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WyethLogic
#rowanatkinson #comedy #mrbean
Transcript
00:00The Blackadder
00:30The Blackadder
01:00England, 1498
01:02St. Juniper's Day
01:04The day on which the king would lavish new honours upon his kinfolk
01:08St. Juniper once said
01:10By his loins shall ye know him
01:13And by the length of his rod shall he be measured
01:16The length of my rod is a mystery to all but the queen and a thousand Turkish whores
01:24But the fruits of my loins are here for all to see
01:30I have two sons
01:32Harry and another one
01:36Step forward Harry
01:38Prince of Wales
01:41Harry
01:50I hereby name thee
01:52Captain of the Guard
01:54Grand Warden of the Northern and Eastern Marchers
01:57Chief Lunatic of the Duchy of Gloucester
02:00Viceroy of Wales
02:02Sheriff of Nottingham
02:03Marcus of the Midlands
02:04Lord Poemaker in Ordinary
02:07And Harbinger of the Doomed Rat
02:10Step forward
02:15The other one
02:16Now thy titles have been but few
02:30Duke of Edinburgh and Warden of the Royal Privy
02:33So my lord
02:34Now we thank thee Egbert for thy work in Edinburgh
02:36Know now
02:38But we do relieve thee of thy heavy task
02:40And give the dukedom to our loyal cousin Hastings
02:43Many half returns Tom
02:45Thus
02:46Am I discharged the duties of Juniper
02:49Chiswick
02:50Fresh horses
02:51We ride at once to rebellious stoke
02:54When it is my sworn intent
02:56To approach the city walls
02:58Bear my broad buttocks
03:00And shout
03:01Behold
03:02I honour thee
03:04Most highly
03:05Well
03:20It could have been worse my lord
03:22There was a moment there
03:23I thought you were going to lose the privies
03:24No
03:25It will not
03:28No
03:29No my lord you're right
03:31It won't
03:32I must clear away the chaff from my knife
03:35And let shine forth the true wheat of greatness
03:39Do it at once my lord
03:41Pretty well
03:41Percy
03:42You are dismissed from my service
03:44Me?
03:45Me?
03:45Why?
03:46Because Percy
03:48Far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm
03:52You would bore the leggings off a village idiot
03:56You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would
04:01Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly
04:07And the part of you that can't be mentioned
04:10I'm reliably informed by women around the court
04:13Wouldn't be worth mentioning
04:14Even if it could be
04:15If you put on a floppy hat and a furry codpiece
04:19You might just get by as a fool
04:22But since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a hair cut
04:26I doubt it
04:27That is why you're dismissed
04:29Oh, I see
04:32And as for you, Maldrick
04:33My lord
04:34You're out too
04:35Fair enough
04:37Fair enough
04:37Well, I expect you'll go back to shoveling dung in the gutter where I found you
04:46No, I shouldn't think so
04:47No
04:49No, it took me years to get that job
04:51I'll probably be back milking pigs or mucking out the lepers or something
04:55Oh, really?
04:56Yeah, it'll be years before I get back to shoveling dung again
04:59It's out of my way
05:11It's going on a journey, my lord
05:13No, I thought I'd stand here all day and talk to you
05:16You've been needing someone to tend your horse then
05:19No, and even if I did, I wouldn't take you
05:21I mean, look at you
05:22What is your profession?
05:24God, a retired Morris dancer
05:37That's all I need
05:39Well, if you can keep up, you can come
05:42Here he comes now
06:02So, Sir Wilfred Depp
06:10Your tyranny is now at an end
06:13Prepare to be strung by your codlings on the bough of that tree
06:18So, Wilfred Death
06:39Edmund
06:40I'm looking for some men to take over the kingdom
06:51How many have you got so far?
06:53So, we are agreed
07:05He who wins
07:07Takes yours
07:09There is our mark
07:13You shoot first
07:15Yeah
07:21That's good
07:23So good, in fact
07:25I'm going to have to
07:28Cheat
07:33Good evening
07:45And surrender
07:47Your money or your life
07:49Here, take it
07:52It's all the money I have
07:55Thank you
07:56Now, let me pass
08:00I'm always doing this
08:03Did I say your money or your life?
