- 5 months ago
📺 Watch Top Gear Season 1 Episode 10 in full – the season finale!
The crew wraps up Season 1 with some of the best cars, most epic reviews, and a stunning look at Clarkson’s Car of the Year.
🚗 Featured segments:
Jeremy Clarkson test-drives the jaw-dropping Aston Martin Vanquish.
The trio announces the Top Gear Car of the Year 2002 – a surprise pick!
Richard Hammond checks out the Toyota Corolla T Sport.
Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Ellen MacArthur, British sailor, takes a spin around the track.
Top Gear Season 1 Episode 10 full episode, Aston Martin Vanquish review, Top Gear Car of the Year 2002, Jeremy Clarkson Aston Martin, Ellen MacArthur Top Gear, season finale Top Gear
The crew wraps up Season 1 with some of the best cars, most epic reviews, and a stunning look at Clarkson’s Car of the Year.
🚗 Featured segments:
Jeremy Clarkson test-drives the jaw-dropping Aston Martin Vanquish.
The trio announces the Top Gear Car of the Year 2002 – a surprise pick!
Richard Hammond checks out the Toyota Corolla T Sport.
Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Ellen MacArthur, British sailor, takes a spin around the track.
Top Gear Season 1 Episode 10 full episode, Aston Martin Vanquish review, Top Gear Car of the Year 2002, Jeremy Clarkson Aston Martin, Ellen MacArthur Top Gear, season finale Top Gear
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:00In tonight's Top Gear, the Mick Jagger of supercars.
00:07Our quest goes on to find Britain's fastest faith.
00:12And the Stig sorts out TVR's new coupe.
00:20Hello and a big Yuletide welcome to our festive edition of Top Gear.
00:25As you can see, we've spared every expense.
00:27We've got a Christmas twig, and some oranges, and some nuts.
00:33And, oh, it's a bauble.
00:40No, no, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, let's just forget about Christmas, shall we?
00:44Let's talk about big, shiny 4x4s.
00:48Now, they tend to be bought predominantly by people who live in towns.
00:52So that when they go to the countryside, they think they'll blend.
00:57Really?
01:03This is the countryside.
01:06It's a brown and gnarled place, much like the people who live in it.
01:10And these are the cars that rural people drive.
01:16Willington boots with wheels.
01:18Muddy, broken things that are held together with straw and dead pheasants.
01:23It's hard to blend here, unless you live here.
01:31This is my off-road car.
01:38It's a Toyota Land Cruiser Amazon.
01:41And it's built to take on Africa and Australia, so it has no problem at all taking my children to school in the morning in Oxfordshire.
01:49It has seven seats, rough and tumble fixtures and fittings, and there's a sense of invincibility about it.
01:56When you drive this down a narrow road, it's the other guy who backs up.
02:00Now, you could use the Land Cruiser for a day's shooting, but I don't recommend it.
02:08It's not that it doesn't work off-road.
02:10It does.
02:10It's brilliant.
02:11It just doesn't fit in with the scene somehow.
02:14You see, shooting is a traditional sport, where the winner gets supper and the loser goes hungry.
02:25There's just you and your peace and the stillness of the trees.
02:28Smoke curls from an autumnal fire.
02:31A gentle rain softens the edges.
02:34And in this traditional scene, the Land Cruiser's just too chintzy somehow.
02:51I mean, look, that is green, and that's Toyota's idea of green.
02:58It just doesn't work.
03:00The BMW X5 is also hopeless, but for a different reason.
03:07Yes, it's big, and yes, it has four-wheel drive, but that's the end of the story.
03:12It doesn't even have off-road tyres, and that's like coming out here in a pair of Jimmy Choo pumps.
03:20This car is milly-vanilly.
03:22Looks good on paper, but actually, it's just miming.
03:26On even the gentlest of tracks, it gets stuck, and the beater will drive by in his old Land Rover, laughing at you.
03:38Even if you are the Marcus of Blandford.
03:41Well, that laugh was perfect.
03:43And how much is that Land Rover worth?
03:4530 quid?
03:46OK, now, I'll be fair.
03:49£200 worth.
03:51And that's, well, £50,000 worth, and it's stuck.
03:55That's right.
03:55What is yours?
03:56Trooper.
03:57Trooper come by?
03:59Might, yeah.
03:59The really strange thing is, that Land Rover is exactly the same age as me, and it's the only thing that's got up this.
04:20I couldn't get up this hill.
04:22It's lasted better than I have.
04:24Still, I'm frozen to BMW, anyway.
04:26Yeah, you've beaten the BMW by 30 feet.
04:29Oh, well, that's 30 feet less to walk.
04:32Exactly.
04:38So, what about the Jeep Grand Cherokee?
04:42Surprisingly, for an American car, it's quite restrained.
04:45It does blend into the Oxfordshire backdrop, and it is good at dealing with the rough stuff.
04:56But, good though it may be out here, it does have one or two problems.
05:06It's quite agricultural feeling.
05:08I don't really mind that.
05:09I mean, it is an off-road car.
05:11What I do mind is the ruching on the leather seats and this hideous, fake, plastic wood.
05:18It's also nowhere near as big on the inside as you would imagine looking at it from the outside.
05:24But the worst thing about this, the worst thing, is that you've always got the sense that you've bought second best.
05:32The new Range Rover is 20,000 pounds more than a Jeep.
05:54These days, it's more a luxury yacht than a car.
05:58But don't worry, it can still play rough.
06:02OK, look at this.
06:07I flick this switch here to engage the hill descent control.
06:12Put it into neutral.
06:14Engage low range.
06:15Back into drive.
06:18And now, I just point it at this seemingly impossible slope here.
06:24And now, I'm going to do something you might think is mad.
06:33I'm going to take my foot off the brake.
06:35OK?
06:36I can feel the anti-lock brakes grabbing each of the wheels in turn, making sure that we stay straight.
06:48And that we continue to do a walking pace all the way down the hill.
06:55Now, of course, the X5 can do that as well.
07:01The X5 also has a hill descent control.
07:04It's something BMW stole while they were running Rover.
07:08But what the X5 can't do is turn round and go back up the slope.
07:15See, it doesn't have a low-range gearbox.
07:18It doesn't have locking diffs.
07:20It doesn't have this thing's ground clearance or wheel articulation.
07:24It's not a proper off-road car.
07:26And this just is.
07:30There's something else, too.
07:33A Range Rover looks good outside the Savoy.
07:36But it looks even better out here.
07:47Now, there was a time when Range Rovers were king off the road.
07:51And they still have an air of invincibility about them.
07:55But believe me, you can still get these things stuck.
08:00Really stuck.
08:04See what I mean?
08:06First to try and get it going was Lord Blamford.
