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WyethLogic
#rowanatkinson #comedy #mrbean
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00:00What about this plague, then?
00:12Rumors from the north say it's worse there than ever.
00:15No, no. Now we've found out about the rats, we'll never have plague again.
00:19You know what they're saying? A rat a day keeps the plague away.
00:23Believe me, madam, there'll be no more plague in our lifetime.
00:27Well, I hope you're right.
00:30I hope you're right.
00:32I hope you're right.
01:00I hope you're right.
01:02I hope you're right.
01:04I hope you're right.
01:06I hope you're right.
01:08I hope you're right.
01:10I hope you're right.
01:12By the autumn of the year of our lord, 1495, the Black Plague once again howled westwards
01:19across Europe from the Indies, carried by seamen and entering England by a smelt.
01:24Each day, thousands died, village after village disappeared in its evil wake, and not even
01:31the best and noblest escaped its horror.
01:34Ah, Edmund, I'm glad I've caught you.
01:37Doing what?
01:38I'm afraid father's feeling a bit under the weather.
01:42Oh, dear.
01:43Any idea what?
01:44Not sure.
01:45I think it's probably Black Death.
01:48Nevertheless, I am sure that he'd appreciate a little visit from you.
01:52Oh, well, I'm sure I can pop my head around the door.
01:56Sort of now-ish.
01:58Mother, would you like to, uh...
02:02Oh, no, dear.
02:04He won't let me near him.
02:05Oh.
02:08Swat!
02:13Well, he's up.
02:15My lords of the council, we face today the gravest crisis this country has known since
02:21the Roman invasion.
02:22Here we are.
02:23Therefore, I'm...
02:24Your host.
02:24The king has stirred and calls for you.
02:26Ah.
02:26Very well.
02:29Gentlemen, I must leave you.
02:32Prince Edmund is in charge.
02:34Oh, say!
02:35Oh, say!
02:37Yes.
02:38All right.
02:39Gentlemen.
02:41Right.
02:41Um, well, as you know, today we face the gravest crisis this country has known since the Roman
02:48invasion.
02:48Radish!
02:49Radish!
02:49What about the Viking invasion?
02:51And the Norman invasion!
02:52And the Swiss invasion!
02:54Uh, well, the greatest crisis...
02:56For some time.
02:57And we all know why.
02:59Why?
03:00Because the king is possessed.
03:03What?
03:03True.
03:04True.
03:04True.
03:04The land is full of omens of bewitchment.
03:07What?
03:07Only last week in Cornwall, a man with four heads was seen taking tea on the beach.
03:14And two women in Windsor claim to have been raped by a fish.
03:17Oh, no.
03:18I do have heard such tales.
03:20In Harrogate it rained phlegm.
03:22And they do say that in England, the graves did open, and the ghosts of our ancestors rose
03:28up and competed in athletic spots.
03:30Oh, yes.
03:32And a friend of mine had this awful pimple on the inside of his nose.
03:37Oh, yes.
03:37Oh, yes.
03:39And a farmer of mine heard a cow reciting Geoffrey Chaucer.
03:44And a young woman in Shropshire saw Geoffrey Chaucer in a field mooing and striking a young
03:51heifer.
03:51Oh, yes.
03:52Now, gentlemen, gentlemen, surely we aren't the sort of people who believe in this sort
03:56of thing.
03:57I mean, next you'll be telling me that washing your hair in bats dropping stops you getting
04:01good.
04:02It is true.
04:03I can't find enough bats.
04:05And look what happened.
04:06I move that we do the only thing we can do to remove this curse from the kingdom.
04:13Oh, no.
04:13Oh, well, that sounds like the answer, doesn't it?
04:15Send for the witch, smell our pursuivant.
04:18I am the witch.
04:19No, no.
04:20The prince of the world has been warned.
04:26Now, wait, wait, wait.
04:28Percy.
04:29Percy.
04:30What?
04:31What the devil do you think you're doing?
04:33Look, look, I just can't take the pressure of all these ovans anymore.
04:37Percy.
04:38No, no, really.
