- 3 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 10
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the host of Forget or Forget, Mother Love.
00:21Thank you babies, thank you babies.
00:23Mother Love is chafing today.
00:31As a matter of fact, I need to put some Vaseline down there.
00:39I smell like hot bologna and fried bacon on a cool summer day.
00:44Now, you know, on my hit show Forgive or Forget, you know, we have people come down all the time and ask for forgiveness for all the people they have wronged in their lives.
00:51Uh-huh, with their sorry asses.
00:54Well, Mad TV has asked Mother Love to come and spread some of that message.
00:59As it says in the Good Bible,
01:02If we can forgive everyone, He shall forgive us.
01:07Amen!
01:09Well, Mother Love lives and dies by that.
01:13Woo!
01:21Woo!
01:22Woo!
01:23Woo!
01:24Woo!
01:25Woo!
01:26Woo!
01:27Woo!
01:28Woo!
01:29Woo!
01:30Woo!
01:32Woo!
01:33Woo!
01:34Woo!
01:35Woo!
01:36Woo!
01:37Woo!
01:38Woo!
01:40It's...
01:41It's the KL O'Neil!
01:42Woo!
01:43Woo!
01:44Woo!
01:46Woo!
01:47What can Mother Love do for you, baby?
01:49I need to talk to your big ass.
01:54What happened, baby?
01:55You wrote this?
01:56I wrote what?
01:58Dear Shaq, you tall son of a biatch.
02:03I used to be a Laker fan until you missed those free throws in the playoffs.
02:09I guess the O in O'Neal stands for O for 10 from the free throw line.
02:13Go to hell.
02:14I wouldn't write no letter like that, something that nasty, but even if I did, uh, can big sweet chocolate Shaq forgive mother love?
02:28I'll forgive you.
02:36Shaquille O'Neal has forgiven mother love!
02:44Shaquille O'Neal wants to know, is it true what they say about men with big feet?
02:59Yes.
03:00Oh my God, he done got me flowing like a faucet once I'm starting.
03:03Y'all do the show without me!
03:06Y'all do it without me!
03:09We'll be right back with more Mad TV.
03:11Hey, you know!
03:13Now I know!
03:15Now I know what the O in O'Neal stand for!
03:18They stand for, ooh!
03:19Give me some of that!
03:21Woo!
03:21Woo!
03:21Man, you're so crazy
03:51You are now watching the TV
04:12By signing this accord, Mr. Arafat, you and I are ending years of conflict
04:19It is a special honor for which I would like to thank you
04:22You deserve as much credit as I do
04:24Let us inform the press of our decision to sign this accord
04:28Hello, fellow humans
04:31What is this?
04:33We're sent here by the president
04:34President Clinton sent you?
04:37Yeah, remember him?
04:38You guys are supposed to be making him look good
04:40Who are you people?
04:45We're the racists
04:47You see, the racism has been erased
04:49That's right
04:50We tour schools in the United States to teach kids that it's not cool to hate someone
04:54Just because they're different
04:55Or gay
04:56Not that I am, I'm just saying
05:00You need to make sure you two guys play nice nights
05:03So just sit back, relax, and get ready to have the scales of prejudice fall from your eyes
05:10Young lady, this is an official meeting
05:12You can't just barge in here and...
05:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, I wouldn't tangle with Debbie
05:16I did once and that's how I ended up in this wheelchair
05:18Andy, we're not supposed to tell anybody
05:21Kidding
05:23Okay, you racists
05:26Let's do it!
05:27Yeah, let's do it!
05:29Yay!
05:32Hey, Mr. Arafat, have I got news for you
05:36Mr. Netanyahu here is not an evil Jew
05:43What, what, I've never, I've never said that the U of a...
05:45Hey, then let, yes, the ear have a silly lid
05:49Who cares if it's holy, cause it's only dirt and sand
05:55I assure you, it is very holy to my people
05:58Are you referring that it is not holy to mine?
