- 2 days ago
In Episode 9, Jeremy Clarkson takes on the Chrysler Crossfire. James May reviews the Jaguar XJ6. Richard Hammond tries a lightning-fast Smart Car fitted with twin turbos. Carol Vorderman stars as the Reasonably Priced Car guest. For car lovers and speed enthusiasts alike, this episode balances exotic metal with surprising performance.
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, Cameron Diaz tests Lamborghini's lightweight Murcielago naked.
00:09We drive Schumacher's F1 Ferrari.
00:13And our star in a reasonably priced car is Her Majesty the Queen.
00:21Well, that's what we were planning, but unfortunately we have completely run out of money.
00:27Yes.
00:28No, no, it's for real, we have. It's all gone.
00:32You see, the problem is that the BBC gives each of its programmes a big bunch of, well, not a big bunch of cash,
00:37a bunch of cash at the beginning of the year and Newsnight and Panorama.
00:42They have no problem at all making theirs last.
00:45But us?
00:46Sorry.
00:47It was, it was, what did they think?
00:49It was a bit like giving a seven-year-old boy a year's worth of sweeties all in one go and saying,
00:53right, don't eat them all at once.
00:56I'm afraid we did.
00:57We did.
00:57All of them.
00:57We took the money and we went mental with it.
01:00One, two, three, four!
01:02This, for instance, was hugely expensive.
01:20Carriers off the ground and already ran 200 miles an hour.
01:23Then I went to America to do this in a Ford GT.
01:27And when the Royal Navy rang and said, would we like to hire an aircraft carrier, we said,
01:37oh, yes, and could we fire a Jaguar off the end of it?
01:39Well, we had a great year and now we're paying the price.
01:50Have a look at this.
01:51This is our Jeremy's bar bill from the Isle of Man trip.
01:54It gets worse.
01:58That's a huge number of fruit-based drinks.
01:59It is.
02:00It gets worse.
02:01This is the fuel bill from when you took that Rolls-Royce up to Hull, remember?
02:06It's a bit thirsty, that thing, isn't it?
02:08It's not all me, though.
02:09We did have the compensation claim from the viewer who was blinded by one of your shirts.
02:14And then there was all the stuff we smashed up.
02:44So, because of our blokish immaturity, we haven't got the F1 car or the Queen.
03:03But because we are blokes, we do have ingenuity, so we shall overcome.
03:09For instance, James here has a music degree.
03:13So, James, if you would please take it away.
03:17Sounding good.
03:21Excellent.
03:24OK, here we go.
03:25On tonight's cut price top gear, a small plastic car that's actually quite economical.
03:31We take a seasonal Yuletide trip to Birmingham.
03:35Oh, and we do have a supercar, albeit a quite cheap one.
03:39Oh, yes.
03:51Not bad.
03:54Four and a half minutes of television recorded and we've done absolutely nothing, spent absolutely nothing, and now I'm afraid we've got to get cracking.
04:02So, Germans and Americans, I've long held the belief that they are one and the same.
04:08They both have a fondness for moustaches, they both like the mullet haircut, they both have the eagle as a national symbol, but the effect these two countries have had on Britain is very different.
04:22First of all, the Americans.
04:31Our endless need to copy everything they do, but in a smaller way, has resulted in this place.
04:39Welcome to Star City, the entertainment centre of the Midlands.
04:50It's not to be found off Route 66, but it is off Junction 6 of the M6, just outside Last Birmingham.
04:59So, what's Germany's contribution to Britain?
05:06Well, it was their bombers that created the spaces where places like this could be built.
05:12And that's the thing, when the Germans and the Americans work together, even the sky isn't the limit.
05:20See that, the moon?
05:23It was German scientists using American money that took us there.
05:28And now these two great nations have come together once more and made a car.
05:35It looks American and it's called the Chrysler Crossfire, but it's built in Germany and underneath the body, it's basically a Mercedes SLK.
05:47It even has the same 3.2 litre V6 engine.
05:54Houston, das Eagle has landed.
05:58American cars have never really worked in Britain.
06:01They've always been square pegs, and the only way we'd let one into our round hole is if it turned up with some Hershey bars and a bootful of nylons.
06:11But this one, this hybrid, this might be different.
06:19To find out, I left Birmingham and went back to England.
06:23In essence, the Crossfire is a two-seater, which costs £27,260.
06:40Now, of course, being a coupe, the styling is hugely important, and...
06:46Oh, dear.
06:46I've been trying to think what it is that this shape reminds me of, and last night, it came to me.
06:56You know when a dog's doing its number twos?
07:00That kind of arched back thing.
07:05That's what it is!
07:09Idiots!
07:11Eww!
07:12Maybe the Crossfire gets round this by hitting back with a savage turn of speed.
07:22Sadly not.
07:23On the upside, it doesn't weigh as much as its rivals, but on the downside, it's nowhere near as powerful.
07:320 to 60 takes 7.2 seconds.
07:35There are animals which are faster than that.
07:37Eww!
07:37Eww!
07:42Actually, the biggest limiting factor to the performance in this car is the gearbox,
07:47because every time I set off, it goes...
07:49...and leaps out of first gear.
07:53And I'm told the automatic version is even worse.
07:59So far, then, things are not shaping up well.
08:02But it does have the classic front-engined rear-drive layout,
08:06so maybe it can out-corner a trout.
08:09There's a strangely detached feel to the steering, somehow.
08:19It gives you no real confidence to get your foot down,
08:22because you've got no sense of what the wheels are actually up to.
08:27Oh, dear.
08:30Oh, dearie me.
08:31And the suspension has an uncanny ability to turn even the smoothest road into what feels like a mogul field.
08:40It's hard to find anything in the Crossfire that really works.
08:49Even the interior is wrong.
08:51The steering wheel's too big, I don't have quite enough leg room,
08:55the seats don't have enough lateral support,
08:57the rear three-quarter visibility is woeful,
08:59and there's a sense of cheapness in here.
09:05So, it looks like a dog doing a poo.
09:08It's slow, uncomfortable, expensive,
09:11and cursed with a cramped, badly-trimmed interior,
09:13an awful gearbox and no back seats.
09:15The engine doesn't make a particularly sporty noise,
09:18the ride is terrible,
09:19and it isn't especially economical.
09:21This has to be the worst example of American-German cooperation,
09:27since a chap called Adolphus Busch arrived in the States,
09:32tasted the water, and thought,
09:34Mmm, I could make beer out of this.
09:37And we ended up with that headache in a can called Budweiser.
09:46Wasn't exactly full of Christmas good cheer, that road test.
09:50No, it wasn't, actually,
09:51and you should thank your lucky stars
09:52you weren't driving that automatic one.
09:54I've heard it's really bad.
09:56That bad.
09:59My favourite bit about this car,
10:00apart from the boot, you've got to see that, look.
10:02How wide is that?
10:04No, no, come back out,
10:04you've got to see how wide the car is
10:06and how narrow the opening is.
10:07And all Americans play golf, don't they?
