- 8 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Left channel, right channel.
00:04The audience is laughing.
00:11Get up, get on up.
00:13Get up, get on up.
00:15Stay on the scene.
00:16Get on up like a sex machine.
00:22Guys, you've been living here for two months.
00:25I mean, how many more pictures do you need of that?
00:28Check it out, Mom.
00:29Now, every time you open your phone,
00:31you'll see Uncle Freddy scratching his butt.
00:32Ah, very nice.
00:34Okay, you can get dressed now.
00:36We'll cool you.
00:38Oh, Freddy, Freddy, be careful with that coat.
00:41It's the last thing your brother gave me before he died.
00:44Well, not that exact coat.
00:45The one he gave me I exchanged for a gift certificate,
00:47which I cashed in for a trip to Vegas,
00:49but I really like that coat.
00:52Here, put on your robe.
00:55What are you doing with my robe?
00:57Oh, this is the man's robe.
01:00Women, wear your women things.
01:02I'll wear the man things.
01:05And, Grandma, you keep wearing that little number.
01:08Mom, I'm going to meet some friends at the mall.
01:22Peace out.
01:23Uh, no, not until you change your top.
01:26And, listen, Uncle Freddy, do you think this looks slutty?
01:28Mom says I can't show my bra strap.
01:30Simple.
01:31Lose the bra.
01:32Um, you know, she tried that.
01:35I told her to go peek at Grandma in the shower sometime.
01:37Then, when she stops crying, come back and talk to me.
01:41Don't do it, Zoe.
01:43I peeked once when I was little.
01:45Looked like she had four arms.
01:48Go see what else you got.
01:49We'll talk to your mom.
01:50Sofina, you've got to give the kid a break.
01:56She's just been through a divorce.
01:57If you're not going to let her drink, at least let her be a little slutty.
02:02She's 13.
02:03Look, all her friends are rocking the bra strap.
02:05Don't make her be a dork like you were.
02:08Hey.
02:10Deja tu hermana tranquila.
02:11Ella es buena madre.
02:12Yeah, you tell him, Grandma.
02:13I don't understand a word she's saying, but it seems like the hint is coming my way.
02:24I'm off to work.
02:27Hola, Marinos.
02:29In here, Chris.
02:30Freddy, you're going to love this.
02:32Guess who I just saw at the gym?
02:34Tammy's boyfriend.
02:36Crying like a little girl.
02:37She just broke up with him.
02:38That's great.
02:39It's about time she broke up with that self-obsessed jerk.
02:42Oh, oh, oh, hey, hey.
02:44Check out this picture of my butt.
02:49Freddy, I know she's a hot blonde.
02:51Totally your type, but you can't date Tammy.
02:53It's the golden rule.
02:54You don't date people you work with.
02:56That is not the golden rule.
02:57The golden rule is do unto others and whatever, and then there's something else after that.
03:02You're the one in med school.
03:03You're supposed to be smart.
03:04I'm serious.
03:05You're one of the best-known chefs in Chicago.
03:07You shouldn't be dating your hostess.
03:09You could jeopardize everything you've worked for.
03:11Relax, Sophie.
03:11I'm a big boy now.
03:13I know the right thing to do.
03:16What's the right thing to do?
03:18I want Tammy so bad.
03:21What would you do if Sophia wasn't here?
03:24I'd ask her out.
03:26Then do it.
03:27You move these women into your house, and they're changing your entire life.
03:30They've already taken your office and your game room.
03:33They must be stopped.
03:36They haven't taken everything.
03:38I still have my wine room and my pool table.
03:41Huh.
03:45Okay.
03:46Combo.
03:47Side pocket.
03:48I'm still the king.
03:55This is still my castle.
04:00Look.
04:01When my brother died, I realized I lost contact with everybody I loved.
04:06Now that they're all here, I feel like I have a family again.
04:11So you're saying it's perfect?
04:12No, it's killing me.
04:16Now I can't do all the fun, stupid stuff because my big sister's all over me.
04:20You know what?
04:21I'm going to ask Tammy out.
04:23I mean, what kind of a life am I living if I can't follow my heart?
04:29You should follow your heart.
04:31To wherever they are keeping your manhood.
04:34They're turning you into a chick.
04:38Yeah?
04:39Well, can a chick do this?
04:42Oh.
04:43You didn't call any of that.
04:56You want to break the rest of the sticks or should we move the table across the hall to my place?
05:01We'll move it, but give me a second.
05:03I kind of hurt myself.