06:00Why don't you just stop the fighting
06:03The suicide bombings and the fetching and whining
06:06You'll all feel okay
06:09If you're more like a good old
06:11U.S. of A
06:13If you could stop the terrorism, that would sure be swell
06:19The Israelis have committed worse atrocities
06:22Tell your violent Zionists that they can go to H-E-Daba-Akistan
06:28Did the yellow send you here?
06:30Mercy and acceptance, you guys need a lanza
06:36Let's all sit down for a meal of falafel and matzah
06:40And don't worry, Ben, I'll pick up the tab
06:42Ha ha ha!
06:44We got football and Mike Piazza
06:47You guys are fighting for a strip called Gaza
06:50You guys buy Israel Bushes and Vandals
06:53We've got minor presidential scandals
06:56You'll all feel okay
06:58If you're more like a good old
07:01U.S. of A
07:03This agreement is no longer valid
07:13They will not sign this accord
07:14Well, I am certainly not signing anything with your name on it
07:18And you can expect to feel the repercussions of your actions
07:21My actions, you will feel the wrath of the people
07:25Hey guys, what the heck are you doing?
07:27Yeah, our music's supposed to make you feel good about yourself
07:30So we can all just get along
07:32Yeah, and I'd love to see you two take a big hug
07:34Never! Impossible!
07:36Well then it looks like we're just gonna have to keep singing!
07:40No, no, no, no, no
07:42No more singing
07:43Look, go and shine it
07:44It's a few, we don't wanna smile
07:47Just make sure we got much of your oil
07:50You are a little clearly
07:53Making more like a good old
07:55U.S. of A
07:59And now the company of Lethal Weapons, Riggs & Murtaugh
08:18So, Rog, I hear you've been playing on a baseball team
08:21That's right
08:22You know, they got nicknames for those guys
08:23Crazy names
08:25Oh yeah? Well, who's on first?
08:27That's right
08:28The guy in first base
08:29Who?
08:30The guy playing first
08:31Who?
08:32Well, that's what I'm asking you, man
08:33I'm asking you who's on first
08:34And you're not telling me anything
08:35I'm just trying to get some answers
08:36I just wanna know who's playing on your baseball team
08:37You're not telling me?
08:38Take it either, Riggs
08:39I'm trying to tell you who the guy on first is
08:40Well, you're not giving me any answers, man
08:42I'm asking you who's on first
08:43And you're telling me who's on first
08:44I wanna know what's the name of the guy on first base
08:45No, no, no, Riggs, I'm telling you
08:47But you're just not listening
08:48What's the guy on second?
08:49I don't know
08:50He's on third
08:51Archer, I wake up every morning
08:52Just trying to think of a reason not to do this
08:54Now, you tell me those players' names
08:56Alright, no, no, no, no, Riggs
08:57Just take it easy, Riggs
08:58Put the gun down, everything's gonna be fine
08:59It's just nicknames
09:00You're gonna tell me the names?
09:02You're gonna tell me who's on first?
09:03Exactly
09:04Who?
09:05Alright, just listen to what I'm trying to say, Riggs
09:07Who's the guy on first base?
09:09Well, I can't take this anymore, Rog, I swear to God
09:12I'm gonna blow my brains out
09:13Right here and now if you don't tell me
09:14Alright, alright, alright, Riggs, put the gun down
09:16Alright, what's his name?
09:17What's on second?
09:18Who?
09:19Who's on first?
09:20Oh no, Riggs
09:21Riggs and Murtaugh
09:22Appearing this week at the Ha Ha Hut in Ha Ha Hollywood
09:25With special guests, Yahoo Sirius and Judy Tenuta
09:32Today's guests have come here not knowing if the person they're hoping to see
09:36Will say I forgive you or forget it
09:39Welcome to Forgive or Forget
09:41With your host, Mother Love
09:51I know y'all can do better than that with your lazy asses
09:54Clap! Give it up for Mother Love!