10:08Exactly.
10:09Well, like a postbox, I think.
10:11My favourite bit, though,
10:13is what you get in a bump.
10:15It says here,
10:15Crossfire has an aerodynamically limited top speed of 155.
10:21All cars are limited by their aerodynamically.
10:24If there were no air,
10:25a mini-metro would go a million miles an hour.
10:28That's why space rockets are so fast.
10:30Exactly.
10:32Sum up, really very simple.
10:34For £6,000 less than this,
10:36you can have a Toyota Celica,
10:38and it's the good one, isn't it?
10:39Yes, the T-Sport.
10:40The T-Sport.
10:41Drove one the other day,
10:42a little bit buzzy at the top end,
10:43but...
10:44Good.
10:44Very good car, actually.
10:46For £5,000 less than...
10:48I know what you're going to say.
10:49Yes.
10:50You could have the Mazda RX-8
10:51that we looked at a few weeks ago.
10:54It's a complete no-brainer.
10:56Shall I have this or the Mazda?
10:58Really, that's the easiest decision you'll ever make.
11:01Absolutely.
11:02Unless, of course,
11:03you're the kind of person
11:04who suddenly decides,
11:04No, I don't want power, performance,
11:07good looks, clever doors,
11:08and a clever engine.
11:09I want to spend £5,000 more
11:11on something that's rubbish.
11:13Oh, and that automatic gearbox
11:14is exactly right.
11:16You've no idea.
11:17It's actually uglier as an automatic.
11:18Yeah, the whole car...
11:19The car is uglier.
11:20It's got an uglier gear knob.
11:21I'm looking forward to driving that.
11:22You should do.
11:23When we had this,
11:24the smart roadster on,
11:26earlier in the year,
11:27we criticised it
11:28for its miserly boot space.
11:30Barely enough room,
11:31we reckoned,
11:32for a tray of potatoes.
11:33Well, it seems that the Germans
11:35have been listening.
11:37Trouble is,
11:38I think they might have got a hole
11:39at the wrong end of the stick.
11:41I mean, yeah,
11:41they have looked
11:42at the miserable boot space,
11:44and then they've filled it
11:45with another engine.
11:48The ordinary car
11:49has a three-cylinder
11:50700cc turbo in here,
11:52but now,
11:53we've got two engines
11:55welded together
11:56to create a V6,
11:58and because each brings
11:59its own turbo,
12:00it's a V6 bi-turbo.
12:03Smashing.
12:08But is all this
12:10strictly necessary?
12:12I mean,
12:13the ordinary car
12:13is no slouch.
12:15It feels fantastic.
12:18Well,
12:19because the engine count
12:20has been doubled,
12:21the 0-60 time
12:23has been halved.
12:24Now it's under
12:25six seconds,
12:26and the top speed
12:27nudges 140 miles an hour.
12:30So,
12:31to answer my own question,
12:33yes,
12:34it is necessary.
12:36Very.
12:37Especially when it feels like this.
12:38This machine is the work
12:51of German tuning house Brabus,
12:53a company with a history
12:55of taking Mercedes cars
12:56that are already fast,
12:58and making them much,
12:59much faster.
13:01Tom Cruise has a Brabus.
13:04So does Michael Schumacher.
13:05So does Brad Pitt.
13:09There is no price list
13:11at Brabus.
13:13Every year,
13:14they sell a handful
13:15that touch the
13:16half million pair of miles.
13:19But Brabus do like
13:21to give you a bit more
13:22than just power
13:23for your money.
13:24The smart has got
13:25chrome and leather
13:26everywhere.
13:28Bucket seats
13:29and harnesses,
13:30and a fire extinguisher
13:31nicked from an oil rig.
13:33And it looks good, too,
13:34with shark fin grills
13:36on the side,
13:37and a spectacular view
13:38of that unique engine.
13:40But what Brabus give
13:41with one hand,
13:42they taketh away
13:43with the other.
13:45They've nicked
13:45the air conditioning
13:46and the radio
13:47for packaging reasons.
13:49What?
13:50In case they want to
13:50stick another engine in there.
13:53And there's
13:56your boot space,
13:57full of fuel tanks.
13:58So, there's the packing
14:00done.
14:01Bloke heaven.
14:03Oh, foam rubber,
14:04that tank,
14:05like a Formula One
14:06fuel tank.
14:07So, let's empty it.
14:12Shouldn't take long,
14:14it now produces
14:14218 brake horsepower
14:17per tonne.
14:18That is the same
14:19as a Porsche 911
14:20Carrera 4.
14:21It's got the little
14:22smart paddle shift
14:23gearbox,
14:24which is all right,
14:25actually.
14:26It's not too bad,
14:27as long as you remember
14:27where the paddles are
14:28to shift.
14:29And there's no
14:30traction control either.
14:31Apparently,
14:32they haven't been able
14:32to reprogram it yet
14:34for all that extra go.
14:36Good, I say.
14:37What's amazing is just
14:47how much low-down
14:49power you get.
14:50It's got huge
14:51grunt.
14:52It feels like a much,
14:54much, much
14:55bigger engine
14:56than it really is.
14:57It's like a bottle
14:59of sports car
15:00concentrate.
15:02Now,
15:03for the bad news.
15:04This particular car
15:05cost
15:06£330,000
15:07to build.
15:09The good news,
15:10though,
15:10is that Brabus
15:11will be making
15:12a Roadster next year.
15:14True enough,
15:14it probably won't
15:15have this
15:16two-engine business,
15:17but it definitely
15:18won't have
15:19that price tag
15:20either.
15:21Then again,
15:22Brabus are always
15:23open to commission,
15:24so,
15:25if you're feeling
15:26flushed...
15:33£330,000
15:33strikes me
15:34as being a bit
15:35steep for
15:36a plastic car.
15:37It is a bit
15:38steep for a
15:38small car.
15:39In actual fact,
15:39they've only made
15:40nine or ten of those
15:40to show off
15:41what they can do.
15:41It is very expensive.
15:43Are they going
15:43to do it for real?
15:44They will do.
15:45Don't know exactly
15:45what that will be like,
15:46but it will still
15:46be expensive,
15:47I'm sure.
15:47Right.
15:48So,
15:48that's the standard
15:49car,
15:49and that is,
15:50I think,
15:50£14,000,
15:51roughly.
15:52It's good.
15:52I like it.
15:53You like it?
15:54Yeah, I do.
15:54Would you have one?
15:55No.
15:56Why not?
15:56I'm going to stick
15:56to our guns on this,
15:57James,
15:57because it is a
15:58cracking little car,
15:59and I'm sure
16:00that will be
16:00when they make one,
16:01but it's still
16:02too expensive,
16:03just too much money.
16:05He's right,
16:06you know.
16:07Right,
16:08at this point
16:09of the show,
16:09we need something
16:10really cheap.
16:12Something that
16:13will cause us
16:13three to stand
16:14around talking
16:15and showing you
16:16old clips
16:17that you've
16:17already seen
16:18before.
