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00:14Oh, dear.
00:29Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
00:33Hello?
00:33What a shame.
00:36Hello, operator. What is going on?
00:37Oh, I know.
00:39I've been trying to get through the speaking clock.
00:43Oh, dear.
00:44Well, it's engaged.
00:48How awful.
00:49Well, it's been engaged for ten minutes. How is this possible?
00:50My wife isn't talking to it?
00:53Well, hold your head right back. That usually stops it.
00:57Right. Speaking clock has obviously taken the phone off the hook.
01:00Either that or there's been a light shower within 20 miles.
01:03Well, you'd better not go on if he's getting on the bedspread.
01:07Unobtainable. Clock's been cut off. Obviously, it didn't pay its bill.
01:11Well, call me back when you staunched it.
01:14I don't know why she stays with him. Oh, that's pretty.
01:18Oh, hello. You've got to go.
01:19Uh-huh.
01:20Good evening, Mr Johnson.
01:22Evening. Any messages?
01:23Uh, three, I think.
01:25Three? Everybody wants you, don't they?
01:27I wouldn't say that.
01:29Oh, well. You're only single once.
01:32Twice can be arranged.
01:35What, Basil?
01:36Nothing, my dear.
01:39We've got enough bananas this week, do we?
01:53So, Harry says, you don't like me anymore, why not?
01:57And he says, because you've got so terribly pretentious.
01:59And Harry says, pretentious?
02:01Mwah.
02:03Mwah.
02:04I'll just try that number.
02:05Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it?
02:08Mwah.
02:10Did you hear it, Basil?
02:11What, dear?
02:12The joke.
02:13Oh, a joke. Now I heard you laugh.
02:14I thought perhaps he was having a tea party.
02:17Tea party?
02:19Oh, now I understand the banana reference.
02:21You mean you think he looks like a monkey?
02:23Only from some angles.
02:25Well, from my angle, he's very attractive.
02:28Attractive?
02:29You know, easy and amusing and charming.
02:32Charming, eh?
02:33Well, he's certainly covered in charms.
02:35I've never seen so many medals round one neck in my life.
02:37He must be the bravest orangutan in Britain.
02:39What is the point of decorating yourself like that?
02:42They're not just for decoration.
02:44They have symbolic meaning.
02:45Sybil, that type would wear a dog turd round its neck if it was made of gold.
02:50Basil, you're so ignorant sometimes.
02:53One of them happens to be a rhino's tooth.
02:56One's an ancient Egyptian fertility symbol.
02:58Well, that must come in handy.
03:00It's not supposed to be handy, Basil.
03:02It goes back to the dawn of civilisation.
03:05Well, by the look of his forehead, so does he.
03:07Tell me, Basil, what is it about the Mediterranean type that antagonises you so?
03:13Is it because women find them attractive?
03:15Sybil, I...
03:15You seem to think that we girls should be aroused by people like Gladstone and Earl Haig and Baden-Poor,
03:21don't you?
03:22Well, at least they had a certain dignity.
03:23It's hard to imagine Earl Haig wandering around with his shirt open at the waist covered with identity bracelets, isn't
03:28he?
03:29Well, he didn't mind the medals, did he? The military decorations.
03:33That's not the point.
03:34I suppose the reason you confuse them with monkeys is that monkeys have fun.
03:37They know how to enjoy themselves.
03:39That's what makes them sexy, I suppose.
03:41I never thought of that.
03:42Good evening.
03:43Good evening.
03:43I turned a minute earlier.
03:44The name is Abbott.
03:45Oh, yes.
03:46There hasn't been a cancellation, I'm afraid, so it is still a room without bar.
03:50That's fine.
03:51Oh, good.
03:51Would you just fill that in for me, please?
03:56Yes, we're terribly busy at the moment.
03:59Just enjoying myself.
04:00Good evening.
04:02Good evening.
04:02Good evening.
04:03Oh!
04:05Oh!
04:08Thank you, Mr. Abbott.
04:09Oh, Dr. Abbott, sorry.
04:11Doctor?
04:12Yes.
04:13I'm terribly sorry, we hadn't been told.
04:15We hadn't been told you were a doctor.
04:16Oh.
04:17How do you do, doctor?
04:18Very nice to have you with us, doctor.
04:20You're in room five, doctor.
04:22And Mrs. Abbott, how do you do?
