- 4 weeks ago
Thank you for supporting our channel
*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01.
00:25So you're... you're sure you'll be all right?
00:27What, Basil?
00:27I said you're sure you'll be all right.
00:29Will you get me my bed jacket?
00:31Er, bed jacket.
00:32In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer.
00:37Now, you won't forget the fire door tomorrow, will you?
00:40No, I won't, dear, no. I can cope, you know.
00:42This one?
00:43That's not blue.
00:44Well, it's got blue things on it.
00:46They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
00:49No, you didn't quite right.
00:50No, I only picked that one up to annoy you, actually.
00:52I mean...
00:52What have you got all this stuff for?
00:55What?
00:55I mean, you're only here three days. You're going to play charades every night?
00:58This one?
00:59Is it blue?
01:00Oh, it's bluish, I suppose.
01:02Now, you will remember to collect the stuff from Thomas', won't you?
01:05Yes, I will.
01:07Oh, and I forgot to scrape the mould off the cheddar this morning, so remind you.
01:11Right.
01:12And do try and find time to get the moosey's head up.
01:16Oh.
01:17It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.
01:19Yes, yes, yes.
01:21I don't know why you bought it.
01:22It will lend the lobby a certain ambience, Sybil.
01:25It has a touch of style about it.
01:27It's got a touch of mange about it.
01:29That is not so.
01:30It's got things living in it, Basil.
01:32It's nasty.
01:33It is not nasty.
01:34It is superb.
01:35I'm not going to argue with you, Basil.
01:37Just get it up out of the way.
01:38I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.
01:41And will you get me my telephone book, please?
01:43I mean, it's not as if I don't have enough to do.
01:44I mean, I'm on my own.
01:45The Germans are arriving tomorrow.
01:46It's not till lunchtime.
01:47You can do it in the morning.
01:48I've got the fire bill in the morning.
01:50Well, that only takes ten minutes.
01:51In the bag.
01:52Oh, I thought slavery had been abolished.
01:55Don't you ever think about anybody but yourself?
01:58Oh.
01:59In the bag.
02:00Oh, yes, in the bag.
02:01Yes, yes, let me do it.
02:02You just lie there with your feet up,
02:03and I'll go and carry you on the other way to lime creams.
02:07I am actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.
02:10Oh, yes.
02:11How is the old toenail?
02:13Still growing in?
02:14Hmm?
02:14Still burrowing its way down to the bone?
02:16Still macheting its way through the nerve, eh?
02:18Oh, nasty old nail.
02:21It's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.
02:23Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil.
02:25I wonder if they'd mount it for me just for old ties.
02:29I'm sure it's worth asking.
02:30You could hang it on the wall next to the moose.
02:32They'd go rather well together.
02:33Ah, there you are.
02:34Come along.
02:35Out you go.
02:38Oh, were you talking to me?
02:39I'm sorry.
02:39I thought there was a dog in here.
02:41Oh, no.
02:41No dogs in here.
02:42I wouldn't bet on it.
02:44Oh, no.
02:44Not allowed.
02:45Now come along.
02:45You're in the way.
02:46Fawlty's the name.
02:47Mr. Fawlty.
02:48Let's sit you up on it.
02:49Thank you, sister.
02:52Now, pop that under your tongue.
02:54You still here?
02:56Apparently.
02:58The doctor's coming.
02:59My God!
03:00A doctor?
03:01I mean, here in the hospital?
03:02Whatever can we do?
03:04You can leave.
03:06Why do they call you sister?
03:07Is it a term of endearment?
03:09Now, look, Mr. Fawlty, I'm not going to ask you again.
03:12Presumably you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye to my wife.
03:14She is under the knife tomorrow.
03:16It's an ingrowing toenail.
03:18Oh, you know, do you?
03:19Well, that'll help.
03:20Just take care now.
03:22If you can think of any more things for me to do, don't hesitate to call.
03:26Finished?
03:26Just.
03:27Thank you so much.
03:28Not at all.
03:29Charmed, I'm sure.
03:30In-growing toenail, right foot.
03:31You'll find it on the end of the leg.
03:33Bye, bye, dear.
03:37Mr. Fawlty?
