- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 25
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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TVTranscript
00:01You are now watching Mav TV.
00:04Mav!
00:07Let's just say, Mr. Bailey, that we realize marketing contraceptives is a very delicate proposition.
00:12Oh, and don't I know it. Half the time it's hard enough just trying to get one of those damn things on.
00:19Have you seen the commercials where Fred Astaire dances with a vacuum or John Wayne sells soft drinks?
00:23Oh, yeah, I love those.
00:24Well, with the latest advances in computer animation, we've managed to take it just one step farther
00:30and turn two of America's most beloved icons into spokespersons just for your television ad campaign.
00:37Well, you've certainly got my attention.
00:43So what do you say, guys? I got a hot tub back in my place. Shall we go back there and partay?
00:49Okay.
00:50Now, you hold on there, Mr. Potter. What kind of stuff are you trying to pull anyway?
00:55Oh, my goodness, look. It's Jimmy Stewart and Louie, Satchmo, Armstrong.
01:00Oh, yeah.
01:02Well, hold up a minute. You two are supposed to be dead, especially you, Satchmo.
01:06And you'll be pushing up daisies just like us if you don't watch your step.
01:11What?
01:12Hey, now, don't you kids play dumb with me.
01:14You're planning some sort of a sexual orgy and you darn well know it.
01:18Well, sort of.
01:20And what have you got for protection?
01:23Gosh, we don't need protection, fellas. I mean, Leanne and I are on the pill.
01:27Besides, Reggie and I have ridiculously low sperm counts.
01:30Oh, that's the craziest thing I ever heard. Your unwanted pregnancies are one thing, but what about your sexually transmitted diseases?
01:38Sexually transmitted to what?
01:40Oh, come on. Your gonorrhea, your chlamydia, your genital warts?
01:44Yuck. I've heard of those.
01:46That's why you got to wrap that rascal in a TV condom.
01:50Otherwise, your Johnny's going to get into all sorts of trouble, but with sores and rashes erupting all through your private areas down there, buddy.
01:57And there's no point in having pretty heads turning if your genitalia be itching and burning.
02:04Those look like super good ones.
02:05Well, you're darn right they are.
02:07100% latex.
02:08A lubricated spermicide reservoir tip, for heaven's sake.
02:12Gosh, thanks for the info, Jimmy and Satchmo. Can we take these with us?
02:17Oh, you bet you can. You kids, go ahead. You have a ball now, you hear?
02:21Thanks, guys.
02:23You know, I tell you, for the brother, you may want to try the jumbo size.
02:26Oh, yeah.
02:28And don't you forget, no matter what kind of hardcore action you're into, whether it's some tender one-on-one or some mass cluster free-for-all with everybody in the neighborhood bumpin' uglies, make sure this baby goes on before that baby goes in.
02:41Now it's time for song.
02:43Tell me, Satch.
02:44If you're makin' love, and you got a disease...
02:52Here I come.
02:53Sing it.
02:54Go get a shot.
02:55What else?
02:56Then wear one of these.
02:57Oh, yeah.
02:59TV Addams.
03:02Baby.
03:03Make it a beautiful world.
03:07Oh, yeah.
03:08I'll tell you, she was hot.
03:10She gave me a wedding.
03:11And for two dead guys, I ain't so bad.
03:15Put your pee-pee in our teepee.
03:17Teepee condos.
03:22Man!
03:23Come on!
03:24Yeah!
03:24Man!
03:25Come on!
03:26Come on!
03:27Man!
03:27Man!
03:30You're so
03:31Man!
03:32Crazy!
03:36Man!
03:36Man!
03:37Man!
03:38Man!
03:41Tonight on MADtv, special guests, Halle Berry, Antonia, and Davey N. Goliath.
03:55You wanna know what you like to do?
03:57You wanna know what you like to do?
04:00You wanna know if you know that one of them has dissed in today?
04:06What the heck are you doing?
04:15That's why I'm so big.
04:17Always got some fun.
04:19You wanna know what you do?
04:20You go...
04:21You wanna know what I like to do?
04:23Come on!
04:24Come on!
04:25Yeah!