04:23Dr. Abbott, actually.
04:24Sorry?
04:25Dr. Abbott.
04:26Two doctors.
04:27You're two doctors?
04:28Yes.
04:29Well, how did you become two doctors?
04:31Most unusual.
04:31I mean, did you take the exam twice?
04:34No.
04:34My wife's a doctor.
04:36I'm a doctor.
04:37You're a doctor, too.
04:38So you're three doctors.
04:38No, I'm just...
04:40I'm just one doctor.
04:41My wife is another doctor.
04:43Manuel!
04:44Your room is at the top of the stairs and on to the left.
04:46Oh, I see.
04:47You see, I thought when you said two doctors, that...
04:50Manuel, would you take the doctor's cases up to number five, please?
04:53Yes, this way, please, doctors.
04:54Yes, when you said that there were two doctors, I thought perhaps you were a doctor of medicine,
04:59perhaps a doctor of...
05:00Did you get through all right?
05:01One was busy.
05:02I'll try again in a minute.
05:03Look, I forgot to ask.
05:04Any news on that room for my mother?
05:05Oh, yes.
05:06Number 16 has decided to stay, I'm afraid.
05:09I tried a couple of other places for you, but everywhere's full at the moment.
05:12Oh, well, no hassle.
05:12She won't mind sharing with me.
05:14Lucky mum.
05:16I'll just go and try that number again.
05:17Oh, here.
05:18Use this one.
05:19Oh, thank you.
05:23May I ask the sign on the chain by the Egyptian fertility symbol?
05:29What is that?
05:30Oh, it's a Greek astrological sign.
05:33Oh, it's beautiful.
05:34Where did you get it?
05:35Um, Colchester, I think.
05:38Colchester?
05:39Oh, hello.
05:39Can I speak to John Lawson, please?
05:41Oh, all right.
05:42I'll hold on.
05:43So your mother will be arriving tomorrow?
05:45Yes, first thing.
05:46She's getting the overnight train down from Newcastle.
05:48Newcastle?
05:49Yeah, visiting grandchildren.
05:50She's 77.
05:5277.
05:52Isn't that amazing?
05:55Old people are wonderful when they have so much life, aren't they?
05:58Gives us all hope, doesn't it?
06:02My mother, on the other hand, is a little bit of a trial, really.
06:07You know, it's all right when they have the life force,
06:09but mother, well, she's got more of the death force, really.
06:13She's a warrior.
06:14No, no, it's all right.
06:15I'll hold.
06:16She has these, well, morbid fears, they are, really.
06:21Vans is one.
06:25Rats, doorknobs.
06:28Birds, heights, open spaces.
06:32Confined spaces.
06:34It's very difficult getting the space right for her, really, you know.
06:38Footballs, bicycles, cows.
06:44And she's always on about men following her.
06:47I don't know what she thinks they're going to do to her.
06:50Vomit on her, Basil says.
06:52Can I leave my number?
06:53He can call me back.
06:55And death.
06:56Oh, I see, right.
06:57She's frightened of death.
06:59I've told her there's nothing she can do about it.
07:01On about it the whole time she is.
07:03I mean, nature can only take its course.
07:05The only thing you can hope for is that it won't be long drawn out and painful.
07:08But she can't accept that.
07:10Oh, excuse me.
07:11Hello, John.
07:12How are you?
07:12No, fine.
07:13I'm just down for the weekend.
07:16Charming people.
07:19The Abbott's charming couple.
07:21Yes, all three of them.
07:22No, I'm all right for the night.
07:24You know, that outfit that Mrs Abbott was wearing, you should get yourself something like that.
07:29What, for the gardening, you mean?
07:31No, no, I can't tomorrow night.
07:32How about lunch?
07:33Yes, attractive woman.
07:34How old would you say she was, Sybil?
07:3648, 50.
07:37Oh, now, Sybil.
07:38I really don't know, Basil.
07:39Well, perhaps she's 12.
07:41No, favourite, magic.
07:43Yeah, it's nice to have that kind of person staying, isn't it?
07:45Professional class, educated, civilised.
07:48We've got both ends of the evolutionary scale this week, haven't we?
07:55Evening.
07:56Well, I just came out for a stroll.
07:58What time do you serve dinner?
07:59Uh, 7.30 till 9.
08:00See you tomorrow, then.
