00:05Here you go, sweetie.
00:08A purple tree?
00:09Yeah, I like to use different colors.
00:13Good idea.
00:14Mom, how come some people are black and some are white, some are brown?
00:20Well, honey, I guess God likes to use different colors, too.
00:27Hello, honey, it's how you doing.
00:28Oh, the tennis lady.
00:31Are you playing Alice Grayson again?
00:33No, she's not good enough.
00:37Janet Lathrop?
00:38Not good enough.
00:40Mildred Peabody?
00:41She's nowhere near good enough.
00:46Hello, Estelle. Ready to hit the tennis courts?
00:48Just let me grab my racket.
00:49Oh, stay right there. I'll bring it to you.
00:54Is he good enough?
00:56Honey, he's a terrible player.
00:59But, uh, he's good enough.
01:03Oh, get out of here.
01:16It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
01:23Love and tradition of the grand design.
01:26Some people say it's even harder to find.
01:30Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these gentle walls.
01:46And there must be some magic clue.
02:06And there must be some magic clue.
02:07It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
02:36Hey, sweetie.
02:38Hi, Carl.
02:41How was your day?
02:41Oh, great.
02:43I had a steak out of Donut World.
02:47And how was your day?
02:49Well, fine.
02:50Until Judy's teacher called me at work.
02:53Who, Mrs. Fuzzlip?
02:56Carl, it's Mrs. Fuzzlip.
02:58Bad enough the kids call her Fuzzlip.
03:01But, Harriet, you've seen her.
03:04If ever there was a lip begging for electrolysis...
03:09I'm sorry.
03:10So, what did, uh, Fuzzlip want?
03:13Well, it seems that Judy has not been doing her book reports.
03:16She's heading for a D in English.
03:18A D?
03:20Where is she?
03:21Upstairs.
03:22Let the car, car, car, car.
03:24I want you to bring up the subject delicately.
03:27You're right, sweetheart.
03:29Judy, why didn't you tell us you're getting flunked by Fuzzlip?
03:34Uh-oh.
03:35No, no, it's hot.
03:36What's that?
03:36What's the right?
03:37What's the right?
03:37What's the right?
03:38Ah!
03:38Huh!
03:39Huh!
03:40Huh!
03:40Huh!
03:40Huh!
03:41Huh!
03:41Huh!
03:42Huh!
03:42Huh!
03:43Huh!
03:44Huh!
03:44Huh!
03:45Huh!
03:46Huh!
03:47Huh!
03:49Huh!
03:51Eddie, I can't believe you beat me 19 games of pool in a row.
03:55Actually, it was 20.
03:59But who's counting?
04:02Let's see, Rodney.
04:0420 games on a buck each.
04:06You owe me...
04:07$20.
04:09Just by who's counting.
04:14You lucked out this time.
04:15But next time, I'm gonna whip you.
04:18Rodney, why don't you try to get your oars near the water, buddy?
04:21When it comes to pool, you can sink the Titanic.
04:27Can I hurt him?
04:28Not in the house.
04:32Steve, come on outside.
04:34I want to show you something.
04:35Uh-uh.
04:43Hi.
04:44Snookums.
04:45Hold back.
04:48Wait, Laura.
04:49I need your advice on something.
04:51I'm thinking about switching to bikini briefs.
04:59You're right.
05:00I'll just stick with my trusty old boxers.
05:06Hey, what's up, dudes?
05:08Don't you just love it when the big guy tries to act hip?
05:12Hey, Dad, I just finished playing pool with Rodney.
05:15I wiped the floor with him.
05:17Oh, right.
05:19Like father, like son.
05:20Yeah.
05:21You play pool?
05:23Did I play pool?
05:24Son, down at the corner pocket, they used to call me Rack and Roll Winslow.
05:30Well, they call me Fast Eddie.
05:34And I just took Rodney for 20 big ones.
05:38Son, I don't want you gambling.
05:41Trust me, Carl.
05:42With Rodney, it's not gambling.
05:45Right, Ed O?
05:46Right.
05:47Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
05:50Ha, ha, ha, ha!
06:15Hey, guys, we're too young to be in here.
06:21That is, without our wives.
06:27Michael, just keep your mouth shut.
06:29Hold these lips or zip.
06:37Woo, wait, these fellas sure know how to use that wooden stick.
06:42Yeah.
06:43You play?
06:44Well, I played for a spell back home.
06:47Where's that?
06:49Bullwater, Texas.
06:51Bullwater?
06:51Yep.
06:52Tiny place.
06:54If you lay down, your feet are in another town.
07:01Oh, stop!
07:02Stop!
07:02Another one like that and I'll probably wet my boxers.
07:09You wanna play a game?
07:11Why, sure.
07:13That'd be right neighborly of you.
07:15Ever play for money?
07:17Oh, gosh, no.
