- 20 hours ago
Top Gear returns in Season 9, Episode 1 with a bang. Jeremy Clarkson compares the Jaguar XKR and the Aston Martin V8 Vantage, just as Richard Hammond makes his triumphant return after the infamous jet-car crash. The gang tackles a huge challenge: trying to resurface a major British road (the D5481) within 24 hours. With Jamie Oliver as Star in a Reasonably Priced Car, there’s speed, humour, and plenty of “only Top Gear” moments.
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00.
00:00:01Tonight, Jaguar's supercharged SKR versus each twin sister.
00:00:16Why do roadworks take so long?
00:00:18Come on, put you back into it, you, man.
00:00:21And Jamie Oliver prepares a delicious lap in our reasonably priced car.
00:00:25Hello and yes, we will also be showing you, we will also be showing you a very small man
00:00:45having a very big car accident.
00:00:48But, even we, with our limited knowledge of television, realise that you don't do that
00:00:56now, you have to do that later on in the show, otherwise everyone would just watch it now
00:01:00and then turn over and watch the final of Big Brother.
00:01:02So what you're actually doing about that is saving you from yourselves, really.
00:01:06We have, and that's one problem solved, but we do have another one, of course, because
00:01:09all the time that we've been off air, people have been coming up to me and Jeremy and they've
00:01:13been saying, will Top Gear go back to the way it was?
00:01:16Is it still just going to be three normal blokes cocking about and arguing?
00:01:20I mean, it is actually a problem, really, because obviously one of us blokes has now become
00:01:24Princess Diana.
00:01:25It's tricky.
00:01:30No, it really has.
00:01:32However, Princess Diana himself has said, quite explicitly, that he just wants to come
00:01:37back onto a show that was the way it was, back in the summer.
00:01:40Exactly, he said, please don't make any changes, please.
00:01:43Yeah, he actually said explicitly, for Pete's sake, don't make a big fuss.
00:01:47Absolutely.
00:01:48So, it gives me really great pleasure, because I didn't think I'd ever be saying this at one point.
00:01:52Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome, Richard Hammond!
00:01:55this is pretty awful.
00:01:57He's gonna walk.
00:01:58Said no fucks.
00:02:00Sorry, girls.
00:02:01I'm sorry.
00:02:02Sorry.
00:02:03Sorry.
00:02:04He said no fucks.
00:02:05No...
00:02:06Sorry.
00:02:07Sorry, girls.
00:02:08Sorry.
00:02:09He said no fucks.
00:02:11Sorry.
00:02:12Sorry.
00:02:13I'm sorry.
00:02:14Excuse me.
00:02:15I'm sorry.
00:02:16Not too.
00:02:17I'm sorry.
00:02:18Sorry, girls.
00:02:19Sorry.
00:02:20He said no fucks.
00:02:22Hey!
00:02:24Oh, no!
00:02:26Oh, no!
00:02:38That's, um...
00:02:40That whole stairs, too.
00:02:42That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to do.
00:02:44Well, I wouldn't say that to any of the people
00:02:46who've just had to jump off a Boeing 737 at Luton.
00:02:49We were gonna get some, like, Morecambe and Wise ones.
00:02:51You know, the big ones.
00:02:52Do you know how much they were gonna be to build?
00:02:54300 quid.
00:02:55Oh, fair enough.
00:02:56I mean, we like him, okay?
00:02:57We're glad you're back,
00:02:58but 300 quid won't build gates, so no airplane steps.
00:03:01Wish you hadn't bothered, thank you.
00:03:02Anyway, listen, this is the big question
00:03:04I guess everybody wants to know.
00:03:06Here, Eddie.
00:03:07Are you now a mental?
00:03:09No!
00:03:12I'm not!
00:03:13I'm fixed!
00:03:14I'm completely fixed and normal and healed, thank you.
00:03:16What are you doing?
00:03:17Well, you know, it's a tissue for if you start dribbling.
00:03:22That's all I've had for four months.
00:03:24What, tissues?
00:03:25No!
00:03:26People hanging around just watching,
00:03:27waiting for my eyes to point in different directions
00:03:29for me to go bonkers.
00:03:30I'm fixed, I'm normal.
00:03:31Are you the same person that you were before?
00:03:34Yes, I mean, the doctors were worried
00:03:36because it's brain damage about, you know,
00:03:37personality change or whatever,
00:03:38but no, the only difference really between me now
00:03:41and me before the crash is I like celery now
00:03:44and I didn't...
00:03:45So you're still shouty, you're still fighty?
00:03:48Yes.
00:03:49And if I take you to the pub,
00:03:50are you still going to want to punch me in the face
00:03:51after 15 minutes?
00:03:52Yes, though that's, to be honest,
00:03:54more your personality than mine.
00:03:56I always want to punch me in the face after 15 minutes.
00:03:58Yeah, that's personally not.
00:03:59Sometimes less.
00:04:00Okay, and look, the most important thing, I think, really,
00:04:02is to make sure this never happens again, the crash.
00:04:06Because, I mean, you, like Kat from Shrek 2 here,
00:04:08you have used up eight of your nine lives, really.
00:04:11So, I've decided that in future, all the really fast cars,
00:04:14the Lambos, the Astons, Ferraris, I will look after them.
00:04:18You're a driver?
00:04:19Yeah, I'll drive them.
00:04:20No personality change for you either, then,
00:04:22it's business as usual.
00:04:23Absolutely, I'm still the same kind, thoughtful soul
00:04:25that I always was.
00:04:26That's quite moving.
00:04:27Okay, brilliant.
00:04:28Thank you, thank you for that,
00:04:29and thank you as well for the embarrassing stairs thing,
00:04:32that's great.
00:04:33There is one more thank you, please, if you don't mind.
00:04:35The difference here is perhaps, I mean this one.
00:04:38I'd like to say thank you to all of the nurses
00:04:41and the doctors and all the staff in Leeds and in Bristol,
00:04:43where I was when I was stuck back together,
00:04:45and the people at Yorkshire Air Ambulance
00:04:47who got me there in time,
00:04:48and particularly, and particularly right now,
00:04:50to everybody who wrote in,
00:04:52some of the people in here, maybe, and you perhaps,
00:04:54that wrote in just to wish me the best.
00:04:56It really meant a lot, and it helped.
00:04:57And thank you, guys.
00:05:00Oh, you're right there.
00:05:02The stairs were nice.
00:05:03You know?
00:05:04Yeah.
00:05:05Oh, that's all.
00:05:06Thanks for your work.
00:05:07Well done, you're right.
00:05:10Shall we resume normal service?
00:05:12Absolutely.
00:05:13Er, good idea, because I've got a bit of a bee in my bonnet.
00:05:16See what I mean?
00:05:17Yeah.
00:05:18Listen, the thing is, roadworks, for the last year or so,
00:05:21I have been virtually cut off from London,
00:05:23because they've been digging up the Oxford Ring Road, OK?
00:05:26At one point, they had it down to a single lane,
00:05:29and you had to go down that, being escorted by a van
00:05:32with yellow flashing lights on the roof at 10 miles an hour.
00:05:35It'd have been better off and quicker on a horse.
00:05:38And they said there was a sign that you're going this slowly
00:05:40to protect the workforce, but there wasn't a workforce there.
00:05:44They were never doing anything, because they were always in a hut
00:05:46having a health and safety lecture.
00:05:49He's absolutely right.
00:05:50He is absolutely right.
00:05:51These days with roadworks, you never get that sense
00:05:53that they're getting on with it, doing it quickly and efficiently
00:05:56for the benefit of those people who might be inconvenienced.
00:05:58Who pay their wages, exactly.
00:06:00I mean, it's really simple.
00:06:02Close the road, slap some new tarmac on it,
00:06:04tell the health and safety people to get stuff
00:06:06and get the damn thing open as quickly as possible.
00:06:09I mean, how hard can it be?
00:06:11Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread, I feel,
00:06:14whenever you mention the words, how hard can it be?
00:06:17Well, we're just about to find out.