08:01Ciao.
08:01Do you have a guide to Torquay?
08:03A guide?
08:04Um, oh, dear, I think we're out of them again.
08:06Do you want to look at this one?
08:07I've got it in town.
08:08Oh, thanks.
08:09Yes, what's on in talking?
08:11Yes, one of the world's shortest books.
08:12Um!
08:14What?
08:17One of the world's shortest books.
08:19Like the, uh, wit of Margaret Thatcher.
08:21Or Great English Lovers.
08:23Oh, that's very funny, isn't it, Basil?
08:28Are you, uh, taking dinner here tonight?
08:30Sorry?
08:31Are you dining here tonight, here in this unfashionable dump?
08:34I wasn't planning to.
08:35No, not really your scene, is it?
08:37I thought I'd try somewhere in town.
08:38Anywhere you'd recommend?
08:39Oh, what sort of food were you thinking of?
08:41Fruit, or?
08:42Um, anywhere they do French food.
08:44Yes, France, I believe.
08:45They seem to like it, eh?
08:47And a swim would certainly sharpen your appetite.
08:49You'd better hurry.
08:49The tide leaves in six minutes.
08:52Excuse my husband's sledgehammer, witness to Johnson.
08:55There is a very nice place, La Pomme d'Amour.
08:57Oh, La Pomme d'Amour, the apple of love.
09:00Yes, in Orchard Street.
09:01Or that ancient Egyptian place, the golden dog, something.
09:05Do enjoy your selfies.
09:07See you later.
09:09I have had it up to here with you.
09:12What, dear?
09:12You never get it right, do you?
09:14You're either crawling all over them, licking their boots,
09:17or spitting poison at them like some Benzedrine puffadder.
09:23Just trying to enjoy myself.
09:27Ah, did you enjoy your beef?
09:29Oh, yes, thank you.
09:30Ah, good.
09:30Would you care for a dessert?
09:32No, just coffee, thank you.
09:34Just coffee for me.
09:34Two coffees, Sybil.
09:35Two coffees, here, please, dear.
09:37Would you care for a little something with us?
09:39A little aperitif, cognac, brandy, on us, with us,
09:42which we'll pay for on the house?
09:44Well, thank you.
09:46Yes, I'd like a cognac, if I may.
09:48Dr. Ebert?
09:48A board, thank you.
09:49Mon plaisir.
09:51Coffee for you, Doctor.
09:53And for you, Doctor.
09:55Have you been to Toll Key before?
09:57Well, not for a few years.
09:58No, we had a free weekend,
10:00and we suddenly thought we'd like to get out of London.
10:02Lovely.
10:02White or black?
10:03Black, thank you.
10:05And black for you, Doctor.
10:08Coneac for you, Doctor.
10:09It's rather fascinating you're both being doctors.
10:11Porter for you, Doctor.
10:11It was at one stage I was contemplating becoming a surgeon.
10:14A tree surgeon.
10:18Thank you, Sybil.
10:19Had to give it up.
10:20Couldn't stand the sight of sap.
10:24It's a bit old, isn't it, Derms?
10:25Yes, and my great-grandfather on my mother's side was a doctor,
10:28so it was always felt that I might...
10:29Run a hotel.
10:31Are you...
10:33Are you both in general practice?
10:35No, I'm a paediatrician.
10:37Feet?
10:37Children.
10:40Well, children have feet, don't they?
10:42That's how they move around, my dear.
10:43You must take a look next time.
10:44It's most interesting.
10:45And you, Doctor, are you...
10:46I'm a psychiatrist.
10:47Very nice, too.
10:48Well, cheers.
10:51I'll get you another one, sir.
10:54A psychiatrist?
10:55How fascinating.
10:56We've never had a psychiatrist stay here before.
10:59We had a faith healer the first month we were open.
11:02Really?
11:03It's a relatively new profession, psychiatry, isn't it?
11:06Well, Freud started about 1880.
11:09Yes, but it's only now we're seeing them on the television.
11:13Here we are.
11:13I must just excuse you.
11:16How long have you had this hotel?
11:18Well, my husband now...
11:19Keep going, keep going.
11:20What is it?
11:21Abbott.
11:21What's the matter with him?
11:23Psychiatrist.
11:24Look at him.
11:25Look.
11:25Look at the way he's listening.