09:56Woo!
09:57Oh my God, I'm percolating today
10:13You know, a sister with sweat glands like mine should never wear silk
10:18Never wear silk, honey
10:22Now that's Mother Love's advice for the day
10:25Now that we got that out the way
10:27Let's meet our very, very special guest
10:30Singer Bobby Brown
10:35When I married Whitney Houston
10:37For the first 24 hours
10:38It was like something out of fairytale
10:40And then I started messing up
10:42You know, little things
10:50You know, just things
10:52You know, them little tiny things that happen all the time
10:54But I'm ready to apologize to Whitney
10:57And ask her to take me back
11:00Boy!
11:01What the hell would you think?
11:03I know, I know
11:04I shouldn't have done it like that
11:06To hell with Whitney
11:07I'm talking about your last CD
11:09I bought it in the 99 cent bin
11:11And I still want my money back
11:14When did I make a CD?
11:16Bobby, listen to Mother Love
11:17You're tired and you're washed up
11:19And I'm sick of Whitney supporting your broke ass and your hoes
11:22What you need to do
11:24Is go to DeVry Technical Institute
11:25And get yourself a change of skin and practice
11:27And
11:29But that's just Mother Love's opinion
11:31You know, we don't judge here on forgive or forget
11:34Mm-mm-mm
11:35Well, I've changed, you know
11:38You know, I'm a new man
11:40And I'm gonna cut anybody who say I'm not
11:42Whatever Bobby
11:43Now anyway, we have helped Bobby to prepare
11:46A special videotape message for his wife, Whitney
11:49So now let's sit back and watch that tape
11:52And watch Whitney watching it for the first time
11:59Whitney, my love
12:01I am very, very sorry
12:04That I lost my temper
12:06So many, many times
12:08With you
12:10But baby, I have changed
12:13It will be different this time
12:16I promise
12:17It will be
12:19Like those first 24 hours again
12:22Will you forgive me?
12:24Whitney?
12:30That was the most romantic apology Mother Love has ever heard
12:34Even without a Mother Love need to get laid
12:37Let's see if Whitney
12:40Is ready to forgive you, Bobby
12:43And if so
12:44She will be behind
12:45That doll
12:49Hey, but if she ain't there
12:50Then that means I wasted $12 of her money on these damn flowers
12:53What? What? Why didn't I gonna bitch and get your ass to the doll?
12:59Now, Whitney
13:00Girl, are you ready to forgive Bobby?
13:03If so, honey
13:04Come out that doll
13:05And I
13:06Will always forgive you
13:09What the hell is wrong with you, woman?
13:10Don't you see me on the phone?
13:11Well, Bobby
13:12Don't stalk with me, Bobby, okay?
13:13Cause I've been taking kickboxing
13:14And I will kickbox your black ass into next week
13:16Oh, well, come on
13:17Bring it on
13:18Wait a minute, now
13:19Wait a minute
13:20This is not Jerry Springer
13:22Now, wait a minute
13:23Now, wait a minute
13:24This is not Jerry Springer
13:25I want you two to take your dumb little behinds over to that couch
13:27And start forgiving
13:28Isn't it bastards?
13:29I can't believe he said it's Mother Love house
13:30You gonna act up like that
13:31And mess up all my good furniture there
13:32That's Japanese
13:33That's a Uwasaki
13:34Now
13:35What's it gonna take for you two to start doing some forgiving?
