- 21/7/2025
Max is to testify against KAOS soon, so they devise situations to show that Max is losing his mind. Will KAOS succeed in discrediting Max? Simon Oakland and Howard Caine guest star as KAOS Agents.
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00:00Take it easy! Take it easy! I'm coming! I'm coming!
00:12You've got the wrong apartment. There's no party here.
00:14Somebody's after me. I need your help. Let me in, please.
00:18Uh, listen, Wrangler, I don't want to be a party pooper, but you've got a knife in your back. Did you know that?
00:36Must talk. Must talk. Take it easy now. Take it easy.
00:40Must talk.
00:40All right. Just let me get you up here to this couch here. Ah, there you go.
00:44No, they might come back. Please, another room. Another room, please.
00:48Uh, I'll take you upstairs to the bedroom. Now, wait a minute. I've got a plan here.
00:52I'll just take you up with the old fireman's carriage.
00:58I've got an alternate plan.
01:01There you go. Now it's going to be all right.
01:04Listen, I once knew a guy who had a knife in his heart and lived for 15 years. Would you believe it?
01:10That's hard to believe.
01:11Would you believe 15 minutes?
01:15I don't think so.
01:17How about a pin in his nose?
01:19You're just trying to cheer me up.
01:21Just take it easy, fella.
01:23You're going to be all right.
01:25There we go.
01:26Important information. Matter of life or death.
01:29Must talk.
01:31First you'll sleep, then you'll talk.
01:34Now just lie back, you'll feel it.
01:36Oh!
01:37Terribly sorry about that.
01:40Yeah.
01:40Sorry, partner.
01:53Now I'll never know what he wanted to tell me.
01:56Information must call.
02:00Yes, I'm listening, cowboy. Go ahead.
02:02They're going to poison him.
02:04Poison? Poison who?
02:05Oh, good.
02:06Well, partner, you tried.
02:16At least I know they're going to poison someone.
02:17I'd better notify the chief.
02:19The ambassador.
02:22The ambassador?
02:23They're going to poison the ambassador?
02:25Yes, the ambassador.
02:27Are you finished?
02:32Well, at least I know they're going to poison the ambassador.
02:40But which ambassador?
02:41Which ambassador?
02:48Ambassador.
02:48Ambassador.
02:48Hello, chief.
02:58This is Max.
02:59Listen, chief.
03:01I don't exactly know how to tell you this, but I've got a dead cowboy in my bed, and they're going to poison the ambassador.
03:08Uh, no, chief, a dead cowboy.
03:13No, chief, I'm not crazy with fatigue.
03:15I'm telling you, there's a dead cowboy in my bed.
03:18Yes.
03:18Well, I think you better get over here on the double.
03:21Ten minutes.
03:22Right, chief.
03:29Cowboy, the chief is on his way.
03:30He'll be here right...
03:31Cowboy, where are you, cowboy?
03:42Come on, old wrangler.
03:44No hiding now.
03:45Come on.
04:01Come on, old wrangler.
04:26Hey, boy!
04:26Come on.
04:27Come on, old wrangler.
04:27Hey, boy!
04:28Come on, old wrangler!
04:29Max, you've got to face the facts.
04:46You've just been having a nightmare, a bad dream.
04:48Chief, I'm wide awake.
04:50Max, listen to me.
04:51For the past four months, you've been on one of the toughest cases of your career.
04:55You've traveled thousands of miles gathering evidence that will put the leaders of chaos behind bars.
05:00Yes, well, I got the evidence, didn't I, Chief?
05:01Working, driving, pushing, striving, straining, working, moving, moving, moving, moving.
05:08I'm sorry, Chief.
05:09Forgive me.
05:09I'm not myself.
05:10I'm so tired.
05:12Max, the only thing that will make our case against chaos stick is your testimony at that hearing tomorrow morning.
05:19Now, you've got to have your wits about you in court or all your field work will just be gone right down the drain.
05:25But, Chief, the ambassador.
05:27There is no ambassador, Max, and there is no cowboy.
05:30There's only your own exhausted mind playing games with you.
05:35You really think so, Chief?
05:37Yes, I do.
05:39Maybe I should get some sleep.
05:41Yes, I think you ought to get some sleep because I want you to have your wits about you tomorrow at that courtroom.
05:45Maybe you're right, Chief.
05:48I must have imagined the whole thing.
05:51Yes, Max.
