- 2 days ago
S1E3
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Guess where I just came from?
00:04Oh, the West Coast.
00:07You left your old job at the dot-com and you decided to come out here and just...
00:11No. No.
00:13No, I meant just now.
00:15But thanks for the recap. It keeps me grounded.
00:19Grady's Market. I haven't been there in years.
00:22It's amazing how nothing changes in this town.
00:24Except for Grady. I don't remember him being a Korean couple.
00:29Oh, no. They bought it from Grady.
00:31Yeah. I figured that out.
00:34It's so great to have a store in walking distance.
00:37Isn't it a lovely walk?
00:38It's a great walk. I actually drove, but...
00:43The people I passed just seem to be so happy, you know, just friendly.
00:48Hey, Ellen. Welcome home. Good to see you. Slow down, you maniac.
00:56Just the sweetest.
01:00Well, our little town is sort of frozen in time, I guess you could say.
01:05Yeah. You know what I want to do later on?
01:07I want to go see old man McIntyre at the candy store.
01:09He's not a Korean couple, too, is he?
01:11Oh, no. But he sold it years ago. Yeah.
01:15It was a bead store there for a while.
01:18Then it was, uh, pet groomers.
01:20Then a nail salon.
01:21And then someone turned it back into a candy store again.
01:25Oh, good. So it has a happy ending.
01:27And then it was ripped down.
01:30That turns very sad again.
01:32But now, I hear they're going to put a new restaurant in.
01:36And get this, it's one of those hot new chains.
01:38PJ Knockers.
01:43PJ Knockers?
01:44I know. Cute name.
01:46No. No, it's not a cute name.
01:49It's a franchise.
01:50You know, where they make those women run around
01:52and barely nothing, shoving their boobs in your face.
01:55Knockers. Get it?
01:57Oh, what?
02:01You don't get it, do you?
02:06No.
02:38Morning, everybody.
02:39Oh, morning, honey.
02:40Good morning, Catherine.
02:41Did you hear about this?
02:43That the old candy store is now PJ Knockers?
02:45Cute name.
02:50No, no, it's not a cute name.
02:52It's the candy store we grew up with, McIntyre's.
02:54Remember, you used to see how many candy cigarettes
02:57you could fit in your mouth?
02:59Okay, how many I could fit in your mouth?
03:04Three packs.
03:08Wow, did we get up to three packs?
03:11Good thing they came out with that little candy patch
03:12or you'd still be hooked.
03:17Well, I, for one,
03:18I'm pretty excited about a new restaurant in town.
03:21Well, you can't be, Catherine.
03:23I mean, you work the lunch counter over at the drugstore.
03:25This is the kind of chain restaurant
03:26that'll put you out of business.
03:28Well, frankly, I wouldn't mind
03:30if they closed the lunch side.
03:31I think I'm getting Carvel Tunnel from the fudge pump.
03:41If I had a dime for every time I heard that phrase,
03:45I'd have a dime.
03:48I think you should talk to your boss about that.
03:51Well, I don't want to rock the boat.
03:52The assistant manager position is open
03:54and I don't want to blow it now.
03:56Oh, good. Are you going for the job?
03:57Are you kidding? I practically asked for it.
03:59So you haven't actually asked for it.
04:02Well, not in so many words.
04:04In any words?
04:06No, no words.
04:09You've got to be more assertive.
04:12You're right.
04:12And that's what I'm going to do.
04:13I'm going to march right in there
04:15and I'm going to tell him what I want.
04:16Good for you.
04:17You give him an ultimatum.
04:18I will.
04:19If he's in a good mood.
04:21And he's not too busy.
04:23And if he brings it up first.
04:26I think you should just leave her alone.
04:28She's got her system and it works for her.
04:30No, it doesn't work.
04:31She's got to get in there and fight
04:33like the people at Clark will do
04:34when they find out about PJ Knockers.
04:36I know these people.
04:37I've driven among them.
04:40You know what?
04:41I'm going to take a stand.
04:42As soon as I get to the school,
04:44I'm going to organize a sit-in.
