- 3 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 16
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00Hi, everybody! Hi! Welcome to the show!
00:13My dream came true. I'm on MADtv. Do you guys love MADtv?
00:19Me too! Come on, new best friend!
00:24You know what's weird? Everyone at my school, which is Cal State Fullerton...
00:32Go Titans!
00:36Everybody at my school loves MADtv.
00:39And every night on Saturday nights in my dorm room, we throw MADtv slash pajama parties.
00:48Poen!
00:51It's crazy! You guys should call him sometime.
00:54Alright, so everybody ready to enjoy the show?
00:56Alright, I'll see you later!
01:18You're so crazy!
01:22Hey! You're so crazy!
01:40Say you got me gone!
01:48MAD!
01:50You are now watching the TV!
01:52MAD!
01:55And now, Magic Johnson for reading this fundamental.
01:59Hey, boys and girls! My name is Magic!
02:05Ch...
02:08Ch...
02:13Ch...
02:14Ch...
02:15Ch...
02:16Ch...
02:17Ch...
02:18That's it!
02:19Alright!
02:20You know, boys and girls, reading truly is funky mental.
02:25That's right!
02:26You know, I can't stress enough the importance of reading to your chitlins each and every night.
02:33Chitlins love to have their favorite story read it to them.
02:38So, it unlocks their minds as well as their immigration.
02:44Bet you didn't know that.
02:46So, who wanna hear a story?
02:49Well, alright, all eight of you.
02:52So, we gonna start with Golden Blacks and the Three Beards.
02:58Golden Blacks and the Three Bears.
03:01Well, we'll read that one next.
03:03Here we go.
03:05Open up your immigration.
03:07Once upon a time...
03:09Golden Blacks...
03:10Women...
03:11Heh.
03:12Women...
03:13Women...
03:14Woo!
03:15Yes!
03:16Alright!
03:17Alright!
03:18Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
03:35While in the woods, she entered an empty cabinet.
03:40And that's when she discovered...
03:42The Rebo's!
03:43Right?
03:44Ha!
03:45Ha!
03:46It's never too late to learn how to read.
03:47Really.
03:48No, we're serious.
03:49Even if you're forty and rich, you can still learn.
03:50For real.
03:51The Popperverse said, somebody's been sleeping in my bed and there she is!
03:53Somebody better get out of there! Golden Blacks, you got to go! Them fields are dangerous! Run, Golden Blacks, run! Did anybody see the magic hour?
04:18Everybody see the magic hour?
04:25You are mad!
04:30You are mad!
04:35From Hollywood, the dating capital of the free world, it's The Dating Game!
04:41And now the star of our show, Chuck Woolery!
04:46Thank you!
04:52Welcome to our show!
04:54Why don't we get things started by introducing tonight's bachelors.
04:58Bachelor number one is the chair of the English Lit Department at Harvard.
05:02He's the world's leading Shakespearean scholar.
05:05Please welcome Reginald Toussaint.
05:07Bachelor number two is a self-made millionaire from the island of Jamaica.
05:19He enjoys traveling the world in his own private jet.
05:23Please welcome Raphael Montego.
05:25Bachelor number three is a singer-songwriter who's known as having the silkiest, smoothest voice in the 90s.
05:39He's got millions of female fans worldwide.
05:42Please welcome Brian McKnight.
05:44Now why don't we meet the gal who's gonna pick one of our lucky bachelors.
05:56She's a meter maid from Hawthorne, California.
05:59She describes herself as friendly, outgoing, and easy to get along with.
06:04Please welcome Bonifah Latifah Sharifah Halifah Jackson.
06:18Welcome to the dating game, Bonifah.
06:20Thank you, Chuck.
06:21You know, I'm really happy to be here.
06:23Oh, you mind if I give a shout-out to my peeps?
06:25No, go right ahead.
06:26Hey!
06:27Hey, Clueless!
06:28Hi, Mama!
06:29Oh, my baby brother, Marty.
06:31You better be taping this for me, boy.
06:33Oh, oh, oh, Sonia!