00:06:22This is the critically important D5481
00:06:25just outside the village of Bidford-on-Avon
00:06:27in Warwickshire.
00:06:31The surface looks like a lunar teenager's face
00:06:34and the council said repairing the one and a half mile stretch
00:06:38would mean closing it completely for one working week.
00:06:43A massive inconvenience for the people of Bidford.
00:06:48But we've taken the job over
00:06:50and by being efficient and hardworking and organised
00:06:53we're going to try and get the job done in 24 hours.
00:06:56Are we ready?
00:06:58Oh yeah!
00:06:59Let's go!
00:07:02Immediately though, there was a problem.
00:07:05I just want to go through the various safety aspects
00:07:07before we start work.
00:07:09First of which is the protective equipment you're going to have to use.
00:07:12You all must have your boots, your trousers, jackets and your harness.
00:07:15We don't have time for this.
00:07:16A lot of the plant will be going backwards as well as forwards.
00:07:19So anyone walking behind the plant must have a chaperone with them.
00:07:23Just beware the rabbit holes, please.
00:07:25Don't have any breaking ankles or sprained ankles.
00:07:27Six days of this and one day of work.
00:07:29Telling you which piece of PPE you must wear.
00:07:32Just get out of the way.
00:07:33Over and above your general PPE.
00:07:34Any questions?
00:07:35Can we start then?
00:07:37Not until you're suited and booted, I'm afraid.
00:07:39Well, are we dressed?
00:07:40Can't see my genitals.
00:07:41The safety lecture droned on for so long
00:07:44that we really had to get cracking
00:07:46if we were to begin as planned on the dot of 9am.
00:07:51Now, it's a one and a half mile stretch
00:07:53and we're going to dig it up, repave it, roll it, paint new white lines and roll off.
00:07:58Yeah, and because the road is actually going to be closed,
00:08:00we have to have a diversion set up
00:08:02and that's what James is doing right now.
00:08:04Right, this is really very simple.
00:08:06Here's our road here and obviously that's closed
00:08:09because that's the one we're working on.
00:08:10So, anybody who wanted to go down there to Arden's Grafton
00:08:13will have to go round the block.
00:08:15So, I'm going to put a sign up that takes them towards Stratford, down there
00:08:20and then somewhere I'll take them back around, back around to there
00:08:24and then they'll be back around at Arden's, at the other end of this road.
00:08:27Easy.
00:08:35Normally, for a job like this, they'd use 14 men.
00:08:38We were using 32.
00:08:40And to pet them up, I'd prepared a stirring motivational speech.
00:08:45The Parthenon.
00:08:46The pyramids.
00:08:47The Great Wall of China.
00:08:50Each a shining...
00:08:52Each a shining beacon of mass ambition.
00:08:57And today, gentlemen, the D5481 will join that list.
00:09:10We shall build this road in a day.
00:09:12Our resurfacing work will last for a thousand years!
00:09:18Sadly, Jeremy's speech went on a bit.
00:09:21But nevertheless...
00:09:22On the dot, at 9.07...
00:09:25We began.
00:09:27The first job was to rip up the old surface and for that, we needed a planer.
00:09:37Now, to operate it safely, you're supposed to use three men, but we put two on other jobs
00:09:42and decided to go it alone.
00:09:44You're gonna drive that.
00:09:46Yes.
00:09:47Teeth dig up the road.
00:09:48Yes.
00:09:49Rubble goes up there and into the truck.
00:09:51Exactly right.
00:09:52Which...
00:09:53Well, you can drive.
00:09:58James's diversion, meanwhile, haven't got off to a good start.
00:10:03Eh?
00:10:04Oh, cock.
00:10:05You're all right.
00:10:06Right, I'm firing up the cutters.
00:10:07You've got all the revs.
00:10:08Here we go.
00:10:09Handbrake.
00:10:10Oh, fuck.
00:10:11Engine.
00:10:12Oh, God!
00:10:13Let's go!
00:10:14Oh, God!
00:10:15Let's go!
00:10:16Oh, God!
00:10:17Let's go!
00:10:18Oh, God!
00:10:19Oh, God!
00:10:20Oh, God!
00:10:21Oh, God!
00:10:22Oh, God!
00:10:23Oh, God!
00:10:24Oh, God!
00:10:25Oh, God!
00:10:26Oh, God!
00:10:27Oh, God!
00:10:28Oh, God!
00:10:30Oh, God!
00:10:31Oh, God!
00:10:32Let's go!
00:10:33Yeah!
00:10:37Jeremy, catch up!
00:10:38And what are you doing?
00:10:39Just look behind you and see if it's going in the bloody lorry.
00:10:43Ignore the sign.
00:10:47Ignore the sign.
00:10:48It's wrong.
00:10:49James was being rubbish, but then we were hardly employees of the month either.
00:10:54Stupid idiot!
00:10:55Not putting me off!
00:10:56You've missed the track!
00:10:58Sorry, sorry, sorry!
00:11:00And then things got worse.
00:11:03Jeremy, there is a slight problem.
00:11:05What?
00:11:06I've sort of set off at a bit of an angle and I'm on the wrong bit of road.
00:11:13This is Bidfoot, isn't it?
00:11:14Yeah.
00:11:15If you wanted to get back to there, but without using that road, which is the best way to
00:11:23go?
00:11:24Up to the island.
00:11:25Up there?
00:11:26Yeah.
00:11:27Yep.
00:11:28Turning off the island.
00:11:29What's happened is, it goes in a bit of a straight line.
00:11:32Yeah.
00:11:33And then when you try and turn it back in, it stalls.
00:11:35So I'm trying to get it back to this edge.
00:11:37We'll give it more power.
00:11:38I suppose...
00:11:39There's a Clarkson answer to it.
00:11:41Just more power.
00:11:42I've given...
00:11:43So far, in 40 minutes, we have done...
00:11:4620 yards.
00:11:4720 yards.
00:11:48And you think this is helping?
00:11:50Right.
00:11:51Left.
00:11:52Industrial estate.
00:11:54I'm quite pleased with the way this is going now.
00:12:01You just hit me again.
00:12:03I feel as though we're working as a team.
00:12:06Wow.
00:12:07Jeremy, we've got to stop.
00:12:10Let's go.
00:12:11Because the truck is full and overflowing and it might not be able to tip it out, which
00:12:15means we'll have to do it with shovels, you pillock.
00:12:18To save time, I simply parked the lorry at the side of the road and emptied it there.
00:12:23Empty!
00:12:25This didn't seem to go down well with my colleagues.
00:12:28That's a gate.
00:12:32Whose gate?
00:12:33Does it matter?
00:12:34It's a gate.
00:12:35It's somebody's gate and you put several tons of road in it.
00:12:38And I can't do a three-point turn now either, can I?
00:12:41No, you can't.
00:12:43That's the only turning place.
00:12:46You're on your own, mate.
00:12:47I'm sorry.
00:12:48Can you get a digger?
00:12:49No!
00:12:50It goes left, right, left, industrial estate, right.
00:12:55Yeah, past industrial estate.
00:12:57There's a little mini round about.
00:12:59Turn right up George's Elm Line.
00:13:01George's Elm Line, which is the first on the right, past industrial estate.
00:13:04Past industrial estate.
00:13:05At this stage, things were going quite badly, so we handed the lorry and the plane hand over to the professionals.
00:13:16Richard was then given the simple job of tidying up and I went back to making motivational speeches.
00:13:23This is not the end.
00:13:26This is not the beginning.
00:13:29This is not the beginning of the end.
00:13:32It is not even...
00:13:33With the men motivated nicely, we soon had the old surface cleared and had started to lay the bitumen, which glues the new tarmac in place.
00:13:41Some people then began to ask if they could have a break, but of course, the answer was no.
00:13:48This is how we're managing to speed things up. Lunch on this job is what you can find in the hedge.
00:13:56Dickensian working practices alone, though, would not get this job done in a day.
00:14:01You also need to throw resources at it, something councils seem unwilling to do.
00:14:08I really want to get these maths worked out, because the way we're doing this, throwing men and machines at it and doing it in a day,
00:14:16is £7,000 more expensive than having eight-hour days and taking a week.