13:37First of all, he's gonna have to give up his drinking
13:38All right
13:39His holes
13:40I hear that girl
13:41Hitting me
13:42Hitting me upside my
13:43Look at my face
13:44Girl
13:45And I'm telling you
13:46If you ever squeeze the toothpaste in the middle again
13:48I swear you, Bobby
13:49That was not me
13:50That was Robin
13:51You know
13:52That was not me
13:53That was Robin
13:54You know
13:55That was Robin
13:56You know
13:57That was Robin
13:58You know
13:59That was Robin
14:00That was Robin
14:01That was Robin
14:02That was Robin
14:03You know
14:04That was Robin
14:05That was Robin
14:06That was Robin
14:07You leave my woman out of this
14:09Now y'all wait a minute
14:10You're two cokeheads
14:12Now I'm sick of this
14:13Now Mother Love is gonna give y'all some good advice
14:15Whitney
14:16You need to stop being a butch
14:17And go back to being a bitch
14:18Muck
14:19All right
14:20Now Bobby, you need to get back with Babyface
14:21Puffetface
14:22Or Somebodyface
14:23And make a hit album
14:24So you can stop hitting your damn wife
14:25Yeah you wanna talk
14:26You look like somebody been hitting you upside the head
14:28With the ugly stick with your sweaty ass
14:30Oh really?
14:33Well then ignore everything Mother Love just said
14:35Cause this pump made his ass kick
14:37You wanna piece of this?
14:38You wanna piece of this?
14:39You wanna piece of this?
14:40If you'd like to be a guest on our show
14:43Email us at motherloveatbigdraws.com
14:45Woah's Something
14:47Beef
14:49Coming soon
14:52Yeah
14:54Coming soon.
15:14Yes.
15:17Brad Pitt in his most challenging role.
15:21Yes, Mr. Parrish.
15:22I am death.
15:25I've come to take you with me.
15:28Wait.
15:29Do you have any idea what you're taking from me?
15:32Do you have any idea how glorious life on Earth can be?
15:36No.
15:38I can help you.
15:41I'm the snake.
15:44If you spare me, allow me to live,
15:48I will arrange it so that you can experience all the pleasures of this Earth
15:51with a vibrant, spirit of woman.
15:55Very well.
15:57It's great.
16:03Deal.
16:04Deal.
16:05Mama!
16:06Come on out here!
16:08What is a baby?
16:10Meet Joe Black Mama.
16:12Starling Della Reese as Mama.
16:16Wait a minute, there should be some steak here.
16:19Nope.
16:20Afraid not.
16:21Deal's a deal.
16:22We shook on it.
16:23Mama, I want you to show this boy a good tie.
16:26Oh!
16:27Oh!
16:28Oh!
16:28You betcha, honey!
16:29Come on over here, you cute little grim reaper!
16:33But I thought you were talking about one of your daughters.
16:37Possibly one of the cute, cute ones.
16:39You wanted to learn about life on our world.
16:43Well, the first rule of business is, always inspect the merchandise.
16:46And I got a lot of merchandise to inspect.
16:49Ooh!
16:50Just cut all this foolishness out and get to the learning.
16:53Shoot!
16:53I ain't had a man since 83.
16:56I'm gonna tear you up.
16:59Come on.
17:01Let me touch it!
17:02The critics all agree, Meet Joe Black Mama is a new film.
17:06Almost three hours long, says Gene Sisko.
17:10Mm-mm-mm.
17:11Ain't you just the sweetest little angel of death?
17:15Why don't you come on over here and give Mama a sponge bath?
17:18And don't forget to get in all the nooks and crannies,
17:21cause I sweats a lot.
17:23Mm-mm-mm.
17:24It's the Citizen Kane of Della Reese movies.
17:28Dad, someone please kill me!
17:32What you talking about, Whiteth?
17:34You know what?
17:35Have some ice cream to build your strength.
17:38Those days, parts of Mama, you ain't even seen yet.
17:41You get ready to be touched by an angel.
17:44Well, Mama.
17:46Beth, I'm off to the links.
17:48Take care, you two.
17:49No, no, no.
17:50Please, please.
17:51You've got to help me.
17:51She won't let me leave this room.
17:54Now, now, you don't need to leave.
17:59I'm gonna take you around the world.
18:01Wait.
18:02Where's my G-string?
18:05Oh-ho-ho-ho!
