- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 23
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00You are now watching Mav TV.
00:04Mav!
00:07Sometimes I think my life is going nowhere.
00:10My accounting job is boring.
00:13My wife and I have lost some of our passion.
00:15And I think the kids are starting to lose respect for me.
00:20I really wish there was something I could do.
00:23That was me five years ago.
00:25But I did something about it.
00:27I quit my job and I went looking for something exciting and new.
00:31That's when I contacted Home Business Marketing.
00:34And after only one month, I was selling real estate from my home.
00:38But the problem is, I'm just not much of a salesman.
00:42People don't really take to me.
00:44It's been eight months and I haven't sold a thing.
00:47And my cash is running kind of low.
00:49And I certainly don't have any money to take courses to upgrade my skills.
00:54My wife and I are fighting all the time.
00:57The kids aren't paying any attention to me.
00:59I really don't know what I'm going to do.
01:02I'm really scared.
01:06That was me four years ago.
01:08But I'll tell you, that's not me anymore.
01:11No siree.
01:12Since then, I've lost my house, my wife, and kids.
01:18I live in a motel on the edge of town where I have to drink a bottle of scotch a day just to stop the shaking.
01:24Oh, God, I'm so lowly.
01:31That was me nearly two years ago.
01:35But look at me now.
01:36I'm living in an alley behind a bar, fighting rats for scraps of bread.
01:42But hey, sometimes when I hear the happy voices coming from inside, I can imagine it's me in better times.
01:51Until someone comes along, pisses on me because they don't see me hiding in the garbage, and I'm flung back to this hell on earth.
01:58The other day, a car backed over my arm.
02:06I can't use it anymore.
02:10Sometimes for money, I pleasure men behind grocery stores.
02:18I just want to go home.
02:24That was me.
02:25That was me only a year ago.
02:27The next day, bikers came and beat me.
02:31They did things to me.
02:33Why?
02:34I never did anything wrong.
02:36I just wanted to change my job.
02:39What's wrong with that?
02:41What's wrong with that?
02:46That was me only a week ago.
02:50That's pretty sad, huh?
02:52Well, that's all going to be over soon because I finally decided what I'm going to do with my life.
03:01I'm going to hell.
03:05Who needs a lift?
03:09That was me only 30 seconds ago.
03:12I couldn't do it because I didn't have the guts.
03:15But hey, let's face it.
03:17A lot of people have it worse than I do anyway.
03:20So I decided to get down on my hands and knees and beg for my accounting job back.
03:27Who knows?
03:29I might even get to see my wife and kids again.
03:33Hey, home business marketing.
03:35I'm still here, you bastards.
03:38Anderson Accountant.
03:41Stick with us.
03:42You'll be glad you did.
03:43I'm still here, you're here, you're here, you're here, you're here, come on, come on.
03:53Man, man, you're so crazy.
04:02Man, man, man, man.
04:13Tonight on MADtv, special guest David Boreanaz, I Love Lucy 98, and South Park Nuts.
04:21Who are not watching MADtv?
04:23Me.
04:24Me.
04:24Me.
04:24Me.
04:25Me.
04:25Me.
04:25Me.
04:26Me.
04:26Me.
04:27Me.
04:27Me.
04:28Me.
04:28Me.
04:29Me.
04:30Me.
04:31Me.
04:32Me.
04:33Me.
04:34Me.
04:35Me.
04:36Me.
04:37Me.
04:38Me.
04:39Me.
04:40Me.
04:41Me.
04:42Me.
04:43Me.
04:43Me.
04:43Me.
04:45Me.
04:47Me.
04:47Me.
04:48Me.
04:50Me.
04:51pleasure and privilege to have you here, and we've got a fantastic show. So are y'all ready for the show?
04:59See, you ain't really ready for the show. See, I asked if you were ready, but you weren't really ready.
05:02Because if you're really ready for the show, you do something we call the William Stevenson
05:06cheer, okay? This is from New York, and I'm from New York. You'd have to do the William Stevenson
05:10cheer when you're ready. Now, when I say, are you ready for the show, you go, yeah! Okay? Now, here's
05:15my yeah. This is yeah. Y'all ready for the show? Yeah! Okay, now, now, see, in New York,
05:21there's a two-parter to it. Now, after the yeah, there's a uh. That's a uh. Y'all ready for the show?