04:39I'm serious.
04:40Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies.
04:45Two horses standing next to each other?
04:50Yes, I suppose it could have been.
04:51Oh, Mr. Christian, I bet you're just the sort of person who thinks that sticking your finger
04:55up a sheep's bottom on Good Friday makes you fertile.
04:58That's rubbish.
04:59By the way.
05:00It's Easter Monday.
05:01Yes.
05:03Yes, remind me not to shake your hand during a really disgusting morning.
05:07I don't believe it.
05:09I mean, who is this witch-smeller pursuivant, anyway?
05:11Oh, my lord.
05:12But Mistress Scott would.
05:14Yes.
05:15The old crone with the cat.
05:18It's the cat.
05:18Oh, lovely.
05:20Oh, but she lives in the village.
05:21So?
05:22Everyone's dying of the plague.
05:24Oh, yes, that's what they claim, those peasants.
05:27Any excuse to get off a decent day's work?
05:29Well, I mean, obviously, there are some genuine cases.
05:41Good morning, Prince Edmund.
05:43Morning, peasant.
05:46Good morning, Prince Edmund.
05:47Morning, peasant.
05:51Morning, peasant.
05:53Lord, should you disguise yourself?
05:56Hmm?
05:57Well, I mean, we don't want someone with a grudge coming up and infecting you on purpose,
06:00do we?
06:01Ah, yes, right.
06:05Good morning, stranger.
06:11Good morning, friends.
06:13Good morning, stranger.
06:14Good morning, friend.
06:15Who's that dark stranger?
06:20Oh, that'll be Prince Edmund.
06:23That's right, my lord.
06:32Bring out your dead!
06:40You!
06:40Where's Mr. Scott?
06:42He just passed her.
06:43What?
06:46Oh, my God!
06:50And what's that?
06:53The, uh, cat.
06:56Does anyone know what happened?
07:00No, I don't.
07:04Me neither.
07:05I was right on the other side of town when we burned her.
07:08Shh!
07:08Shh!
07:09Shh!
07:09Shh!
07:09Shh!
07:10Shh!
07:10Shh!
07:10Shh!
07:10Why?
07:11I don't know.
07:13Well, it was because she was a witch, wasn't it?
07:15Shh!
07:16Shh!
07:16You burned Mr. Scott for being a witch?
07:19Why?
07:20I can't see.
07:22It's a secret.
07:23A secret?
07:24Do you know who I am?
07:26A stranger.
07:28Oh, yes, that's right.
07:30Well, tell me anyway.
07:32No, no, we can't.
07:34And I'll tell you why.
07:36Because if you'd been part of a secret committee to invite the witch smeller persuadant into town,
07:41and he'd already burnt four of your best friends, would you go telling everyone?
07:46No, I suppose I wouldn't.
07:49So, so is it the witch smeller persuadant who burnt her?
07:54He's guessed.
07:55He's clever.
07:56They don't call him Clever Jake for nothing, you know.
08:00Well, they don't call me Clever Jake.
08:06So, so what does this witch smeller man look like?
08:10No one knows, my lord.
08:12No one.
08:12He's a master of disguise, and mostly appears only at night.
08:17At night, you know.
08:19I believe so.
08:21Ah, right.
08:22So he won't be around now.
08:24Well, let me tell you something.
08:27If this so-called witch smeller burnt Mistress Scott...
08:30The pussycat.
08:31...and have a peatline pussy,
08:33and there's something wrong with his nose,
08:36and I should know that they don't call me Clever Pete for nothing, Jake.
08:40What about him?
08:41Clever Jake, my lord.
08:43Well, you are Clever Jake.
08:47Wait, it's not a little bit of a deal.
08:48They, they don't call me Clever Pete at all.
08:53They call me Clever Jake.
08:56And if I were you,
08:57and I'd ask the witch smeller into town,
09:00I'd kick the big-nosed bully straight out again.
09:04What do you say?
09:04I think it's for a serious consideration.
09:07Well, exactly.
09:08Take Clever Tom's advice,
09:10and send him back to the madhouse he came from.