00:14:22But I reckon you only need inconvenience 500 people for an hour a day for you to be better off doing it our way.
00:14:36At one o'clock, James finally finished his diversion, giving locals lots of alternatives and returned to find me having a power nap.
00:14:45Work sets you free.
00:14:47Refreshed, I came up with yet more ways to speed things up.
00:14:52You know when the trucks back up?
00:14:54Yeah.
00:14:55There's a man walking behind them.
00:14:57The banksman, yeah.
00:14:58But all trucks have got to have cameras on them now.
00:15:00They do as well.
00:15:02So why do you need a man and a camera?
00:15:04That man could be better employed making roadworks.
00:15:07It's double protection, isn't it?
00:15:09It's not. It's just what?
00:15:10Well, did you hear, though? In fairness, one bloke recently got run over by that planing machine.
00:15:15How interested am I in that?
00:15:17They only found his hand.
00:15:18Don't care.
00:15:21By half past two, the road had been sprayed with bitumen glue and was ready to receive the new layer of tarmac.
00:15:28This is the most critical part of our whole operation.
00:15:33Normally, they would reckon on laying between 250 and 270 tonnes of tarmac in a day.
00:15:39Now, we're going to try and lay... How much is it?
00:15:411,100 tonnes.
00:15:431,100 tonnes in a day.
00:15:46That's why we've got Hammond up at tarmac's kind of quarry plant thing up near Tamworth, to make sure the supplies keep coming.
00:15:53The modern quarry is full of heavy plant, but actually, it's all controlled by a computer.
00:16:02Oh, mother... I've got...
00:16:07Abbots, Mix-A-Lub pump...
00:16:09OK, stay calm. Do emails. I can do this, love.
00:16:13Um...
00:16:14Plainly, he mastered it, because soon the trucks began to arrive.
00:16:18But unfortunately, the paving machine that lays the tarmac was being driven by the slowest person in the world.
00:16:26Wait, James.
00:16:28What?
00:16:29If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing quickly.
00:16:32No.
00:16:33Well.
00:16:34Quickly.
00:16:35Well.
00:16:36Quickly.
00:16:37Still, overall, things were moving along nicely.
00:16:40Man at the D5481, things are looking good. I'm seeing machines moving about now.
00:16:49Yeah, it is.
00:16:51Now, we're going to pick that up later on, when obviously, everything starts to go wrong.
00:16:58Now, though, now it's time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
00:17:03Now, since our guest tonight first came on the show, he launched a campaign to improve school dinners,
00:17:09and has become really a saint. He now wields more political power than a president.
00:17:13He glides through Hollywood parties like a film star.
00:17:17Interestingly, though, he still talks like he's eating a pillow.
00:17:21Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jamie Oliver!
00:17:26Hello, mate.
00:17:29Hello.
00:17:30Have a seat.
00:17:35Nice of you to come back.
00:17:36Thank you very much.
00:17:37Really good.
00:17:39This, uh, this school dinners thing really has propelled you along.
00:17:43You were just like another chef, and now you're a national hero. A god.
00:17:47I'd take offence to that. I was never just another chef, was I, guys?
00:17:50What's I, guys?
00:17:51There isn't, I mean, you could...
00:17:52What's I, guys?
00:17:55Anyway, Gordon.
00:17:56Um...
00:17:58Didn't go down well in Rotherham?
00:18:00Rotherham? Oh, with those old birds putting the, uh, the McAdese through the, uh, the railings?
00:18:04Yeah, they were feeding their, were they feeding their kids, what, Big Mac?
00:18:07That's right, cos we, they, they changed the, the regulations came in, they changed all the junk.
00:18:11Uh, and, and basically some mums started selling, uh, the junk food through the railings.
00:18:16But I was in Australia when I saw it, and it was on BBC World News, and I just woke up literally,
00:18:20and all I could see is, like, hundreds of hands coming through bars, and these old, big old scrubbers poking stuff through there,
00:18:27taking all their money, and, um...
00:18:29I used to work in Rotherham.
00:18:30Ugh.
00:18:31Thing is, I'm not, are you, you're absolutely convinced this is for real, this, we've all got to eat more healthily?
00:18:36I just think getting fat is actually evolution.
00:18:40I am evolving into a more civilised being by being fatter.
00:18:45Yes.
00:18:46Which actually brings me onto an important point, dieting.
00:18:48Yes.
00:18:49I've got a diet.
00:18:50Okay.
00:18:51Impossible.
00:18:52Well, what are you eating for crying?
00:18:53Food.
00:18:54Well, no, I mean, when I diet, I eat carrots and Diet Coke.
00:18:56Right.
00:18:57And that's it.
00:18:58And it works, I lose weight, but I faint all the time.
00:19:01You faint all the time?
00:19:03No, because the problem I've got, Jeremy, genuinely, I walk into a supermarket.
00:19:06Yes.
00:19:07And you look at food and think, what's fattening and what isn't?
00:19:10Well, I think, you know, you can try and simplify it.
00:19:12For instance, if you cook, you know, generally that's a lot healthier than buying sort of pre-packed food.
00:19:19Also, if you like chilli, chilli speeds up your metabolism by 25%, and also you can get high on it, which is great, and it's legal.
00:19:27Go Raven.
00:19:28Nice.
00:19:29I'm all over chilli, mate.
00:19:31So, if I put chilli in my Diet Coke...
00:19:34I grew a load of chillies this year, and I grew the hottest one in the world, and I'm telling you, woo-hoo!
00:19:40Because there's another thing, you do grow quite a lot of your organic.
00:19:43Yeah.
00:19:44The last three years, yeah.
00:19:45About 30% of the stuff at 15.
00:19:47It's impossible.
00:19:48It's not impossible.
00:19:49Yes, it is.
00:19:50Listen, if I, I've never grown anything until three years ago, like, the first year, I didn't know what I was doing.
00:19:56Just by putting seeds in mud, you'd be amazed.
00:19:5980% of the stuff grows into something.
00:20:00You have to be a complete idiot to not grow anything.
00:20:04I planted a field of barley last year.
00:20:06Barley?
00:20:07Barley.
00:20:08Well, what are you planting barley for?
00:20:10If you really want to know, it was to attract a certain type of bird, which I like.
00:20:14I'm a RSPB member.
00:20:16Don't mention that.
00:20:17Please don't say that.
00:20:18And I want to-
00:20:19Are you a twitcher?
00:20:20Bit.
00:20:21Please.
00:20:22The thing is, is I grew this barley, I thought I won't put any fertiliser on it, because that'll poison the birds.
00:20:25It grew to this long and was bright grey.
00:20:28It's costing me a fortune, and I just think, fertiliser works.
00:20:31Fertiliser is good.
00:20:33No, no.
00:20:34Yes.
00:20:35Don't spray the ground.
00:20:36Why?
00:20:37Because it just wrecks all the microbes and the organisms and the stuff that goes on, and a lot of its versions are poisons.
00:20:41And you just-
00:20:42Yes, but do you know, there was something I bought the other day and it was organic.
00:20:45Do you know what it had been fertilised with?
00:20:47Crap.
00:20:48Yes, human excrement from Mexicans.
00:20:50Not human, it's illegal.
00:20:51It is.
00:20:52Mexicans can crap on your food and animals.
00:20:54No.
00:20:55It's organic.
00:20:56They're all out in the fields.
00:20:57No.
00:20:58And sombreros and ponchos are defecating on your bananas.
00:21:01Can I just say, if your introduction into growing stuff, and all the wonderful things that that makes you feel good about,
00:21:06if your introduction is barley, no wonder you're miserable.
00:21:09It is complicated, though.
00:21:11Eating well is complicated.
00:21:13I mean, my donkey died the other day.
00:21:15Do I eat it?
00:21:16Have you ever eaten donkey?
00:21:18It was Geoffrey, man.
00:21:21You can't-
00:21:22Little bit of rosemary, bit of thyme, bit of garlic, tenderise it.
00:21:26You know, 170 for about six hours, it'll be lovely.
