00:00England, November 1487. The battle between the church and the crown continues to rage and the
00:11Duke of Winchester, the greatest landowner in England, is dying.
00:16Dying, my lords? Am I dying?
00:21Never!
00:22Never! Yet, my son, to pass away the idle hours till your recovery...
00:29No!
00:30Let us imagine you yourself were to pass away. To whom would you leave your lands?
00:35Why, to me, of course.
00:39Yes, to my beloved king.
00:43Yes, yes.
00:44May your filthy soul be prepared for hell, my son.
00:48Hell?
00:49Yes, hell, where Satan delts his fire, and the enormous devils break wind both night and day.
00:56Oh, no!
00:58Where the mind is never free from the torrents of remorse, and your bottom never free from the pricking of little fox.
01:06No! Spare me the little fox!
01:09Oh, what is this nonsense?
01:12Hell, where the softest bits of your nether regions are everybody else's favorite lunch.
01:19Oh, my!
01:21Forgive me, sire. I will change my will, and leave my land to the church.
01:31What?
01:32Blessed be thy stainless soul.
01:37Ah!
01:38Ah!
01:39You will change your mind later.
01:41I know it!
01:42Oh!
01:44I think not.
01:45I think not.
01:49No!
01:50Uh!
03:28Yes, by the way.
03:30The Archbishop of Canterbury?
03:32Oh, no, the King has done it again.
03:35That's the third this year.
03:37How did this one die?
03:39Horribly, my lord.
03:40Any details?
03:42Horribly is all I was given.
03:43Oh, Edmund, there you are.
03:44My lord, I come with tragic news.
03:47I've heard it.
03:48Will you go away?
03:49Oh, dear.
03:51Edmund, the Archbishop of Canterbury has met with the most tragic accident.
03:54There seems to be some confusion, but I think I've fathomed out how it came about.
03:58Yes, I think I've got a pretty shrewd idea myself.
04:00You see, Archbishop Godfrey was coming out of the Duke of Winchester's room.
04:04Who had just died, leaving all his lands to the church?
04:07Well, as a matter of fact, yes.
04:08And so the King was really out for his blood, presumably.
04:11Well, I dare say, but the point of the matter is that at that moment,
04:14round the corner came Sir Tavis Mortimer.
04:16The King's hired killer?
04:18No, no, no, no, Mortimer, that tall, rather striking fellow with no ears.
04:22Yes, that's it.
04:23Well, he came round the corner, saw the Archbishop,
04:25and rushed towards him with his head bowed in order to receive his blessing,
04:29and, uh, and unfortunately killed him stone dead.
04:33How?
04:34Mortimer was wearing a Turkish helmet.
04:36Oh, I see, yes, one of those with a two-feet spike coming out of the top?
04:40Yes, one of those things they normally use for butting their enemies in the stomach
04:43and killing them stone dead.
04:44Yes, so, presumably, he'd forgotten he was wearing it.
04:49But you know, that's exactly what the poor fellow had done.
04:52A tragic accident. Tragic.
04:54Ah, yes, almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram,
04:58being struck by a falling gargoyle while slimming off beachy heads.
05:01Right, and nearly as tragic as poor old Archbishop Wilfred,
05:06slipping and falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral.
05:10Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.
05:14I just don't know how I'm going to break it to his catamite.
05:16What a tragic accident, my lord.
05:22Accident, my coddling.
05:26Who do you think will take over?
05:28Oh, I don't know. It'll be one of the Bishop Fellows, I should imagine.
05:31They tend to go for religious types.
05:33Rumour has it, my lord, that the king wants to choose Prince Harry.
05:38Really?
05:38Prince Harry, Archbishop, my lord?
05:43Claude!
05:44Prince Harry, Archbishop!
05:47And we all know what happens to Archbishops, don't we?
05:50Yes, they go to Canterbury.
05:54Oh, yes.
