- 14 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 17
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing the MADtv theme song, Ms. Swan.
00:30You all need to take a chill pill, now come on.
00:35Okay, tonight is...okay, I love you too.
00:42Tonight is a special trip for you only. Tonight, I'm going to sing for the first time.
00:48Okay, now for my first selection, I'm going to sing the MADtv theme song.
01:05MAD, come on, come on, yeah, yeah, MAD.
01:11Come on, come on, come on MAD, now go.
01:15Okay, oh, you're so pretty, you know.
01:21Oh, come on, come on.
01:25Yeah, yeah, come on, come on, okay.
01:29I tell you, ooh.
01:35Come on, come on.
01:40Come on, come on, ooh, you drive me wild.
01:45Okay, come on, you are now watching MADtv.
01:49MAD!
01:50America loves super thin superstar Ally McBeal.
01:55But unless you were in the final stages of a terminal illness, you could never hope to look like her.
01:59Well, now you can with the Ally McMeal from McRonald's.
02:03For just $1.99, you can eat the same lunch actress Calista Flockhart regurgitates every day.
02:21It comes jam-packed with one poached chicken McNugget, a petite Teflon gag finger, and one apple pie flavored laxative.
02:28Oh, I am stuffed.
02:31Mommy, I'm so hungry.
02:34Shut up, fat girl.
02:35You want to grow up to be a TV role model, don't you?
02:39Yes, well then get in the bathroom and use this finger.
02:43Son, aren't you glad you're a boy?
02:45Your Ally McMeal also comes complete with a lifelike action figure for hours of dizzying fun.
03:00Look, I'm pretty and thin again.
03:04And it also comes with fun puzzles.
03:06Look at Mommy, I connected the dots.
03:08Awww.
03:10Okay, come on.
03:11Let's go.
03:12With the Ally McMeal from McRonald's.
03:14Somebody say...
03:17McRonald's.
03:34Dammit, honey, will you stop sneezing?
03:38I'm sorry, it's just this cold.
03:40I don't care what it is, I gotta sleep.
03:43Why don't you use some of that leading brand nasal spray I got you?
03:53Cuts, aren't it?
03:54This nasal spray goes up my nose, but just not far enough.
03:58Well, I guess I don't get to sleep until somebody invents a nasal spray that goes way, way, way up your nose.
04:04Well, now they have.
04:05How the hell did you get in here?
04:06How the hell did you get in here?
04:08I jimmied the window because a product this important is important to hear about.
04:12What the heck is it?
04:14The turbo haler.
04:16Using jet propulsion technology invented by the Swiss military, the turbo haler delivers a blast of sinus relieving menthol way, way, way, way up your nose.
04:24Wow, that's one more way than we hoped for.
04:28Simply insert the pressurized ignition cartridge into the turbo haler, release the safety mechanism, squeeze the trigger, and kiss your nasal problems goodbye.
04:36Here you go, sir. She's ready to rip.
04:42Well, okay. Here goes.
04:49Honey?
04:50He'll regain consciousness in two to three hours or more, but he'll be breathing free and easy for a good chunk of that time.
04:57Well, looks like now I'll finally get some sleep.
05:02Or maybe not.
05:03The turbo haler, I'm from Spishak.
05:17Do you like Coke?
05:18Yeah, Coke's great.
05:21Thanks for taking me to the movies.
05:23Oh, no problem.
05:26I think you're pretty cool.
05:33Whoops.
05:34Sorry to interrupt.
05:35I thought I heard a noise.
05:53I want to make sure nobody was stealing the VCR.
05:57Hi, Dan.
05:58Hi.
05:59Hi, Mr. O'Malley.
06:01Hi.
06:02Hi, kids.
06:03Hi.
06:04How's the movie?
06:05It was good, dad.
06:06Good.
06:07Good.
06:08Good.
06:09Dad?
06:10Yeah.
06:11You're standing here in your underwear.
06:12Yeah, I know.
06:13It's hot.
06:14Hot.
06:15Hot.
06:16You're doing all right?
06:17Yeah.
06:18We're, we're, we're, everything's fine.
06:19So good night.
06:20Good night, dad.
06:21Everything's fine.
06:22Good night.
06:23Good night.
06:24Okay, good night.
06:26Good night.
06:27Good night.
06:28Good night.
06:29Good night.
06:30Good night.
