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WyethLogic
#rowanatkinson #comedy #mrbean
Transcript
00:01History has known many great liars.
00:05Copernicus, Goebbels, St. Ralph the Liar.
00:10But there have been none quite so vile as the Tudor king, Henry VII.
00:15It was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III,
00:21as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the tower.
00:25But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man who cherished his young wards.
00:35In particular, Richard, Duke of York, who grew into a big, strong boy.
00:42Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field and killed Richard III.
00:48Again, the truth is very different.
00:51For it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field
00:55and reigned for 13 glorious years.
00:58As for who really killed Richard III
01:01and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life,
01:04all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never before told,
01:08the history of the Blackadder.
01:11The Blackadder.
01:12The Blackadder.
01:13The Blackadder.
01:14The Blackadder.
01:15Harley!
01:16The Blackadder.
01:17I feast at
01:17him andchutz.
01:18What am I of,
01:31all have heard?
01:33Am I,
01:35theist love woman?
01:36Oh, 읎ist father.
01:39I acted very weird again.
02:12Silence! Silence of the King.
02:21Now is the summer of our sweet content, made o'er cast winter by these cuter clouds.
02:30And I that am not shaked for black-faced war.
02:35I that am rudely cast and want true majesty.
02:42I am forced to set sweet England free.
02:49I pray to heaven we farewell.
02:52And all who fight us, go to hell.
02:57Hooray! Absolutely! Hooray!
02:59I know not, my lord. I'll ask my son.
03:08Harry! Who is that?
03:11It is your other son, my lord.
03:13It is my other son, my lord.
03:15Fight with us on the morrow.
03:17Well, well, well.
03:19What's his name?
03:21Edmund.
03:23Edmund!
03:24Fight you with us on the morrow!
03:27Oh, goodness, no.
03:29No, I thought I'd fight with the enemy.
03:31You're not putting him anywhere near me, are you?
03:42No, no, no, uncle. He'll be somewhere amongst the grapple.
03:45Oh, arrow fodder.
03:47Precisely.
03:48Yes.
03:49Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:51What a little bird.
03:55Percy!
03:56Do you see how the king picks me out for special greeting?
03:59No, my lord.
04:01I saw it, my lord.
04:03Ah.
04:04And what is your name, little fellow?
04:06My name is Baldrick, my lord.
04:08Ah.
04:09Then I shall call you...
04:11Baldrick.
04:12And I shall call you my lord, my lord.
04:16I like the cut of your jib, young fellow, my lad.
04:20How would you like to be my squire in the battle tomorrow?
04:22It will be a great day tomorrow for we nobles.
04:27Well, not if we lose, Percy.
04:29If we lose, I'll be chopped to pieces.
04:32My arms will end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk,
04:35and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland.
04:38What the hell, my lord, we cannot lose.
04:42Well, we could if we wanted to.
04:45But we won't, Percy.
04:47And I shall prove to all that I am a man.
04:50No, but you are a man, my lord.
04:53But how shall it be proved, Percy?
04:56Well, they could look up that tree in Rutland.
05:00It shall be proved by mine enemies rushing to the water closet in terror.
05:04Hooray!
05:05Hooray!
05:06Come, a toast.
05:07Let all those who go to don armour tomorrow
05:10remember to go before they don armour tomorrow.
05:14Hooray!
05:15Already I can hear the sound of battle ringing in my ears.
05:23Once more unto the breach, dear friends,
05:28once more
05:29consign their parts most private
05:32to a Rutland tree.
05:36Let blood, blood, blood
05:39be your motto.
05:42Slid their gizzards.
05:43Now, I'm afraid there's going to have to be a certain amount of
05:51violence.
05:53But at least we know it's all in a good cause,
05:58don't we?
05:59And gentlemen in London still abed
06:04shall think themselves accursed they were not here
06:07and hold their manhood cheap
06:11while others speak
06:13of those who fought with us
06:16on Ralph the Liar's Day!
06:19let's go together, let's go together.
06:21Let's go together.
06:22Oh
06:41Mother what do you want? Did you want to go to the bathroom this morning?
06:52I said 11 o'clock
07:02What is it?
07:04Where is this battle then?
07:06Oh smack old Bosworth Field
07:14Damn it, damn it
07:16The most decent battle since I've reached puberty
07:19We are my lord
07:23Onward Baldrick, to glory
07:37Yes, I'm not so sure when needed you know Baldrick
07:41I mean everything seems to be going very well, isn't it?
