- anteayer
Max has to become a broken, drunk agent so that KAOS will probably try to recruit him as one of their agents. He eventually succeeds, but is assigned a difficult task.
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00:00We are ordered to stifle the heartbeat of the central military complex of the United States.
00:15The Pentagon?
00:17We will receive details of the plan at our next meeting.
00:21We are to succeed. We must have someone guide us.
00:24Yes, someone who knows the building, who has total access to it.
00:27Top clearance.
00:28I know such a man. He's a control agent. Maxwell Smart.
00:33Do you think we can recruit Maxwell Smart for a price?
00:38If not for money, there's always the lovely Natasha.
00:42Talking foolishly, gentlemen. Maxwell Smart is a dedicated, loyal agent.
00:48But he's also stupid.
00:51Stop. Nobody say anything. Give me that.
00:54Where did this glass with the ice cube come from?
00:58It was here when we came in.
01:00That's it. They found it.
01:03Don't you see? The ice in this glass have melted.
01:07Look at this ice cube.
01:09Germanium crystal.
01:15With a transmitting device inside.
01:20I can't stand it when they break those things.
01:26You know, 99, I really feel sorry for Professor Parker.
01:31He spent so much time working on that device.
01:33The ice cube transmitter.
01:34Yes.
01:35For the last six months, he's tested it in every known fluid.
01:39That's how he got his reputation.
01:40As a perfectionist?
01:41No, as a drunk.
01:42He killed enough!
01:54Yeah!
01:54Er-e!
01:55No!
01:55No!
01:55No!
01:55No!
01:56No, no!
01:56Any time?
01:56Nah!
01:57No!
02:05No!
02:06No!
02:07No!
02:07No!
02:08No!
02:08No!
02:09No!
02:09No!
02:10No!
02:10No!
02:11¶¶
02:41Watch it. Watch it. Watch it. Take off.
02:47The fly, I know.
02:49Oh, there it is. It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
02:52Oh, round and round she goes.
02:54And how perfect landing.
02:57Well, that's incredible, Professor. How did you do it?
02:59How did I do it?
03:01Two and a half years of nerve-wracking, micro-miniature fabrication
03:04and $400,000 worth of research and equipment.
03:07Did you see?
03:09Those two tiny antennae.
03:11On the left is a receiver.
03:13On the right, a transmitter.
03:16You should notice the left eye, the world's smallest radar-tracking dish.
03:21Wow.
03:21A network of 7,000 exquisitely delicate wafer circuits.
03:26Smart.
03:29Sorry about your ice cube, Professor.
03:31Forget the ice cube, Max. Take a look at this.
03:34Oh, please, don't tell what it is.
03:35I would like Mr. Smart to look in your desk
03:37and see if he can detect which item is the listening device.
03:41Parker, I don't think you should do that.
03:43Don't be ridiculous, Chief. That's a great idea.
03:47If he can fool my keen eyes, the security of chaos is doomed.
03:51Excuse me, 99.
03:54Now, let's see.
03:55Well, I don't think it's this magazine.
03:58It's a little obvious and clumsy.
04:02Uh, I don't think it's this paperweight or the cigarette lighter.
04:08What about that, uh, that fly?
04:12Huh?
04:13Oh.
04:14Got it.
04:16Let's see.
04:20Well, look, Chief.
04:21Maybe the professor can build another fly
04:23or a mosquito or a ladybug or something like that.
04:25There is not enough time.
04:27Max, you're going to have to personally infiltrate chaos.
04:30That's out of the question, Chief.
04:31You heard what they said on the recording.
04:33I'm too loyal, too dedicated.
04:35Well, that's what they think of you now.
04:36But you are going to gamble away your next six-month salary
04:40and become a stumbling, bumbling, drunken bum.
04:45Is that an order, Chief?
04:46That's an order.
04:47I'll see that word gets out on the grapevine tonight
04:49that you'll be gambling.
04:51Where, Chief?
04:52There's an illegal gambling casino
04:54that chaos men have been known to frequent.
04:57Phase one.
04:58Here's a couple of thousand dollars.
