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*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
*Fawlty Towers* is a classic British comedy set in a chaotic seaside hotel run by the short-tempered and socially awkward Basil Fawlty, played by John Cleese. Alongside his domineering wife Sybil Fawlty, the sensible maid Polly Sherman, and the hapless waiter Manuel, Basil constantly finds himself in absurd situations of his own making.
Across its two short seasons (1975 and 1979), the show delivers tightly written episodes filled with misunderstandings, farce, and escalating chaos—from dealing with difficult guests to famously disastrous events like the hotel inspection and the arrival of German tourists. Despite having only 12 episodes in total, *Fawlty Towers* is widely regarded as one of the greatest sitcoms ever made, known for its sharp writing, unforgettable characters, and relentless comedic timing.
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00:03Captions by GetTranscribed.com
00:03Captions by GetTranscribed.com
00:26Why is it so difficult for you to start?
00:28It's so basic. If you don't go, you'll have no good point having you.
00:49just put yourself together all right make an effort
00:55come on now look mr faulty mr faulty mr faulty uh telephone what
01:03telephone a telephone uh where's sybil okay where's sybil uh where's the bill no no no bill i own
01:16the place i don't pay bills where's my wife she's not here she is there uh oh never mind never
01:25mind
01:26right leave it to me i'll do it i'll mend the car i'll answer the telephone
01:33in here in here yes i know it's this way yes yes i know it's this way i own the
01:38place
01:40hello faulty towers oh andre thank you for calling
01:46kirk's marvelous we're absolutely delighted with him really andre he's wonderful this basil's wife
01:52this basil this smack on head
01:58just one minute andre
02:01basil yes have you taken the car in yet yes i'm just eating with it you're not trying to do
02:05it
02:06yourself are you basil oh have you seen this mark up here did you hear what i said yes i
02:10did there's a
02:10bit of a scratch take it into the garage basil yes just having a look at it dear sorry andre
02:15where was
02:16i oh yes well he's the best chef we've ever had we can't thank you enough for finding him for
02:22us
02:23look can you come and have dinner on sunday there's something we want to ask your advice about
02:29okay lovely see you then then
02:35hello polly can you come and have a drink mrs faulty i've just sold a sketch really i'd love to
02:40do it hello hello hello hello cut on they can come on sunday i thought you're taking the car in
02:46hmm are you at those again i just took one dear i think you've had enough of those basil now
02:50will
02:51you deal with the car please good mr faulty superb for you mr faulty oh thank you polly are you
02:57going
02:57to do the car in a moment my little piranha fish i've just sold a sketch what for money i've
03:05bought it
03:05mr faulty she's very talented oh no oh come on no thank you oh please i bought it a thank
03:11you
03:11no honestly don't you like it too much but not when i'm working you drink it for me manuel well
03:17cheerio
03:18cheerio basil well that smells nice here it is mr faulty she's really got something you know really
03:25well worth 50p anyway yes do you uh do you win a bun if you guess what it is or
03:29something it's manwell
03:31what it's me where manuel is my friend we are good friends eh oh she yeah it's very modern very
03:38socialist yeah something to remember him by you know when he goes he's still here basil no i went a
03:44couple of minutes ago dear but i expect i'll get back shortly oh no no manuel look like this
03:51oh i like that would you do me one really of manuel yes look nice on basil's bedside table two
03:58and a
03:58day that's as many as van gogh sold in a lifetime ah but he didn't have manuel as a model
04:03eh
04:24hmm this is wonderful i told you he's one of the best he's almost as good as you andre he's
04:31absolutely divine basil go on have a bit hmm it is good isn't it oh listen to him the only
04:36place
04:37i've ever really seen him eat is your restaurant andre knew he's stuffing it away like a hamster
04:40really civil i'm going to have to buy him a great big wheel to run around him when he's got
04:44a
04:44or he'll get like a big bad tempered tomato i believe we were discussing the gourmet evening
04:50dear do you know andre burst his zip this morning oh
04:57what's the matter darling you're embarrassing andre no dear i'm embarrassing you look at that
05:02well i'd better go and have all over the guests why don't you have another vat of wine dear