05:57Are you sure about your sauce, Ulrich?
06:02Yeah, it was Jane Smart.
06:03You know, she was the one who told me about the Duchess of Kent and the Chocolate Chastity World.
06:09Well, with Harry gone,
06:12the black
06:15and I will be
06:16king
06:18next.
06:21Today could be one of the most important days of my life so far.
06:24Percy, I shall require my most splendid garments for the ceremony.
06:28Certainly, my lord.
06:30Hunt, my lord.
06:31Trojan, I think.
06:32Boots, my lord.
06:33The Italian.
06:34And codpiece, my lord.
06:36Well, let's go for the black Russian.
06:39Harry,
06:40Harry, it always terrifies the clergy.
06:57Not really, my lord.
06:58Apparently, Lord Wilders is keeping his sheep in his bedroom,
07:01but nothing on the appointment now.
07:03Fair enough.
07:04I've been dressed like a dillyset wound.
07:14Like what, sorry?
07:15Well, this enormous nonsense.
07:21Fingers crossed.
07:22Members of the court and clergy,
07:29I have,
07:31at last,
07:32after careful consultation with the Lord God,
07:35his son, Jesus Christ,
07:37and his insubstantial friend,
07:40the Holy Ghost,
07:41decided
07:42upon the next archbishop.
07:45may he last longer in his post
07:50than his predecessors.
07:52Fat chance.
07:55I appoint
07:56to the Holy See
07:58of Canterbury
07:59my own son,
08:04Edwin,
08:05Duke of Edinburgh,
08:08Archbishop,
08:11be salute me.
08:12The Dimension Nation.
08:33Very good.
08:35Well done.
08:37Well done, Harry.
08:39Enter.
08:40Ah, your majesty.
08:43Ah, my lord archbishop.
08:46Um, there were just a couple of points about my appointment before things really firmed up.
08:52Yes?
08:52Um, personally, could I...
08:54No, you couldn't.
08:56Could I?
08:56And, uh, and...
08:57Don't be mistaken about this appointment, Edward.
09:00I've always despised you.
09:03Well, you are my father, of course.
09:05And you're biased.
09:06You, compared to your beloved brother Harry,
09:12are as excrement as compared to cream.
09:15Oh, my lord, you flatter me.
09:17And me also.
09:19So now, my boy, when I've at last found a use for you,
09:23don't try to get out of it.
09:24No, no, no, no, no.
09:25No, certainly not.
09:26I just wondered whether perhaps another man, um,
09:30equally weak-willed and feeble, might do just as well.
09:34Ha! There's no such man!
09:37Oh, no. No, of course not.
09:39Silly me.
09:40Uh, I...
09:41I thought, though, perhaps, you know, someone who believed in God.
09:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:46If I needed someone who believed in God,
09:49I'd have chosen Harry!
09:51Not an embarrassing little weed like you!
09:55Oh, well, I think that's everything cleared up.
09:58Goodness, it must be almost time to read a song.
10:01Must be going.
10:02Egbert!
10:08Come here.
10:17A word of advice.
10:22If you cross me now, or ever,
10:26I shall do unto you
10:28what God did unto the Sodomites.
10:30Oh, my lord, I don't think that's a very good idea.
10:33Well, I shall make myself available
10:36for all eventualities.
10:40Thank you so much.
10:41Flea!
10:57We've got the thumb screws,
11:00the foot crusher,
11:01the nose hooks,
11:03and those long rods,
11:04as you'll rather...
11:06Where's the torch?
11:08Here we go.
11:11Right, let's go.
11:12Archbishop!
11:13What?
11:15Uh...
11:15Uh...
11:17Uh...
11:19Hail.
11:19Going somewhere?
11:22Um...
11:23Yes.
11:27Where?
11:31Can...
11:32Canterbury?
11:33Good.
11:34Good!
11:35Howdy here, Willa Cump, Neil.