07:45Everyone's fighting
07:47Clearly having the time of their lives
07:51Some people over there aren't fighting
07:53They're just lying down
07:55They're dead my lord
07:59I knew I'd found something
08:01Will you excuse me a moment, Baldrick?
08:05Your Majesty
08:07You've lost your steed
08:09Tent mine
08:11No, no, no
08:13I've won the battle
08:15I've saved the kingdom
08:17I think I can find myself a horse
08:19True, my noble lord
08:21I'll see you back at the castle
08:23So be it
08:25A horse
08:27A horse
08:29A horse
08:31A horse
08:33A horse
08:35A horse
08:37My kingdom
08:39A horse
08:41Ah
08:43Awesome
08:58Aussie
09:03That's my horse
09:07That'll catch you
09:09That'll teach you.
09:15You won't be doing that again, now will you?
09:21Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard.
09:29What's up, my lord?
09:35Oh, dear, Richard the third.
09:39What are you going to do?
09:41Oh, quick, quick.
09:50Come there, come there.
10:00My lord, come up there.
10:04Come on, dear.
10:09No!
10:19Come on, come on.
10:21Will you wait? Will you wait?
10:24Oh, well done.
10:25Oh, so nervous.
10:27Oh.
10:31Where's the head?
10:33Oh, Baldrick, I can't be expected to carry everything.
10:41Percy, you brainless son of a prostitute. Where have you been?
10:45I've just proved that I'm a man.
10:48Look what I found.
10:50Oh, thank God.
10:51Quick, Percy, quick.
10:52Put it down and let's get out of here.
10:54No, no, no, no. I found it. It's mine.
10:56What do you mean it's yours?
10:58I'm going to use it to prove that I killed a nobleman.
11:01And which nobleman, pray?
11:03Oh.
11:06Well, it's the king, actually.
11:16Hey, quick.
11:18Lost.
11:20All is lost.
11:22What?
11:23Flee.
11:24Oh, my God, quick.
11:25Let's get out of here.
11:26Take me with you.
11:28Get your hands off.
11:29If you leave me alone here, I'll die.
11:33If you don't leave me alone, I'll kill you myself.
11:36Now, leave him here. Come on.
11:37I'll give you money.
11:40Ten thousand sovereigns.
11:51Mother!
11:52Edmund, dear.
11:53How did he go?
11:55Within seconds, Henry Tudor will be here at our gates.
11:58Oh, but, Edmund, I'm not ready.
12:00I haven't had a bath or anything.
12:02Mother, Henry is our enemy.
12:04When his men get here, they'll brutally ravish you
12:07and every woman in the castle.
12:09Oh, well, I shan't bother to change, then.
12:13Lord!
12:14What do you want?
12:16Listen!
12:19Oh, my God.
12:20They're here already!
12:22Run for your lives!
12:23Run for the hills!
12:24No, my Lord, they're coming from the hills.
12:27Sorry!
12:28Run away from the hills!
12:29Run away from the hills!
12:30Run away from the hills!
12:31If you see the hills, run the other way!
12:34No, my Lord, it's all right.
12:35They're flying the banners of our King Richard.
12:37What's impossible?
12:38He's dead, isn't he?
12:39King Richard dead?
12:41Hmm.
12:42Yes.
12:43Ah.
12:44God knows how.
12:46Oh, dear.
12:47That's really upset the tulip cart.
12:48Those flags, Percy, are obviously just a cunning trick
12:50to deceive us into staying.
12:51No, my Lord, I don't think it is a cunning trick.
12:52Well, no, it's not a particularly cunning trick.
12:53We can be seen through it.
12:54Well, they obviously thought it was cunning when they thought it out.
12:55No, no, you're bothered.
12:56What do you mean, my Lord?
12:57I don't think it is a cunning trick.
12:58No, my Lord, I don't think it is a cunning trick.
12:59Well, no, it's not a particularly cunning trick.
13:00We can be seen through it.
13:01Well, they obviously thought it was cunning when they thought it out.
13:03No, you're bothered.
13:04What do you mean, my Lord?
13:05I don't think they didn't think it out.
13:06What, do you think someone else thought it out
13:07and they borrowed it for the occasion?
13:08No, my Lord, I don't think it's a trick at all.
13:10You don't think riding up to a castle under someone else's banner
13:13is a trick?
13:14Well, no, I suppose it isn't.
13:16Ah!
13:20It's only your father.
13:22Hold on that bloody door!
13:25Richard, it's you.
13:26Well, who do you expect it to be, woman?
13:29I thought it would be Henry Tulip.
13:31Henry Tulip?
13:33Have you lost your conkers?
13:36So you won?