04:46Can you take a stand when you're sitting?
04:49Oh, well.
04:50They can have a seat.
04:50As long as they don't take it lying down.
04:52That just looks lazy.
04:59Well, hello, Ellen.
05:01I guess somebody must still be on L.A. time.
05:03Oh, sorry.
05:03I was late.
05:04I'm running off some forms.
05:06I'm getting a petition together.
05:07You're not going to believe this.
05:08I just found out they're opening a PJ Knockers here.
05:10Yes.
05:11We've actually already covered that
05:12while you were taking your sweet time.
05:14Oh, well, good.
05:15I'm sorry.
05:16So, how are we going to let them have it?
05:18Well, I thought we'd send them a gift basket
05:21and a thank you note.
05:21Aha!
05:27Is that a Sicilian thing?
05:29Oh.
05:30No, it's an appreciation thing.
05:32You see, they're sponsoring our annual faculty dinner.
05:35Oh, no.
05:36That can't happen.
05:37That's a marketing ploy.
05:38Well, if that means a night of free food and drink,
05:41I think I agree with the faculty here
05:42just marking our brains out.
05:46That's the problem.
05:47They will.
05:48Bit by bit, these big corporations
05:49will suck the life out of this town.
05:52First, it's a chain restaurant.
05:53Then it's a few mini-malls.
05:54But before you know it, they grow into maxi-malls
05:56and they're not so cute anymore.
05:58Especially if you wind up parking on some level like P-8
06:01wedged between a Hummer and a Beamer
06:02and you're trying to squeeze out of the car
06:04and you barely touch the guy's door.
06:07Barely!
06:07And still he leaves a note on your windshield
06:09that says, did you scratch my car?
06:10So you try to, you know, ignore it for a couple of days.
06:13And then the insurance company calls and they say,
06:15did you scratch this guy's car?
06:16And you have to try to act like,
06:17I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
06:23We don't know what the hell you're talking about.
06:26Exactly.
06:27You don't want this kind of life.
06:28It's confusing.
06:29Before you know it, there's crowds and traffic
06:31and a giant Burger King in the middle of town square.
06:33Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:33Burger King!
06:33Now you're moving on.
06:35You're a ball of Burger King.
06:37Don't let this happen to Clark.
06:39Come on, Ellen.
06:40It's not that big a deal.
06:41You're kind of supersizing the whole situation.
06:45PJ Knockers is just a restaurant.
06:47Oh, yeah, it's just a restaurant
06:48where they make women run around
06:50in skimpy little shorts and tight T-shirts
06:52and shove their boobs in your face.
06:54Do they?
06:58Yes, and it's degrading to women.
07:00Am I right, Bunny?
07:02I don't follow.
07:06Bunny, I didn't leave here
07:08so I could come back to some generic theme park.
07:10Clark, come on, with this petition,
07:11I think we can really help save this town.
07:14What do you say?
07:14Okay.
07:16Wow.
07:18Thanks.
07:19That's, that's, that's more like it.
07:21You know, I mean, we're one big family in Clark.
07:24You know, I just, I just don't want us to forget that.
07:28Who are you?
07:30Oh, I'm sorry.
07:32Ellen, this is Pam.
07:33She's our substitute homemaking teacher.
07:35Oh, like the spray.
07:36Hi.
07:38Nice to meet you, Ellen.
07:39I guess some of us just don't have your perspective on this
07:42because, you know, some of us never even left.
07:45Some of us chose to stay here
07:47to teach homemaking to our young
07:48so that they could learn to sew and bake
07:50and make their own belts.
08:02Listen, Pam,
08:03no one enjoys freshly baked belt more than I do.
08:08That's why we need to do this.
08:12Oh.
08:15Thank you so much, everybody.
08:16I really appreciate it.
08:19Thank you very much.
08:22Sleepy, dark, grumpy, sneezy.
08:28Um, Ellen, bad time?
08:30No, no, don't be bashful.
08:32Oh, I wasn't.
08:33I was sneezy.
08:40So that would make bunny duck.