05:07When I was a little boy
05:08About to hear you fine
05:11My mother felt me
05:14Great in the male life
05:17Now I'm a man
05:20Now I'm a man
05:23Oh
05:25Oh
05:41You look so hot in that dress
05:45How you doing?
05:50You're going to be a great doctor
05:51Wow
05:52Good looking and rich
05:54Two out of three
05:56What's the third thing?
06:00Okay, the fact that you can't figure it out is a clue
06:02Okay, I don't
06:05I don't get that
06:06Dude, I just hit on your sister
06:12She gave me a riddle
06:13Get lost
06:15Seems like a riddle to you
06:16But it's not
06:17Terry
06:19I heard you broke up with your boyfriend
06:21I'm really sorry
06:23No, you're not
06:24You're going to ask me out
06:25You're good
06:27Where am I taking you?
06:31I don't know, but it has to be tonight
06:32Otherwise I have midterms and the night shift for the next couple weeks
06:35Mmm, tonight
06:36Well
06:37I was going to scrapbook
06:39But
06:41If it's the only time you have free
06:43Pick me up at nine
06:44Again
06:46Sorry about the boyfriend
06:48Hey there
06:55Saw you with Tammy
06:57She seemed pretty happy about whatever you two were talking about
07:00I told her a joke
07:02The one about the snooping older sister
07:04Who didn't trust her younger brother
07:06And got killed
07:07By curiosity
07:08The cat
07:09Sophia
07:12Listen, I came by to say I'm sorry
07:14I can't watch Zoe this weekend
07:16Why not?
07:17I'm moving to Mexico for a year
07:18Wow
07:20That's kind of huge
07:22Yeah, it's going to be fun
07:23I rented out my house
07:24I'm taking a sabbatical from work
07:25So
07:26Thanks for everything
07:28I'll write from Cabo
07:29Oh, I'm just going to take this to go
07:32I'm parked in a handicapped spot
07:33Oh, great
07:37Now I don't have anybody to watch Zoe this weekend
07:40I hate to ask, but can you do it?
07:45This weekend?
07:46Like
07:46Tonight?
07:48I promised Grandma I'd take her to the Indian Bingo Palace in Des Moines
07:53Why can't she play with R&Ds here in Chicago?
07:56They're nice
07:56Yeah, but they don't have triple jackpot wigwam sundae
08:00Then I guess I'm watching Zoe
08:03Ah, you are the best
08:05Chris
08:08It's not going to work out with me and Tammy tonight
08:11How about you come over to my place?
08:12Place record, smoke some cigars, what do you say?
08:14Sounds good
08:15Good?
08:16I may have to leave for like six hours, but Zoe will keep you company
08:19Oh, hey
08:32In poker, that's called a flush
08:35That's good
08:37Raise them
08:38I'm up 300 bucks because I don't scare people out of the pots
08:43We
08:43We are up 300 bucks
08:46We're a team
08:47It's my credit card
08:49Go play in the living room
08:52You're distracting me
08:53Whoa
09:01Chris?
09:04Hey, what are you doing here so late?
09:06You first
09:07I thought you guys were spending the night in Des Moines
09:09Well, Grandma put a curse on the bingo collar
09:12And they kicked us out
09:13Esos indios tramposos
09:16Where's Freddy?
09:19Chris, check it out
09:20I just flopped the nut flush
09:22Zoe, what are you doing up?
09:30It's one o'clock in the morning
09:31Are you playing online poker?
09:37Where's your uncle?
09:39Uh, Chris?
09:47I'm not gonna lie to you, Sophie
09:48You heard me
09:53Oh, all right
09:58Uh, I'll get rid of Chris
10:01Then we'll get some wine
10:03And listen to music
10:04But we have to keep our voices down
10:06Because my niece is asleep
10:08Change of plans?
10:18There's gonna be a lot of yelling
10:19I can't believe you left Zoe with Chris
10:24So you could go on a date
10:25Okay, hang on
10:26I can explain this
10:27Tammy, can you give us a minute?
10:28There's probably some coffee on in the kitchen
10:30It's no big deal
10:33Zoe loves hanging out with Chris
10:35I don't mind her being with Chris
10:37As long as there's an adult present
10:38Why did you lie to me?
10:42Because I knew you'd give me crap
10:43For going out with Tammy
10:44Grandma, what are you doing?