13:37Yes, of course!
13:38We won!
13:39We won!
13:40We won!
13:41Victory!
13:42Yay!
13:44So, I suppose now you want to ravish me.
13:48Richard, in a moment.
13:51Woman's insatiable.
13:52Three cheers for good King Richard!
13:56Hop, hop!
13:57Huzzah!
13:58Hop, hop!
13:59Huzzah!
14:00Hop, hop!
14:01Huzzah!
14:02Huzzah!
14:03Huzzah!
14:04All we need now is good King Richard to be here
14:06and the day shall be complete!
14:09Oh, yes.
14:10What a pity he's dead.
14:14What?
14:15Well, who told you that?
14:17Well, Edward.
14:18Is this true?
14:22Well, I wouldn't know really.
14:26I was nowhere near him at the time.
14:29I just heard from someone that he'd...
14:32I mean, I don't even know where he was killed.
14:35I was completely on the opposite side of the field.
14:37I was nowhere near the cottage.
14:39Not that it was a cottage.
14:41It was a river.
14:43But that I wouldn't know, of course.
14:45Because I wasn't there.
14:46But, apparently, some fool cut his head off.
14:49Or at least, killed him in some way, but...
14:52took an air off or something.
14:53Yes, yes, in fact, I think he was only wounded.
14:56Ah.
14:57Or was that somebody else?
14:59Yes, I think it was.
15:00Well, he wasn't even wounded.
15:02Why did someone say he was dead?
15:04Yes.
15:05What?
15:06It's true, my lord.
15:08I stumbled on his body myself.
15:10Oh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of earth.
15:14That's enough of that.
15:17Thank you, Harry.
15:18Thank you, Harry.
15:19Thank you, Harry.
15:20Thank you, Harry.
15:21Yes.
15:23And we all know who did this dreadful deed.
15:27Don't we?
15:32Yes.
15:33Henry Tudor.
15:34Yes.
15:35And he still runs free.
15:36Harry.
15:37Call for silence.
15:38Silence.
15:39For the king.
15:40Long live King Richard IV.
15:43This day has been as t'were.
15:44A mighty stew in which the beef of victory was mixed with a vile turd.
15:49turnip of sweet Richard slain, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
15:52But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
15:53But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
15:54But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of sweet Richard slain, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
15:55But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie.
15:56The yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of sweet Richard slain, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
15:57But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of sweet Richard slain.
15:58Long live King Richard IV.
16:03This day has been as t'were.
16:06A mighty stew in which the beef of victory was mixed with a vile turnip of sweet Richard slain, and the grisly dumpling of his killer fled.
16:18But we must eat the yellow wobbly pie, and the grisly dumpling of sweet Richard slain.
16:23What serves?
16:24In life, each man gets what he deserves.
16:30Well, come on.
16:33Let's go and kill some more prisoners.
16:35Huzzah!
16:36Huzzah!
16:37Huzzah!
16:38Huzzah!
16:39Huzzah!
16:40Huzzah!
16:41Huzzah!
16:50Hooray!
16:51We're safe!
16:52And I am a prince of the realm!
16:55Hup-hup!
16:56Huzzah!
16:57Huzzah!
16:58Huzzah!
16:59Can you imagine the power?
17:01Huzzah!
17:02All ours!
17:03What?
17:04Yours!
17:05All yours!
17:06Yours!
17:07Ah, Edmund, there you are.
17:09Now, I know it's a little early, but I'd just like to get these battle averages sorted out.
17:15Now then, who did you kill today?
17:17No one.
17:18No one?
17:19No one?
17:20Oh, dear.
17:21Right.
17:22I'll put you down for a duck, then.
17:23Which, I'm afraid, takes you out of the running for the Legion of Honor.
17:27Oh, I see.
17:28Sorry.
17:29Sorry.
17:30I thought you meant had I killed King Richard.
17:32What?
17:33What?
17:34What?
17:35Was the question.
17:36Who did you kill today?
17:37Oh, I see.
17:38Ah, right.
17:39Ah, let's see here.
17:40Um...
17:41Pedant.
17:42What?
17:43Pleasant.
17:44Pedant.
17:45Pe...
17:46Pe...
17:47Peasants.
17:48Peasants!
17:49Peasants!
17:50There are a lot of peasants!
17:51But they don't really count, do they?
17:52Only in the event of a tie.
17:54Nevertheless, how do you kill?
17:55What?
17:56What?
17:57What?
17:58What?
17:59What?
18:00What?
18:01What?
18:02What?
18:03What?
18:04What?
18:05The event of a tie.
