Accidentally on Purpose😂18😂comedy show by Movie Time - Dailymotion

Movie Time

Watch the playlist Accidentally on Purpose😂18😂comedy show by Movie Time on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:00Oh, I can't do another office party.

00:09I've already slept with everyone here.

00:12Oh, yeah.

00:16Olivia, focus. James is coming soon.

00:18Does this post say, I'm over you, but I'll take you back?

00:23No, you just need to perk up your nipples.

00:30It's painful.

00:33Fine, I'll do it.

00:36Look, I am on a mission.

00:38When James sees me, I want him to realize he made a horrible mistake in Paris.

00:45Okay.

00:46Two more steps.

00:50And...

00:50Oh, beautiful heights.

00:55Romantic heights.

00:56Oh, my God, it's the Eiffel Tower.

00:58Please, it's the Eiffel Tower.

01:01Oh, my God, it's a bag.

01:04It's our three-year anniversary, so...

01:06I do.

01:08You do what?

01:08I do really want to open the bag.

01:13It's candy.

01:16So do I bite into it and find something else?

01:20Yeah.

01:21A pecan.

01:24It's marzipan.

01:25In the shape of a camera, because you're a film critic.

01:28The best one at my newspaper.

01:30What did you think it was going to be?

01:31Yeah, yeah, I believe it is.

01:35That.

01:37That.

01:38No.

01:39No, I don't do that.

01:41Look, when we started dating, I told you I never wanted to get married again.

01:44And you said, oh, my God, do you own this plane?

01:48Lots of people say they're never going to do things, and then they do them.

01:51Like in Gone with the Wind, Scarlett O'Hara says she'll never go hungry again.

01:55But then she does.

01:56But we're not going to go hungry tonight because we have reservations at Le Crayon, he said.

02:01Changing the subject.

02:02I don't think I can change the subject.

02:06I want a partner.

02:07I want someone who actually stays for breakfast.

02:10I want someone who's there no matter what.

02:11I want to grow up.

02:13Fantastic sex and exotic locales was fine when I was 35, but I'm 36 now.

02:1737.

02:19Goodbye.

02:20Yeah, I love marzipan.

02:23Focus on the mission, because this is where I turn it all around, okay?

02:26He's going to walk in here, take one look at this, take one look at this.

02:29Realize he lost the best thing that's ever happened to him, maybe even cry a little, and

02:35beg me to come back.

02:36I don't think so.

02:37Why not?

02:38He's in the doorway with Kate Moss.

02:42Abort mission, abort mission.

02:46I can't be anything without you.

02:55I wonder if he'll marry Kate Moss.

02:57Abby, how come you never wonder what good things could happen to me?

03:01Because I'm your sister.

03:04I just think you should forget the handsome gajillionaires who also happen to be your boss.

03:09I mean, look how happy I am since I married Nick.

03:11And you know why?

03:12Because he is stable, well-balanced, supportive.

03:15Yes, Nick would make a good chair.

03:18Excuse me, he would make a great chair.

03:20Oh, listen, look around.

03:22You'll find somebody else.

03:23I get proposed to all the time.

03:25I may be married, no, I'm not entirely sure, but I do know that I cannot go back to Dubai.

03:30Yeah, that's you, Olivia.

03:32I watch movies for a living, so to me, the three stages of womanhood are Meg Ryan in Sleepless

03:37in Seattle, Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, and Meg Ryan in the grocery store saying, no,

03:41really, I am Meg Ryan.

03:46Hey, excuse me.

03:47Can you help settle a bet between me and my buds?

03:49Well, that's kind of my mission in life.

03:51If you could be stranded on a desert island with one of us, which one would it be?

03:55Oh, well, that depends.

03:57I mean, how could each of you enhance my desert island experience?

04:00Do you have any special skills?

04:01Can you make a radio out of a coconut?

04:04No, but I can take coconut shells, wear them like a fake bra, and dance around like a little girl.

04:09Anybody can do that.

04:11He's right.

04:13You're out.

04:13Come on.

04:14Okay, which one of you two looks better with your shirt off?

04:18Wow, I love this game.

04:20And after we've been running around naked all day, we'll be hungry.

04:22And I can cook.

04:23I'm a chef.

04:24He had me at naked.

04:26Come on, dude, let's try on that girl who keeps reaching for a drink and missing.

04:29Yes, dibs.

04:31Dibs.

04:32I'm Zach.

04:33I'd like to buy you a drink.

04:34Oh, I'm Billy.

04:35You don't have to do that.

04:36Mojito, please.

04:38Perfect.

04:38You know, I bet my buds I could go a whole day eating and drinking, only things that end in toast.

04:43Mojitos, burritos, taquitos.

04:45I did that once, but with things that end in oni.