05:00Bet heavily, lose it, and make sure that they see you.
05:04Well, that shouldn't be too difficult, Chief.
05:06Oh, there's one thing, Max.
05:08I'll be the only one who knows you'll be a double agent.
05:11Right, Chief.
05:13You mean we can't tell 99?
05:15Max, chaos will be watching your friends closely.
05:18You must convince them more than anyone else
05:20that you've gone bad.
05:22Now, Max, remember,
05:23acting as a double agent
05:24is the most dangerous game in the world.
05:27These men are killers.
05:28They'll stop at nothing.
05:30You'll be living in constant danger every moment.
05:34And loving it.
05:37That measure was correct.
05:51Maxwell Smart just entered.
05:5326 black, I got it!
05:55I got it!
05:56Woo-hoo!
05:57Look at that pretty green lettuce
05:58rolling right on back home.
06:00Ha-ha!
06:01You know, I've been betting 26 blacks
06:03since Tuesday morning,
06:04and that little old wagon
06:05will finally come up with it.
06:07Woo-hoo!
06:09You know, mister,
06:09I don't know who you are,
06:11but before you showed up,
06:12I must have lost
06:12a couple thousand barrel oil wells.
06:14Now, you just stay right here
06:15because you and me
06:16are going to bust this little game
06:17wide open.
06:18Well, thank you,
06:19but I had other plans.
06:21No, no, no.
06:21No, no, I ain't going to told you.
06:23I ain't going to hold you.
06:24Why, you can't hold back
06:25a bonafide angel of luck now,
06:26can you?
06:27Ha-ha!
06:29Yeah, no, hold on, boy.
06:30Hold on.
06:31Why, you all didn't think
06:32I was going to let you walk away
06:33unrewarded now, did you, huh?
06:35Ha-ha!
06:36Ha-ha!
06:37If you don't,
06:38I just might get very angry.
06:45Jack's fault.
06:46Beats me.
06:49Yeah.
06:55Mind if I sit in?
06:57Table stakes.
06:59That's the only game I play.
07:06Five hundred.
07:16Another thousand.
07:32Five thousand.
07:43Five.
07:44Five.
07:44Five.
07:44Five.
07:44Seven.
07:45Five.
07:46Fresh deck, please.
08:16I open, 500.
08:21I call.
08:22I'm in.
08:23I call.
08:24Give me one.
08:27Two.
08:30Three.
08:37I'll take four.
08:41Five hundred.
08:49I'm out.
08:50I'm out.
08:53I call your five hundred, and I raise you.
08:59Five hundred.
09:02I see you.
09:04What do you got?
09:05Well, gentlemen, that cleans me.
09:10Four aces.
09:11You win.
09:15That beats me.
09:17Well, gentlemen, that's all for me.
09:20I'm too lucky in this game.
09:22Joe?
09:23Four thousand dollars.
09:40Are you certain the chaos agent was watching you?
09:45Everybody was watching me, Chief.
09:47And he didn't approach you?
09:49I'm telling you, Chief, nobody from chaos is going to approach me.
09:52I've got too good a reputation to live down.
09:54Not anymore, Max.
09:56We've shown them that you're a gambler.
09:57Now we move into phase two.
09:59Physical degradation.
10:00You'll become an alcoholic.
10:02Right, Chief.
10:03An alcoholic?
10:04Mm-hmm.
10:05Well, will they take a heavy drinker?
10:08Max, take good care of this.
10:10The tailor charges a fortune to rip it up like that.
10:13Chief, I've got a dry cleaner that'll do this for nothing.
10:16Here, Max.
10:18You'll need some of these.
10:20Oh, aspirin.
10:21Good.
10:22Probably need a lot of aspirin with all that drinking.
10:24No, Max, not aspirin.
10:25They're absorbable pills.
10:26You keep one in your mouth while you're drinking.
10:28It'll absorb all the alcohol out of the liquor.
10:30Say, that's wonderful, Chief.
10:32Then I'll act drunk, I'll look drunk, I'll even smell drunk, but I'll be stone sober.