08:08You did
08:08Sorry
08:09Slip of the tongue
08:11Your money and your life
08:14Thanks, Ned
08:22See you Thursday
08:23Guy
08:28Wilfred
08:28Now, what we need
08:31Is a real bastard
08:34Sean
08:36The Irish bastard
08:38Pity the blind, sir
08:51Pity the blind, kind sir
08:54Beer
09:08Business is very quiet this morning
09:10Aye, everyone's gone to lunch, I think
09:13Sure
09:18Sure
09:19I see her greatly for her chastity
09:31Alas, such is the way of the world
09:34The sweetest rose too often is
09:37Plucked too soon
09:39Yes
09:41I wondered if
09:43You would take her while I'm gone
09:45Yes
09:48The answer is yes
09:50I shall
09:52Friar Bellows
10:01Doing the Lord's work
10:04I'm just administering extreme action
10:08So, who shall be our seventh?
10:13Wilfred?
10:14Why, need I say
10:16Jack
10:17Not mad bully boy, Jack
10:22A grave-robbing assassin of Aldrich
10:24No
10:25Then, crazed animal, Jack
10:28The kettle-rostling cannibal
10:30From sudden coffee
10:31Ha ha
10:32No
10:33Then, your man
10:34Sane Jack O'Hooligan
10:36The man-hatin' goat murderer
10:39Of Dingle Bay
10:40Sir
10:41Surely not
10:42Canon Jack Smollett
10:43Senior arse deacon
10:45Of the diocese of St. Botan
10:46The entry-leasing heretic
10:47Of Barton Wells
10:48I'm talking of
10:52Unspeakably violent, Jack
10:54The bull-buggering
10:57Beast killer
10:58Of her fixed world
10:59Are you sure
11:07He's the kind of chap
11:08We're looking for
11:09Yes
11:09And here he comes
11:13What do you think you're doing?
11:23Are you with us, Jack?
11:25No
11:26So I kissed her on her left foot
11:38So I kissed her on her left foot
11:51Tell me, Jack, what is your second name?
11:59Large, Jack, large
12:00Then in our band
12:02You shall be known as
12:03Large Jack
12:04Why?
12:08Well
12:09Because you are so little
12:11Why not little Jack, then?
12:14Well, because
12:15Large Jack is more amusing
12:17Is it?
12:20Very well, then
12:21Little Jack
12:22You must have mocked my size
12:26No, no, no, no, no
12:28No, of course not
12:29I'm in, Keeper
12:30Some more beer
12:31Hooray
12:31Six large beers
12:34And
12:35And another large beer
12:37Let us then go on to
12:40The plan
12:41A motto for our enterprise
12:45Blessed are the meek
12:48For they shall be slaughtered
12:51Oh, wait, wait
12:53Wait, the plan
12:54You've forgotten the plan
12:56I thought that was the plan
12:57Let's get those meek bastards now
13:00Quiet
13:01Who wants quiet?
13:06I want
13:07Chaos
13:08And slaughtered
13:11Flowers
13:14What?
13:17Mercilessly crushed underfoot
13:19I want
13:21Silence
13:22Silence
13:22Peace
13:24The word of the Lord
13:26For Christ's sake
13:28Let's hear the plan
13:29Very well
13:31The plan is simple
13:32I thought it was cunning
13:34Go with the plan
13:35Well, it's cunning
13:36And it's simplest
13:38Tonight
13:41I ride for home
13:42I say strike now
13:44While the iron is hot
13:45But the iron isn't hot
13:47Isn't it?
13:48No, it's just
13:49Warming up
13:50But when it is hot
13:52Then we will strike
13:54What?
13:55Oh, we're gonna have to wait till summer
13:57Then when the iron is hot
14:00What iron?