06:31Good night.
06:32hey what was the title of the movie uh you've got mail you've got mail
06:45you don't i don't know that who's in that you make ryan oh she's very good yeah yeah very good
06:57yeah all right okay good night dad good night good night all right
07:01hey listen kids by the way if you want a refreshment we got some in the fridge we got
07:11we already got it already got it thank you all right good thanks all right all right hey listen
07:16brad if you want a beer you can take one i won't tell anybody okay thanks mr. O'Malley okay all right
07:23all right good night dad good night oh hey mimi yeah one thing your mama and i decided we would
07:34take you down to the mall get you those boots you wanted great great dad that's good that's a piece
07:44of good news in your little world yeah all right that that's good can we can we can we talk about
07:49tomorrow morning though dad over breakfast maybe sure we'll talk about over breakfast
07:52do you know what you want for breakfast uh
07:56no uh i don't actually not right now can can i can i decide tomorrow dad yeah we'll sleep on it
08:05okay okay it's hot yeah good night good night dad good night dad
08:10you know i know i know i know i know i'm gonna be dreaming about flapjacks okay i know that
08:16good night dad good night dad with boys and berries syrup dad dad dad dad please we're trying to be
08:24alone and you're standing here in your underwear i mean couldn't you at least wear boxers
08:30god no i can't wear those not in this heat
08:33you're lucky i got these on
08:36telling you i had a big glass of iced tea before i went to bed i got these on in case i pee a little
08:48you ever do that brad you ever pee a little
08:59actually no well different strokes james yes mama james you come to bed i don't want you down
09:11there bothering me me and her boyfriend i'm not bothering anybody i'm having a polite conversation
09:17you remember mrs o'malley don't you
09:25how are you doing
09:28how's your mother's bridge game
09:31it's good she's a good player i'll tell you yeah
09:34yeah i gotta go
09:37are you sure are you
09:39yeah
09:40really badly
09:43say hello to your mama and your papa for us
09:46well
09:47told you james you scared them off now come to bed
09:50well look at you and your cross your heart you're not exactly easy on the eyes right now
09:54i'm telling you
09:55come to bed it's hot
09:57i it is i feel like i'm walking up into hades
10:00all right
10:00good night puddin
10:02good night dad
10:04from the people who brought you patch adams comes a brave new film about another very special doctor
10:19i want to die
10:21i want to die
10:23i know baby and i can't stand to see you in so much pain
10:26but don't you worry dr kevorkian's gonna be here soon
10:29robin williams is patch kevorkian
10:38i'll baptize you in the name of jesus
10:42heal heal
10:44roll over
10:45now sit
10:45play dead
10:46good night everybody drive safely
10:48that's my job
10:52oh i love what you've done with the place
10:56talk about drop dead sheep
10:58hello st peter table for one in 15 minutes
11:04better make that ten
11:05pain
11:08oh pain
11:09your pain
11:10oh
11:11your pain
11:13do you have any last requests
11:16yeah
11:17shut up and kill me
11:19wait not until i've made another dream come true
11:22remember when you said you always wanted to swim in spaghetti
11:24oh no no no no that wasn't me
11:27no please don't
11:28oh
11:29oh
11:33i'm the one who wanted to swim in spaghetti
11:35he wanted to have sex with ali barry somebody get her off me
11:42yeah
11:43Is there anything you'd like to say to your wife?
11:46Yes, I'm sorry, I...
11:48Time's up, thank you for playing.
11:52So anyway, I was driving to the cops and I didn't know how to...
11:54You'll laugh one minute and then cry the next.
11:57Then laugh for eight minutes and cry for 14.
12:00Then you get a little bored, then it picks up again.
12:03Don't get brash.
12:03Then there's one funny thing, two sad things, and then a really funny bit.
12:07And then that thing happens when you laugh and cry at the same time.
12:11And then you really crave something salty.
12:15That's Kevorkian.
12:16I think I love you.
12:18And you'll love him too.
12:22Whoops, there it went.
12:25Even in the smallest rooms I kill.
12:28That's Kevorkian.
12:29So funny you could die laughing.
12:37Michael, what did you do on your date?
12:39Well, you did your wrists.
12:41Michael, that was you.
12:53These extended wear contact lenses are killing me.
12:56They burn.
12:58Damn it, honey, I told you I need to sleep.