05:27Yeah!
05:32Uh. Are you ready for the show? Uh. Show me my yeah? Yeah! Show me my uh. Uh. Now, ladies and gentlemen,
05:41please get ready for the William Stevenson cheer. Are you ready for the show? Yeah! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh!
05:48Yeah! Yeah! Uh! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Uh! Yeah!
05:51Now, you're ready!
05:58Thank you, guys. Wait! Look at this one video, guys. What? Oh, my God! That's hysterical!
06:04What? We should talk, I guess, more often. Mm-hmm.
06:07Charlie Frown, you're a blockhead.
06:20Yeah? Well, you're a filthy f***.
06:22I am not.
06:24Oh, yeah? You're such a filthy f*** that when you walk down the street, people say,
06:28damn! That kid's a filthy f***.
06:31Hey, Charlie Frown! I've got an idea. Why don't I hold this football and you run up and kick it?
06:39You're just going to pull it away and I'm going to fall on my ass.
06:43I promise I won't pull it away this time.
06:47Okay.
06:54That wasn't a football. That was dog f***.
06:58Ha ha ha!
07:00Whoa, dude! That piece of dog f*** looks like the profile of Golden Globe award-winning actress Linda Blair.
07:07It's a sign from God.
07:10I'm the chosen one. I'm the new messiah.
07:13Yeah. Good grief. What a sick b***h.
07:18Schloder, did you know that God has selected me to lead all of South Park Nuts to the gates of heaven?
07:25You can be my acolyte, worship me, and build me a temple. Hmm?
07:31Please.
07:32Don't you want to worship me? You're not Jewish like Charlie Frown, are you?
07:39That's right.
07:39Screw you, butt munch!
07:43Get off!
07:45Ew!
07:46Arg!
07:47Germs!
07:48I've been humped by a dog!
07:51Black!
07:53Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
07:57Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
08:00A-U-T-O-E-R-U.
08:07Ha ha ha!
08:08Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
08:10I am not a blockhead. I'm small-bodied.
08:15Attention! Attention! I, your God, command you to attend the World Revelation Convocation after school. Dress will be casual.
08:27What's up with your sister, dude? Now she's saying she's God.
08:36You're right. She's a fat ass.
08:39It's time to get gone, people. Here is the great punch which will take us to the promised land.
08:48Here you go, messiah.
08:50Ah, the sound of cyanide. The sound of cold, hard poison. A whiff of bitter almond.
08:58Mmm, mmm, I love it!
09:01This punch is strong, children. It's got a kick. Just like sweet love.
09:09This is f***ed up. They're gonna kill themselves. We've got to do something.
09:22They killed Slinus! You bastards! Arrgh!
09:27Rats. What are you gonna do about it, Charlie Frown? You're nothing but a blockhead.
09:36I am not a blockhead. I have a festively large cranium.
09:41Charlie Frown's a big blockhead, a big blockhead, a big blockhead. The biggest blockhead in the whole wide world.
09:47On Monday, Tuesday, he's a blockhead. Wednesday through Saturday, he's a blockhead.
09:51Charlie Frown is a big blockhead!
09:54Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
10:14Well, I guess it's just us now, Sloopy. Me and man's best friend.
10:19I will be back with you in two minutes.
10:33Alright, people, listen up. We've got a situation on our hands.
10:36We've got a 767 flying through the air with no crew.
10:39Everybody who had the pork tartare dinner is sick, possibly dying.
10:43We're gonna have to talk this puppy down. I need everybody to stay sharp!
10:46Okay, Marie, can you hear me? Marie, honey, can you hear me?
10:51Uh, yes, Joe. What are we gonna do?
10:54Marie, can you help me bring this plane down?
10:57I don't... I don't think I can do it, Joe. I...
11:02Marie? Marie?
11:05Dammit! I'm lost! What are we gonna do?
11:07We're gonna bring that plane down!
11:09If I have to get out on that runway with my old little league catcher's mitt and catcher's...
11:12Hello?
11:13Hello?
11:14Hello?
11:15Hello, who is this?
11:16Hello?
11:17Alright, whatever this is, do you have any experience flying planes?
11:19Yes.
11:20Great, great. Okay, what kind of planes have you flown?
11:23I don't know.
11:25Alright, that's not important.