03:39Mr. Fawlty.
03:40Mr. Fawlty.
03:40Dr. Fawlty.
03:41Oh, how do you do, sir?
03:43You've just seen your wife.
03:45Yes, just saying goodbye.
03:46Well, au revoir.
03:47Yes.
03:48Well, it is a very simple operation.
03:51But it will be quite painful afterwards.
03:53With it?
03:53With it?
03:54Oh, dear.
03:54Just for a time.
03:56But please, don't worry.
03:58No, well, I'll try not to.
04:00Quite painful.
04:02Yes.
04:10Evening, Major.
04:12Evening, Fawlty.
04:13Hampshire One.
04:14Did it?
04:15Oh, isn't that good.
04:16How splendid.
04:17Oh, Fawlty.
04:18How's...
04:18How's...
04:20My wife?
04:21Oh, that's it.
04:21Fine.
04:22Absolutely fine.
04:23They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
04:24Is she?
04:25Good.
04:26No, not her, the nail.
04:27They won't have operated till tomorrow.
04:28What?
04:29The nail.
04:29They're taking it out tomorrow.
04:31Well, how...
04:32How did she get a nail in her?
04:33No, I thought I told you, Major.
04:35No, she's having a toenail out.
04:36What?
04:37Just the one of them?
04:38Well, it's an ingrowing one, Major.
04:40Oh, well, if it's causing you pain, you have it out.
04:43Exactly.
04:44So, I'm on my own now.
04:45Start running this place properly.
04:46Ah, so you're on your own, are you?
04:49Apparently, uh...
04:49Oh, she won't be away for long, will she?
04:51No, no, no, no.
04:52Not unless it's a serious mistake.
04:53Ah, you've always got Elsie in, have you?
04:55Who?
04:56Elsie.
04:57Was she, uh, she left a couple of years ago, Major?
05:00Funny, I thought I saw her yesterday.
05:02No, I don't think so.
05:03She's in Canada.
05:05Strange creatures, women.
05:07Well, can't stand around all...
05:08I knew one once.
05:10Spanky-looking girl, tall, you know.
05:13Val was a banker.
05:14Really?
05:14Don't remember the name of the bank.
05:16Well, don't mind.
05:17I, I, I must have been keen on her because I, because I took her to see, uh, India.
05:24India?
05:24At the Oval.
05:27Fine match.
05:28A marvellous finish.
05:29Now, Sunny had to get 33 in about a half an hour and she went off to, uh, power, uh,
05:34borrow hands or something.
05:36Women, uh, never came back.
05:39What a shame.
05:40And the strange thing was that throughout the morning she kept referring to the Indians
05:44as niggers.
05:46No, no, no, no, no, I said.
05:48Niggers are the West Indians.
05:50These people are wogs.
05:53Oh, no, no, no, she said.
05:55All cricketers are niggers.
05:57They do get awfully confused, don't they?
05:59They're not thinkers.
06:00I see it with Sybil every day.
06:01I, I do wish I could remember her name.
06:03She's still got my wallet.
06:05As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.
06:08Who?
06:10Women.
06:11Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
06:12I, I thought you meant Indians.
06:14No, no, no, no, no.
06:14Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said they had minds like Swiss cheese?
06:18What do you mean?
06:18Hard?
06:20No, no, full of holes.
06:22Eh?
06:24Indians?
06:25No, no, women.
06:26Oh.
06:27Yes, can we help you?
06:29Hello.
06:30You see, three years at college, she doesn't know the time of day.
06:32Oh, about two minutes to six.
06:34What are you looking for?
06:36My German book.
06:37Oh, we got some Germans arriving tomorrow morning, Major.
06:39So, er, Polly's brushing up another one of her languages.
06:42Germans?
06:43Coming here?
06:44Oh, er, just for a couple of days, Major.
06:45I, I, I don't care much for Germans.
06:48Well, I know what you mean, but...
06:49Bunch of cruts, that's what they are!
06:51All of them!
06:52Bad eggs!
06:53Well, yes, forgive and forget, Major.
06:55I mean, er, God knows I'm the bastard.
06:57Still.
06:59I'd better put the moose up.