08:12Well, it was his garden.
08:14He, however, made things worse.
08:17So next to try was one of the locals.
08:19But his pickup ended up in the lake.
08:21I then decided to fetch my Land Cruiser.
08:26But in my haste to get there, I skidded off the track and ended up in a wood.
08:32The thing is, if those saplings hadn't have been there, I would be very, very wet.
08:37So how do we get it out?
08:40Anyone got any thoughts?
08:41Why are you laughing at me?
08:43What did you say to me this morning?
08:44This truck goes anywhere, you say.
08:46It does go anywhere.
08:47Look, it's come here.
08:48While we took a chainsaw to the trees that were holding the Toyota in place,
08:53a tractor turned up to get the Range Rover out.
08:57But even that was having problems.
09:00This is the trouble with filming in the countryside.
09:03There's too much mud in it.
09:05Eventually, though, all the cars were freed
09:07and we could get back to the business of explaining why the Range Rover is so good.
09:13Look at this.
09:14Great slabs of real sturdy timber here and here and down the sides
09:19and hand-stitched leather and this foundry finish.
09:22It's the best interior on any car anywhere ever.
09:27Easily.
09:28It's like being in the middle of a field in a trendy restaurant in Notting Hill.
09:34Except here, of course, the produce is fresher.
09:40So, there we are.
09:42If you really want to get about off-road,
09:44get something old and knackered with narrow, knobbly tyres.
09:49If, however, you want something for the weekend,
09:52all the cars are equal.
09:53But one is more equal than the others.
09:58So, the only car not to get stuck there, then, was the Jeep.
10:01No, no, it got stuck as well.
10:02Well, we didn't see it.
10:04No, because the cameraman was driving it when it got stuck.
10:06Yeah, that would have done it.
10:08Yeah.
10:08So, the Range Rover emerged, you reckon, as the best of all of those,
10:12despite being, what, 20 grand more than the Jeep?
10:14Yes, I know, but the attention to detail on this thing is just amazing.
10:17Let me show you, OK?
10:19The steering wheel, OK?
10:21It's heated.
10:21You push that button there and it warms up.
10:24And, even better, there's a little paraffin heater down in one of the front wheel arches, OK?
10:29And you can program it on the computer here to come on, say, at 6 o'clock,
10:34if you're leaving for work at 7, so when you get in, it's nice and warm in here.
10:37And, and I fear this may be the most boring sentence ever to be said on British television,
10:44but it used to have a separate chassis, now it's a monocoque.
10:48Yeah, and you know exactly what that means, I presume?
10:51Me as it's less wobbly.
10:52OK, but all this clever stuff, that's great.
10:55Assuming it works, because Range Rovers have not enjoyed the best of reputations.
10:59I did some phoning around and looked into this.
11:02They did suffer a few problems.
11:03I mean, it was with stuff like the paintwork, interior trim, a bit rattly,
11:08engines, they could be a problem.
11:10Yeah, the 4 litre.
11:11And the 4.6, actually.
11:12And the diesel.
11:13All the engines.
11:13Yeah.
11:15Gearboxes could be an issue.
11:17Automatics.
11:17And the manuals.
11:18And the manuals, yeah.
11:19Transfer boxes, the suspension, actually, as well.
11:21Yeah.
11:22And all of the electronics.
11:23Yeah.
11:24All of it, you know.
11:25Yeah.
11:26I did actually have a word with Land Rover about their reliability issue on this car,
11:32and they said, no, no, no, this one's built properly.
11:34So, I said, okay, right, lend us one for six months.
11:39And they've agreed.
11:40And if anything falls off, or melts, or breaks, in any way,
11:45we can murder the managing director's dog.
11:48That's fair.
11:49In front of his children.
11:51That's fair.
11:51Well, really, if this, for instance, gets a little bit loose, a little bit wobbly,
11:56Frisky buys the farm.
12:00Right, it's time now to look back on 2002, and announce our car of the year.
12:06Okay, and the nominations are the Range Rover.
12:09We've just seen it.
12:10It is the king of off-rovers.
12:13And the Mazda 6.
12:14The Japanese try to take on the Germans, and they succeed.
12:17It's a cracking car, and very good value, as well.
12:19And then there's the Mini Cooper S.
12:22It's the trendiest car in the world right now.
12:24It's like driving around in a supercharged parka.
12:28And the Audi RS6.
12:30It's fast in a straight line, fast round corners, and it's fast even when it's raining.
12:36Right.
12:36Have we missed anything?
12:37Anybody got any more thoughts that we should have put on the show?
12:40The Vauxhall Vectra.
12:41The what?
12:41The Maybach 62.
12:42The Maybach 62's a stupid car.
12:44We're coming to that later.
12:46Anybody else?
12:47The Vauxhall Vectra.
12:49The Vauxhall Vectra.
12:51The Vauxhall Vectra wouldn't be the best car, even if it was launched in 1984.
12:57And the rear...
12:58Jaguar XJ.
12:58Jaguar XJ.
12:59That was launched this year, was it?
13:02About.
13:02Where are you from?
13:04Which part of the country?
13:07Coventry.
13:07They made the damn things there.
13:10Have you not noticed them?
13:12I'm afraid you're all way wider than Mark.
13:16As are, in fact, the official European car of the year jury,
13:20who voted in recently the Renault Megane.
13:23Car of the year.
13:24Only if you do that.
13:27So, our car of the year is...
13:31We've got some gold envelopes.
13:33Ready?
13:34It's the Range Rover.
13:37The judges, and that would be us, were impressed with its mono thingy chassis,
13:42its supplementary heater, and the sheer Range Rover-iness of it.
13:47And the next one is for this year's most pointless car.
13:50Okay, and the shortlist here is the Mercedes Maybach.
13:54It's a private jet that can't take off.
13:56And then the Ford Fusion.
13:59Don't be fooled by the ads.
14:00It is a Ford Fiesta in a hat.
14:05And the Rover 75 long wheel pace, suitable only for the mayor of Preston.
14:12Right.
14:13Have we missed anything there or not?
14:15SL55 AMG.
14:15SL55 AMG.
14:16SL55 AMG, you think, is a pointless...
14:18So, let's go to the actual winner, which is...
14:32It's the Ford Fusion, everybody!
14:35SL55 AMG.
14:36SL55 AMG.
14:37SL55 AMG.
14:38Now, um, the judges were very impressed with Ford's idleness on this one.
14:46They knew that we all liked mini-MPVs, they knew they needed to make one, and they couldn't be bothered.
14:53Next up, a very popular category here.
14:55It's the Weirdest Renault category.
14:57Okay.
14:58Weirdest Renault of the year, the nominees are as follows.
15:01The Velsatis.