11:37I would hate to see you murdered
11:40before your investiture.
11:44To date!
11:46Fresh horses!
11:48My lord,
11:49if we're going to catch the boat to France,
11:51you'll have to hurry.
11:52Um...
11:52The boat to France?
11:54Um...
11:55You off to France, Percy?
11:58I thought we all were.
11:59No, no.
12:01Harry and I are off to Canterbury.
12:03Aren't we, Harry?
12:06Oh, I see.
12:08You've changed your plan.
12:10No.
12:11No, not really.
12:12The only change is
12:13if you could go and put your face
12:15in some manure
12:16and follow along
12:17at a reasonable distance.
12:19That would be fine.
12:21Great.
12:22And another thing
12:23that bothers me, Your Grace,
12:24suppose my right hand
12:26offends me
12:27and I cut it off.
12:29Well,
12:29wouldn't my left hand
12:31offends me as well?
12:32I mean,
12:33what do I cut it off with?
12:36Ah, yes.
12:37Yes, that is a knotty one.
12:39Yeah!
12:52Yeah, where is that?
12:53I don't know.
12:55But that tall fellow,
12:56he had a face full of manure.
12:57That's what I call style.
13:10Hello?
13:11Edmund,
13:12Duke of Edinburgh,
13:14believing God the Father,
13:16God the Son,
13:18and God the Holy Ghost.
13:20Um, yes.
13:26I then name thee
13:27Archbishop of Canterbury
13:30and primate of all England.
13:33His investiture over,
13:55Archbishop Edmund the Unwilling
13:57swiftly adopted
13:58the ways of the cloth.
13:59But ever the shadow
14:02of his father's threat
14:03hung over him
14:04until at last,
14:05one day.
14:06Tell me,
14:06Brother Baldrick,
14:07exactly what did
14:09God do to the Sodomites?
14:10I don't know,
14:11my lord.
14:12I can't imagine it was worse
14:13than what they used to do
14:13to each other.
14:19Oh, my God,
14:20this is it!
14:21Baldrick,
14:22go and get me lord
14:23Bishop of Ramsgate.
14:25Right?
14:25Get Percy,
14:26get Percy!
14:27My life is hanging
14:32by a thread.
14:40And if I don't leave
14:42my lands to the church,
14:44then what?
14:46Then, Lord Graveney,
14:47you will assuredly
14:48go to hell.
14:50Alas!
14:51Hell,
14:52where the air
14:53is pungent
14:54with the aroma
14:55of roasted behind.
14:57No.
14:58No.
15:01I place my lands
15:03in the hands
15:04of the church.
15:06And so,
15:08bid the world
15:08farewell.
15:12What?
15:13Shh!
15:13The Archbishop
15:14not yet arrived?
15:15Not yet,
15:16and even if he did arrive...
15:17Wait!
15:19Too late!
15:20Get out of my way!
15:21I'll kill the pair of you!
15:23I have killed your brother!
15:25I'll abolish the church!
15:27My lord!
15:28My lord!
15:29Ah!
15:30I said out!
15:31Get out!
15:32My lord!
15:33My lord!
15:34My lord!
15:35Wake up!
15:36Wake up!
15:38Wake up!
15:39Ah!
15:40Ah!
15:42Am I in paradise?
15:45No.
15:45No, not yet.
15:47Then this must be hell.
15:48Alas!
15:49Spare my posterior!
15:51No, no, you're all right.
15:53It's England.
15:54And you are not Satan?
15:56No, I'm the Archbishop
15:58of Canterbury.
15:59Oh, your gracious,
16:00your grace.
16:01I have left all my lands
16:02to the church.
16:04Am I to be saved?
16:05No, you treacherous swine!
16:07I'll kill you!
16:08Wait, wait, wait!
16:09Wait, wait!
16:10Let's, let's just
16:11take this through
16:12in stages, shall we?
