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00:23My name is Ronny.
00:25This is my cafe, but at the moment my life is one big problem.
00:29You see, I have to be nice to the Germans.
00:33They are my customers, they are winning the war,
00:36so if I am not nice to them, they will shoot me.
00:39I have to be nice to the resistance.
00:41Otherwise they will shoot him for being nice to the Germans.
00:46I have to be nice to my wife,
00:48because if she finds out I'm having an affair with Yvette,
00:51she will shoot me.
00:53And if Yvette finds out I'm having an affair with Maria,
00:56well, she will shoot me.
00:58Now, Otto Flick, the Gestapo officer,
01:01is having dinner in the back room.
01:03Upstairs are two German officers in their underwear,
01:05because I have borrowed their uniforms
01:07to help two British airmen to escape.
01:09The pianist over there is in fact a forger for the Marquis.
01:14And the German officer at that table fancies me.
01:20And it is only Tuesday.
01:24Really? The Colonel is getting very impatient.
01:27You promised he would have his uniform back in 15 minutes.
01:30It is now 45.
01:31Take his mind off it. Keep him amused.
01:33How can I look at my celery?
01:36But Maria, can't you entertain him?
01:38How can I?
01:39My celery isn't even good enough for soup.
01:41Erick, Erick of the Gestapo is paying his bill.
01:45Erick, Erick says he is going to search the building.
01:48He will find the painting of the Fall of Madonna by Van Klomp in the cellar.
01:51No, no, the painting has gone.
01:52But so too are the uniforms of the Colonel and your Captain.
01:55If they find the Colonel and the Captain in their underwear,
01:58this could make the Gestapo suspicious.
02:01Erick, Erick, you must keep Erick amused.
02:04And do you think the Gestapo is a very serious business?
02:07Surely you can think of something?
02:09I have it.
02:10Give me a large glass of your strongest brandy.
02:12Of course, at once.
02:24You had ten minutes.
02:26You'll take it five.
02:28We must hide the German officers quickly.
02:30Take them to the room of my mother.
02:32Yeah, Maria, go and tell the officers.
02:34I will explain to the old girl.
02:40It is!
02:42Can nobody hear me?
02:45Shut up, you old bat!
02:47This place is throwing me the Gestapo!
02:49I shall tell them nothing.
02:53Now, listen carefully to what I have to say.
02:56Two German officers are coming to your room.
02:59Pete!
03:02I will fight them to my dying breast.
03:09They have already taken off their uniforms.
03:12Have you no finesse?
03:15They will not touch you, Mama.
03:17Ah, ha, ha, ha.
03:18Such is what they said in 1917.
03:24Get in the wardrobe.
03:26If I do not have my uniform in ten minutes, you will be shot!
03:30But, Colonel, your revolver is on the belt of the uniform,
03:33which is around the waist of the British Airman,
03:36who is not here.
03:38Get in the wardrobe!
03:39Come on!
03:40I do it!
03:42René!
03:42He is searching the restaurant and then he is on his way up here!
03:45Who is?
03:46Otto Flick of the Gestapo!
03:48Gestapo?!
03:51Not a word!
03:53The Gestapo are coming!
03:54If they find the Germans in the wardrobe, I could be shot!
03:56I shall not yield to the torture of the Gestapo!
04:01Long live fraud!
04:05Shut up!
04:07They're Otto Flick!
04:11Good evening.
04:13Good evening, Herr.
04:13I am sorry to put you to inconvenience,
04:17but there are certain things I need to know.
04:19There are two German officers in the wardrobe
04:22and the very few officers on the carpet.
04:26They are missing.
04:29I see I'm wasting my time here.
04:32I will take the cognac to the German officers in the room of my mother.
04:40If they do not get their uniforms soon, they will go med.
04:44Go with her, Yvette.
04:45She is under a great strain.
04:49René, when are we going to be alone?
04:52Go to the pantry.
04:54Wait for me by the brie.
04:56Keep the...
04:58Keep the lid on until I arrive.
05:03Check the window.
05:06Oh, Claire.
05:07Put that chair at the back of the door.