09:13Come on, boys.
09:14Mr. Scott is obviously in no state to help us today.
09:20I have two functions.
09:27To protect the good,
09:29and to crush the evil.
09:32Watch.
09:35Fascinating.
09:37Absolutely fascinating.
09:39Um, actually, you have crushed both eggs, you know.
09:44Some that seem good sometimes proveth to be evil.
09:48Oh.
09:49The Lord's Duke of Edinburgh.
09:51Ah, Edmund, come on in, come on in.
09:53The witch smeller's arrived.
09:54Oh, yes.
09:55Old Big Nose is back, isn't he?
10:00Oh.
10:02Hello.
10:03I'm delighted to meet you.
10:06Why, I'm one of your greatest admirers.
10:09Old Big Nose is back.
10:11Yes, Old Big Nose is back.
10:14He's in a terrible state.
10:15I was talking to him just now.
10:17He's a great admirer of yours as well.
10:20Who's this?
10:21Uh, Old Big Nose.
10:23In fact, I was just hearing about your work in Taunton.
10:26Imagine that.
10:28Every single person in the village having an affair with the same duck.
10:32The duck of Taunton was a tragic circumstance.
10:35And I hear you very kindly burnt our mistress, Scott, for us.
10:40Oh, yes.
10:41And her pussycat.
10:43Ah, but have you found the chief witch yet?
10:48I feel I may be very close.
10:50Oh, get the kindling ready.
10:53Make sure that steak is well done.
10:56Witchmen, I mind you.
10:56If you do happen to come across someone who's a bit, you know, witchy, how do you prove him guilty?
11:03By trial or by ordeal.
11:05Ah.
11:06The ordeal by water?
11:07No, by axe.
11:09Oh.
11:09The suspected witch has his head placed upon a block and an axe aimed at his neck.
11:14If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck, so we burn him.
11:18If he is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.
11:22What a very fair test that is.
11:26Would you like to attempt a less violent test yourself, your highness, by way of demonstration?
11:33How much less violent?
11:36Well, I place before the suspect a dagger and a crucifix.
11:40Oh, how interesting.
11:41The suspect is blindfolded.
11:43If he picks up the dagger from the table, he is Satan's bedfellow.
11:46Yes, Edmund.
11:47I think you should do it.
11:48At least take yourself out of the running.
11:50What?
11:51I haven't seen your broomstick recently, your highness.
11:54Oh, very good, sir.
11:54Very good.
11:55Yes, yes.
11:55Ah, I'm not so sure about all this, you know.
11:58Oh, come on.
11:58Yes.
11:59You will all notice how it has suddenly become much darker.
12:04Yes.
12:06Choose.
12:08There we are.
12:09The devil did that happen.
12:12You see, my lord, as I thought, this is the source of evil in your kingdom.
12:16This is your witch.
12:17Behold, Lucifer's brother.
12:21Bound the witch.
12:22Yes, I'm sure I caught the first part of that.
12:25Bound the witch, my lord, if you will know the truth.
12:27If that's what you recommend.
12:28But, but, Henry, you can't let him do this.
12:30He is very highly thought of, you know.
12:32But he's a quack.
12:34What did you say?
12:36Quack, quack, quack.
12:37You see, my lord, how the duck of Taunton lives with it.
12:40Yes, I'm afraid so.
12:43Let him be tried tomorrow.
12:50Words of millennials of England, this court is summoned to a judge the most heinous of all crimes,
12:57that of witchcraft.
12:58All the war happens this day as the accused is a prince of the realm.
13:05Step forward, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
13:08Look at his hair.
13:10Hair proves it.
13:11Who will defend the accused,
13:13and thus condemn himself to certain burning at the stake as a partner in Satan,
13:17if the accused is not going to.
13:18And our lord Percy will defend his royal highness.
13:21Oh, yes.
13:22Yes, me, sorry, yes.
13:23Hello.
13:24Witch!
13:25Witch!
13:27Witch!
13:27Witch!
13:27Witch!
13:27Witch!
13:28Witch!
13:28Witch!
13:29Witch!