14:02Well, then
14:03Howie Howard agreed
14:03I shall send for you all
14:05How?
14:06Well, by a message
14:07A sign
14:08What sort of sign?
14:10Well, um
14:11Something black
14:13Probably
14:13Black pudding
14:15Right
14:17A messenger
14:19With the black plague
14:21Perhaps
14:21Yes, that's right
14:22He means to kill us
14:24What?
14:26A messenger
14:26With black
14:28Hair
14:29Ah
14:30A black-headed messenger
14:33And when he comes to you
14:36Drop whatever you are doing
14:38And speed with all haste
14:39To Jasper's tavern
14:41Hooray!
14:42I know it well
14:43How is old Jasper these days?
14:45Dead
14:45How?
14:46I killed him
14:46Hooray!
14:47Hooray!
14:47Hooray!
14:48Hooray!
14:48Hooray!
14:49From there
14:49From there
14:50I shall take you
14:51To the castle
14:52Where we will capture
14:53The king
14:54And the queen
14:55And the prince
14:56Hooray!
14:57I'll say to them
14:58The kingdom of Albion
15:00Is ours
15:01Hooray!
15:02You are doomed
15:03To lives of exile
15:05Get out
15:07Yes
15:09Exile
15:11For life
15:12But
15:14Why don't we just
15:16Kill them?
15:18Well
15:18I suppose
15:20We could kill them
15:21Hooray!
15:22Wait
15:23No
15:23Wait
15:24Wait
15:24Wait till I
15:25Send the sign
15:26If I get a messenger
15:27With blackheads
15:28All over
15:28He's
15:28Because
15:29I know
15:31It isn't
15:32A trap
15:33Because
15:35The black
15:37Adam
15:37Gives you
15:38His word
15:39We want
15:40Your word
15:41Not this
15:41Blackadder
15:42Fellows
15:43But
15:44I am
15:46The black
15:46Adam
15:46Oh
15:48I see
15:50And when all
15:50Is done
15:51the Black Seal
15:53shall rule England.
15:56We few,
15:57we happy few,
15:59we band of ruthless
16:01bastards.
16:04All for one
16:05and each man for himself.
16:13We're in the very mood, my lord.
16:16Oh, yes.
16:17No one can stop me now.
16:18No one?
16:20No, no one.
16:22Except perhaps...
16:25No, not even him.
16:27And who might that be, my lord?
16:30Well,
16:31there was a man,
16:33Philip of Burgundy,
16:36known to his enemies
16:38as the Hawk.
16:40We were deadly
16:41childhood rivals.
16:44Although, of course, in those days
16:46he was known as the Frush.
16:49But no one's
16:50heard of him for years.
16:51Well, come on.
16:54Let's go.
16:55We've got work to do.
16:57Attack so far, Stettenborough!
17:00This Hawk,
17:01did he look something like this?
17:03not really, no.
17:16Oh, my God, Philip of Burgundy!
17:17Oh, my God, Philip of Burgundy!
17:27Oh, my God, Philip of Burgundy!
17:27known to my enemies as...
17:30known to my enemies as...
17:30the Hawk!
17:35But...
17:36but your horse
17:37used to be a huge,
17:38brown...
17:40Yes, that's the one.
17:44Well,
17:45it's been very good to see you,
17:47uh,
17:48Phil.
17:49This time,
17:51not fast enough.
17:53What do you want with me?
17:54I'll tell you later.
17:56I return at last
18:05after 15 years.
18:07And...
18:08and what have you been up to?
18:09Waiting,
18:10plotting,
18:11nurturing my hatred
18:12and planning my revenge.
18:14Ah,
18:15so you've kept yourself busy.
18:17Yes.
18:1715 years in France
18:20teaches a man
18:21to hate.
18:2215 years
18:23of wearing perfume.
18:2515 years
18:25of eating frogs.
18:2715 years
18:28of saying
18:28pardon.
18:30And all because
18:31of you.
18:32But surely,
18:34the scenery...
18:35I never went outside.
18:36I couldn't stand this.