15:02It's a businessman's car, but only if your business is N-ROM.
15:06The Megane.
15:10A family car, but only if your family is the Osbournes.
15:14SL55 AMG.
15:15And the Avantime.
15:17It's a sporty coupe, but only if you don't want a car that's sporty.
15:22SL55 AMG.
15:23Or a coupe.
15:24SL55 AMG.
15:25And the winner, the Weirdest Renault of the year, is...
15:29In true mad Renault style, it's the Nissan Micra.
15:34SL55 AMG.
15:35SL55 AMG.
15:36The judges noted that the designer had plainly got too much ink in his pen.
15:41Look at it.
15:42Stop designing it, man.
15:43Step away from the CAD-CAM unit.
15:46You've finished.
15:47That's enough details on one car.
15:50Now the big one.
15:52Our Surely You Don't Need the Money Award.
15:55And the winner is...
15:57Eddie Irvine for promoting this host pipe here.
16:01SL55 AMG.
16:02Right.
16:03SL55 AMG.
16:04SL55 AMG.
16:05SL55 AMG.
16:06The man earned £6 million last year.
16:096 million, but still thought it was a good idea to put his fizzog on this box.
16:15Which is available in Woolworths for £79.99.
16:19Now we were going to make an award at this point for the fastest car around our track, which
16:24is the Radical, with an amazing time of 1 minute 19 seconds.
16:28But it seems that the Germans have been monitoring our broadcasts, and they got in touch, and
16:35they said that they've got a couple of cars which they think could blitzkrieg our track.
16:42This is the AS1.
16:44It's powered by a bike engine, the same Suzuki Hayabusa unit that we saw in the Radical and
16:50in the Westfield.
16:51It's, um...
16:52Where is it?
16:53It's gone.
16:54Erm...
16:55Well, wherever it is, they've boarded it out to 1.4 litres.
16:59Now that doesn't sound like much, but the AS1 only weighs 600 kilograms.
17:10That's the same as my shoes.
17:13So it should go like stink.
17:16However, I'm more interested in that.
17:19It looks like a normal Audi TT, with a few stickers on it.
17:23And it has a normal Audi TT engine, 1.8 litres, with a turbocharger.
17:29The thing is though, it's been tweaked a little bit so that it now develops 400 brake horsepower.
17:35And that's the same as a Ferrari 360.
17:38Now in a normal TT, the engine drives all four wheels.
17:42But in this, the engine drives the front wheels.
17:46The rear wheels are driven by a little something in the boot.
17:51Another 400 horsepower engine.
17:54It's got two engines.
17:56800 horsepower.
17:58Obviously, they have to have a go.
18:01Oh!
18:02Oh!
18:03Oh!
18:04Oh!
18:05That hurts!
18:07Let's see how it handles.
18:10Corners are best taken with your eyes shut.
18:14That's my tip.
18:16Two engines.
18:18It's ridiculous.
18:20Twice the fuel bills.
18:22But, must be said, twice the fun.
18:29Great.
18:30But these cars must now face the acid test.
18:33It's a Wilkommen Z.
18:35Das Stig.
18:37And it's the Aswan first.
18:40But it's got no stereo, so the Stig's in a bad mood.
18:43Now, it may not look fast, but it's got hardly any body roll at all.
18:47Just look how flat it stays through the hammerhead.
18:51Right.
18:52We're coming up to the tyres now.
18:54Boy, that is so fast.
18:56Bit of flame there on the overrun as it comes up to the last two corners.
19:01Bit twitchy there, but he holds it into the last one and across the line.
19:07Next, the mighty double-engined TT, which is fast on the straights, but not so good in the corners.
19:14And yet again, no stereo.
19:15The Stig's going to be very cross as he comes into the hammerhead.
19:19Lost the radiator wheel by the looks of things.
19:21A big, big burst of flame there as he comes into the final corner.
19:25And he's really earned his Christmas bone.
19:28Well done, the Germans.
19:29That was a very good effort.
19:31So, the times.
19:32Here is our power car lap time board.
19:34At the top, there's the British Radical with an amazing 1 minute 19.
19:38Very, very good car.
19:39So, let's see how the Germans did.
19:41Okay.
19:42First of all, the MTM by motor with its two engines, all very, very clever stuff from the Germans.
19:47Time was 5-1.
19:49No.
19:50No, that's not it.
19:51That's a score.
19:52What made it a score?
19:53It's 1945.
19:541966.
19:55No.
19:56No.
19:57That's wrong again.
19:58It's actually 1 minute 28, which is very, very good.
20:01That puts it faster than a Lamborghini in about nine seconds slower than the British Radical.
20:07There we are.
20:08So, what about the AS1?
20:09A very clever little car again from the Germans.
20:11That managed it in an impressive 1 minute 29.
20:14Oh dear.
20:15Which is a very commendable effort.
20:17Oh dear.
20:18Not as quick as the British Radical, which remains as the fastest car of the series at
20:241 minute 19.
20:25Great news.
20:26Okay.
20:27Now, a couple of weeks ago, we had a race on our track to find Britain's fastest faith.
20:33And it was won by the Church of England.
20:36Trouble is, no Muslim took part because when we filmed the item, it was Ramadan.
20:41And during Ramadan, Muslims are forbidden from eating or taking part in any form of motorsport.
20:47However, I'm delighted to say that Ramadan is now over.
20:52So, we have a Muslim in the Top Gear base.
20:55And not just a Muslim, we also have a Druid, and a Rastafarian, and a Seventh Day Adventist.
21:02Welcome to you all.
21:06Now, you are enormous.
21:13What's your name?
21:14Pastor Gary Gordon.
21:15Pastor Gary Gordon.
21:16Good.
21:17And you live where?
21:18Oxford.
21:19And what do you normally drive?
21:21Peugeot 1.9 diesel.
21:23Did you have any idea what you were supposed to be doing?
21:27Some idea, yeah.
21:28Well, you wouldn't have been practicing any Peugeot diesel, that's for sure.
21:31Okay.
21:32So, you are, well, a Rastafarian as a guess.
21:35Absolutely, yes.
21:36Good.
21:37And what's your name?
21:38Olivier.
21:39Work-wise, I drive a Mondeo diesel.
21:40Right.
21:41Another diesel engine.
21:42It's as interesting as the Peugeot.
21:43Yeah.
21:44Do you do any motorsport?
21:45I have dabbled, yes, this season.
21:46I've been in the British Rally Championships.
21:47Oh, really?
21:48Only in a showroom class polo, but, uh...
21:49It doesn't matter.
21:50You've been doing some serious motorsport.
21:51Left-hand drive and...
21:52You've had it.
21:53You've all had it.
21:54You've all had it.
21:55You've all had it.