18:06Nevertheless, how many did you kill?
18:08Oh, wow.
18:10Four.
18:11Four.
18:12Hundred.
18:13Hundred.
18:14Four hundred.
18:15Four.
18:16Hundred.
18:17Four.
18:18Hundred.
18:19Hundred.
18:20Hundred.
18:21Fifty.
18:22Four hundred and fifty.
18:24Good Lord!
18:25That's three times more than myself.
18:26Yes.
18:27Well, I had a couple of lucky breaks.
18:28Any nobles?
18:30Ah, now, let me see, nobles.
18:32Um, I think, uh, Lord Covenant.
18:34Lord Coverdale who fought on our side, I believe
18:38Yes, I think Lord Coverdale saw me slaying
18:44Warwick Warwick the wild of Leicester. Yes, that's him. I'm pretty wild. He was too
18:49Took some finishing off. I can tell you. Yes indeed. I killed him myself at one point
18:53It's trying to put names to faces. Yes. Well, this is the list of the lords as yet unaccounted for
19:07Roger to run see out there. I see. Yes. He was one of mine. Yes Lord Thomas of Devon. Yes, backslash
19:15It's groin job
19:17Remarkable
19:19Remarkable oh and the bishop of Bath and well. Yes. We'll never walk again. We'll conduct the thanksgiving
19:29And well ah
19:32Lord Percy
19:34Edmund tells me that you managed to turn up late for the battle, so there's not much point in asking you your score is there
19:47That last I can relax
19:54Who the hell is this
19:57Well you remember that dying man, we saw in the cottage the one I specifically told you've got to bring back to the castle under any
20:04Circumstances hmm. Yes, that's the one. Yes, so what is he doing in my bed?
20:09Well, he claims to be a wealthy man. I thought if we nurse him back to health
20:14he may reward us no wait I think if he is a wealthy man and we nurse him back to
20:23health he may reward us well what would you expect after all who has the fastest
20:38brain in the land Prince Edmund Duke of Edinburgh who is the boldest horseman in
20:44the land Prince Edmund Duke of Edinburgh who is the bravest swordsman in the
20:50last oh don't tell me that's it all from Norfolk or as I shall be known from now
21:00on the black vegetable wouldn't something like the black adder sound better no wait
21:15I think I have a better idea what's about the black adder
21:30that's what
21:32that's what
21:45you're certainly wittier than your father my lord and head and shoulders over Richard the third
22:07that was an example of the sort of thing that you yourself would not scoop to go away
22:37now you're still here are you yes
22:50wait a minute haven't I seen you somewhere before
22:54I don't know I feel that I've seen you before also well I am Prince Edmund son of Richard the fourth
23:05in fact why who are you well I'm not important not important you mean not rich
23:11oh yes yes I'm incredibly rich I'm I'm a very wealthy modest person who wishes to
23:20remain nameless well you'd better be rich get your money together get better and
23:25get out of my bed and get out of my bed is that clear
23:27oh yes very fetching
23:37oh yes very fetching
23:39oh
23:40and hello to you
23:46hello hello oh goodness me I hadn't expected to see you
23:56like this sitting down you mean
24:00yes yes that's right sitting down
24:03goodness look look you're sitting down
24:06yes
24:07I haven't seen you sitting down since yesterday
24:13was it only yesterday good lord
24:16well how was your battle
24:23fine somebody cut my head off at one point but otherwise everything went swimmingly
24:27how are you Edna
24:29Edmund
24:30oh your father told me Edna
24:32no no
24:33so Edna you loathsome little fairy maggot
24:37how are you
24:38oh how how very very kind of you to ask
24:40um your majesty
24:41I'm very well
24:43and uh
24:44and it's very good to see you
24:46because
24:47frankly
24:48yes
24:49well
24:50well
24:50well frankly
24:51uh
24:52gosh you look well
24:54frankly what spit it out you horrid little scabby reptile
24:59uh
25:00well frankly
25:02everyone thought you were dead
25:06well frankly
25:07I am
25:08do come in
25:13no don't come in
25:15why not
25:16have you got someone in there with you
25:18um
25:19not
25:20as such
25:21is it a woman
25:23no
25:24is it a man
25:25um
25:30um
25:31yes
25:32yes it is
25:33you hesitated Edmund
25:36it's not a sheep is it
25:38yes it is not a sheep
25:40well then let me in
25:42so farewell Edna
25:44you'll be seeing me later
25:50um
25:51have uh
25:52have you got
25:53transport
25:54um
25:56perhaps you'd like
25:57to borrow my horse again
25:58oh
25:59or at all
26:00I mean not that you've borrowed it before
26:04coming
26:11are you alright Edmund
26:14oh you look as if you've just seen a ghost
26:17he is
26:18hurry up anyway
26:19you're expected at the banquet
26:21um
26:22look um
26:23brother
26:24uh
26:25you won't
26:26tell anyone about my oversleeping
26:27uh this morning and
26:28and
26:29what have you
26:30now will you
26:31now would I Edmund
26:32do I tell people that your brother Harry is scared of spoons
26:35or that your father has very small private parts
26:38who
26:41oh
26:42mother
26:43me
26:44me
26:45me
26:46me
26:47oh
26:48Edmund
26:50that's the lying I find so hurtful
26:52look so hurtful
27:06Love you
27:08Jessica
27:09me
27:10Hold! You dare sit there, boy?