00:21:29Especially the tail.
00:21:32Can we talk about cars?
00:21:35Yes, let's talk about cars.
00:21:37You came down here, obviously, primarily.
00:21:39I wanted to beat Gordon, let's be honest about it.
00:21:41Because Gordon is at the top.
00:21:43And he got a really good speed as well, which is 46.3.
00:21:46Last time I came on the show, it was just after Gordon, and we both got 150 in the old motor.
00:21:51In the old car, exactly.
00:21:52And I kind of maintained pride by at least joining him.
00:21:55I was so geared up this week.
00:21:57You were.
00:21:58He actually said, can I come down early to practice because I really want to beat Gordon.
00:22:01Yeah.
00:22:02And this was the scene that greeted him when he got here, early.
00:22:07There it is.
00:22:08There are the cars, ready for you to go out in them.
00:22:11Now, we did wait for the snow to thaw, then you went out, okay?
00:22:15Yeah.
00:22:16Who'd like to see?
00:22:17Well, I think we've just got one bit of practice here.
00:22:18Would you like to see that?
00:22:19Yeah.
00:22:20Let's play the tape of Jamie having a bit of a bash here.
00:22:23Oh, coming up, where are we?
00:22:24Bound to be the second to last corner.
00:22:26Catches everybody out.
00:22:27And yes, it is.
00:22:29Nice line through.
00:22:30Oh, no, that's wrong.
00:22:33Oh, no, no, no.
00:22:36Oh!
00:22:40Bring out the new car.
00:22:45And that was, that was the end of that car, then.
00:22:49Yeah, I, I actually, erm, I, it was, I think, the wheel, broken radiator and suspension, so.
00:22:54No worries.
00:22:55We'll have that fixed for next week.
00:22:57After that, okay, after that, you were ready to do your lap.
00:23:01Yes.
00:23:02Okay.
00:23:03Gordon to beat, which was what, 146.3?
00:23:04I'm never, I just doubt it so much.
00:23:06Who'd like to see his lap?
00:23:08Yeah.
00:23:09Here we go.
00:23:10Let's have a look.
00:23:11Oh, it looks like you've been off in this one as well.
00:23:14Yes, I had.
00:23:17Here we go.
00:23:18Looking keen.
00:23:19How is the old car compared to the old, old one?
00:23:21It's a little bit faster on the faster bits.
00:23:23It is.
00:23:24But it's still a hairdryer.
00:23:27That's a nice line through there.
00:23:28Thank you, Jeremy.
00:23:29Brilliant.
00:23:30Oh, yeah.
00:23:31Though you say so yourself.
00:23:32Yes, sir.
00:23:33Around Chicago, here we go again, looking good.
00:23:37This power cuts out.
00:23:38This is a piece of crap, this car.
00:23:40I think you'll find that's called a rev limiter.
00:23:43Most cars have it.
00:23:44Oh, we don't understand there.
00:23:45Look at that lead.
00:23:46You are towing around most of Surrey underneath there.
00:23:49That's tight though, isn't it?
00:23:50That was actually, that was very good.
00:23:52That was well rescued from the last year on the steer.
00:23:54Did you left here?
00:23:56You do look like special needs sometimes, Jeremy.
00:23:59I actually spent most of my school years in special needs, Jeremy.
00:24:04And there we are.
00:24:05So that's, oh, that's a good one.
00:24:07And around the last one into Gumball.
00:24:10Oh, you dropped into second.
00:24:11Oh, it's a risk.
00:24:13Come on.
00:24:14Come on.
00:24:15Come on.
00:24:16Nice one.
00:24:17Nice one.
00:24:18Now plainly and obviously,
00:24:28Gordon did have a sticky, hot, grippy day,
00:24:31so you're not going to beat him.
00:24:32So where do you think, bearing in mind...
00:24:34Well, if I can't beat Gordon,
00:24:35at least let me be right up his arse.
00:24:43I don't know what to say now.
00:24:45Okay, look, this is the fastest wet lap we've had.
00:24:47Phillip Glenister, 154.3.
00:24:49These are super hot laps.
00:24:51Yeah, excuse me, we're talking about wet laps.
00:24:53Yeah.
00:24:54Does everyone in the audience not think that snow
00:24:55has a slightly different context?
00:24:57I'm sorry, I don't recall seeing snow there.
00:24:59Well...
00:25:00It wasn't snowing!
00:25:01It was wet!
00:25:03You're having a wet.
00:25:04Put W slash S.
00:25:06Wet.
00:25:08And you did it.
00:25:09You've changed, Jeremy.
00:25:14Wet lap.
00:25:15One minute.
00:25:16Well, that's a relief.
00:25:17Forty...
00:25:207.7 seconds.
00:25:22Oh, so close!
00:25:23Oh, so close!
00:25:24The fast, that is an astonishing find.
00:25:29Genuinely.
00:25:31I mean, we're absolutely staggered to stick.
00:25:33Oh.
00:25:34Melted.
00:25:35Snow.
00:25:36Which is water.
00:25:37That's pretty good, though, isn't it?
00:25:38It's better than pretty good.
00:25:39Honestly, genuinely, the Stig is just standing open...
00:25:42Well, we think he's open-mouthed, but it's hard to say.
00:25:43You just can't believe how good you were.
00:25:44All credit to the Stig, I say.
00:25:45All credit to the Stig, I say.
00:25:46No, all credit to you.
00:25:47All credit to the fact that, somehow, it seems that Britain's fastest people are chefs.
00:25:51Come on!
00:25:52No one knows why.
00:25:53Just to massage my ego, because, you know, our chefs are quite competitive.
00:25:56What I want to know is what does wet slash melting snow, what, in seconds, what does
00:26:00that give me back?
00:26:01I would say, and I'm really sorry about this, Gordon, because I know you're watching like
00:26:03this.
00:26:04Oh.
00:26:05Come on.
00:26:06Come on.
00:26:07Come on.
00:26:08Come on.
00:26:09Come on.
00:26:10Come on.
00:26:11Come on.
00:26:12Come on.
00:26:13Come on.
00:26:30Come on.
00:26:33Whoa.
00:26:34And then miraculously in the edit.
00:26:36Oh, just, just for today.
00:26:37Just keep it there.
00:26:38Just keep it there just for today.
00:26:39I'll leave it up there, just for today.
00:26:40Anyway, there you go.
00:26:41Jamie Oliver!
00:26:42.
00:26:49Now, this is a Jaguar XK8.
00:26:53We drove it on the last series and we loved it.
00:26:55But we always sort of knew that it was a support act, really.
00:26:58a kind of warm-up man for the main event, the supercharged XKR,
00:27:02which I haven't been driving.
00:27:05Jeremy selflessly protected me from that one.
00:27:14This is it.
00:27:23It has big wheels, vents in the bonnet,
00:27:27brushed aluminium gills and a sort of stubbly, cool-thardy chin.
00:27:33So you can think of it as the standard car with cufflinks and a nice watch.
00:27:43You've got to say, it looks good.
00:27:45In profile especially, it's just stunning.
00:27:48Sadly, however, I can't say the same for the interior.
00:27:59I'm sorry, but this just doesn't feel like a £73,000 car.
00:28:05I mean, Mercedes give you seats that massage you as you drive along,
00:28:09and BMW gives you iDrive.
00:28:12And all I've got in here are sort of five acres of tinfoil.
00:28:25The supercharged 4.2-litre V8 is a bit disappointing too
00:28:29because it's pretty much exactly the same as the supercharged 4.2-litre V8
00:28:35they put in the old XKR.
00:28:40Merck gives us a new engine every five minutes.
00:28:43Audi designed a whole new V8 while I was just saying that.
00:28:47But Jack's been making this one for nearly ten years now.
00:28:51So come on, chop chop.
00:28:54Yes, it generates 420 brake horsepower,
00:28:58but Merck is now making engines with 520 brake horsepower.
00:29:02And BMW isn't far behind.
00:29:05The only good thing is that the XKR's quite light,
00:29:09so while it doesn't have a shedload of power,
00:29:11it is still quite fast.