11:27The important thing is that you've flown. Now, do you think you can land this plane?
11:31I believe it is possible.
11:33Fantastic. That's what I want to hear. Alright, this is gonna be easy.
11:36Sweetheart, what's your name?
11:37Antonia.
11:38Antonia, I'm Joe.
11:40Hello, Joe.
11:41Hi. Okay, let's start with the basics.
11:44I have a cat named Cece.
11:46Excuse me?
11:48You're excused.
11:49Very funny, sweetie, but we do not have time for games.
11:53Alright.
11:54Now, I want you to look up above you.
11:58You should see the autopilot switch.
12:00Autopilot.
12:01Oh, God, no!
12:04Hit the autopilot switch again!
12:06Hit it again!
12:08Okay, alright.
12:10It's my fault. I should have been more clear.
12:12Now, I didn't intend for you to hit the switch.
12:14I just wanted to make sure you knew where the autopilot switch was.
12:16Autopilot.
12:17Which one?
12:18Autopilot.
12:19Oh!
12:20Turn it on!
12:21Hit the switch!
12:22Turn it back on!
12:23Hey, hunk it, honey.
12:25Don't touch that switch, okay?
12:27That's very important.
12:28Roger, Joe.
12:30Alright.
12:31Can you see?
12:32A gray lever should be right under the autopilot switch.
12:35Autopilot.
12:36Oh!
12:37Back on!
12:40Oh, okay.
12:41My fault.
12:42I should not have mentioned the...
12:44Autopilot switch?
12:46Autopilot.
12:47Oh!
12:48She just hit the autopilot switch.
12:50Yes, Ray, she did!
12:51Antonia, hit the switch again!
12:53Turn it back on!
12:55Yeah!
12:56Okay, sweetheart.
12:57Pumpkin, we are running out of time, so I want you to listen very carefully to me.
13:01I want you to take the gray lever and move it slowly back.
13:05Can you do that?
13:06Yes.
13:07Alright.
13:08Then go ahead, sweetie, and do that!
13:11Uh-oh.
13:12What?
13:13What happened?
13:14I forgot my peanuts.
13:15Be right back.
13:16What?
13:17No, no, no!
13:20She forgot her peanuts.
13:21God, I hate it when that happens.
13:23Are you joking?!
13:24There are 400 people about to die and you're telling jokes?!
13:27Sorry.
13:29How are they doing?
13:30Well, the good news is they're flying low.
13:31Oh, my God.
13:32The bad news is it's about eight feet off the ground.
13:36I got my peanut.
13:38Hello.
13:39Okay, sweetie.
13:40Okay, new plan.
13:41Alright, Antonia, this is what I want you to do.
13:44Okay?
13:45I want you to go back to the passenger cabin and get someone else to come fly this plane,
13:50okay?
13:51Anyone!
13:52A child!
13:53It doesn't matter!
13:54Joe!
13:55You better tell her to hurry up, man, because she's coming right at us.
13:57Right?
13:58I'm in the zone.
13:59Yeah, well, get out the zone because she's coming right at us!
14:00Right?
14:02I can see you.
14:04You are now watching Matt TV.
14:11D.
14:13D.
14:14D.
14:15D.
14:16D.
14:17D.
14:21You are now watching Matt TV.
14:23D.
14:24D.
14:25D.
14:27D.
14:28D.
14:29D.