06:34Sonia!
06:35Look!
06:36Can you believe I'm standing here?
06:37Girl, I don't know why they didn't pick you.
06:39Couldn't have been because of that big boy you had on your butt, because ain't nobody knew about it but me.
06:42Okay!
06:43Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
06:45What, what you doing?
06:46Well, I just thought we ought to get started with the show.
06:48I know, but didn't you say I could give a shout-out to my peeps?
06:51Well, yes, but of course there's a limited...
06:53Okay, now, I, I, I, I, I, I, then don't tell me I can do something to tell me I can't, okay?
07:00I mean, you may run this show, Chuck, but you don't run Bonifah Latifah, Halifah, Sharifah, Jackson, hello, and good evening.
07:13Sorry, uh, is there anybody else you'd like to say hello to?
07:17No, thank you, Chuck, you know I'm ready to be so fine, Bachelor.
07:22Okay, why don't we get started with your first question, Bonifah?
07:26Okay.
07:29Bachelor number one, I've been away from the dating scene for a year, cause men are dogs, okay?
07:36What would you do to make me, ooh, ooh, ooh, feel good about dating again?
07:45If I profane with this unworthiest hand that holy shrine, the gentle sin is this, my lips, two pilgrims, stand ready to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
07:58What the hell, are you speaking Mexican?
07:59No, it's, uh, it's actually Shakespeare.
08:01Well, I can't eat no Shakespeare.
08:02What about dinner?
08:03Well, I studied at the Cordon Bleu, I thought I would cook you dinner.
08:04Cook me dinner?
08:05Okay, let me tell you something, okay?
08:06I'm not coming over your house for no fried bologna sandwiches and chips, okay?
08:09You need to take me to a classy restaurant like Red Lobster, and show me some respect.
08:24Well, I'm not coming over your house for no fried bologna sandwiches and chips, okay?
08:29You need to take me to a classy restaurant like Red Lobster, and show me some respect.
08:36like Red Lobster and show me some respect, brother.
08:43Bachelor number two, same question.
08:47First girl, I pick you up in my private limousine.
08:50Then I take you on my private plane, won't go to Paris.
08:53The next morning, we wake up, go to Italy and do some chopping.
08:56Boyaka!
09:01I wouldn't mind coming along on that trip myself.
09:06Ha ha! Anybody invite you? Sure.
09:18So bachelor number two, you would scoop me up and fly me halfway around the world?
09:26That's right. Yeah, Mo!
09:30Did you even think about checking at me to see what my schedule was like?
09:33No! And even if I did take a trip like that, I got to get my nails done, my feet did, my hair we've tightened.
09:39And that takes time. So you need to respect a sister and her time.
09:42That's what you need to do.
09:44Slow your roll, banana boy.
09:49Man, what's wrong with this crazy bum clap?
09:51Boyaka! I need a mercy!
09:52Come on, Rasta.
09:53Come on, Rasta.
09:54Bachelor number three.
09:55It's a snowy winter night and we've taken a long drive.
10:04Oops, I forgot my sweater.
10:09How are you gonna keep me warm?
10:12Well, that's not a problem, baby. See, first thing I do is I put my arm around you, slide you over next to me.
10:22Because with you and me in the car, I know we'd be generating a lot of heat.
10:26I said I forgot my sweater, not my self-respect. You don't know me.
10:34How do you know I'm not anemic? I do have the trait.
10:39Shit, I may have to go to the hospital. He was trying to get your freak on.
10:42You need to respect a sister's body. That's what you need to do.
10:45Benef, I didn't mean that.
10:46You didn't mean what?
10:47Well, I just...
10:48You just what?
10:49If you just give me a...
10:50Give me a what? A break? A dollar? A time? What?
10:52Benef, you can't treat your perspective bachelors that way.
10:58No, I'm just saying that, you know, generally...
11:01When you come on the show that people are...
11:06Okay, why don't you just pick a date already?
11:09Uh, okay. Um...
11:11Three!
11:12Um...
11:13I don't know, Chuck, it's like, like, really hard.
