00:00This is Washington DC. Somewhere in this city is the headquarters of a top-secret organization
00:08known as Control. Its business is counter-espionage. This is Symphony Hall in Washington. Somewhere
00:18in this audience is one of Control's top employees. A man who lives a life of danger
00:23and intrigue. A man who's been carefully trained never to disclose the fact that he is a secret
00:28agent.
00:58This is Smart. Maxwell Smart, Agent 86. Hello, Chief? Max. What's up? Chaos, eh? Yes, sir? I'll be right over.
01:14Uh, I may be a few minutes late, Chief.
01:30It's late, Chief.
01:32Alright, Chief.
01:36Oh, my God.
02:06Oh, my God.
02:36Oh, my God.
03:06Hello, Max.
03:11Hi, Chief.
03:19Good to see you again.
03:20Good to see you, Chief.
03:20Well, Chief, what's all the excitement about?
03:25Max, this is a big one.
03:27The fate of our entire nation may depend on it.
03:31As you know, you're at control.
03:32It's policy to assign cases in rotation.
03:35Well, it's your turn at bat.
03:40Right.
03:40Oh, I'm sorry.
03:41I'm terribly sorry, sir.
03:43It's just that I'm raring to go.
03:51Max, let me give you a quick briefing.
03:54First of all, do you know what this is?
03:58I believe it's a photograph.
04:01It's a machine called the Inthermo, and it's capable of converting heat waves into immense destructive power.
04:08Now, Max, it's been stolen.
04:09And it's inventor, Professor Hugo Dante, kidnapped from his Long Island laboratory.
04:14Sounds like the chaos organization is back in action, Chief.
04:18Right.
04:19And there Mr. Big, whoever he is, has broadcast a demand for $100 million ransom.
04:24Or he'll use the Inthermo against our cities.
04:28Mr. Big must be stopped before he goes any further.
04:31Now, Max, it seems to me that...
04:32Just a minute, Chief.
04:33Isn't this top security?
04:35Yeah.
04:36Well, shouldn't we activate the cone of silence?
04:38The cone of silence?
04:40Yes.
04:41All right, Max.
04:43Hodgkins.
04:44Yes, sir.
04:45Activate the cone of silence.
04:47The cone of silence?
04:54First of all, how much...
04:56How much do you know about chaos?
05:04What did you say, sir?
05:06Chaos.
05:07What?
05:08Chaos.
05:09Oh, chaos.
05:11Yes, of course.
05:12Well, that's an international criminal organization that was founded...
05:16Oh, I think in 1957.
05:19How's that?
05:21What?
05:2357.
05:24Agent 57 is in Hong Kong.
05:27Hong Kong.
05:29What about Hong Kong?
05:31What?
05:32Hong Kong.
05:34Why are we talking about Hong Kong?
05:38Hong...
05:38Hodgkins.
05:43Raise the cone of silence.
05:46What?
05:47Raise the cone of silence!
05:49Perhaps we could just talk softly, sir.
05:59Max, let's get you set up with some special equipment.
06:02Would you please?
06:05What do you think you'll need?
06:07Well, Chief, this looks like a heavy case, but I think I'll just take the bare necessities.
06:11My vinyl specs, my locker key, and my Beretta.
06:19Max, take the inflato coat with you.
06:21Oh, Chief, it's the middle of summer.
06:23Besides, that's not even my size.
06:26Hodgkins will issue one in your size.
06:28I want you to have one with you.
06:29Well, okay, Chief, if you say so.
06:32Anything else?
06:33Well, I think I'd like to take K-13 with me on this one.
06:36We've worked together before, and he's proved useful.
06:42Hodgkins, send in K-13.
06:44Yes, sir.
06:49How are you?
06:49How are you, boy?
06:50Well, you ready for another one?
06:52Ah, this may be a tough one, fella.
06:54Think we can handle it?
06:56Now, remember, we're dealing with chaos.
06:58And if we fall into their hands, they'll show us no mercy.
07:01You think we can face excruciating torture?
07:06Agent 99 will meet you at the airport.
07:08Good.
07:09Uh, how will I know 99, Chief?
07:12Well, 99 will find you and use the following phrase.
07:15New York Mets win doubleheader.
07:17Hey, I like that.
07:19New York Mets win doubleheader.
07:21That's very good.
07:2286, your mission is simple.
07:24Find chaos and destroy it.
07:26Get Mr. Big.
07:27Rescue Professor Dottie and bring back the Inthermo.
07:30This may run into a little overtime, Chief.
07:33Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
07:40And loving it.
07:43Yes.