04:26Come on!
04:27Good evening, and welcome to MADtv.
04:34I'm Howard Stern.
04:41And let me just say, it's an honor and a pleasure for me to introduce here a woman who is both beautiful and talented.
04:47Put your hands together.
04:48Help me welcome Halle Berry.
04:57And let me just say, I know you're so used to all these Hollywood types kissing your ass, but, uh...
05:14Oh, come on, come on, Howard, cut it.
05:16I know you're going to tell me that you want to go get a room, get a few strippers, do me...
05:23Get into a little bit of lesbian action, I know, I know.
05:29And then when I tell you, okay, you're going to start talking about your wife and your kids
05:34and start whining about how terrible you'd feel.
05:37Come on, Howard.
05:38You and I both know you're the biggest phony of them all.
05:41Hey!
05:43Come on!
05:47Am I really that predictable?
05:50Yeah.
05:53Okay, okay, what if I told you this time, I really mean it.
05:56I wouldn't believe you.
05:58I, oh, I'm dead serious.
05:59I, I, I'm saying, for you, Halle Berry, I would cheat on my wife.
06:07Seriously.
06:08For me, Howard, you would cheat on your wife.
06:13Oh.
06:16On the lives of my children, I would absolutely cheat on my wife for you.
06:21No doubt about it.
06:22I, I'm getting hot right now.
06:23Howard, Howard, Howard.
06:24You would betray your wedding vows for moi?
06:28In a second.
06:29For you, baby, anything.
06:31Anything.
06:32Oh, you scumbag!
06:35No!
06:35No!
06:36No!
06:36No!
06:37No!
06:37No!
06:37No!
06:38No!
06:38No!
06:39No!
06:39No!
06:40No!
06:40No!
06:41No!
06:41No!
06:42No!
06:43No!
06:43No!
06:44No!
06:45No!
06:46No!
06:47No!
06:48No!
06:49No!
06:50No!
06:51No!
06:52No!
06:52No!
06:52No!
06:53No!
06:53No!
06:55No!
06:55No!
06:56No!
06:56No!
06:57No!
06:57No!
06:58No!
06:58No!
06:58That was a great start!
07:00It's time for Funky Woka Dirty Talker
07:24And we got us a fire burning here today
07:26So let's bring out the Funky Fire Man himself
07:30Desperation Lee
07:32Welcome to Funky Woka Dirty Talker
07:41Do y'all smell something?
07:44I sure do
07:46The sweet, sweet smell of funk
07:48Our show today is a righteous funk overload, y'all
07:53But before we get into that
07:55Let's talk dirty
07:57Baby, I wanna knock down your dam
08:05And watch your river flow
08:07Woo, man
08:12That's so good, it's got to be against the law
08:15And speaking of the good stuff
08:18My guest today is so hot
08:21She'll melt the clothes right off you
08:23That's why I'm not wearing my flammables
08:25Please help me welcome out
08:29A very talented actress
08:31And a woman who put the booty in bootiful
08:34Miss Halle Berry
08:36Miss Halle Berry
08:37Baby, you got to do me and the whole world a favor and come in like that again
08:59All right, then you want me to do it again?
09:02Yes, yes.
09:02We want her to do it again, though.
09:09Ladies and especially gentlemen, once again, Halle Berry.
09:25Read the jar.
09:29Oh, see, that's the thing about the funk.
09:32The funk gets mighty slipper sometimes.
09:37Woo!
09:37Girl, I tell you, I don't know what that is you're doing,
09:41but it just puts heaven in second place.
09:44You know what I'm saying?
09:46Girl, you so sweet.
09:48I'm surprised you ain't got some kind of bee problem on you.
09:50Oh, come on.
09:51You're embarrassing me.
09:52Stop it.
09:53Oh, shoot.
09:54Girl, you done gave me about nine heart attacks since you come out here,
09:57so I guess we're even.
09:59Now, tell the folks what you've been up to.
10:01Well, I have a new movie coming out called Bullworth.
10:03It's written and directed by Warren Beatty,
10:05and I'm really excited about it.
10:07Well, I'm really excited to hear you sit here and talk about it.