11:26See?
11:26He's taking it all in.
11:27She doesn't realize.
11:28Look.
11:28Look at the way she's talking.
11:29They've got photographic memories.
11:31Sir, what?
11:32Sir, Calvin Beeth.
11:33Yes, Basil.
11:34Could I just bother you, dear?
11:35What is he?
11:35Just a little problem.
11:36Nothing personal.
11:37Nothing of a private nature.
11:38Just a little bit.
11:40Excuse me, would you?
11:43What is it, Basil?
11:45Just take it easy, OK?
11:46What?
11:46Well, just keep your distance.
11:48I mean, remember who you are, all right?
11:49Remember what?
11:50Well, just don't tell him too much about yourself, all right?
11:52Basil, I'm perfect.
11:53All right.
11:53All right.
11:54What have you told him?
11:55Nothing.
11:55We were talking about Scotland.
11:57Scotland?
11:57What do you want to know about Scotland?
11:59Oh, Basil.
12:00Why are you so nervous?
12:01I'm not nervous.
12:02I'm just saying take it easy, all right?
12:03All of us.
12:04Just take it easy, right?
12:04What's got into it?
12:05Nothing's got into it.
12:06I'm just saying take it easy.
12:07I'm going to say take it easy without starting a panic.
12:09I mean, what is going on?
12:10Look.
12:10Mr. Falky, take it easy.
12:13Now, look.
12:14Well, get one thing clear, all right?
12:16You don't tell me to take it easy.
12:17I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy.
12:19I pay you to take it easy.
12:20No, I pay you to tell you to take it easy.
12:21So take it easy, all right?
12:23Yes.
12:24Why are you getting so upset?
12:26I'm not.
12:27You liked him when he arrived.
12:28Look, no.
12:28And then just because you find out he's a psychiatrist...
12:31I'm not bothered by that.
12:32I'm not bothered by that.
12:33If he wants to be a psychiatrist, that's his own funeral.
12:35They're all the baddest bloody marches.
12:37That's not the point.
12:37Look, how does he earn his money?
12:39He gets paid for sticking his nose...
12:42Oh, bastard.
12:42No, I'm going to have my say in people's private details.
12:46Well, just speaking to myself,
12:46I don't want some total stranger nosing around in my private parts.
12:49Detail.
12:50That's all I'm saying.
12:51They're here on holiday.
12:53They're just here to enjoy themselves.
12:55He can't.
12:55Can't what?
12:56He can't tell me anything about myself that I don't know already.
12:58All this cartridge's a load of tommy rock.
13:01You know what they're all obsessed with, don't you?
13:03What?
13:04You know what they say it's all about, don't you?
13:06Hmm?
13:07Sex.
13:08Everything's connected with sex.
13:09God, what a load of cobblers.
13:12Yes, but you see, if they wanted to do that,
13:15well, they'd have to close the hotel, wouldn't they?
13:17Yes, if you would just sign that.
13:19Thank you so much.
13:20Yes.
13:20We were just speculating how people in your profession arrange their holidays.
13:24How often you can get away.
13:28How often do you manage it?
13:33How often can you and your wife manage it?
13:40You don't mind my asking?
13:42Not at all, not at all.
13:45About average, since you asked.
13:48Average?
13:48Mm-hmm.
13:49What would be average?
13:51Well, you tell me.
13:54Well, a couple of times a year.
13:58What?
14:00Once a year?
14:02Well, we knew it must be difficult.
14:05My wife didn't see how you could manage it at all.
14:11Well, as you've asked, two or three times a week, actually.
14:15A week?
14:16Yes, pretty normal, isn't it?
14:17We're quite normal down here in Torquay, you know.
14:20And he says, pretentious, moi.
14:26Oh, I always like a man who can make me laugh.
14:31Are you all right, Mr. Forty?
14:33Yes, yes, yes.
14:33Fine, just...
14:34What's the matter, Basil?
14:35Nothing, dear.
14:35Just talking to Dr. Abbott.
14:37Oh, now, if I had the money to go to a psychiatrist, he'd just the sort I'd choose.
14:41I can't leave anything nicer than having a good old heart to heart.
14:45I'm sure they understand women.
14:47So, what?
14:48Why, darling?
14:48Do you know...
14:50Do you know what he asked me just now?
14:52What?
14:52What?