08:45So, how can I help you?
08:46Well, since you're new here,
08:48I just wanted to bring you a little something.
08:50Oh, well, that's sweet.
08:51But I didn't have time,
08:53what with baking this Bundt cake.
08:58So, in lieu of that,
08:59I hope a cheery welcome will do.
09:01Oh, okay.
09:04I hope what you've done with your office.
09:07I like to call it crappy chic.
09:10You know, it's funny.
09:12This was going to be my annex to the home ec kitchen,
09:15but I don't want to bore you with all that.
09:16Oh, well, it'll take more than that to bore me.
09:19Not a lot more, but...
09:24So, uh, what's on your mind?
09:25I want this to be my annex to the home ec kitchen.
09:29I see.
09:30I should have suspected you were here
09:31for something more than just not bringing me a Bundt cake.
09:35Ellen.
09:39I'm being asked to provide all the desserts
09:41for the faculty dinner.
09:42And as I said, this was supposed to be my space.
09:45And I'm still not clear why you even need an office.
09:49Because I'm the guidance counselor?
09:52It wouldn't look right for me
09:53to be lost and wandering the halls.
09:55Those are the people I'm trying to help.
10:02All I'm asking for
10:03is a place to cool my cookies off.
10:12Is that too much to ask?
10:14Is it, Ellen?
10:17No, you can cool your cookies here.
10:19Really?
10:20Yeah.
10:21Oh, thank you.
10:22Okay.
10:22You won't even know I'm here.
10:23Okay.
10:24I just need a little shelf space.
10:25All right.
10:25And listen, if there is anything I can ever do for you...
10:28Oh, like put a real signature on a petition?
10:30Great example.
10:34Please just let me know.
10:41And I understand that they dance on tables.
10:43That can't be hygienic.
10:47Yeah.
10:48And as the Department of Health,
10:50I thought you might be interested in something like that.
10:53Yeah.
10:54You're welcome.
10:55My name is Joan...
10:59Q...
11:00Zach.
11:06He's my brother.
11:08Yeah.
11:10He's adorable.
11:11Yeah.
11:11No, we're not all actors.
11:12Some of us are still waiters.
11:15Hey, get off there.
11:17It was local.
11:19No, I was talking to Kitty.
11:26Ellen?
11:27You remember my friend, Etta?
11:30No, but I remember the dress.
11:31Hi.
11:35Willard's going to announce Etta's birthday tomorrow on the Today Show.
11:38Oh, well, that would make you...
11:40Oh, my.
11:43Listen, I'm still working on shutting down PJ Knockers.
11:45I have called just about everybody in town.
11:47I'm telling you that.
11:48And Miss Cleo to find out how it's going to turn out.
11:51Well, what does she say?
11:53Doesn't look good.
11:54And keep calling, mon.
11:58I told Etta all about those women at the PJ Knockers,
12:01and she's willing to hop on board.
12:03Thank you so much.
12:04We sure could use another signature on the petition.
12:06Oh, I'm a big supporter.
12:08Oh, well, we are sisters in the fight.
12:11Why can't these women learn to stay out of the workplace?
12:23Okay, different fight, but, uh...
12:26I can use the signatures, so...
12:28It's time to give them hell!
12:30Like Harry Truman!
12:32Yep, like Harry Truman!
12:38She signed it Harry Truman, didn't she?
12:40Uh-huh.
12:52Good afternoon, ma'am, and welcome to PJ Knockers.
12:56Is this your first time here?
13:00I'm not really here.
13:01I'm here to serve a petition to the manager.
13:03Oh, fine!
13:05What do you think of our knockers?
13:09Excuse me?
13:10Our knockers, what do you think?
13:12They're jammed in there.
13:13Yeah.
13:16We suddenly got a rush of business.
13:18It's almost like somebody called everybody in town
13:21and told them about the place.
13:22Ha!
13:24Ha!
13:26Anyway, the manager will be right with you.
13:28Why don't you have a seat at the bar?
13:30It's the best day!
13:43Hey, keep your anger.