13:01Oh, you son of a bitch.
13:03Well, now there is.
13:06Well, now there's what?
13:08You came back.
13:09I shimmy through the dryer vent because a product this important is important to see.
13:14I wish I could see it.
13:16All these damn contacts.
13:18Well, now you can say goodbye to contact lenses and their expensive painful agenda with Turbo Peep,
13:23the handheld laser vision correction system from Spishak.
13:26I like the way you talk.
13:28Well, you'll love the way this works.
13:30Simply insert the laser ignition cartridge into the base of the unit, squeeze the trigger,
13:35and Turbo Peep will fire an eye-altering laser within one-eighth of an inch of your iris,
13:39probably correcting most of your vision problems.
13:41Does it really work?
13:43Probably.
13:45Wow, honey, what do you think?
13:47Should I try it?
13:48I don't care, Paul.
13:50Tell us more about how it works.
13:52Let Paul show you how it probably works.
14:00Is he dead, darling?
14:02Even if he is, his vision is probably perfect.
14:08God, that hurt.
14:09Is this what, uh, clear vision looks like?
14:14Congratulations, Paul, and that slight redness coloration will probably wash out using any vinegar-based window cleaner.
14:22Hot.
14:23Hot.
14:25Hot.
14:26Hot.
14:27Turbo Peep from Spishak.
14:34And right this way, folks, here we are, the honeymoon suite.
14:38I'm so excited.
14:40Yeah, me too.
14:40I can't believe we spread the money on this, though.
14:43You're worth it.
14:44Can't wait to carry over the threshold.
14:46No, no, let us walk in.
14:48Come on, honey.
14:49I want this to be special.
14:51See, I just, I've gained a little weight.
14:53I mean, before the wedding, I was very nervous.
14:54Yeah, yeah.
14:54Oh, Dean!
14:56Huh?
14:56See?
14:58Light as a feather.
14:59You are so sweet.
15:00Okay, we're ready.
15:14I could have sworn that.
15:18We're ready.
15:20I'm gonna have a brain teaser here.
15:24Is there a problem?
15:25No, no, no problem.
15:27I just, you know, I, yeah.
15:28Right.
15:30Are you okay?
15:31Yeah, I'm fine.
15:34Is it you're sweating?
15:35No, I'm just excited.
15:38See, why don't you just put me there?
15:40It's okay.
15:41I gotcha.
15:41Okay.
15:43You know what?
15:44I'm using the wrong key ring.
15:46Oh.
15:46That's why.
15:47That's why, because I'm using the wrong key ring.
15:49Yeah.
15:49This, this is a key ring.
15:51Oh.
15:51This is a key ring.
15:52Okay.
15:53What are you doing, Steve?
15:55Okay.
15:56Whoa.
15:59I can't wait to try out the hot tub.
16:01Got it.
16:01Oh, good, Steve.
16:03Great.
16:04All I gotta do is get the deadbolt, and we'll be in there in a second.
16:06Come on.
16:07Jeez, buddy.
16:07Come on.
16:08Save us the play-by-play and open the damn door.
16:10Steve, come on.
16:11What?
16:12I got a lot of keys.
16:13Oh, great.
16:14All right, Steve, why don't you just put me down?
16:15Never mind.
16:16Look, I can't.
16:17My arms are locked.
16:17All right.
16:17I am not to stop that.
16:19Just put me down if you're not strong enough to hold me.
16:22I'm strong enough.
16:23I just want to finish getting this hernia I started, all right?
16:25Just put me down.
16:26Just open the door, buddy.
16:28Please, hurry.
16:28My husband is shaking.
16:30He's at least not man enough to hold me.
16:32Come on, buddy.
16:33It's like holding a dead body.
16:35Come on.
16:35I'm not struggling at least two pounds, you bastard.
16:38Bull crap, you fat bitch.
16:40All right.
16:40Get me to go, buddy.
16:42I'm just laughing to myself.
16:43Please.
16:44Please.
16:44Do it.
16:45It's the only thing I know how to do.
16:47Please.
16:47Dad, do it.
16:49Come on.
16:49Come on.
16:50Open it.
16:51Open it at the door.
16:52Come on, honey.
16:55Go.
16:55Quit doing it.
16:56Come on.
16:57Come on.
17:10Get out.
17:11Get out.
17:17We're in.
17:17We're in.
17:18Okay.