14:53He asked me...
14:56Oh, don't be ridiculous, Basil.
14:57I'm telling you the truth, honestly, as God's witness.
15:00What's got into you today?
15:01He turned round and asked me, just like that.
15:03What did he say?
15:04He said...
15:08His wife said...
15:08They're talking about holidays, Basil.
15:11I was just saying to them about how difficult it is to get any.
15:15Twice a year.
15:16Oh, my God, what did I say?
15:17Oh, it doesn't matter.
15:18That was I don't know.
15:24Hello?
15:25You know, we were at Cross Purposes just now.
15:27They weren't talking about sex.
15:28I thought you were talking about walks.
15:30No, sex.
15:31Holidays.
15:31Holidays.
15:32Ah, sex.
15:33Ha, ha, ha.
15:34No, my wife and I have one about twice a year.
15:36I mean, a holiday.
15:37A holiday.
15:37Whereas, as far as a good walk goes,
15:39well, we have a jolly good walk about two or three times a week, average.
15:42Well, we're just taking ours now.
15:45Well, enjoy it.
15:47Ah, the walk.
15:47Walk.
15:49I'm so sorry.
15:50My name is Raylene Miles.
15:51I have a reservation.
15:53Ah, yes, that's right.
15:54Would you be so kind as to Phil this?
15:56Yes?
15:57Mm-hmm.
16:07Very nice.
16:08Oh, uh, thank you.
16:10Your thing.
16:12I mean, your charms.
16:12Your charms.
16:13In the middle.
16:14Yes, I know.
16:17May I ask what it is?
16:18It's a St. Christopher's medal.
16:20Saint?
16:21Saint Christopher.
16:22Patron Saint of Travellers.
16:25Hello, dear.
16:26It's a St. Christopher's medal.
16:27He takes Travellers.
16:28Very pretty.
16:29Yes, isn't she?
16:30Where did you put the order forms, Barbara?
16:32Down there, dear.
16:33Where?
16:34Down here, dear.
16:36Oh, right.
16:38Yes, here we are.
16:40I think you'll find them there.
16:43Hello.
16:44Can I have key number six, please?
16:45You're back early this evening, Mr Johnson.
16:47Yes, well, got to be up early for Mother.
16:50We'll put you in number seven.
16:52Mm-hmm.
16:52Manuel!
16:53It's all right, dear.
16:54I'll take them up.
16:55We have a Spanish porter we're training at the moment.
16:57It'd be quicker to train an ape!
17:02Never mind, Manuel.
17:04Oh.
17:15Yes, I was just wondering,
17:17are you in fact Australian at all by any chance, Manuel?
17:19Oh, dear.
17:20Is my accent that strong?
17:22Oh, no, no, no.
17:23It's just that you're quite tall,
17:24so I thought perhaps we'll...
17:25There we are.
17:26This is your room.
17:27I hope it's to your liking.
17:28A view of the English Riviera
17:29down there behind the trees.
17:31This is your bathroom.
17:33There we are.
17:35Oh, the light's not working.
17:36I'll just fix it.
17:37Have you, uh...
17:37Have you had a tiring journey?
17:40Oh, seven hours in the coach.
17:42Is, uh...
17:43Is the dining room still open?
17:44Well, the chef leaves at night, I'm afraid,
17:46but you can always do you sandwiches.
17:47Oh, I'd like a hot meal, really.
17:49Is there a restaurant near here?
17:52Well, there's an awfully good little Welsh place
17:54sneak house, about five minutes' walk.
17:55You'd have to go straight away.
17:57Oh, that'll do fine.
17:58Just turn left out of the gate
17:59and straight on,
18:00and it's on your right.
18:10You left this downstairs.
18:13Sorry, I was trying the switch.
18:14I'm sorry.
18:15Sybil, Sybil, Sybil, Sybil, Sybil.
18:16I'm sorry.
18:16I didn't know she was there.
18:17I was trying the switch.
18:18It's pathetic, Basil.
18:19Look, Sybil, I was reaching round for the switch.
18:21Don't bother.
18:22Look, the lights weren't working in the bathroom, right?
18:24OK, so I went in, checked the fitting, which was loose.
18:26I've read about it, Basil.
18:28The male menopause, it's called.
18:30Oh, and one word of advice.
18:32If you're going to grope a girl,
18:34have the gallantry to stay in the room with her
18:36while you're doing it.