04:47Pepperoni, spumoni, calzone.

04:49But there wasn't a bet involved.

04:50My sorority was just full of bulimics.

04:53You're funny.

04:54And pretty.

04:55Okay.

05:00You're a really great dancer.

05:01Uh-huh, just another thing I bring to your desert island experience.

05:05Funny.

05:06Yeah, but I'm running out of charming.

05:07I think I have some more back in my apartment.

05:10And some homemade ravioli.

05:12What do you think?

05:14Absa-maybe.

05:14Give me a minute.

05:15Okay.

05:17Quicker.

05:18Quicker.

05:19Quicker.

05:20Oh, screw.

05:24Guys, the golden opportunity has just presented itself.

05:28I'm drunk.

05:28Look, I know this may sound nuts, but I'm thinking of going home with a guy who may be significantly

05:35younger than me, and I just need to know if the situation is empowering or desperate.

05:39Zero for 18.

05:41Empowering!

05:42So, to conclude our tour of the Burrow apartment, this is the spot where we eat, and, uh, that's

05:53the spot where we play Grand Theft Auto.

05:56I killed three hookers and robbed a bank this afternoon.

05:59It was very exciting.

06:00And that's just a spot on the floor.

06:04I call him Steve.

06:06You weren't kidding about having some charming back at the apartment.

06:10And you are a fantastic cook.

06:12Well, I am the second assistant to a semi-important sous chef.

06:16Basically, I boil things.

06:18But one day, I'm gonna have my own restaurant.

06:20Well, I'm making reservations now, because that was, like, the best thing I've ever eaten.

06:24What's for dessert?

06:24I know I set you up with that dessert line, and you were right to jump on that.

06:36But, um, I'm just not a one-night-stand kind of person.

06:40I just never do things like this.

06:42Yeah, but lots of people say they'll never do things, and then they do them.

06:54So this is the spot where we...

07:01Yep.

07:01Okay!

07:01Hey!

07:31What? That hooker's still moving.

07:46What was it like?

07:53Like eating candy.

07:55I love candy.

07:57What kind of candy?

07:59Yum candy.

08:00I'm not kidding.

08:01He smelled like a Skittle.

08:04I feel like I tasted the rainbow.

08:07The whole experience made me feel great about myself.

08:09My pores even look smaller.

08:11Oh, fantastic.

08:14I'm sure I'll never see him again.

08:15So what?

08:18I'm really glad you called me.

08:19Yeah, me too.

08:20Take off your top.

08:23This is endless.

08:26How much time is left?

08:28Was I supposed to be timing it?

08:32I was taking a picture of the back of my head in the mirror.

08:36Please pay attention.

08:37This is the most important moment of my life.

08:40Aw.

08:40Your first pregnancy test.

08:42That's adorable.

08:46Yay!

08:46Didn't you use condoms?

09:04I guess it turns out they're not 100% effective unless you actually take them out of your purse.

09:09Fairly, fairly, fairly.

09:11Always use a condom and an alias.

09:17Is it possible that you kind of got pregnant on purpose?

09:22I mean, maybe somewhere deep down inside you wanted this.

09:25You know what, Abby?

09:26This is just like when we were kids.

09:28You always think you know what I'm thinking.

09:30You always think you know exactly what I'm all about.

09:32The truth is, maybe you're right.

09:33Yes!

09:35I always wanted to be an aunt.

09:36Aunt Abby!

09:39So we're keeping it, then?

09:41Well, I'm a journalist.

09:43I ask the tough questions.

09:45If I don't do it now, I may never get another chance.

09:49Oh, my God!

09:50I'm going to have a baby!

09:51Hey!

09:53So how are you going to tell the baby, baby daddy?

09:57Can we please not call him that?

09:58Let's call him the father of my niece.

10:01I want a girl.

10:03But I finally had a boy toy.

10:06And I only got to play with him for a couple weeks.

10:08Now my boy toy got me pregnant when I tell him he's going to freak out.

10:13I broke my boy toy!

10:17I have got a ten-minute break.

10:19So what did you want to tell me?

10:21Zach, I'm pregnant.

10:25Zach?

10:28Zach, are you okay?

10:29Mm-hmm.

10:29Yeah.

10:29No, I was just all psyched because I thought you came here to do it in the alley,

10:32but it turns out you're pregnant.

10:34I don't know what to say.

10:35You don't have to say anything.

10:37You don't have to do anything.

10:38I just needed you to know in case years from now you need a kidney.

10:42So you'd have options.

10:45So I'm guessing this means we're done.

10:46So I'm going to go because I just saw a rat.

10:49Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

10:52You can't just say something like that and then walk away.

10:55I mean, this is kind of my baby too, right?

10:58Couldn't have done it without you.