05:51Now, go on upstairs and get sleep and you'll be in shape for tomorrow.
05:54Well, thank you, Chief.
05:55I appreciate your coming over.
05:59Sorry about that, Chief.
06:10I've got to get a grip on myself.
06:13Oh, it must have been just a bad dream.
06:15Oh, it must have been just a bad dream.
06:45Pardon me, fella.
06:49Pardon me, fella.
06:51You're back.
06:52I've got to tell the chief.
06:53Wait right here.
06:56Chief! Chief!
06:59Too late, he's gone.
07:00That means I won't be able to reach him
07:02until he gets back to his house.
07:04The chief is...
07:06I don't understand it.
07:14First, he was here.
07:16And then he was gone.
07:17And now he's back.
07:18Where could he have gone to?
07:20Hit on the ledge outside the window.
07:22The ledge outside the window, of course.
07:26No wonder I couldn't find you.
07:29But why?
07:30I heard noises.
07:32Voices.
07:33I was afraid they were coming back to finish me off.
07:36I've got a feeling nobody can finish you off.
07:39They're coming back for me.
07:41They?
07:42Who are they?
07:43Chaos.
07:43Chaos.
07:44Chaos?
07:45You mean chaos is going to poison the ambassador?
07:48Yes, tonight at a masquerade party at the embassy.
07:51I was on my way there when they got me.
07:54How are they going to poison him?
07:55A toast at midnight.
07:57Poison punch.
07:58Poison punch at the embassy.
08:03What embassy?
08:05What embassy?
08:06Marobian embassy.
08:07Marobian embassy.
08:08Quick, get me a doctor.
08:11Don't worry about a thing.
08:12You just stay here and rest and take it easy.
08:14There's a doctor downstairs.
08:15I'll get her.
08:16Take it easy and rest.
08:17And don't get yourself excited.
08:18Just lie right there.
08:19And I'll get the doctor.
08:23Now, now, just lie still and don't move.
08:26And avoid starchy foods.
08:28Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't have any time.
08:35Besides, I have all the brushes I need.
08:37Oh, I...
08:38No, no, no.
08:39I'm Dr. Andrew Fish.
08:41May I see Mrs. Dawson?
08:42Oh, I'm terribly sorry, doctor, but Mrs. Dawson lives in the apartment down at the end of the hall.
08:46Oh, thank you so much.
08:47Terribly sorry I disturbed you.
08:49Oh, you didn't disturb me, doctor.
08:50You see, I was just on my way out to find a doctor.
08:52Oh.
08:52Doctor, I think you better step inside.
08:55But Mrs. Dawson has broken her ankle.
08:57I understand she's in great pain.
08:59You see, the poor woman tripped over her cat.
09:01I really think I should go.
09:03Uh, doctor, a man has been stabbed.
09:05Where?
09:06In my bedroom.
09:07Lead the way, sir.
09:13I'm sorry.
09:14I'm afraid I'm too late.
09:16He's dead.
09:18That'll be $12, please.
09:21$12?
09:22Well, that's standard for a house call.
09:23Hmm, I should have brought him down to your office.
09:26If you just give me the necessary details, I'll prepare the death certificate and notify the police.
09:31Oh, I'm afraid you can't do that, doctor.
09:33But I'm required to by law.
09:35Doctor, do you know who I am?
09:36No.
09:38My card.
09:40Arnold Kipnis, Furrier to the Star.
09:44You're a furrier?
09:45No, doctor.
09:45If you'll just hold this card up to the light, you'll see my true identity.
09:49Maxwell Smart, Secret Agent 86.
09:52Oh.
09:53Hmm.
09:55Is this a...
09:56This is a security matter.
09:58That's right, doctor.
09:59I want you to forget everything you've seen or heard here tonight.
10:03Wipe it completely from your memory.
10:04Now, remember, doctor, I want you to wipe everything from your memory.
10:16Wipe everything from my memory.
10:17Uh, even my $12?
10:20A speciality of your $12.
10:22Thank you, doctor.
10:23Good night.
10:24Uh, good night.
10:26I've got to contact the chief immediately.
10:28Hello, chief?
10:36Max.
10:37Uh, listen, chief.
10:39You know that dead cowboy I told you about?
10:41Yeah.
10:42Well, he's dead again.
10:44That's not nice, chief.
10:47Well, I have proof this time.
