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King Richard announces that he will make his son Archbishop of Canterbury. Edmund discovers that if his brother Harry becomes the archbishop, he will be killed and Edmund will become king. Unfortunately, the King appoints Edmund as Archbishop, then unintentionally sends two knights to kill him.
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00:00England, November 1487. The battle between the church and the crown continues to rage and the
00:11Duke of Winchester, the greatest landowner in England, is dying.
00:16Dying, my lords? Am I dying?
00:21Never!
00:22Never! Yet, my son, to pass away the idle hours till your recovery...
00:29No!
00:30Let us imagine you yourself were to pass away. To whom would you leave your lands?
00:35Why, to me, of course.
00:39Yes, to my beloved king.
00:43Yes, yes.
00:44May your filthy soul be prepared for hell, my son.
00:48Hell?
00:49Yes, hell, where Satan delts his fire, and the enormous devils break wind both night and day.
00:56Oh, no!
00:58Where the mind is never free from the torrents of remorse, and your bottom never free from the pricking of little fox.
01:06No! Spare me the little fox!
01:09Oh, what is this nonsense?
01:12Hell, where the softest bits of your nether regions are everybody else's favorite lunch.
01:19Oh, my!
01:21Forgive me, sire. I will change my will, and leave my land to the church.
01:31What?
01:32Blessed be thy stainless soul.
01:37Ah!
01:38Ah!
01:39You will change your mind later.
01:41I know it!
01:42Oh!
01:44I think not.
01:45I think not.
01:49No!
01:50Uh!
03:28Yes, by the way.
03:30The Archbishop of Canterbury?
03:32Oh, no, the King has done it again.
03:35That's the third this year.
03:37How did this one die?
03:39Horribly, my lord.
03:40Any details?
03:42Horribly is all I was given.
03:43Oh, Edmund, there you are.
03:44My lord, I come with tragic news.
03:47I've heard it.
03:48Will you go away?
03:49Oh, dear.
03:51Edmund, the Archbishop of Canterbury has met with the most tragic accident.
03:54There seems to be some confusion, but I think I've fathomed out how it came about.
03:58Yes, I think I've got a pretty shrewd idea myself.
04:00You see, Archbishop Godfrey was coming out of the Duke of Winchester's room.
04:04Who had just died, leaving all his lands to the church?
04:07Well, as a matter of fact, yes.
04:08And so the King was really out for his blood, presumably.
04:11Well, I dare say, but the point of the matter is that at that moment,
04:14round the corner came Sir Tavis Mortimer.
04:16The King's hired killer?
04:18No, no, no, no, Mortimer, that tall, rather striking fellow with no ears.
04:22Yes, that's it.
04:23Well, he came round the corner, saw the Archbishop,
04:25and rushed towards him with his head bowed in order to receive his blessing,
04:29and, uh, and unfortunately killed him stone dead.
04:33How?
04:34Mortimer was wearing a Turkish helmet.
04:36Oh, I see, yes, one of those with a two-feet spike coming out of the top?
04:40Yes, one of those things they normally use for butting their enemies in the stomach
04:43and killing them stone dead.
04:44Yes, so, presumably, he'd forgotten he was wearing it.
04:49But you know, that's exactly what the poor fellow had done.
04:52A tragic accident. Tragic.
04:54Ah, yes, almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram,
04:58being struck by a falling gargoyle while slimming off beachy heads.
05:01Right, and nearly as tragic as poor old Archbishop Wilfred,
05:06slipping and falling backwards onto the spire of Norwich Cathedral.
05:10Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.
05:14I just don't know how I'm going to break it to his catamite.
05:16What a tragic accident, my lord.
05:22Accident, my coddling.
05:26Who do you think will take over?
05:28Oh, I don't know. It'll be one of the Bishop Fellows, I should imagine.
05:31They tend to go for religious types.
05:33Rumour has it, my lord, that the king wants to choose Prince Harry.
05:38Really?