18:43I'm sorry, I do apologise
18:44for just our sort of feeling for the switch.
18:46Oh, I realise that's perfectly all right.
18:48I hope your wife didn't...
18:50Oh, no, no, no, my wife.
18:51She's been on about that.
18:53Where was that restaurant again?
18:55Out of the gate.
18:56Turn left.
18:56Five minutes on your right.
18:58Leak house.
18:59Not at all.
19:04Pretentious.
19:05Moi.
19:17Yes, can I help you?
19:19Um, I was just wondering if I could get, um,
19:23a drink now.
19:24A drink?
19:26Well, a bottle of champagne.
19:28Champagne?
19:29Yes.
19:30I see.
19:30You are aware of our rule about visitors, are you?
19:33Hmm?
19:33No visitors in guests' rooms after ten o'clock.
19:36Oh.
19:37Of the opposite, um, sex.
19:40No, I wasn't.
19:41Ah.
19:41But I am now.
19:43So you'll send up the champagne, will you?
19:45What?
19:46The champagne.
19:48You're drinking it on your own, eh?
19:49I guess I'll have to.
19:51Howdy well.
19:52One bottle of champagne for one.
19:55And one glass.
19:56That's all I'll need.
19:57Unless you care to join me.
19:58No, thank you.
19:58Not when I'm on the job.
20:00That's when I enjoy it the most.
20:07Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward.
20:09What have I said, paint?
20:10One glass, quick.
20:18Mr. Fawlty.
20:19Hmm?
20:20Did you know there's a car to stay?
20:22Yes.
20:23Yes, I did.
20:23Has he come for the major?
20:25What?
20:26Has he come for the major?
20:27No.
20:28Oh, good.
20:29We were rather worried.
20:30I'm sure they have them in Birmingham, too.
20:34Good night, ladies.
20:36It's just coming.
20:39It won't be a moment.
21:04This wall.
21:05We had some complaints from downstairs,
21:06so I'm just giving it a check.
21:08Okay.
21:09Yes.
21:09I think that's fine.
21:12No, we're all right.
21:14Fine.
21:15Well, sorry to disturb you.
21:16Good night.
21:16Good night.
21:17Good night.
21:21Good night.
21:27Can I help?
21:28The bath.
21:29Yes, second on the note.
21:32Yes.
21:32It's just coming.
21:33It's coming.
21:35It's coming.
21:35It's coming.
21:58I'm just going to sleep.
22:03Tonto! Tonto! Tonto!
22:05Yes, find that and take that Spanish ape.
22:07Sorry, person. And bungle it again.
22:10There you go. Bird brain. God knows how they ever got an armada together.
22:14Still, I'll clear all this up.
22:16Right. But if you'd like to go back to your rooms.
22:25Forte!
22:26Yes.
22:27Here, here.
22:28I thought you ought to know.
22:30What? There's... there's a psychiatrist in the hotel.
22:34Yes, I know.
22:35Oh, you know?
22:36Yes.
22:36Oh. Well, apparently he's dressed up as a guest.
22:40Well, he is a guest, Major.
22:42Oh. Well, your guest is as good as mine.
22:48Perhaps he has come to get you.
23:00Come.
23:01Shh.
23:06Oh, thank you.
23:07On the table, please.
23:16Up.
23:17Go!
23:26Yes.
23:28Oh.
23:40Filthy habit.
23:42The bathroom.
23:43Second on the left.
23:57Ah!
23:58Who is he?
23:59It's all right.
23:59He's all right.
23:59What are you doing?
24:01What do you want?
24:01What is going on?
24:02Nothing.
24:03Nothing.
24:03I didn't know she was in here.
24:04I just came in to check the walls.
24:05Do you mind?
24:06Sorry.
24:06I thought you were going down to the restaurant.
24:08Oh, I was just so tired.
24:09No, that's fine.
24:10Well, sorry to disturb you.
24:11Oh, bloody walls.
24:12You all right now?
24:13What was that?
24:14Hmm?
24:14What?
24:15Nothing, dear.
24:15Why was she screaming?
24:16What were you doing?
24:17What's going on?
24:18Nothing.
24:18She thought there was someone in her room.
24:19Someone in her room?
24:20Yes, someone in her room.
24:22I'm going to have to charge her a double rent.
