- 2 days ago
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00hey what are you doing daddy said a bad word so we're making him take a time out
00:10for a whole hour oh wow sitting on the couch reading the paper
00:20that must be really hard for daddy
00:24well you know sure i kind of had it coming i mean the one thing that would make it worse is
00:32no it's too horrible all right i'll say it please girls don't force chips and beer on me
00:41chips and beer no not the cold ones in the back
00:54the hell happened oh all right kids
01:19i am so glad you're home the girls are still sick and i've got to pee i've been holding in all day
01:27where was that bladder control when we drove to wisconsin
01:30where's kyle
01:37take the spin cycle it makes him sleepy
01:45big-a-boo
01:49guys speed john but
01:53oh my little girl's doing huh what's the matter baby oh she's gonna throw up
02:06oh oh uh cheryl grace is gonna throw up deal with it uh i'm not the throw up person i'm gonna take out the trash guy
02:18you don't do that either
02:21here you go baby
02:25oh god i remember doing this with your mother after an aerosmith concert
02:38well nothing coming out
02:43okay i think it's a false alarm honey
02:47there you go
02:49would you clear off this table please
02:51honey
02:52i just made dinner i only have two hands
02:56and i only have one
02:59yeah well whose fault is that
03:01yours
03:02you don't have to sneak up on me in the shower
03:06i don't know in the movies the women love it
03:10yeah well in the movies it's russell crow
03:13oh thank god adult food
03:20oh
03:21mommy you promised you would be mad a lot
03:24you said you would call with me
03:27oh honey
03:27no me first
03:28okay hey girls you know what
03:32if you don't go upstairs and get in bed right now
03:36santa won't come tonight
03:38what
03:43you'll deal with it tomorrow
03:45i'm sorry it's just that it's been like this all day they're
03:58they're sick and they're cranky and they're driving me nuts
04:01well i got two words for you honey
04:03tv
04:04no
04:06come on honey
04:07put a tv in their room
04:09and you won't hear a peep out of them
04:12jim we promised ourselves we would never do that
04:15we promised ourselves we wouldn't do a lot of things
04:18like not go to bed mad or
04:20with other people or something like that
04:22hey guys
04:26oh oh you're eating
04:28oh it's okay you can watch
04:30i i have something to say
04:35and i i need you both to listen
04:37i'm in therapy
04:39since when
04:42for about a month
04:43and i really feel like i'm getting acquainted with the andy deep inside
04:48therapy huh
04:50you mean like
04:51nice
04:55nice
04:55no it's all right cheryl
04:57dr gamble and i felt it'd be helpful if uh
05:01my two sisters join me
05:03oh andy i'd love to but the girls are still sick so i'm kind of stuck here
05:08well maybe jim could watch them
05:10oh
05:10what you want me to babysit
05:13you do know it's not babysitting when they're your own kids
05:18you've been talking to that mom down the street haven't you
05:23the fancy one with a job
05:26well i'm sorry honey but some of us just like to be the best parents we can be
05:33now if you'll excuse me i think my baby's done
05:38so cheryl picked me up
05:47dried the blood off my nose
05:49and told me everything was gonna be all right
05:52you're fortunate to have such a wonderful wonderful sister
05:56i don't know if i'm wonderful wonderful
05:59hello everyone
06:03hi i'm dana
06:05dana you're late
06:06you know you could have called
06:08yeah well maybe i was waiting outside working up the courage to walk in that door
06:14and bare my soul
06:15yeah cheryl
06:17what's in the bag
06:18new shoes
06:19interesting dana that you would stop to buy shoes knowing you'd be late
06:25not really once you get to know me
06:28is it because you don't feel pretty on the inside
06:33it's okay dana i don't feel so pretty on the inside either
06:38i'm fine
06:42before you came in we were talking about the time you punched andy in the face
06:48which time
06:49my sixth birthday mom promised me the flower on the cake the big one you you took it and only ate half of it and then gave the rest of the dog
07:02then you punched me
07:04then you punched me
07:05your friends thought it was funny
07:08it was my flower and and you took it
07:12how does it make you feel andy
07:14i feel violated and ignored and and discarded
07:17i feel attacked and betrayed
07:20i'm fine
07:24hey beauty
07:33hey
07:34what's going on where are the kids
07:38in the room
07:39are they okay
07:41oh yeah they're fine
07:43they've been up there all evening
07:45haven't heard a peep out of them
07:48how was dr booga booga
07:51well
07:54i'm fine
07:55and andy's really open up he even cried