00:29:17You've lost 60 miles an hour in 4.9 seconds,
00:29:24you've lost 100 in 13 seconds, and that's good.
00:29:29But imagine how good it would be if it had more power!
00:29:40Now you might think at this point,
00:29:43well, there you go.
00:29:44It's a half-arsed car made by a cash-strap company,
00:29:48and that it's no match for its German rivals.
00:29:54And you'd be wrong,
00:29:55because this car...
00:29:57it's brilliant!
00:29:59The standard car sounds pretty good,
00:30:12but this is deeper,
00:30:14ruder,
00:30:15like Tom Jones gargling a NASCAR.
00:30:18And then there's the handling.
00:30:19It has got an absolutely fabulous chassis.
00:30:29It is the easiest car in the world to drive if you're a lunatic.
00:30:35Honestly, I know of nothing else that's this good for slithering about with smoke pouring off the back end.
00:30:41Look, here we go.
00:30:45Sliding, still sliding, still sliding,
00:30:48no danger, still sliding.
00:30:51I mean, that's doing power slides at like 110 miles an hour.
00:30:55Easily.
00:30:55This is just makes a BMW or a Mercedes look like they're made of wood.
00:31:10And the great thing is,
00:31:11is that when you take your Looney Tunes hat off and just settle down,
00:31:16it becomes all quiet and comfortable.
00:31:18It really is Dr. Jimmy and Mr. Jim.
00:31:29Yes, it has less power and fewer toys than its German rivals.
00:31:34And it's made with less satisfactory ingredients.
00:31:38But it's a damn sight cheaper,
00:31:39and I'm sorry to keep harping on about this,
00:31:42a damn sight better looking as well.
00:31:44I know that is a particularly horrible colour,
00:31:50but imagine it in silver or black.
00:31:52And then imagine walking away from it
00:31:55and buying a Mercedes or a BMW instead.
00:31:58I'm not sure I could.
00:32:02Ah, yes, you're thinking, this is all very interesting.
00:32:05But what about the Jag's main rival?
00:32:08Its sister?
00:32:10This.
00:32:14It's even better looking than the Jag.
00:32:23And that's just the start.
00:32:26It's also even louder.
00:32:29It's harder too.
00:32:32Much more aggressive.
00:32:34Much more taut and angry.
00:32:37And it's an Aston Martin,
00:32:47which is a royal flush to the Jag's two pairs.
00:32:51The thing is, though,
00:33:02as you stir away on the manual gearbox
00:33:07and you ride the wave of noise,
00:33:10you feel the grip from these super-steady Pirelli tyres,
00:33:15you realise you're not actually pulling away from the Jaguar.
00:33:26Feels like I'm going faster.
00:33:29Sounds like I'm going faster.
00:33:33And my heart is certainly beating faster,
00:33:35but my rear-view mirror is still full of Jag.
00:33:40You might as imagine that flat-out in a straight line,
00:34:01the Aston would pull away because the Jag's limited to 155,
00:34:06but, ha-ha!
00:34:09We tested one the other day and the Jag sailed up to 175.
00:34:16So, while the Aston is more exciting,
00:34:19the Jaguar is more powerful.
00:34:25It's also £12,500 less expensive.
00:34:30It's more comfortable.
00:34:32It's better equipped with goodies like full leather and satellite navigation.
00:34:39And it's got two small seats in the back,
00:34:41so it's a bit more practical as well.
00:34:51Emotionally, then, this car beats anything
00:34:54from Mercedes and BMW.
00:34:56And on points,
00:34:58it beats its sister as well.
00:35:01It is, quite simply,
00:35:03spectacular.
00:35:08Yeah.
00:35:09And, you know,
00:35:10that's what I was actually filming.
00:35:13I was actually making that film the day you crashed.
00:35:16Yeah.
00:35:16We had a much better day than I did, though.
00:35:19Well, that's because I'm a better driver.
00:35:20I just stayed on the gravy.
00:35:22Anyway, listen,
00:35:23you know that thing I said about
00:35:25you'd buy this because it's got
00:35:27two extra seats in the back
00:35:28and the Aston hasn't got any?
00:35:29Yeah.
00:35:30Irrelevant.
00:35:31Why?
00:35:31Because while you were away,
00:35:33okay,
00:35:33imagining that you were a dog...
00:35:35Chicken.
00:35:36Chicken, whatever, okay?
00:35:37The EU has said that now,
00:35:38if you're your height,
00:35:39you've got to have, like,
00:35:40a booster seat.
00:35:42No, seriously.
00:35:42They have.
00:35:43I know kids, yeah.
00:35:44And the thing is,
00:35:44is that to fit in there,
00:35:45you've got to be your height,
00:35:46but now you've got to have a seat.
00:35:48Yeah.
00:35:49Which means you're not going to fit.
00:35:50Oh, you'd be too big with the booster seat.
00:35:51No one will ever be able to get in the back.
00:35:53Well, that's going to be the same
00:35:53for all these two plus twos
00:35:55with tiny little back seats, then.
00:35:56Exactly.
00:35:56The EU has rendered them useless,
00:35:58so you may as well buy the Aston on that front.
00:36:00Thing is, though,
00:36:00I do still really adore this car,
00:36:03and now we've got to find out
00:36:05how fast it goes around our track,
00:36:07and that, of course,
00:36:07means handing it over
00:36:08to our tame racing driver.
00:36:10Some say he once threw
00:36:12a microwave oven at a tramp,
00:36:14and that long before anyone else
00:36:18he realised that Jade Goody
00:36:19was a racist, pig-faced waste
00:36:22of blood and organs.
00:36:23All we know is
00:36:39he's called a stick.
00:36:42And he's off.
00:36:44You can hear the supercharger
00:36:46whining over that thunderous V8 baseline.
00:36:48Just look how wet it is out there.
00:36:52OK, stick piles fearlessly
00:36:54into that corner.
00:36:55I've changed my mind.
00:36:57I want the chance
00:36:58to spend the rest of my life
00:37:00loving you.
00:37:01Oh, dear.
00:37:02The stick seems to have developed
00:37:03a taste for romantic fiction on CD.
00:37:06OK, he's through Chicago,
00:37:07sliding it around like a go-kart.
00:37:09Here he is coming into Hammerhead.
00:37:11Lakes of melted snow everywhere.
00:37:13Is it going to understeer?
00:37:14Not a bit of it.
00:37:15Look at that.
00:37:16See, there's no car
00:37:17that drifts like this one.
00:37:18OK, a bit of aqua-planing.
00:37:22It was her own
00:37:23golden-haired,
00:37:24ruddy-faced, uglyness.
00:37:27Really got the hammer down now.
00:37:29You can see the car
00:37:30twitching over the standing water.
00:37:31Stig isn't phased.
00:37:33Maybe it's because
00:37:33his home planet
00:37:34is quite swampy.
00:37:36Penultimate corner.
00:37:38Dips it into the grass.
00:37:39Gambon now.
00:37:40Hard in.
00:37:41Shucks it sideways.
00:37:43And across the line.
00:37:45Now, it did it
00:37:51in 1.34.7,
00:37:54which is obviously pathetic,
00:37:55but then it was
00:37:56really very, very, very wet.
00:37:58We were going to put the Aston
00:38:00round afterwards,
00:38:00but it started to snow again,
00:38:01so don't blame us
00:38:02because we didn't bother.
00:38:03Don't blame the Stig.
00:38:04Do what everyone else does
00:38:05and just blame global warming.
00:38:07Now, earlier on,
00:38:09we set out on a mission
00:38:11to demonstrate
00:38:12that roadworks
00:38:13needn't take so long.
00:38:15Warwickshire Council
00:38:15reckoned it would take
00:38:16five days to resurface
00:38:18a one-and-a-half-mile stretch
00:38:19of the D5481,
00:38:21but we reckoned
00:38:22by working hard
00:38:23and not getting all tangled up
00:38:25in health and safety,
00:38:26we could do it
00:38:27in just 24 hours.