10:12What was it about?
10:14It's partly about politics, but it's mostly about love.
10:17My kind of movie.
10:18Yeah.
10:19But enough about Bullworth.
10:21Let's start, uh, talking dirty.
10:29Baby, I can barely breathe, let alone say no.
10:33No, no, no, no, no.
10:34Wait a minute.
10:35Are you sure you're up for this?
10:38Yeah!
10:39Yeah, yeah.
10:41Let me tell you something.
10:42If I ain't, they gonna bury me with a smile on my face.
10:47Oh, you're just saying that.
10:49No, no.
10:49As a matter of fact, they gonna have trouble closing the coffin lid,
10:52if you know what I mean.
10:52I know what you mean.
10:58Yeah.
10:59All right, baby, let's get the dirt rolling.
11:02I'll start us off.
11:04Baby, I want to slide onto your pouch and ring your bell.
11:13Baby, I want to take out your pencil and put it in my pencil case.
11:19Oh!
11:22Heart attack number 10, right there.
11:28All right, all right, now.
11:31Baby, I want to hit your iceberg and go down like the Titanic.
11:41Baby, I want to slowly pull out your golf club and hit me a hole in one.
11:52Pass.
12:04Desperation.
12:07I want you to take me to Mother Hubbard's house
12:10so you can give this poor girl a big bone.
12:13Kelly, I want to make love to you for an extended period of time.
12:30That's what I thought.
12:31It's about time you stop beating around the bush.
12:33Come on.
12:33Yeah!
12:34Actually, baby, I think it might be better if I just stayed here for a couple more minutes.
12:44Actually, baby, you take all the time you need.
12:47That is not helping.
12:50But I'd like to thank you for coming on the show.
12:52And, uh, until next time, y'all keep on funky.
12:57Thank you for coming on the show.
13:27Steven Seagal, number 6.2.
13:33Hi, I'm Steven Seagal.
13:37As many of you know, a while back, I split up with my longtime soulmate,
13:41actress and former supermodel Kelly LeBrock.
13:44So as you can imagine, I'm looking for someone who's quite attractive.
13:47Or at least as attractive as Kelly,
13:49which isn't exactly simple when you consider how hot she is.
13:51So you can't even be, like, really hot.
13:54I mean, the girl I'm looking for has got to be, like,
13:56extremely unbelievably hot.
13:59I mean, not that there's anything wrong with being just really hot.
14:02It's just that, as you can imagine,
14:04after being with Kelly for so long,
14:05a girl that some guys would consider hot to me is just ugly.
14:08Not that there's anything wrong with being ugly.
14:11It's just that that's not what I'm looking for.
14:16But then ugly's a relative term.
14:17I mean, I've never known a girl to say,
14:19hey, I'm ugly, but trust me, a lot of you are.
14:22Listen, all I really want is a really, really, really,
14:29really, really, really, really hot-looking chick.
14:34I forget it.
14:35I'm just going to stick with my babysitter.
14:37Four, seven, six, six, one, two.
14:40You're watching that TV.
14:57You're going to do something with that?
15:04Mr. President, it's time for the meet and greet
15:08with your new interns.
15:09All right.
15:10Stain check.
15:11No, no, no, no, Betty, on me.
15:14No, all clear, Mr. President.
15:15All right, now, these new interns,
15:17they're big, fat, mean-looking guys like I asked for, right?
15:19I'm not going to go through that Lewinsky hell again.
15:21Oh, no, sir, Mr. President.
15:23Because of the quotas, they had to be female.
15:24Oh, sweet hootly.
15:25Someone get me a wet nap.
15:26Oh, no, Mr. President.
15:28Wait until you see them.
15:29I pick them out myself.
15:30Trust me, you will not have a problem.
15:31Oh, Betty, you know me better than that.
15:33Today's interns, tomorrow's depositions.
15:35Well done, Mr. President.
15:36May I present your new interns?
15:38The Parker sisters have arrived!
15:42Buddy, you're a genius.
15:50Even that big, meanie can of star won't be able to do nothing with this.
15:53Sister, the eyes of history are upon us.
15:55But the hands of history better not be.