07:00Well, you've got to love them, I suppose, haven't you?
07:03Germans?
07:04No, no, no, no, women.
07:05I hate Germans.
07:08Love women.
07:09What about German women?
07:11Good card players.
07:13But, mind, I wouldn't give them time of day.
07:16Found it.
07:18I don't know what you're bothering with that for.
07:20Well, they said some of them didn't speak English.
07:21Well, that's their problem, isn't it?
07:23I don't know why she's going to complicate everything.
07:26Oh!
07:27Got her cardie, did you?
07:30I don't know.
07:30I don't know.
07:35I don't know.
07:36Fine, Joe!
07:39Nearly six o'clock, though, dear.
07:40Is it?
07:41Yes.
07:42Well, when you're ready, I might have other fruit juice or...
07:45Yes, well, I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major, yes.
07:48No, no, no, immediate hurry.
07:50Yeah.
07:51Drunken old sod.
07:54Holly!
07:57Holly!
08:00Manuel!
08:02Oh.
08:09Yes, Fawlty Towers, hello.
08:12I was just doing it, you stupid woman.
08:14I just put it down to come here to be reminded by you to do what I'm already doing.
08:18I mean, what is the point of reminding me to do what I'm already doing?
08:21I mean, what is the bloody point?
08:22I'm doing it, aren't I?
08:25Yes, yes, I picked it up, yes.
08:28No, no, I haven't had a chance yet.
08:29I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.
08:32Yes, I will, yes.
08:34No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes.
08:36Yes, yes, I know it is.
08:37Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up.
08:38Anything else?
08:39I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left or...?
08:42Yes, right.
08:43Well, enjoy the operation, dear.
08:44Let's hope nothing goes wrong.
08:46Wish it was an ingrained tongue.
08:49Yes!
08:51Oh, it's the admirable Crichton, Will.
08:55Er, you call, sir.
08:56Last week, but not to worry.
08:58OK.
08:59Oh, Buddha.
09:00Look, er, go and get me a hammer.
09:03Er, como?
09:04Hammer.
09:05Hammer.
09:05Oh, a hammer sandwich!
09:07Oh, do I have to go through this every time?
09:10Look, a hammer!
09:12My hamster?
09:12No, not your hamster.
09:14How can I knock a nail in with your hamster?
09:16Well, I could try.
09:17No, it doesn't matter.
09:18All right, I'll get it.
09:18You come here and tidy.
09:20You know, tidy?
09:21Oh, tidy.
09:21Yes, yes, yes.
09:22I'll get hammer and hit you on the head with it.
09:24Oh, tidy.
09:25Hammer, hammer.
09:26How are you, sir?
09:28You see, I speak English well.
09:30I learn it from a book.
09:33Hello.
09:34I am English.
09:37Hello.
09:40How are you, sir?
09:45I can speak English.
09:50Oh, hello, Major.
09:52How are you today?
09:57Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
09:59It's a beautiful day today.
10:02Is it?
10:03Oh, yes, yes.
10:04I suppose it is.
10:05Yes, I can speak English.
10:09I learned it from a book.
10:11Did you?
10:12Did you?
10:14Oh, there you are, Faultier.
10:15Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.
10:17Oh, fine.
10:17I say, that's a remarkable animal you have there, Faultier.
10:22Where did you get it?
10:23Uh, Samson's in the town.
10:25Really?
10:26Well, was it expensive?
10:28Uh, 12 pounds, I think.
10:29Good Lord.
10:31Japanese, was it?
10:34Canadian, I think, Major.
10:36I didn't know the Canadians was clever as that.
10:39My God.
10:41It started early.
10:46Polly?
10:47What's that smell?
10:48Flowers.
10:49I just got them from the garden.
10:51Well, what are you stinking the place out with those for?
10:52What's that for the plastic ones?
10:54Being ironed.
10:58Oh, will you answer that, please?
11:00I'm trying to put this up.
11:02Faultier Towers.
11:03Oh, hello, Mrs Faultier.
11:04I'm doing it!
11:05I'm doing it now!
11:06Tell her I'm doing it now!
11:08He says he's doing it now.
11:09How's the nail?
11:10I wish it was this one.
