I'm afraid it's a little bit of a mess.
24:59Well, that lie down seems to have done you some good.
25:04Oh, I'm sorry.
25:13I'm not a violent man, Mr. Fawlty.
25:17Yes, you are.
25:17Oh, no, I'm not.
25:18No, but when I'm insulted and then attacked, I prefer to rely on my own mettle than call the police.
25:23Do you?
25:24Yes, I do.
25:24Now, stand up like a man. Come on.
25:26Bit of trouble with the old leg, eh?
25:27Rip, come on.
25:29Yeah, look what I've found.
25:31Yes.
25:32I hope I've made my point.
25:33Absolutely, yes. I've been looking for that.
25:35Yes, I would just like to say, I would just like to say that this hotel is extremely inefficient and
25:39badly run,
25:39and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.
25:43Have I said something funny, Mr. Fawlty?
25:45Well, it's sort of pithy, I suppose.
25:46Pithy, oh, really?
25:47Well, here's the punchline.
25:49I'm going to fetch my belongings, and I do not expect to receive a bill.
25:56You've handled that, then, have you, Baza?
26:00Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.
26:03Incidentally, I don't know if you realise, but he's a regular customer of ours.
26:06Oh, he loves it here. It's his second home.
26:08It's just that we always have to have this little, I don't know why, but he seems to like it.
26:12Really?
26:13The only danger is, though, that somebody's going to think he really isn't satisfied about something,
26:17or the fighting's real, you know, and tell somebody.
26:19You won't mention it, will you?
26:20We'd love to offer you dinner here tonight as our guest to show our gratitude.
26:23What?
26:24A dinner tonight, would you?
26:25No, I can't tonight, thank you.
26:27Tomorrow night?
26:28I should be leaving tomorrow, I'm sorry.
26:31All right, £50, then.
26:33Take your part?
26:34£50, not to mention it.
26:35£50?
26:36No, £60, not to write about it, you know, I mean, articles, books, letters.
26:40Oh, no, I'm afraid I really don't...
26:42Oh, please, it's taken us 12 years to build this place up.
26:45Don't put this in the book.
26:46We're finished, if you don't, please don't.
26:47Book?
26:48What book?
26:48A hotel guide.
26:49Oh, sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it.
26:51Oh, God, what have I done?
26:54You've got me confused with someone else.
26:56You've got me confused with someone else.
27:00I'm nothing to do with any hotel guide.
27:04I'm down here for the exhibition.
27:07I sell outboard motors.
27:10All right?
27:11I'm back for that.
27:16You're not an inspector.
27:17No?
27:18Not on the side.
27:20No?
27:20Swear to God.
27:22Yeah, I tell you, I've nothing to do with it.
27:24Oh, thank you.
27:25Oh, thank you so much.
27:26Oh, I don't know how I can ever see you.
27:32Thanks.
27:33Thanks.
27:33Oh, wait, go ahead.
27:3926 bedrooms, 12 with private bathrooms.
27:41Yes, well, why don't you have dinner here and Chris and I can try the Clermont?
27:44Okay.
27:46The owner's one bezel faulty.
27:51Please, senor, Mr. Faulty want to say adios.
27:54He wants to...
27:54No, no, no.
27:55Oh!
28:00Sorry.
28:15Good afternoon, gentlemen.
28:16And what can I do for you three gentlemen?
28:42Let's go.
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