16:14Um, you know,
16:17the church
16:18doesn't really need
16:20your land.
16:20Now, what it makes
16:21is a damn good thrash-out!
16:23But if I do not
16:24gain its blessing,
16:25I will surely
16:26go to hell!
16:28Hell!
16:29We're tiny tweezers!
16:30Damn it!
16:33Someone like you
16:35go to hell?
16:36Never.
16:37Never!
16:38But I have committed
16:39many sins.
16:40Oh, haven't we all?
16:41Haven't we all?
16:41I murdered my father.
16:44I know how you feel.
16:46Hold on,
16:47hurry up,
16:48back, back!
16:49And I have
16:50committed adultery.
16:51Well, who hasn't?
16:53More than a thousand
16:54times.
16:55Well, it is 1487.
16:58With my mother.
16:59What?
17:00You see,
17:01I will go to hell.
17:04Hell!
17:04Where close
17:05like turnips
17:06go out
17:07with the nose
17:07in the ears!
17:08Kill that, Bishop!
17:11Well, let's take
17:14hell.
17:15You know,
17:16hell isn't as bad
17:17as it's cracked
17:18up to be.
17:19What?
17:20No, no, no, no.
17:21No, you see,
17:22the thing about
17:23heaven is that
17:24heaven is for
17:25people who like
17:26the sort of things
17:27that go on
17:28in heaven.
17:29Like, well,
17:30singing,
17:32talking to God,
17:33watering pot plants.
17:36Hell, on the other
17:37hand,
17:38is for people who
17:39like the other
17:40sorts of things.
17:41Adultery,
17:42pillage,
17:44torture,
17:45those areas.
17:48Really?
17:49Leave your lands
17:50to the crown
17:51and once you're
17:52dead,
17:53you'll have
17:53the time
17:53of your life.
17:54Adultery,
17:55pillage,
17:56through all
17:57eternity.
17:59Yep!
18:00This weapon
18:01of large sticks
18:02against your
18:02tender portions.
18:04Oh!
18:06Well,
18:06Reveney,
18:08more decision.
18:09Very well.
18:10I leave my lands
18:11to the crown
18:13and my soul
18:14in the hands
18:15of the Lord.
18:16May he treat me
18:18like the piece
18:18of refuse
18:19that I am
18:20and send me
18:21to hell.
18:23Amen!
18:24Amen!
18:24You're a very
18:25lucky man.
18:26I wish I could
18:27be coming with you,
18:28but, you know,
18:29being archbishop.
18:30I'm so sorry.
18:31No, no,
18:31it's all right.
18:32Ah!
18:32My son!
18:43Father!
18:45Father!
18:47My son!
18:52Who's that?
18:54Looked like the kind
18:55of peril would kill
18:56the archbishop of
18:57Canterbury to me.
18:58Typical.
19:00Hey, you
19:00tartish dog!
19:02You tartish pig!
19:05Father,
19:06it's me!
19:07Pax!
19:08Yes, of course.
19:09Sorry, Harry.
19:10You're improving.
19:11Yes.
19:11Well,
19:12thank you, Father.
19:13Good night, Mother.
19:16He's gaining on me.
19:18He's gaining on me!
19:20And how was Edmund?
19:22Oh, well, well,
19:23very well.
19:25Chiswick!
19:25Fresh horse!
19:27And how are
19:28his dear little sheep?
19:31Who's sheep?
19:32Edmund's sheep.
19:34What sheep?
19:36Well,
19:37the ones are
19:37Canterbury.
19:39His flock
19:39that he was
19:40talking about.
19:47I can't understand it.
19:49Edmund doesn't
19:50even like religion.
19:51That's impossible.
19:54He's the
19:54archbishop of
19:55Canterbury.
19:56Yes.
19:57And the
19:57archbishop of
19:58Canterbury
19:58is also
19:59a naughty
19:59little boy
20:00whose bottom
20:01I had to smack
20:02for relieving
20:03himself in default.