24:24What were you doing in there?
24:27Is she all right?
24:28She's all right.
24:30What were you doing in there?
24:32Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Foley.
24:34I didn't realise it was you.
24:35That's all right.
24:35That's all right.
24:36I'll tell you.
24:36Tell you in a moment.
24:37Oh, silly of me.
24:38I didn't know it was him.
24:39He came in to check the walls.
24:41To check the walls?
24:44And one.
24:44And one.
24:45Quick.
24:45Come on.
24:46Quick.
24:47Quick.
25:05ChMS.
25:05You can see us.
25:11We'll see.
25:43Help! Help! Help!
25:47Socorro! Help! Help!
25:49Socorro!
25:51Basil?
25:54Basil?
25:55Mrs Fawlty! Mrs Fawlty! Mr Fawlty!
25:59What?
25:59He fell off ladder.
26:01Off a ladder?
26:02Come, come, come!
26:03What was he doing off a ladder?
26:05He tried to see a girl.
26:07What?
26:07He tried to see a room to see a girl. She make him crazy.
26:10Come, come, come.
26:11I say.
26:12I tell him, careful what he go to see a girl.
26:14Right?
26:21Hello, dear.
26:23I'm just going to...
26:30What the fuck?
26:33Oh.
26:47What in God's day are you doing? What did you hit me for?
26:50How dare you?
26:53How dare you?
26:54How dare you?
26:55Are you going mad? What's going into you?
26:56You really don't know?
26:57No, I don't.
26:58What were you doing up that ladder? Come on.
26:59I was trying to see the girl.
27:01Is that so strange?
27:03Stop hitting me.
27:04Get away from this door and don't you dare try and come in here tonight.
27:12No.
27:14She's gone completely mad.
27:16Crazy.
27:17She got crazy.
27:18I mean, what?
27:19Crazy.
27:20I mean, what?
27:21I say to her, you try to see a girl's room, she got crazy.
27:24Crazy.
27:27What?
27:28I tell her, you got to see a girl in room.
27:30You crazy about this girl, okay?
27:32Okay, so, you go up to try to look at her and Mrs. Fawlty, she go crazy.
27:49Now, that's how an Englishman would do it, you see?
27:51Now, a German, a German would go.
27:55No, that's enough for tonight.
27:56All right, we're going with your training in the morning.
27:57Huh.
27:58We're just training him in the art of hotel manager.
28:01It's rather interesting, actually.
28:02He's from Barcelona.
28:03And one of them will...
28:07Sorry.
28:07I missed the door.
28:09Everything all right?
28:10Everything, er, normal?
28:11Yes.
28:12Fine.
28:12Well, I'll leave you to it then.
28:14I mean, er, to go to bed.
28:15To sleep.
28:16To sleep, that is.
28:17For a chance to dream.
28:18Ha.
28:18Well, have a good night.
28:19Oh, good night sleep.
28:20Sleep well.
28:21Good night, and you.
28:23Yes, I will.
28:24God knows where.
28:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
28:35ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:50Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on.
28:57Sybil, dear.
28:59What do you want?
29:00Got your tea for you, dear?
29:02Just leave it outside the room.
29:04Yes.
29:04All right, dear.
29:05Yes.
29:06Um...
29:07Sybil!
29:08I'm not speaking to you, Basil.
29:10I'm not speaking to you, Basil.
29:10Could I just have my electric razor here, just for the guests?
29:15Thank you, dear.
29:16Look, look, look, look.
29:17Please, please, let me explain something.
29:18Get your foot out of the door.
29:19Let me explain.
29:19When I said I wanted to look at that girl last night, I wasn't talking about that, that Ray something,
29:24Australian girl.
29:24I was talking about the girl in the room next to her.
29:27In Johnson's room, Johnson smuggled a girl into his room last night.
29:30That was the one I was trying to get a look at, not that Australian hayseed.
29:33Basil, you've had eight heirs to think of something.
29:36Is that really the best you can come up with?
29:38You don't believe me.
29:39Oh, go away.
29:40Right, I'll get her.
29:41I'm going to get her and show her to you.
29:42Yes, you do that.
29:43Right, I will.
29:44Right.
29:46All right.
29:46Go.
29:52Come.
29:54Mr. Johnson, do you want your guide back?
29:56Oh, thank you.
29:57Yes.