10:53Take it down
11:01You're gonna freak Tammy out
11:03Popo, he was in a wheelchair
11:15Look what you started, Sophie
11:26You can't tell me who I can and can't date
11:28You haven't changed since high school
11:30You never think anything through
11:31And you always pick girls
11:32Who can get you in trouble
11:33You are inveterate
11:35That's not the point
11:37And maybe not even a word
11:38Freddie, look
11:43What if it ends badly?
11:45You could end up getting this girl fired
11:47They're not gonna fire her
11:48She's a great hostess
11:49Oh, come on
11:51Yesterday I saw her
11:52Try to put a dwarf in a high chair
11:53One mistake
11:57And just so you know
11:58The way little Tony drinks
12:00He needs to be strapped in
12:01But let's say Tammy is an idiot
12:06It doesn't matter
12:07I could date a babbling monkey if I want
12:09It's none of your business
12:10An idiot?
12:11Why, because I'm blonde?
12:13I have a 3.7 GPA
12:14Tammy, I didn't mean that the way it sounded
12:17I'm working on my master's
12:18In hospitality and management
12:20I'd like to see a monkey run a hotel
12:22You're right
12:23I saw that in a movie once
12:25It was really bad
12:25Come on, let me drive you home
12:28I'll take a cab
12:29You are such a jerk
12:30You know, at least with the bad guys
12:32You see it come
12:32Well
12:38You wanted to do something nice for me
12:40For taking you in
12:41Congratulations
12:42You did it
12:43Oh, no, no
12:45You screwed up
12:46Don't blame me
12:47Hey, if your life hadn't blown up
12:49You wouldn't be here
12:49Sticking your nose in my business
12:51And none of this would have happened
12:52Well, that's easy to take care of
12:56Zoe and I will be out in a week
12:58And you're a kippy grandma
13:04Sophia
13:08Tammy, Allison?
13:18You're supposed to be on a plane to Mexico
13:20What happened?
13:20The bank canceled my credit cards
13:22Repoed my car
13:23Foreclosed on my house
13:24So I'm gonna take a bath
13:26Can I borrow your toaster?
13:28How could they foreclose on your house?
13:39You said you were renting it out
13:40I lied, okay?
13:42I haven't been to work since Joe died
13:45How can you go through all your money in six months?
13:51I was filling a very painful void in my life at Bloomingdale's
13:54I'm on fire
13:56Calm down
13:58It's gonna be all right
13:59No, no, it is not gonna be all right
14:03For the past week
14:04I have been so depressed
14:05I have barely left my house
14:06The doctor has me so pumped full of drugs
14:09My street value went up
14:10Okay, let's sit down for a second
14:13Look, you gotta stop
14:20Now, most of the women I've talked to tonight
14:25Have run out screaming
14:26But I'm gonna give this a shot
14:27First
14:28I should have paid closer attention to you
14:31After my brother died
14:32To make sure you were doing all right
14:33But in my defense
14:35Being around you
14:37Is like living in a nightmare
14:40You said it just like Joe when you said that
14:46Oh, okay, okay
14:49Here's the plan
14:50We're gonna get you on your feet
14:52And back to work
14:53In the meantime
14:54God help me
14:56You move in here
14:58Freddie, that's sweet
15:01But I don't think I could live with these women
15:04They're kinda needy
15:06You're staying
15:11When my mother moved to Florida
15:13You and Joe let me sleep on your couch
15:15So I could go to culinary school
15:17You were there for me
15:18You even gave me those little, uh
15:21Caffeine pills
15:22When I was exhausted during finals
15:24You're so cute
15:28No, that was speed
15:30Yo, Chris
15:35I found the perfect thing
15:36To replace the pool table
15:37In the wine room
15:38A hard-drinking sister-in-law
15:40Shh
15:42There's a girl here
15:44I'm sorry
15:45I'm getting out of here
15:45I'm just glad last night
15:47It worked out for one of us
15:48Tammy misunderstood something I said
15:50And ran out all upset
15:51I know if I could just talk to her
15:53We could
15:54Work this out
15:56So, Tammy
16:00You wanna get back together?
16:01I think we have something
16:02Really special here
16:03Freddie, please
16:06Don't make me get a restraining order
16:08Thanks, Chris
16:10You
16:10You are great
16:12Okay
16:21It's clear now
16:25You don't date someone from work
16:27I didn't know that
16:30Cause I don't work
16:31But we won't make this mistake again
16:35Will we?
16:40I am so tired of my charm
16:42Getting you laid
16:44Hey
16:58Hey
16:59What are you doing?