16:19So,
16:19welcome to
16:20the Top Gear
16:212003 Awards.
16:23Absolutely.
16:24Now,
16:25we're not going
16:25to mess around
16:25with best supporting
16:26coupe and best
16:28car in a
16:29foreign language
16:30or any of that.
16:31We are going
16:31to go straight
16:32to the big one.
16:33Top Gear's
16:34car of the year.
16:35Best car.
16:36Gentlemen,
16:38the Rolls-Royce
16:39Phantom.
16:41We love the way
16:41they've merged
16:42engineering excellence
16:43with old world's charm.
16:44We also love
16:45the fact that
16:46Simon Cowell
16:47hasn't bought one.
16:49The Volvo
16:50XC90.
16:52A people carrier
16:52that isn't mumsy,
16:54a 4x4 that
16:54doesn't make you
16:55want to punch
16:56the driver
16:56in the middle
16:56of his face.
16:57Whoever designed
16:58this had kids.
17:00The Mazda RX-8.
17:02A practical
17:02four-door coupe
17:03that goes like
17:04stink and drives
17:05like a dream.
17:06Good at everything
17:07and good value
17:08too.
17:09And the winner
17:10is...
17:12obvious,
17:12actually.
17:13James,
17:13you want to
17:14play us into
17:14this one?
17:15OK.
17:16The European
17:16car of the jury.
17:19The European
17:20car of the year.
17:22Jory say it's
17:23the Fiat Panda,
17:24but frankly,
17:24we'd rather drive
17:25home in ours.
17:27It's big.
17:28It's British.
17:29It's also German.
17:33It is, of course,
17:36the Rolls-Royce,
17:37everybody!
17:38Yay!
17:38That was our attempt
17:46at being sensible.
17:47Now let's get on to
17:48our award for the
17:50dullest Grand Prix
17:51driver of the year.
17:53This is the
17:54Nigel Mansell
17:55trophy for the
17:56driver who has
17:57most persistently
17:59driven us to the
18:00edge of distraction
18:01in a post-race
18:02press conference.
18:03Gentlemen,
18:03the nomination.
18:04From McLaren
18:05Mercedes,
18:06Kinney Reichenham.
18:07He's 24 years old,
18:09he's paid millions
18:10of pounds a year,
18:11and he chooses
18:12to live in
18:13Chigwell.
18:17Michael Schumacher.
18:18He's had a tattoo
18:19on his neck,
18:19the little rock and
18:20roller,
18:21but just in case
18:22he wants to
18:22wash it off,
18:22it's Henna.
18:25The second McLaren
18:26Mercedes driver,
18:27David Coulthard,
18:28a man who finished
18:29the season by saying
18:30exactly what he said
18:31for the last eight
18:32seasons.
18:33I'll win next time
18:34around.
18:36Three nominations
18:37there,
18:38and David Coulthard
18:39has come in fourth.
18:41Excellent.
18:43Old Lantern
18:44says that he will
18:45try to do better
18:46next time round.
18:48The winner,
18:49of course,
18:50is old
18:50Chatterbox himself,
18:51Kimi Raikkonen.
18:52How are you?
18:59Now,
19:00on to our
19:01ugliest car
19:02of the year.
19:03The Deu Takuma,
19:05spreading abject misery
19:06into the lives
19:07of oncoming motorists.
19:10The Hyundai Matrix.
19:12Looks like it was
19:13in an accident
19:14before it left
19:14the factory.
19:16The Mercedes
19:18Van Ayo.
19:19Actually,
19:19Mercedes Van Ayo
19:20sounds a bit like
19:21a CNN news reporter
19:23or something,
19:23doesn't it?
19:24However,
19:25it looks like
19:25Andrew Marr.
19:27It does.
19:28Now,
19:29those were
19:29the nominations,
19:30but I'm overruling
19:31all of them.
19:32I'm playing my joker,
19:33and I'm going to say
19:34that the winner
19:34is the BMW
19:36Range.
19:37If I had to pick
19:49just one,
19:50and it's very difficult,
19:52I'd probably go
19:53for the X3,
19:54which is the new
19:56small version
19:57of the X5,
19:58except,
19:59of course,
19:59it's exactly the same size
20:01as the X5.
20:02They call it
20:02an off-roader,
20:03but as you can see
20:04from the shot there,
20:05it's very carefully
20:05sticking to the road
20:07where it belongs,
20:08and just look at it.
20:10Hideous,
20:10hideous car.
20:12Right,
20:12let's move on.
20:14This is the award
20:15for the car
20:16most likely
20:16to put you
20:17into a tree.
20:18Yes.
20:19It is the most
20:20fun car of the year
20:22award.
20:23This is important.
20:24It is.
20:25Because it's been,
20:26no joking,
20:27the most amazing
20:29year for fun cars
20:31we can ever remember.
20:32I mean,
20:32supercars,
20:32normally you get
20:33one come along.
20:35How many have we had?
20:36Oh, loads.
20:37Enzo.
20:37Enzo.
20:38Enzo,
20:39GT.
20:39Yeah,
20:40Porsche Carrera GT.
20:41And the Ford GT.
20:42And the Koenigsegg.
20:43And the McLaren SLR.
20:45And five.
20:45Oh, yes.
20:46Five supercars
20:47in one year.
20:48Aston.
20:48The DB7 GT.
20:50Finally.
20:51T350C as well as TBR.
20:52No,
20:52I wouldn't say
20:52the DB7 GT,
20:54that was the car
20:55that the DB7
20:56always should have been
20:57suddenly arrived
20:58this year
20:59of all of them
21:00in its last year
21:00of production.
21:01What were you saying?
21:02The T350C,
21:03the TBR.
21:03Yeah,
21:03there's another one.
21:05Then there were
21:05all those little ones.
21:06You know,
21:06we've got the street car
21:07and various different minis.
21:08The works,
21:09for instance.
21:10And the...
21:11BMW Z4.
21:12What a machine.
21:13Yeah,
21:13well,
21:13you've seen how
21:14you've just gone
21:14and spoilt it,
21:15haven't you?
21:15Anyway,
21:18we have nailed this massive list.
21:22Just such a good year.
21:24Two,
21:24three.
21:25Hardest job ever.
21:26And they are...
21:27The Porsche GT3.
21:30The best version ever
21:31of Porsche's enduring 911.
21:33And it only took them
21:3440 years to get.
21:35The Renault Clio V6.
21:37It's a shopping car
21:38with the engine
21:39where the shopping normally goes.
21:40And that's why we love it.
21:42And the Vauxhall VX220 Turbo.
21:45Think of it
21:46as an Elise
21:47that runs on
21:47Tabasco sauce.
21:49And you'll see
21:49just why we love it so much.
21:52Now,
21:52I think that this is actually
21:53the most important award
21:55we're making tonight
21:56because fun
21:57is what we look for
21:58most of all
21:59in a car.
22:00We often refer to it here
22:01as the X Factor.