05:14Now climb on the chair.
05:17Oh, Maria.
05:18Oh, Claire!
05:21My little cabbage, my little bean shoot.
05:24My big cucumber.
05:27You have no idea what the feel of your firm young body does to me.
05:32Yes, I have.
05:34Hold me forever.
05:39What were you saying to Yvette?
05:41Nothing!
05:42Nothing, nothing.
05:43No, she is nothing to me.
05:45You are my only true love.
05:48But how long can we keep our fair secret from your wife?
05:50Well, as long as my earring is good and my reaction's active.
05:56Someone at the window.
05:57Oh!
05:58Yes, I heard.
05:59But these cowardly old legs of mine are paralyzed with fear.
06:03I shall see who it is.
06:08Huh?
06:08Huh?
06:09Oh.
06:12You know, the velvet is wearing.
06:14We shall have to start using another chair soon.
06:19It is a resistance.
06:20Michel, why are you here?
06:23Listen, very carefully.
06:24I shall say this only once.
06:26Renée!
06:28There is no bruit.
06:30I ate it last night.
06:31Listen, I shall say this only once.
06:34Renée!
06:35The German officers cannot stay in the room of my mother.
06:38London will be calling on the radio.
06:40The radio is under her bed and the loudspeaker is in her chamber.
06:44If the Germans hear a voice coming from a chamber pot, our cover will be blown.
06:48Helen!
06:50Shut up!
06:51Michel has something to tell us.
06:53Listen very carefully.
06:55I shall say this only once.
06:57What is it you are going to say?
06:58I haven't said it yet.
07:00If you listen, I will tell you.
07:02The suspense is killing me.
07:05The two British airmen wearing the German uniforms have been captured.
07:10No!
07:10Yes!
07:11No!
07:11Yes!
07:14Will nobody believe this woman?
07:18Get on with your story!
07:19They have been captured by the resistance.
07:22Then why are we worried?
07:23They have not been captured by our resistance.
07:26What other resistance is there?
07:28The communist resistance.
07:30What are you?
07:31De Gaulle.
07:31De Gaulle?
07:32He is the tall one.
07:35Can you not just ask them if we can have our uniforms back?
07:39We do not know where they are hiding them.
07:41What is more, we do not speak to them.
07:43When the war is over, whichever is the strongest group will control France.
07:48The communists are ruthless killers.
07:50We will have to eliminate them.
07:51Well, we cannot get those Germans out of here without uniforms.
07:55Oh, the uniforms are no problem.
07:58London can do anything.
07:59I cannot tell the Germans I'm in touch with London.
08:03Give me a shot.
08:04What?
08:04We could tell them Monsieur Leclerc de Pogère is a tailor.
08:07And he is going to make them new uniforms.
08:10René, you are married to a very clever woman.
08:14Well, I have always preferred brains to beauty.
08:18Unless they are big knockers.
08:21Go on, tell Leclerc.
08:26Look, how can we get uniforms from London?
08:28The wireless is under the bed and the Germans are in the wardrobe.
08:31This is no problem.
08:33We will send the message by pigeon.
08:35We have no pigeons.
08:37They will be provided.
08:39Tomorrow morning at midday, you will go to 36 rue Descargot.
08:43You will knock three times and they will give you pigeons.
08:48To avoid suspicion, you will be disguised as a small boy.
08:53But why can't I be disguised as a small girl?
08:56Because you are a small girl.
09:01Do you know what you do?
09:03Yes, yes, of course.
09:05I am to pretend I am a tailor.
09:08But who do I measure?
09:11Two German officers.
09:12They are in the room of my mother.
09:13In the wardrobe, in their underwear.
09:17Of course.
09:22I have come for the measurements.
09:24Well, there it is.
09:26It's the undertaker.
09:29I am in the peak of hell.
09:34That voice.
09:36That face.
09:39Beauty's old eyes deceive me.
09:42Can it be after all these years?
09:45LAUGHTER
09:49My f...
09:50Fanny!
09:52Can it be?
09:54It is Roger.
09:57My...
09:59My own sweetheart.
10:01Roger!
10:02Fanny!