17:02Looking for a place
17:04No, no
17:04No, you're not
17:06Look
17:06I made a huge mistake
17:09Letting Chris watch Zoe
17:11From now on
17:12If I say I'm watching her
17:14I'm watching her
17:15Especially if you have to take grandma
17:17To play bingo again
17:18We won't be taking grandma gambling for a while
17:23She's been blacklisted
17:24By the entire Meskwaki nation
17:26And about Tammy
17:31She called
17:32And wanted to get back together
17:33But I told her
17:34Forget it
17:35No woman
17:36Is worth you and me fighting
17:38Hey
17:41I'm worried
17:42You're not gonna get Tammy fired
17:44Cause I had sex with her last night
17:45Are you?
17:49Not at all
17:50Thanks again, Chris
17:52Bye
17:53Oh, you are so busted
17:58Why can't you just admit I'm right?
18:00Dating the wrong girl
18:01Is way worse
18:02When it's somebody you work with
18:03She wasn't the wrong girl
18:05She was a nice girl
18:06Who just got upset with me
18:07Went over to my best friend's apartment
18:08And had sex with him
18:10Alright, you're not totally wrong
18:11Thank you
18:14Look
18:18Zoe and I weren't really going to leave
18:20These aren't the classifieds
18:23They're the obituaries
18:24Grandma makes me highlight her enemies
18:27So we're good?
18:35Yeah
18:35But I don't want to go through this again
18:39So
18:39We're gonna have to set up some ground rules
18:41Now, I'm the older sister
18:43So
18:43As long as I'm living under your roof
18:45You'll do what I say
18:46That's not how it goes
18:49I know it's your house
18:51But you gotta let me contribute something
18:52Let me be bossy
18:54I'm good at that
18:55And you need it
18:57No, I don't
18:59Remember how you always used to tell me
19:01Not to jump my skateboard off the roof?
19:03Mm-hmm
19:03Well
19:04If I hadn't
19:05Broke both my ankles
19:06I wouldn't have spent that summer
19:08Cooking with Grandma
19:08And I wouldn't be a chef
19:09Stupid works for me
19:11So you're never gonna listen?
19:16Don't say never
19:17Remember, I am capable of changing
19:19Because I am not confirmed in a habit
19:22Or firmly established in a chronic behavior
19:24Typified by long persistence
19:25See, habitual
19:27Oh
19:28You looked up inveterate, didn't you?
19:34Allegedly
19:35Okay, and Allison
19:40It's done to you and Uncle Freddy
19:42This is for the game
19:43All right, Allison
19:46You'll be sculpting a thing
19:48Okay
19:49You have 30 seconds
19:51And Grandma is your new partner
19:52Grandma?
19:53Anda
19:54Una caja
19:58No
19:58Un rectángulo
19:59Uh, hongos
20:01Árboles
20:02Una casa
20:03I think she's getting close
20:04Hefe
20:06Clavos
20:08Pollos
20:08Pollos
20:09Did she say Stonehenge?
20:10Stonehenge
20:10Stonehenge
20:11You gave her the answer
20:14You cheated
20:15We win
20:16No
20:17You guys set me up
20:18You gave me Stonehenge and Maria
20:19From West Side Story
20:20I'm going to bed
20:23Me too
20:23Good night
20:24Good night
20:25What are you doing, Zoe?
20:34My mom snores
20:35So I'm going to start sleeping on the couch
20:37Dad, we were going to watch a movie
20:39And sometimes I have dates over
20:41Too bad
20:42Okay
20:46All right, fine
20:48But, uh
20:49There's something you should know
20:51Last night
20:55Before I went to bed
20:56I came out here
20:58And your Uncle Joe's ghost
21:00Was sitting right there
21:01Watching Sports Center
21:02No, he wasn't
21:06Yes, he was
21:09But it's okay
21:10He said he loves you
21:11And that he misses all of us
21:13Then
21:15He did the weirdest thing
21:17He pulled out his eyes
21:22And put them in the Evil Eater
21:24So he'd always be out here
21:32Watching over us
21:34I gotta go
21:44Looking good
21:50Looking good
21:50Looking good
21:51Looking good
21:52Looking good
21:53Looking good
21:54Looking good
21:55Looking good
21:56Looking good
21:57Looking good
21:58Looking good
22:02Looking good
22:03Looking good
22:04Looking good
22:06Looking good
22:07Looking good
22:08Looking good
22:09Looking good
22:10Looking good
22:11Looking good
22:12Looking good
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22:14Looking good
22:14Looking good
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