07:44Max, we're trained not to have any personal feelings.
07:57But I think you know that if I had any children, I'd like them to be like you and Fang.
08:04Thank you, Chief.
08:06Good hunting, Max.
08:07And remember the code.
08:09New York Mets win doubleheader.
08:12That I'd like to see.
08:16Flight 32, transcoming to the air load.
08:19Now departing, K-7.
08:21Sit, boy.
08:22Sit.
08:23Come on.
08:23Sit.
08:24Sit.
08:26Good boy.
08:27Stay here.
08:27New York Mets win doubleheader.
08:44You wait here.
08:45Mother will go check on our tickets.
08:46Okay.
08:51New York Mets win doubleheader.
08:53Any new developments from chaos?
08:58What about Dante and the Inthermo?
09:01Are you 99?
09:03No.
09:03I'm six and a half.
09:05No.
09:05I'm six and a half.
09:07New York Mets win doubleheader.
09:25I know.
09:26I know.
09:32But you don't understand.
09:33The score was 99 to 86.
09:41Are you 99?
09:42Uh-huh.
09:4386?
09:44Yes.
09:45I, um, thought you'd want to get right out to Professor Dante's laboratory at Cravehaven.
09:49Good.
09:50I spoke to Zalinka.
09:51That's his assistant.
09:52She's expecting us.
09:54Thanks.
09:55I have the car outside.
09:57Follow me.
09:59Hold it.
10:01I think I'm being followed.
10:03There's a man right behind you.
10:05Oh, where?
10:06Don't turn around, but you can see him through my mirrored cufflinks.
10:10Uh-huh.
10:12Who's he?
10:13Probably a reception committee from chaos.
10:16You wait here.
10:18What are you going to do?
10:19I'm going to use my locker key.
10:20Uh-huh.
10:2934?
10:30Yes, 86.
10:31Man behind me.
10:36Gun under his raincoat.
10:38Probably chaos agent.
10:40Put plan Y-14 into effect.
10:4399 and I are locked as decoys.
10:45All right?
10:46All right.
10:46All right.
10:54The plan is Y-14.
10:56Let's go.
10:56Let's go.
10:56Let's go.
10:57Let's go.
10:58Let's go.
11:21Let's go.
11:23This is one of the best experimental laboratories in the world.
11:33We have all the finest equipment.
11:36Oh, try it again at 700 ccm.
11:39Say, isn't this the inthermo?
11:41Oh, no, that's only a dummy model of the stolen inthermo.
11:44But it can be used to demonstrate how the basic principle of thermal concentricity holds true.
11:50Actually, the dynamics of the catalytic phenomena is expressed in direct ratio to its initial molecular conclusion.
11:56Yes. Well, perhaps we'd better get on to something else.
11:59I'd like to know exactly where you were when the professor was abducted.
12:04If you don't mind, 99, I'd like to handle this myself.
12:07Right.
12:09I'd like to know exactly where you were when Professor Dante was abducted.
12:16Came outside and you saw them struggling with Professor Dante.
12:19Exactly where did that take place?
12:21The car was over there by the bushes.
12:24Look, he's found something.
12:26Come here, Frank. Come here, boy.
12:27What have you got, boy? Come here.
12:30Oh, it's only an old banana peel.
12:32Why don't you give it to me? I'll throw it away.
12:34Wait a minute.
12:37That's funny.
12:39It's made of rubber.
12:40Here, let me see that.
12:42A rubber banana peel.
12:44Hmm.
12:46A rubber banana.
12:49Now, that's strange.
12:51Ah, wait a minute.
12:53There's something written on this.
12:56Su-s-cret-nuff.
12:59What could that mean?
13:01South...
13:03...Street...
13:05...Novelty.
13:08Ink.
13:09South Street.
13:12That's down by the waterfront.
13:13You know something?
13:15They could very easily have dropped this when they abducted the Professor.
13:1899 better get the car.
13:20I think we should follow this up.
13:21Right.
13:22Hmm.
13:24You know,
13:25this may be our first real lead.
13:28But why a rubber banana?
13:31Thank you, Zalinka.
13:32Thank you, Zalinka.
13:32But why a rubber banana peel?
13:41Sorry, Fang.
13:4326, quick.
13:44Chaos is broadcasting again.
13:46We will offer a practical demonstration of the Enthermo's enormous power.
13:50At 4 o'clock this afternoon, in full view of downtown Manhattan,
13:54we will destroy a great public figure.
13:57This is K-A-O-S, Chaos.
14:00Signing off.
14:00Great public figure, 4 o'clock this afternoon.