07:18Well, that's the first time for everything.
07:20What do you say?
07:23Shucks, why not?
07:25Name's Boyd Higgins, but my friends call me Buck.
07:28Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me...
07:32Eddie.
07:34I'm Rodney.
07:35I'm Rodney.
07:35My friends call me Rod Meister.
07:37And I'm Steve Urkel, and I don't get many calls.
07:43Rack'em, Steve.
07:45Rack'em.
07:50Let's make it eight ball.
07:51Five bucks a game.
07:53Oh, fooled uncle.
07:59Bust them up.
08:10It's five!
08:23Eight ball, side pocket.
08:29Yeah!
08:30Oh!
08:30That's five games in a row.
08:32Let's flash some cash.
08:34How about we raise the stakes of 25 bucks a game?
08:37Uh-oh.
08:43What's the matter?
08:47Eddie, don't you think it's kind of odd
08:49that a guy who just lost five games in a row
08:51suddenly wants to raise the stakes?
08:53Steve.
08:54He just wants to get his money back.
08:56Could be.
08:58Or the hoodwink key has become the hoodwink or.
09:01That Texas boy is handing you a line of bull water.
09:06Go home.
09:08Go home, Steve.
09:09I will not stand here and take that from you.
09:13I'm going home.
09:18Let's do it.
09:23This little Betty pocket here.
09:29Yeah!
09:30Oh, God.
09:31Well, cousin, I'm up ten games.
09:34Looks like you owe me $250.
09:38Time to settle up.
09:40Ma'am?
09:41No, let's wait till my birthday.
09:46Eddie, I don't think this guy's from Texas.
09:49Hey, you're a quick study, Rod Meister.
09:52Yeah, and I want the bread now.
09:54You see, when I play, it's cash or carry.
10:00Give me the cash or get carried out.
10:04Look, I'm temporarily tapped out, so how about if I just bring you the money tomorrow?
10:12Okay.
10:14Just one thing.
10:16Chucky.
10:17Eddie Winslow.
10:21263 Pinehurst.
10:23555-6278.
10:25Father, Carl.
10:27Mother, Harriet.
10:28Youngest sister, Judy, on her way to a D in English.
10:34So, Winslow, you got a choice.
10:36Show up with the money tomorrow, or stay home for a month and watch your body heal.
10:54Rod, where am I gonna find $239 quick?
10:59$240, $260, $280, $300.
11:08So, Steve, baby, what's going on?
11:12Oh, I'm on my way to buy a telescope.
11:14A telescope?
11:16Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to.
11:19A telescope is a long tube that lets me look at things real far away.
11:29And a fist is a bunch of fingers that lets me knock an Urkel real far away.
11:37Uh, so, Steve, could you lend me $239?
11:41Now, why in Sam Hill should I?
11:45Eddie lost a plane pool to that guy from Bullwater, and if he doesn't show up at the corner pocket
11:49with a fistful of cash, he'll get his face pounded.
11:52Uh-huh.
11:55So, you got hustled.
11:58Taken.
11:59Fleeced.
12:01Cous.
12:01Okay, Steve, that's enough.
12:03I seem to remember a high-pitched nasal voice of reason trying to warn me of your impending folly.
12:12But did you heed my advice?
12:15No, sir.
12:17Forget it, Steve.
12:18No, wait.
12:20How long are you the money?
12:21Hey.
12:23Thanks.
12:23On two conditions.
12:26One, I go to the pool hall with you.
12:29No sweat.
12:31And two, you have to be my very best buddy for a week.
12:36How about a day?
12:38Dead men don't bargain.
12:42A week it is, pal.
12:50Steve, where are you going?
12:53To the corner pocket.
12:54Your shift starts in five minutes.
12:57Oh, but if I don't go, some guy's gonna tap dance on Eddie's face.
13:00Excuse me?
13:02Uh, you probably weren't supposed to know that, so amnesia's the word, okay?
13:08What?
13:10Good!
13:26How's the book?
13:28Boring.
13:28Look how big and thick it is.
13:33Swiss Family Robinson.
13:36Who wants to read about cheese?
13:39Yeah, I can see where that could be a problem.
13:42Some reading is boring.
13:43You know, I read a book once where this family got shipwrecked and stranded on a deserted island.
13:48Well, that's not boring.
13:49That's neat.
13:50And then they built this great big tree house.
13:53Wow.
13:54What book is that?
13:56This one.
13:58But you're not interested.
14:00Mom!
14:06Hey.
14:07How's the reading going?
14:09I got a feeling it's coming along.
14:11I got a feeling it's coming along.
14:38Chicken.
14:41What?
14:43I said, if you're chicken.
14:51Eight ball.
14:52Okay.
14:53One game.
14:54Year on.
14:55Five hundred dollars.
14:56And breath.
