- 3 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 8
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:16Hi, everybody.
00:18Good, good, thank you.
00:24Alright, welcome.
00:26I'm Nicolas Cage and welcome to MADtv.
00:29I love MADtv.
00:32But I have to say that I feel the world is sort of in an awful place right now
00:36and people seem to be unhappy and very sad.
00:39And that makes me very, very sad.
00:42That's why I love watching MADtv,
00:44because it makes me glad, very, very glad
00:47that I'm happy.
00:49I'm a poet here.
00:51Because, you know, when you watch MADtv,
00:53the guys are really funny and then I laugh.
00:55You know, like this, watch.
00:57I'll do a little laugh for you.
01:03Okay, sorry.
01:05Can't fake comedy, you know.
01:06I just can't fake it.
01:07Just ask Tom Arnold.
01:09Okay, but you know...
01:11Yeah, I like that one.
01:13Okay, so let's tune in,
01:14because we've got a great show for you tonight on MADtv.
01:19You're so amazing.
01:20Woo!
01:21Woo!
01:22Woo!
01:23Woo!
01:24Woo!
01:25Woo!
01:28Man!
01:29Uh! Come on!
01:30Yeah! Yeah!
01:31Uh! Come on! Come on!
01:32Hey!
01:33Man!
01:34You're so...
01:37Man!
01:38Crazy!
01:39You're so crazy
01:58You drive me down
02:09You are now watching the TV
02:12The Game Show Network is proud to present the newest game in its game show family, Cha-ya-know-what.
02:21Now please welcome your host, Miss Kathy Wojtunowski.
02:26Cha-ya-know-what, Cha-ya-know-what, Cha-ya-know-what, Cha-ya-know-what.
02:33Thank you, thank you. Okay, okay, tight down.
02:36Okay, thank you. Welcome to Cha-ya-know-what.
02:40My name is Kathy Wojtunowski.
02:42Watch out, Pat Sajak, send Vanna to the glue factory,
02:45because the hostess with the mostess has arrived.
02:50Okay, it's time to meet our players.
02:52On my left we have Jay Smith.
02:54Jay, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
02:57Well, Kathy, I'm a lieutenant in the Marine Corps,
03:00and I'm proud to say I'm serving my country and keeping our borders safe.
03:03Mm-hmm. Not too safe, I hope. I need my lawn mowed once a week.
03:07Oh, okay.
03:09Now let's meet your challenger. You are...
03:12Hello, Kathy, I'm Billy O'Shalohan, and I'm from Dublin, Ireland.
03:15Okay, producers, don't let this one drive home, if you know what I mean.
03:21Don't start in on Ireland. There are a lot of wonderful things about it.
03:24I'm sure there are, and the little modern conveniences like indoor plumbing and peace,
03:30well, they're just overrated anyway.
03:32But I'll tell you what, Lucky, we're going to bring out your celebrity guest,
03:36see if we can't move you up the food chain just a little bit, okay?
03:39She is America's teen queen, and I'm not talking about Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
03:45Please put your hands together for Brandy.
03:47It's really great to be here, and you know what, if it's okay, I'd like to plug my new movie.
03:58It's called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
04:01Okay, actually, Brandy, I do know what you did last summer, and I want my hubcaps back.
04:06No, no, no, I'm just kidding. You can keep them.
04:09Okay, have a seat, have a seat.
04:10Okay, now we're going to meet our next star.
04:14He is an A-list actor, but I thought we had Christian Slater.
04:18Oh, we do.
04:20Okay, he has been in countless hit movies.
04:24Now we're just being a little cruel.
04:25Let's bring the poor guy up, Christian Slater.
04:33I also have a movie coming out.
04:35It's called Very Bad Things.
04:37Very Bad Things.
04:39Now what is that, just a list of all the other movies you've done?
04:43Have a seat.
04:44Okay, here are the rules.
04:47It is played just like Password, except it's called Chai, you know what?
04:50We have ten seconds on the clock.
04:52Brandy, would you like to give or receive?
04:55Receive.
04:56Do what you know best, right, honey?
04:59Okay, let's show the folks at home the word.
05:03Oh, you know what, Johnny, for those in the South, why don't we just go ahead and read it?
05:07Chai, you know what?
05:08The word is piano.
05:11Ten seconds, and go.
05:15Block.
05:15Oh, hold it right there, Mr. Lucky Charms.
05:18Enough with the name calling, okay?
05:21This is a game.
05:22The clock's a-tickin'.
05:23No, no, he was giving me a clue.
05:25Oh, while he's at it, he might want to give your hairdresser a clue.
05:28Oh, what a tangled web he weaves.