22:01It's that thing
22:02that makes a car...
22:03Makes you want to get into a car
22:04and go for a drive.
22:05So whichever one wins this
22:07is probably
22:07the best car of the year,
22:09really.
22:09The one we'd most like to drive.
22:10You're not going to believe
22:12the answer.
22:14It's the Vauxhall VX220 Turbo.
22:17There it is.
22:24This is a car
22:25that can pummel
22:26just about anything
22:26in a straight line
22:28and then kick them
22:28up the pipe
22:29through the corners
22:30all for £25,000.
22:31I know.
22:32It's fantastic.
22:33Just love it.
22:33I want to just do
22:35this award,
22:36if I may.
22:36It's the Enemy
22:37of the State Award.
22:39The person who's done
22:40the most
22:41to harm the cause
22:42of the petrol head
22:43these last 12 months.
22:44Gentlemen,
22:44the nominations.
22:46The Chief Constable
22:47of North Wales,
22:48Richard Brunstrom
22:49for his resolutely
22:50unpopular
22:51anti-motorist start.
22:53There are
22:54no more nominations.
22:55So,
22:58the winner is
22:59the Chief Constable
23:00of North Wales.
23:05This is the man
23:06who described
23:07speeding motorists
23:08as criminals.
23:09And then regretted it
23:10shortly afterwards
23:11when one national newspaper
23:12allegedly caught
23:14his daughter
23:14speeding.
23:15Actually,
23:16this is also
23:17the man who said
23:18there is no more
23:19excuse for drifting
23:21over the speed limit
23:22than there is
23:23for drifting a knife
23:24into someone.
23:25which really
23:28isn't true,
23:29is it?
23:30It's interesting
23:31to note
23:32that in April
23:33of this year
23:34as his war
23:35on the motorist
23:35carried on,
23:36his force posted
23:37the lowest
23:38clear-up rate
23:39for burglaries
23:40ever on record.
23:41And now
23:42to our final award
23:43of the evening,
23:44our surprise
23:45of the year.
23:46Gentlemen,
23:47your nominations,
23:48please.
23:49Well,
23:49first of all,
23:49we have the
23:50Mazda RX-8.
23:52I think the biggest
23:53surprise is that
23:54it didn't win
23:55our overall
23:55car of the year
23:56title,
23:56so maybe
23:57it will get
23:58a consolation
23:59here.
24:00And the
24:00Vauxhall
24:01Signum.
24:01In particular,
24:02we were surprised
24:03that anyone
24:03could be
24:04catatonically
24:05stupid enough
24:06to make a
24:07people carrier
24:08that can actually
24:08carry fewer
24:09people than
24:10the saloon
24:11on which
24:11it's based.
24:14And our
24:14surprise of the
24:15year is...
24:16our surprise
24:30of the year
24:31is that
24:31neither of
24:32our nominations
24:33has won
24:33because I've
24:34found something
24:35even more
24:36surprising.
24:36We're back
24:44in Birmingham.
24:46Jeremy was
24:46here earlier
24:47having a
24:47hoedown with
24:48the crossfire
24:48in Star City.
24:50But there's so
24:51much more to
24:51the place
24:52than that.
24:54For years,
24:55it's been the
24:56butt of
24:56everyone's
24:57inner-city
24:57architecture
24:58jokes.
25:01Even
25:01Telly
25:02Savalas
25:02couldn't make
25:03it sound
25:03good.
25:04Riding
25:04the express
25:05elevator to
25:06the top
25:06of one of
25:06the city's
25:07highest
25:07buildings,
25:08this is the
25:09view that
25:09nearly took
25:10my breath
25:10away.
25:13But now...
25:15Blimey, look
25:18at the place.
25:23Overnight,
25:24it's become
25:24the Barcelona
25:25of the black
25:26country.
25:27But even
25:28Birmingham isn't
25:29our surprise
25:29of the year.
25:30No, that'll
25:32be a car.
25:33And here
25:40it is, the
25:41Jaguar XJ6.
25:45Now, the
25:46XJ Jaguar is
25:47a great car,
25:47we already know
25:48that.
25:48The surprise
25:49here is that
25:50this is the
25:50XJ Lite
25:52version.
25:53Now, normally
25:54this car would
25:54have a 4.2-litre
25:56thunking-great
25:57V8 under the
25:58bonnet, but
25:58this one's a
25:59V6.
26:00Just six
26:01cylinders and
26:02three litres.
26:03Bottom of the
26:04range.
26:05The cheap
26:06one.
26:07Oh, dear.
26:12There's normally
26:12something really
26:13tragic about the
26:14bottom of the
26:15range, you know,
26:16the 1.6 version.
26:18A little boot
26:18badge that says
26:19you're on the
26:20bottom rung.
26:21And you sit
26:22there in a
26:22world of
26:23velour, looking
26:24at a little
26:24slot on the
26:25dashboard where
26:26you know there
26:27would be a
26:27switch if this
26:28was a posh
26:28version, but
26:29it said you've
26:29got a little
26:30bit of plastic
26:31that just
26:31blanks it
26:32off.
26:33And you
26:33can't help
26:33driving along
26:34and thinking,
26:35if I just
26:36paid a bit
26:36more attention
26:36at school,
26:37and if I
26:37just worked
26:38a bit
26:38harder, I'd
26:40have air
26:40conditioning.
26:41But you
26:44don't get
26:45that here.
26:47This is not
26:48some admission
26:49of middle
26:49management failure.
26:51For a start,
26:51XJ6 is actually
26:53a revival of
26:54one of the
26:54most pucker
26:55boot badges
26:55in Jaguar's
26:56history.
26:59And look in
27:00here.
27:01Everything the
27:02boss has got
27:03in his Jag.
27:04Cruise control,
27:05CD player,
27:06air conditioning.
27:09This is all
27:10leather, not
27:11the man-made
27:11stuff.
27:12The seats are
27:13still electric.
27:14The wood is
27:15still wood.
27:16So, as a
27:17car to be in
27:18and be seen
27:19in, the
27:19XJ6 is
27:20exactly the
27:22same as any
27:23other XJJ,
27:24except that
27:25it's £39,000,
27:27or, to put it
27:27another way,
27:28£12,000 less
27:30than the
27:31cheapest V8
27:31model.
27:33And that's
27:33Boston, that
27:34is.
27:39The only
27:39difference is
27:40under the
27:41bonnet.
27:41The 4.2-litre
27:42V8 gives you
27:43300 horsepower,
27:45while the
27:473-litre
27:47V6 has
27:48just 240.
27:50But for once,
27:52it just
27:52doesn't matter.
27:53this car's
28:00styling is
28:00rooted in an
28:01era when
28:01everything was
28:02made of
28:02real wood and
28:03only cost a
28:04penny, but
28:05underneath all
28:07that, you'll
28:07find that it's
28:08a really high-tech
28:09car.
28:10It's made
28:10almost entirely
28:11of aluminium,
28:12which is very
28:13light, as we
28:14know.