05:38Prince Harry, Archbishop, my lord?
05:43Claude!
05:44Prince Harry, Archbishop!
05:47And we all know what happens to Archbishops, don't we?
05:50Yes, they go to Canterbury.
05:54Oh, yes.
05:57Are you sure about your sauce, Ulrich?
06:02Yeah, it was Jane Smart.
06:03You know, she was the one who told me about the Duchess of Kent and the Chocolate Chastity World.
06:09Well, with Harry gone,
06:12the black
06:15and I will be
06:16king
06:18next.
06:21Today could be one of the most important days of my life so far.
06:24Percy, I shall require my most splendid garments for the ceremony.
06:28Certainly, my lord.
06:30Hunt, my lord.
06:31Trojan, I think.
06:32Boots, my lord.
06:33The Italian.
06:34And codpiece, my lord.
06:36Well, let's go for the black Russian.
06:39Harry,
06:40Harry, it always terrifies the clergy.
06:57Not really, my lord.
06:58Apparently, Lord Wilders is keeping his sheep in his bedroom,
07:01but nothing on the appointment now.
07:03Fair enough.
07:04I've been dressed like a dillyset wound.
07:14Like what, sorry?
07:15Well, this enormous nonsense.
07:21Fingers crossed.
07:22Members of the court and clergy,
07:29I have,
07:31at last,
07:32after careful consultation with the Lord God,
07:35his son, Jesus Christ,
07:37and his insubstantial friend,
07:40the Holy Ghost,
07:41decided
07:42upon the next archbishop.
07:45may he last longer in his post
07:50than his predecessors.
07:52Fat chance.
07:55I appoint
07:56to the Holy See
07:58of Canterbury
07:59my own son,
08:04Edwin,
08:05Duke of Edinburgh,
08:08Archbishop,
08:11be salute me.
08:12The Dimension Nation.
08:33Very good.
08:35Well done.
08:37Well done, Harry.
08:39Enter.
08:40Ah, your majesty.
08:43Ah, my lord archbishop.
08:46Um, there were just a couple of points about my appointment before things really firmed up.
08:52Yes?
08:52Um, personally, could I...
08:54No, you couldn't.
08:56Could I?
08:56And, uh, and...
08:57Don't be mistaken about this appointment, Edward.
09:00I've always despised you.
09:03Well, you are my father, of course.
09:05And you're biased.
09:06You, compared to your beloved brother Harry,
09:12are as excrement as compared to cream.
09:15Oh, my lord, you flatter me.
09:17And me also.
09:19So now, my boy, when I've at last found a use for you,
09:23don't try to get out of it.
09:24No, no, no, no, no.
09:25No, certainly not.
09:26I just wondered whether perhaps another man, um,
09:30equally weak-willed and feeble, might do just as well.
09:34Ha! There's no such man!
09:37Oh, no. No, of course not.
09:39Silly me.
09:40Uh, I...
09:41I thought, though, perhaps, you know, someone who believed in God.
09:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:46If I needed someone who believed in God,
09:49I'd have chosen Harry!
09:51Not an embarrassing little weed like you!
09:55Oh, well, I think that's everything cleared up.
09:58Goodness, it must be almost time to read a song.
10:01Must be going.
10:02Egbert!
10:08Come here.
10:17A word of advice.
10:22If you cross me now, or ever,
10:26I shall do unto you
10:28what God did unto the Sodomites.
10:30Oh, my lord, I don't think that's a very good idea.
10:33Well, I shall make myself available
10:36for all eventualities.
10:40Thank you so much.
10:41Flea!
10:57We've got the thumb screws,
11:00the foot crusher,
11:01the nose hooks,
11:03and those long rods,
11:04as you'll rather...
11:06Where's the torch?
11:08Here we go.
11:11Right, let's go.
11:12Archbishop!
11:13What?
11:15Uh...
11:15Uh...
11:17Uh...
11:19Hail.