00:38:29And when we left the action,
00:38:30it was going
00:38:30really rather well,
00:38:31I thought.
00:38:32Hammond here
00:38:32was down at the quarry
00:38:33keeping up a steady stream
00:38:35of fresh tarmac.
00:38:35I was driving the paver,
00:38:37laying it on the road,
00:38:38and Jeremy
00:38:39was fulfilling
00:38:40the vital role
00:38:41of shouting at everyone
00:38:42down a megaphone.
00:38:50Come on,
00:38:50put your back into it.
00:38:51You, man,
00:38:52here, let me show you.
00:38:54But then all of a sudden,
00:38:55everything went wrong.
00:38:58Run out of tarmac.
00:39:00What do you mean,
00:39:01run out?
00:39:02The Hammond's lorry's not here.
00:39:03We need 1,000 tonnes
00:39:05and each lorry load
00:39:06only does that little strip there.
00:39:08And if he doesn't get it here
00:39:09quick enough,
00:39:10that bitumen stuff goes off
00:39:11and then it won't stick.
00:39:13Hammond,
00:39:14we're out.
00:39:15We've done 100 feet.
00:39:16How many trucks
00:39:17have you got working on this?
00:39:18We've got three in here now.
00:39:20We've got one being loaded,
00:39:21one on the way bridge
00:39:21that I can see.
00:39:22And I can't get any more in.
00:39:24You only got five trucks.
00:39:26Right.
00:39:26Are there any other roadworks
00:39:28going on today?
00:39:29What,
00:39:30that we can nick their tarmac?
00:39:32Yeah.
00:39:33I like your thinking there.
00:39:35That's quite devious.
00:39:36Nick their tarmac.
00:39:37Your next job,
00:39:38do you know where it's going?
00:39:39Is it going to...
00:39:40See, that's not our road.
00:39:41Well, that's useless.
00:39:42Send it to us.
00:39:43Just don't send it to them.
00:39:45We need it.
00:39:46Crack that out to the max
00:39:47and change that calendar.
00:39:48It's far too calming and relaxing.
00:39:54Move!
00:39:54Come on!
00:39:56Go!
00:39:56Fast!
00:39:57Get on with it!
00:39:58Ah, another one!
00:40:00I cracked the whip
00:40:01and even introduced
00:40:02an incentive scheme.
00:40:03I want you to go
00:40:04like the wind, okay?
00:40:06I'll have your speeding fines.
00:40:08But the fact remained
00:40:10that the quarry was an hour away
00:40:12and Hammond only had five trucks.
00:40:14That wasn't enough.
00:40:16The main reason
00:40:18why roadworks take a long time
00:40:20is because the trucks
00:40:23just don't come regularly enough.
00:40:24That guy that you're working with,
00:40:26he's worked on the roads now
00:40:28for 32 years,
00:40:2924 of which has been standing around
00:40:30waiting for the trucks.
00:40:31We told Hammond this.
00:40:33We said to Hammond,
00:40:33it's the only important thing.
00:40:35Keep the trucks coming.
00:40:37The tarmac did continue to dribble in,
00:40:40but far too slowly.
00:40:41And then,
00:40:42back at the quarry...
00:40:43What's killed him?
00:40:45Why's it stopped?
00:40:46Emergency stop.
00:40:47Why's there an emergency stop?
00:40:48There was no...
00:40:49Who's let...
00:40:50We've lent on the what?
00:40:51Who's...
00:40:52Your man.
00:40:53The cameraman we lent on the...
00:40:54Yeah.
00:40:56You've stopped the plant?
00:40:58Yeah.
00:40:59Until it hit the emergency stop a bit.
00:41:03Why have you done that?
00:41:04Well, it was a bloody accident,
00:41:05wasn't it?
00:41:05I didn't do it on purpose.
00:41:07Richard, Richard, Richard,
00:41:09I'm going to make a suggestion.
00:41:11Don't come back here.
00:41:12Don't come back.
00:41:14Go away.
00:41:14Go to Tierra del...
00:41:15Tierra del Fuego.
00:41:17And even...
00:41:18I'm going to hunt you down
00:41:19and kill you there as well.
00:41:20Men in the D5481.
00:41:27This is our darkest hour.
00:41:30We will not allow Adolf Hammond
00:41:33to ruin our plans
00:41:35for this great,
00:41:37this wonderful,
00:41:38this...
00:41:38Shut up.
00:41:41We buried the health and safety man
00:41:44while we waited for the quarry to restart.
00:41:47But it didn't.
00:41:48It was five o'clock,
00:41:49knocking off time.
00:41:51And they'd all gone home.
00:41:53We've shut down the plant.
00:41:54That's it.
00:41:55We can't work anymore.
00:41:57Well, are you friends
00:41:58on a 35-hour week?
00:42:00Most jobs would stop at this point,
00:42:02but we used our initiative
00:42:03and found a new quarry
00:42:04that would stay open
00:42:05through the night.
00:42:07Where is it,
00:42:08this new one?
00:42:09Ashbourne.
00:42:10Ashbourne?
00:42:11That's in Kent.
00:42:12Derbyshire.
00:42:13If I go over to Ashbourne,
00:42:14where the other plant...
00:42:14Don't go to Ashbourne.
00:42:16Don't go anywhere near a quarry.
00:42:17You're ruining it.
00:42:18And then,
00:42:19just as we were getting on top of things...
00:42:21In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty,
00:42:25Oh, spiff it.
00:42:29If a storm broke,
00:42:30it wouldn't matter how much tarmac came
00:42:32because we wouldn't be able to lay it.
00:42:34Plainly,
00:42:35a speech was in order.
00:42:37We shall not go quietly into the night.
00:42:40We have faced adversity in the day shift.
00:42:43As night fell,
00:43:00the rain came.
00:43:01And in a normal road works,
00:43:03that would be that.
00:43:04But I refused to let anyone stop
00:43:07because the second quarry
00:43:08had just started to deliver.
00:43:10This is a sight to warm the cockles of your heart.
00:43:13Marvellous.
00:43:14Men working at night.
00:43:15You're always seeing people say,
00:43:16I went to Japan
00:43:17and they worked through the night.
00:43:18I went to Switzerland
00:43:19and they worked through the night.
00:43:21Here we are in England
00:43:22and we're working through the night.
00:43:24And to make sure
00:43:26the people of Bidford
00:43:27got their road done quickly,
00:43:29we'd be working through
00:43:30our supper break as well.
00:43:33Can I have cotton chips 75 times?
00:43:51Butter sausage?
00:43:53Yes.
00:43:59Chips!
00:44:00Yeah, but don't just grab them.
00:44:02We've got to hand them out.
00:44:02But I've got a job for you.
00:44:03Can you hand out the wives?
00:44:04Yeah.
00:44:05They'll appreciate it.
00:44:06There you go.
00:44:07While Richard was getting supper,
00:44:09I'd installed another motivational tool
00:44:11to keep everyone's spirits up.
00:44:13The night is dark.
00:44:15The road is long.
00:44:17And we're far from our families.
00:44:19But don't worry.
00:44:21Gentlemen of D5481.
00:44:24Because I have music
00:44:25to take us through the night.
00:44:28Check it out.
00:44:29It's got me off the sausage.
00:44:33It's got me off the sausage.
00:44:40What all, James?
00:44:41This is how you run roadworks.
00:44:45Good fish and chips, good music, no health and no safety.
00:44:49I just think this is the happiest roadwork crew working in the land right now, anywhere.
00:44:56The guys all seem like the willingness of the bosses to muck in.
00:45:00And with that in mind, James and Richard took over the roller.
00:45:03You've got to just overlap the edge a bit.
00:45:05If I go too far over the edge, I'll stick it in the verge.
00:45:08And then you've got to...
00:45:09Oh, God!
00:45:10Bugger!
00:45:10You've run over the stopcock, you cock.
00:45:13I heard it go clang.
00:45:15Oh, that's bad.
00:45:15We're going to be in trouble.
00:45:17Who are we going to tell her, though, this?
00:45:18Oh, well, what we could do is take the steamroller.
00:45:23And just keep going?