11:17Like...
11:18They all shut up!
11:22It's like really hard cuz they all sound so good, so I'm gonna need a minute
11:33I said I'm gonna need a minute
11:35Sonia, you watching, right? So what these fools look like?
11:45Say what? Oh, girl, you lied. Wait, wait, wait. Brian McNighton on the other side of that wall?
11:51Girl, I got to go.
11:55Bonifah, that's not how the show works.
11:57So you watch how Bonifah works.
11:59Brian, your soulmate is here!
12:02Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
12:05Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
12:10He had my babies! He had my babies! He had my babies!
12:14Well, I guess he's chosen bachelor number three.
12:18But he had my babies. He had my babies!
12:24It was so good!
12:26What you said to leave me out?
12:31No, my God! You're the one that doesn't know what the hell you want!
12:34Babe, you kiss your mother with a mug.
12:36Babe!
12:37Babe!
12:39Okay, that's two Cokes, one diet, one medium, two medium popcorns, and a nacho with cheese.
12:52That comes to $50 even.
12:57Thank you very much. Enjoy the movie.
13:01Next, please.
13:03Hello.
13:09I'm sorry I didn't even see you there.
13:15Hey, you know what, little sweetie? I'm going to get you a stool.
13:21Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a little girl.
13:26Are you still going to need that?
13:27Thanks to you.
13:32Oh, okay, okay, yeah.
13:37Okay. What can I get for you?
13:39Yeah, yeah, what you can get for me?
13:44Well, what would you like?
13:45Yeah, you know, something to eat, you know, I got to see the movie.
13:50Yeah, yeah, well, you know, we got lots of stuff here.
13:53We've got popcorn, pretzels, nachos, we got candy bars.
13:58Yeah, yeah, okay.
13:58Oh, would you like a candy bar?
13:59No, popcorn.
14:01Okay, popcorn it is.
14:02Yeah.
14:03Yeah, what size would you like?
14:05Okay.
14:05Small, medium, or large?
14:10Yeah, yeah, you know, a lot of small, okay.
14:15Which?
14:16Which one?
14:17The small, the medium, or the large?
14:19Yeah, okay, I'll tell you.
14:22No, you actually haven't told me anything yet.
14:25Do you want the small, the medium, or the large here?
14:29See?
14:30Let me see.
14:42I cannot taste a difference.
14:44What?
14:47See, there's no difference in the taste.
14:49They're all the same taste.
14:50What, you trying to rip me off?
14:52I'm not trying to rip you off.
14:55You're the one that doesn't know what the hell you want.
14:57Hey, you kiss your mother with a mouth.
15:00Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
15:02I got something else you can kiss, I'll tell you that.
15:06Yo, yo, what's the deal?
15:07What's the whole love?
15:07Hey, it'll be okay, okay?
15:08Just chill.
15:12Listen, you're really gonna have to tell me what you want quick.
15:14Yeah, okay, I'll tell you everything.
15:16I don't want to know everything.
15:18I just want to know one thing, okay?
15:20One thing.
15:21What you want.
15:22Tell me what you want.
15:23Yeah, what you really want.
15:25Mm.
15:27It's a good song.
15:28I love it.
15:29Oh, please.
15:30You know, maybe something sweet, you know.
15:34It's sweet for the sweetie.
15:36Oh, yeah, good one.
15:39Okay, well, the candy's all here.
15:41Which one would you like?
15:43Mm.
15:45How much?
15:46Well, all that row is a dollar.
15:48Oh, okay, please.
15:49Can we pick up the pace?
15:50Yeah, yeah.
15:50How much is this one?
15:52That's the same row, so it's a dollar.
15:54Everything.
15:55Yes, everything on this row is a dollar.
15:56Okay, I'll take it.
15:58Well, which one?
15:59Yeah, everything.
16:01You want all the candy bars?
16:03Yeah, everything, one dollar.
16:04No, everything isn't one dollar.
16:06Each candy bar is a dollar.
16:08That would make the whole rule like $20.
16:11$20?
16:12Yes.