21:56It's like the C of E guy.
21:57He did a bit on the side, albeit an MG, but he did a bit on the side.
22:00Right.
22:01And you...
22:02What's your name?
22:03My name's Arthur Pendragon.
22:04Arthur Pendragon.
22:05Arthur Pendragon.
22:06What, King Arthur?
22:07That's the one.
22:08I thought he was a fictional character.
22:09No, I'm not fictional and knows me sort.
22:10Oh, right.
22:11Okay, finally, at the end, you are?
22:12Tariq Nassim.
22:13Tariq Nassim.
22:14And you live where?
22:15West Sussex.
22:16And you drive what?
22:17I've got Skoda.
22:18I've got Skoda.
22:19I've got Skoda.
22:20I've got Skoda.
22:21I've got Skoda.
22:22I've got Skoda.
22:23I've got Skoda.
22:24I've got Skoda.
22:25I've got Skoda.
22:26I've got Skoda.
22:27I've got Skoda.
22:28And you drive what?
22:29I've got Skoda RS.
22:30A Skoda RS.
22:31Quick car.
22:32Mind you, there is a little note I've got here that you once took it to Paris, but you
22:38misread the speed signs.
22:39I did.
22:40You thought 130 kilometers an hour was miles an hour.
22:47Brilliant.
22:48Okay, well, we're going to find out how you did on the track when you did this morning.
22:51Plainly, you've kept the car in one piece, which is more than can be said for the bishop
22:54who came here a couple of weeks ago.
22:56I never trusted Bishop.
22:57No, exactly.
22:58And you keep off the grass.
23:00And we'll see how you get on a little bit later.
23:08Over the past few weeks, we've been telling you about some cracking deals on new cars.
23:12Remember the Volkswagen Passat for under 11 grand?
23:15Well, the Fiat Stilo for $7,995.
23:17Or best of all, a Ford car for $4,995.
23:21I'll tell you, it's never been cheaper or easier to buy a new car.
23:24And the net effect of that is it's killing the value of second hand ones.
23:28In fact, at the bottom end of the market, something like this, they're practically giving
23:32them away.
23:34Here we are, first car of the day, a little Citroen AX.
23:41It's got less than 40,000 miles on the clock.
23:44But because it's seven years old, I can buy this car for around £1,300.
23:49Now, this is a Citroen AX Elation.
23:52It's a limited edition.
23:53It's based on the debut.
23:54So it's got the one-litre engine, which means it's cheap to insure.
23:57But you also get a sunroof and you get metallic paint.
24:00And you know when you look inside, it's going to be nice.
24:02Yeah, look at that.
24:03All the stereo, all the bits and pieces you'd expect.
24:06And it's only done 39,000 miles.
24:08This car's not even halfway through its life.
24:10A couple of years ago, an AX of that age and mileage would have cost you £2,000.
24:15So it's a steal.
24:17Next, I looked for a family car and found this Nissan Primera for under a grand.
24:22You get power steering, you get electric windows, you even get a factory sunroof.
24:27OK, it's done 98,000 miles, but it's going to be good for at least another 40,000 miles.
24:35And you won't be investing in some weather-beaten banger, either.
24:38A careful check of the paintwork shows there's no telltale signs of accident damage repair.
24:43The electric windows work fine, as does the tilt-and-slide sunroof.
24:48And when you rev the engine from cold, there's no nasty knocks or rattles.
24:52So all this, for a grand, seems like a good deal to me.
25:03But just how low can you go and still get some working wheels?
25:06This man, Martin Gurdon, wouldn't even spend £200 on a car.
25:10This Nissan 300C cost him £100.
25:15It's got 135,000 miles on the clock, but so far it's given him a year's trouble-free motoring.
25:21With a car like this, you need things like a strong battery, decent plug leads, decent plugs.
25:30Electrical problems tend to be the bugbear of old cheap cars, people skimped on maintenance.
25:35And you'll find that a simple car like this will be intrinsically reliable if you look after it.
25:39I mean, obviously, you're a convert to this kind of motoring.
25:42I just think it's hilariously funny. Why get a car with higher purchase and then watch it depreciate?
25:47Sure.
25:48I mean, all right, it's not something which is going to impress.
25:51But with a little bit of thought, it can be just as reliable as something which is 10, 12 years younger.
25:56And, you know, if somebody stuffs it or it gets nicked or it breaks in a big way,
26:01well, I'd throw it away and buy another one.
26:04You do need to know what you're doing if you're going in for £100 motoring,
26:08but a little bit more will still get you a decent car.
26:12This Vauxhall Astra CD-i, it's got power steering,
26:16electric mirrors, and you even get a factory sunroof.
26:20Look at this.
26:22£450, and that's from a dealer.
26:25If you were brave and went to an auction, you might get it even cheaper.
26:28But it's not an old nail.
26:30It's a 90,000 miles, it's got some service history and a new MOT.
26:34Plenty of life left in this.
26:36One reason why you can pick up cars like this so cheaply is that they've got time bombs in them.
26:41By time bombs, I mean something that if it goes wrong, it'll cost you more than the car's worth to repair.
26:47Modern cars have onboard computers, and if they crash, you've had it.
26:52You'd be better off scrapping the car.
26:55Some experts would say, avoid these time bombs.
26:59But think about it.
27:01Go in with your eyes wide open, run a car like this for maybe a year or two, it's cheap motoring.
27:06And when it does go bang, don't cry, chuck it away and get another one.
27:10But Jason, that Astra, it was horrible.
27:14It was 450 quid.
27:15Yeah, true.
27:16450 quid.
27:17Listen, I've got a 13-year-old Volvo, it's at 160,000 miles.
27:20I paid 900 quid for it, I've just put it through another MOT.
27:23When it goes pop, I'll just chuck it away.
27:25But you're not going to pull in any of these cars, are you?
27:28I don't care.
27:29450 quid for an Astra, that's what you pay for a service on a new car.
27:33True.
27:34Right.
27:35You can get through Christmas without an Astra.
27:38But you can't get through without a spot of Bond.
27:41So here goes.
27:48You ever get the feeling somebody doesn't like you?
28:05Did you see that?
28:14What?
28:15That fish.
28:16Yes.
28:17How did the fish get into the car without Barbara back and Roger Moore drowning?
28:22Good point, actually.
28:24You see, I notice these things in films.
28:27The hole's big enough for a fish to go in.
28:29Water.
28:30Water.
28:31Lots of it.
28:32Anyway, the point is, we showed that clip because we wanted to demonstrate just how old the Lotus Esprit is.
28:3827 years.
28:40It's a quarter as old as the motor car itself.
28:43And if you think about it, it was launched at a time when Kipper ties were popular.
28:48I did wonder about these.