05:09hey good evening major enjoying your soup well it tasted a bit off to me for dear
05:13uh well it's made with fresh mushrooms major ah that would explain it
05:19good evening everything to your satisfaction oh well i don't like the chips sorry the chips are
05:26awful oh dear what's uh what's wrong with them then they're the wrong shape and they're just awful
05:30i'm afraid he gets everything cooked the way he likes it at home ah does he does he yes i
05:35do and
05:35it's better than this kid's garbage now ronald these eggs look like you laid them ronald
05:41look look look here old chap shut up leave him alone he's very clever rather highly strung yes yes
05:48he should be well these are proper french fried potatoes you see the chef is continental couldn't
05:54you get an english one why don't you eat just one or two dear they're the wrong shape oh dear
06:00what
06:00shape you usually have mickey mouse shape smarty shape amphibious landing craft shape poke in the eye
06:06shape god you're done oh now is there something we can get you instead sunny i'd like some bread and
06:13salad cream to eat well there's the bread and there's the mayonnaise i said salad cream stupid
06:21we don't have any salad cream the chef made this freshly this morning what a dump this is very good
06:27he likes salad cream that's puke that is well at least it's fresh puke oh dear may i ask why
06:35you
06:36don't have proper salad cream i mean most rest well the uh the chef usually buys it only on special
06:40occasions you know gourmet nights and so on but um when he's got a bottle ah he's a genius with
06:46it
06:46he can unscrew the cap like robert carrier it's a treat to watch and then right in the plate
06:52nut on the walls magic mind you he's a wizard with a tin opener too he's got a pulitzer prize
06:56for that
06:56he can have the stuff in the saucepan before you can say haute cuisine you name it he'll heat it
07:02up and
07:02scrape it off the pan for you mind you skill like that isn't picked up overnight still i'll tell him
07:06to get some salad cream i mean you never know when henry kissinger's gonna drop in do you oh sorry
07:14nice man no no seriously i think it's a very good idea you do really i promise you people around
07:20you are getting more and more keen on good food so much for the night's guests ignorant rabble
07:25there's always a few mr faulty well not on gourmet night there won't be none of these proles
07:29and i think thursday nights would be best thursdays i think so right and on all the other nights we'll
07:36just have a big trough of baked beans and garnish it with a couple of dead dogs
07:41well that's settled then good and i'm very pleased for kurt too it will be good for him to have
07:46something special to do i'd like to have a word with him do you mind no of course not right
07:51well
07:52i'll get the menus printed on monday polly can do the menus no she can't yes she can no she
07:56can no she
07:56can't yes she can yes she can you can write the advertisement in the echo only don't make it too
08:02toffee nose basil we don't want to put people off i just want to keep the riffraff away dear well
08:06good luck
08:07my old friend it's good to have you down here thank you for well you know don't mention it nice
08:13to
08:13have met you manuel and he's my friend oh one night i cook you both paella okay and kurt um
08:19you don't trust me ciao ciao manuel together you and i make faulty towers famous for its cooking
08:26okay excellent tip top famoso oh you are so cute
08:38get a clean one it's clean now
08:44oh it's dirty now
08:49do you like the menu mr faulty no i don't oh good what thank you thank you so much
08:55give it to me give it to me
09:01well basil guess who just called to cancel at 12 minutes past seven who the coosters
09:06what all four marvelous isn't it ah what do they say one of them's ill honest hope it's nothing trivial
09:14i feel like there are four people at our grand opening dinner never mind never mind never mind
09:21there's four people basil shall we feed them in the kitchen but think who those four are colonel and
09:25mrs hall both jps and lionel twitchin one of talkies leading rotarians that'll put us on the map
09:32he's this year's treasurer dear i should never have let you write that advert fancy putting no riffraff
09:37well when you're presenting oat cuisine you don't want the working class sticking its nose in it
09:43everything all right where's kurt he and manuel are getting the wine from the cellar right
09:47ah this is what it's all about you two you're supposed to be in your rooms what you're not allowed
09:53down here tonight remember oh doesn't it look pretty what are you cooking i'll send you up a menu