11:19Going somewhere?
11:22Um...
11:23Yes.
11:27Where?
11:31Can...
11:32Canterbury?
11:33Good.
11:34Good!
11:35Howdy here, Willa Cump, Neil.
11:37I would hate to see you murdered
11:40before your investiture.
11:44To date!
11:46Fresh horses!
11:48My lord,
11:49if we're going to catch the boat to France,
11:51you'll have to hurry.
11:52Um...
11:52The boat to France?
11:54Um...
11:55You off to France, Percy?
11:58I thought we all were.
11:59No, no.
12:01Harry and I are off to Canterbury.
12:03Aren't we, Harry?
12:06Oh, I see.
12:08You've changed your plan.
12:10No.
12:11No, not really.
12:12The only change is
12:13if you could go and put your face
12:15in some manure
12:16and follow along
12:17at a reasonable distance.
12:19That would be fine.
12:21Great.
12:22And another thing
12:23that bothers me, Your Grace,
12:24suppose my right hand
12:26offends me
12:27and I cut it off.
12:29Well,
12:29wouldn't my left hand
12:31offends me as well?
12:32I mean,
12:33what do I cut it off with?
12:36Ah, yes.
12:37Yes, that is a knotty one.
12:39Yeah!
12:52Yeah, where is that?
12:53I don't know.
12:55But that tall fellow,
12:56he had a face full of manure.
12:57That's what I call style.
13:10Hello?
13:11Edmund,
13:12Duke of Edinburgh,
13:14believing God the Father,
13:16God the Son,
13:18and God the Holy Ghost.
13:20Um, yes.
13:26I then name thee
13:27Archbishop of Canterbury
13:30and primate of all England.
13:33His investiture over,
13:55Archbishop Edmund the Unwilling
13:57swiftly adopted
13:58the ways of the cloth.
13:59But ever the shadow
14:02of his father's threat
14:03hung over him
14:04until at last,
14:05one day.
14:06Tell me,
14:06Brother Baldrick,
14:07exactly what did
14:09God do to the Sodomites?
14:10I don't know,
14:11my lord.
14:12I can't imagine it was worse
14:13than what they used to do
14:13to each other.
14:19Oh, my God,
14:20this is it!
14:21Baldrick,
14:22go and get me lord
14:23Bishop of Ramsgate.
14:25Right?
14:25Get Percy,
14:26get Percy!
14:27My life is hanging
14:32by a thread.
14:40And if I don't leave
14:42my lands to the church,
14:44then what?
14:46Then, Lord Graveney,
14:47you will assuredly
14:48go to hell.
14:50Alas!
14:51Hell,
14:52where the air
14:53is pungent
14:54with the aroma
14:55of roasted behind.
14:57No.
14:58No.
15:01I place my lands
15:03in the hands
15:04of the church.
15:06And so,
15:08bid the world
15:08farewell.
15:12What?
15:13Shh!
15:13The Archbishop
15:14not yet arrived?
15:15Not yet,
15:16and even if he did arrive...
15:17Wait!
15:19Too late!
15:20Get out of my way!
15:21I'll kill the pair of you!
15:23I have killed your brother!
15:25I'll abolish the church!
15:27My lord!
15:28My lord!
15:29Ah!
15:30I said out!
15:31Get out!
15:32My lord!
15:33My lord!
15:34My lord!
15:35Wake up!
15:36Wake up!
15:38Wake up!
15:39Ah!
15:40Ah!
15:42Am I in paradise?
15:45No.
15:45No, not yet.
15:47Then this must be hell.
15:48Alas!
15:49Spare my posterior!
15:51No, no, you're all right.
15:53It's England.
15:54And you are not Satan?
15:56No, I'm the Archbishop
15:58of Canterbury.
15:59Oh, your gracious,
16:00your grace.
16:01I have left all my lands
16:02to the church.
16:04Am I to be saved?
16:05No, you treacherous swine!
16:07I'll kill you!