00:45:24Yeah.
00:45:24At 4am, there were still 700 yards to go, and the men were flagging.
00:45:37So, I brought out the motivational big gun.
00:45:41Another winter of discontent.
00:45:44This is Mrs Thatcher.
00:45:46Painfully.
00:45:47Yeah, motivate the men.
00:45:49This is going well.
00:45:50And I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.
00:45:55Yes!
00:45:57I like that one.
00:45:58Golly, golly, man!
00:45:59The chaps, however, were not telegraph readers like James,
00:46:02so I promised them that the sooner they finished laying,
00:46:05the sooner I'd switch her off.
00:46:10That worked, and by daybreak, the road was resurfaced.
00:46:13But there was still only time for a quick power breakfast.
00:46:17Why do tramps live in London?
00:46:19When there's all this out here?
00:46:21Yeah.
00:46:24We'd promised the people of Bidford they'd have their road back by 9.07,
00:46:29and there was still much to do.
00:46:30The plants needed clearing, Hammond needed to get the signs back up,
00:46:34and James and I had the white lines to paint.
00:46:37Look, that's a little bit, OK?
00:46:41That's perfect.
00:46:42It isn't.
00:46:43We did our best, but the men from the council didn't seem impressed.
00:46:51We had made a terrible mess of the lines,
00:46:59and with the clock ticking, we ran to see Hammond,
00:47:02who'd made an even bigger mess with his signs.
00:47:05The hill's there.
00:47:07And that's, you're going that way.
00:47:10They should be facing that way.
00:47:11You're right, I'm just telling people they've just been around some bends.
00:47:14And down a hill.
00:47:15Go away.
00:47:15There's your life.
00:47:16All right.
00:47:17As it turned out, he'd done them all wrong,
00:47:19and we had just ten minutes to put them right.
00:47:22What in the hell?
00:47:23Did you do this?
00:47:24Right, stand back.
00:47:25Yeah.
00:47:25How did you do it?
00:47:27There you go.
00:47:27There.
00:47:28There.
00:47:28That's it.
00:47:29Finish it.
00:47:29Open rows.
00:47:30Right.
00:47:32I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
00:47:35Oh, come on.
00:47:37I'm coming.
00:47:39You're the one who's been shouting all day.
00:47:41So, there you are.
00:47:43People of Bidford-on-Avon in just under one day,
00:47:47your road is open.
00:47:49Glad to be of service.
00:47:53Thank you, Mark.
00:47:54How do you do it?
00:47:56How do you do it?
00:47:57You look like the names.
00:48:00If we can do that,
00:48:03if we can do that,
00:48:05they should be able to do that.
00:48:06Really, we do have some top gear,
00:48:07top tips here for the construction industry.
00:48:10Work fast.
00:48:12Eat Blackberries.
00:48:13Get 100 trucks, not five.
00:48:16Yeah, and fit that paving machine thing
00:48:18with the turbocharger.
00:48:19Yeah, and don't let him drive it.
00:48:20No, don't do that.
00:48:21Anyway,
00:48:22now,
00:48:23it's the moment
00:48:24you've all been waiting for.
00:48:27Davina
00:48:27is live on stage,
00:48:29the big brother winner.
00:48:30He's about to be announced.
00:48:33Here on BBC2, however,
00:48:34we've got the little fella's car crash.
00:48:36So, come on, mate,
00:48:36talk us through it.
00:48:37Oh, okay.
00:48:37Well, look,
00:48:38we've got some video of it.
00:48:39We'll have a look.
00:48:39Here's,
00:48:40obviously, before it happened,
00:48:41this is the car.
00:48:42It's called the Vampire.
00:48:44Basically,
00:48:44it's just a socking great jet engine
00:48:46with a chair bolted to the front of it.
00:48:48That's it.
00:48:49So, is it high-tech?
00:48:50It's fairly high-tech.
00:48:52The engine,
00:48:52the jet engine,
00:48:53comes out of a red arrow.
00:48:54The steering box is from a Reliant Robin
00:48:57and the fuel pump's from a cement mixer.
00:49:01Oh, that's the airfield
00:49:03where I was going to be driving here.
00:49:04See, that's Elvington, near York.
00:49:05That looks complicated.
00:49:07There is, of course,
00:49:08one thing you really don't want
00:49:10when you're doing this sort of stuff
00:49:12up a runway,
00:49:13like that one.
00:49:15Crosswinds.
00:49:18Yeah, there was a bit of a breeze.
00:49:20Oh, there's me getting in it,
00:49:21you see,
00:49:21out there,
00:49:22and then I get a briefing
00:49:24from the man who built it.
00:49:26So, my challenge today
00:49:27is to drive this thing.
00:49:29Except,
00:49:30that's not the full story.
00:49:32Because my challenge today
00:49:33is to drive this thing
00:49:34and hit this innocent-looking little button.
00:49:38Because when I do that,
00:49:39it sends a flame
00:49:40shooting through the engine
00:49:41which ignites the afterburner.
00:49:43And when that happens,
00:49:44I haven't got 5,000 horsepower.
00:49:46I've got 10,000 horsepower.
00:49:50And possibly the biggest accident
00:49:52you've ever seen in your life.
00:49:58I bet when you said that,
00:50:00it was one of those...
00:50:03Yeah.
00:50:06Profetic.
00:50:07Very prophetic.
00:50:10And I bet when you said that,
00:50:11you thought,
00:50:12it's one of those snappy lines
00:50:13to make this look a bit more dangerous
00:50:15than it really is.
00:50:16That's exactly what I thought
00:50:17when I said it.
00:50:19Can I just qualify something about it?
00:50:20Is it...
00:50:21It doesn't have, like,
00:50:22a throttle and an accelerator?
00:50:23No, a jet car.
00:50:24No, it's completely different to drive.
00:50:25There's no clutch as such.
00:50:27You just turn the engine up
00:50:28to what you want
00:50:28with a knob on the dash.
00:50:29And that's before you set off?
00:50:30Yeah, you do that
00:50:30when you're static,
00:50:31you leave it.
00:50:32So there's no accelerator.
00:50:33You pull away
00:50:33by just taking your foot
00:50:34off the foot brake.
00:50:35You don't touch that again.
00:50:36So when you're going along,
00:50:37all you've got is a steering wheel
00:50:38and a lever to stop the engine
00:50:40and pull the parachute.
00:50:40So it's quite simple.
00:50:41Oh, it's easier to control
00:50:42than your chin.
00:50:45OK, well, let's have a look
00:50:46what happened next.
00:50:47Let's just get these,
00:50:48just lift your arms through there.
00:50:51What are they for?
00:50:52These are arm restraints.
00:50:55In the event
00:50:55if you're going upside down,
00:50:58they'll stop your arms
00:50:58coming out of the cockpit.
00:51:01I don't want to go upside down.
00:51:04Clock will set to half.
00:51:06OK, so ignition.
00:51:12Bloody hellfire.
00:51:14That's a jet engine.
00:51:16Holy crap.
00:51:20This is terrifying.
00:51:29Here we're done.
00:51:30This is it.
00:51:33Oh, my God.
00:51:34This is amazing.
00:51:39Holy crap.
00:51:41Holy crap.
00:51:44I can feel it pulling to the right.
00:51:48I want a back driving.
00:51:50I'm going to die.
00:51:50I'm going to die.
00:51:51I'm going to die.
00:51:51I'm going to die.
00:51:52I'm going to die.
00:51:53I'm going to die.
00:51:57That.
00:52:01That is amazing.
00:52:04Ah! I just want to go faster! More speed!
00:52:16How quick was that?
00:52:17That was 220.4.
00:52:23220?
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:25Now, we're achieving pretty close to that kind of speed now on our own runway here.
00:52:30So what's the difference between, say, a Lambo here and that?
00:52:32It's just the way the jet engine delivers the power.
00:52:35You're aware that there's so much of it, just a huge amount of power going on.
00:52:39So it's the sensation of that more than the actual speed.
00:52:41How did you know, though, when to pull the parachute lever?