11:00Well, then I want to be involved.

11:02Are you sure?

11:04Because I can do the rest without you.

11:07I mean, it's such a big responsibility and you're so young.

11:09Look, my dad walked out on me.

11:11And I used to think it was because I'd done something wrong, you know?

11:14I can't stand to think there'd be some little kid out there wondering why his dad didn't love him.

11:19I'm sorry.

11:20I hate your dad.

11:23We are not naming the baby after him.

11:25I want to be there for you, okay?

11:28And him.

11:30Or her.

11:31Or them.

11:31So what do we do now?

11:34That special breathing?

11:37It's a little early for that.

11:38Yeah, just making me feel better.

11:41I mean, I guess if you want, you can come with me to my first doctor appointment.

11:45I'll do better than that.

11:46I'll drive you there.

11:47You will?

11:48Yeah.

11:49Oh, my God.

11:51This is the sweetest, most perfect.

11:53I love you.

11:54What?

11:58So, do you drive a rent-a-van as some sort of a second job?

12:02I wish.

12:04No, I was only crashing at Davis's until his brother got out of prison.

12:07Well, when does he get out?

12:08Yesterday.

12:10Can't wait to meet him.

12:11Well, don't worry.

12:12I'll just sleep in the van.

12:13You're going to sleep in here?

12:14Well, not here.

12:16Back there, you know.

12:17It's nice.

12:18Except when I park on a hill.

12:20Well, lucky we live in San Francisco where there are no hills.

12:27You look pretty in that paper gown.

12:30Well, I feel pretty.

12:33Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

12:35You do this all day?

12:36This is like robot porn.

12:37Yes, it is.

12:40Okay, Billy, your chart here says you're 37.

12:45You said you were 32.

12:47That was when I thought I was never going to see you again.

12:50There's the heartbeat.

12:52Oh, my God.

12:53And that is your baby.

12:57Wow.

12:58It's beautiful.

13:00It looks just like you.

13:02I know.

13:04I think you should stay with me.

13:06Temporarily.

13:07Until a couch opens up.

13:09Yeah, I don't know.

13:10I don't want to complicate your life.

13:12Why stop now?

13:12So, you're really going to let Zach move in?

13:20You're supposed to taste the rainbow, not let it live in your office.

13:23What is that supposed to do?

13:24Let the father of my child live in a van so he can be hacked up by some crazy drifter?

13:28He lives in a van?

13:29He is the crazy drifter!

13:34Dude, this place is sick.

13:37What's that?

13:39Normoire.

13:40What's that?

13:41Cake plate.

13:42What's that?

13:44Sconce.

13:45Sconce.

13:46Sweet.

13:47You're not going to knock me up, a cougar.

13:51Hello there.

13:53I prefer the term lynx or ocelot.

13:58Dude, she sounds like Shred.

14:02Where's the kitchen?

14:03Why can't Zach and Billy have a relationship?

14:08Look at Ashton and Demi.

14:09Oh, no, no.

14:10This is not a relationship.

14:12We're not having sex anymore.

14:15I'm a mother now.

14:16I have to do what a mother would do.

14:18And my mother never would have slept with him.

14:20Holy crap.

14:21You didn't tell Mom.

14:22Okay.

14:22Zach and I spoke.

14:28And he agreed.

14:29We just need to set boundaries.

14:34Uh-oh.

14:40Look, I like you a lot, but we talked about this.

14:43Remember our whole boundaries conversation?

14:46Yeah, but when you said, don't touch my stuff, I thought you meant like your soy milk in your computer.

14:51No, I meant don't touch my stuff.

14:56Okay, I got it.

15:03Yay, boundaries.

15:09I've made a horrible mistake.

15:11Technically, you've made a series of horrible mistakes.

15:13I feel this weird bond with Zach, which is probably just the hormones, but I have to think of my future, you know?

15:20I mean, I want a husband one day.

15:22One with a checking account and a toothbrush she acquired via purchase rather than dibs.

15:29I just can't believe how complicated everything got.

15:31This?

15:31Oh, this isn't complicated.

15:34What's going to be complicated is when you have to start telling people.

15:38Telling people what?

15:39Oh, hello, boss.

15:41Now, I was just...

15:42I was just involved.

15:43Yeah, of course.

15:45Oh.

15:51You look great.

15:52Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls.

15:55Oh, wait, you do.

15:57Oh, really, you're...

16:00You're glowing.

16:02Did you do something different?

16:03You have no idea.

16:08I thought about us a lot, and I think I'm ready.

16:14Ready?

16:16Now you're ready?

16:17I want us to go to the next level.

16:22Well, what's the next level?

16:25We could live together.

16:26What?

16:27Where?

16:28Sometimes at my place, sometimes at your place.