10:36That's right, Max.
10:37Not one drop of alcohol will reach your stomach.
10:40Unless...
10:41Unless what, Chief?
10:42Well, just don't swallow one of the absorbo pills.
10:45If you do, your stomach fluids will release the alcohol from the pill all at once.
10:49I'll remember that, Chief.
10:51Now, you do your drinking in Shea Charles.
10:54That's a Skid Row bar.
10:55We'll make sure chaos gets wind of where you are.
10:58Right, Chief.
11:00Put this away, will you?
11:02Come in.
11:05There you are, Max.
11:06I've been looking all over for you.
11:08Uh, I...
11:09I've been busy.
11:10Oh, that's okay.
11:11Come on, you've got to get home and change or we'll be late for the concert.
11:14The concert?
11:15Oh, tonight's Saturday night, that's right.
11:17That's when we go to the...
11:22Sorry, 99, I can't make it tonight, I'm busy.
11:24Oh, you're on assignment?
11:27Well, not exactly.
11:29You're acting very strangely, Max.
11:32Look, 99, why don't you just forget about me for a few days?
11:35Max, I couldn't forget about you.
11:37Not even for a few minutes.
11:39I'm sorry, 99.
11:41Is it another girl, Max?
11:45Sort of.
11:46Sort of.
11:47Oh.
11:48Okay, um...
11:49I guess I'll see you in the morning then.
11:51Good night, Chief.
11:52Good night, 99.
11:53Good night, 99.
11:57Max, until your mission is a success, she'll learn to do without you.
12:01Yeah, Chief, but what if my mission is a failure?
12:05We'll all learn to do without you.
12:07We'll all learn to do without you.
12:08Alex.
12:09He's here, all right.
12:10Drinking like it's going out of style.
12:14.
12:27Alex...
12:28He's here, all right.
12:30Drinking like it's going out of style.
12:34.
12:37Throat lozenges.
12:38Sore throat.
12:39oh
12:44bartender yeah me a b and b b and b bourbon and bourbon
13:05hey mac you're gonna have to get that dog out of here
13:09what dog that dog
13:14dang what are you doing here you want to spoil everything
13:20all right doggy get out of here get lost i don't want you hanging around me
13:25can't you see i've turned rotten
13:28okay if you want the truth you're not my pal anymore i don't like you you've got a sweaty tongue
13:35and doggy odor
13:40that's more like it now just growl yourself right out the door
13:47good work fang you found him max what are you doing in this place what does it look like i'm
13:53doing i'm getting drunk that's not like you max that's not like you max okay what is like me max
14:02we've meant so much to each other look will you do me a favor just leave me alone get out of my life
14:08max i think i can help you it's that fly isn't it the four hundred thousand dollar one
14:17fill her up bartender we can work out something i've saved a little money
14:21look i don't want your money we can pay it off ten dollars a week ten dollars a week do you know how
14:28long that'd take 900 years sorry but i've got other plans max please let me take you home
14:38look can't you get it through your head i don't want to go home i like it here i don't believe that
14:43okay then maybe you'll believe this i've never liked you not even from the beginning you're too
14:51statuesque besides i don't like the things you stand for integrity loyalty decency okay max
15:01i'm leaving but only because you want me to i'm just not convinced that you're what you're pretending
15:07going to be come on fine come on smart is deteriorating rapidly he just dismissed his dog and his girl
15:24pardon me i know this is going to sound silly but is it possible that your shoe is ringing
15:31my shoe you've been drinking too much of this cheap booze soldier
15:37listen i'm sorry i talked to you so mean but i can't explain now
15:57oh chief i thought it was 99. have they made contact with you yet no chief uh they're watching
16:04me very closely but i think they're finding it hard to believe well that means we'll have to put
16:09phase three into effect right chief can you hold on a second chief hello uh i'm sorry but i'm using
16:17the phone booth could you call back later okay chief phase three it is uh chief just one thing
16:27what is phase three that's where i come into the bar and pick a fight with you when you beat me up
16:32beat you up beat you up i couldn't do that chief there's nothing to it we planted a case of whiskey
16:39in harmless breakaway bottles down there it's called old soldier all you have to do is break one over my
16:45head old soldier over the head well okay chief if you think it's necessary but i want you to know i won't
16:52be enjoying it smart what do you want a few answers sorry but i don't think i'm going to like the