10:48You see, I brought in a doctor and the doctor examined him and pronounced him dead.
10:53What doctor?
10:54Uh, Dr. Fish.
10:56Well, if you don't believe me, chief, I'll get the doctor and he can tell you himself.
11:01Hold on.
11:16Oh, Mrs. Dawson, I'm terribly sorry to disturb you.
11:19Do you know what time it is, Mr. Smart?
11:20Yes, but I knew you'd still be up with your ankle.
11:22I'm rarely up without it.
11:24I hope you didn't have to walk all the way to the door.
11:27No, I took a bus from the living room.
11:29Mrs. Dawson, it's very important that I speak with Dr. Fish.
11:32Doctor who?
11:33Fish.
11:34Fish.
11:34Well, Dr. Fish is out with Lawyer Bird and Farmer Fox.
11:39Mrs. Dawson, what about your ankle?
11:41What about it?
11:42Oh, well, it's quite lovely.
11:44I'd love to stay and talk about it, but I have somebody on the phone.
11:47Why don't you try and get some sleep, Mrs. Dawson?
11:54Hello, chief.
11:56Uh, Dr. Fish was gone.
11:58Uh, but the body is still, uh, uh, you better stand by, chief, and, uh, switch to phone XVB.
12:05Hello, chief.
12:26Max, listen, just forget the whole thing.
12:30Just pretend you're dreaming I'm talking to you.
12:33Because I'm dreaming that you're dreaming that I'm talking to you.
12:40It can't be a dream.
12:42Not twice in a row.
12:45Can it be that I'm losing my mind?
12:53Well, there's only one way to find out.
12:55Hello, operator.
13:02This is an emergency.
13:03Get me the Moravian embassy.
13:07Hello?
13:08Moravian embassy?
13:11Yes, this is the Moravian embassy.
13:13Listen, this is very important.
13:14I've got to find out if there's a masquerade party for the ambassador tonight.
13:18Yes, it's going on right now.
13:20I have to speak to the ambassador.
13:22I'm sorry, sir.
13:23Why don't you try tomorrow?
13:24But you don't understand.
13:26This is vital.
13:27It's a matter of life and death.
13:28I'll come right over.
13:30It won't do you any good, sir.
13:31This is a private party.
13:33Even if you were invited, you couldn't get in without a costume.
13:37I'm sorry.
13:38I've got to get into that embassy.
13:49The All Might Costume Company.
13:51Well, the cowboy must have dropped this.
13:57He took the bait.
13:58Of course he did.
14:00No control agent can stand up to the logic and planning of chaos.
14:03And when Smart gets on that witness stand tomorrow,
14:05the whole case against chaos will be thrown out of court.
14:08Isn't that so, Dr. Fish?
14:10Right.
14:11Even his chief thinks he's cracking up.
14:13And now he's falling into our trap at the embassy.
14:16Yes.
14:17Well, I've got to change and get over there.
14:18It's almost midnight.
14:19After tonight, the whole world will believe
14:25Maxwell Smart is a babbling lunatic.
14:35I don't have any little orphan aunties, mister.
14:37I'm trying to explain to you that a fella came in here this morning,
14:39a kind of weird-looking guy with dark glasses and a scar on his face,
14:42and he cleaned me out completely.
14:43Listen, I've got to have a costume.
14:45It's a matter of life and death.
14:46Now, don't you have anything, anything at all?
14:49Well, he did leave this one costume,
14:51and I don't think you want it.
14:52It's a return from the 4-H club picnic.
14:55I'll take it.
14:56Where's the dressing room?
14:57In there.
14:58But now, listen, you...
14:59Let us raise our glasses high to our honored host,
15:02the ambassador of Morovia.
15:04Thank you, my friends.
15:05This is a proud and wonderful moment for me to be...
15:08Don't drink that punch!
15:09It's poison!
15:10I know that man.
15:12That's Maxwell Smart.
15:13Mr. Ambassador, as soon as I found out about the masquerade party...
15:16What masquerade party?
15:17This masquerade party.
15:18That's why I had the foresight to take this chicken.
15:24These are the worst costumes I've ever seen in my life.
15:27You and I are a cinch for first and second prizes.
15:30Grab him.
15:30He's gone berserk.
15:33Mr. Ambassador,
15:34this is a plot against your life.
15:36One sip from that punch means instant death.
15:39Well, that's ridiculous.