05:32Okay, nuh-uh, nuh-uh, okay?
05:34This is not a weave.
05:35Oh, please, Raggedy Brandy.
05:38Look at that yarn.
05:40I mean, the boy may be yours, but the hair sure isn't.
05:43Shut up and let us play.
05:46He's a feisty Irish one.
05:47Oh, yeah.
05:50Keys.
05:51Door.
05:52Oh, my goodness.
05:53The word is piano, Brandy.
05:55I'm sorry.
05:57Judges, I'm sorry.
05:58We have Brandy and an Irish drunk, for God's sakes.
06:00How are they supposed to get it?
06:02I am not a drunk.
06:03I don't appreciate you.
06:04You know what?
06:04It's my show.
06:05Okay.
06:06And I just don't like it very much.
06:08Thank you very much.
06:10I don't like it at all.
06:11And scene.
06:13You know what?
06:13This really is a very fake.
06:15You know what?
06:16You're right, actually.
06:17The baby killer should get stuck with you, too.
06:19Okay, switch teams, Blandy.
06:21No, no.
06:21I would rather play with Christian.
06:23I'm sure you would, but...
06:25You know what?
06:27Don't ask.
06:28Don't tell.
06:29Thanks.
06:32It's sort of weird that I came here to just sit around and do nothing.
06:38Okay.
06:39Why don't you pretend it's the Oscars?
06:42Okie doke.
06:43We have ten seconds on the clock.
06:46What is the word, Johnny?
06:48Cha, you know what?
06:49The word is funny.
06:51Oh, whoa, whoa.
06:52I'm going to stop the game right there.
06:53I've seen Brandy on Moesha, and there is no way she's going to get the word funny.
06:58No.
06:59Excuse me.
07:00Are you kidding?
07:01Wish I were, Bloesha.
07:04Oh, that horn means it's time for our speed round.
07:07Oh, but not the kind of speed you were hoping for.
07:10Sorry, Christian.
07:11Cha, you know what?
07:12You can't talk to us like this.
07:14Okay, you know what?
07:15You can't act.
07:17Now we're on.
07:18Now, you just watch...
07:19Whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:20Don't hit me.
07:21I'm not your girlfriend, Christian.
07:23You know what, Brandy?
07:24You don't need this crap.
07:26You know what?
07:26I'm with you, Christian.
07:27This is whack.
07:28Whack.
07:29That's a neat word.
07:30Okay.
07:31The Mensa Convention has left the building.
07:35All right, contestants.
07:36Your celebrity guests will be reading you clues.
07:39Whoever has the most points wins the car.
07:41But our partners are gone.
07:43Oh, well, looks like you won't be winning then, huh, Mac?
07:46So who gets the car?
07:49That would be me.
07:50You never even gave us a chance.
07:52I want to play.
07:53Okay.
07:53Then why don't you go ahead and solve this puzzle.
07:56F blank.
07:58F yourself.
08:00Now, who wants to buy a vowel?
08:02I'd like to buy a U, all right?
08:04Okay, sit down there and get it.
08:05What are you going to do with the car?
08:06Blow it up, huh?
08:07I don't mind you, baby.
08:09I don't know.
08:09We'll see you on Shaya Know What next week.
08:11Thank you very much.
08:13You are a man.
08:31You are a man.
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08:56our 42nd president feeling up Kathleen Willey on the day her husband died,
09:01and, of course, all 11 sexual encounters with Monica Lewinsky are here,
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09:09Dinner's ready, Mark, and I made your favorite.
09:13Green beans? I love green beans.
09:16I know.
09:16Your family will forever be able to experience the two occasions
09:19when Monica Lewinsky stimulated the Commander-in-Chief's love shuttle
09:23all the way to Blastoff.
09:25The Clinton Presidency Collector Plates from Spishak Collectibles
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09:32Order today and get the bonus plate,
09:34the Impeachment, which our skilled Republican craftsmen are working on right now.
09:39Call today, 1-800-S-L-I-C-K.
09:42That's 1-800-SLICK.
09:52In 1998, one song touched the heart of a nation
09:55and made our spirits soar.
09:58Tonight, E! Entertainment presents the story of the little song that could,
10:01a little song that did,
10:04a little song called,
10:05You Are the Love of My Life.
10:09That song's been pretty darn good to us.
10:37Hi, I'm Michael McLeod.
10:39And I'm Jasmine Wayne Wayne.
10:42Four Oscars, six Grammys, nine Golden Globe Awards.
10:46One song.
10:47You are the love of my life.
10:50You are the love of my life.
10:53You are the love of my life.
10:56You are the love of my life.
10:59You are the love of my life.