28:49Yes, no, there's a very good reason for it.
28:50Kipper ties, it went through that, it went through the, this one, 70s tie.
28:54Yes.
28:55It did the Reckless Eric.
28:56It did the Elvis Costello.
28:58And it's still going strong in today's Windsor knot.
29:02Interesting analogy.
29:03I know.
29:04It's brilliant.
29:05And I can't think of anything else from 1975, which looks even half as good as this does today.
29:11Oh, me close, don't let me go.
29:16Oh, no.
29:17I, yes, I love you and I think that you know.
29:23Do you know with your love?
29:28Just about the only thing that 70s about a Lotus Esprit today is the price.
29:34At £50,000, it's half as much as a Ferrari 360.
29:39But don't think it's half the car.
29:42It's kept up with the game by constantly reinventing itself.
29:47So today, instead of a 2.2-litre four-cylinder engine, it's got a 3.5-litre V8 with a couple of turbos.
29:57Old-timer it may be, but it can still put its fingers in its belt buckles and headbang like when it was a teenager.
30:04And it's not like watching your father dance, either.
30:08It's quite good, isn't it?
30:26The Esprit offers 266 brake horsepower per tonne.
30:30And that's more than you get from a Mercedes SL55, or a Porsche 911, or even a Ferrari 456.
30:37This is like North Korea, small, but with a big punch.
30:42What this means is that it'll do 0-60 in 4.8 seconds.
30:47Flat out, it'll hit 175 miles an hour.
30:51It's still a very, very fast car.
30:56And not just in a straight line, either.
30:59Through the corners, it feels absolutely sublime.
31:03There's a hint of understeer to let you know you're getting near the edge,
31:06and then, if you keep on pushing, a glorious adrenaline rush as the tail slides wide.
31:13It is beautifully balanced.
31:16The one area where they really can't hide its age is in here.
31:27You have to remember, this car is from a time when man was living in trees.
31:30Hadn't really learned to walk upright, so you get a very simian driving position.
31:35Over the years, they've tried to improve it with a selection of different dashboards and different seats,
31:40but that's like rearranging the furniture in a small flat.
31:44It's still a small flat.
31:47A lack of space, though, is nothing compared to this car's real Achilles heel.
32:00It's gearbox.
32:02Changing gear in a car like this should be like stroking a recently washed dog.
32:10But in this, it's like stroking a crocodile.
32:13It's all notchy and scaly and ugh.
32:17It's hopeless.
32:20Almost ruins the whole car.
32:23Almost, but not quite.
32:27The fact is, I'm hugely fond of the Esprit.
32:30Always have been.
32:32And I always will be.
32:34So you love the Esprit, great.
32:41Thing is, for how long?
32:43That's the big issue, because the gearbox, the thing that actually spoils it,
32:47is likely to be the thing that kills it, because they got it out of a Renault 25.
32:51Renault stopped making that years and years ago, and they're basically running out.
32:56And the problem is, they can't just make their own gearbox to put on the engine,
32:59because, well, how many do they sell a year?
33:01Half.
33:02Exactly.
33:03It's going to cost about a million quid.
33:04It won't work.
33:05And if that kills it, that's a real shame.
33:07I know.
33:08Because if you ask anybody of our sorts of ages to draw a supercar,
33:11that is what they'll draw.
33:13I know.
33:14It is the perfect supercar shape.
33:15And do you know why?
33:16It's got pop-up headlamps.
33:18Yep.
33:19I love pop-up headlamps.
33:20When I was a kid, all I wanted was a car with pop-up head.
33:23Anything as long as it is that.
33:24A car with pop-up.
33:25And do you know how many cars are made today with pop-up headlamps?
33:28This and one other.
33:29Anyone want to guess what it is?
33:31RX-7.
33:32RX-7's not made today.
33:34MX-5 doesn't have pop-up headlamps anymore.
33:37Um, Porsches don't do pop-up headlamps.
33:40What?
33:41The Ferrari 456.
33:42He's got it, man, from Coventry, doesn't he?
33:45Well done.
33:46The Ferrari 456 is the only other one.
33:49I think we should have more pop-up headlamps.
33:51Why don't they?
33:52Where have they gone and why?
33:53I don't know.
33:54They say, this is great, they say it affects the aerodynamics.
33:56Well, you shouldn't be driving that fast at night anyway.
33:58Exactly.
33:59Bring them back.
34:00Anyway, we've still got one thing left to do with this car, of course.
34:04Unfurl the Stig.
34:07When we asked the Stig to drive the Esprit, huffed and puffed and stopped about saying he didn't like Lotus as very much.
34:13I asked him why, but he just stomped about a bit more.
34:17The only way we could get him inside was by buying him a Moody Blues CD.
34:22Nights in white cycling, never reaching the end.
34:29The thing about the Esprit is that it's not just fast in a straight line.
34:33It's also balanced in the corners.
34:36Look at that.
34:37The only thing that lets it down, really, is the brakes.
34:40Not that he's using them.
34:49Look at this.
34:50For the first time in six weeks, the track is dry.
34:53And he's coming round the last corner now, beautifully held together, beautifully poised and all across the line.
35:00Right, the time is...
35:01Ready?
35:02Yeah.
35:03One minute.
35:0432.
35:05Which is...
35:0632?
35:07That's quicker than my car, look.
35:08That's a very, very good time, isn't it?
35:09Well, it's quicker than a whole load of serious stuff.
35:11There it goes.
35:12And the thing was, it was a dry track out there, but it was minus 426 degrees.
35:17At least.
35:18So it was quite slippery.
35:19Mm, chilly.
35:20Though that's...
35:21I should rejoice in that.
35:23That's amazing time, actually, isn't it?
35:24Aston, Ferrari, all of that.
35:25I know.
35:26And you see...
35:27Bless it.
35:28I know, bless it.
35:29When that thing goes out of production, we are going to be properly, properly sad.
35:34The New Year.
35:35The New Year.
35:36The New Year.
35:37The New Year.
35:38The New Year.
35:39Right.
35:40The news.
35:41And we thought, this week, we'd look at what to look forward to next year.
35:44Right, the news, and we thought this week we'd look at what to look forward to next year.
36:03Because although we're losing the Esprit, there's quite a lot of supercars to get excited about.
36:06Quite a lot, it's an understatement. It's about half a million of them.
36:10Best supercar coming next year has got to be this, the Porsche Carrera GT.
36:15Oh, absolutely. V10 engine, again, £250,000, but just look at it.
36:21That's just so beautiful. That's the most beautiful car I've seen in a very, very, very, very long time.
36:30And the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car, in the same way I guess that George Bush is the equivalent of a president.
36:37Yeah, exactly. There it is, 8.3 litres, 500 horsepower, and that's not enough.