11:14There.
11:15Tell the Tyrant Queen her carnies are safe forever.
11:18Mr Moose is up!
11:19It's done.
11:20Done.
11:21Done.
11:21It's up.
11:25It's down again.
11:27Can you do anything wrong now?
11:29Give it to me!
11:29Give it to me!
11:30No, he just fell over Manuel,
11:34and he seems to have got himself jammed over the swivel chair.
11:37And the flowers have just fallen on him.
11:39No, everything else is fine.
11:41He's got a problem.
11:41He's got a problem.
11:42Ah!
11:43Right!
11:45He's up.
11:46Good.
11:47Up.
11:47Up.
11:48Up.
11:49Basically, very good.
11:50Right.
11:51Good.
11:58He's good.
11:59He's good.
12:13Good morning.
12:15Good morning.
12:15Good morning.
12:29I hadn't forgotten.
12:31I just told somebody I can't cope.
12:33I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?
12:34Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs.
12:36While learning two oriental languages, yes.
12:39Mr Fawlty?
12:40Yes?
12:40Who else is doing the upstairs?
12:42Only you.
12:42It doesn't take a moment.
12:43Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes.
12:45So?
12:46Well, what happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?
12:48Who does the upstairs then?
12:50Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it, shall we?
12:52What's the panic?
12:53There's always going to be an argument about everything.
12:54PHONE RINGS
12:57Hello?
12:57Fawlty Towers?
12:59Oh, what is it now?
13:00Can't you leave me in peace?
13:02Yes.
13:03Yes, we're just going to have it.
13:04I hadn't forgotten.
13:06Yes, I know.
13:07I know I need the key.
13:08It's on the top of the...
13:09Well, where is it?
13:12Well, what you put it in there for?
13:13Nobody's going to steal it, are they?
13:16Yes, I know that you know, but I don't.
13:18Yes, yes, I do now.
13:19Thank you so much.
13:20I mean, why has she got to complicate it?
13:21I put something down.
13:22I know where it is.
13:23So she has to come along and move the damn thing
13:25so that I can't find it where it is.
13:27PHONE RINGS
13:28Well, what'd she put that on?
13:30Oh, I might have guessed.
13:31PHONE RINGS
13:31Sorry.
13:31Sorry, Major.
13:32Only the burglar alarm.
13:33PHONE RINGS
13:34Sorry, Miss Tibbs.
13:35What?
13:36That was the burglar alarm.
13:37The fire drill's not for a couple of minutes.
13:38Sorry.
13:39Excuse me.
13:39Hello, Miss Fawlty.
13:40No, no, my wife left the...
13:42Excuse me.
13:43Yes?
13:44Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell.
13:45Sorry, that was just the...
13:46I thought there was a drill.
13:47Yes, there is at 12 o'clock, but not yet.
13:49But it is 12 o'clock.
13:50Well, not quite.
13:51Thank you. Excuse me.
13:52Yes?
13:52Will I make it 12 o'clock?
13:53I'm afraid that wasn't the...
13:54What time do you make it, Major?
13:55The burglar's about, I think.
13:57Look, it doesn't matter what time he makes it.
13:59It hasn't started yet.
14:00What?
14:00It hasn't started yet.
14:02But that was the bell, wasn't it?
14:03No.
14:04He means the drill hasn't started yet.
14:06What drill?
14:07We didn't hear a drill.
14:08No, no, no, look.
14:09That was the burglar alarm.
14:11See?
14:12The burglar alarm.
14:13Yes.
14:13Are there burglars?
14:14Evidently.
14:15No, no.
14:15What's the matter with you all?
14:16It's perfectly simple.
14:17We have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell.
14:20That wasn't the fire bell, right?
14:22Well, how were we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?
14:24Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell.
14:26It didn't.
14:27It didn't.
14:28It didn't.
14:29A fire bell is a different sense.
14:30It's a semitone higher.
14:32A semitone?
14:32At least, anyway, the fire drill doesn't start till 12 o'clock.
14:36It is 12 o'clock.
14:38Well, it is now, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it.
14:41Look!
14:42How on earth can you expect us to tell which bell is which?
14:45Oh.