15:57That's right, Slick Lily, because we may be your interns.
16:00But that don't mean we take dictation.
16:02So you keep your sharp feet in your pants.
16:06And your eyes off the prize.
16:07Because you ain't getting none of this.
16:09None of this.
16:10And especially none of this.
16:13Ho!
16:16Now, hold on.
16:17You know, I'm sure you've heard a lot of nasty rumors, but I'm going to tell you the
16:20same thing I told Janet Reno.
16:22You have nothing to worry about for me, never.
16:24And I mean never, never, well, I mean never, y'all.
16:28Well, you better call 9-1-1, because we've just been hit by a picker.
16:32That's right, and somebody wants to give us mouth to mouth.
16:35Oh, no, no, no, no, ladies, you must be mistaken.
16:37Oh, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but the president has done nothing inappropriate.
16:41Yeah, ladies, all I meant to say is that it's a pleasure to have you here, and I hope your
16:45stay at the White House is an enjoyable one.
16:46Yeah, I bet you do.
16:48But we ain't putting on no knee pads.
16:50Yeah, so you just wash your mind out with soap.
16:52Now, ladies, you're taking this the wrong way.
16:54I ain't taking it anyway.
16:55That's right, because we don't want your head of state.
17:00Yeah, or your presidential part on.
17:02So let's go, Wanda.
17:04Right behind you, Wanda.
17:06Oh, God, I can't, I can't.
17:08Whoa, whoa, whoa.
17:08Hey, we're going.
17:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
17:10Dammit, dammit now.
17:11I'm out of here.
17:12Hey, no, baby, don't leave me.
17:13La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
17:15Wanda, you get a hold of yourself now.
17:17I'd rather get a hold of his presidential staff.
17:20No.
17:20Come on, mama.
17:22Let me launch your scud.
17:24Wanda Terry Ann Lanier Parker.
17:27You are not some low-life Lewinsky.
17:29You are a Parker.
17:31And your landing strip is presently closed to Air Force One.
17:37But why?
17:39Because we don't until they say, I do.
17:44I guess so.
17:45And what do we tell them Romeos?
17:47You ain't getting none of this.
17:48And?
17:49None of this.
17:51And a fabulous!
17:52None of this!
17:54Woo!
17:55All right, that's something.
17:56I'm sorry, Mr. President.
17:57No, no, no, don't mention it.
17:59Listen, Wanda, when you hoot like that, you remind me of a young Paula Jowes.
18:02Oh, go on with the bad self.
18:05And Wanda, when you slap and jump and such, you put me in the mind of a young Buddy Ebsen.
18:10Oh.
18:11And I'm strangely titillated.
18:13What say we take a tour of the Lincoln bedroom?
18:15What do you say, Wanda?
18:16Well, it is just a tour.
18:18Ladies, you just make sure if anyone asks any questions, we can get any of this.
18:23None of this!
18:24And especially, none of this.
18:45Fetch, Goliath.
18:48Sure thing, Davey.
18:51Hello, young fella.
18:52You sure I picked a fine day to move into the neighborhood.
18:56Yeah, it's swell out.
18:58Well, whatever you do, stay away from that graveyard up by the old pet cemetery.
19:03What do you mean?
19:05All I'm saying is, if a fella were to go out there, which he shouldn't, well, this here's the shortest way.
19:11I got it, Davey.
19:14I got the ball.
19:19Goliath!
19:20Darn truckers.
19:22Darn motorcycle gangsters.
19:30Darn river dancers.
19:36Goliath's dead.
19:38I got a real bad feeling we're headed straight for the pet cemetery with this one.
19:44The problem is, if you bury an animal up here, they tend to not stay buried.
20:04What do you mean?
20:05Well, for God's sake, son, it's not that complicated.
20:08Your dog's gonna come back to life because you buried him in the wrong cemetery.
20:13What do you mean?
20:19Hello, Davey.
20:21Huh?
20:22Goliath!
20:23You're alive again!
20:25But how?
20:26It's like I said, you moron.
20:29It's that pet cemetery.
20:31The what cemetery?
20:33Ah, I'm gonna go watch me some monsters.