14:32and now a mad tv classic eee proudly presents an exclusive special in which the most controversial
14:40and acclaimed writer of such films as basic instinct flash dance and showgirls talks about
14:45his most important film to date tonight joe esterhouse basic instinct and fist are merely
14:51mainstream mega hits one of the soul is entirely different because it is the first film that i've
14:58written and directed it is a slice of life about women for women it is the drama that is life
15:08and nothing more
15:11i look at that tree and i think about when it was planted and now it's so big and tall and i wonder
15:19where my life went you know if that tree could talk i wonder what it would say about our lives
15:24mama never realized her dreams that's when i knew i had to follow mine and move to iowa
15:30become an ice sculptor get my phd in ornithology finish that opera and start a family honey i fixed
15:39up your favorite sandwich and some french fries i am not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore
15:45not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i'm not a whore i
16:15she meets hank the sheriff who is the sensitive salt of the earth guy she's been waiting for
16:25all her life hank's escaping with certain demons of his own and he finds a redemption
16:35when he comes to investigate the murder of sally's husband joe where were you when your
16:41husband was killed that's not what you really want to know is it hank
16:47well aren't you going to examine the body
17:11some critics have accused you of being well in your post-funeral scene they've accused you of
17:19being sensationalist absolutely strong women are sensational people because they're strong
17:23and that is exactly how strong women react in times of grief and loss sensationally
17:29he was such a good man it's so hard i know and we're right here for you right here
17:40katherine is by far the most compelling character i've created wasn't katherine the sharon stone
17:53character from basic instinct yes sally is by far the most original compelling character i've created
18:04the water represents the grief and subsequent sexual liberation of the women and women in general
18:32giving this movie an nc-17 rating is the equivalent of burning books we've seen it in berlin in 1931 and
18:43now we're seeing in hollywood in 1996
18:45sally i know it's you i've got the fingerprints videotape and i speak on my other pants to prove it
18:57well aren't you going to examine the body
19:02people expect a certain kind of film from joe ss but i'm not doing this for them
19:12i am doing this for my daughters
19:16my wives
19:18my girlfriends
19:21their daughters as well
19:25the script girl at paramount
19:29the uh the the the lady who details my bronco
19:34there was a girl actually just last night who uh uh
19:39i would dedicate this film to her
19:42i don't know if i remembered her name
19:45that's funny
19:53what's your name
19:56one two three four
20:14you made me love you
20:17i didn't wanna do it
20:19i didn't wanna do it
20:21you made me love you
20:24and all the time you knew it
20:26and all the time you
20:27what
20:28pick a key and we'll meet you there
20:30oh what do you mean
20:31oh lucy you sound just awful
20:33well you're no barbastrize and yourself
20:35bye bye lucy i'm going to the club i'll see you later
20:38oh no ricky we're trying out our new act
20:41i know i've been trying not to listen
20:42no
20:43look i got to go we got to rehearse the big production number with the artist formerly known as prince
20:48that's right we're gonna be the perfect opening act for you two
20:51nothing doing
20:52why not
20:53i explained that to you a million times
20:56well explain it to me again
20:58now what
21:00hello ricardo residence
21:05oh artist formerly known as prince
21:08yes i was just heading out the door
21:10what
21:11your three backup singers got food poisoning from the tuna fish sandwiches
21:15and you can't find anyone to replace them
21:18i'll tell you what
21:20come over here i got all the singers in town on fire
21:23okay we'll see you then
21:26ayayayay what a pratica mean
21:29lost your backup singers huh ricky
21:31yeah and i don't know where i'm gonna find them
21:33they have such short notice
21:34well don't you worry honey
21:35sometimes the answer is right under your nose
21:38well then
21:39mwah
21:40like my mother used to say