16:12You tell me a tea or a dollar.
16:15But that's not what I meant.
16:17Well, say what you mean and mean what you say.
16:21Yeah, and look who's talking.
16:24Miss Swan.
16:25Oh.
16:26Okay, Miss Swan.
16:28Okay.
16:28Hey, you know what?
16:29Here, how about some licorice, huh?
16:30It's fat-free and delicious.
16:31Here, looky-looky.
16:33Try one.
16:34Uh, yeah.
16:35I know.
16:35Ooh, that's good.
16:41Okay.
16:42That'll be two dollars.
16:43Two dollars.
16:44Come on, I'll give you one dollar because it opened.
16:48That's because I opened it for you.
16:50Come on, dollar 25.
16:52Final offer.
16:52Okay, fine.
16:53Fine.
16:53I'll take it.
16:54I'll take it.
16:55Yes.
16:55Yes.
16:57No, something to drink, too.
16:59Oh, for the love of Mary!
17:00Do you have any idea what you would like to drink?
17:04Do the small mountain dew.
17:06Huh?
17:07Do the dew.
17:08Yeah, okay.
17:12I like to bite off both ends, you know, and I put in a you like a straw.
17:17You try.
17:18Thanks, I'll try that.
17:19You promise me?
17:21Yeah.
17:21Promise me, promise me.
17:22Cross my heart.
17:24Come on, do the dew.
17:26Okay.
17:27Altogether, that's 275.
17:30Oh.
17:30Okay.
17:32275?
17:33You said everything.
17:34Here, only one dollar.
17:35It's 275.
17:37Take it or leave it!
17:39Okay.
17:40Yeah, I'll take it.
17:42I'll take it like a man.
17:43You see?
17:53You're using a checkbook for 275?
17:57Okay.
17:57You want a tip, huh?
17:59Yeah.
17:59You're nice lady to help me, Donna.
18:02I'll give you big tip.
18:04Stop it.
18:04Stop it.
18:06Stop it.
18:08Two ninety-three.
18:12No, I'm sorry.
18:14I'm getting in a hurry, okay?
18:15There you go.
18:16There, thank you.
18:16There, thank you.
18:17There for you, Donna.
18:23Okay.
18:23How much for this tool?
18:34Oh!
18:34It's two.
18:37Okay.
18:39Oh!
18:44Tocanos la ventana.
18:45Tocanos la ventana.
18:47Tocanos la ventana.
18:47Venga aquÃ.
18:48Venga aquÃ.
18:48Venga aquÃ.
18:50Con besos para sà y tÃo.
18:53Tres compañeros.
18:54Hey, ya que nosotros son amigos, la casa espera para tú
19:01Todos para ti
19:02Estamos tres, dos
19:03Estamos tres, dos
19:05Tres compañeros
19:07Hola, Janet
19:13¿Qué pasa?
19:15Nada mucho, ¿y tú?
19:17¿Por qué estás en la casa? Es muy temprano, ¿no?
19:20¿No recuerdas, Janet?
19:22Janet, vamos a la Rigel Bigel a la noche
19:24Jack, Chrissy y yo vamos a acostar
19:30Oh, yo pienso es una idea muy buena
19:34Ay, ay, ay, Dios mÃo, ¿qué hacemos?
19:39Ay, Chrissy, yo puedo explicar
19:42SÃ, sÃ, sÃ, sÃ
19:43Cuando un hombre y una mujer están amortando
19:47Tengo bastante
19:52Estoy cansado
19:54Yo voy a dormir
19:54Yo también
19:57Buenas noches, Janet
20:02Jack
20:03Jack
20:05¿Qué?
20:07Ay, es señor Furley
20:09Ay, ay, ay, nosotros olvidemos pagar la renta
20:12No, no, no, no, no, no está señor Furley
20:14Es probablemente mi amigo Larry
20:16Que viene con nosotros a la Rigel Bigel
20:19¡Señor Furley!
20:23Ay, ay, ay! Ay, ay, ay, ay! Ay, ay, ay, ay!