20:38I'm back, Davey, and I'm all evil now.
20:42What do you mean?
20:44Throw the bar, and I'll show you.
20:46Okay.
20:47Fetch, boy!
20:48Fetch, boy!
20:50Fetch, boy!
20:55See?
20:56I'm all evil.
20:58Gosh!
20:59We'd best get up to that pet cemetery and put an end to this.
21:05Maybe Goliath came up here to this pet cemetery.
21:09He's about this close to getting a hammer to the back of his head.
21:14Hello, Davey.
21:16I've got to kill you, Goliath.
21:18The Bible says the only thing that's supposed to come back to life is Jesus.
21:22First, I'd like you to meet my new friends, Davey.
21:27What do you mean?
21:31Yo!
21:34I'm in bed, boo-boo.
21:41Peep, peep.
21:43Now do a good time to use that shotgun, boy.
21:48Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die.
21:54How did everything turn out?
21:56I killed all those devil animals.
21:59Even Goliath.
22:01You did good, boy.
22:03What did you do with all those bodies?
22:04I figured as long as I was up there, I might as well just bury them in that graveyard up past the old pet cemetery.
22:13He's nice enough, young fella, but he's dumber than a bag of hammers.
22:17What do you mean?
22:18Ah, go f**k yourself.
22:24Coming up next...
22:25Coming up next on Mad TV...
22:28The 17th Annual Musical Awards.
22:30I'm gone.
22:31All of your music sucks.
22:33Nothing gets your mango in more than sex sounds.
22:36Ah, ah, ah.
22:38He knew he was gonna die and he knew he should have ridden me that freaking chick.
22:41You are now watching Mad TV.
22:53It me.
22:55You know, you've got 20 cards there.
22:58It.
23:00The object of Blackjack is for the cards to add up to 21 or less.
23:04It me.
23:05Look, the only way those cards could possibly add up to 21 or less is if they're all aces.
23:12And they're not all aces, are they?
23:20No.
23:21Yeah, I didn't think so.
23:22Look, let me see what you got.
23:25Ah, well, there you go.
23:27You've got over a hundred.
23:30Blackjack.
23:32Do you want to be a professional casino dealer?
23:35Yes.
23:36Well, then pay attention.
23:38Okay.
23:39Now, blackjack is what number?
23:43Blackjack.
23:44This is hopeless.
23:46Is it getting hot in here, do you?
23:48Okay.
23:50I'm gonna open a window or something.
23:54Ah.
23:55Oh, God.
23:56It's my heart.
23:58Okay.
23:59No.
24:00It's not okay.
24:02Ah.
24:03I need my pills.
24:04They're in my briefcase.
24:07Why?
24:08Why?
24:09Why what?
24:10Wait.
24:10Look, I need my pills.
24:12You gotta get me.
24:13That briefcase is on.
24:14My briefcase is on the desk.
24:16Okay.
24:18I need my heart medicine.
24:20My heart medicine is in that briefcase.
24:22Sure.
24:25Come here.
24:25What are you, what are you doing?
24:27No, stop, stop, stop.
24:28Ah, God.
24:29No, you, you gotta bring the briefcase to me.
24:33Oh.
24:35Got the briefcase.
24:38Where are you going?
24:39No, no, no, no.
24:40Bring it here.
24:41Open it up.
24:42Okay.
24:46It's broke.
24:50It must be locked.
24:52All right.
24:52The combination is 8-6-2-1.
24:558-6-2-1!
24:57Blackjack!
25:00Oh, my God.
25:02Oh.
25:03Look at that.
25:04My whole life flashing before my eyes.
25:07All those times, all those years.
25:11Every time, it's the same person.
25:15Antonio.
25:17It was you.
25:19It was your fault.
25:20You're the reason I'm dying.
25:22You're the reason I'm dying.
25:37Oh, my pals.
25:57Oh, my God.
26:00She cut it open.
26:03I don't believe it.
26:04She actually saved my life.
26:10Why are we so quick to judge people?
26:15Antonia.
26:17I'm sorry.
26:18The next time we meet, it'll be different.
26:20I promise you.
26:21I'll be different.