13:29Witch!
13:29Witch!
13:29Witch!
13:30Witch!
13:30Witch!
13:31Witch!
13:31Witch!
13:32You will force us to listen to the pleadings of a man who may be a witch himself!
13:36Oh!
13:37Oh!
13:38You know, you're absolutely right.
13:40Yes, well, that concludes the case for the defence.
13:42Thank you, Lord Percy.
13:43Let the prosecutor begin.
13:45Ah, Prince Edmund, are you a Christian?
13:48Yes, of course I am.
13:50Can you say the Lord's Prayer?
13:51Well, yes, I can say it backwards, if you like.
13:54Capfisher!
13:54Oh!
13:55Oh!
13:57Oh, Edmund, I believe you have a pushing down.
14:00Yes.
14:01Oh!
14:02Its name is Bubbles!
14:03Right.
14:04Yes, I want to give it its full name, Beelzee Bubbles!
14:10Do you deny that you were seen on the feast of St. Jacob the Turgid speaking to this little
14:16cat Bubbles?
14:17Well, of course I deny it.
14:18Ah, but the chambermaid Mary heard you saying, and I quote,
14:23Hello, little Bubbles, would you like some milk?
14:26Well, I might have said that.
14:28Ah!
14:28Ah!
14:30And what did you mean by it?
14:33Well, I meant, would the cat likes milk?
14:35Milk?
14:35What did you mean by milk?
14:37Well, I meant milk, bloody milk!
14:39Bloody milk!
14:41It's got a mixture of milk and blood!
14:44No, no, just milk.
14:46Ah, that the blood was to come later!
14:48There wasn't any blood!
14:49Ah, you had to make no well milk!
14:53I pass on, my lord!
14:57Oh, lord, you have a horse for black satin!
15:00Yes?
15:00Yes, and do you confess that on the thirteenth day of Norris time you did say to this horse
15:04black satin, and I quote, satin, would you like some carrots?
15:08Well, I might have done.
15:10He likes carrots.
15:12Carrots?
15:13Carrots?
15:14Yes?
15:15Carrots?
15:16Yes?
15:17Carrots?
15:18Oh, no, that carrots are the devil's favourite food!
15:22Carrots!
15:22No, no, no, we don't!
15:24No, we don't!
15:25If the devil likes carrots, why isn't it mentioned in the Bible then?
15:29Um, why doesn't it say,
15:32And he took the Lord up to the top of an high mountain and offered him a carrot?
15:39Why is it thou shalt not eat carrots in the Ten Commandments?
15:43Ten carrots!
15:44The Ten Commandments of Jeroboth, in the appendix to the Apocrypha,
15:50And the Lord said unto the children of Bednibot,
15:53Neither shalt thou eat the fruit of the tree that is known as the carrot tree!
15:59Carrots don't grow on trees?
16:01Oh, really?
16:02No.
16:02And how did you get to know so much about carrots, eh?
16:06Wait!
16:07I call my first witness!
16:14Oh, satin.
16:18Good amongst friends.
16:20Good.
16:21Now tell me, in your own words,
16:24Did you sat in on certain nights' last garrisoned?
16:28Tide, endowed, albeit I accept in all innocence,
16:33Enfrenzied,
16:34Naked,
16:36And obscene,
16:39Satanic,
16:40Orgies,
16:41With your master known to you
16:43As the great Grumbledook!
16:46What?
16:47Silence, grumbledook!
16:50Satin!
16:50You're not replying!
16:52He's not replying, my lord!
16:54Are we to assume this horse has something to hide?
16:57I'm the rat, or he can't talk.
16:59Unlike this,
17:00For the Black Satin known in the hierarchy of evil,
17:03As Black Satin the loquacious!
17:05Are you?
17:06Or are you not the servant of Satan?
17:08Answer, I didn't quite catch that.
17:13Was that a yay or a nay?
17:15It was a nay, my lord,
17:16But I don't believe a word of it.
17:18I call for a recess.
17:19He may think he can fool us,
17:21But we have ways of making him talk!