14:46We haven't heard them yet, have we?
14:48You want to hear them?
14:49Right.
14:49Suits me.
14:50Here's the burglar alarm.
14:51Ought we to catch them first?
14:53There aren't any.
14:54Then why does the alarm keep going?
14:56All right.
14:56Got that?
14:57Right.
14:58What's happening now?
14:59Now, here's the fire bell, right?
15:02It's a completely different sound.
15:04Listen.
15:07Well, where are you going?
15:09Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
15:11No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:13This is so that you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I ring the bell.
15:17What are you doing?
15:18Will you come back?
15:19We're going out of line.
15:21No, just listen to it, you old fool.
15:24Listen to it!
15:25Fire!
15:26Fire!
15:26Everybody out!
15:27No!
15:29Will you shut up?
15:30Oh!
15:30Will you shut up?
15:31It's not fire.
15:33It's only bells.
15:34Where are you going?
15:35Upstairs.
15:36There isn't a drill yet.
15:37I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like.
15:39Now, will you go in there?
15:41Go help Chef.
15:41Chef not here.
15:42Well, go and go and start the chip.
15:44Chef?
15:44Yes.
15:44When bells go again, stand.
15:46Come on.
15:46No fire.
15:47Only practice.
15:48Tell him, Polly.
15:49Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
15:50Thank you so much.
15:51Perhaps they're upstairs.
15:53What's happening now?
15:56Now...
15:56We're having it!
15:59Now, are we all agreed on what the fire bell sounds like?
16:03Yes.
16:04Blame it.
16:05Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire bell which will commence in exactly 30 seconds from now.
16:10Thank you so much.
16:17What are you doing?
16:20I mean, are you just going to stand there?
16:22Well, what do you suggest?
16:23Well, couldn't money to you go in the bar and a few in the dining room? I mean, use your
16:26imagination.
16:27What?
16:28Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill.
16:30There's only a few seconds.
16:33Right, right.
16:34Well, stay where you are because obviously if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this
16:38in the lobby, wouldn't you?
16:39Why we bother? We should let you all burn.
16:44Oh, no, no, no, no, no, please.
16:46No, no, no, no.
16:47Ah!
16:48Yes!
16:49Ah!
16:50Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:51Oh, god!
16:53Ah!
16:55Ah!
16:56Ah!
16:57Ah!
16:58Ah!
17:00No, ah!
17:08Ah!
17:08Ah!
17:09It went off by accident.
17:10Oh, come on and join us.
17:11Oh, thank you.
17:12Thank you so much.
17:13Fire, fire, fire, fire.
17:16No, no.
17:17Yes.
17:17Yes, yes.
17:18Look, will you get back in there?
17:20Yes, yes, no, no.
17:22Shut up.
17:23I mean, just get over the road.
17:25Mr. Bond, it's fire.
17:26Did you hear what I said?
17:27No, but it's fire.
17:28It's no fire.
17:30It's only drill.
17:30It's fire, it's fire, it's fire.
17:33It's fire.
17:37I think it's not fire.
17:39Everybody's out upstairs.
17:40No man will listen to none of the night.
17:42There is no fire.
17:47Well, I don't clean the fire.
17:49The power was happening for another six months.
17:50Why are we bothered?
17:51Will you shut up?
17:55Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
17:57Come back in now.
17:58Oh, that's hard.
17:59You never find it.
18:00I don't know.
18:02I've had it.
18:03Shut up.
18:04Yes, I will.
18:07Have you told you have a bunch of cheddar?
18:08Oh, 40.
18:10Mr. Orton.
18:10Yes.
18:10This is an awful round.
18:12Yes, I know.
18:12It's a right, right audio game.
18:15Thank you so much for poking and nosing.
18:17What's up to you?
18:18Look, I could have...
18:20If you don't know about this, I may have...
18:27Right, ladies and gentlemen, could I have everyone down here in the lobby?
18:32Sorry.
18:33Sorry.
18:33Sorry to disturb you like this, but there is something that I think I ought to mention.
18:38I'm not quite sure how this has happened at this hotel before, and I'm not quite sure how it's started
18:46now.
18:46What is it?
18:47Well, the point is, can I put it this way?