20:29No quiero teneran проп basis, ven aquÃ.
20:31¡No!
20:33¡Lo siento!
20:34Yo tengo una idea. Yo digo al señor Furley que Jack es un homosexual.
20:39Bueno.
20:39Pero Jack no es un homosexual.
20:42¡Oh, sÃ!
20:46¡Cállate, cállate!
20:48Oh, buenas noches, señor Furley.
20:51Invitamos adentro, pero Jack es un homosexual.
20:56¿Homosexual?
20:58Un homosexual.
21:01Mira, mira que yo digo.
21:03No me importa. Quiero es el dinero para la renta.
21:08Pero... pero... pero...
21:12Pero no tenemos el dinero para la renta porque Jack es un homosexual.
21:17SÃ, sÃ, sÃ. Soy un homosexual muy grande.
21:21SÃ.
21:24Pero yo pienso que no tenemos el dinero porque Jack pagó el dinero para Cooking School.
21:30¡Crisi!
21:34Pócanos la ventana.
21:36Pócanos la ventana.
21:38Venga aquÃ.
21:40Venga aquÃ.
21:41Con besos para sà y ti y otros compañeros.
21:51Venga.
21:52Venga.
21:53Venga.
21:54Venga.
21:55Venga.
21:56Venga.
21:57Venga.
21:58Venga.
21:59Venga.
22:00Venga.
22:01Venga.
22:02Venga.
22:03Venga.
22:04Venga.
22:05Venga.
22:06Venga.
22:07Venga.
22:08Venga.
22:09Venga.
22:10Venga.
22:11Venga.
22:12Venga.
22:13Venga.
22:14Venga.
22:15Venga.
22:16Venga.
22:17Venga.
22:18Venga.
22:19Venga.
22:20Venga.
22:21Venga.
22:22Venga.
22:23Venga.
22:24Venga.
22:25Venga.
22:26Venga.
22:27Venga.
22:28Venga.
22:29Venga.
22:30Venga.
22:31Venga.
22:32Venga.
22:33Venga.
22:34Venga.
22:35Venga.
22:36Venga.
22:37Venga.
22:38Venga.
22:39Venga.
22:40Venga.
22:41Venga.
22:42Venga.
22:43Bobby? Is that you? Bobby?
22:55Uh-uh, that ain't Bobby.
22:56Man, she better not open that door!
23:00Wait a minute, look at that. Isn't that the girl from Scream?
23:03No, no, that ain't the same shit.
23:07Don't do it! Don't do it!
23:08Don't do it, son.
23:09Don't do it!
23:10Don't do it.
23:10Girl, he ain't there!
23:13No, hey, you lady, I like your shoes!
23:20I told her not to do it! I said, I told her!
23:23Yeah, she told you!
23:24Yo, yo, she better run faster than that!
23:28Come on, how can she run in those shoes?
23:34See, now I messed up. Where did she get the knife from?
23:36I don't know, but she better put down that knife and get a gun.
23:39No, no, no, no gun. Come on, listen to me.
23:43I'll tell you, little one, violence is never the answer.
23:48Now I'll tell you something.
23:50Okay, okay, one time, I finish up, you know, I all finish a gorgeous pretty booty in the salon, and I go out my back and they wait for me all the bad guys, you know.
24:01And I'm supposed to show them a whole world of pain, you know.
24:05Hello? Come on, I'm talking to you, hello?
24:09Are you for real?
24:12I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the movie.
24:15Come on, hello?
24:18Look, okay, it's just a movie, she's not gonna talk back.
24:22Yeah, she know what's best for her.
24:25Talk back.
24:26Look, she's not real, okay?
24:28She's not, she's a...
24:30Then how come you talking to her?
24:33Because I'm talking at them, okay?
24:35I'm not talking to them, I'm talking at them.
24:37Okay, okay.
24:40You've not told me that before.
24:42Well, I'm telling you now!
24:42You don't know that to be so mean to me.
24:51You don't want to make me sit next to you.