15:01Steve.
15:02What are you doing?
15:03Hey, fear not, Biggie.
15:05I play a plethora of pool when I have time to myself.
15:08Which for some reason is quite often.
15:13I'll break.
15:15May we both rise to the challenge that awaits us.
15:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:25Missed by a cat's hair.
15:27Hearty good try though.
15:29You see, pool is a game of angles.
15:34One must cue at an angle to the object ball so that it travels in the same angle to the
15:42impact
15:42point.
15:44Now, let's see.
15:46An 82 degree angle.
15:48Intersected by a 42 degree vector.
15:51Let's see.
15:52Cue ball velocity.
15:54Jupiter's in retrograde.
15:57Harvest moon.
15:58Shoot!
15:59Shooting.
16:04Cat.
16:05All right.
16:07Bring it home, Mama.
16:13The road's on the run and I've got the guns.
16:31All right.
16:32Nice shot, my man.
16:34What?
16:38I'm sorry.
16:43Ah, yes.
16:45I'm perfectly set up to run the table.
16:48Man, there's one major pair of glasses.
16:50You mind if I check them out?
16:52Oh, why help yourself.
16:54I was considering contacts, but my eyeballs won't support the weight.
17:01Sorry.
17:05Oops.
17:05Hey, now that was no accident.
17:09Yeah, leave the kid alone.
17:10Sure.
17:12Your shot.
17:17But, Eddie, I can't see a thing.
17:20Tough break.
17:22You forfeit.
17:23Pay up.
17:24Hey, no can do.
17:26You didn't play fairies.
17:29You want I should take him out and give him a tour of the alley?
17:32Please.
17:33Oh, really.
17:34I'd love to, guys, but I forgot my camera.
17:38Hey, let him go.
17:40Hey, you guys.
17:41Come on.
17:41Come on, guys.
17:43Hey.
17:44Can't we, like, talk this over?
17:50Hey, what a loud detour.
17:58I want my money back.
18:01Put him down.
18:03Carl?
18:04Yes, it's me, Steve.
18:06Big guy.
18:09Wait.
18:09I smell polydent.
18:13Hi, Estelle.
18:14Hello, Steve.
18:17Dad.
18:18How did you know we were here?
18:19Uh, Steve told your Aunt Rachel.
18:21So, uh, what's going on?
18:24Oh, boy whipped Eddie.
18:25Eddie borrowed money from me.
18:27I'm blame boy double or nothing.
18:28I was kicking butt.
18:29Boy broke my glasses.
18:31Five hundred on the line.
18:32Can't see a darn thing.
18:38Nice summary.
18:41Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to fill in for Steve.
18:45Oh, no way.
18:46It's not fair.
18:48Well, it seems to me that if I look around hard enough, I could find a few laws being broken
18:53around here.
18:54So you have a choice.
18:56You can either let me fill in, or you can go to Cook County Jail.
19:00What'll it be?
19:02You got stripes.
19:03Thanks.
19:05Oh, yes.
19:06And if I win, nobody owes nobody.
19:27There's a coin.
19:29There's a coin.
19:30There's a coin.
19:30If I win, the trusty will be.
19:34And you know what I mean.
19:34We'll be making up right now.
19:34So you have to do a coin.
19:34Nice little coin.
19:34I can't wait here.
19:35Come on.
19:35Yes.
19:39I can't wait.
19:40impossible. There's no way you can make that. You're right. But, uh, she will. Do your stuff, Mama.
20:06Excuse me. Hey, it's a free country. I can stand where I want. Suit yourself.
20:20I think I'll move now. Car in the pocket.
20:40Oh, man. Dad, if you and Grandma hadn't shown up, I'd probably be flossing felt out of my
20:55teeth right now. Well, son, you should never have been in that predicament. Didn't I tell you not
21:01to gamble? Yeah, but I honestly thought I could beat that guy, Dad. Now, see, there you go. Son,
21:07when it comes to gambling, there's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling.
21:13Well, my pool playing days are over. I'm taking an early retirement. Well, now, you see, you don't
21:19have to do that, Edward. You're good at the game. You just shouldn't play for money. Remember,
21:26no matter how good you are, there's always somebody better. Except when it comes to Dads.
21:32You're the champ. Oh, thanks.
21:47Dad, do you know what the worst part of this mess is? To get the money from Steve, I had
21:52to
21:52promise him that I'd be his best buddy for a whole week. Ouch. Maybe I'll luck out and he'll
22:01forget about the whole thing. There's my best buddy for a week. I have our plans all mapped out.
22:12Now, Monday, 5 a.m., planetarium. 6 a.m., bug museum. 7 a.m., cheese factory.
22:332 a.m.
22:365 a.m.
22:44353
22:441 a.m.
22:536 a.m.
22:544 a.m.
22:54Oh, my God.
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