00:52:45Or would you put some cones out on the runway?
00:52:47Because, you see, I would have pulled it much sooner than that.
00:52:49I'm off! It's gone!
00:52:52I'd have pulled it before I set off.
00:52:55With hindsight, yeah, better idea, perhaps.
00:52:58OK, so next time it was the afterburner.
00:53:01Yes, absolutely.
00:53:02And you can see that in the film, can you?
00:53:04Yeah, you'll see.
00:53:05You'll know when it's lit, because there's flames coming out the back of the engine.
00:53:08OK, now I have to explain to everyone, in case you don't know,
00:53:10an afterburner is really only fitted to the very fastest military jets.
00:53:14Well, and Concorde, actually, for that matter.
00:53:16A Harrier jumpjet, for instance, doesn't have one.
00:53:20OK, it's not deemed necessary for that.
00:53:22But he was about to light one in a car.
00:53:25Well, I wanted to do this, and now I am.
00:53:30I've, um, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't quite scared.
00:53:34However, I think it's the fact that once you've started, that's it.
00:53:42You don't mess about with the throttle.
00:53:43Once you go, you go.
00:53:44And that's, you know, commitment.
00:53:51Here we go, here we go, here we go.
00:53:52Come on.
00:53:53This is it.
00:53:54This is how we get.
00:54:02That's it.
00:54:13That's it.
00:54:16You must go.
00:54:21You must go.
00:54:21Oh, my God!
00:54:31Yes, I can't describe.
00:54:33I think I'm going to cry.
00:54:37I'm not joking.
00:54:38Every part of my body is full of adrenaline.
00:54:45Oh, yes.
00:54:46I'm so alive.
00:54:48I'm so alive.
00:54:51Oh, my God.
00:55:07Now, that looked really quick.
00:55:10That was quicker. That was 314 miles an hour.
00:55:13And that is the fastest anyone's actually travelled in Britain before, isn't it?
00:55:18Well, technically, I suppose, yeah, because I think the British land speed record is 301 miles an hour.
00:55:22In that car?
00:55:23Yes.
00:55:23Nobody's going to beat it.
00:55:24No, probably not now, no.
00:55:27But to be an official record, you've got to do another run in the other direction and then take an average of the two speeds.
00:55:33No, we know from telemetry that that was 314.
00:55:35Oh, yeah.
00:55:36That is the fastest anyone has ever travelled.
00:55:38Oh, yeah, but it's not, you know, official record.
00:55:40So, what does it feel like?
00:55:42Uh, fast.
00:55:45We weren't on a set record.
00:55:47I just wanted to go really, really fast.
00:55:49But you did 314?
00:55:50Yeah.
00:55:51And you wanted to know what it was like to go really fast?
00:55:53Yeah.
00:55:54So, you'd found out.
00:55:55Why didn't you just get in your car and go home?
00:55:58I don't know, really.
00:55:59But the thing is, that run that you just saw, that was at 5 o'clock.
00:56:04And we had the runway until 5.30.
00:56:07And...
00:56:08I know now, obviously.
00:56:11I don't know, I think it was a bit like, you know, when you're a kid and you're out playing with your mates
00:56:15and then your mum would shout for you to come in for your tea
00:56:17and you'd just push it a bit and keep going a bit longer.
00:56:20And that's always when you fall out of the tree.
00:56:23With eyesight again, yes.
00:56:25Well, all right.
00:56:27I suppose this is it then, isn't it, really, then?
00:56:29Well, this is what happened next, yeah.
00:56:30It was all over quite quickly,
00:56:59so do it again in slow motion.
00:57:01You can see the moment when the tyre goes.
00:57:04It's still doing 288 miles an hour here, but then it's off.
00:57:09It's away.
00:57:10I think it's about 0.4 of a second, really, from the tyre blowing to it all going wrong.
00:57:13Then when it digs in on the grass, the car rolls.
00:57:18It's still doing 230 when it's upside down on the grass, which is so here now.
00:57:25It's still doing 230 miles an hour when it's upside down.
00:57:27Then it flips a bit, and then it settles down, and the roll bar digs into the ground along with my head,
00:57:35and that stops it very quickly.
00:57:38Indeed.
00:57:41Oh, thank you.
00:57:45The tragedy is that that would be the fastest car crash ever in Britain,
00:57:59but the Guinness Book of Records people are saying,
00:58:01you've got to do it going in the other direction.
00:58:03I don't want the record.
00:58:06It's not what I want.
00:58:08Actually, you've come away with no record at all for having done that.
00:58:11That's a bit of a tragedy.
00:58:13The theory is, though, can I just ask,
00:58:15you can see, again, in the crash run, okay, your last run,
00:58:20that the tyre is starting to come apart, okay?
00:58:23If we watch this, you can see it.
00:58:24Look at it.
00:58:24On the right tyre, look, there.
00:58:27Now, I'm sorry, mate, why didn't you spot that?
00:58:31Well, I had a knot on.
00:58:34I was doing 288 miles an hour.
00:58:36I can have a lot.
00:58:37I'm in the office.
00:58:38The kids are shouting at me.
00:58:39I'm right a story.
00:58:39I'm on the phone.
00:58:40If a lion walks in, I'm going to.
00:58:43It was 0.4 of a second from the tyre starting to go
00:58:46to the accident starting.
00:58:47I could have held it.
00:58:50What, in a world's longest power slide
00:58:52whilst telling us about the price and there was no room in the booth?
00:58:55Easy, easy.
00:58:57The problem is, fundamentally,
00:58:59you weren't wearing your EU booster seat.
00:59:01You were too low and couldn't see.
00:59:04If I'd had a booster seat on,
00:59:06my head would have come off when it rolled eventually.
00:59:08Have you read the highway code?
00:59:09Well, I didn't have a copy with me.
00:59:11Because it quite plainly says here,
00:59:13when the car goes out of control,
00:59:15steer into the skid.
00:59:17That's right.
00:59:18Look, the expert guys who did the telemetry
00:59:20that was on the car, you know, the computers and stuff,
00:59:22they said I had the reactions of a fighter pilot.
00:59:27He didn't say it was a World War I fighter pilot.
00:59:32I'm in my sop with camel, wooden controls fighter pilot.
00:59:36Exactly.
00:59:36No.
00:59:37No, I think we could sit here,
00:59:39as we have done for the last few months,
00:59:40and take the mickey out of you.
00:59:41The fact is, though,
00:59:42I would just like to say,
00:59:43you were very brave getting in that thing.
00:59:46It's not something I would have done.
00:59:47It's certainly not something he would have done.
00:59:48But more than that,
00:59:50I think you've just performed a miracle,
00:59:52and really brave,
00:59:53getting well and getting back on the show again.
00:59:55Thanks, Mike.
00:59:57You've just been nice to me.
01:00:02I promise I'll never do it again.
01:00:04Talking about things that will never happen again,
01:00:07can we never mention the clash on Top Gear again?
01:00:10Never?
01:00:11Ever.
01:00:11You up for that?
01:00:12Why?
01:00:13Never going to mention the clash.
01:00:16There you go.
01:00:18We will never mention that crash again,
01:00:22that's a promise.
01:00:23Ever.
01:00:23We won't mention it tonight,
01:00:24because that is the end of the show.
01:00:26The thing is, though,
01:00:27we have learned an important lesson today,
01:00:28thanks to it, Richard.
01:00:30Do please remember,
01:00:31speed kills.
01:00:32Eh?
01:00:36See you next week.
01:00:37Take care.
01:00:37Thanks for watching.
01:00:38Next,
01:00:45Louis Theroux goes swinging in California,
01:00:47and talks pants with Jimmy Savile.
01:00:49His weird world coming up.
01:00:50Stay with us for that.
01:00:51And Tuesday night at 10 on BBC Two,
01:00:54Jeremy Clarkson shows his soft and caring side.
01:00:57Again,
01:00:57fundraising for the children of Helen House.
01:01:00Thanks for listening to this podcast,
01:01:01and we'll see you next week.
01:01:02Take care.
01:01:06Bye.
01:01:08Good night.
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