16:08Wait, wait, wait!
16:09Wait, wait!
16:10Let's, let's just
16:11take this through
16:12in stages, shall we?
16:14Um, you know,
16:17the church
16:18doesn't really need
16:20your land.
16:20Now, what it makes
16:21is a damn good thrash-out!
16:23But if I do not
16:24gain its blessing,
16:25I will surely
16:26go to hell!
16:28Hell!
16:29We're tiny tweezers!
16:30Damn it!
16:33Someone like you
16:35go to hell?
16:36Never.
16:37Never!
16:38But I have committed
16:39many sins.
16:40Oh, haven't we all?
16:41Haven't we all?
16:41I murdered my father.
16:44I know how you feel.
16:46Hold on,
16:47hurry up,
16:48back, back!
16:49And I have
16:50committed adultery.
16:51Well, who hasn't?
16:53More than a thousand
16:54times.
16:55Well, it is 1487.
16:58With my mother.
16:59What?
17:00You see,
17:01I will go to hell.
17:04Hell!
17:04Where close
17:05like turnips
17:06go out
17:07with the nose
17:07in the ears!
17:08Kill that, Bishop!
17:11Well, let's take
17:14hell.
17:15You know,
17:16hell isn't as bad
17:17as it's cracked
17:18up to be.
17:19What?
17:20No, no, no, no.
17:21No, you see,
17:22the thing about
17:23heaven is that
17:24heaven is for
17:25people who like
17:26the sort of things
17:27that go on
17:28in heaven.
17:29Like, well,
17:30singing,
17:32talking to God,
17:33watering pot plants.
17:36Hell, on the other
17:37hand,
17:38is for people who
17:39like the other
17:40sorts of things.
17:41Adultery,
17:42pillage,
17:44torture,
17:45those areas.
17:48Really?
17:49Leave your lands
17:50to the crown
17:51and once you're
17:52dead,
17:53you'll have
17:53the time
17:53of your life.
17:54Adultery,
17:55pillage,
17:56through all
17:57eternity.
17:59Yep!
18:00This weapon
18:01of large sticks
18:02against your
18:02tender portions.
18:04Oh!
18:06Well,
18:06Reveney,
18:08more decision.
18:09Very well.
18:10I leave my lands
18:11to the crown
18:13and my soul
18:14in the hands
18:15of the Lord.
18:16May he treat me
18:18like the piece
18:18of refuse
18:19that I am
18:20and send me
18:21to hell.
18:23Amen!
18:24Amen!
18:24You're a very
18:25lucky man.
18:26I wish I could
18:27be coming with you,
18:28but, you know,
18:29being archbishop.
18:30I'm so sorry.
18:31No, no,
18:31it's all right.
18:32Ah!
18:32My son!
18:43Father!
18:45Father!
18:47My son!
18:52Who's that?
18:54Looked like the kind
18:55of peril would kill
18:56the archbishop of
18:57Canterbury to me.
18:58Typical.
19:00Hey, you
19:00tartish dog!
19:02You tartish pig!
19:05Father,
19:06it's me!
19:07Pax!
19:08Yes, of course.
19:09Sorry, Harry.
19:10You're improving.
19:11Yes.
19:11Well,
19:12thank you, Father.
19:13Good night, Mother.
19:16He's gaining on me.
19:18He's gaining on me!
19:20And how was Edmund?
19:22Oh, well, well,
19:23very well.
19:25Chiswick!
19:25Fresh horse!
19:27And how are
19:28his dear little sheep?
19:31Who's sheep?
19:32Edmund's sheep.
19:34What sheep?
19:36Well,
19:37the ones are
19:37Canterbury.
19:39His flock
19:39that he was
19:40talking about.
19:47I can't understand it.
19:49Edmund doesn't
19:50even like religion.
19:51That's impossible.
19:54He's the
19:54archbishop of
19:55Canterbury.
19:56Yes.