20:04That was
20:05a long time ago.
20:07It was
20:07last Thursday.
20:15Well,
20:16the boys
20:16turned out
20:17well.
20:17a long
20:20and healthy
20:21life to him.
20:22I thank God
20:31that in my
20:32lifetime
20:32never again
20:33shall I have
20:34to say
20:35who will
20:36rid me
20:36of this
20:37turbulent
20:37priest.
20:40And what
20:41is that?
20:42It's something
20:42that my
20:43ancestor
20:43Henry II
20:44once said
20:45when he was
20:45having trouble
20:46with Thomas
20:46Sir Beckett
20:47he was sitting
20:48at a table
20:48like this
20:49with two
20:49drunken
20:49knights
20:50and he
20:50yelled out
20:51who will
20:52rid me
20:53of this
20:53turbulent
20:53priest?
20:56What?
20:58Oh God
20:59save us.
21:00I said
21:01who will
21:02rid me
21:03of this
21:03turbulent
21:04priest?
21:05Meaning
21:06who?
21:06the
21:07Archbishop
21:08of
21:08Canterbury
21:09of course.
21:13Well
21:13they went
21:14straight off
21:14and killed
21:15him of course.
21:21Right
21:22now let's get
21:22down to
21:23business
21:23shall we?
21:24Business
21:24well
21:24yes
21:25we're
21:26looking at
21:26some of
21:26the ways
21:27we can
21:27actually
21:27make a
21:28bit of
21:28money
21:29on this
21:29job.
21:30Basically
21:31there appear
21:31to be
21:32four major
21:33profit areas
21:33curses
21:35pardons
21:36relics
21:36and
21:37selling
21:37the
21:38sexual
21:38favours
21:38of
21:38nuns.
21:39Selling
21:39the
21:40sexual
21:40favours
21:40of
21:40nuns?
21:41You mean
21:41some
21:41people
21:42actually
21:42pay
21:42for
21:43them?
21:43Foreign
21:43businessmen
21:44other
21:44nuns.
21:47Right
21:48well
21:48this is
21:49a fair
21:49selection
21:50basically
21:50you seem
21:51to get
21:51what you
21:51pay
21:51for.
21:52They
21:52run
21:53all the
21:53way
21:53from
21:53this
21:53one
21:54which
21:54is
21:54a
21:54pardon
21:54for
21:55talking
21:55with
21:55your
21:55mouthful
21:56signed
21:57by
21:57an
21:57apprentice
21:57curate
21:58in
21:58Tewksbury.
21:59How much
21:59is
22:00that?
22:00Two
22:00pebbles
22:00all the
22:02way up
22:02to
22:02this
22:03one
22:03which
22:04is
22:04a
22:04pardon
22:04for
22:04anything
22:05whatsoever
22:05including
22:06murder
22:06adultery
22:07or
22:07dismemberment
22:08of a
22:08close friend
22:09or relative
22:09who's
22:11that
22:11signed
22:11by
22:11both
22:12popes
22:13curses
22:15are
22:15pretty much
22:16the same
22:16really
22:16I've got
22:17this
22:17one
22:17for
22:17half
22:19an
22:19egg
22:19curse
22:21dear
22:21anyway
22:22I curse
22:23you
22:23and hope
22:24that
22:24something
22:24slightly
22:25unpleasant
22:25happens
22:26to
22:26you
22:26like
22:27an
22:27onion
22:27falling
22:28on
22:28your
22:28head
22:28well that
22:29is the
22:30bottom
22:30end
22:30of the
22:30market
22:31they run
22:31all the
22:32way
22:32to
22:32this
22:32one
22:32for
22:33four
22:33ducats
22:34dear
22:34enemy
22:34may
22:35the
22:35lord
22:35hate
22:36you
22:36and
22:36all
22:36your
22:36kind
22:37may
22:37you
22:37be
22:38turned
22:38orange
22:38in
22:39hue
22:39and
22:40may
22:40your
22:41head
22:41fall
22:41off
22:42at
22:42an
22:42awkward
22:42moment
22:43does
22:45this
22:45work
22:45yes
22:46really
22:47no
22:47moving on
22:51to relics
22:52we've got
22:52shrouds
22:53from
22:54Turin
22:55wine