17:21I'm going to carry you to the bed.
17:24No, honey.
17:24I got it.
17:25I got it.
17:25No, listen, honey.
17:25I'm going to carry you to the bed like a man.
17:29All right.
17:29And then we are going to have a romantic evening.
17:32All right?
17:33Fine.
17:33Fine.
17:36Go.
17:36Honey, lift.
17:38I am lifting, all right?
17:40Come on.
17:40Come on.
17:41Lift, you weak bastard.
17:44What are you made out of?
17:45Shooter?
17:46Come on.
17:47Let's go.
17:48Dad.
17:49I got it.
17:51What did you do?
17:52Use your legs or something.
17:53Come on.
17:54Get down there and lift me.
17:56Come on.
17:57All right.
17:59Oh.
18:01Oh.
18:01Get some ice, honey, quick.
18:05Get some ice.
18:06I just feel like I got a firecracker in my pants.
18:10Oh.
18:10Oh.
18:11Oh.
18:11Oh.
18:11Oh.
18:12Oh.
18:12Oh.
18:12Oh.
18:13Oh.
18:14Fat cow.
18:16No, you fat.
18:17No.
18:18No.
18:20Get out.
18:21Go.
18:22Gladly.
18:23Say hi to the folks at the pancake house.
18:26Oh.
18:31Oh, jeez.
18:35Oh, it hurts.
18:37Oh, dang it, honey.
18:38Why won't you let me sleep?
18:40What?
18:42It's this constipation.
18:44A pack tied to the cursy alley in a phone booth.
18:47Oh, that's strange.
18:48You keep eating before bed.
18:50I told you.
18:52I just need some relief.
18:54It certainly does.
18:56What?
18:57I forgot my letters.
18:59Constipation is a real problem.
19:01And I've brought a real solution.
19:04The Turbo Wave from Spishak.
19:06This tiny semi-automatic enema packs 38 calibers of colonic relief.
19:11Oh, please.
19:11My heart.
19:12I never thought I could feel this way.
19:14How does the Turbo Wave work?
19:16It's surprisingly simple.
19:20Oh, could you just give me a little more information?
19:23Simply insert the glycerin saposa rocket into the Turbo Wave,
19:27pull the trigger, and let the wave wash your troubles away.
19:30Oh.
19:31Oh, okay.
19:32Oh, can I do it?
19:33Let me do it.
19:34Oh, I've always wanted to do this.
19:36Okay.
19:38All right, honey.
19:39On the count of three.
19:40One.
19:41And two.
19:42Oh, that's gold.
19:44Now pull the trigger.
19:45Wait, you mean there's more?
19:46Yeah.
19:46We need to get to higher ground and fast.
19:51I'll follow you anywhere.
19:53Just don't let go.
19:54The Turbo Haler, the Turbo Peep, and the Turbo Wave are all sold separately
19:59and are available at a firearms dealer near you.
20:02Hey, come on now.
20:09What's going on?
20:09Idiot.
20:10You got that stupid out of me in my dressing room.
20:13No.
20:14No.
20:15Hey.