28:16It's a third of a
28:18tonne, lighter
28:19than the old
28:19XJ model.
28:21And because it's
28:22light, you don't
28:23need such a big
28:23engine to make it
28:24go.
28:26So for once, the
28:28cheap option really
28:29is an option.
28:31You just have to
28:33press the pedal a
28:34little bit harder.
28:36And when you do,
28:38this V6 engine,
28:39it sings.
28:41But this is the
28:46bit I like best.
28:47Because this is a
28:48light car, and
28:49because it's a
28:49six, it doesn't
28:50drink petrol.
28:52So this means you
28:53can satisfy your
28:54company accountant
28:55without having to
28:56buy a diesel.
28:58That is a real
29:00bonus.
29:00None of that
29:01having to say,
29:02well, of course,
29:02it's terribly good
29:03at the motorway
29:03cruise.
29:04This is a
29:05Jaguar, and a
29:06Jaguar belongs on
29:07a back road.
29:09Swooping through
29:10trees, the whole
29:11vista of beautiful
29:12England, relayed
29:14into the comfort
29:14of your cabin in
29:15stunning windscreen
29:17format.
29:20This car has that
29:21magic X-factor that
29:22we like so much on
29:23Top Gear.
29:24You sort of expect
29:25it to be really
29:25boring, but then
29:26when you drive it,
29:27you discover it
29:27makes perfect sense.
29:29I mean, here's a
29:30Jaguar that saves you
29:31a shed load of
29:32cash, and in return,
29:33all it asks is that
29:35you just press the
29:36pedal a bit harder.
29:37That's it.
29:38Now that is a
29:40really nice surprise.
29:41So, we started the
29:49series looking at the
29:49BMW 5 series and
29:51wondering what you
29:52should buy if you
29:52find it a little bit
29:53too ugly, and we end
29:55the series with the
29:56answer.
29:57You're dead right.
29:59Businesspersons of
30:00Britain.
30:00Here it is, the
30:01XJ6.
30:03Right, now, talk is
30:04cheap, so I think it's
30:05a good idea to meet
30:07our guest.
30:08Ladies and gentlemen,
30:09add your hands
30:10together for Carol
30:11Vorderman.
30:11whoo!
30:11whoo!
30:12whoo!
30:18How are you?
30:19How are you, bud?
30:20Have a seat, Nick.
30:21I'm sorry.
30:25I was just chatting to
30:26the girls.
30:27You what?
30:28I was just chatting to
30:28the girls about girls'
30:29cars.
30:30You are a bit of a
30:31Jaguar fan, aren't you?
30:32I love Jags.
30:33I've driven Jags now
30:34for about, ooh, ooh,
30:36six years or so, but I
30:38started with a saloon.
30:39Yeah.
30:40In the, kind of, the
30:41Jag part of my life, and
30:42that was a bit, I don't
30:43know, it was a bit of a
30:45kind of steady family
30:46car, and then I changed
30:48to an XK8.
30:50Yes.
30:50With a hard top.
30:52Yes.
30:52Which is fantastic.
30:54Absolutely brilliant.
30:55But you've got an XKR.
30:57I've got an XKR.
30:58Now, soft top.
30:59Soft top.
31:00But your past history
31:02of cars has been
31:02shocking, actually.
31:04Yeah.
31:05A Nissan 120, actually
31:07a Datsun 120Y.
31:09Datsun 120Y.
31:10No, well, this is a
31:12knowledgeable audience.
31:13Yes.
31:14They download pictures
31:15of them.
31:15Yes, but I did have it
31:16in brown, so that the
31:17rust, in brown, so that
31:18the rust patches
31:19wouldn't show too much.
31:20A brown...
31:22And then, of course,
31:24you've got a job on
31:25Countdown, and you
31:26bought a...
31:27A brand spanking
31:30new shiny Ford Orion.
31:32You see?
31:35So, what kind of
31:36supercharger have you
31:37got on your Jaguar?
31:38Oh, I have a root
31:41supercharger.
31:42See, on my Mercedes,
31:43I have a screw
31:44supercharger.
31:45And, uh, doctor
31:46Clarkson, as I believe
31:47I have to address you.
31:48Yes, I am now a doctor.
31:49Did you know he's a doctor?
31:51Did you know that?
31:52You still can't trust him,
31:53but he's a doctor.
31:54I have been made a
31:57doctor, and I must say,
31:58it's really nice.
31:59Honorary doctor.
32:00It's a doctor.
32:01From Brunel.
32:02Still a doctor.
32:03From Brunel University.
32:05It doesn't matter
32:05where I got...
32:05And, um, well,
32:07I have a root supercharger,
32:08you have a screw
32:09supercharger.
32:09Yes, mine's better.
32:10Why is yours better?
32:11Because I have more
32:12compression.
32:14I get more compression
32:15and therefore more power
32:16out of the supercharger
32:17on my Mercedes
32:17than you do
32:18out of the rather...
32:19No, you don't, actually.
32:19Not at full throttle.
32:27Whatever.
32:29I have more power
32:30across more of the range
32:32with a screw
32:33than you do
32:34with a root.
32:37You are, yes.
32:38You're at full pressure
32:40all the time,
32:40as we know, Jeremy.
32:43But, uh,
32:44but, of course,
32:45the XKR
32:46with the root supercharger
32:47is much more efficient
32:48because when you're cruising,
32:49you don't want
32:49all of that pressure.
32:50You're going to use
32:51a little bit of the power.
32:52But what I wanted
32:53to ask you about
32:54was the difference
32:55between a turbo
32:56and a supercharger.
32:57Dr Clarkson.
33:00Technically.
33:01They're spelt differently.
33:02That's the first thing.
33:03T-U-R-B-O
33:05and then the other one
33:06is spelt differently.
33:08Yes, yes.
33:08A turbo
33:09exhaust gases
33:11go into the turbocharger
33:13and spin it.
33:13Yes.
33:14Witchcraft happens
33:15and you go faster.
33:18Okay.
33:19And I think what it is
33:20important to stress
33:21at this point,
33:22and I think everybody's
33:24probably guessed this already,
33:26everybody just thinks
33:26you just can do
33:27mental arithmetic,
33:28but actually you are
33:29a proper engineer.
33:30Well, I did,
33:31I read engineering
33:31at, uh,
33:32at university,
33:34at, uh, Cambridge
33:35Cambridge and, uh,
33:35we did a little bit
33:36with the Wankel engine,
33:37which, uh,
33:39I noticed...
33:39I'm worried
33:39why do I laugh?
33:40The stupid thing to do is this.
33:42Did you used to laugh
33:43at Cambridge University?
33:44Of course you did.
33:45I know you say,
33:45Wankel,
33:45you've got to laugh,
33:46haven't you?
33:46I just find it,
33:49I mean,
33:49it's regrettable now
33:50that because of the
33:50BBC pronunciation unit,
33:52you're not allowed
33:53to study Uranus anymore.
33:54It's Uranus,
33:55isn't it?
33:56James does.