24:54And then you, you say you can talk, and me swan cannot talk, and then you eat my popcorn, and then you, you're a mean, mean lady.
25:02If you're a nice lady, I do this.
25:06But not now, you're a mean, mean, dirty, dirty lady.
25:09Okay, first of all, let me tell you something, okay?
25:12I didn't ask you to sit next to me.
25:14Secondly, I didn't touch your popcorn, although I should after that crack you pulled on live.
25:18And third, who are you calling mean and dirty, huh?
25:20Oh, no, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking at you.
25:40Hello?
25:42Hello?
25:44Hello?
25:44Hello?
25:45Hello?
25:47Hello?
25:47Hi.
25:48Where'd the rest of the audience go?
25:50Oh, I don't know, maybe to get something to eat, you know, the lady Donna, she's slow, take a long time.
26:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you.
26:03Listen, could you do me a really big favor and tell me where the killer's hiding?
26:08Oh, yeah, okay, I'll tell you 18, okay?
26:12But first you have to tell me where you get those shoes.
26:15This year, she's the monumental release of the new Star Wars film, The Phantom Menace.
26:27And to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime event, George Lucas is proud to present Star Wars, the final deluxe director's cut version edition.
26:36Over 30 minutes of never-before-seen footage has been added to the original Star Wars, allowing you, the fans, to see a Star Wars like you've never seen before.
26:47You'll see new scenes like this one called Han Solo Fleeing Jabba the Hutt's Deadly Forces.
26:58You'll also get Han Solo racing to get to the Millennium Falcon.
27:06Han Solo running because he heard a noise.
27:09Chewie! I heard a noise! A big noise!
27:14And the long-lost, digitally remastered Han Solo running down the hallway scene.
27:20I'm coming, Chewie! Run!
27:23All this and another 28 minutes just like it have been lovingly restored in random order to give you, the fans, the definitive Star Wars experience.
27:34Star Wars, the final deluxe director's cut version edition.
27:39In stores now.
27:40And remember, without proof of purchase of Star Wars, the final deluxe director's cut version edition,
27:47you will not be allowed into The Phantom Menace, opening in theaters everywhere this May.
27:57Funding for this program is made possible by St. Paul Public Television.
28:00And then the bravest knight of them all raised Excalibur high above his head.
28:06And for one brief, shining moment, the dream of Camelot was real.
28:12Celebrating 30 years in public broadcasting, it's...
28:17Storytime with Mr. Sasso.
28:20Oh, hey! Hi there!
28:25Welcome to...
28:27It's Storytime!
28:29Welcome!
28:30So, you know, before I go over there and tell the...
28:34You know, the kiddie story, I like to tell my own story first.
28:38You know, something that I, you know...
28:40So, my wife, we...
28:45It's our Valentine's show.
28:46My, my wife, she...
28:50It's Valentine's Day on Storytime!
28:56My wife, you know, she's always putting on her clothes or...
29:00She's, you know, just running around somewhere.
29:04I got a, I got a pair of my best shoes and...
29:07Crap on a cracker.
29:08I got to get her a box of chocolates or something.
29:10She'll kill me.
29:12She'll kill me!
29:13All right, here we go!
29:20Today's time for the story!
29:23The wonderful imagination of Storytime!
29:26Huh?
29:27The first Valentine's Day there!
29:29The Valentine's Story!
29:31So, we're...
29:32Ah!
29:32Stop!
29:34Oh!
29:34All right, there we go.
29:35Today's story is the wonderful tale of Beauty and the Beast, which is a lovely tale of the...
29:48Jenny, why don't you run upstairs and get me a beer?
29:50And, Nicky, you go with her and keep an eye on her!
29:53All right, so this is the, the, once upon a time, the Beauty and the Beast.
30:02And, there's the Beast, you know, and he's, he says, you know, I'm, I'm not so bad.
30:07And, then the Beauty says, stop!
30:10Stop!
30:11The, the candle is singing!
30:22You're good, kids.
30:28All right, so, it's Beauty and the Beast.
30:34Go on down here, huddle around so I can, I'll keep an eye on them.