20:15it's time for change of heart
20:26hi i'm chris jagger and welcome to change of heart we're thrilled to have the king of pop
20:33himself michael jackson and his wife debbie roe with us on the show now you two have been together
20:40a while and have had some great times oh yes michael can be very romantic you know he wrote ben
20:46and what first attracted you to debbie oh well i guess it would be her spotless medical record
20:54or the fact that she was poor and desperate or maybe even her wide childbearing hips
20:58and debbie what did you like about michael well as you can see he's quite the charmer and um
21:05you know he's always been very respectful of my privacy not to mention the fact that he's very
21:10very generous with his money uh his love but then it all went wrong somehow didn't it michael
21:17yes chris i felt that debbie became too clingy she wanted to live in the same country as me
21:23no i mean it got to the point where michael didn't even know i existed i mean i came home one day he
21:29had changed all the security codes and none of his people even knew who i was see what i mean chris
21:35klingorama ouch well it looks like you toured a crossroads well you know how the show works we
21:42set you both up with what we think is going to be your dream dates to see if ultimately
21:46you're going to have a change of heart now debbie you said you want somebody who's not quite so pale
21:52and who would kiss you without a surgical mask and who had something approaching a normal childhood
21:57that's right so let's bring out your dream date he's a computer programmer from san jose california
22:04who enjoys outdoor sports and going to movies please welcome jason mcmahon
22:09michael it's a pleasure to meet you germs
22:17uh okay
22:23so where did you take this lovely lady
22:29well we went to a relaxing dinner at a nice french restaurant which gave us plenty of time to just
22:34you know talk and talk it was so great i mean we could go out in public
22:38you know and jason was proud to be with me i was i am
22:43well then we went on a drive in my car and uh it just happened upon this quaint little county fair
22:49did debbie win the prize for biggest heifer
22:52michael
22:52i have my own amusement park
22:54michael that is so immature
22:56i know you are but what am i okay let's get back to the date uh how did it all wrap up
23:02well we uh i took her back to my cottage and i lit a fire
23:06and uh you know one thing led to another
23:10oh chris it was amazing i mean jason and i had sex places michael and i never did before
23:15like in front of a fire
23:16no i mean like in my body
23:18wow that sounds like quite an evening
23:22now uh michael you said you wanted something different right
23:26yes chris you know it's really very hard for me to explain exactly what it is i'm looking for
23:32i mean i really can't say i mean i really can't say
23:38well uh we looked into michael's interests and tried to find somebody that he would be
23:45compatible with she's a new york socialite originally from france whose hobbies include
23:50shopping plastic surgery and animals please welcome jocelyn wildenstein
23:55welcome jocelyn
24:02it is great to be here chris michael is fabulous
24:07no you're fabulous
24:08so uh michael what did you do on your date
24:14well chris first we did our eyes and then we did our cheekbones and then you did your breasts
24:19oh michael that was you
24:25plastic surgery
24:26well that's unusual uh any romance
24:30yes michael kissed me tenderly on the lips
24:34they were sitting on the table next to her
24:37kiss them now michael
24:41no silly not while they're attached to your face
24:44oh
24:45michael it seems like you're pretty smitten with jocelyn
24:48oh who wouldn't be i mean look at her
24:50she looks just like simba from the lion king
24:53oh stop you scared me
24:57okay well it looks like it's decision time uh debbie we'll start with you
25:04what's it gonna be stay where you are or a change of heart
25:08well i god i had the best time of my life with jason i mean he treated me like a real person
25:14but if i leave michael i also leave behind the lifestyle to which i've grown very accustomed
25:20oh and our children
25:22um so i've decided to uh stay together
25:26okay sorry jason you seem like a great guy
25:29that's okay we got on tv
25:31michael what'll it be
25:34well chris debbie knows me really really well so i'd like to keep her on the payroll
25:40um keep her close to my heart but jocelyn really really understands me
25:47so stay together or change of heart
25:51i've decided to have it all
25:55oh michael you can't do that
25:57of course i can
25:59i bought the show this morning before we came on
26:01you work for me now
26:03well uh there you have it michael is going to have it all
26:10that's it for today
26:12join us tomorrow on change of heart
26:14when our guest will be once again
26:15roseanne and whoever she's dating currently
26:18good night
26:20hello hello hello
26:33down down julie brown here with e behind the scenes
26:36i'm coming to you as live as i'm ever going to get
26:39from the new filmic romp starring america's sugar substitutes
26:42tom hanks and meg ryan
26:44now they've been sleepless since yet
26:47they've even gotten male