11:01For the longest time, I only had the first part of the melody in my head.
11:07It haunted me.
11:09But then Jasmine came along.
11:14It just popped into my head like a blessing.
11:17For the longest time, it was like I was walking around with no pants.
11:23And then this woman walks into the room and says,
11:27Here, here's your pants.
11:30Here's your pants.
11:31You are the love of my life.
11:36You are the love of my life.
11:39You are the love of my life.
11:42You are the love of my life.
11:45You are the love of my life.
11:46When the producers of the movie Hindenburg first called,
11:49they wanted us to do this insipid Celine Dionish type of song.
11:53Not that we have anything against Celine Dion.
11:55Oh, no, no, no.
11:56We love Celine.
11:57We just hate her songs.
11:58You know, we wanted a chance to do our kind of music.
12:03You know, our kind of song.
12:08You are the love of my life.
12:09You are the love of my life.
12:11You are the love of my life.
12:13Love of my life.
12:14Love of my life.
12:15You are the love of my life.
12:17My father had been ill for quite some time,
12:21so it wasn't much of a surprise when...
12:24Oh, this is a funny story.
12:28Oh, this is not the funny one.
12:34With the taco and the...
12:36My father...
12:37No, this is not the taco story.
12:39I'll tell that soon again.
12:41My father was quite...
12:44You know, I can't...
12:46Would you get me some chips or something?
12:48You are the love of my life.
12:52You are the love of my life.
12:56You are the love of my life.
13:10There's an old Algonquin saying,
13:12Issaconi, sahasakatehe.
13:14And it means...
13:16I think it's sahasakatehe.
13:19Right, sahasakatehe.
13:20And it means he has one shoe off
13:23and one shoe on.
13:25And what that represents to me...
13:26No, I think you were right.
13:27I think it's Issaconi, sahasakatehe.
13:29Hey.
13:32You are the love of my life.
13:36You are the love of my life.
13:39You are the love of my life.
13:42You are the love of my life.
14:09You are the love of my life.
14:15Two weeks after the making of this documentary,
14:18Michael McLeod and Jasmine Wayne Wayne
14:20were attacked while performing live
14:21in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
14:23They were forced to flee the country,
14:25but were then arbitrarily denied re-entry
14:27into the United States.
14:29They currently reside in Nicaragua,
14:31but have not kept in touch with each other.
14:32You are the love of my life.
14:36You are the love of my life.
14:49You are the love of my life.
14:53You are the love of my life.
14:56You are the love of my life.
15:00You are the love of my life.
15:03You are the love of my life.
15:05Come on and come on
15:10Mmm
15:14La la la la la la la la
15:18You're the lover of mine
15:23Love
15:27You've been delighted by his singing and dancing for years, but now K-PAL Video and MADtv bring you a side of James Brown Jr. you've never seen before.
15:56Introducing James Brown Jr. Man of a Thousand Voices
16:00You'll see James Brown Jr. as Oscar winner Jack Nicholson
16:05Can't handle
16:08Clint Eastwood
16:11You'll swear, funny man, Eddie Murphy is in the room
16:21Then you'll be astonished by his moving tribute to dead U.S. presidents such as John F. Kennedy
16:31Ask what you do
16:33Catch it
16:34Catch it
16:35Huh
16:36Richard and Nixon
16:38Uh
16:39Eh
16:40Ha
16:41Ain't no crook
16:42And the just about dead presidents like Ronald Reagan
16:45You'll also get impressions of
16:51Reverend Jim from Taxi
16:53John Duke Wayne
16:54Jewel
16:55The artist formerly known as Prince
16:57MASH's Colonel Potter
16:58James Brown Sr.
17:00Oprah
17:01Larry Hagman
17:02Larry Fishburne
17:03MASH's Larry Linville
17:04Leonardo DiCaprio
17:07Bjork
17:15James Crowlin
17:16Ellen Claighorn
17:17The one-man show critics are calling Beyond Incredible.
17:20It's very incredible.
17:23Send $29.95 to James Brown Jr., man of a thousand voices, care of MADtv, Box 689, Scranton, Pennsylvania.
17:31Don't miss out. Send for yours today.
17:39It's time for College Quiz Challenge.
17:42Good evening. Welcome to College Quiz Challenge.
17:48I'm Walter Davis Osgood, your host.
17:51And now let's meet the three honor students who will be vying for that $1,000 prize.
17:57First is Brian.
18:03Now, Brian, you're a sophomore at Northwestern, is that right?
18:07Yes, I am, Walter. And I'm majoring in sports medicine.
18:10Very good. Next is Lisa.
18:17Lisa is a senior at Yale University.