10:04Roger!
10:07Fanny!
10:10After all these years, where have you been?
10:16LAUGHTER
10:18In the nick, my life.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:23And now fate has brought us together.
10:26LAUGHTER
10:28Remember when we were young?
10:31LAUGHTER
10:33You used to run your fingers through my lovely long hair.
10:38Yes.
10:40Well, remember.
10:42You always used to bite my ear.
10:45LAUGHTER
10:46I remember.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:51Where did I put my teeth?
10:55LAUGHTER
10:57LAUGHTER
11:03That is the bomb there.
11:06Is that where they are hiding them?
11:07Oh, without a doubt.
11:09We must get those uniforms, so we have to attack.
11:12Now, listen very carefully.
11:14I shall say this only once.
11:17LAUGHTER
11:17Right.
11:18Listen to me, my friends.
11:20Unless you tell us what we want to know,
11:22I will make life very uncomfortable for you.
11:26What's she talking about, do you suppose?
11:28I've actually no idea.
11:30The trouble is, I do believe they think we're Jerry's.
11:33Not Jerry's!
11:34Not Jerry's!
11:35In disguise.
11:37On your side.
11:38Show them the manito and the leads.
11:42Perhaps you recognise this method of loosening the tongue.
11:46I think I've got it, Carstairs.
11:49What is it?
11:49They've got a car that won't start,
11:51and they want us to help them.
11:53Fortunately, I know nothing about cars.
11:56Neither do I.
11:57Sorry, can't help.
12:01She seems damn keen to get it going.
12:04You have five minutes to talk.
12:06Otherwise, I will shoot you.
12:08If we don't get it going, she's going to shoot herself.
12:11That would be a damn shame.
12:12Such a pretty girl.
12:14We'd better agree to do what we can.
12:17We'll do what we can.
12:19I thought so.
12:21They are prepared to talk.
12:23Cut them down.
12:28Ready?
12:29Take aim.
12:30Fire!
12:33Quick!
12:33It's the Germans.
12:34Out the back way.
12:37You'd better take a powder, Carstairs.
12:39If that's the Jerry's, we could be shot as spies.
12:42We'd better get rid of these uniforms.
12:45Shove them on the fire.
12:50This fire.
12:56We are running for it.
12:58They think we are Germans.
13:00Get to the bridge.
13:01We will cut them off there.
13:03I thought they were on our side.
13:06Hear my song
13:09In my gondola
13:13Waiting on the old lagoon
13:30The German officers will wait no longer.
13:32They are coming downstairs.
13:33In their underwear?
13:34They have changed. Look.
13:38Where did they get those clothes?
13:40From the wardrobe in the room of your wife's mother.
13:42They are the disguises left by the British airmen.
13:45Ah!
13:47Pierre and Jack, the onion sellers.
13:50Wine on the house for my old friends, Pierre and Jack.
13:53Come and sit down over here, my friends.
13:54That's it.
13:55Sit very comfortably here.
13:57That is it.
13:58A brilliant disguise, Colonel.
14:00We'll have your uniforms back as soon as possible.
14:03You said that yesterday.
14:04If we do not get any uniforms today,
14:06you'll be shot up against a ball with guns.
14:10But I see you are a man of compassion.
14:12Even as you say these words, there are tears in your eyes.
14:16It's these damned onions.
14:18Ah!
14:20Little George, my nephew.
14:24Well, it's good to see you again, lad.
14:27I have what you want, Uncle Herr.
14:29Good boy, good boy.
14:31Now take that basket full of your school books
14:33and put it in the back room.
14:35For you, Uncle, anything more.
14:41Oh!
14:44The boy is very well-built.
14:48It is my wife's cooking.
14:50Why is he wearing stockings and suspenders?
14:53We have many problems.
14:55It is my wife's cooking.
15:00Otto Flick, the Gestapo, is meeting me here for lunch.
15:03You must go at once.
15:04Too late.
15:04Here he is.
15:07Ah, Helga.
15:08You are here early.
15:09That is good.
15:10You told me not to be late.
15:12Your obedience pleases me.
15:14Sit.