26:48and now they're portraying john and patsy ramsay
26:51in the hilarious new romantic comedy
26:54blameless in boulder
26:55now shh
26:56so we can take a little watchy watchy looky look
26:58morning patsy
27:05i didn't hear a thing i was busy sleeping all night
27:07oh what would there have been to hear
27:09hey a ransom note
27:12how did i get here
27:15there's no way i would know
27:18and i was busy sleeping all night
27:20god you're cute
27:23i'm on the set with john and patsy ramsay
27:29who are producing and writing for the film
27:31as well as providing moi with gobs and gobs of scrumptious
27:34talky talky
27:36so mr and mrs ramsay
27:38a movie
27:39why
27:40you know
27:42i think it was just after we gave our third deposition
27:45to the boulder police
27:46and walked out of there
27:48and i turned to john
27:49and i said
27:49god you know
27:50the more times we tell the story
27:52the more i just love it
27:54you know
27:55and um
27:56so then john and i
27:58quickly enrolled in a screenwriting seminar
28:00over the weekend
28:01and
28:02here we are
28:03i mean it's a
28:05it's a dream come true
28:06really
28:06i mean meg ryan
28:08god
28:09i mean who would not kill
28:10to have her play them in a movie
28:12i know i did
28:14would
28:15see tom and meg are so funny
28:19it's been a long time
28:21since we've had a good laugh about this
28:23oh you know what
28:25i
28:25i don't think that's right
28:26there wasn't any
28:27yeah there
28:28yeah there was
28:29are you sure
28:30yeah
28:30okay
28:32you would know
28:34the real challenge for meg and i as actors
28:39was just to
28:40make these characters likable
28:42i mean
28:43everyone knows that there are two people who killed their
28:45are innocent people
28:47am i cute right now
28:53give it everything you got
28:58okay
28:58all right
28:59so let's cue music
29:00and
29:01happen
29:03okay when they get here
29:06you gotta act really upset
29:07like you've been crying
29:08gotcha
29:09don't you just love it when i scrunch up my nose
29:12they're gonna be here any minute
29:14don't worry i can fake it
29:16you can't just turn on tears like that
29:19ah
29:19ah
29:20ah
29:21yes i can
29:22watch
29:24cut
29:35and i'll have what she's having
29:36excuse me meg i don't want to give you a line reading
29:42oh no please please please anything but just it's just that the the first time i performed
29:46this scene i was a little more bewildered at first
29:49okay like you know um like you know um like um like um i'll show you um i'll show you um um i'll see you guys later tom
29:53Thank you very much.
30:08Okay, well, um, I'll see you guys later, Tom.
30:13Terrific performance.
30:18I kind of like this area rug.
30:19Nora, up to a fantastic day, blameless in Boulder.
30:25So, how many stories to tell?
30:27So many actors.
30:29Why this one with these two?
30:31At first glance, uh, it is sort of a sad story.
30:36But when you dig beneath the DNA evidence,
30:39the separate lawyers, the conflicting alibis,
30:43what you're left with is a romance.
30:47Come on, Tom, you have to clean up.
30:49I don't want the cops thinking I keep a messy house.
30:51Pat, so you have to stop worrying so much
30:53about what other people think.
30:54Oh!
30:56Ooh!
30:57Ooh, ooh, I...
30:59Ooh!
31:01Ooh, I...
31:02Oh, you...
31:03If you're done being so darn adorable,
31:05we got a basement to clean.
31:06Aye, aye, Skipper.
31:07Oh, you're done being so darn smart.
31:13Oh!
31:21...
31:26...
31:27...
31:27all right gang one last question can we expect a happy ending well we don't want to give anything
31:53away but here's a little hint john and i do walk off into the sunset free as birds periconic singing
32:02and what could be happier than that
32:06kids your mom's dying hey now hear this i am not dead stepmom to
32:23this is susan strang reporting live from the new york city courthouse where jenny defino has just made
32:34bail she was arrested last night on charges of plotting to have her husband shipping magnate
32:39albert defino killed uh we're gonna wait here and see if we can get a few uh words with oh here
32:44she comes miss defino miss defino is it true that you tried to have your husband killed the police
32:48say you did no i would never even think of such thing i am innocent uh jenny i've advised my
32:54client not to make a statement at this time but let me just say that the only thing she's guilty of
32:58is being a loving wife and uh that's only a crime if she charges too much
33:06mrs defino did you have a relationship with your husband's business partner no no see jenny
33:12mrs defino would like the public to know that she would never cheat on her husband and uh
33:18she did her boyfriend would kill her i'm kidding i mean her girlfriend
33:25oh but seriously how many people like to witness that huh raise them up
33:31jenny relax i'll handle it keep quiet okay well what about the evidence the uh the love letters
33:35the bath beads the evidence actually is all circumstantial they haven't even found the knife
33:41yet it's always in the last place you look isn't it i mean especially if the last place you look is
33:46the knife drawer i'm not saying the police in this case are stupid but they think the jurisprudence is
33:52a beetle song a beetle song two three four you know this case will probably never go to trial anyway