18:20That's right, where I'm majoring in English.
18:23That's fine, Lisa. I'm sure your parents are very proud of you.
18:28And now we're going to bring out our champion, who is rejoining us for the 63rd consecutive week.
18:34Please welcome Rusty.
18:37Yes!
18:40Hi, my name is Rusty. I'm a freshman from Cal State Fullerton.
18:45Go Titans!
18:46Yeah!
18:51Okay, let's begin our game.
18:53Wait a minute. Aren't you going to ask me something personal about me like you did with them?
18:58Okay, Rusty. What's your major?
19:00I don't have a major. I'm a freshman, you dodo bird.
19:06Okay.
19:06But I'm thinking of majoring in public speaking.
19:11That's fine. Let's begin our game, shall we?
19:14I'm going to ask you some questions coming from a wide variety of topics.
19:19If you think you know the answer, buzz in.
19:21At the end of the game, the person with the most points is our champion.
19:24Oh, it's like a beauty pageant. Sexy.
19:30Okay.
19:31Just leave me alone.
19:32Just settle down, please. Please.
19:36Buzz in if you can answer the following question.
19:40Who was Hammurabi?
19:42Rusty.
19:44Hammurabi was a king in ancient Babylonia.
19:46Not to be confused with ham on rye, which is a sandwich.
19:51Very funny, Rusty.
19:52Thank you. I just made that up.
19:55Your answer is correct, giving you one point.
19:57Yes! It's the good guys!
20:00Next question.
20:02Where can cytoplasm be found?
20:05Lisa.
20:06In the uterus.
20:07Oh, that is incorrect.
20:11Rusty, do you have an answer?
20:13First, a comment.
20:15The uterus?
20:16Gross.
20:18What is so gross about it?
20:20It's a uterus.
20:21Okay, please. Rusty, did you buzz?
20:24Oh, yes.
20:25Cytoplasm can be found within the cells of plants and animals.
20:28Okay, fine.
20:29Outside the nucleus? Within the cell wall.
20:31Okay, moving on.
20:33It's jelly-like.
20:34Okay, fine.
20:36Rusty, that gives you two points.
20:38Brian, you have zero.
20:39Lisa, minus one.
20:41Wah, wah, wah, wah.
20:45Rusty, stop it.
20:48Can you please not touch me?
20:49Our next question.
20:51Who invented baseball?
20:53Brian.
20:55Abner Doubleday.
20:56That is correct.
20:58Abner?
20:58That sounds like the name of a dork.
21:03Rusty, please, please.
21:05Next, name the largest Portuguese-speaking country in the world.
21:14Lisa.
21:15Um, Walter, I believe that is Brazil.
21:17Yes, that is correct.
21:19Congratulations, you're back to zero.
21:29Our next question is worth double the points.
21:32Oh, I better start paying attention then, huh?
21:36Where was the Battle of the Bulge fought?
21:40Brian.
21:41Um, Germany.
21:42That is incorrect.
21:45Oh, and that marks the end of our first round.
21:47And as you have the fewest points, I'm afraid we're going to have to say goodbye.
21:51Have to say goodbye.
21:51Thank you for playing.
21:52Thanks for playing.
21:53We'll see you later.
21:55Go to Helm.
21:57Go to Helm's Bakery, you son of a biscuit.
22:04Okay.
22:05Okay.
22:07The answer, of course, to that question was Belgium.
22:10Belgium.
22:11Belgium, I knew that.
22:13Right.
22:13Did you know that Belgium used to be called Flanders?
22:15Okay, that's fine.
22:16We're moving on now.
22:17And that there are two types of people there.
22:18Okay.
22:18The Flemish and the Walloons.
22:20Rusty, shut your pie hole or so help me God.
22:23Our next question is worth triple the points.
22:32So it's anybody's ball game.
22:36Lisa, we're all rooting for you.
22:39I'll do my best.
22:41Good luck.
22:45Lisa, you say that you're an English major, is that right?
22:48That's right.
22:49I'm studying at Yale.
22:51Okay.
22:51Okay.
22:52Okay.
22:56The final question has been selected completely at random.
23:03Find the verb in this sentence.
23:06Please bring me a glass of water.
23:08Lisa.
23:11Um, uh, the verb is bring.
23:15That is correct.
23:16And we have a new champion.
23:18Congratulations.
23:18Excuse me.
23:19Excuse me, please.
23:20Excuse me.
23:22Why are not the music?
23:23Actually, the verb in that sentence is please.
23:27Bring is an implied infinitive.
23:30Please to bring me a glass of water.
23:34It's an exception to the rule.
23:36That's right.
23:38That's right.