21:41julio iglesia morillo conchito
21:43i couldn't agree with her more
21:47oh no you don't lucy i know that look
21:50yeah so do i
21:51no you don't fred
21:52we're gonna be the artist formerly known as prince's new backup singers
21:55oh have you lost your marbles
21:57oh yeah girl are you crazy
21:59have you seen those backup singers of his
22:01well they're young and sexy
22:02well we'll just have to be younger and sexier
22:05ha ha
22:06i'll get it
22:15oh it's the artist formerly known as prince
22:21it's good to see you again rick
22:26and please you can just call me the artist
22:29wow thanks a lot the artist
22:31look there's a couple of singers that i want to talk to you about
22:35what the fuck
22:37heck
22:37is this your idea of a joke rick
23:03it's me isn't it you don't think i'm sexy
23:05well i haven't for years
23:07i've never been so humiliated in my entire life
23:10and that includes the premiere of under the cherry moon
23:15look what you done lucy this time you've gone too far
23:22that's so funny
23:27lucy we tricked you
23:29the artist backup singers are fine
23:32oh
23:32yeah this was just a clever ruse to put everybody in the mood to get our freak on
23:36you heard him girly
23:38we're gonna have an o-r-g-y
23:39you were in on this too
23:41four of us always wanted to get it on together
23:44and we figured this would be the perfect time
23:46what would the artist be in here and all
23:47ha ha
23:48we're gonna have ourselves an orgy
23:50well not you lucy
23:52it's just me and the three guys
23:53waka waka
23:54and i thought deb's on the little fella
23:56oh
23:57oh no lucy what's the matter
24:01ah i wanna be in the orgy too
24:05what
24:06we'll let you freak with us but only if you promise no more crazy schemes
24:11i promise ricky
24:13okay
24:13oh cool
24:15come on
24:16let's get crazy
24:17all right
24:18ha ha
24:19remember kitty
24:20the safety word's bananas
24:21okay
24:22hey lucy you coming
24:28not yet
24:29but i will be
24:31coming up next
24:43coming up next
24:44on mad tv
24:46from the set of buffy the vampire slayer
24:49man do footloose
24:50i'm not doing footloose
24:51i like to illustrate
24:52stories for you kids here
24:54do press
24:55do press
24:56bird turtle
24:57if a guy comes at me
24:58waving this thing in my face
24:59then i've got a right to defend myself
25:01may
25:02you are now watching mad tv
25:07so terrible roxanne
25:15i know
25:16do i know you
25:27david boreal is home
25:30man you the guy for footloose
25:31no
25:3622
25:36no
25:37oh my god
25:39you came
25:40hi roxanne
25:41oh i am so glad
25:44you dragged yourself away
25:45from the set of buffy
25:46the vampire slayer
25:48to be here today
25:49i'm so sorry to hear about larry
25:51it's really tragic
25:53such a terrible loss
25:56wow
25:58you've been working out
26:00haven't you
26:00i try to keep in shape
26:02well
26:03i'm just so glad
26:04you actually came
26:05what are you talking about
26:07me and larry have been friends
26:09for a long time
26:10i mean god
26:10i couldn't miss a funeral
26:11well
26:11i have to admit
26:12i am very upset with you
26:14why
26:15angel finally got a soul
26:17you and buffy were in love
26:18and then you have to go
26:19and turn all evil again
26:20i'm sorry
26:21the producers make
26:23all those choices
26:24excuse me
26:25mr boreanis
26:26i'm a really big fan
26:27of yours
26:27thank you
26:28i was wondering
26:29um
26:30if i could maybe
26:30take a picture
26:31well maybe this really
26:33isn't quite
26:34no david
26:34you better let her
26:35otherwise she'll never
26:36go away
26:37okay
26:38oh great
26:39okay
26:39i just gotta
26:40gotta set this timer
26:41on the thing here
26:42okay
26:43i'm gonna put that there
26:45and um
26:46okay
26:46i think there really
26:48is a time and a place
26:49for this kind of thing
26:50oh yeah great
26:52okay
26:53you're awesome
26:54thank you
26:54thank you
26:55oh man
26:59so at least you didn't suffer
27:02no it was over in minutes
27:03typical larry
27:04do you ever think about
27:09you and me
27:10uh what do you mean
27:12oh you know
27:13that night we went parking
27:14down by the river
27:15oh look
27:18it's the minister
27:18oh my goodness
27:20wait a minute
27:20is this who i think it is
27:22yes
27:22mr david boreanis
27:23not too shabby
27:24you're not going to
27:26soak my blood are you
27:27actually
27:33roxanne
27:33maybe we should sit down