17:26Well, I suppose this is what comes of being a witch.
17:30Oh, mother, I'm not a witch!
17:32Oh, Edward,
17:34You always were a bit of a fever.
17:36Mother,
17:36I beg of you,
17:37Use whatever power you have to help me.
17:41I haven't had any power for years, you know.
17:43No, no, but, but, but Father's sake,
17:46You must do something,
17:47Otherwise.
17:48Otherwise what?
17:50Well, otherwise, I'll be burnt.
17:53Oh, yeah, this would be a pity.
17:58I'll see if I can sort out something.
18:03My lord,
18:04I had an idea how to get out of this.
18:07Yes?
18:09Send for all the greatest lawyers in the land,
18:12And they could save you.
18:13Brilliant.
18:14Contact them at once.
18:15I've already done it, my lord.
18:16Oh, Percy, thank you.
18:19Are those the letters?
18:21Um, yes.
18:24Read them.
18:25Um,
18:26Very well.
18:29This is from Robert Wyatt in Somerset.
18:33What you ask is against reason and God.
18:38I spit on you and your master,
18:41And look forward to passing water
18:44Over both your graves
18:46What does that one say?
18:52It's from John Watts.
18:53Oh, stinker Watts.
18:55Dear Percy,
18:56Of course I remember being at school
18:58With Prince Edmund and yourself,
19:00And so was very interested by your letter.
19:02Yes?
19:03May you both die horribly.
19:04Yours, John Watts.
19:05Oh, no.
19:08I'm doomed.
19:10Wait a moment, my lord.
19:12I have a cunning plan
19:14That cannot fail.
19:16Oh, what is it?
19:17Well?
19:18My wife was wondering
19:19Whether you'd like to come round for dinner tonight.
19:21No, thanks.
19:22Why not?
19:23Well, the food tastes like manure
19:25And frankly, I find you both very boring.
19:28Oh, fair enough.
19:30What about next Thursday, then?
19:33Um, yeah, that's lovely.
19:34Is that our thing?
19:35Yeah, nice to be there.
19:38Brilliant!
19:41Well done, Baldrick.
19:42Very cunning.
19:45You may capture the eagle,
19:48But you cannot clip its wings.
19:51All the way.
19:52How's that eagle of yours?
19:53Oh, fine, fine.
19:55Mind you, I had a bit of trouble to start with.
19:57But now I've clipped its wings.
19:58No problem.
19:59Go for it.
20:01Tomorrow I shall not be so meek.
20:04And happily, the horse, blessed satin, the confessor,
20:18And whilst to have been our first witness today,
20:20Yes?
20:21Cannot be with us.
20:22Oh, dear.
20:23However, before he died,
20:25You bastard!
20:27He did make this signed confession.
20:30I read it to you.
20:31I, Black Saturn, confess that my former master, Edmund, is the servant of Satan.
20:40And I spoke to him on the matter frequently.
20:45Over a gallon, a gallon, a gallon of stable boys' blood!
20:53Oh, dear God, this tragic, horrid, nasty, and most evil case draws to an end.
21:01I call my last ridden!
21:07Yes, and what is it?
21:09A cow?
21:10A talkative badger?
21:12An easily bribed ant?
21:14I call Jane Farkettle!
21:20Jane Farkettle.
21:21Can you see that man standing over there?
21:24Which?
21:24That's him.
21:25Of course I recognize him!
21:28She's seen me on a coin.
21:30And have you or have you not committed sins of the flesh with him?
21:35I have.
21:36You must be joking!
21:38To my deepest Jane!
21:39And mine!
21:40I mean, look at her!
21:41Can you describe these fowl deeds?
21:43After we had just kissed once, he transformed into a wild animal!
21:51Perhaps I do remember you.
21:54Yes, my lord.
21:56Three months later, I was great with child.
21:59Oh, for God's sake!
22:00You bore him a son!
22:02I did!
22:03My little Johnny!
22:05Can you see this son of Satan anywhere in this cot?
22:16Yes, that's him!
22:18I give you...
22:19John Grumper Dewey!
22:24Yeah, give him away!