33:57Does it?
33:58We must tell him
33:59it's against BBC guidelines
34:00now to study his aim.
34:02No, he doesn't work
34:03that way around,
34:03does it?
34:04No.
34:05But don't you think it's,
34:06what interests me
34:07about the engineering?
34:08Yes.
34:09In this country,
34:10you can sit next to someone
34:11who turns around
34:12and goes,
34:12I'm an estate agent,
34:13and you can't really
34:14tell me more.
34:15Sit next to an engineer,
34:16people just run a mile.
34:18As soon as someone says,
34:19oh, I'm in an engineering.
34:20And don't you think
34:21that's ridiculous?
34:22Well, I think engineers
34:23are partly guilty
34:24for that themselves,
34:25but it is ridiculous
34:26because on the continent,
34:27as you know,
34:27you know,
34:28in Italy
34:29and France
34:30and Germany,
34:31you called,
34:32you know,
34:33as you'd be called here,
34:33Professor something,
34:34or Doctor,
34:35Doctor Clarkson,
34:36you would be called
34:37Engineer Clarkson.
34:39Well, you wouldn't,
34:39obviously,
34:40with your knowledge
34:40of superchargers,
34:41but over there,
34:44it would happen.
34:45Do you know
34:46what's just popped
34:46into my head
34:47is Adrian Newey.
34:48Yeah,
34:49oh, Adrian Newey,
34:50yes, of course,
34:50at McLaren.
34:51The McLaren Formula 1 design,
34:52he gets paid plenty
34:53for designing cars.
34:54Well, and quite rightly too.
34:55I was at school with him.
34:56We used to
34:57Specky Newey's
34:58in the metal workshop.
35:00Where's that
35:01going to get him?
35:02All around the world.
35:04Yes, exactly,
35:04all around the world
35:05and he just
35:05carries his wallet
35:06in a helicopter.
35:08You an F1 fan?
35:10Huge F1 fan.
35:11Really?
35:11Yes.
35:11They got it boring.
35:12It was a good season last season.
35:14It wasn't.
35:14It was dreary.
35:15I should have run it.
35:16It wasn't.
35:16It was a good season
35:17this last season.
35:17It wasn't good.
35:18It was.
35:19It wasn't.
35:20It wasn't.
35:20It was.
35:20It wasn't.
35:21It wasn't.
35:22Was it good?
35:23Yes, thank you.
35:25It wasn't, was it?
35:26There you are.
35:27It certainly just
35:28degress.
35:30They just nod this lot.
35:33Yes, no, whatever.
35:35It's the drivers
35:35of the big problem for me.
35:37They're so dreary.
35:38Well, some of them are.
35:40Well, who isn't?
35:41Montoya.
35:42He's liable.
35:42I like his wife.
35:44His wife?
35:45There we are, you see.
35:46That's good enough reason
35:47to like him.
35:48It is as she drove the car.
35:49She is fantastic.
35:50Very bright.
35:51Very beautiful.
35:52She's like it.
35:52That's what we should do.
35:53What?
35:53Formula One.
35:55Wivers.
35:55Wivers.
35:56Drivers.
35:58Formula One Drivers Wives Championship.
36:00Yes.
36:01Yes.
36:02That's a good idea.
36:03It is.
36:03You see, I've just suddenly
36:04burned me if you're watching.
36:05Send a check.
36:08Now, the Liana.
36:09Oh, yes.
36:10I just had a great day.
36:12I love the Stig.
36:13He was so good.
36:14And he taught me
36:15how to handbrake turns today.
36:17Well, that's not going
36:17to make you go very fast.
36:18No, it isn't.
36:19Pulling the handbrake on.
36:20No.
36:20Have you never done one before?
36:22No.
36:22So, did that explain
36:23what happened when you were
36:24on one of your practice laps?
36:26The last one,
36:27I was just pushing it
36:27a little too far.
36:28Who'd like to see
36:29what happened
36:29on one of the practice laps?
36:31Yeah.
36:31Here we go.
36:33Right, where are we now?
36:34Oh, it's the follow-through.
36:35Oh, a bit wide.
36:36Oh, how is this?
36:37That was my last lap.
36:46That was quite close.
36:47Oh, this is great.
36:48This one's great.
36:49Ah!
36:55Did you, in fact,
36:56spend any time at all
36:58on the track in your practice?
36:59Or was it all just...
37:00Oh, I know.
37:01That was my last one.
37:02And the Stig had said,
37:04oh, you break here
37:05and you break, Hannah.
37:05and I thought,
37:06oh, no, I'll just go
37:06a little bit further
37:07but obviously I should've
37:08listened to the Stig.
37:09Oh, no, I like the spirit.
37:10I do like the Stig says break here,
37:13I'll go a little bit further.
37:14Yes.
37:16Okay, shall we find out
37:17how you did, then?
37:18Yes, okay.
37:19Here we go.
37:20Run the lap.
37:22Oh, a slightly damp track.
37:24Yes.
37:25And the sun in your eyes.
37:26Yes.
37:26Do you want to use
37:27any other excuses?
37:27Oh, that was a bit of a slide.
37:31What?
37:34That's looking pretty tidy.
37:39Here we come into the hammerhead.
37:44You've kept it on the island.
37:46Yes, beautifully.
37:47A bit wide there
37:48but other than that was fine.
37:49Yeah.
37:50Fastest corner,
37:50that's where you had your problem
37:51but no problem on your...
37:53This is threading a needle
37:59at 85 miles an hour.
38:00It's not easy.
38:03And into Gamble.
38:10And across the line.
38:15That was...
38:16That was pretty spectacular.
38:22I mean, that's what's called
38:23using all the track,
38:24I think,
38:25the place is there.
38:27Vorderman...
38:28Vorderman...
38:29And you want to do
38:31better than whitely,
38:32obviously.
38:32Well, obviously, yes.
38:33What should we call the track?
38:35It wasn't wet.
38:36Moist.
38:37Moist.
38:39How about a mildly moist?
38:44Damp?
38:46No, I'm sticking with mildly moist.
38:48This is what I'm going to go for.
38:49A mildly moist.
38:50So how many seconds extra
38:52does that give me, then?
38:53You did it.
38:54Yeah.
38:55In one minute...
38:56Yeah.
38:5750...
38:58Yeah.
39:00Now, bear in mind,
39:01that's the fastest ever
39:03damp lap.
39:04Yeah.
39:04154.
39:05Yeah.
39:06One minute...
39:07Yeah.
39:07...51.
39:08.2.
39:10You go...
39:12...there.
39:17There you go.
39:21That is the fastest ever
39:23wet lap of our track.
39:24Oh, that's good then, isn't it?
39:27How come I'm the only one
39:28who's got a point after the second?
39:29We've decided we're going to
39:30start doing points now
39:31because everyone's started
39:32getting 150.
39:32So last cowl, when he came on,
39:35was a 147.1.
39:37That's what we're doing now.
39:38Okay.
39:38So we're doing points.