18:38What has all this
18:39got to do with me?
18:40Because, Edmund,
18:41it is going to take you
18:4315 years
18:44to die.
18:48I see me.
18:49Yes.
18:50How?
18:50I think it might be
18:51more amusing
18:52if you found out
18:53for yourself.
18:54Let us just say
18:55it has something
18:55to do with...
18:58slaves.
19:06Oh, my God!
19:08Where are you going?
19:09Fire to the castle
19:10to kill the royal family
19:11and claim the throne
19:11that isn't mine
19:12by right.
19:17Dear Lord,
19:25who made the birds
19:26and the bees
19:27and the snails,
19:30presumably.
19:31Who made you help me?
19:33A little animal, too,
19:35in my despair.
19:36I have been a sinner,
19:40but now I intend
19:41to follow the path
19:42of the saints,
19:44particularly
19:44the very religious ones.
19:47In the name of the Father,
19:49Son,
19:49and Holy Ghost.
19:51Amen.
19:53Amen!
19:53Amen.
19:54What?
19:56Amen, I said.
19:57But, so much as
19:58did I get it wrong,
19:59I haven't said that word
20:00in 20 years,
20:01you see.
20:02Who are you?
20:03I...
20:03I didn't realise
20:04I had company.
20:05Oh, company?
20:07I haven't said that word
20:08in 20 years, either.
20:09Or realise?
20:10I completely forgotten.
20:12Realise.
20:12I'm not mad, are you?
20:14Yes, I'm very mad,
20:15thank you.
20:16Mad!
20:17That's the word I know.
20:18I say to myself every day,
20:20I say,
20:20good morning,
20:21mad Gerald.
20:22How are you today?
20:23I say,
20:23I'm completely mad today,
20:24thank you.
20:25There's not much change
20:26there then,
20:26is there, Gerald?
20:27I say,
20:28no.
20:28Well,
20:28you'd be mad to expect
20:29any, wouldn't you?
20:30But I am mad.
20:32I'm mad Gerald.
20:33Quiet!
20:34Shh!
20:35Shh!
20:37Look,
20:38this may seem
20:39a stupid question.
20:40Question?
20:41Yes, sir.
20:41But you don't know
20:42if there's a way
20:42out of here, do you?
20:44A way out?
20:45A way out, you say.
21:13I always heard those words.
21:15A way out
21:15for, ooh,
21:1820 years.
21:19Yes, yes, 20 years.
21:21Not like Mr. Rat.
21:23I'm always saying
21:24Mr. Rat.
21:26Who?
21:27Mr. Rat.
21:29I tend to say,
21:30good morning, Mr. Rat.
21:32Uh,
21:32how are you today?
21:34And he said,
21:35um,
21:36beep, beep.
21:43Ah!
21:45Stop it!
21:48No!
21:49You mustn't be rude
21:50about Mr. Rat.
21:51He's my best friend.
21:54Yes.
21:57Wow!
21:58There's him
21:59and there's Mr. Key.
22:01What?
22:02Mr. Key.
22:03I made him
22:07out of my own
22:08teeth.
22:12Good morning,
22:12Mr. Key.
22:14Good morning,
22:14dear.
22:17Close the bloody door!
22:24Stop!
22:24Stop!
22:26Where are you going?
22:27I'll tell you where.
22:28Where I can sell
22:30these six black
22:31homing pigeons
22:31I've got in the back
22:32here,
22:33that's where.
22:34Black
22:34homing pigeons?
22:36Well,
22:36mostly.
22:38How much are they?
22:39Six shilling.
22:42Damn!
22:43I suppose if you
22:44beat me and gagged me
22:45and tied me to that
22:46tree over there,
22:47you'll be that
22:48in for less.
22:50Right.
22:50What the hell would
22:50give me a
23:09look?
23:10What the hell?
23:12What the hell would
23:14love you?
23:16Future
23:16to every
23:17church
23:17who
23:17you
23:17want
23:18to make
23:19wish
23:19At the striking of ten bells, I shall claim the throne.