18:07I'm wearing it.
18:08Ah!
18:09Ah-ha-ha!
18:12Meet Joe Black Mama.
18:13Even death has held a peg.
18:16Mama's gonna kill you, and she's gonna kill you good.
18:21Someone get me six chickens.
18:24The big break is on for tonight.
18:36Pass it on.
18:42The big freak is licking pipe tonight.
18:45Pass that off.
18:46The prettiest wood is teak.
18:51Pass it on.
18:55Some of the guys are getting together later tonight to read Last of the Mohicans.
18:59Pass it on.
19:00Hey!
19:01I'm talking over there.
19:03Listen carefully.
19:07The big break is on for tonight.
19:12Pass it on.
19:13Pass it on.
19:16Nick the Snake is a pipe, bitch.
19:19Pass that on.
19:23Big Steve's gonna do him like Monica did Bill.
19:26Pass it on.
19:27Some of the guys are getting together later tonight to read Last of the Mohicans.
19:34Hey, hey!
19:36The big break is on for tonight.
19:48The big break is on for tonight.
19:49Okay.
19:50Pass it on.
19:51Oh.
19:52Repeat that to me.
19:53The big break is on for tonight.
19:56Okay.
19:57Pass it on.
19:58The big stink moves like a moth towards the night.
20:05What did he just tell you?
20:08The pank bone's connected to the thigh bone.
20:11What the hell is a pank bone?
20:12I don't know.
20:13He said it.
20:14What the hell's wrong with you guys?
20:15Hey, hey, hey!
20:16Get back in your seat.
20:17Get back in your seat.
20:47I...
21:02What?
21:04Hey!
21:05Hey, hey, hey!
21:07You started this.
21:10He jumped me!
21:11Ah, well, you should have heard what he just said.
21:13I was merely repeating what he said.
21:16what do you have to say for yourself well it's not my fault i didn't tell him to beat that guy up
21:23what did you say then well i i didn't uh maybe some time in the hole help refresh your memory
21:30no take me to the box it's just a box stop being a baby about it
21:35what's wrong with that guy anyway uh he's probably disappointed some of the guys are
21:45getting together to read last of the mohegans tonight and he's going to miss it can anybody come
21:49i don't see why not
21:51when i first walk in the door how will you greet me
22:15okay welcome back to the dating game i'm still chuck woolery
22:24let's bring out our first eligible bachelor he is a former semi-pro ball player and camaro owner who
22:32is currently in between job opportunities please welcome rick
22:38no rick i understand you like the ladies and the ladies like rick seem a little cocky
22:54little cocky is my middle name
22:58you want to think about that one for a second
23:02no chuck i don't
23:10okay bachelorettes it's time to say hello to rick
23:14bachelorette number one hi rick
23:18bachelorette number two
23:20hey there rick
23:22and bachelorette number three
23:27yeah okay
23:30you want to say hello
23:36hello
23:37yeah okay you want
23:40it's your chance to say hello to rick
23:42yeah okay all the time yeah
23:45okay uh rick why don't you ask the first question
23:48why don't i
23:53bachelorette number one
23:54uh-huh
23:55you're on my fifteen foot yacht
23:58okay
23:59in a moonlit bay
24:01with your man rick
24:02what do you want to do first
24:04buzz
24:05what was that
24:06i make a buzz to answer
24:09it's not that kind of game
24:17just wait your turn
24:19rick you want to go ahead
24:20all right
24:21number one
24:22okay
24:23i'm still on that yacht
24:24and i am wet and lonely
24:27well ricky uh
24:28it just so happens that when i'm out at sea
24:31i get very seasick
24:33so i might have to stick my head between my knees
24:36or yours
24:38oh
24:41that's a good answer
24:43put the head between the knees
24:46funny
24:48oh yeah
24:49okay
24:50rick likes
24:51rick likes mucho
24:52all right
24:54bachelorette number two
24:57same question
24:58moonlight
24:59a yacht
25:00and a tall smooth glass of rick
25:03okay you go
25:04okay
25:05go
25:06go
25:07i know
25:08you go now
25:09i'm gonna go now
25:10yeah but we already go
25:11i know
25:12shut up okay