18:50Um...
18:52Fire!
18:53What?
18:54Fire!
18:55F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fire.
18:57Fire!
18:59Where?
18:59Father!
19:00Fire!
19:03Fire!
19:04Fire!
19:05Fire!
19:06Fire!
19:07Fire!
19:07Where do you want?
19:09With your mom!
19:10With your mom!
19:12Right!
19:12Right!
19:13Fire!
19:14Where's the key? Where is the key? I mean, would you believe it?
19:17I mean, would you believe it? The first time we've ever had a fire here in this hotel
19:22and somebody's lost the key!
19:24I mean, isn't that typical of this place?
19:26Oh, thank you, God! Thank you so bloody much!
19:30What?
19:32What?
19:42Hello!
19:43Hello!
19:43Thank you!
19:44Thank you!
19:46Open the door!
19:48Thank you!
19:50Wait!
19:50Wait!
19:52Wait!
19:53Wait!
19:54Wait!
19:55Wait!
19:55I'm Matt Will!
19:56Matt Will!
19:57Pull! Pull, man! Pull!
20:00Guys, open the door!
20:01Hey!
20:01Hey!
20:03Hey!
20:05Hey!
20:07Hey!
20:07Oh!
20:08No!
20:09What?
20:11Hey!
20:18Oh!
20:22Hey!
20:26Hey!
20:30Hey!
20:36Oh!
20:38Oh!
20:38Oh!
20:38Oh!
20:38Oh!
20:42Oh, not at all. I was just, er...
20:44How are you feeling?
20:46A fire!
20:46It's all...
20:47A fire!
20:48It's out. There's not much...
20:49Oh, my God, where is it? What are they?
20:51What are you doing?
20:52Gotta get back. Gotta get back.
20:53Basil, will you get back into bed?
20:55What is it now?
20:57I'm going to call someone if you don't get back into bed.
20:58Listen, Simor, please. I'll handle this if you don't mind.
21:02Now, what sort of a room do you want?
21:03Basil!
21:05I can't stand around chattering all day. I've got to get back.
21:08Basil, you are not well. The doctor says you've got concussion.
21:11You must rest.
21:12I'll rest when I get to the hotel.
21:13I've just spoken to Polly. They are managing personally well.
21:15Do you know what that fire extinguisher did?
21:18It exploded in my face.
21:20I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?
21:22It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire,
21:25when you actually need the bloody thing,
21:27it blows your head off.
21:28I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson.
21:32That's a lot of noise.
21:34Now, what are you doing out of your bed?
21:36Going home, thank you so much.
21:37Yes, well, we'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?
21:40No, let's not.
21:40Now, come along.
21:41Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.
21:43Yes.
21:44Yes.
21:45We must have our little jokes.
21:46Yes, we must, mustn't we?
21:49My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
21:53Basil?
21:54Hmm?
21:55I'll get the doctor.
21:56You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
22:00You talk to sister like that. Get back into bed.
22:02You've not seen her realise that I'm needed at the hotel.
22:05No, you're not. It's running beautifully without you.
22:08Polly cannot cope!
22:09Oh, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks,
22:13or start burglar alarms, or lock people in burning rooms,
22:15or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face.
22:17But I should think the hotel can do with that.
22:19They're sort of coping for a couple of days.
22:20What do you think, Basil?
22:22What?
22:23Oh, hello, Doctor.
22:25Out of bed, Mr Forty?
22:26Ah, sort of.
22:26Oh, there they are.
22:27Well, better get back into bed.
22:28I feel a little bit woozy.
22:31You will for a time, Mr Forty. You will.
22:33Yes, quite, quite.
22:35You should get as much rest as you can.
22:38As much rest as you can.
22:40As much rest as you can.
22:42As much rest as you can.
22:42I have a window.
22:44I have a window.
22:48Oh, yeah.
23:04Gnädiges Fräulein,
23:06können Sie mir sagen, wann das Mittagessen serviert wird, bitte?
23:09Um ein Uhr.
23:10Fünf Minuten.
23:11Vielen Dank.
23:12Bitte schön.
23:18Manuel?
23:19Oh, Mr Forty.
23:21Ah, good evening.