36:43Because there's a new Bugatti coming out next year, which has got 1,000 horsepower.
36:48It's called the Vario. It has a fa... I want to... How do you get 1,000 horsepower into a car?
36:55You have to open the glove box, there'll be 40 horses in it.
36:57There's 36 in the ashtray, a couple of others... Yay! Dobbins under the seat.
37:04Look at it! 1,000 horsepower.
37:06That is an astonishing amount of power.
37:07You'll go from nought to the grave in four seconds.
37:10Immediately.
37:11I'm dead. I'm accelerated.
37:12Straight up a tree.
37:13Dead.
37:14Marginally closer to the real world is the McLaren Mercedes SLR.
37:18Only marginally. Now, I know it does look a bit like an SL, in fact quite a lot like an SL from some angles, but it's an entirely different car, made largely from carbon fibre, so it will be light.
37:29It's got a supercharged V8, so it will be quick as well. And it could be yours next year for 250,000 pounds.
37:36Koenigsegg, yeah?
37:37Bless you.
37:38A bit like the SLR V8 supercharged, but this one's got more power. This one's got 655 brake horsepower, and they reckon it's the fastest car in the world.
37:480-16 in 3.5 seconds, 240 miles on our top speed.
37:52240?
37:53What are you going to do that?
37:54And it's Swedish.
37:55Yeah.
37:55You're not going to do it in Sweden.
37:58To do it, there's always, but you do it here, I do it on the M1, or M40.
38:02The M50's quite empty a lot of the time, you get to it in M40.
38:05M32's good.
38:06M27. Anyone else got any more ideas?
38:08M5.
38:10You can't go on, don't be stupid, you can't go 240 on the M5.
38:15It's ridiculous.
38:16Ridiculous.
38:17The M59, though.
38:19Where are we going there? Oh, I know.
38:20Ascari. Yet another supercar. We've actually got it in the studio.
38:24This is the first one, okay?
38:26It's made in Banbury by a company called Ascari, which stands for Anglo-Scottish Car Industries.
38:33Didn't know Banbury was Anglo-Scottish, but there we are.
38:35It's got a 5-litre V8 engine, but they've asked me not to say where it's from.
38:42Secret.
38:42It's a secret.
38:43Okay. Fair enough.
38:45BMW X5 we had in the studio earlier.
38:48Nice engines.
38:49Yeah, nice engines. Very nice.
38:52Anyway, what can we say about it?
38:55Well, the problem is, of course, is there's a lot of British companies come along and set themselves up, you know, hoping to make these low-volume sports cars.
39:02There was Lee Francis, there was Jensen, Marcos, Strathcaran, and...
39:08They've all gone out of business.
39:10All of them.
39:11So, we wish Ascari the best of British.
39:13No, no, not the best of British.
39:15Sorry, we wish them the best of life.
39:17Fingers crossed.
39:18But anyway, listen, if you can't afford it, you can't get any of these supercars, and there are lots of them coming, don't worry, there's quite a lot of sports cars coming as well.
39:26Chrysler, for instance, is launching the £26,000 Crossfire.
39:31Here it is.
39:32Now, it's got...
39:34It's basically underneath.
39:35It's a Mercedes SLK.
39:37It was designed by a British person, and it's been built in Germany.
39:41So, that's a car for America to be proud of.
39:43And we've got a new Mazda RX-8 to look forward to.
39:47Yep.
39:47£22,400, that's seriously good value.
39:50Wankel engine, suicide back doors.
39:53The thing about those Wankel engines, though, they used to have a big problem, because it was something called the rotor tips deep inside the engine.
39:58They used to wear out much too quickly, didn't they?
40:01Mm.
40:01So, I think they're going to have replaced them...
40:03No, they solved that.
40:04They're using the hardest substance known to man.
40:07Diamond.
40:08Oh, harder than diamonds.
40:09I'll tell you what the hardest substance known to man is, what they're lining the rotor tips with.
40:12It's Weetabix.
40:15Bear with me on this.
40:17Weetabix that's been left in a cereal bowl, and then put in the dishwasher.
40:22Have you ever tried to get it off?
40:24Nothing.
40:25No, I'll buy that.
40:26That would do it.
40:26I have put 60 tonnes of TNT into the bowl to get it out, blew the bowl to smithereens, still stuck to the pieces.
40:33That would do it.
40:34No doubt about it.
40:35So, that's what they're using.
40:36It's the Mazda Weetabix.
40:37Are there any really, like, you know, sensible cars coming next year?
40:40Well, I've got a list, actually, of the other cars that are coming, and the answer to your question is, um, not really.
40:45Um, Porsche, uh, they've made a £50,000, 150 mile an hour off-roader.
40:52Not sensible.
40:52That's not sensible.
40:53Not sensible.
40:54Volkswagen, which, as we all know, means people car.
40:56They've made a £60,000 feet on.
40:59People's car.
41:00It's sensible.
41:01People's car.
41:01The economy's obviously going better in Germany than we thought.
41:04Yeah.
41:04Um, oh, there is one, actually.
41:06There is one sensible car.
41:08The Vauxhall Signum.
41:10Now, it's basically a Vectra.
41:13Oh, I'm nodding off.
41:14Oh, I'm just standing.
41:15Oh, no, I'm coming back.
41:17I'm back.
41:19We mustn't be put off by its Vectra-ness, because it's not like a Zafira, which is the sort of seven-seat Astra.
41:25It only has five seats.
41:27But, apparently, the ones in the back all move about and recline and things.
41:31They're really clever, the ones in the back.
41:33It's going to be the first car ever where people will be fighting to get in the back.
41:37No, no, you drive.
41:38Really, you, you have the front.
41:40You drive it, I'll sit back here.
41:42Thanks very much.
41:43Tinted windows, no one will know I'm in it.
41:45Anyway, here endeth the news.
41:47Ah, no, it doesn't, because TVR, they launch a new car about every three weeks, and they're all pretty much the same.
41:55This is the T350C, their latest offering, and without even looking, I know what I'm going to get.
41:59There'll be a really sexy, curvy body.
42:02It'll have a glorious-sounding engine, and there'll be two seats.
42:06And there it is.
42:08Thing is, though, this car is going to be bought largely by track-day enthusiasts.
42:12You know, the kind of people who'll thrash the bottom off it on a Saturday around the circuit, and then commute in it on a Monday.
42:18So it needs to be a Jekyll and Hyde car, and that ain't easy.
42:22The new car uses TVR's proven Speed 6 engine.
42:36It's good for 350 brake horsepower, and will take the T350 to 60 miles an hour in 4.4 seconds.
42:42It's a hard rather than a soft top, and that makes it stiffer.