08:03well big deal i make andy cry every day at work
08:07for 150 bucks an hour i'll make him crap his pants
08:10mmm
08:16mmm
08:17it's good
08:18you like it
08:19yeah
08:19good because we got a three gallon box in the kitchen
08:22wow
08:30it's nice huh
08:32would you listen to that
08:34i don't hear any kids whining or fighting or yelling
08:41you put the tv in their room
08:46uh huh
08:47and i got a bunch of stuff finished
08:49like what
08:50peanuts
08:52jim
08:58what
09:22hey
09:23hey
09:23all right i guess it's okay but only till they're better
09:27absolutely
09:28absolutely
09:28okay
09:29cheryl
09:31come to the dark side
09:35oh i'm so relaxed
09:46oh i'm so relaxed
09:47it's starting to worry me
09:49yeah
09:50yeah
09:50i'm starting to remember what it was like before we had kids
09:54you mean back when we could both fit in the tub
09:58yeah you really let yourself go
10:00yeah you really let yourself go
10:02oh
10:04eww
10:05look
10:06why do you always think i want to see that
10:09can we get the ben and hill collection
10:13it's not someone's doors
10:15all right
10:17that is it
10:19girls i'll work on it
10:20i'll work on it
10:21it's good girls
10:22jim ruby's been back at school for three days
10:26no more tv in their room
10:27oh come on cheryl
10:29look at our lives
10:30we're living like movie stars
10:31jim
10:33they're eating chips and chocolate
10:35and drinking sodas in bed
10:37i don't even know if they're brushing their teeth anymore
10:39honey
10:39they're not gonna keep those teeth anyway
10:42this whole thing is spinning out of control
10:45we have to draw the line somewhere
10:47and i am drawing it at television
10:49since when do you get to draw the line
10:51because i am the throw up person
10:54and the throw up person gets to draw the line
10:56what about the take out the trash guy
11:00you don't get to be the take out the trash guy
11:03unless you actually take out the trash
11:05that's not my understanding of the title
11:08look jim
11:12we agreed on certain things when we became a family
11:15like
11:15like we always eat dinner together
11:17yes
11:18even when i've already eaten
11:20and i would stay home to raise the kids
11:23and that i would let you
11:25and we'd always wear seatbelts
11:29absolutely
11:31and you would give up riding your motorcycle
11:33if you don't have the belts on
11:36the car's not going
11:37jim
11:40yes
11:42have you been riding your motorcycle
11:44i don't recall any such promise or discussion thereof
11:45june 27th 1995 the night ruby was born
11:49you sat next to my hospital bed with tears in your eyes
11:51and you promised me you would never ever ride that thing ever again
11:54you sat next to my hospital bed with tears in your eyes
11:57and you promised me you would never ever ride that thing ever again
11:59touche
12:01touche
12:10touche
12:14touche
12:16touche
12:22touche
12:27No, no, no, no more TV.
12:41Come on.
12:42Girls, you watch The Little Mermaid one more time, she'll die.
12:47Did you hear that?
12:52I think it's raining candy outside.
12:54Oh, go get it, go get it.
12:59We really should have them tested.
13:03Well, here's the TV.
13:05It's not in the kids' room anymore.
13:07Just like we decided, you and me, together.
13:12Us.
13:15Oh, don't give me that.
13:18Ah, come on, honey, get off my back here, okay?
13:20I'm not gonna sell that bike.
13:23No!
13:24No, I'm serious, I'm not gonna get rid of it.
13:29Okay, okay, okay, okay, well, just let me finish, all right?
13:35I'm a guy, I got two feet, and I'm putting one down now.
13:44Come on.
13:47Honey, you think the Lone Ranger would sell Trigger?
13:51All right, I know it's not Trigger, it's, uh, you're messing with my mind, Cheryl.
14:00Now, listen, honey, I've been driving that bike since 1984.
14:05I mean, it means so much to me.
14:07It means it's as much a part of my life as the washer and dryer is to you.
14:11It took me to kindergarten, and when I got into the room, I realized it wasn't really underwear day.
14:30Dana, why are you reading while Andy's sharing his feelings?
14:39Because no one in my building gets this magazine.
14:44Andy, how does that make you feel?
14:46Makes me a little, you know, mad.
14:50Well, tell Dana.
14:53Dana, please put down the magazine.
14:55You know what?
15:00You're a jerk.
15:05What?
15:05You heard me.
15:07You're a mean, self-centered jerk.
15:10Oh, jeez, Andy.
15:35Oh, very, very good.
15:38Okay, you guys ready?
15:39Here's another one.
15:40Look, I'm an elephant.
15:44This is how I walk.
15:47Oh, stampede!
15:51Stampede!
15:53Okay, Cheryl, it's done.
15:55The bike is up on its stand.
15:57I drained the gas and the oil, and I covered her up.
16:00Oh.
16:00The only problem is I just can't find the keys.
16:03Oh.