23:22Are you all right now?
23:23Perfectly, thank you.
23:23Take this to the room, please, dear.
23:25Are you sure you're all right?
23:27Perfectly, thank you.
23:28Right as rain.
23:35You OK?
23:36Fine, thank you, dear.
23:37You go and have a lie down.
23:39OK?
23:40Ah, there you are.
23:40Will you take my case?
23:42How did you get there?
23:44What?
23:45Well, never mind.
23:46Take it.
23:46Take it upstairs.
23:47OK?
23:48Take it.
23:49Take it.
23:49I go get Polly.
23:50I've already had one.
23:51Take it.
23:52Take it now.
23:53God, the people I have to deal with.
23:57Pressen Sie Deutsch?
23:58I beg your pardon?
24:00Entschulding Sie bitte.
24:01Kennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?
24:03I'm sorry, could you say that again?
24:05You speak German?
24:06German.
24:07Oh, German.
24:08I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.
24:10Oh, of course.
24:12German.
24:13You speak German?
24:15Well, a little.
24:16I get by.
24:17Ein bisschen.
24:18Ah, wir wollen ein Auto mieten.
24:20Well, why not?
24:21Bitte.
24:22Yes, a little bit tricky.
24:23Would you mind saying it again?
24:24Please.
24:24Could you repeat?
24:26Amplify?
24:27Yes, yes.
24:28Wir?
24:29Wir, yes.
24:29Well, we'll come back to that.
24:30Wollen.
24:32Voluntary.
24:33Ein Auto mieten.
24:34Auto.
24:35Oh, I see.
24:36You're volunteering to go out to get some meat.
24:39Not necessary.
24:41We have meat here.
24:43We have meat here in the building.
24:52Ah, Polly, just explaining about the meat.
24:54Oh, we weren't expecting you.
24:56Oh, weren't you?
24:57They're Germans.
24:57Don't mention the war.
24:59I see.
25:00Well, Mrs Fawlty said you were going to have a rest for a couple of days, you know, in the
25:04hospital.
25:04Idle hands get in the way of the devil's work, Fawlty.
25:08Now.
25:08Right.
25:09Well, why don't you go and have a lie down and I can deal with this.
25:11Yes, yes.
25:12Good idea.
25:12Good idea, Elsie.
25:13Yes.
25:13Bit of a headache, actually.
25:15We don't think you're well, Mr Fawlty.
25:17Well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you.
25:21You must have hurt yourself.
25:22My dear woman, a blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush.
25:28Oh, no, but it was a nasty knock.
25:32Mmm, would you like one?
25:33Next, please.
25:35Oh, Polly, are these Germans too?
25:37Oh, yes, sir, I can do.
25:38Right, right.
25:39Here's the plan.
25:39Then I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war.
25:44Before their lunch.
25:46Don't mention the war.
26:01Can we help you?
26:05Are you speaking English?
26:07Of course.
26:08Ah, wonderful.
26:09Wunderbar.
26:10Ah, please allow me to introduce myself.
26:12I am the owner of Fawlty Towers.
26:14And may I welcome your war.
26:17Your war.
26:17You war.
26:18You war.
26:19You war.
26:20And hope that your stay will be a happy one.
26:22Now, would you like to eat first?
26:24Or would you like a drink before the war?
26:27Need that our trespasses will be tied up with piano one.
26:31Sorry!
26:32Sorry!
26:32Oh, oh, oh.
26:33Drop of the old leg.
26:34Oh, come.
26:35Such a shrapnel in the war.
26:36Korean!
26:37Korean!
26:38Oh, sorry, Korean.
26:39Hmm?
26:40Thank you, we will eat now.
26:41Oh, good.
26:42Please, do allow me.
26:43May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent?
26:47Can I speak to Dr Finn, please?
26:49I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly, but now that we're in, I'm determined to make
26:53it work, so I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
26:55The place is grilled, but that doesn't matter.
26:57There's life in the old thing yet.
26:58Wait a moment.
26:58Got a bit confused there.
26:59Oh, yes.
27:00The place is grilled.
27:01In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?
27:02I'll open a window.
27:03Have a look.