17:09questions we're missing 68 000 that's tough have you looked behind the sofa cushions beside myself
17:17you're the only one who had access to the safe just what are you getting at i'm making a citizen's arrest
17:34i don't think he was looking you better hit me again bartender give me another bottle of old soldier
17:38i don't think he's going to have a drink here give me another drink a little more
17:48missed it again quick get another bottle wait a minute chief i've got a better idea
17:52we've got to get his attention let's go down to the other end of the bar
18:01bartender give me a bottle of champagne
18:02now look chief i'm going to take this bottle and crash it over the end of the bar
18:11then i'll threaten you with the jagged edges that'll get his attention
18:17all right i'm telling you for the last time get out of here
18:23is he looking he must be
18:32chief i think i swallowed my absorber pill
18:44you know something chief you're not half fat
18:55then what happened you hit him with another bottle while i was ordering a drink
18:58i hope he hasn't gotten too violent for us to use wake him up wake up come on wake up
19:09you're among friends mr smart i always knew that deep down inside you were a rat
19:16oh thank you for your confidence
19:18perfect perfect yeah that looks like your little girlfriend followed you here yeah we
19:26caught her snooping around outside what are we going to do with her how about giving her a severe
19:32reprimand you'll have to be disposed of uh how about a stern warning to keep off the premises
19:40who's going to do it well i think it's only just that uh mr smart have that honor
19:49would you go for a severe reprimand and a stern warning you don't seem to be very anxious to
19:54carry out this assignment that's where you're wrong i'm very anxious to carry out this assignment it's
19:59just that i can't work with a lot of people looking over my shoulder after all executions
20:04are kind of a personal thing with me i think all of you gentlemen had better leave the room
20:10how long is this going to take i'll call you when it's over
20:27max i knew you hadn't turned rotten you just had to find out the rest of their plan yes well it's too
20:32late for that now 99 i've got to get you out of here i don't know how i'm gonna do it there's only one
20:37door and no window that's it of course that's it what's it there must be a ventilator look
20:51max the noise though gets suspicious you're right we need something to cover it
20:56i know if you hear a lot of screams they'll think i'm working you over right i better use my phone or
21:01watch yeah give me that scream record from your charm bracelet
21:08bracelet
21:21must be the flip side
21:22no no no no no don't i'm not a chaos agent are you a double agent
21:49so's he 99 he's lying no i'm not the geese fly high the frost is on the grass max he is sorry about
22:01that fella oh i didn't mean to hit you so i think you're fractured my skull it'll heal it'll heal
22:06go out
22:09don't shoot uh the geese fly high
22:16the geese fly high
22:25just a minute who are you guys cia naval intelligence fbi scotland yard here
22:33yeah scotland joy
22:38madam
22:40i can't wait to tell the chief about this we're really in line for congratulations we've just
22:45broken the sinister arm of chaos that's threatened the nation's capital but max what about when the
22:50chief finds out that we've just wounded four of our own government's top agents well we don't have
22:56to tell the chief everything
23:09apparently the real chaos man who started the group died several years ago chief and was never
23:14replaced you've done a good job max and i understand most of them will be out of the hospital within the
23:18month sorry about that chief it's all in the line of work max what about the electronic fly chief oh
23:24parker has come up with a new listening device that's even cleverer than the fly you ready parker yes
23:29chief see if you can pick this one out smart and please be a little more careful this time
23:34right professor it's among these objects on the desk now let's see it's not the cigarette lighter
23:42right right and uh it's not the magazine right correct
23:49a fly you've built another fly no smart that's a real fly
23:58oh are you sure it's a fly absolutely well then i can kill it
24:05i have a strange feeling it's the light bulb
24:23i have a strange feeling it's the light bulb
24:28uh
24:32so
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