22:57from the
22:58wedding
22:58at
22:58Cana
22:59splinters
23:00from the
23:01cross
23:01and of
23:02course
23:02there's
23:03stuff
23:04made by
23:04Jesus
23:05in his
23:05days
23:05in the
23:06carpentry
23:06shop
23:06pipe racks
23:09coffee
23:09tables
23:10cake
23:10stands
23:11bookends
23:12crucifixes
23:15nice
23:16cheese
23:17board
23:17food
23:18bowls
23:19waterproof
23:19sandals
23:21I haven't
23:22finished this
23:23one yet
23:23but is it
23:24disgraceful
23:25my lord
23:25all of these
23:26are obviously
23:26fake
23:27yes
23:27but how will
23:29people be able
23:30to tell the
23:30difference between
23:31these and the
23:31real relics
23:32but they won't
23:33that's the point
23:34well you won't be
23:35able to fool
23:36everyone
23:36look
23:38I have here
23:41a true relic
23:44what is it
23:45it is a bone
23:47from the finger
23:49of our lord
23:50it cost me
23:5231 pieces
23:53of silver
23:53good lord
23:55is it real
23:56it is my lord
23:57baldrick you stand
24:00amazed
24:00ah
24:01I thought they
24:02only came in
24:03boxes of ten
24:03fingers are really
24:09big at the
24:09moment
24:09mind you
24:10for a really
24:11quick sale
24:11you can't beat
24:12a nose
24:13for instance
24:14this is the
24:14sacred appendage
24:15compendium
24:16party pack
24:17you get
24:18Jesus's nose
24:19St. Peter's nose
24:21a couple of
24:22St. Francis's nose
24:23and er
24:25oh no
24:25they're Jonah
24:26lark's
24:26bastard
24:28Virgil
24:29I'll show him
24:30I'll show him
24:35Heyo
24:39Heyo
24:40and er
24:41and what can I
24:43do for you
24:43well
24:44we're here
24:45to murder
24:46the archbishop
24:47of Canterbury
24:48there is
24:49enemies
24:50yes
24:51we fear
24:52he may be
24:53in danger
24:54really
24:55how
24:55well let me
24:57see
24:57perhaps
24:58good king
24:59Richard
24:59angry with
25:00the archbishop
25:01for some reason
25:01might well
25:03send two
25:03drunken knights
25:05freshly returned
25:06from the crusade
25:07on a mission
25:08to weak
25:09vengeance
25:10on him
25:11that's a good
25:12point
25:12it has happened
25:13before
25:14quite
25:14yes
25:15I'm sorry
25:16I didn't quite
25:17catch your names
25:18George
25:19how do you do
25:21just in the
25:23boy now
25:23two drunken
25:25knights
25:26first returned
25:26from the crusades
25:27and here on a mission
25:28for good king
25:29Richard
25:29god bless
25:30and your mission
25:32well as I said
25:34we're here to
25:35kill
25:36a bit of time
25:37before our next crusade
25:41oh
25:41well I'll just go and get him
25:44ah
25:47baldrick
25:48couple of knights
25:49here to see
25:50the archbishop
25:51oh my god
25:52monks
25:57my lord
25:59I've got something
26:00to say
26:00it's the one
26:02about the nuns
26:03of Uppingham
26:04and the
26:04candelabra
26:05don't bother
26:05I've heard it
26:06no the fact is
26:07there's two men
26:08outside
26:08who've come
26:09to kill you
26:09I'm terribly sorry
26:16about this
26:16I'll just see
26:17what the delay is
26:19what's going on
26:23these two men
26:23have come to kill us
26:24oh come on
26:25honestly
26:26baldrick
26:26just because a couple
26:27of people have a bit
26:28of breeding
26:28you assume they're
26:29bound to be
26:30mindless killers
26:31oh my god
26:32there's no way
26:33out
26:34help
26:35oh my god