15:40Would you believe two sips?
15:51Very tasty.
15:53The man is obviously a lunatic.
15:54Now, kindly remove this mad chicken.
15:56Well, I'm not a chicken.
15:57I'm a secret agent.
15:58Mr. Ambassador, they're trying to kill you.
16:00The dead cowboy told me.
16:02They killed him twice.
16:08Gentlemen,
16:10this pretrial hearing is an examination of evidence
16:13to determine whether or not a true indictment
16:16shall be drawn up against certain alleged leaders of chaos,
16:19an international organization of evil.
16:21Your Honor,
16:22I think we can end this hearing very quickly.
16:25The government's entire would-be case
16:27is based on the testimony of one man,
16:30Maxwell Smart.
16:31Now, we intend to show
16:33that Mr. Smart's testimony is inadmissible
16:36by virtue of the fact that he is incompetent,
16:40deranged,
16:40and not in full possession of his faculties.
16:44Don't worry, Chief.
16:45They haven't got a case.
16:46The odds against them are a thousand to one.
16:48My first witness will be
16:51the Moravian ambassador.
16:54Make that eight to five.
16:58He bursts into the room,
16:59dressed as a chicken,
17:00attacked me,
17:01knocked the drink from my hand,
17:02and mumbled something about poison.
17:05Middle of the night,
17:05he bangs on my door
17:07with a wild look in them beady eyes of his.
17:12Screaming for a Dr. Fish
17:13and tells me I've got a broken ankle.
17:17When I drank the punch,
17:18he got furious.
17:20It's apparent that his actions
17:21can only be described
17:22as the ravings of a madman.
17:24No, there was no dead cowboy,
17:26and there was no Dr. Fish.
17:28But you have to remember...
17:29That's all, Chief.
17:30I'd like to point out...
17:31Please step down.
17:33A man who sees imaginary cowboys,
17:36some living, some dead,
17:38whose own twisted mind
17:40manufactures plots
17:42to poison ambassadors,
17:43and who likes to dress up like a chicken.
17:47That's the government's star witness,
17:49and the reason why this pre-trial hearing
17:51is nothing more than an empty farce.
17:54Your Honor,
17:55I beg the court's indulgence.
17:57I demand the right to cross-examine
17:59some of these witnesses
18:00whose testimony has made my future
18:02seem, well, shall we say, dim.
18:05Let's say, jet black.
18:08Your Honor, may I continue?
18:09It's a most unusual procedure, Mr. Chicken.
18:12Mr. Smart.
18:13It's an intriguing case,
18:15so you have the court's permission.
18:16Thank you, Your Honor.
18:17I plan to prove
18:18that I am in complete possession of my wits,
18:21and so as my first witness,
18:23I should like to call to the stand
18:24my old friend and good neighbor,
18:27Mrs. Harriet Eulalie Dawson.
18:30Now, Mrs. Dawson,
18:31exactly how long have we been neighbors?
18:34Too long.
18:36I wonder if you could be
18:37a little more specific.
18:38Six years too long.
18:41Now, Mrs. Dawson,
18:43I'd like you to think very carefully
18:45about the next question
18:46that I'm going to ask you.
18:47Take your time,
18:48think it over before you answer it.
18:50In all the years
18:51that we have known each other,
18:53has there been any time
18:54that I have ever given you
18:55cause or reason
18:57to suspect my sanity?
19:01Next witness, Your Honor.
19:14Now, you are the chief of control,
19:17is that correct?
19:18That is correct.
19:19Would you kindly tell this court
19:20your complete and full name?
19:22I'm afraid I can't do that.
19:23That's confidential information.
19:25Very well, then tell the court
19:26your first name.
19:27My identity is class A security.
19:29Come on, chief.
19:31Tell us your first name.
19:32Chief, it can't hurt
19:34to give just your first name.
19:37Thaddeus.
19:43Thaddeus?
19:46Sorry about that, chief.
19:49Now, how many cases
19:51have I worked on for control?
19:53I'd say more than a hundred.
19:54And how would you evaluate
19:56my services
19:57as a secret service agent?
20:04Now, let me ask you this question.
20:07And, chief,
20:08try and keep your answers brief.
20:11In all of those cases,
20:13was there any time
20:14when you wished
20:15that there was someone else
20:16on the case besides me?
20:17Now, let me see
20:23if I can think of a question
20:24that you can answer.