25:13ladies what's going on over there
25:14number three he keeps interrupting me
25:16no chuck i tell her the rules
25:17i don't
25:18she knows the rules
25:20rick just keep it moving along please
25:22i don't know chuck
25:23nothing like a good cat fight
25:24just ask the question
25:26okay
25:28bachelorette number three
25:30new question
25:32okay
25:33what is the capital
25:34no no no no no no
25:36no rick asks the questions
25:39okay
25:40okay
25:41you've not said it before
25:42okay
25:43now i kind of like this one
25:46she's quick on the draw
25:47and so am i
25:49you want to think about that one for a second
25:53all right
25:56number three
26:00i have been away at sea for six long months
26:04when i first walk in the door
26:06how will you greet me
26:08okay
26:09okay
26:15toot toot toot toot toot
26:24bachelorette number two what is she doing
26:26i don't know i have no idea
26:28toot toot toot
26:29hey
26:30that's my answer you steal it
26:32i'm not gonna steal your stupid answer
26:34you're stupid
26:35wait wait when do i get to answer
26:37i get to answer
26:39okay
26:40pat i'd like to solve the puzzle
26:44there is no puzzle
26:47okay and that's all our time thank god rick just pick one and let's get out of here
26:54well let's see
26:57rick knows a sexy lady when he hears one and my gut tells me that sexy lady is number three
27:04oh
27:10i win
27:11i win
27:12i win
27:13i win
27:14miss one
27:15come on down
27:16okay well first let's meet the ones that you didn't pick
27:19bachelorette number one is an aerobics instructor who is double jointed
27:23say hello to michelle robinson
27:26bachelorette number two is a stewardess who has no gag reflex
27:41please welcome jackie johnson
27:43better luck next time
27:45don't
27:46touch me
27:50and now your very special date she's bachelorette number three she has no concept of how to play the game and she won't shut up your date miss swan
27:58your date miss swan
28:05uh-huh
28:09he looking like a man you know
28:12like a mooch
28:14yeah i bet you want to think about this one don't you
28:16oh yeah
28:17well it's too late that's our game
28:19good night and god help us
28:22go to get
28:23go to get
28:24go to get
28:25and now the comedy of
28:42kenny rogers and pappy
28:45hey pappy
28:46hi kenny
28:47isn't it great to be here
28:48if you say so
28:49why don't you say hello to all the nice people
28:51they don't look so nice to me
28:53now pappy
28:54don't you start your funny stuff
28:55somebody's gotta do something funny around here
28:58pappy
28:59you're incorrigible
29:00incorrigible?
29:01i thought i was in california
29:02haha
29:03i'm thirsty
29:04hey
29:05why don't you sing one of my hit songs while i drink this glass of strawberry quick
29:09alright
29:10kenny rogers and pappy
29:28kenny rogers and pappy
29:30appearing this week at the ha ha hut in ha ha hollywood
29:33with special guests elaine boozler and kevin meany
29:36raise up your sneakers
29:43let's get it on
29:45let's get it on
29:49hey y'all my name is denise rodman and yes my brother is denis rodman
29:56but as y'all can see i am much cuter and a better ball player and i'm not talking basketball
30:02now i'm looking for a mate i'm not desperate enough because as y'all can see i got it going on
30:09see i'm big boned and everything and that's just more of me to love
30:11now
30:12whoever chooses me has to understand i need things i got big ass feet
30:16so i need somebody with a big ass feet
30:19cause shoes this big cost
30:21now i'm not a gold digger cause i make my own money
30:22so if you want to go one on one with me
30:24lace up your sneakers
30:26and let's get it on
30:33organese rodman press pound zero three four
30:38and let's get it on
30:53for the new squadman press pound zero three four
30:58Welcome to Campus Talk. I'm Toby Brogger, coming to you live from Beta Chi House, the University of Southwestern, Florida.