39:39So I was nearly as fast as you, then?
39:42Yes, but you had a damp.
39:43Yeah.
39:44Oh, great.
39:44Bit.
39:45Whereas I did it in a dry.
39:48Ladies and gentlemen,
39:48the cowl order then.
39:50Yay!
39:52That was great.
39:53There's lean times
39:55coming in Hot Hatchville.
39:57The Focus RS
39:58has been killed off.
40:00And the Golf R32
40:01is not long for this world.
40:04And as for the Alpha 147 GTA,
40:07well, that's not dead,
40:08but it's as mad as a badger.
40:11And that doesn't leave
40:12much of a Hot Hatch choice.
40:14There's the Seat Leon Cupra,
40:16ah, Leon Cupra thing,
40:18and there's this,
40:19the Honda Civic Type R.
40:23It's always been
40:34a bit of an old-school hooligan,
40:36the Civic Type R.
40:38If it were in a porn film,
40:40it would play the stable lad
40:41or the plumber
40:44rather than the smooth
40:46international businessman.
40:50It's 197 brake horsepower.
40:53It just loves to be abused.
40:55Get past 6,000 RPM
40:57and it goes berserk.
41:01You can't be too cruel to it.
41:03It just laps it up.
41:07I mean, look at this layout.
41:08The gear lever is
41:09right next to the steering wheel.
41:11It's like being in a touring car.
41:13Oh, you can just put it
41:17where you want it.
41:19And it looks the part.
41:21Nice and unsubtle,
41:23as a Hot Hat should be.
41:26This is actually
41:27the new improved version,
41:29on sale now for 16,000 pounds.
41:33It's got even more
41:34in-your-face cosmetic tweaks.
41:37And while they're about it,
41:40they've also sharpened up
41:41the steering
41:41and the handling.
41:47It is superb.
41:48And pound for pound,
41:50even if there wasn't
41:50a Hot Hat famine right now,
41:52it'll be holding shoulders
41:54above the rest.
41:55Now, I'm told, good news.
41:59We've got a little bit
42:00more money, which is good.
42:01It means we can carry on filming
42:02and show you this.
42:10It's the Civic's
42:12reclusive uncle,
42:13the Honda NSX.
42:14But this is the latest
42:16and most special version.
42:18The no-nonsense,
42:20full-fat Type R.
42:22The NSX has been around
42:24for 13 years now.
42:26But you probably
42:27wouldn't know that
42:28because, well,
42:29hardly anybody's bought one.
42:33The original NSX
42:35was always billed
42:36as the user-friendly supercar.
42:40This version, though,
42:41is totally hardcore.
42:49Just like the BMW M3 CSL
42:52that Jeremy drove
42:53on the Isle of Man,
42:53this has been stripped
42:55with religious fervour
42:57of any excess weight.
42:58So, the bonnet,
42:59carbon fibre,
43:00as is the boot
43:01and the spoiler.
43:02And the glass partition
43:03dividing the engine compartment
43:05and the passenger compartment
43:06is made of thinner,
43:08lighter glass.
43:09Then there's the seats.
43:11They're lightweight, too,
43:12with more carbon fibre.
43:13And there's this,
43:15the gator,
43:16at the base
43:16of the gear lever.
43:18Usually leather,
43:19it's been replaced
43:20with fine mesh
43:21to save 10 grams.
43:24I could have done that
43:25wearing a thinner pair
43:26of socks.
43:32Under the skin,
43:33the brakes are stronger,
43:35the suspension sharper,
43:36and the engine race-tuned
43:39to give around
43:39300 brake horsepower.
43:42And they've tweaked
43:42the aerodynamics
43:43to make it
43:44even more stable.
43:46In fact,
43:46they've got a bit
43:47nerdish about it.
43:49You can even
43:50retract with this button
43:52the radio aerial
43:54to half height
43:55because that apparently
43:57will improve
43:58the aerodynamics.
43:59The results,
44:06it has to be said,
44:08are amazing.
44:09It handles beautifully
44:11and grips like nothing else.
44:14But is it enough
44:15to make people sit up
44:16and take notice?
44:18Sadly,
44:19no.
44:21Let me explain why.
44:24It's this.
44:25When people start
44:26messing with the shape
44:28of the gear knob
44:29and then giving it
44:30a lightweight
44:31mesh gator,
44:33that's when you know
44:34they're just fiddling.
44:37This isn't a car anymore.
44:38It's just an engineer's
44:40play thing.
44:43And it costs 70 grand.
44:46And no one's going to
44:47pay that for a Honda.
44:51The thing is,
44:53no matter how hard it tried,
44:55it was never a Ferrari.
44:58So it's really time
45:01this car shuffled off
45:02to the Renault Alpine
45:04rest home
45:04for retired
45:05pleasant supercars.
45:07And Honda,
45:08move on.
45:09Build something else.
45:12Step away from the NSX.
45:13I saw an NSX the other day.
45:23No.
45:23I did,
45:24because it's not a big seller,
45:25is it?
45:25Uh, no.
45:26Put it this way,
45:26they had a bumpy year
45:27last year
45:27and they sold
45:2823.
45:3023 in a good year.
45:32Thing was,
45:33though,
45:33that this one
45:34was coming down
45:34the inside lane
45:35of the A40
45:36and I was pulling on.
45:39It moved over
45:39to let me pull out
45:40and then the driver
45:41suddenly decided
45:42he wanted to turn off.
45:44Just swipe.
45:45I've never seen a car
45:47go so close
45:48to the front of mine.
45:48It was,
45:49oh.
45:49Nice.
45:49So I thought,
45:50I'll pull alongside
45:50and I'll express my...
45:53Displeasure.
45:55Displeasure's a good word.
45:56With the driver
45:57of the NSX.
45:59Who should it be?
46:00Rowan Atkinson.
46:02Mr. Bean.
46:03Good.
46:03Did he cut you up
46:04in a funny
46:05and amusing way
46:06or just...
46:07No,
46:07what he did,
46:07what he did
46:08was that man thing.
46:10Okay,
46:10as I went alongside,
46:11he was driving
46:12with that kind of
46:12invisible blinkers on.
46:15I cannot see
46:16this enormous Mercedes
46:17here
46:17and a man
46:18waving furiously
46:19at me.
46:20And I shall just
46:21hope for the corner
46:22to come up
46:23and then you see
46:23he's gone
46:24and I can't even
46:25hear his horn anymore.
46:27I know that exact one,
46:27but look,
46:28we can't talk
46:28for too long
46:29because if we do,
46:30they'll start fiddling
46:31with the thing again.
46:32So,
46:32let's get it out
46:33on the track.
46:34Banzai Stig.
46:36And away he goes.
46:38Now,
46:38it is very wet out there.
46:39You can see
46:40the NSX
46:40squirming and slithering
46:42down towards
46:42the first corner.
46:44It's sideways already.
46:45Very sideways.
46:49Ah,
46:50lovely.