26:22Not so quick to anger.
26:26Okay.
26:27Ah!
26:29Damn it!
26:30Don't!
26:30Oh!
26:32Oh!
26:33Blackjack!
26:49Welcome back to the 17th Annual Musical Awards.
26:54Hi.
26:55I'm Fiona Apple.
26:56First of all, I think it's important to say
26:59that all these awards are bull******.
27:03It's just ego gratification for hacks
27:06who have sold out the last vestiges
27:08of their artistic integrity
27:09and become nothing but corporate shills.
27:13Okay.
27:13The nominees for Best Rap Performance are...
27:17Bust the Caps for Smack My Booty and Grab the Bitch.
27:20187 McHill for Smack My Bitch and Grab the Booty.
27:27And Cup of Tuna for Smack My Bitch's Booty and Grab her Smack.
27:34Oh, look.
27:35An attractive woman.
27:39And the winner is...
27:41187 McHill for Smack My Bitch and Grab the Booty.
27:4670, 403 Strikes and Lunatic.
27:50Yeah!
27:51Yeah!
27:52Yeah!
27:52Yeah!
27:53Yeah!
27:53Yeah!
27:53Yeah!
27:54Yeah!
27:55Listen, we want to thank our producer
27:57and everybody over at Manslaughter Records.
27:59I want to send a shout-out to all my peeps
28:01back there on the corners in Compton's
28:03my baby's daddy, cutie man, tit-tit, pebbles, boo-boo,
28:06Hey, yo, pebbles, I won my $5, kid.
28:08I won my $5.
28:09Hey, pep.
28:10Word, word.
28:10Check it, check it, check it.
28:11Ooh, ooh, hold up.
28:12Hold up, hold up.
28:13Ooh, ooh.
28:15Whoa.
28:17Yo, most of all, I want to thank the original G,
28:20the mad, powerful God Almighty.
28:23He was the power of my Lord and Savior on my shoulder.
28:26Yo, he gave us mad inspiration to write our CD.
28:29Three caps and bust the backs and smacks and all that.
28:32Yeah!
28:33Yeah!
28:34Yeah!
28:34Yeah!
28:35Yo!
28:36Hold it!
28:37Hold it!
28:38Hold it!
28:40Excuse me.
28:42Step!
28:42Step!
28:48Hello.
28:50I'm gone.
28:54Now, the first thing I'd like to say to all of you here is stop thanking me, okay?
29:00Just stop thanking me.
29:02I don't know any of you people, and quite frankly, I think all of your music sucks.
29:09As for you two, I mean, come on.
29:12Do you really think I was sitting up in heaven thinking,
29:14what would I like to hear on the old celestial boom box?
29:18Hmm.
29:18How about smack my bitch and grab the booze?
29:23Yo, yo, yo, hold up, G.
29:26We was just wanting to make sure you understood how important you were to our artistic vision,
29:31right?
29:32Yeah.
29:33Wait a minute.
29:34Your artistic vision?
29:36Yo, excuse me, Mary J. Weave.
29:38But sampling is not songwriting, okay?
29:43I have never inspired any song that includes the words bitch, hoe, chronic, AK, or jiggy.
29:53Except for Ice Cubes, it was a good day.
29:55Now, that's my day.
29:56And I have never said, keep it real.
30:00Since I created reality, I don't really have to.
30:03I just want you to see what we all about.
30:06Hey, you know what?
30:07I got about one good nerve left, and you own it.
30:11Now, I don't want to get 3G here, because I have people who do that for me.
30:15But let me just save myself a trip to the Country Music Awards by letting you know, right here
30:20and now, that I had nothing to do with any songs about cheating women, big trucks, bar
30:26fights, hangovers, or jail time, okay?
30:29How do we even know that you really are the G.O.D.?
30:32Yeah, how do we know you ain't from the Wu-Tang Clan?
30:34Woo!
30:37How do you know?
30:39You need to know!
30:41Yo, look, G. throwing gang signs, y'all.
30:44I heard you from, I sound like, no, I can't call him, he's from the police government,
30:49and all my throat races, you look like the black Jesus, and I do it!