31:19Welcome, welcome. As you know, I like to start off each show with a little footage from Beta Beta Camera, which we use to tape for our raging parties. This one is from last Tuesday night, which you freaking rocked.
31:40Alright, so roll tape. You look just like Star Trek, man. Yeah, it's cool. Dude, do ball. Do the good ball. It's awesome. Woo! Woo! Hi, man. I tripped you hammered.
32:00Alright, okay, so before I go on, I'd like to introduce to you my co-host, the one and only, Bobby the Pledge. Hey, what's up, Bobby?
32:12Not much. I'm a little thirsty, though. Alright. Okay, answer this question, and I'll give you a beer. What is...
32:22Star Wars?
32:27A movie?
32:28Yeah, alright! Woo! You won, Bobby!
32:32Okay, so my first guest today is Zaina Gamma, and she's also a stone-cold hottie.
32:44Say what's up to Nikki Genesee. Alright, Nikki.
32:48What's up?
32:50What's up?
32:52So, you going to the Phi Gam party on Thursday?
32:55Uh, um, first I was like, no.
32:59But now I'm like, okay.
33:02Champion! Champion!
33:05Hi, Nikki Genesee!
33:07Hi!
33:08I don't feel so good.
33:09Alright!
33:12Oh, yeah!
33:12Whoa!
33:13Check it out!
33:14Oh, yeah!
33:14Oh, yeah!
33:14Oh, yeah!
33:14Oh, yeah!
33:15It's Captain of the football team.
33:17Hey!
33:18Say what's up.
33:20Garrett Williams!
33:21Alright!
33:22Yes, Gary!
33:23So, I'm going to kick fun on Saturday, or what?
33:28Hey, Gary.
33:35Go pan through the run!
33:39Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
33:42All right!
33:44Okay, so my first guest today is from the drama club.
33:50Please help me welcome one of the drama dudes.
33:55Steve Biscuit.
33:59It's pronounced Biscuit.
34:01Woo!
34:01So, Steve.
34:07You're from drama club.
34:09What's up with that?
34:13Well, this season we're very excited because we're going to be doing King Lear, Death of a Salesman, and Hare.
34:18Are you going to do any cartoons?
34:20Cartoons?
34:21Yeah, like South Park.
34:23It's great, man.
34:24It's like these cartoons you kids see, and they're like, you know, and they cuss and die, and there's like, you know, talking poop, and they go, you know.
34:35Hidey-ho!
34:35Oh, Bobby, all right!
34:40Oh, come on, you gotta go.
34:43Hey, hey, what's up?
34:45Look who's here.
34:46It's, you know, my Western Civ professor.
34:50All right, please, sit down.
34:54Okay, so, can I have a C in your class?
34:58Mr. Braga, you never even show up for class.
35:01I would be very surprised if you even knew what Western Civ means.
35:05Yeah, I do.
35:07You know, Western Civ, you know, started when the Cajuns, you know, and they landed, and then there was a fire, and then they cornered.
35:19Okay, just stop. Stop.
35:22All right, Dr. G.
35:28But, hey, we've come to the point in my show where, for school pride, I shoot myself in the forehead with a nail gun.
35:35Hey, check it out.
35:45Then another one.
35:46Woo!
35:50Hey, Nikki.
35:51So, you still going to the Phi Gam party on Thursday?
35:55At first, I was like, no.
35:57But now, I'm like, ew, not again.
36:04Champion!
36:05Champion!
36:05All right!
36:06Okay, well, that's all for this week.
36:09Tune in next week where, for school pride, I'm going to dive off the top of the admissions building into a cup of beer!
36:15Woo!
36:16Yeah!
36:17All right!
36:18Bobby?
36:18Yeah?