46:50Stig
46:51G-ing himself
46:51along with the
46:52sound of the
46:52ragged pasta advert there
46:54and getting very
46:55out of shape
46:55as he exits
46:56Chicago,
46:57down towards
46:57the Hammerhead now.
46:58Will it understeer there?
47:05Oh my lord,
47:06no.
47:06That's oversteer.
47:08In the dry,
47:09this car is pretty much
47:10unstickable,
47:10but it looks like
47:11an absolute nightmare
47:12in the wet.
47:13How's it going to cope
47:13with the hollow through?
47:15Oh,
47:15very fast,
47:16very brave,
47:17Stig.
47:18Now,
47:18the first half,
47:19the NSX was about
47:19level with a 911
47:20turbo's wet time.
47:21It's still twitchy there.
47:23Tidy into Gamboll.
47:24And across the line in...
47:27Are we ready?
47:27It was very wet.
47:28One minute,
47:3031.6,
47:32which is not bad.
47:33Point six.
47:34But that's only
47:35half a second slower
47:36than a 911 turbo.
47:38And that has
47:38four-wheel drive and...
47:40All of that stuff.
47:40That's not very...
47:41That's not bad at all.
47:42But let me just
47:43point out one thing.
47:44Lightened,
47:45faster,
47:45tracked version
47:46of a rear-wheel-drive
47:47powerful car.
47:47Very good.
47:48A bit like
47:49that one.
47:50The 911 GT.
47:51I mean,
47:51look at the difference.
47:52Four seconds.
47:53That's when we realised.
47:54That's how...
47:55That's why
47:55we love the 911 GT3
47:57so much.
47:58Absolutely.
47:58Phenomenal thing.
48:00Now,
48:00we do have
48:01one more award
48:02to hand out.
48:03It is the award
48:04for the fastest
48:05celebrity round
48:06our track.
48:07Award.
48:08There's been a
48:09mixed bunch
48:09this year,
48:10really.
48:11Rory Bremner.
48:12Go!
48:13Go!
48:14Go!
48:16Muscle car
48:16needs a big year.
48:19Rich Hall.
48:20I'm the king
48:20of third gear.
48:21I was slowed
48:23down by the
48:24child safety
48:24law.
48:25Stephen Fry!
48:28Look at him,
48:29doesn't he look
48:29a dick?
48:31Really?
48:32Oops.
48:34Oh.
48:35I'd like you to
48:36put something
48:37like slaky
48:38moisture.
48:39Martin Kemp!
48:40What?
48:41What?
48:46Very good!
48:48That's the furthest
48:49anybody's been
48:51from the track.
48:52Rob Brydon.
48:53All around.
48:55A very nice ride.
48:57Shhh.
48:58Some young babies.
49:00One minute,
49:0148 seconds.
49:03Sanjay Bhaskar!
49:04The tissue boxman.
49:05I really wish my mum
49:08hadn't taught me
49:08to drive.
49:10Oh, yes!
49:12It was wet out there.
49:14Yeah.
49:14There was an albatross
49:15that flew in front
49:16of the wind.
49:17Johnny Vegas!
49:18He owned you out of it!
49:21Give me a duck car!
49:23You beat Harry Enfield
49:24and Richard Whiteley
49:25and they've both
49:25got driving licences.
49:27Married!
49:28Simon Cowell!
49:29Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
49:31F***.
49:32I really was
49:34looking forward
49:34to taking you
49:35up far.
49:36Yes!
49:38I wasn't even trying.
49:42Okay, now.
49:45Now, we've been terrified
49:47these last few weeks
49:48that Jodie Kidd
49:49would still be the top
49:50of the leaderboard
49:51and that she'd have
49:52to come down here
49:53and get another award
49:53and we wouldn't have
49:54any money for flowers
49:55or chocolates
49:56or, in James' case,
49:58even personal hygiene.
49:59Disaster.
50:00However, our bacon
50:01was saved
50:01just a few weeks ago
50:02when Simon Cowell
50:03came on the programme
50:04as a guest
50:04and blitzed
50:05the track record.
50:07One minute 47.1.
50:08That's absolutely fabulous.
50:10The only thing was
50:10is that we said to him,
50:12do you want to go out
50:12with a Stig
50:13in a Noble?
50:14And we thought,
50:14be great,
50:15we'll frighten
50:16the living daylights
50:17out of him.
50:18And this is what happened.
50:21352 brake horsepower
50:22by 0-60
50:23in 3.7 seconds.
50:25This is a seriously
50:26fast car
50:27and the Stig
50:27is going right
50:28up to the limits
50:29and look.
50:31He's just not bothered.
50:32It's right through Chicago,
50:34right to the edge.
50:39OK, so we're not right,
50:41we'll give him
50:41the hammerhead.
50:42We've got a really
50:42good run up here.
50:48Up to about 125.
50:50Last quarter.
50:59He is a cool customer
51:03and very deserving
51:04of the Top Gear Award
51:06as the fastest
51:07celebrity of the year.
51:08We can join him now.
51:10I'd like to say
51:11that I'm sorry
51:12about not being able
51:13to accept this award
51:15personally,
51:15but I'd be lying.
51:17I'm actually
51:17on a beach
51:18in Barbados.
51:20As for the award
51:21itself,
51:22having been given it,
51:23I'm delighted
51:24I'm not going to be
51:25able to accept it
51:25personally
51:26because this is
51:27without question
51:28the most pathetic
51:29award I've ever
51:30seen in my life.
51:32What does it mean
51:33to me, though?
51:34I beat a girl.
51:36I beat JK.
51:38That means a lot.
51:39And I also beat
51:40Jeremy Clarkson
51:41and that means
51:42an awful lot to me.
51:44As a passing thought,
51:46Jeremy,
51:46I have heard
51:47Desert Island Discs.
51:48And you have
51:49the audacity
51:50to criticise
51:51my taste in music.
51:57If he'd been nice,
51:59we'd have wrapped
51:59the show up
52:00here and now,
52:00OK?
52:01But he wasn't.
52:02So,
52:03who'd like to see
52:04what happened
52:05when we put him
52:07in the driver's seat
52:08of the noble?
52:10Oh, yes.
52:10Yes?
52:11Play the tape.
52:12Right, here we go.
52:13This is the follow-through.
52:14Cowl driving,
52:16as you can see.
52:17Coming up to the
52:18fastest corner
52:19on the track,
52:19115 miles an hour
52:21and...
52:22Oh, dearie me!
52:26That is...
52:27Absolutely,
52:30totally incompetent,
52:32man.
52:32Rubbish!
52:33And I think we've made it.
52:34I think so.
52:35We've made a show
52:36for 47p.
52:38Yeah.
52:38We've finished it.
52:39So, James,
52:40play us out, please.
52:43There we go.
52:44Good night.
52:45Don't miss highlights
52:51from the series
52:52next Sunday
52:53at the same time.
52:54Still to come tonight
52:55on BBC Prime,
52:56the personal stories
52:57of Britain's
52:57tallest men and women.
52:59We'll see you next time.
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