09:57with your bread and cheese now get up get up they're here what the halls are here right
10:03go to your rooms go to your rooms mr falcon mr falcon i'm very upset no no man well later
10:13when i went for my jog this morning i thought it was going to be pretty warm but in the
10:19event of
10:20course it turned out to be pretty cool really uh then it began to cloud up this afternoon quite
10:26contrary to the weather forecast naturally and i shouldn't be a bit surprised if we got a
10:32spot of rain tonight still it's been a lovely summer hasn't it oh yeah colonel how delightful
10:37to see you again sorry how delightful to see you again uh we met last year at the golf club
10:43dinner
10:43dance you may remember no i don't ah fine well we we didn't talk for long it's just good evening
10:49really you know a blink in the eye and you'd have missed it as indeed you did quite understandably
10:54oh sorry what wait uh how's that lovely daughter of yours she's dead i like your suit isn't that super
11:06the way those stripes go up and down it's really super how much did that cost then who are you
11:11i mean i
11:12don't know your name what is it what my name oh this is my husband basil faulty that's it well
11:23ah how do you do how do you do i may i introduce my wife well she just introduced you
11:27oh what a
11:27coincidence yes well i don't believe you know my wife dead yes may i introduce mrs hall
11:38oh sorry didn't see you down there don't get up
11:45what would you like to drink mrs small oh yes uh a short or
11:51how about a sherry a sherry lovely oh good large or or or not not quite so large
11:58too small and dry oh i wouldn't say that what i don't know two small dry sherry oh i see
12:06what
12:06you mean i'm sorry ah mr and mrs good evening welcome to 40 times how very oh fair of you
12:15to
12:15come to our little culinary soiree this evening only too glad to support something new in torquay
12:20such an unusual idea i do hope it works out well we have our hopes mr faulty ah polly would
12:25you take
12:25mrs twitching's coat please yes of course thank you so much now would you work mr faulty yes can i
12:30have a word with you yes oh well this is polly she will be serving you later this evening
12:35ah well it's kurt yes he's potted the shrimps what he's potted the shrimps shrimps not having shrimps tonight
12:47polly now would you he's souced the herrings what are you talking about he's pickled the onions and he's
12:57smashed the eggs in his cups under the table excuse me have you been drinking no not me well will
13:06you
13:06behave yourself i'm so sorry would you wear careful now may i offer you a little aperitif
13:20and may i offer you a little aperitif uh what do you make up your mind what you would like
13:24that's
13:24very kind of you um a tomato juice please ah mr twitching that's tomato juice for me thank you
13:29ah good oh colonel uh colonel and mrs hall uh may i introduce uh mr and mrs
13:40have you met no no we haven't have you no oh good well uh what would you like to drink
13:45then
13:45what to drink i didn't catch the name oh you didn't catch it what a rotten bit of luck well
13:51yes finally don't you no no we still don't know the name oh 40 basil 40 no no no oh
13:57dear i'm so
13:58sorry i thought you meant the author ah it's very warm isn't it i could do a drink too so
14:04another
14:04sheriff well aren't you going to introduce us didn't i no oh sorry uh this is mr and mrs
14:09father's what mr and mrs oh sorry i fainted oh i feel better than that i'll just get you your
14:22tomato juices oh would you care to join us oh thank you so much here we are would you like
14:30to see the
14:31menu yes what is it please put the bottle down what do you want please put the bottle down what
14:36is
14:37it kurt is drunk sorry sorry drunk almost unconscious right sorry sorry sorry how i don't
14:58know what happened so quickly he had a row with manuel and manuel he's got a crush on him a
15:02what a
15:02crush you know in love oh um would you excuse me just one moment i won't be one moment
15:10i know i should never have hired a frenchman he's great mr 40 greek of course well that's
15:14even worse i mean they invented it right give that to me cut come on give me that bottle now
15:21go away
15:21leave me alone come on give it to me manuel manuel he doesn't love me well well you have to
15:33give
15:33these things time i want manuel well i'm sure we could arrange something now can i have the bottle
15:38he's so sweet yes he is sweet i know yes he's wonderful yes yes i know
15:51come on come on get some black coffee quick he can't drink it he's out there he isn't he's only
15:57drunk manuel he's drunk manuel this is your fault okay you only had to be civil to him nice