19:57And the
19:57archbishop of
19:58Canterbury
19:58is also
19:59a naughty
19:59little boy
20:00whose bottom
20:01I had to smack
20:02for relieving
20:03himself in default.
20:04That was
20:05a long time ago.
20:07It was
20:07last Thursday.
20:15Well,
20:16the boys
20:16turned out
20:17well.
20:17a long
20:20and healthy
20:21life to him.
20:22I thank God
20:31that in my
20:32lifetime
20:32never again
20:33shall I have
20:34to say
20:35who will
20:36rid me
20:36of this
20:37turbulent
20:37priest.
20:40And what
20:41is that?
20:42It's something
20:42that my
20:43ancestor
20:43Henry II
20:44once said
20:45when he was
20:45having trouble
20:46with Thomas
20:46Sir Beckett
20:47he was sitting
20:48at a table
20:48like this
20:49with two
20:49drunken
20:49knights
20:50and he
20:50yelled out
20:51who will
20:52rid me
20:53of this
20:53turbulent
20:53priest?
20:56What?
20:58Oh God
20:59save us.
21:00I said
21:01who will
21:02rid me
21:03of this
21:03turbulent
21:04priest?
21:05Meaning
21:06who?
21:06the
21:07Archbishop
21:08of
21:08Canterbury
21:09of course.
21:13Well
21:13they went
21:14straight off
21:14and killed
21:15him of course.
21:21Right
21:22now let's get
21:22down to
21:23business
21:23shall we?
21:24Business
21:24well
21:24yes
21:25we're
21:26looking at
21:26some of
21:26the ways
21:27we can
21:27actually
21:27make a
21:28bit of
21:28money
21:29on this
21:29job.
21:30Basically
21:31there appear
21:31to be
21:32four major
21:33profit areas
21:33curses
21:35pardons
21:36relics
21:36and
21:37selling
21:37the
21:38sexual
21:38favours
21:38of
21:38nuns.
21:39Selling
21:39the
21:40sexual
21:40favours
21:40of
21:40nuns?
21:41You mean
21:41some
21:41people
21:42actually
21:42pay
21:42for
21:43them?
21:43Foreign
21:43businessmen
21:44other
21:44nuns.
21:47Right
21:48well
21:48this is
21:49a fair
21:49selection
21:50basically
21:50you seem
21:51to get
21:51what you
21:51pay
21:51for.
21:52They
21:52run
21:53all the
21:53way
21:53from
21:53this
21:53one
21:54which
21:54is
21:54a
21:54pardon
21:54for
21:55talking
21:55with
21:55your
21:55mouthful
21:56signed
21:57by
21:57an
21:57apprentice
21:57curate
21:58in
21:58Tewksbury.
21:59How much
21:59is
22:00that?
22:00Two
22:00pebbles
22:00all the
22:02way up
22:02to
22:02this
22:03one
22:03which
22:04is
22:04a
22:04pardon
22:04for
22:04anything
22:05whatsoever
22:05including
22:06murder
22:06adultery
22:07or
22:07dismemberment
22:08of a
22:08close friend
22:09or relative
22:09who's
22:11that
22:11signed
22:11by
22:11both
22:12popes
22:13curses
22:15are
22:15pretty much
22:16the same
22:16really
22:16I've got
22:17this
22:17one
22:17for
22:17half
22:19an
22:19egg
22:19curse
22:21dear
22:21anyway
22:22I curse
22:23you
22:23and hope
22:24that
22:24something
22:24slightly
22:25unpleasant
22:25happens
22:26to
22:26you
22:26like
22:27an
22:27onion
22:27falling
22:28on
22:28your
22:28head
22:28well that
22:29is the
22:30bottom
22:30end
22:30of the
22:30market
22:31they run
22:31all the
22:32way
22:32to
22:32this
22:32one
22:32for
22:33four
22:33ducats
22:34dear
22:34enemy
22:34may
22:35the
22:35lord
22:35hate
22:36you
22:36and
22:36all
22:36your
22:36kind
22:37may
22:37you
22:37be
22:38turned
22:38orange
22:38in
22:39hue
22:39and
22:40may
22:40your
22:41head
22:41fall
22:41off
22:42at
22:42an
22:42awkward
22:42moment
22:43does
22:45this
22:45work