30:57Think that's funny?
30:59Wait till you see what I got for you.
31:02You want a piece of this, huh?
31:03Huh?
31:03Huh?
31:04No.
31:07Any questions?
31:09Good.
31:10Peace.
31:11I'm out.
31:19Nicole, this is the Psychic Hotline.
31:24We see a bright future.
31:26Just be careful of Phil Lamar.
31:29Don't work with him!
31:30Get off Mad TV!
31:31Get off Mad TV!
31:32No!
31:33Uh...
31:34You are now watching Mad TV.
31:39Mad!
31:39This is easily the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
31:47How do you say goodbye to a guy like Danny?
31:50Danny was a loving, loving husband.
31:55And Dorothy, we're all here for you today.
31:58You know, when it comes to Danny, I'm hard-pressed to think of a single flaw.
32:03Well, honestly, I mean, if you had to push me on it, there was one thing about Danny.
32:12He had a tendency to borrow things.
32:16Money.
32:17And then just forget about it.
32:18A hundred here, a hundred there, before you know it, he owed me eight hundred bucks, but
32:21I'm not even gonna mention that.
32:25Would I have liked to have gotten my money back?
32:27Sure, of course.
32:29I mean, I'm not some Rockefeller.
32:30I mean, I'm into some money to some people in this room.
32:33I mean, I owe Paul here, what, six hundred bucks?
32:35Seven hundred.
32:37Right.
32:38And you know what?
32:39If Danny had paid me back the eight hundred he owed me, trust me, Paul, I would have given
32:43you back the six hundred I owed you.
32:45Oh, seven.
32:48That's not important, is it?
32:50What is important is this.
32:54What if Danny didn't get into heaven because of that eight hundred dollar debt?
32:59Huh?
32:59What if the poor guy is out in limbo, and they're trying to decide if he should go up
33:05or if he should go down?
33:08I mean, doesn't that just make you sick?
33:11I mean, what do they want us to do?
33:13Get his friends together and come up with a collection to pay me back my eight hundred
33:18bucks?
33:18I mean, there's something about that that just rubs me the wrong way.
33:23But hell, hey, if that's what we gotta do to get this saint up into heaven, I think that's
33:32just what you're gonna have to do.
33:33You know, Dorothy, you could just write a check, and these guys could just pay you back.
33:39Now let's face it, Danny didn't just drop dead of a heart attack.
33:44The guy had cancer.
33:45He knew he was gonna die, and he knew he should have written me that freaking check!
33:50So what?
33:51Hey, hey, let's all say goodbye to Danny, and let's all chip in and send this wonderful
33:59man up where he belongs.
34:02Hey, Dorothy.
34:03How did I do?
34:04Did you get a chance to hear what I was saying?
34:08I mean, it's a bad time.
34:14How late do you think they're gonna keep you here tonight?
34:19Listen, listen.
34:20Dorothy, Dorothy, look.
34:21How about if you just let me write the check and you sign it later?
34:25No!
34:26Yes!
34:27No!
34:28Come on, come on, give it to me.
34:29Come on, give it to me.
34:30Give it to me.
34:31Give it to me.
34:32Give it to me!
34:33Give it to me!
34:34Give it to me!
34:38Every so often, a major motion picture comes along that speaks for an entire generation.
35:00A movie so powerful, so important, it will change your life forever
35:04and have you jumping to your feet screaming Oscar.
35:07Spishak Pictures is proud to announce that we're looking for a movie just like that.
35:12And that if you've got a script like that in the bottom drawer of some desk somewhere
35:16or you know somebody who's working on something that sounds vaguely like that
35:21or somebody who might know somebody,
35:24well then send that script to us here at Spishak Pictures
35:27and we'll guarantee that you'll get some big money
35:31after the picture's made and we figure out what's left over.
35:35Oh, and send a self-addressed stamped envelope with that
35:38because we don't have extra money laying around for postage.
35:41We're putting all the money on the screen.
35:45Spishak Pictures, making movies that make history.
35:49Someday.
35:57You are now watching the TV.
36:01Hey, what time is that sex book chick supposed to come?
36:06Man, I don't know, but I can't wait.