16:17no no you know understand he's not enough he want to kiss me oh what's my little call andre he
16:24can
16:24do the cooking he's open tonight he's open on a thirsty a cloth he had built but he can do
16:28it there
16:29and you can pick it up in the car oh brilliant oh brilliant
16:36right right i can't resist lobster no no don't for me every time will you care for another drink
16:42no i don't think we will we're nearly ready to order we'll be back in a moment so you can't
16:47do
16:47the lobster no right right i see but but andre the tornadoes yes i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
16:53yes yes of course i want the duck that's marvelous but i mean can you do one or two sauces
16:59wonderful that's it thank you thank you andre what are you talking to andre what is it what is it
17:03we're ready to order battle we'll stall them stall them what stall them you stupid woman tell them some
17:08lie what's happening you just tell me what you're doing we've got to change the menu why why listen
17:17he's out there he's out he's flat out so andre's uh what who is out kurt who do you think
17:23henry
17:24kissinger what do you mean out he's drunk drunk drunk sows potted inebriated got it i don't believe it
17:32neither do i perhaps it's a dream no it's not a dream we're stuck with it right
17:40andre's doing the cooking are collected in the car what's he cooking duck duck duck duck you know
17:46duck
17:55i'm so sorry to have kept you waiting well we'd like to order now yes quite um my wife would
18:01like
18:01the lobster as her yes excuse me there is one small thing i'm afraid you were given the wrong
18:07menus uh this is tonight's menu what uh yes i'm afraid the uh chef changed his mind and forgot to
18:15tell us he's like that uh brilliant but temperamental what you've changed everything i'm afraid so yes it
18:20wasn't good enough so he just chucked it away he's such a perfectionist lobster tornado you name it it's in
18:26the bin i've strong yes lucky old bin i say so uh this is your new menu duck with orange
18:32duck with
18:33cherries duck surprise what's duck surprise uh that's duck without orange or cherries
18:42i mean is this all there is duck um yes done of course the three extremely different ways and what
18:49you do if you don't like duck uh well if you don't like duck uh you're rather stuck fortunately i
18:58love
18:58it oh good so uh that's four ducks is it oh you were right oh now we're getting this duck
19:05from andre yes
19:06but i don't know what vegetables he's put on three salamuses polly and one mullet uh with mustard
19:11sauce for mrs hall right where's the muck where is the mullet oh great what are you doing about
19:16vegetables same same as the other menu dear um andre's not doing anything no no you know them
19:20you and polly uh mustard sauce mustard sauce right now uh when i'm out in the car you get them
19:25ready right right right ready polly ready manuel right two of those for table nine and one of those and
19:39the other way round okay the other way round oh please yeah what was you no no the plates change
19:46the plates oh oh it's dirty i changed no no no no come here come here change the plates change
20:01i'm sorry sorry sorry it's wrong i'm so sorry he's from barcelona do forgive me i don't know what
20:12he sees in you do you think we could have a drink dear may i see the wine list please
20:23walter
20:32certainly major how is it rather good surprisingly well there's the uh wine list oh thank you very
20:40much oh what is it what's the matter is everything all right oh i think i'm going to be sick
20:48yes uh
20:49it is an unusual taste isn't it it's not cooked you ignoramus what are you trying to do to it
20:56sport
20:56you mean that's raw oh why would you prefer a cooked one i can't even cook one then it'll be
21:02even
21:02nicer no no this is raw this mullet is raw i mean what do we do to it cut cut
21:08cut listen what do we do
21:10to this hmm do we grill it if we grill it just go oh all right do we fry just
21:16go oh
21:19it's very well isn't it that's all will you just give out
21:22wine what what colonel wants a wine no no you know polly don't hit a woman
21:33have you uh have you chosen yet major colonel have you chosen your wine oh yes shabbley please
21:40thank you waitress yes there's a hair in my mousse well don't talk too loud everybody will
21:49want one i'm so sorry about that the mullet's on its way
22:19oh
22:19oh you are a beautiful duck for you it should be delicious top hello top top
22:27he's always asleep there you are don't forget the sources
22:30oh yeah thank you all right oh
22:55oh
22:55what no good no no this is better good
22:57oh
22:58Oh.