22:45yes
22:46really
22:47no
22:47moving on
22:51to relics
22:52we've got
22:52shrouds
22:53from
22:54Turin
22:55wine
22:57from the
22:58wedding
22:58at
22:58Cana
22:59splinters
23:00from the
23:01cross
23:01and of
23:02course
23:02there's
23:03stuff
23:04made by
23:04Jesus
23:05in his
23:05days
23:05in the
23:06carpentry
23:06shop
23:06pipe racks
23:09coffee
23:09tables
23:10cake
23:10stands
23:11bookends
23:12crucifixes
23:15nice
23:16cheese
23:17board
23:17food
23:18bowls
23:19waterproof
23:19sandals
23:21I haven't
23:22finished this
23:23one yet
23:23but is it
23:24disgraceful
23:25my lord
23:25all of these
23:26are obviously
23:26fake
23:27yes
23:27but how will
23:29people be able
23:30to tell the
23:30difference between
23:31these and the
23:31real relics
23:32but they won't
23:33that's the point
23:34well you won't be
23:35able to fool
23:36everyone
23:36look
23:38I have here
23:41a true relic
23:44what is it
23:45it is a bone
23:47from the finger
23:49of our lord
23:50it cost me
23:5231 pieces
23:53of silver
23:53good lord
23:55is it real
23:56it is my lord
23:57baldrick you stand
24:00amazed
24:00ah
24:01I thought they
24:02only came in
24:03boxes of ten
24:03fingers are really
24:09big at the
24:09moment
24:09mind you
24:10for a really
24:11quick sale
24:11you can't beat
24:12a nose
24:13for instance
24:14this is the
24:14sacred appendage
24:15compendium
24:16party pack
24:17you get
24:18Jesus's nose
24:19St. Peter's nose
24:21a couple of
24:22St. Francis's nose
24:23and er
24:25oh no
24:25they're Jonah
24:26lark's
24:26bastard
24:28Virgil
24:29I'll show him
24:30I'll show him
24:35Heyo
24:39Heyo
24:40and er
24:41and what can I
24:43do for you
24:43well
24:44we're here
24:45to murder
24:46the archbishop
24:47of Canterbury
24:48there is
24:49enemies
24:50yes
24:51we fear
24:52he may be
24:53in danger
24:54really
24:55how
24:55well let me
24:57see
24:57perhaps
24:58good king
24:59Richard
24:59angry with
25:00the archbishop
25:01for some reason
25:01might well
25:03send two
25:03drunken knights
25:05freshly returned
25:06from the crusade
25:07on a mission
25:08to weak
25:09vengeance
25:10on him
25:11that's a good
25:12point
25:12it has happened
25:13before
25:14quite
25:14yes
25:15I'm sorry
25:16I didn't quite
25:17catch your names
25:18George
25:19how do you do
25:21just in the
25:23boy now
25:23two drunken
25:25knights
25:26first returned
25:26from the crusades
25:27and here on a mission
25:28for good king
25:29Richard
25:29god bless
25:30and your mission
25:32well as I said
25:34we're here to
25:35kill
25:36a bit of time
25:37before our next crusade
25:41oh
25:41well I'll just go and get him
25:44ah
25:47baldrick
25:48couple of knights
25:49here to see
25:50the archbishop
25:51oh my god
25:52monks
25:57my lord
25:59I've got something
26:00to say
26:00it's the one
26:02about the nuns
26:03of Uppingham
26:04and the
26:04candelabra
26:05don't bother
26:05I've heard it
26:06no the fact is
26:07there's two men
26:08outside
26:08who've come
26:09to kill you
26:09I'm terribly sorry
26:16about this
26:16I'll just see
26:17what the delay is
26:19what's going on
26:23these two men
26:23have come to kill us
26:24oh come on
26:25honestly
26:26baldrick
26:26just because a couple
26:27of people have a bit
26:28of breeding
26:28you assume they're
26:29bound to be
26:30mindless killers