27:04And the veal chop is done with rosemary.
27:07Funny.
27:07Thought you'd go to Canada.
27:08It's fancy.
27:09And it's delicious and nutritious.
27:12In fact, it's vealy good.
27:14Vealy good.
27:15A veal is good.
27:17Yes, doesn't matter.
27:17Doesn't matter.
27:18Never mind.
27:18May we have two ex-mayonases?
27:20Certainly.
27:21Why not?
27:22Why not indeed?
27:22We're all friends now, eh?
27:24A prawn cocktail.
27:25All in the markets together.
27:27The whole difference is forgotten and no need at all to mention the war.
27:30Sorry.
27:31Sorry.
27:31What was it again?
27:32A prawn cocktail.
27:33Oh, prawn.
27:34That was it.
27:34When you said prawn, I thought you said war.
27:36Oh.
27:37Oh, the war.
27:38Oh, yes.
27:39Completely slipped my mind.
27:40Yes, I've forgotten all about it.
27:41Hitler, Himmler and all that.
27:42Oh, yes.
27:43Completely forgotten it.
27:44Just like that.
27:46Sorry.
27:47What was it again?
27:47A prawn cocktail.
27:49Oh, yes.
27:50Heber prawn.
27:50Yes.
27:51And Goebbels.
27:52I hardly remember at all.
27:53And a pickled haig.
27:55Hermann Goring.
27:56Yes, yes.
27:57And a...
27:58That was another one.
27:59And four cold meat salads, please.
28:01Certainly.
28:01Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.
28:03Hors d'oeuvres.
28:04Which must be obeyed at all times without question.
28:07Sorry.
28:08Sorry.
28:09George, will you please call your wife immediately?
28:11Sim off.
28:12Sim off.
28:12She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
28:14Yes, call her there.
28:15I can't.
28:16I've got too much to do.
28:17Listen, don't mention the war.
28:18I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it, all right.
28:21So, it's all forgotten now and let's hear no more about it.
28:25So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goring,
28:28and four cold meat salads.
28:31Now, wait a minute.
28:31I got a bit confused here.
28:32Sorry.
28:33I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.
28:35So, could you...
28:36What's the matter?
28:37It's all right.
28:38Is there something wrong?
28:40Will you stop talking about the war?
28:41Me?
28:42You started it?
28:43We did not start it.
28:45Yes, you did.
28:45You invaded Poland.
28:47Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:48Yes.
28:50You'll like this one.
28:51There's this woman.
28:51She's completely stupid.
28:53She'd never remember anything.
28:54And her husband's in a bomber for Berlin.
28:57Oh, sorry.
28:58Sorry.
28:59Yes.
28:59She'll have this one.
29:00She'll laugh at...
29:01Leave her alone.
29:01No, this is a street.
29:02I mean, I've never seen anyone not laugh at this.
29:04Look, she'll love it.
29:06She's German.
29:08No, Mr. Portman.
29:09What?
29:10Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
29:11What?
29:12Jimmy Cagney.
29:13Jimmy Cagney?
29:14I know.
29:14You're dirty right.
29:15I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
29:17Please try.
29:18I'm going to get you.
29:18Shut up.
29:20Here, what?
29:20Who's this, then?
29:22Stark human!
29:23No, no, no!
29:26I'll do the funny walk.
29:27He can't!
29:30He can't!
29:31He can't!
29:32He can't!
29:33He can't!
29:33He can't!
29:34He can't!
29:35Stop it!
29:36Stop it!
29:38I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid kraut!
29:43Funny?
29:44Not funny?
29:46You're joking!
29:47It's not funny for her.
29:48Not for us.
29:49Not for any German people.
29:50You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?
29:53This is not funny!
29:55Oh, and the bloody war anyway!
29:58Mr. Colty, you'll be all right.
30:00Come with me.
30:01Fine.
30:16Oh!
30:17Oh!
30:18Oh!
30:19Oh!
30:20Oh!
30:23He hit me on the head!
30:25No!
30:26No!
30:26You hit him on the head!
30:28You naughty moose!
30:31How ever did they win?
30:32No!
30:33No!
30:34No!
30:46No!
31:01You so did!
Comments