13:47Okay, Mr. Manager, do you know what's going on here?
13:49It's the best day, Mr. Manager, do you know what's going on here?
13:54I know what I'm going on here.
13:55A celebration for all throughout the year.
13:59So bring your good times.
14:01Can I take your drink order?
14:03Catherine?
14:04What are you doing here?
14:06I work here.
14:07Come on, now!
14:15What are you doing?
14:16Well, I gave him an ultimatum at the pharmacy,
14:18and I've got to tell you, it just felt so empowering,
14:21just like you said it would.
14:23I did?
14:23I said it would.
14:24I don't remember saying it would.
14:25I don't remember that.
14:25Excuse me, ma'am.
14:26I remember saying that they tore down the old candy place,
14:29and I remember you using the phrase fudge pump,
14:31but then that's all I remember.
14:34Yeah, that was about my carpal tunnel.
14:35Yeah, so that happened, and then some other stuff happened,
14:38and now you're naked.
14:40Oh, you're funny.
14:43No, they didn't give me the promotion,
14:45so I quit the pharmacy, and I got a job here.
14:48So what do you think?
14:49Well, I think you should quit.
14:52What?
14:53Quit.
14:54I'm sorry, Ellen, but I've got a job to do right now,
14:57and it does not involve taking orders from you.
15:00Now, can I take your order?
15:04Yes.
15:06Quit.
15:07Would you drop this off at table six?
15:09Sure.
15:12Okay, Ellen.
15:15Ah, ah, ah, Ben from the knees.
15:16Ben from the knees.
15:17You're back.
15:17She's got a bad back.
15:18Careful, careful.
15:19Let me just help you with that right there.
15:21Here.
15:21Ellen, you're...
15:22It's okay.
15:22Hey, Ben.
15:24Ellen, stop it.
15:25It's very chilly in here.
15:26I think you need a tablecloth around you,
15:28because it's chilly.
15:29She gets very chilly.
15:30Ellen, please.
15:34Hold on.
15:34All right, bye.
15:35Hey, Ellen.
15:36I just got a call from the GM over PJ Knockers.
15:39That's the general manager.
15:40I know what it is.
15:41Yeah.
15:42And, uh, he mentioned that your sister's been hired over there,
15:45so I guess this means you'll be dropping the whole fight.
15:47No, it makes it worse.
15:48Of course they hired her.
15:49You don't see them hiring Rusty.
15:50Well, I don't exactly have the right credentials.
15:55Exactly.
15:55They're not going to put you in a tight T-shirt
15:56and have you wiggle around the dining room.
15:58I meant I've never been a waiter.
16:02You don't think I'd look good in a T-shirt?
16:05Ellen, this event is one of the few perks of my job,
16:08and you ought to keep that in mind if you like yours.
16:11Is that a threat, Mr. Munn?
16:13It didn't start out to be, but, you know,
16:16now that I think about it, sure, you could take it that way.
16:20Are you saying I'm fat?
16:24Well, for what it's worth, Ellen, I dig where you're coming from.
16:28Right on, Bunny.
16:30It's nice to have somebody who really gets it.
16:33Yeah, I have a feeling we're not as different as you think.
16:36Because, Ellen, I have a bigger head than most people.
16:41Say, um, on Thursday, there's a place over in Patterson
16:44that has foxy boxing in case you ever just want to kick back
16:47and watch some chicks wail on each other.
16:55Actually, I'm, uh, against women wailing.
16:59Any kind of wailing, really.
17:02So, other than that, same page.
17:05Glad we connected.
17:06Is that what happened?
17:08Oh, sorry, Ron.
17:11Decision to let you use my office.
17:15Oh, don't mind us, Ellen.
17:16Just make yourself at home.
17:18Don't slam.
17:19I wasn't going to slam, Pam.
17:24You want to tell me what's going on here?
17:25Oh, yes, thank you, because I have to get back to class.
17:28These have to come out in 20 minutes,
17:30and these you have to turn slightly when golden.
17:32Not brown, but golden.
17:34What if they're golden brown?