27:13That was King Richard's seat. Would you insult his ghost?
27:18Um, no. No, sorry.
27:22Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle.
27:34How many prisoners have you got, Harry?
27:36I'm not Harry, I'm Richard.
27:38You send a brace to my room, will you?
27:41Very well, do you want them, Harry?
27:42No, fresh ones, I want to practice my backhand.
27:45Oh, I don't think you need to, the way you slaughtered Lord Stanley.
27:50Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here.
27:54Don't Dickie me, ducky.
28:01Tonight, honoured friends,
28:04we are gathered to celebrate a great victory
28:07and to mourn a great loss.
28:11A toast to our triumph, our triumph.
28:16And I raise our royal cast
28:19upon the man who slew Richard,
28:21our noble king.
28:23It was him.
28:26Oh, my God!
28:27Quiet at the end there!
28:29Whoever it was!
28:30It was him, Edna!
28:32Wherever he be!
28:33He's down there at the end!
28:34He shall be struck down!
28:36Well, then get on with it, you stupid oaf!
28:38He's there!
28:39It wasn't me!
28:40Who said that?
28:41The idiot who killed me this afternoon!
28:43I didn't!
28:44Well, then, who did?
28:45It was actually Edmund who interrupted, sire.
28:48Hang the little slug!
28:50I will have silence!
28:55Another toast!
28:56To dead King Richard!
28:59Oh, my God!
29:01Gentlemen!
29:03Thank you, sir!
29:05Thank you all!
29:06Thank you very much for nothing!
29:09Thank you so much!
29:10That's the last you'll be seeing of me!
29:13Not that you've seen much of me in any...
29:15Now that we have silence,
29:20we shall continue with the ceremony of desecration.
29:25Produce the portrait of the pretender Henry Tudor.
29:37Oh, my God!
29:38Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:39Oh!
29:40Oh!
29:40Oh!
29:40Oh!
29:40Oh!
29:41Oh!
29:41Oh!
29:42Oh!
29:42Oh!
29:42Oh!
29:42Oh!
29:42Oh!
29:43Oh!
29:43Oh!
29:43Oh!
29:43Oh!
29:45Oh!
29:46Oh!
29:47Oh!
29:48Oh!
29:49Oh!
29:50Oh!
29:51Oh!
29:52Oh!
29:53Oh!
29:54Oh!
29:55Oh!
29:56Oh!
29:57Oh!
29:58Oh!
29:59Oh!
30:00Oh!
30:01Oh!
30:02Oh!
30:03Oh!
30:04Oh!
30:05Oh!
30:06Oh!
30:07Oh!
30:08Oh!
30:09Oh!
30:10Oh!
30:11Oh!
30:12Oh!
30:13Oh!
30:14Oh!
30:15Thank you, thank you, sir.
30:45Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
31:15Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
31:45Thank you, thank you, thank you.
31:47Thank you, thank you.
32:00Oh, lock up your son and daughter
32:03Beware the deadly flashing blade
32:07Unless you want to end up shorter
32:11Blackadder, Blackadder
32:15He rides a pitch black steed
32:19Blackadder, Blackadder
32:23He's very bad indeed
32:28Black, his glove's the finest mole
32:31Black, his cot piece made of metal
32:36His horse is blacker than a bowl
32:40His pot is blacker than his kettle
32:44Blackadder, Blackadder
32:48With many a cunning plan
32:51Blackadder, Blackadder
32:56You horrid little man
33:00He wasn't as I expected him
33:04I thought he was very rude
33:06I thought Henry Tudor would be better looking
33:10Yes, not so Jewish
33:13More like that man who rode by just before
33:16Oh
33:18Don't get away
33:21I don't know
33:22Silly weep
33:23Oh!
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