36:08Have you read it?
36:09Entrance to ecstasy?
36:10Let me tell you something, the only ecstasy I need is just one night with her.
36:13Hey, I'll take sloppy seconds on that.
36:15That's so doable, man.
36:17I'd like to take our page by page, chapter one through six, oral stimuli.
36:21Hey, Lala Bouvette.
36:22Lala, I'm just talking about you.
36:24Have a good time and good luck.
36:25Miss Bouvette, I really enjoyed Entrance to Ecstasy.
36:29You think the book made money, just wait until we put it on tape.
36:32So make yourself comfortable and we'll start with chapter one.
36:38And we're rolling.
36:40Anytime you're ready.
36:43Entrance to Ecstasy, chapter one.
36:46So, you want to be a sex kitten?
36:49Well, here's the purr-fect formula
36:51for bringing your man to new heights of sexual palatia.
36:55Okay, let's hold on for a second.
36:56Take one part erotica, add a dash of titillation.
37:01All right.
37:01Shake gently until a foam appears.
37:04Okay, cut, stop, just pop.
37:06I'm sorry, was I popping my peas?
37:09Popping your what?
37:11Was I not loud enough?
37:12I'll do it again.
37:14Chapter one, Entrance to Ecstasy.
37:16Miss Bouvette, see, our equipment is quite sensitive,
37:20so you really don't have to be that loud at all.
37:22Oh, okay, more like this.
37:25Entrance to Ecstasy.
37:27Right, right, right.
37:28Or even softer.
37:29Oh, well, normally I don't prefer it softer.
37:34Okay.
37:34Mmm.
37:36Oh, oh, right.
37:38You know, humor can be a real aphrodisiac.
37:42Yeah, yeah, so I've heard.
37:44Anyway, let's try it again.
37:46Let's read the book from chapter two.
37:47Okay.
37:47You know what?
37:49I find you very attractive.
37:52Oh, that's so nice.
37:53Unfortunately, I'm extremely merry.
37:55Too bad you got a tasty little ass on you.
37:59And we're rolling.
38:01Okay.
38:02Mmm.
38:03Ooh.
38:04Nothing gets your man going more than sex sound,
38:07so let it out.
38:08Oh, oh, oh.
38:10Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:11No, no, no, no, no.
38:14Oh, oh, wait, wait.
38:16Um, we're, see, we're trying,
38:19we're trying to turn people on with this tape.
38:22And what is that supposed to mean?
38:23Well, look, take a look at this part right here.
38:25Let the volcano of passion erupt.
38:28Right.
38:28Let the volcano of passion erupt.
38:30No, no, sex.
38:31Let the volcano of passion erupt.
38:33Let the volcano of passion erupt.
38:35No, no, no.
38:36Let the volcano of passion erupt until lava flows.
38:40You know what?
38:41I don't need you to tell me what's sexy and what isn't.
38:44I'll find a producer that appreciates my talent and my sensuality.
38:49Miss Bouvet, I...
38:49Stick it.
38:52Ma'am, could we, I'm, I'm sorry.
38:54Oh.
38:57I really blew it.
39:00No, you're being hard on yourself.
39:02She was just unreasonable.
39:03You think so?
39:04Yeah, man, you read sexy.
39:06Really?
39:07Really?
39:07You're so sexy.
39:16Just because your man suggests something that you've never tried, don't let your inhibitions
39:22stop you.
39:24Let yourself be wide open to all the exciting possibilities that two people can share while
39:30making wild, unrestrained love.
39:33No, you never listen to these possibilities.
39:40Let yourself burn the paramount opinions.
39:53Yes!
39:54And for you to use them, try to bleed.
39:56like every woman there are two sides to me the blue side about love and the purple side
40:17wow or vice versa i don't have eyes behind my head
40:26hey everybody thanks for having me thanks for having me it's been a fantastic year
40:50and we'll see you all again in the fall
40:52so
41:00so
41:02so
41:04so
41:06so
41:22Oh, ho, ho, ho.
41:23Oh, ho, ho, ho.
41:41Oh, ho, ho.
41:44And cut.
41:52You
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