16:04All right, here's the keys.
16:06Back.
16:07Oh, honey, thank you.
16:11I know how hard that was for you, and I really appreciate it.
16:15All right.
16:16More, Mommy.
16:18Do another.
16:19Oh, oh, oh, I have one.
16:22Look, I'm a daddy, and this is how I walk.
16:26Oh, very good.
16:31Oh, very funny.
16:33Oh, very funny.
16:34I don't do that.
16:35I do other things, too.
16:37When?
16:38All right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
16:39Let's do, look, I'm a mommy.
16:41This is how I walk.
16:42Oh.
16:42Ah, it's sweet, honey.
16:45I'll see.
16:54Whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:55Okay, okay.
16:57Look, I'm a birdie, and this is how I walk.
17:01Birdies don't walk, they fly.
17:03Do it.
17:03No, no, no, no, no, Ruby, honey.
17:08You look, I'm a mommy.
17:09Come on, do that again.
17:11Ruby, sweetie, we're doing birdies now.
17:14Birdies!
17:16What's this, honey?
17:18I'm mommy smoking a cigarette.
17:21You are?
17:24Look, I'm a hypocrite.
17:27Smokey, smokey, smokey.
17:32Keys, please.
17:33You girls play good.
17:52Hey, sweetie.
17:58Honey, you know how you saw mommy smoking?
18:02Mm-hmm.
18:04And I know that you know that smoking is bad, and what mommy did was wrong, right?
18:12Well, mommy is not very proud of herself.
18:17Why?
18:17Because sometimes mommies do things that aren't very smart.
18:28And sometimes daddies do things that aren't very smart.
18:33Why?
18:34Because they have the emotional maturity of a six-year-old.
18:37You know how you love jawbreakers.
18:45Yeah, but you know they're not good for you because they can break your teeth.
18:51And even though we told you you couldn't have them anymore, we found that one under your pillow?
18:59That wasn't mine.
19:01Okay, Ruby.
19:01Do you know who really hates smoking?
19:13Who?
19:13Who?
19:13Who?
19:14Who?
19:14Who?
19:14The Surgeon General.
19:17Who?
19:19Santa.
19:20Hey, Cheryl.
19:25You know, I wanted to ask you that smoked ham we had last night.
19:41Was it regular ham when you bought it?
19:46You know, sweetie, I can quit smoking, but you'll always be an ass.
19:54Jeez, you smoke with that mouth?
19:58Not anymore.
19:59I am done.
20:01Good.
20:01Yeah.
20:02How about you?
20:03I don't smoke.
20:07The bike?
20:08Yeah.
20:11Honey, you fell in love with the guy who rode a motorcycle.
20:15You thought he was sexy.
20:17Yeah.
20:17Well, now I think it's sexy when you come home in one piece.
20:21All right.
20:22All right.
20:23Here's the deal.
20:24I won't ride the bike anymore, but I'm not going to sell it either.
20:29Occasionally, I'll go in the garage and sit on it.
20:32And go, vroom, vroom.
20:38That is none of your business.
20:41Hey, wait a minute.
20:48What if there's a special occasion where, you know, you need to ride a motorcycle?
20:53Like what?
20:54You know, like a neighborhood parade.
20:58We don't have a neighborhood parade.
21:02I know, but someone might start one.
21:05You know what?
21:06If we have a neighborhood parade, then you can ride your bike and I'll sit on the back smoking.
21:13It'll be our little float.
21:18Honey, do you think we have too many rules?
21:20I don't know, baby.
21:23What do you think?
21:24Well, I don't want our girls to grow up thinking that they can't express themselves.
21:28You know, that it's not okay to break a rule every once in a while.
21:35Oh, I think they're going to be just fine, baby.
21:38Well, you weren't sure if you were coming.
21:59I wasn't either.
22:03Andy, I don't know if things are going to be any different, but you make me want to be a better sister.
22:13Shut up.
22:15You had me at I wasn't either.
22:17Here, I got you a cake with a flower on it.
22:25Oh, Dana, it was never really about the flowers, just me needing you to accept me for who I am.
22:33That's all.
22:34Well, I thought about some of the things you said, and if you need me to change, I'm willing to make the effort.
22:43Thanks, Dana.
22:47Where's the flower?
22:51I ate it!
22:55What?
22:55You ate the flower?
22:57You did it again?
22:59It looked good!
23:02What's the sense of giving me a cake with a flower on it if you're going to go ahead and eat the flower?
23:07You said it wasn't about the flower, you psycho!
23:09You're the psycho!
23:10I'm the psycho!
23:11Yes, you're the...
23:17A-A-A-A...
23:18...
23:23A-A-A-A...
23:24I-A-A-A-A...
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