22:25Come on, he doesn't look the slightest bit like me!
22:28I know!
22:29You have three proofs of which crap!
22:32A cat that drinks blood!
22:34A horse that talks!
22:37And a man who propagates!
22:41Poodle!
22:41Silence!
22:42Silence!
22:43Silence!
22:44Silence!
22:45Silence!
22:46Silence!
22:47Silence!
22:48Silence!
22:49Silence!
22:50Silence!
22:51Silence!
22:52Silence!
22:53Silence!
22:54Father Prince of Wales!
22:55The verdict of this court is that the accused are found guilty of witchcraft.
23:01The maximum penalty that the law allows is that you be burned to death.
23:07However, in view of your previous good background, I am disposed to be lenient.
23:13Boo!
23:14Therefore, I sentence you to be burned alive!
23:19Do you have anything to say?
23:21Well, yes, actually, I'd quite like to say it!
23:23Shut up, Percy!
23:24And you, grumble, Duke!
23:27Yes!
23:28Now!
23:32Oh, brilliant, Horvick!
23:33How do you let that out?
23:34I'll never know!
23:35Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
23:36Quick!
23:37Here!
23:38Ah!
23:39Ah!
23:40Ah!
23:41Ah!
23:42Ah!
23:43Ah!
23:44Ah!
23:45Ah!
23:46Ah!
23:47You turkeys pigs!
23:48You turkeys pigs!
23:50Pursy.
23:54Sorry.
23:56Ah, sorry!
24:09Look, um...
24:10Ah...
24:11...you two...
24:13Ah, perhaps, consider for a pretty hefty reward...
24:15Perhaps letting us...
24:16Escape?
24:17Ah.
24:18as washerwomen and carrying us out in three large wicker laundry baskets here comes the wife
24:29hello edmund hello dear you look funny yes i've had all my hair cut off oh yes that's it
24:48look there's no news of a reprieve is there oh no everyone's really important hello boys
24:57i have to go to my room which isn't fair but in fact yes yes i think i might even get a better view
25:07well i better be going
25:09oh yes your mummy asked me to give you this oh great what is it a knife a file
25:19then a small bucket of water no silly it's a dolly
25:27great great it's just what we needed
25:30good bye edmund goodbye dear mother
25:47i suppose really this must be one of the most difficult parts of the job yes
25:57and for the witch as well of course
26:02my lord i have a coming plan
26:05help off baldrick i think i might be able to stall him
26:11well grumbledook your time has come you wish to confess
26:15well i'm sorry sorry yes yes i do in fact
26:20confession
26:25i should like to confess in front of god and this rather small crowd
26:33that i have occasionally done things wrong
26:37be more specific
26:39um well i have erred and strayed like a lost ox
26:45lost ox sheep i'm a sheep i have
26:50i have
26:51i coveted my father's adultery get on with it
26:56i i have not not honored my neighbor's ass
27:02all right
27:03the fires
27:13oh damn
27:17i'm not even comfortable
27:26how fast this heat travels
27:29yes it is a touch war
27:33i feel as if i am on fire
27:39i know i'm rather regretting my choice of undergarments as well
27:42but i think you're jolly glad of that cloak in the winter
27:55well done baldrick yes that was a close shave
28:13thank you
28:16thank you baldrick
28:17morning my love
28:30oh
28:30morning
28:31what's going on out there
28:39well uncle harry's going to burn edmund alive when an other man came along
28:45nothing my dear don't sort it out now
28:48oh god
28:49oh god
28:56the sound of hoofbeats across the glade
28:59you could cold lock up your son and daughter
29:03beware the deadly flashing blade
29:07unless you want to end up short
29:09unless you want to end up shorter
29:11black adder
29:12black adder
29:13black adder
29:15he rides a pitch black steed
29:19black adder
29:21black adder
29:23black adder
29:25black adder
29:33black adder
29:33black adder
29:43black adder
29:47With many a cunning man
29:51Blackadder, Blackadder
29:55You horrid little man
29:59I said he shouldn't have burnt that cat.
30:03Oh!
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