15:14Yes, Herr Flick.
15:16Where?
15:16Here.
15:19You, French peasants.
15:21I am the Gestapo.
15:22I want this table.
15:24Go away, or you will be shot.
15:26You can't take that table.
15:29Helga.
15:30When I make up my mind I want something,
15:32I always get it.
15:34This I know, Herr Flick.
15:35That's why I find you so exciting.
15:39You, French peasants.
15:40I am speaking to you.
15:42Look at me.
15:46Colonel Von Strom.
15:49Captain Cleary.
15:51Heil Hitler.
15:53Klopp.
15:56Why are you dressed in the fashion of onion sellers?
15:59We can explain.
16:00We can explain.
16:01I am waiting.
16:02He is waiting.
16:04I am trying to infiltrate the resistance.
16:07I am doing the same as he is.
16:11Just as a colonel, the French avoid me.
16:13With these onions, I am one of them.
16:16I am one of them, too.
16:19I must admit, you look like one of them.
16:23I could not help overhearing this conversation.
16:27This has got nothing to do with you.
16:31Go and drink your cognac.
16:35This is an idea worthy of the Gestapo.
16:39Helga, come with me.
16:43Colonel, do you think he suspects anything?
16:46Not at the moment.
16:47But we must have those uniforms.
16:49Well, there is a slight problem, Colonel.
16:51What problem?
16:52You have our measurements.
16:54All we need is a fitting.
16:56Yes, well, that too would be a problem.
16:58You see, the uniforms are being made in London.
17:01What?
17:01You are not worried it would be made by the very best tailors.
17:05Maybe even Savile Row.
17:07Colonel, we are Germans.
17:09To have our uniforms made in London must be against the rules.
17:13That does it.
17:14I will tell the Gestapo and you will be shot.
17:17Ah, but dear Colonel, with respect,
17:20I am afraid you are in too deep.
17:22There is the little matter of helping the British Airmen to escape.
17:26You did do that, Colonel?
17:27Colonel.
17:28Then there is the priceless painting of the fallen Madonna by Van Klomp,
17:32which is wanted by the Führer.
17:33You did binge that, Colonel.
17:36Just as deep as I am.
17:38I only follow orders, your orders.
17:41Dear lovely Colonel, there is no real reason to worry.
17:45Very soon you will have your uniforms back
17:47and the copy of the painting to give to the Gestapo to please the Führer.
17:52The girls will be here with the wet celery.
17:56And life will be back to normal.
17:59He is right, Colonel.
18:00He better be.
18:02This war is getting very dangerous.
18:04I will ask my wife to prepare for you a very special lunch.
18:09Edith.
18:11We must keep those onion sellers happy.
18:14Shall I sing in song for them?
18:16No.
18:17I want you to go into the kitchen and do something unforgettable.
18:22Really?
18:23You have not said that to me since April 1904.
18:34Maria.
18:36I am very cross with you.
18:38Shall I get on the chair?
18:40No.
18:42What are these doing here?
18:43They are suspenders to keep up my stockings.
18:47Gentlemen do not wear suspenders and stockings.
18:50You should see the colonel on a good night.
18:53You nearly gave away the old game.
18:55Now take those pigeons and hide them.
18:58And for heaven's sake put on a dress.
19:00That German lieutenant thinks I am like that.
19:03You? A ball paper?
19:05Yes.
19:05Don't move.
19:07Lock the door.
19:10Are we alone?
19:12Unless you count the three of us, yes.
19:14Now when have you found the British with the uniforms?
19:16We found them but they ran away.
19:18Do you have the pigeons?
19:20Yes.
19:20Good. I have here the cylinder to attach to their legs.
19:23Do you have the measurements of the German officers?
19:25Oh, yes. I've got them here.
19:27Good.
19:28Maria, you will put this in here and clip it to the leg of one of the pigeons.
19:32You, René, will write a description of the uniforms we require.
19:35Here is the pepper supplied with the cylinder.
19:39What shall I say?
19:40Okay.
19:40To London.
19:42Please supply urgently by parachute drop at your earliest convenience.