16:32That's not living together.

16:34It's not?

16:34I miss you.

16:38You should miss me.

16:40I'm fantastic.

16:42There are other men who realize that.

16:45Men who don't keep their emotions hidden like they're nuclear codes.

16:48Available.

16:49Mature men.

16:50It's getting more complicated.

16:51It's getting more complicated.

16:52What are you doing here?

16:55I thought I'd bring you lunch.

16:56I made you a spinach salad.

16:58It's full of iron.

16:58That'll be good for the...

16:59Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

16:59For the baby.

17:00What?

17:00Why doesn't anyone know what ba-ba-ba-ba-ba means?

17:04Baby?

17:04Yeah.

17:05She's having my baby.

17:06Cool, huh?

17:08Wait, who is this clown?

17:10I'm Zach.

17:11I'm the father.

17:12What?

17:12I've got to update my Facebook status.

17:16Wait a minute.

17:16Wait.

17:16You're having this punk's baby?

17:18What is this?

17:18Some desperate cry for help?

17:19Not desperate.

17:20It's empowering.

17:22Hey, who do you think you're talking to?

17:23Are you going to talk to somebody?

17:24You talk to me.

17:25Am I going to have to call security?

17:26Why, he can't handle me yourself, Grandpa?

17:28Oh, he's a fantastic.

17:30Yes.

17:30You should know that I know Krav Maga.

17:31Fine.

17:32Call him.

17:32I'll fight him, too.

17:33Is that James?

17:34Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

17:38What are you doing?

17:40There's no reason you should even care.

17:42I know I've screwed up a lot with you, but I've always cared.

17:50Are you going to eat that salad?

17:52Hey, roomie.

17:58Let me help you with that.

17:59Hey, surprise party.

18:03You met Davis and Ryan, and this is Shane.

18:06He just got out of prison.

18:08Not violent drug-related.

18:10Oh.

18:12Good.

18:12Does he babysit?

18:14Say hi to Billy, guys.

18:15Billy?

18:15Yes, the night is dropped by four.

18:16She doesn't look that old.

18:18Is that not okay that they're here?

18:21Because they were just helping you.

18:22No, that's fine.

18:22I just need to put these groceries away and maybe eat an entire sheet cake.

18:27Don't go in there.

18:28Oh.

18:29Are you freaking kidding me?

18:34What are you, walk around going Hulk hungry?

18:38It was an accident.

18:39But no worries.

18:40Shane thinks he can reattach it.

18:41He learned lots of handyman skills in the joint.

18:43Really?

18:44What is your problem?

18:45You.

18:46You.

18:47You pick me up in a bar.

18:49You call me again.

18:50You have some kind of crazy magic super sperm.

18:52You're like the worst one I'd stand in the history of time.

18:54Hey, right back at you, okay?

18:56I don't know how they did things in your day, but nowadays, girls say stuff like,

18:59Hey, dude, I'm not on the pill.

19:01In my day?

19:05This is still my day.

19:09It's not even lunch in my day.

19:12God, why did I let you move in?

19:14Let me move in?

19:15I don't need to be here.

19:16I was fine on my own.

19:17Oh, yeah, you were thriving.

19:18Why don't you just move back to your old place?

19:20It's parked right outside.

19:21Love to.

19:22Hey, Shawshank, you want to fix that fridge?

19:26I'm packing up your crap.

19:27No, I'm packing up my own crap.

19:34Oh, my God, a nursery.

19:39We painted it lavender because we didn't know what sex the baby is,

19:42and pink plus blue makes lavender.

19:46Shane did the bears.

19:50He's better at skulls, but we went with the bears.

19:53I mean, do you like it?

19:54We can paint it any color you want.

19:56It's wonderful.

19:57So, I'll just get my stuff.

19:58No, you can't.

19:59I mean, please don't.

20:00I really like what you bring to my apartment.

20:06You want me to stay?

20:08Yeah.

20:08I mean, you might want to keep the truck as a nice little pied-a-terre, but...

20:12sure.

20:13Where are you guys going?

20:29Never mind that blow-up.

20:30Just hormones.

20:31It's all good.

20:39Were you using my grandmother's urn as a water pipe?

20:41I just want to say...

21:02I know this is weird, but I'm really glad I met you.

21:06Me too.

21:11Is the floor too hard?

21:13Nah.

21:15This is kind of romantic.

21:19I'm not sleeping with you.

21:21I know.

21:23Okay.

21:26Hey, so what do you want for breakfast?

21:29I can make, uh, eggs florentine, chocolate chip waffles, fruit smoothies.

21:34I love you.

21:35What?

Accidentally on Purpose-Ep1-😂Comedy show

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Accidentally on Purpose😂18😂comedy show

Recommended