23:05Oh.
23:24Oh.
23:26Right, I'll cover it on the trolley.
23:28Well done, everybody.
23:30Get the trolley ready.
23:31Right, right, let's go.
23:35What are you doing, you stupid mate?
23:38Wait a minute.
23:38What?
23:39I think it'll be all right.
23:40Yes, you're right.
23:46Look at that.
23:51What the hell?
23:51Yes, go and kill yourself.
23:52No!
23:53No!
23:54Talk to Andre first.
23:55Tell him we need another one.
23:58No, talk to them.
23:59What?
24:00Entertain them or something.
24:01Andre, it's Sybil 40.
24:03Well, I'm afraid he got trodden on.
24:20Sorry, it's so wrong.
24:21It's a dragon.
24:22Ah, no, no, no, no.
24:34Ah, no, no, no, no.
24:34Andre, don't worry.
24:35It's all on the convo.
24:36Look at that.
24:37Oh.
24:37Right.
24:39Okay.
24:39Wait a minute.
24:40No, no, no, no.
24:40What?
24:40I must import more sources.
24:43No, wait a minute.
24:43No, no, no, no.
24:44This way.
24:44I'm sorry.
24:45I don't need them.
24:45Really.
24:45It's all right.
24:46Okay.
24:46It's fine.
24:47Let's go out of your shade.
25:02Come on!
25:07Come on!
25:18I'm just a girl who can't say no.
25:21I'm in a terrible fix.
25:29Come!
25:30Oh!
25:40Come on!
25:42Come on!
25:43Come on!
25:45Come on!
25:52Come on!
25:52Oh, my God!
25:54I'm warning you!
25:55You don't start!
25:58I'll count to three.
25:59One!
26:00Two!
26:02Three!
26:03Right!
26:03That's it!
26:05You've tried it on just once too often!
26:08Right!
26:09Well, don't say I have warned you!
26:11I've laid it on the line to you time and time again!
26:14Right!
26:15Well, this is it!
26:16I'm gonna give you a damn good trashing!
26:29I can't be prissy and quaint!
26:32How can I be when I ain't?
26:35I can't say no!
26:46What?
26:47Um...
26:48Any...
26:49Any sign of the duck?
26:51Oh, it's...
26:51It's just coming.
26:57Oh, Uncle Ted comes in with his crate of brown ale and...
27:05Ha!
27:05Ha!
27:08...and...
27:08...mama says,
27:09Ooh, Ted, look who's here!
27:11And he says,
27:13Okay, Polly!
27:15Okay!
27:15Got the saucers!
27:16Got them!
27:17Right!
27:21Ladies and gentlemen,
27:24So, sorry.
27:24I don't care to you, lady.
27:28Uh...
27:53Who's for trifle?
27:55What?
27:56Trifle for you, Mrs Hall.
27:58What about the duck, Voughty?
28:05Duck's off.
28:06Sorry.
28:34What about the duck, Voughty?
28:34I'm going to play a little bit.
28:34I'm going to play a little bit.
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