19:47German uniforms as follows.
19:50One coronal in resource regiment.
19:54A moment, please.
19:57How am I supposed to get all that on this little bit of paper?
20:01With very small ratting.
20:04Do you know, if you had found those British, we could have got the uniforms back.
20:07We wouldn't have to go through all this farrago.
20:12Hello.
20:13Hello.
20:14Sorry about the togs.
20:16We had to pick them off a couple of scarecrows.
20:18Never mind that, chaps.
20:19What about the uniforms?
20:20We burned them.
20:22We didn't want to be sort of spies.
20:24The painting's safe, though.
20:26What are they jubbering about?
20:27They still have the picture, but they have burnt their uniforms.
20:31Oh, heck.
20:32They cannot stay here.
20:34Germans are everywhere.
20:35You will have to find somewhere.
20:37Well, there is only the room of my wife's mother.
20:39Oh, and the German colonel and captain are riding there.
20:42Oh, no, no.
20:42They are now in the restaurant disguised as onion sellers.
20:46Then we don't have to send the message by the pigeon.
20:49We can use the radio.
20:51What shall I do with these?
20:54I, them.
20:56Come, please.
21:00Hello, Mama.
21:01It is I, little lady.
21:07What are you doing in the bed of my mother?
21:10Oh, well, we were childhood sweethearts.
21:14She was my love.
21:17But I thought I had lost it.
21:19And now, once again, he has phoned it.
21:25This could only happen in France.
21:28Here is your soup, Mama.
21:30Mama, I...
21:32What is the forger who is pretending to be a tailor doing in bed with your mother?
21:37He is an old lover.
21:38Isn't it romantic?
21:40Rheumatic, I would say.
21:43Now, listen to me.
21:44For a very brief period, you must accommodate these two British airmen.
21:48These togs have a frightful pong.
21:51Could you hang them on a line or something?
21:53They take off their clothes.
21:55They are no better than the Germans.
21:57Protect me.
21:59Adieu.
22:00Yes.
22:01Come on, chaps.
22:01Learn the hands.
22:02Lift the bed.
22:03Oh, right, then.
22:05I have the soup.
22:07Hold this.
22:08Oh, thank you very much.
22:09You have this.
22:10I say they can't have much confidence in the soup.
22:14Hello, hello.
22:15This is Nighthawk.
22:16Are you receiving me?
22:18Over.
22:26These are my private quarters.
22:35I have had it made completely soundproofed.
22:38I can guess why.
22:40Yes.
22:41The noise of the lorries was keeping me awake at night.
22:47This is my godfather, Heinrich Himmler.
22:51That one is me in the Hitler Youth.
22:55Your knees are very beautiful.
22:58That's why I trained.
23:00I told us in the Hitler Youth.
23:02We are two of a kind.
23:04You may kiss me.
23:22That gave me great pleasure.
23:27The room has a very exciting atmosphere.
23:31Do you interrogate people here?
23:33Well, just a little bit.
23:36I have to keep up appearances.
23:38Berlin expects this sort of thing.
23:40But as you know, I am a softy at heart.
23:44I sit in that chair.
23:46Yes, Herrflick.
23:47Yes, Herrflick.
23:53I want some information from you.
23:57I'll tell you anything, Herrflick.
23:59Anything.
24:00The colonel and the captain.
24:03Do you think they know the whereabouts of the fallen Madonna by Van Klomp?
24:07I am sure they do not.
24:09Good.
24:10We will have some wine.
24:14Go to that cupboard.
24:16Yes, Herrflick.
24:21Open it.
24:22Yes, Herrflick.
24:25From time to time, it is necessary for the Gestapo to have many disguises.
24:32Bring me the two hangers on the extreme right.
24:34Yes, Herrflick.
24:39These are the clothes of onion sellers.
24:42We will disguise ourselves and return to the cafe.
24:45Do you think they will fit?
24:46There is only one way to find out.
24:49Take off your uniform.
24:51Yes, Herrflick.
25:04We will observe the normal proprieties.
25:07I will change behind this screen.
25:14Continue to take off your uniform.
25:23No doubt.