42:46And those curves were designed with aerodynamics at the top of the priority list, all of which is good news, both on the road and the track.
42:57But where it gets a bit tricky is the setup, the suspension, the chassis, dampers, springs, all of this kind of caper.
43:05Got to get it right.
43:06This is a track, covered in smooth, flat tarmac, so you can set the suspension up to be as hard as you like, to get a quick lap.
43:18But this is a British road, real life, the Monday to Friday road.
43:22Shoddy repairs, lumps, bumps, mud, and all garnished with ditches.
43:27So, TVR brought the car and a clutch of mechanics.
43:32We added the Stig, who chucked in his 10-peneth, and helped set it up to his liking.
43:42The car doesn't even sit down when it leaves the line.
43:49And look at that, it corners dead flat.
43:51There's absolutely no body roll at all.
43:54That is very fast.
43:55And a good lap time of 1 minute 28.
43:59But in the process, he's made the car twitchy, edgy, and Stig-like.
44:05Right on the limit.
44:06And it gets worse when you leave the track to drive home.
44:28I think the Stig should stick to driving cars, rather than messing about with them, because this is absolutely awful on the road.
44:41It's so uncomfortable.
44:44And not just uncomfortable, I can't steer.
44:47I really have no idea which direction we're going to go in next.
44:50It's just random.
44:52So, it's back to the pits, and the Stig is told to get a grip on real life, and help TVR set the 350 up, so that we can all use it.
45:03And then it's back out onto the track, with slightly softer settings.
45:15And straight away, you can see there's more movement from the body, more body roll through the corners.
45:24And yes, the time is actually a second slower, at 1 minute 29 for the lap, but that's still a very good time, and it's a lot more predictable.
45:35Out on the road, it's much better, more usable, and drivable.
45:39If anything, it's faster in the real world.
45:41We'll let TVR finish the job off, but at least now they know where the limit is.
45:53There's one thing I want to do with this car, okay?
45:56Think of a better name for it.
45:59T350C sounds like an iron.
46:01Yeah, whatever it is, it's got a plug on it.
46:02It's an appliance, so it won't do.
46:05So, whatever we come up with, even if they do call it a T350C, we're going to call it what we come up with.
46:10And actually, choosing a name can be quite tricky, okay?
46:14I mean, I've got a list here of some of the better ones, and these are all genuine.
46:18I promise they are genuine.
46:19There was the Mazda Bongo Frendi.
46:23Very chic.
46:24How about this one?
46:25The Mitsubishi Mini Active Urban Sandal.
46:30How big was the badge?
46:32Or this is the best of the lot.
46:34The Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard.
46:38That's a superb name.
46:40What is that?
46:41And it's not just the Japanese, either.
46:42Back in the 80s, Volkswagen launched a version of their Mark 1 Golf convertible, pink, white leather, okay?
46:50And they called it the Fancy Boy.
46:52Genius.
46:53We didn't get that one in the UK, did we?
46:55No, the UK importers said, no thanks.
46:58Yeah, funny that.
46:59Exactly.
47:00Now, TVR, in the past, have been very good at names.
47:02They had the Cerbera, which was a sort of dog, it's a dog thing, and then they had Chimera, which was a she-goat, and Tuscan, which was the supreme god of everything, and now they've come up with the microwave.
47:14So we've got to do better than that, and I've got a perfect idea.
47:20Ready?
47:21The Widowmaker.
47:22Oh, absolutely.
47:23You can't call a car Widowmaker.
47:25That's awful.
47:25You can.
47:25I just have.
47:26It's the TVR Widowmaker.
47:27They called the Starfighter Jet in the 60s, that was a Widowmaker.
47:31Pilots queued up to fly it, killed themselves, and then another one took their seat.
47:35Everyone wanted to fly it.
47:36You can't, but I know where you're going, though.
47:37It needs to be that sort of forceful, like, TVR Armageddon, or big strong-made.
47:42Well, Armageddon, anyone else got any ideas?
47:44Poseidon.
47:45Poseidon.
47:46Quite like that.
47:46Quite like Poseidon, what's it the god of?
47:49The sea.
47:50The sea.
47:51Pertinent.
47:52Anyone else got any?
47:53Thor.
47:54Thor.
47:54Thor.
47:54I like Thor.
47:55The thunder.
47:56Yeah, TVR, Thor.
47:57It's got a bit of oomph to it.
48:02That's very, very poor.
48:03It's a wizard.
48:04The wizard?
48:05No, it's a wizard.
48:06I quite like the TVR Harry Potter.
48:10There's something about it.
48:12It's like the TVR Famous Five.
48:14But the TVR Beatrix Potter.
48:16It's Peter the Rabbit.
48:18We could go on forever.
48:19I'm not an idiot.
48:19I think you're missing the point.
48:21It's the Paddington Bear.
48:22Oh, my goodness.
48:23It's perfect.
48:24But I think, if I'm not allowed to call it Widowmaker,
48:28how about the TVR Valhalla?
48:31Yeah.
48:32Wasn't that where the Vikings...
48:33Yeah.
48:33That's, in fact, I've decided.
48:34It's the end of the discussion.
48:35Oh, it's like a cool wall all over again.
48:36It is.
48:37It's like a cool wall.
48:37I've decided.
48:38We've heard some great names.
48:39But this is, whatever TVR call it, the Valhalla.
48:42The end.
48:43That's it.
48:43That's where the Vikings are.
48:44When they were dead, isn't it?
48:45Yeah.
48:46Dead Viking burial ground.
48:47With TVR.
48:48Perfect.
48:49Well, there's no point to argue.
48:49Be fair enough.
48:50We've sorted it.
48:52That's a relief.
48:53Anyway, now's the time.
48:55The second coming of our fastest faiths.
48:57And we're going to find out whether any of our chaps here
48:59were quicker than the Church of England.
49:01As with our previous fastest faiths shootout,
49:06the race will be run in a 340 brake horsepower Subaru rally car.
49:12So, would the Church of England remain the kings of the track?
49:18First to go, Tariq, the Muslim.
49:20Tariq was doing really well.
49:40But then the Druid summoned up the ancient gods of Oversteam.
49:50Not just one spin.
49:55You do score extra for doughnuts, don't you?
49:57I do.
49:58But Tariq overcame the wizardry to finish the lap.
50:07Four tyres screeching.
50:09It is a difficult braking point over there, though, I've got to say.
50:13You get such a long view of it.
50:15There's no mark there for you to brake out, mate.
50:17Next up, Arthur Pendragon,
50:22member of the ancient and modern Druid order,
50:24priest of Merlin and the Horned God,
50:26battle chieftain, high priest of the dragon coven
50:29and a Morris Oxford driver.