26:31oh my god
26:32there's no way
26:33out
26:34help
26:35oh my god
26:38help
26:38they've dropped off
26:54madame they must have
27:05gone down the secret
27:07passage to the nunnery
27:08little sisters of
27:21indolence
27:22three men came in
27:23which way did they
27:24go
27:24I think they went
27:27that way
27:28god bless you
27:30wait
27:33they'll be watching
27:36out for us
27:36dressed like this
27:37quick
27:38in here
27:39great sister
27:55have you seen
27:56two burly nights
27:57pass this way
27:58no sister
28:00why don't you try
28:06that way
28:07thank you very much
28:08you're welcome
28:09and yet mother superior
28:18does not saint paul say
28:21in the effusions
28:21a woman is like a bat
28:24often heard
28:27but never seen
28:28no I don't think so
28:30sarah
28:31shall we check
28:33the dormitory
28:34oh yes mother superior
28:36what a good idea
28:37girls
28:44girls
28:45girls
28:46if I told you once
28:48I told you a thousand times
28:49fighting in the dormitory
28:50is completely forbidden
28:52who is the ringleader here
28:54you
28:55yes you
28:56the plane girl
28:57oh my god
29:02it's the archbishop
29:03of canterbury
29:04canterbury
29:07I think I can explain
29:12and that sweet lady
29:16is the whole story
29:18let us go over the facts again
29:20having been appointed
29:21archbishop
29:22you found that all your interests
29:24lay in the beauty
29:25of your vestments
29:26ah the fine embroidery
29:27unable to resist
29:29the slide into depravity
29:31you began to dress up
29:33in the habit of a nun
29:34I could not resist
29:35the texture
29:36of the hessian
29:37under things
29:38oh I can understand that
29:39then you forced
29:41the bishop of ramsgate
29:43and one brother
29:44baldy to do so also
29:45oh may I be cursed
29:47for it
29:48and finally
29:49you got two knights
29:51drunk
29:51and invited them
29:52to come and wrestle
29:53with you
29:53inside the nunny
29:54in an orgy
29:55of heathen
29:56to verse it
29:56and I must therefore tell you
30:03that this morning
30:03I have written urgently
30:05to all three popes
30:06recommending your
30:07immediate excommunication
30:08never more may you
30:10be archbishop
30:11of canterbury
30:12oh dear
30:13that's enough
30:15sister sign
30:16I think he's learnt
30:17his lesson
30:17sorry
30:19and meet thy doom
30:25and meet thy doom
30:25not a fire
30:39but I know
30:39I've heard
30:40you
30:41can't
30:41I know
30:42and me
30:42I know
30:44Quick! The nunnery's on fire!
31:00The sound of hoofbeats crossed the glade
31:05Good folk, lock up your son and daughter
31:09Beware the deadly flashing blade
31:13Unless you want to end up shorter
31:17Blackadder, Blackadder
31:21He rides a pitch-black steed
31:25Blackadder, Blackadder
31:29He's very bad indeed
31:33Black, his glove's the finest mole
31:37Black, his codpiece made of metal
31:41His horse is blacker than a vole
31:45His pot is blacker than his cattle
31:49Blackadder, Blackadder
31:53With many a cunning plan
31:57Blackadder, Blackadder
32:01You are a little man
32:05Alas, the corruption of the world
32:08Yes, alas, Mother Superior
32:10I'm tired and weary. You may leave me now.
32:14Very well.
32:15Alas
32:16So presumably you won't be needing the unicorn tonight?
32:20No, no, not tonight, sir
32:23Oh, my God.
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