27:34so they can start the service
27:35okay
27:36mr party pooper
27:37we are gathered here today
27:45to pay our last respects
27:46to our dear departed brother
27:47larry selby
27:48and larry as you know
27:50had many
27:50caring and
27:52wonderful friends
27:53such as
27:54mr david boreanis
27:55yeah
27:56yeah
27:57and of course
27:58we were all hoping
27:59and praying
27:59that you would get together
28:01with buffy
28:01can i get an amen
28:02amen
28:03but no
28:04this season
28:05i said
28:07this season
28:07you had to go
28:08and lose your soul
28:09and become a dirty
28:09old regular bastard
28:10again
28:11excuse me
28:14can i say something
28:15should we let
28:16mr david boreanis
28:18say something
28:19action
28:20you know
28:23to be perfectly honest
28:25i feel really uncomfortable
28:26with all this attention
28:27man do footloose
28:28i'm not doing footloose
28:29please
28:30you're thinking of someone else
28:31god
28:32our good friend
28:36larry selby
28:37is lying here
28:38dead
28:38and all you can think about
28:40and talk about
28:41is my career
28:42it's wrong
28:43it's terrible
28:44and it's wrong
28:44cause you know what
28:45i'd give it up
28:46all right now
28:47my good friend
28:48larry selby
28:48could be alive today
28:49yes
28:50i told you guys
28:52you still like me
28:53of course i do
28:54you're alive
28:55you're alive
28:56what the hell
28:58these guys
28:59were trying to tell me
29:00that you'd forgotten
29:00all about me
29:01you know
29:01they said that
29:02even if i died
29:03you wouldn't come
29:03to the funeral
29:04but
29:04you're here man
29:05that's just the coolest
29:06you're sick
29:07you're sick
29:07you're sick
29:08you're sick
29:09you're all sick
29:13you know what
29:14the worst part of it is
29:15huh
29:15i gave up a meeting
29:17with martin scorsese
29:18to be here
29:20today
29:20gave the part to
29:22kevin bacon
29:23kevin bacon
29:24that's who
29:25i was to
29:25shut up
29:26he ain't for losing
29:28he ain't for losing
29:29he did something
29:31to his hair
29:32yeah and those eyes
29:34he's had some work done
29:35i am sick
29:47and tired
29:48of your incompetence
29:49i spent half
29:50of my day
29:51covering for your mistakes
29:52and i got enough
29:53to do running
29:53this company
29:54without doing
29:55your work for you
29:56i know
29:56so you get that done
29:57and you get it done
29:58right
29:58okay
29:58okay because if you
29:59hand me another piece
30:00of crap like you did
30:01last time
30:02you were fired
30:02do you understand
30:03that mister
30:03yep
30:04now get to work
30:05all right
30:05is that clear
30:05yes sir
30:06okay we're straight
30:06then
30:07we're straight
30:07okay
30:07get on
30:08okay
30:08and i was this close
30:11from telling that guy
30:12where to go
30:13oh yeah
30:14disrespecting me like that
30:15you know how's a guy
30:16supposed to get any work done
30:17with someone on their ass
30:17like that all the time
30:18you know a guy can only
30:19take so much
30:20yeah that's true
30:21yeah i tell you what
30:22that guy comes in here
30:23one more time
30:23and tries that
30:24i'm gonna tell him
30:25just how far
30:25and how fast
30:26he can stick it
30:27no more
30:28man
30:29you know
30:30there comes a time
30:31where a man's
30:32gotta make a stand
30:33what are you doing
30:34what
30:34you're gonna stand
30:35around all day
30:36i just told you
30:37to get to work
30:38okay
30:38now if you got
30:39a problem with that
30:39you let me know
30:40right now
30:40otherwise
30:41you stick your face
30:42in those folders
30:42and you start working
30:43all right
30:43is that understood
30:44yes
30:45okay
30:45so if you got
30:46a problem with that
30:46you let me know
30:47you have a problem
30:47with that
30:47if you were gonna
30:48have a problem
30:49with that
30:49you'd say something
30:50yes sir
30:50you got anything to say
30:51no sir
30:51nothing to share
30:52i'm fine
30:52nothing to get off
30:53your chest
30:53i'm fine
30:53okay
30:54get to work
30:54all right
30:55man i was
30:58this close
30:59you are
31:14you are not
31:18watching mad tv
31:19you believe that
31:25guy
31:25he was wearing a line
31:26but that is one
31:27hell of an understatement
31:28you know i was this
31:29close to him popping
31:29him one
31:30man
31:31you know who'd blame
31:32him i mean the guy
31:32was poking at you
31:33pretty hard
31:34you're darn right
31:34he was he was