50:34My Peugeot 1.9D doesn't sound like that, I can tell you.
50:38No, let's hope not.
50:39It's not the 60 in 10 minutes.
50:44With the Celtic spirits rooting for him,
50:46the Druid turned in a tidy lap.
50:48How do you get around there so quick?
50:50That's magic.
50:57Gary, the Seventh Day Adventist, was next.
51:00But yet again, the Druid had struck,
51:02this time casting a spell that shrank the car.
51:05Coming for the care.
51:07I can see it, look.
51:17It's not going to...
51:19Any suggestions?
51:23Nick, why don't you sit in with me and come round with me
51:25and we'll do it together?
51:27Oh, like kind of a co-driver thing?
51:28Yeah.
51:28I'll be fighting.
51:29I'm too, uh, well, let me just put it this way.
51:35Yeah, I'm too manly, thank you.
51:37I'm too big for the car.
51:40That left to Levi, the Rastafarian,
51:42who called on the spirit of Jah.
51:45Yes, Jah, mighty bliss.
51:47And by now, the Druid was out of spells.
51:50And at last, a proper rival to the current champion
52:06from the Church of England.
52:07Because like him, a Levi's an amateur weekend racer.
52:12And it showed.
52:20Superstars, one and all, and what a complete tragedy.
52:25Yeah, the car was too small.
52:27I know the feeling, mate.
52:28Yeah.
52:29All cars are too small, aren't they?
52:30I don't know that feeling.
52:32It's not one I suffer from.
52:35Why do I have to stand there?
52:36Let's do the results.
52:37Right, here we go, in reverse order, as is traditional,
52:40in fourth place.
52:42That'll be you, Gary, because you couldn't get in the car.
52:44Scored a time of, so far, about four hours.
52:48Going well.
52:49Not to worry.
52:49Third place, King Arthur, kind of predictably, really,
52:53with a time of 1 minute 48.
52:57In second place, Tarek, with a very good time, 1 minute 41.
53:02Now, the big question is, we know at this point
53:05that the Rastafarian, a Levi Doctrove, has won.
53:09But the big question is, have you beaten the Church of England?
53:13And when they came here, they went around in 1 minute 37 seconds,
53:17faster than all you lot.
53:18You went round in 1 minute 31 seconds.
53:221 minute 31 seconds.
53:27That is fantastic.
53:30That's only...
53:31That is only...
53:34Well, it's less than 2 seconds off the pace set by the Stig.
53:38That's an unbelievable performance.
53:40Jason, bring in the trophy.
53:41There you are, the fastest faith.
53:43Thank you, man.
53:45Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, man.
53:50Thank you, man.
53:50Thank you, man.
53:51Thank you, man.
53:52Well, actually, it's the fastest faith for now,
53:56unless we can find a smaller Seventh-day Adventist.
53:59Or a bigger car.
54:01Anyway, every week, we put a star in a reasonably priced car, okay?
54:05We've done that throughout the series.
54:07And they've been a mixed bag.
54:11Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Enfield.
54:12Don't die.
54:14Ready, steady, go.
54:15It went skid.
54:18I've got the 30 miles an hour.
54:20Yeah!
54:21Hey, I lost control of that.
54:24Jamiroquai front man.
54:25JK!
54:25Don't be punished.
54:29Don't be tempted to put too much power on.
54:32That's beautiful.
54:33That's beautiful.
54:44Rothkamp.
54:4420 seconds.
54:50Rubbish.
54:51I hate you.
54:52I hate you so much, Gloves.
54:54I'm going to get you back at some point.
54:55Jonathan Ross.
54:57Look at that magnificent turn.
54:59He wasn't.
55:00I think I have to have no idea.
55:02You look ridiculous.
55:09I look like a Star Trek fan.
55:17You're lucky I'm still alive.
55:19Do you think I care?
55:20No, but you're lucky.
55:22Who'd like to see some of the practices that he had?
55:24Yeah, we've got to get out of here.
55:28I thought it might be faster.
55:31Ladies and gentlemen.
55:32Steve Coogan.
55:35There's a glad to clean me tea.
55:36There's a gradual build-up of terror by the looks of things.
55:39Start with mild panic.
55:41Oh, that's quite neat.
55:45I drive a Lexus.
55:4653.
55:47Ross Kemp's got to be so angry about it.
55:50I beat Ross Kemp.
55:51Tara, come over Tomkinson.
55:52I'm coming up to Harvey Nichols, and the shop's about to close.
55:55I don't crash, but when I park, I think that the buffers are there, so you go bump, bump, bump, bump, in.
56:10From status quo.
56:12Rick Parfitt.
56:14Oh, no.
56:17Oh, no, there's more.
56:19Probably broke wind.
56:21Back on.
56:27Across the line, sideways.
56:29Ladies and gentlemen.
56:30Sir Michael Gambon.
56:31You do look quite scared.
56:38Tyres, stop.
56:40You were very close to the tyres there.
56:42You're supposed to be.
56:44No, well, it was beautifully, actually, you're off.
56:48You hear, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
56:55Gordon Ramsay.
56:57I thought the hour could have sworn I just saw a trapping water.
56:59That taste of petrol, and that was done on the Subaru Forester, a flat-four engine.
57:07It's a very good base.
57:15Now, a mixture of poise, precision, and Harry Enfield there.
57:23But now it's time to award the prize to the fastest celebrity in the whole series,
57:27and it was, if we look on this board, JK with a time of 1.48, and he's here, everybody.
57:39Well done.
57:41I know it is.
57:44What can I say?
57:45I should apologise for the end that's come off there.
57:48The BBC has really pushed the boat out of there.
57:50Slightly broken.
57:51Would you like to make a speech?
57:52A little Tom Hanks-style acceptance speech would be good.
57:56No, it's OK.
57:57I'd just like to say to everybody that it's one of the greatest days of my life to get this award,
58:02and, you know, I mean, no Brit Award or Grammy could come close to it,
58:07and I just want to thank Jeremy, the BBC, God, Mum, everybody.
58:11Fantastic.
58:18Wave, wave, wave, wave.
58:23Hit the road again next week at the same time.
58:26Get right inside Tinseltown next on BBC Prime, with a lowdown on Hollywood.
58:30Good.
58:31Good.
58:32Good.
58:33Good.
58:34Good.
58:35Good.
58:36Good.
58:37Good.
58:38Good.
58:39Good.
58:40Good.
58:41Good.
58:42Good.
58:43Good.
58:44Good.
58:45Good.
58:46Good.
58:47Good.
58:48Good.
58:49Good.
58:50Good.
58:51Good.
58:52Good.
58:53Good.
58:54Good.
58:55Good.
58:56Good.
58:57Good.
58:58Good.
58:59Good.
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