26:38help
26:38they've dropped off
26:54madame they must have
27:05gone down the secret
27:07passage to the nunnery
27:08little sisters of
27:21indolence
27:22three men came in
27:23which way did they
27:24go
27:24I think they went
27:27that way
27:28god bless you
27:30wait
27:33they'll be watching
27:36out for us
27:36dressed like this
27:37quick
27:38in here
27:39great sister
27:55have you seen
27:56two burly nights
27:57pass this way
27:58no sister
28:00why don't you try
28:06that way
28:07thank you very much
28:08you're welcome
28:09and yet mother superior
28:18does not saint paul say
28:21in the effusions
28:21a woman is like a bat
28:24often heard
28:27but never seen
28:28no I don't think so
28:30sarah
28:31shall we check
28:33the dormitory
28:34oh yes mother superior
28:36what a good idea
28:37girls
28:44girls
28:45girls
28:46if I told you once
28:48I told you a thousand times
28:49fighting in the dormitory
28:50is completely forbidden
28:52who is the ringleader here
28:54you
28:55yes you
28:56the plane girl
28:57oh my god
29:02it's the archbishop
29:03of canterbury
29:04canterbury
29:07I think I can explain
29:12and that sweet lady
29:16is the whole story
29:18let us go over the facts again
29:20having been appointed
29:21archbishop
29:22you found that all your interests
29:24lay in the beauty
29:25of your vestments
29:26ah the fine embroidery
29:27unable to resist
29:29the slide into depravity
29:31you began to dress up
29:33in the habit of a nun
29:34I could not resist
29:35the texture
29:36of the hessian
29:37under things
29:38oh I can understand that
29:39then you forced
29:41the bishop of ramsgate
29:43and one brother
29:44baldy to do so also
29:45oh may I be cursed
29:47for it
29:48and finally
29:49you got two knights
29:51drunk
29:51and invited them
29:52to come and wrestle
29:53with you
29:53inside the nunny
29:54in an orgy
29:55of heathen
29:56to verse it
29:56and I must therefore tell you
30:03that this morning
30:03I have written urgently
30:05to all three popes
30:06recommending your
30:07immediate excommunication
30:08never more may you
30:10be archbishop
30:11of canterbury
30:12oh dear
30:13that's enough
30:15sister sign
30:16I think he's learnt
30:17his lesson
30:17sorry
30:19and meet thy doom
30:25and meet thy doom
30:25not a fire
30:39but I know
30:39I've heard
30:40you
30:41can't
30:41I know
30:42and me
30:42I know
30:44Quick! The nunnery's on fire!
31:00The sound of hoofbeats crossed the glade
31:05Good folk, lock up your son and daughter
31:09Beware the deadly flashing blade
31:13Unless you want to end up shorter
31:17Blackadder, Blackadder
31:21He rides a pitch-black steed
31:25Blackadder, Blackadder
31:29He's very bad indeed
31:33Black, his glove's the finest mole
31:37Black, his codpiece made of metal
31:41His horse is blacker than a vole
31:45His pot is blacker than his cattle
31:49Blackadder, Blackadder
31:53With many a cunning plan
31:57Blackadder, Blackadder
32:01You are a little man
32:05Alas, the corruption of the world
32:08Yes, alas, Mother Superior
32:10I'm tired and weary. You may leave me now.
32:14Very well.
32:15Alas
32:16So presumably you won't be needing the unicorn tonight?
32:20No, no, not tonight, sir
32:23Oh, my God.
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