34:08which is a good thing because uh you've seen the price of a good judge these days better just to rent
34:13to own and what's under those robes anyway i'm guessing maybe a thong or something
34:23there's no hurry jenny what about the rumors your accomplice has confessed and has implicated you
34:27no well i'm just gonna say that it's going to take an amazing detective to unravel this whole mess and
34:34uh speaking of detectives i wonder what my good friend colombo would have to say about this oh
34:41this is insane
34:44uh begging your pardon man there's one thing that's bothering me about this case i mean if it were my
34:51husband and he had insurance i'd whack him what do you think jack nicholson
34:57oh god's sake well colombo you want the truth you can't handle the truth truth is she had him
35:07killed oh god yeah but this time i am gonna do it myself right there you son of a bitch i'll kill you
35:14you bastard i remember my first beer
35:23there you have it jenny defino implicating herself and assaulting her lawyer right here in the hallway
35:28of the courthouse only moments after posting bail uh you can catch my act again at three o'clock at the
35:33jones divorce and again the 10th through the 15th at the williams wrongful death suit peace i'm out
35:38so that's all for me and uh just reminding you please don't drink and drive if you hit a bump it
35:45could slosh all over your lap all right well i'm susan frank let's hear it for everyone you've seen
35:54tonight thank you and good night from the imagination of the unhappily married director
36:06of mrs doubtfire now come on you two finish those vegetables or there's no tv tonight and the roving
36:12eye of the producer of forrest gump okay honey help me blow out the can on my cake it's not every day
36:19your wife turns 40 comes this sequel to their other far-fetched middle-aged fantasy stepmom kids your mom's
36:26dying dying don't listen to her kids she's a goner you better prepare yourself i i know i have this
36:37summer get ready for stepmom two wow who's the hottie she's your new stepmom son once your mom's dead
36:47she'll be the only mom you've got hello i'm in perfect health stepmom two stepmom can i go to the
37:00mall absolutely not it's a school night sure honey in my purse is a charge card and some birth control
37:07pills just in case you meet a boy cool young lady come back here you are not going in hello honey honey
37:15you're dying you've got to learn to let go if i was dying could i do this
37:25guess what i have a marilyn manson ticket and some condoms for the backstage party after boy you're so
37:33much cooler than my dying mom okay now there is no way in hell he is going to that concert
37:38if you want me to hate her i will you're supposed to say that to me well i hate you if it helps
37:48finally a story about the tears that are inevitable
37:52i never wanted to be a mom but i am trying and i don't know if i can fill your shoes because your feet
38:02are so big hey bimbo hey now hear this i am not dead mom go towards the line
38:10kids you remember our song
38:12ain't no mind if she hadn't have been dying i never would have started dating again i i would
38:20have felt too guilty in a way her passing is a blessing i never passed look at this this isn't
38:28passing finally a film about the joy that only the death of a first wife can bring honey i'm ready
38:38stepmom too i am not dead see you bring your new girl next week on mad tv so here's what that
38:54let's be on now and has to look like after a makeover from yeah emily no sure you know what it's a
39:03be on comb light and what will arm wrestle bret hart to settle the score
39:19drunk driving charges vehicular manslaughter leaving the scene of an accident hello i'm lonnie
39:27bell of lonnie bell attorneys at law and i can get you behind the wheel of a car again
39:31or maybe you're like ray denny ray had a restraining order placed against him by his wife
39:39but i'll have him home with the family in time for christmas and what about velma stein
39:46velma was charged with three counts of lewd and lascivious behavior and indecent exposure but thanks
39:52to lonnie bell attorneys at law she'll be back running her daycare center where she belongs
39:57wherever there are little people being pushed around by the big guy
40:03lonnie bell attorneys at law will be there but don't take my word for it
40:08get in here
40:16why do you value you're the greatest man because of you i got my dad back
40:21let's see how fast this son of a bitch can go
40:24i'm lonnie bell and i'll get you what you deserve
40:36i'm an attorney the location of a lonnie bell legal office near you call 1-800-555-0199
40:43let us push the law around for you
40:58you are
40:58thank you all thank you all very much for coming to the show thank you very much
41:07we thank you for watching all of these clothes are available for 12.99
41:13good night
41:25and aries has magazines in his purse
41:36good night
41:37I've decided to have it all.
42:05Shut up, fat girl.
Recommended
41:46
|
Up next
42:08
42:57
42:28
41:46
42:56
42:55
42:56
42:07
42:07
41:47
41:47
41:46
42:08
42:08
42:07
42:45
42:08
42:09
42:01
42:10
42:08
42:39
42:08
42:55
Be the first to comment