30:06I'll see you later then.
30:08OK, darling.
30:11Right, the game's up.
30:15Up there.
30:17Bit of game pie got stuck up there.
30:19Right.
30:20Well, everything back to normal.
30:22Enjoy your walk.
30:32There's enough material there for an entire conference.
30:49OK.
30:50OK.
30:58Wait, that's it.
30:59Ah!
30:59What are you doing?
31:01You, jeez, what's going on?
31:03I'm sorry, I thought you were somebody else.
31:04You scared the hell out of me.
31:05Yes, I'm awfully sorry.
31:06You see, there's a girl in there, and the bloke's popping right off of me.
31:10Just explain to me, Miles, about our little problem.
31:13I'm with the extra guest.
31:14Mr. Johnson's friend.
31:15In six, last night.
31:18What's that on your hand, Basil?
31:20What?
31:21Oh, that's some stuff in the cupboard, dear.
31:23Something I knocked over.
31:28Sorry, I got confused.
31:29What?
31:30Sorry, I got confused.
31:32Sir, sir, sir.
31:34Sir, sir, sir.
31:35Sir, sir, sir.
31:35Look, I'll tell her to go.
31:36Torrance.
31:37I'm going to get the other girl just to prove it to you, but I'll tell Miss Miles to leave.
31:41Out.
31:41Out.
31:42Right.
31:42Out.
31:43Out.
31:49Excuse me.
31:49I do apologise, but I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to...
32:00Come in.
32:02Sorry to bother you.
32:04I thought I'd better apologise for my husband's behaviour.
32:06No, please, really, Mrs. Forty.
32:08He's going through rather any stern time at the moment.
32:11No, please, look, I don't quite understand.
32:13He does seem a bit worked up about something, but I'm sure there's some quite innocent explanation.
32:28...Basil.
32:34Hi, dear.
32:34Just checking the doors.
32:39All right, what's going on?
32:40I was in the bathroom!
32:42Yes, she was, dear.
32:43So I just popped in and had a look at these hinges, you know.
32:46Do you really imagine, even in your wildest dreams,
32:50that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an aging brilliant teen
32:55stick insect like you
32:58a girl like who do you this one basil the one you've been chasing ever since she
33:02arrived my dear woman have you got out of your mind what are you doing in there
33:05look you know the trouble we've been having with these hinges like what I
33:08don't all right if you really want to know I came to apologize for the
33:10incident just now when I thought she was a girl in Johnson's room you remember
33:12when I put my hand on the
33:18you think I've got time to listen to any more of your hopeless lily-liver jellyfish
33:23lies they are not lies I am why can't you be a man if you want to grope the guests
33:28why can't you at least be honest about it without making up some pathetic song and
33:32done shut up oh you've done it now no I haven't I'm just going to I'm fed up with
33:38you you rancorous quaffered old sow
33:40why don't you swing the donuts out of your ear and get some sense into the dormant organ
33:45you keep hidden in that rat's maze of yours
33:48there is a woman in that room that Johnson smuggled in last night
33:51right that's the woman I've been trying to get pulled off
33:54right right stand there stand and watch
34:02champagne
34:04what another bottle of champagne perhaps
34:06I thought you said you rather enjoyed it when you were on the job have you got a screw loose
34:11a screw no no it's just that I thought that I'd rather form the impression that there was someone in
34:15the room there with you a female person perhaps a lady you know an opposite person of the contradictory gender
34:21that sort of thing
34:23Mrs. Johnson is in here yes
34:25oh of course
34:27I should have guessed oh yes of course the little woman eh
34:31the only thing is I thought you told my wife that you were single
34:34I am
34:35I see so who's this Mrs. Johnson then the late president's wife or
34:40she's my mother
34:42your mother
34:44oh I see
34:46this uh
34:46bit of crumpets your old mummy is she
34:50oh this is rich
34:51oh oh Mother Johnson popped up for a quickie
34:54did she may I meet her
34:56certainly
34:56Mother Johnson Mother Johnson
34:58come out come out wherever you are
35:00how do you do are you enjoying your sleep
35:03yes thank you
35:05well I'll get the champagne
35:06this calls for a celebration
35:09thank you
35:12uh
35:14um
35:15I just wanted to
35:15I just wanted to
35:29seven
35:30five
35:30four
35:33one
35:34four
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