25:23No doubt.
25:23Hope we'll be 끼-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k
25:28-k-k.
25:33Hareslick.
25:34I hope you do not disapprove of my choice of undergarments.
25:38Not at all.
25:40Such things are very popular in Berlin these days.
25:45Yes.
25:47Well, it's not like you're not going.
26:02You know, Colonel, it is quite pleasant to be a French onion seller. People smile at
26:07us.
26:08Hmm. Especially that German officer over there.
26:13I... Hello. I prefer, I think I prefer being a peasant to being a German.
26:19You'll be a dead peasant. Herr Flick finds out we've been helping British Airmen to escape.
26:25I have good news, Colonel. London is making your uniforms. They are working through the
26:31night and they will be dropped by parachute at dawn tomorrow.
26:34But how do we know they will fit?
26:35They are being made by the very best Savile Row tailors, Solomon and Klein.
26:43Jewish tailors? Are you mad?
26:47They are the best here, Colonel. That's not the point, Hans. It's the principle
26:52of the thing. If I had known they were employing Jewish tailors, things would have been different.
26:57We could have ordered some extra shirts.
27:00Your lunch will soon be ready.
27:02What is it? Gefilde fish and bagels?
27:07No, it is a surprise.
27:09How much longer do we have to wait?
27:10Should I sing his song to help pass the time?
27:13No!
27:14Go back to the kitchen.
27:17Oh my God, more onion sellers.
27:21Colonel.
27:23It is I, Helga.
27:26Well, dressed as an onion seller.
27:28Herr Flick will be suspicious.
27:30He is also disguised as an onion seller.
27:39Good afternoon, Herr Patron.
27:41I am just a simple onion seller in search of wine and food.
27:46Sit.
27:47Yes, Herr Onion Seller.
27:49I will obtain wine and food at once.
27:53Monsieur René, that onion seller there, is he another cousin?
27:57Oh, very distant.
28:00Yes.
28:00I am beginning to recognize your cousins.
28:02They are all very well built.
28:06Here it is.
28:08A work of art.
28:10Casserola pigeon.
28:15It looks very appetizing.
28:18Will you join us?
28:20I shall be most honored.
28:24Breast or leg?
28:25I like the legs.
28:27I can vouch for the truth of this.
28:30Where did you get pigeon?
28:32They were in a basket in the kitchen.
28:35You fool.
28:36They were carrier pigeons.
28:38No.
28:38Yes.
28:39No.
28:39Don't start.
28:40Look.
28:41There on the leg is a cylinder.
28:43It contains the measurements of the cone.
28:46There is a cylinder attached to the leg of this casserole pigeon.
28:53Spices.
28:55They should have been removed.
28:57Allow me.
28:57Stop.
28:58I will investigate.
29:02Inside the cylinder.
29:04Covered in gravy.
29:06There is a piece of paper.
29:09With writing on it.
29:11Well, perhaps it is the recipe.
29:15Or maybe even the name and address of the pigeon.
29:20Clearly it is in code.
29:22This will go at once to Berlin to be deciphered by experts.
29:28Congratulations, Herr Colonel.
29:30Already these disguises are producing results.
29:38Benny, what was on that paper?
29:40What will they discover?
29:42Oh.
29:43Only that somebody's inside leg measurement is 34, chest 42 and neck 17.
29:49Who is that person?
29:51You, Colonel.
29:52It works for the new uniform.
29:53But don't worry, your name was not upon it.
29:56Suppose they identified from the measurements?
29:58Colonel, many people have a 42 chest.
30:02Even Elgar if you include our onions.
30:06What shall we do, Hans?
30:08I think we should eat the pigeons.
30:12Hans, you are right.
30:14Bring me the vegetables.
30:17And one second.
30:31We must say cheese!才
30:34firearm. It
30:35is very nice! And
30:46there is an apple. It's
30:47very ugly. It's
30:47very funny! It's
30:48so cute! It's
30:56very funny! I've
30:58heard this! I'm
30:58just a piece of apple! It's
30:59some apple. And we
31:01are just a piece of apple. And they
31:01We want some apple.
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