30:39We're doing the Beauty and the Beast.
30:40So, it, it's the Beauty and the Beast, the tragic tale of whatever, you know, and then
30:47there's the, the fat guy, you know, he's hucking the spears at the wolves, or, I don't know.
30:52Then there's the, you know, the Beast is all mad, and he's singing, rrrrrr.
30:59Then there's the, you know, all them little guys, the dwarves, and they're breaking stuff,
31:04and, and they, they're like, hey, dude, hey, guys, stop!
31:09Come back!
31:10Put down that flower!
31:17The end!
31:18This has been Storytime with Mr. Sassi.
31:31I'd like to show you today how to make a Valentine's Day Supper for one.
31:44Doesn't that sound romantic?
31:45Rock the.
31:46Rock the.
31:46Rock the.
31:54One, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred.
31:57Chill it, chill it, chill it.
31:58Come on.
31:58Hey, I'm Will Sassi, this is my co-star and, and trainer, Deborah Wilson.
32:05Last week on the show, on MADtv, we had a little bit of a situation with Bret Hart.
32:09Take a look, if you didn't see her, you want to see it again, just see what happened.
32:12Check this out, let's run the clip.
32:13Look.
32:14What?
32:15Oh, oh, oh, man!
32:18Oh, stop!
32:19Oh, you see that?
32:22You're a real big man, Hart.
32:23Hit me from behind.
32:24Oh, you gotta hit me with the chair.
32:26Oh, I'm so afraid of you hitting me from behind with the chair.
32:29Now I gotta use a beaded seat cushion in my car.
32:31I'm real scared.
32:32You're a big man, Hart.
32:33You're a big man hitting me from behind with that chair.
32:36But tell you what, I'm still in one big piece, my friend.
32:38And now I got a match signed with you, and you're not gonna get out of it.
32:41And furthermore, I'm coming to your house to kick your head in,
32:44and you're not gonna have a bunch of chairs around ringside this time.
32:46What are you gonna use?
32:47What?
32:48There are always chairs at ringside.
32:51Chairs?
32:51Oh, yeah.
32:52Oh.
32:52Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:53Oh.
32:54Oh.
32:54Oh.
32:56Do you want to do some more reps?
32:59Next week, Will Sasso goes head-to-head with Brett the Hitman Hart in a grudge match on WCW.
33:06You are watching The Food Channel.
33:09And now, singles, it's time for Cooking for One with Andrea Hart.
33:14Hello, singles.
33:15Welcome to Cooking for One.
33:17The show aimed at making cooking alone a meal you'll eat alone a little less unnerving.
33:22Today's visiting studio audience is the Middleburg Singles Tap Dancing Club.
33:29Welcome.
33:30Welcome.
33:33Any dance where you don't need a partner is okay by me.
33:38Okay, thank you.
33:39Okay, as we all know, Valentine's Day is right around the corner.
33:44And that can be a rough holiday for singles.
33:47Well, along with pretty much every other holiday.
33:50So, I'd like to show you today how to make a Valentine's Day supper for one.
33:55Doesn't that sound romantic?
33:57Because if I don't love me, who will?
34:00Who?
34:01Seriously, who?
34:03Because I haven't found him yet.
34:05Do you hear him?
34:06Do you run?
34:06No, he's not.
34:08All right, well, let's get started.
34:10Every Valentine's Day morning, I like to buy myself a single red rose.
34:16And I don't think that's sad.
34:22Okay, well, let's talk food.
34:24I've got a wonderful recipe for Thai satay.
34:27That's hot chicken on bamboo skewers covered in a spicy peanut sauce.
34:32But that requires shopping for a lot of ingredients.
34:35And if you're like me, you'd rather pull out your own toenails than go shopping at a grocery store where you're going to see all the happy couples giggling and holding hands, talking in French.
34:51So, you'll just want to use whatever's in your pantry.
34:54So, let's see what I've got here today.
34:56I've got, oh, peanut butter.
34:58Hey, that's a good start.
34:59And, oh, good news, sugar corn pops.