36:19Am I a pretty girl?
36:21Yeah, you're like, you're like the sun.
36:25Woo!
36:25All right!
36:26Woo!
36:30Woo!
36:31Woo!
36:31Woo!
36:35Now, you see why these goggles are so important?
36:37You've got to keep your eyes on the wood at all times.
36:40You can't be looking around.
36:41Hi, I'm the ghost of Christmas past, otherwise known as Kathy Wojnowski.
37:00Somewhere in the heart of Manhattan, one week before Thanksgiving break,
37:05an exclusive girls' school housing 300 daughters of the world's most powerful leaders.
37:11That is taken over by a team of crack international terrorists.
37:20Ladies, ladies, get on the floor, please.
37:26We are in control now.
37:29Our demands are simple, one million dollars for each daughter's release.
37:34What they didn't expect was L.D. Mellish, the clarinet teacher.
37:39You just wanna move your hands up and down on the shaft.
37:42Here, see, just...
37:44To, to a paraphrase, the great Bruce Willis, Yippee-Ki-Yo-Ki-...
37:51Welcome to the party.
38:03Crimes, misdemeanors, and payback.
38:08Woody Allen will take out your funny bow before breaking it into 17 pieces.
38:15They've got him cornered, but not outwitted.
38:18You didn't expect to stop us, did you?
38:21Jew?
38:22Did...
38:23Did you say Jew?
38:24I distinctly heard you say Jew.
38:26I'm surrounded by a bunch of anti-Semitic, neo-Nazi, Euro-trash, ponytail-wearing terrorists here.
38:33But it wouldn't give her a large sock of horse manure.
38:42Also starring Mia Farrell as the mother superior.
38:46You've got to save those girls.
38:48I mean, I just...
38:49I adopted them all last week.
38:52We're doing everything we can to protect them from the terrorists.
38:55Not from the terrorists, no, no, from the clarinet teacher.
38:59Woody is 98 pounds of pure intellectual excitement.
39:02This kidnapping is a travesty.
39:04It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham, of two mockeries of a sham.
39:08Yes, Yasser Arafat has said,
39:10Terrorism is the foundation of the war against global oppression.
39:14Aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that?
39:16The worst part is Yasser Arafat.
39:18You don't know anything about Yasser Arafat's work.
39:20Well, actually, I happened to teach a class at Columbia on international terrorism and culture.
39:24So I think my insights into Mr. Arafat have a great deal of validity.
39:29Dude, well, I have Yasser Arafat right here, so, so, so...
39:33I heard what you were saying.
39:35You know nothing of my work.
39:36How you got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing.
39:42Boy, if life were only like this.
39:44Figger, fatter, faster.
39:46With more Nietzsche references than any action flick this season.
39:49Listen, punk.
39:50You're the disease and I'm the cure.
39:53Metaphorically speaking, of course.
39:54I'll see you in hell.
39:56I don't believe in hell.
39:57How about Los Angeles?
39:59It's a detonator.
40:01It's a big bomb.
40:09You are so brave.
40:10So courageous.
40:11Don't forget, boyishly handsome with a puckish spirit.
40:15I don't know how to thank you.
40:16Really?
40:17Um...
40:18Just...
40:19Arch your back and lick your lips.
40:22No.
40:23Just...
40:24Palfamy.
40:25Tongue.
40:26The sleeper hit of the year.
40:27Crimes.
40:28Misdemeanors.
40:29And payback.
40:30I'll be back.
40:31In court.
40:32To appeal that custody decision.
40:34Crazy shiksa.
40:35In court.
40:36To appeal that custody decision.
40:38Crazy shiksa.
40:40To appeal that custody decision.
40:45Crazy shiksa.
40:48That's our show, folks.
41:11We had a blast, as always, to all our hardcore MADtv fans.
41:15We love you.
41:16See you next week.
41:18We love you.
41:48See, I'm big boner and everything, and that's just more of me love.
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