20:26What is my name?
20:28Maxwell Smart.
20:29Thank you, Thaddeus.
20:30You can step down.
20:32And now, your honor?
20:33Mr. Smart,
20:34if you can show
20:35that this unusual line
20:37of questioning
20:37has any direct bearing
20:39on your case.
20:40I'm getting to that,
20:40your honor.
20:41I have here
20:44in my hand
20:45Exhibit C,
20:46the chicken head mask
20:48that I wore
20:49on the night in question.
20:50And I would like
20:51to put this mask on
20:53and recreate
20:53the events of that evening.
20:56Your honor, I object.
20:57He's turning this hearing
20:58into a circus.
20:59I know what I'm doing,
21:00your honor.
21:01Mr. Smart,
21:02if you have something to say,
21:03remove that ridiculous
21:05chicken head
21:05so that I can see your face.
21:09But, your honor,
21:10I'm sure that
21:10if I could...
21:12Of course.
21:16That's it.
21:18Your honor,
21:19I should like to have
21:19the privilege of calling
21:20one last witness
21:21to the stand.
21:22All right, Smart.
21:24One more witness.
21:25And then,
21:26did you or did you not
21:27rush across that crowded room
21:29and shout,
21:29I know that man,
21:30it's Maxwell Smart?
21:31Yes, I did.
21:33But how could you
21:33have possibly recognized me
21:35when my face
21:36was completely hidden
21:37by this chicken mask?
21:38Well, I...
21:39And what's more?
21:41What man would drink punch
21:43that was supposed
21:43to be poisoned?
21:46Only a man
21:47who knew
21:48there was no poison
21:49in the first place.
21:50A man whose whole scheme
21:52was to discredit me
21:54and my testimony
21:55in this courtroom.
21:57A man who tried
21:58to tamper
21:59with a federal witness.
22:00And if my calculations
22:02are correct,
22:03you are that man.
22:04A man who owes
22:05his allegiance
22:06to chaos.
22:07Well, your honor,
22:09my case is complete.
22:11This is your villain.
22:12This is your culprit.
22:14And this is his gun.
22:17Stay back.
22:18Get over there,
22:19panel.
22:19Keep your hands up.
22:20You ought to be crazy.
22:21You'll never get
22:21through the guards
22:22at the door.
22:22I have my own
22:23means of escape.
22:27Well, Mr. Smart,
22:28I must say that
22:29your logic was
22:30quite brilliant.
22:30However, I regret
22:31I can't stay here
22:32and help you celebrate
22:33your victory.
22:34I'm afraid I must...
22:35I must take my leave
22:37of you now.
22:37Don't be a fool.
22:39It's five stories
22:40straight down
22:40to a hard pavement.
22:42I'm in a hurry.
22:43Oh.
22:44Well, that is
22:45the quickest way down.
22:48You really think
22:48I'm stupid enough
22:49to jump out of a window
22:50five stories high
22:51without having taken
22:52certain safety precautions?
22:55Below this window
22:55is a chaos truck
22:56full of mattresses.
22:58Well, gentlemen,
22:59farewell.
23:02Water, water, water.
23:05Missed it by that much.
23:16Wait a minute.
23:19Don't even have time
23:20to fix my breakfast.
23:29Oh, hi, Chief.
23:30Good to see you.
23:31What's up?
23:31The trial date
23:32has been set, Max.
23:33We've really got chaos
23:34on the run this time.
23:35Thanks to you.
23:36Oh, no thanks necessary, Chief.
23:38Oh, yes, they are.
23:39I'm afraid
23:40I lost faith in you
23:42for a little while there,
23:43but I must say
23:45those chaos boys
23:46did a remarkable job
23:47of making you look
23:47like you were cracking up.
23:49I understand perfectly, Chief.
23:51You know, Max,
23:51it's amazing
23:52how much you did seem
23:53to think you were a chicken.
23:55You know, Chief,
23:55there were times
23:56when I really thought
23:57I was a chicken.
23:59Oh, excuse me, Chief.
24:00My tea is ready.
24:01Yeah.
24:01Yeah.
24:01Yeah.
24:01Yeah.
24:05Yeah.
24:06Yeah.
24:06Yeah, yeah.
24:07Yeah.
24:07Yeah.
24:07game, Yeah.
24:08Yeah.
24:21Yeah.
24:22Yeah.
24:22Yeah.
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