14:03What time is it now?
14:042.20.
14:052.20.
14:05That gives us exactly one hour and 40 minutes,
14:08and nothing to go on but a rubber banana peel.
14:11Step on.
14:12Here, boys.
14:12Here.
14:30He's all set.
14:49Smart's on his way up.
14:51Move into position.
14:52Kids.
15:14I believe this is one of your rubber banana peels.
15:21I'd like to know when it was purchased and by whom.
15:24I'd appreciate it if you'd make it snappy.
15:25We're in kind of a hurry.
15:26Ah, this looks like it.
15:39You'll probably find what you're looking for on page 8.
15:47I don't see anything here.
15:49Here.
15:50Where?
15:52Here.
15:53Here.
15:53are you all right 99 uh-huh how about you yes fortunately
16:22fang knocked me out of the way just in time that was a close one yes now we've got exactly
16:2910. well you're a girl
16:41he's right i suppose so we've got exactly 10 minutes to stop them from using that at thermo
16:47again well the beam must have come from somewhere out in the harbor be careful yes well i don't
16:52seem to see anything down there there's nothing out there except that old garbage scow but there's
16:57something funny about that old scow i've got it seagulls oh but there are no seagulls exactly did
17:06you ever see an old garbage scow without seagulls hovering over it better take a closer look
17:11of course that's it rubber trash they're using it for camouflage professor dante and
17:27the unthermal are on that boat or i'm not smart 99. oh we've got to get down there grab one of those
17:34dinghies and get on board that boat before they use that darn thing again come on
17:41good they're below down keep low and keep quiet
17:44the old garbage trick eh that's the second time it's been pulled on me this year mr big wants to see you
18:04so you're mr big so you're maxwell smart face to face please make yourselves comfortable
18:23what an unexpected and delightful pleasure to have the illustrious maxwell smart as my guest
18:35will you have a drink oh uh no no or perhaps a cigarette
18:42truly magnificent lens specially imported for me from heidelberg very good
18:58i see that what your organization lacks in strategy it more than makes up in loveliness thank you
19:04below and make them as uncomfortable as possible
19:07now wait a minute i have an alternate plan zelenka of course that explains why it was so easy for them
19:18to kidnap the professor is there anything else you wish to say you're very clever my charming little
19:24friend but not clever enough you see the moment i suspected there was something wrong with this old
19:31scow i immediately telephoned headquarters and i happen to know that at this very minute
19:37seven coast guard cutters are converging on this boat would you believe it seven i find that pretty hard
19:44to believe would you believe six i don't think so how about two cops in a rowboat you're stalling mr smart
19:57take them below
20:02no
20:04all right smart get your hands up up
20:16that'll hold you
20:16are they going
20:24well the chief was right about the inflato
20:26they've got professor dotty tied up in the other room so here's what we'll do
20:32wait a minute what's that they must be warming up the inthermo
20:36so that's their target what miss liberty herself
20:43okay 99 here's the plan i'll untie fang and release the professor you knock over the guard and take
20:49his gun right max well it's just that i'm so good at knots
20:59excellent we're right on target
21:11okay
21:19so
21:21so
21:23It's jammed.
21:38Okay, Professor, now let's deactivate that in thermo.
21:43It's smart, you fools!
21:46It's smart, you fools!
21:56It's smart, you fools!
22:01Help!
22:16Maxwell, help!
22:30Flash, look out!
22:45Did you deactivate the in thermo?
22:47Well, I couldn't do it.
22:48You see, the nuclear pile was frozen.
22:51I've got to stop that madman.
22:53No, no, no, no, no, no.
22:54When I could not deactivate it, I reversed it to self-destruction.
22:58So when the man would press the button, this ship would become one big blazing inferno.
23:02Ah!
23:03That's what I meant to call it!
23:05Dante's Inverno!
23:06Can you swim, Professor?
23:08No, but I am familiar with the argument's principle of displacement of water.
23:12English and you pay for all the-
23:14Oh!
23:15Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:17Oh!
23:18Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:20Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:22Oh!
23:23Oh!
23:24Oh!
23:34Oh!
23:35Oh!
23:36Oh!
23:37Oh!
23:38Oh!
23:39Oh!
23:40And I turned his evil genius into niceness.
23:44Oh!
23:48Oh!
23:49Well, I better let the chief know.
23:51Smart here. Maxwell Smart. Mission accomplished. Professor Dante rescued. Chaos destroyed.
24:10And I take great pride in saying that the forces of evil have once again been foiled in their attempt to extinguish the torch of liberty.
24:18What? Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
24:48What? Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
25:18What? Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
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