35:01So, um, we'll just, um, we'll just throw a little bit in there and get out a little water and, uh, yeah, I'll be, voila, Thai satay.
35:18Hmm.
35:20Who needs a lover when you've got all this?
35:24Steve?
35:25Steve?
35:26Hold one second.
35:28Steve?
35:29Steve, is it?
35:30Oh.
35:31No.
35:33Yeah.
35:34Um, I'll make the payment by Monday.
35:35I'm sorry.
35:39It wasn't him.
35:42Okay, what was I going to do next?
35:45So hard to concentrate over the sound of my biological clock ticking.
35:50I don't know how many more times I can hit the snooze bar on that sucker, you know what I mean?
35:54Oh, yeah.
35:56That was up to dessert.
35:57Yeah, we're going to make brownies, you know?
35:59Because who cares if you get fat?
36:01No one's seen me in my underwear in five years.
36:04All right, shut up!
36:05All right.
36:06Um, brownie.
36:07Brownie.
36:08You know what?
36:08I'm just going to go ahead and eat the mix because it really tastes just as good.
36:13So I don't...
36:13You have to be careful, though.
36:19You have to time your breathing.
36:26Otherwise, you choke on the brownie dust and you die tonight and no one would find you for a week.
36:32Not that they'd love.
36:36Why can't I find someone?
36:43My sister is a 400-pound hunchback.
36:47She found a husband.
36:49I saw two midgets at the mall.
36:52A midget found another midget.
36:54Why can't someone find me?
36:59I'm very sorry.
37:01I'm sorry.
37:02So that...
37:03I think that's going to wrap it up for today's show.
37:07I'd like to thank you all for joining me.
37:09And, uh, I'd like to end my Valentine's Day with a ritual every year.
37:16And, uh...
37:18Hi, 911.
37:22Yeah, life isn't worth living.
37:24I'm really going to do it this time.
37:28This way you're insured to have a date for Valentine's Day.
37:32Let's just hope the paramedic's cute.
37:35Happy Hearts Day!
37:39Join Andrew Hart tomorrow on Cooking for One,
37:47when she'll be with me her famous gazpacho soup for singles.
38:00I didn't hear a thing.
38:01I was busy sleeping all night.
38:03God, you're cute.
38:07Michael, what did you do on your date?
38:09First, we did our eyes.
38:11And then we did our cheekbones.
38:12And then you did your breasts.
38:15Michael, that was you!
38:16First, there was Bonnie and Clyde.
38:28Then there was Thelma and Louise.
38:30And now it's...
38:32Antonia Timmons and James Brown Jr. in...
38:35Antonia and James.
38:38Crazy in love and in love with death.
38:40Dancing to the music of blazing bullets and turning the whole wide world into their own private hell.
38:45What?
38:57What?
38:59Money!
39:00Twenty-thirty investment in the bank!
39:03I'm sorry.
39:07I don't understand.
39:08my back
39:17come on in
39:30put some cap in your ass
39:31can I help you
39:38yes
39:39would you like me to read that note
39:44okay
39:45this is a stick
39:52look are you sure you don't mean
39:55this is a stick up
39:56it is possible
39:58and Tony and James
40:02found each other one day
40:04they carved a path
40:06through the USA
40:07they robbed and killed
40:10everything in their way
40:12the ones who live
40:14did hear them say
40:16heard them say
40:17they're bad they're beautiful and they're coming your way this summer
40:35Antonia Timmons and James Brown Jr. are
40:38Antonia and James
40:39don't go away to my money
40:41I need to buy those wings
40:43come on
40:43thank you everyone here in the audience for enjoying our show and thank you audience at home for watching every week and yes to answer all the fan mail Alex's breasts are real
40:55thank you everyone here in the audience for enjoying our show and thank you audience at home for watching every week and yes to answer all the fan mail Alex's breasts are real
41:08cheers and cheers and cheers and applause
41:13cheers and cheers
41:46I'm riding high now, super star now, riding high, riding high.
42:04Chewie, start the Falcon, Chewie!
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