31:35begging for it
31:36getting in my face
31:37like that
31:38waving his thing
31:40in my face
31:40he's cruising for a
31:42bruising
31:42yeah well he wasn't
31:43actually waving his
31:44thing in your face
31:44you know what i mean
31:46he was disrespecting me
31:47waving his thing
31:48in my face
31:49you know i should've
31:50torn it off
31:50teach a guy to go
31:52around waving his
31:52thing in other guys
31:53faces
31:54okay look i'd agree
31:55that the guy was
31:55pretty confrontational
31:56you're darn right
31:57he was confrontational
31:58you remember when he
31:59got up on the table
32:00and started dancing
32:01around waving his
32:02thing in my face
32:03wait a minute he never
32:04got on the table
32:05he didn't even leave
32:05his seat
32:06but you know what i mean
32:07i mean if this was
32:08the old west
32:09and some guy just got
32:10up on a table
32:11and started dancing
32:12around waving his
32:12thing in my face
32:13i'd kill him
32:14i'd kill him
32:15you know what
32:16i i think maybe
32:17you ought to
32:17cool down for a bit
32:18that's easy for you
32:20to say he wasn't
32:20waving his thing
32:21in your face
32:21oh come on
32:22he wasn't waving
32:22his thing in your
32:23face either
32:23you know what i mean
32:25well i did but i'm
32:25not so sure now
32:26look all i'm saying
32:27is if a guy comes
32:28at me with a chainsaw
32:29oh he didn't come
32:30at you with a chainsaw
32:31if if a guy comes
32:32at me with a chainsaw
32:34and he's waving
32:34his thing in my face
32:35then i've got a right
32:36to defend myself
32:37right
32:38look he said a couple
32:40of mean things
32:41that's it
32:41he didn't have a
32:42chainsaw
32:43he didn't get up
32:44on the table
32:44and he didn't wave
32:45his thing in your
32:46face
32:47yeah but you
32:49might as well have
32:50you know i think
32:52you're getting just
32:52a little too worked
32:54up about all
32:54he was waving
32:55his thing in my face
32:56metaphorically
32:57well of course
32:59metaphorically
33:00i mean you think
33:01i'd be this calm
33:02if he had actually
33:03waved his thing
33:04in my face
33:05okay so you're not
33:07gonna do anything
33:08stupid
33:08aside from working
33:10here another 20
33:11years no i've got
33:11nothing stupid
33:12man
33:13dabney can i talk
33:15to you for a minute
33:16you know i i don't
33:18know that i have
33:18anything to say to
33:19you right now
33:19well that's a real
33:20shame because i came
33:21here to apologize
33:22you know what
33:22could you please
33:24stop waving that
33:24thing in my face
33:25sorry i forget i
33:27have it sometimes
33:28look i was way
33:30out of line in there
33:30i shouldn't have
33:31said the things i
33:32said i'm sorry
33:34because really
33:36that's nothing to do
33:37with you i mean
33:37it's just that i'm
33:38having a bad day
33:39and i took it out
33:40on you
33:40and i shouldn't have
33:41and i apologize
33:42it's all right
33:43angie
33:44apology accepted
33:45okay
33:50see you at lunch
33:51all right
33:52see
33:59what i said it's a
34:15great restaurant isn't
34:16it
34:16right
34:17what i have something
34:30you what i have something
34:31to tell you
34:32i don't know
34:33i don't know everything's
34:34so good
34:34we've been going out
34:38for a while
34:39and
34:40we've been going out
34:43for a while now
34:44and um
34:45i don't think it's
34:47working out
34:47what
34:49i don't think it's
34:52working out
34:53we're not working out
34:54no i love this place
34:57no no
34:58i'm breaking up
35:00with you
35:00what
35:01i'm breaking up
35:03with you
35:04no can't eat steak
35:05no way
35:06no i'm breaking up
35:08with you
35:09you're what
35:10i
35:11am
35:13breaking
35:15up
35:17with you
35:19i love you too
35:24honey
35:24no no
35:26our relationship
35:28isn't working
35:29my job's going
35:30great
35:31no no not your job
35:32our relationship
35:33this relationship
35:34isn't working
35:35it's between the salmon
35:37and the lamb
35:38i don't know
35:38no
35:39our relationship
35:41is
35:41are we ready to order
35:43what
35:44he wants to take our order
35:47no i love his pants
35:50great
35:51we'll both have the salmon
35:54very good
35:55menu
35:57no honey
36:00what were you trying to say before
36:01our relationship
36:06isn't working
36:08no no
36:08we are through
36:09the fabric
36:10just got caught
36:11that's all
36:12no
36:12our relationship