23:49Gentlemen, to what do I owe this pleasure?
24:18To be burgundy!
24:21Edmund, I had not expected to see you again.
24:24No, dead men don't tend to make social calls, do they?
24:29Prepare to die!
24:32Wait!
24:33Let me say just one last thing.
24:35If these men are indeed, as they seem to be, the six most evil men in the land...
24:40Yes, they are.
24:41Your last sentence, please.
24:43Then they made a pretty damn peculiar choice for their leader, haven't they?
24:47My lord warden of the privilege!
24:50You think they should have chosen you?
24:53Thrush!
24:55A man twisted by unbridled ambition?
24:59A man tortured by insatiable greed?
25:02The most evil man in the world?
25:05No!
25:06Do you think they should have chosen you?
25:08Yes!
25:09But he's a mindless killer!
25:13Hooray!
25:14He'll destroy the kingdom!
25:16Hooray!
25:17He murdered his own family!
25:20Well, who didn't?
25:21I certainly killed mine!
25:22And I killed mine!
25:23And I killed yours!
25:24Did you?
25:25Yes!
25:26Good on you, father!
25:27Are you with me, then?
25:28Yes!
25:29Prepare to die!
25:31No!
25:32Wait!
25:33I have a more amusing method.
25:37Amusing for who, my wonder?
25:40Gentlemen!
25:42Oh!
25:47In precisely one minute...
25:50The spike will go up your nevers!
25:54The shears will cut off your ears!
26:00Yes!
26:03Then these axes will chop off your hands!
26:07And I do not think we need to go into the attributes...
26:11...of the coddling grinder!
26:13These feathers here will tickle you under what's left of your arms!
26:22And that is the amusing part!
26:28Gentlemen!
26:29Let us go and slaughter all the rest of the royal family!
26:33God save the king!
26:35Cause nobody else will!
26:39Hooray!
26:40Hooray!
26:43Stop!
26:44First let us relieve these wenches of their delightful burden...
26:47...and drink a toast to our enterprise!
26:50May good thrive!
26:52Over our dead bodies!
26:54Ha-ha-ha!
26:55Ha-ha-ha!
27:00Ha-ha-ha!
27:01Ha-ha-ha!
27:02Ha-ha-ha!
27:04Ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:06Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:11Ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:13Hm, it's got a bit of a sting in its tail!
27:15Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:38Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
27:40Oh, Edmund!
27:42Edmund!
27:44Edmund!
27:45Edmund!
27:46He lives!
27:51Father.
27:52Father.
27:53You called me Edmund.
27:56Sorry, Edgar.
27:58How are you?
28:01Not so well, Harry.
28:05What do you think my chances are?
28:09Oh, good.
28:11Good.
28:12He will live?
28:13Hmm?
28:14Oh, no.
28:15Sorry, I thought you meant your chances of going to heaven.
28:18Shut down.
28:21Never fear, my son.
28:23Your body may be mutilated beyond recognition,
28:26but your spirit will live forever!
28:29My lords!
28:31What did you say?
28:33I give you...
28:34Edgar!
28:39I told you to poison the black seals and goblins,
28:41stop poisoning the whole bat!
28:43Edgar!
28:44What did you...
28:49The Black Dagger!
28:51The Black Dagger!
28:52The Black Dagger!
28:54May his name last as long as our dynasty.
28:59No!
29:00No!
29:01No!
29:02No!
29:03No!
29:09No!
29:11Good Lord.
29:12Good Lord, I wonder if it was the wine.
29:26No, seems perfectly all right to me.
29:32And now at last I shall be king of...
29:36So now the wage of sin is paid
29:53The blade is stuck, the blackstead grazes
30:00The only sound across the blade
30:07Is Edmund pushing up the daisies
30:15Blackadder, blackadder
30:21A shame about the plan
30:28Blackadder, blackadder
30:37The world you are in
30:42Don't drink the wine!
30:58The world you are in
31:04Why is this?
31:06No?
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