17:37Well, then you've ruined it, haven't you?
17:40Yes, I have.
17:40I've ruined it.
17:42Uh, listen, you said a little shelf space.
17:43How am I supposed to work in here?
17:44I would recommend potholders.
17:48I'd recommend a new annex.
17:52Hello, cupcake.
17:54Mom, what are you doing here?
17:55Ellen, oh, hi.
18:01I just came to see your office.
18:03Well, it's not really a good time, as you can see.
18:05I've got a lot on my plate.
18:07And on my seat, as it turns out.
18:09Ellen, I'm worried about your sister.
18:11I am, too.
18:12I don't know what to do.
18:13I'll tell you what you should do.
18:14You should support her.
18:15Oh, great idea.
18:16Why don't I just get up there and do a table dance with her?
18:18If it would make her happy, then yes, you should.
18:22That place represents everything I'm against.
18:24What am I supposed to do, just turn that off?
18:26You're darn right.
18:27No, I meant this.
18:27Should I turn this off?
18:28Is this what I'm doing?
18:31Does that look brown, Mar?
18:32I don't think you realize how much your disapproval of your sister hurts her.
18:37You need to let her know that she's more important than your latest soapbox.
18:40You want small-town values, those are them.
18:42Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
18:45Well, you're just going to have to come up with an idea.
18:48Did you get one?
18:50Did you get one?
19:01That was the oven.
19:04Go slam!
19:07What?
19:08I...
19:08Never mind.
19:09Oh.
19:14Hey, you.
19:16You're back.
19:17Yeah, I'm back.
19:17I'm here to support my sister.
19:19We've got a birthday!
19:24It's your birthday.
19:26Don't be afraid.
19:27It's your birthday.
19:28Okay, time to get laid!
19:32It's going to be harder than I thought.
19:43Catherine?
19:44Hey, Catherine, down here!
19:46Leave me alone.
19:47I don't need you making fun of where I work.
19:49I'm not...
19:50I'm not making...
19:52I'm not making fun.
19:54I'm having fun.
19:55Look at me.
19:56Woo!
19:56Fun!
19:57Fun, fun, fun.
20:00Dangerous fun, but it's fun.
20:01You should have these tables bolted down.
20:04See, Ellen, that's just it.
20:05You're always telling me what to do.
20:06Don't say that.
20:07Unless you want to.
20:09Do you have any idea what it's like trying to live your entire life in the shadow of someone
20:13who always gets it right?
20:14I just wanted you to respect me.
20:18I just wanted you to respect me.
20:19I do respect you.
20:20I do.
20:21Oh, please.
20:22I can't even get a promotion at a pharmacy where I'm the only employee.
20:26I can't live up to your standard.
20:28Do you know how much I look up to you?
20:30Oh, give me a raise.
20:32I do.
20:32You just...
20:33You trust people?
20:34I mean, I trust people, too.
20:35But hey, watch the hands, buddy.
20:38The point is, I'm your big sister.
20:39I'm going to tell you what to do.
20:41It's in the job description.
20:42It doesn't mean you have to listen to any of it.
20:44Really?
20:45Really.
20:47Now, I think you should keep this job.
20:50Well, in that case, let's get out of here.
20:52Let's get out of here.
20:55Leave it so soon?
20:58No.
20:59Okay.
21:19This is the worst faculty dinner ever.
21:23Well, it's certainly not my fault these cookies are gold and black.
21:28So much for the main courses.
21:31What are the odds that the health inspector is just going to show up out of the blue and
21:34shut down PJ Knockers?
21:36Don't blame me, Eric.
21:37It was Joan Cusack who made the call.
21:40Well, at least your sister got her promotion at the pharmacy.
21:43Yeah, that was a lucky break, actually.
21:44They fired the replacement guy for raiding the Prozac drawer.
21:48How'd he take it?
21:49Pretty well.
21:50Pretty well.
21:53Yeah.
22:11Well, let's get out of here.
22:15Bye-bye.
22:16Bye-bye.
22:16Bye-bye.
22:16Bye-bye.
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