36:15isn't working
36:16it's over
36:17on tuesdays
36:18i have meetings
36:19at eight o'clock
36:20i can't
36:21are you okay
36:26are you okay sweetie
36:26what
36:29i'm fine
36:30what
36:31everything's fine
36:34everything's great
36:35do you love me
36:37yes i love you
36:39what
36:40i love you
36:42everything's okay
36:43what
36:44i love you
36:45and i want to be
36:46with you forever
36:47you're wonderful
36:49i'll tell you
36:52when this relationship's
36:53not working
36:54what
36:56not
36:57what
36:58what
36:59nothing
37:01nothing
37:02nothing
37:03you are not watching
37:14mad tv
37:15and now it's time to art party
37:21with your host
37:22hayley strong
37:23hi kids welcome back
37:25welcome back to my studio
37:27i'm hayley strong
37:28as you know
37:28i love to draw
37:29drawing is easy
37:30drawing is fun
37:32what i like to do is
37:33i like to illustrate
37:34stories for you kids here
37:35right here
37:36so that we can imagine
37:37ourselves in
37:38the stories
37:39now
37:40we start here
37:41at the candy stand
37:42where fluffy fish works
37:43now
37:43as you remember
37:44last week when fluffy fish got the job
37:45yeah
37:46okay i do
37:46now
37:46lefty the snake comes in
37:48and he wants to get himself
37:49a caramel apple
37:50wait
37:50that's not a good carmel apple
37:52yeah that's a good carmel apple
37:55okay
37:55so he wants to get himself a carmel apple
37:57and he asks
37:58fluffy fish
37:59he says
38:00are you going over
38:01to mama turtle's lily pad tonight
38:03see it turns out
38:04that the furry turtle's having a big birthday party for her there
38:07and fluffy fish shook his head
38:09no
38:10no
38:11i'm not going
38:11no
38:12no
38:12and then the snake said to him
38:14he says
38:15are you saying fluffy fish
38:16fluffy fish said
38:17no
38:18i'm not saying
38:18it's just that it's my birthday
38:20too
38:20and no one's throwing a big birthday party
38:22for me
38:24and the snake said
38:25well that's
38:26i'm sorry about that
38:26but hey
38:27have a happy birthday
38:28anywho
38:28and maybe i'll see you tonight
38:30over at the furry turtle's house
38:31goodbye
38:32and he just walked out
38:33he just left
38:34so
38:35anywho
38:36all right
38:36fluffy fish was determined
38:37that he was going to have a fun birthday party anyway
38:39so he thought
38:40he'd go over
38:41to the lily pad
38:42to enjoy the party
38:43because he figured
38:44any birthday party
38:45is better than none
38:46isn't that right kids
38:47okay i'm gonna turn the picture
38:48okay
38:49now
38:50so fluffy fish went home
38:52and he combed his fluff
38:53and he wrapped a box
38:54of the biggest chocolate bonbons
38:56they had in the candy store
38:58to give
38:58to mama turtle
38:59over at her lily pad
39:00then he set off
39:01across the forest
39:02like this
39:03set off
39:04across
39:04sugar cube bridge
39:05over to furry turtle's lily pad
39:08there on the banks
39:09of the big wood strength
39:10just like that
39:11okay then
39:12when he got
39:13to that lily pad
39:14everyone opened up
39:15the door wide
39:16and they yelled
39:16surprise
39:17surprise for a turtle
39:19happy birthday
39:20oh gee
39:21all his friends
39:22were there
39:23let's see who was there
39:24okay
39:24the pink
39:26okay we had
39:27chip the monk
39:29we had the howling owl
39:31we had alligator
39:33we had libby
39:34the crayfish
39:35we had our friend
39:36lefty the snake
39:37of course
39:38and we had a cat
39:39with that
39:39kitty cat
39:41what was that cat's name
39:42can't remember
39:43cat's not there
39:44cat's not there
39:44okay
39:45but fluffy fish said
39:46I thought you all
39:47had forgotten my birthday
39:48and furry turtle said
39:49no we would never forget
39:51your birthday
39:51like that
39:52cause he said it
39:53you know why
39:54cause we
39:55are
39:55friends
39:57okay
39:57well I'll see you next week
39:59on art party
40:01this has been art party
40:04with Kaylee Strong
40:05stay tuned for
40:06cooking with AJ Pork
40:07coming up next
40:08no Billy
40:15I can't go out
40:16on Saturday night
40:17I'm on TV
40:19I want to thank
40:39everyone here
40:40I want to thank
40:42David Boreanaz
40:43our special guest
40:44and I want to remind
40:48everyone to drink
40:49a lot of water
40:50and take two aspirin
40:51before you go to bed
40:51goodnight
40:52goodnight
40:53goodnight
40:55goodnight
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