23:38That's what that is.
23:40He's right.
23:41It is.
23:42Lisa, are you sure?
23:43I'm afraid so.
23:44Yeah.
23:44Can we go to the judges on this?
23:46He's right.
23:48Thanks, the good guys!
23:50I've only seen...
23:51Where's my victory music?
23:52I don't want to ask this, but I have to.
24:00What are you going to do with $1,000?
24:02Hmm.
24:02Buy more Garfield posters.
24:04Yeah, Garfield!
24:05The world's most cantikers!
24:09Well, that's our show, everyone.
24:11Rusty, I guess I'll see you next week.
24:13Oh, you sure will!
24:14Maybe we can carpool!
24:15Hey, where's my music?
24:16Got a little tram on the edge.
24:18Hey, boys, just study!
24:25Baby!
24:26No, no, no.
24:26These are all boys.
24:27I had a little girl.
24:29Oh.
24:30I bit me a vampire one time.
24:34Them fellas taste like corn.
24:35Hey!
24:36Hey!
24:37No, please.
24:48No.
24:49Blood sucker!
24:55Haven't you heard that no meat?
24:59Blade is back.
25:02Mind if I cut him?
25:05Mind if I invite a few friends to...
25:07the party.
25:10Good.
25:11Because I brought a friend of my own.
25:13This time, Blade has a partner.
25:16Sling Blade.
25:18Break your stuff eating on people's necks.
25:25Wesley Snipes.
25:27Billy Bob Thornton.
25:32Blades.
25:33Oh, no.
25:34You know, my mother was bitten by a vampire.
25:47And then she became one.
25:52I bit me a vampire one time.
25:55Them fellas taste like corn.
25:57When they're together, the screen explodes with charisma.
26:14Nice weather we're having, huh?
26:16What do you say we go kill some vampires?
26:36All right, Dan.
26:39Let's go.
26:39It's this way, Sling.
26:44This team gives new meaning to heart-pounding excitement.
26:48Sling.
26:50It's this way.
26:52Also starring Christopher Walken as Deacon Walken.
26:56Four hundred years ago, I put a piece of cake up my ass.
27:01And I swore that I'd leave it there until our time had come.
27:06Rule the world.
27:07So, guess what?
27:10Time's up.
27:11I forgot that was lit.
27:16So, humans, a bunch of monkeys.
27:19One word.
27:21Lights out.
27:25I don't think so.
27:29Well, this isn't a day walker.
27:33So, where's your special friend?
27:36He's up getting french fries.
27:42Let's dance.
27:45Boo.
27:55Boo.
27:56So fancy.
27:57So fancy.
28:06Got you now.
28:13The blade.
28:16Ow.
28:20It's a nice move.
28:23Coffee makes me a mic nervous when I drink it.
28:26Thanks for having my back, Sling.
28:29But kill me a leprechaun when I would get the boy.
28:32Man, what the hell are you talking about?
28:37You was messing up my bed.
28:41Blaze.
28:42Who knew two dull blades could be so much fun?
28:49Mom, I am so nervous.
28:51About to meet my little baby for the first time.
28:54What do I do?
28:56Okay.
28:57I'll calm down.
28:58Oh, there's the nurse with the baby.
29:00Okay.
29:01Bye.
29:01I love you.
29:02Uh, come in.
29:06Congratulations.
29:08Uh, let's see.
29:12Oh.
29:13Oh, uh, that's not my baby.
29:15Congratulations.
29:18This baby is black.
29:20Yes.
29:21Yes.
29:22My husband and I were both white.
29:24Congratulations.
29:27Please take this baby back and bring me my baby.
29:31Okay.
29:31Okay.
29:32Okay.
29:35No, Mom, I am calm.
29:36It's just the girl from the hospital brought me the wrong baby.
29:40Uh, that's her again.
29:41Okay, I'll call you back.
29:42Come in.
29:44Come in.
29:44Come in.
29:46Baby.
29:47Oh, why was there so many?
29:49Is one of them mine?
29:51It is possible.
29:54No, no, no.
29:54These are all boys.
29:55I had a little girl.
29:56Oh.
29:57Oh.
29:58Okay.
29:59Now go back to the nursery and find my little girl.
30:02Oh.
30:02Her name is Candace Johnson.
30:05Candace Johnson.
30:06You just read her little bracelet.
30:08Candace Johnson.
30:10Okay.
30:10Okay.
30:11Sweetheart, do you realize the mistake you've made?
30:21No.
30:23These bracelets are supposed to stay on the babies.
30:26This one right here, that's from my baby.
30:29Congratulations.
30:31Now go back to the nursery and find the baby you took this from.
30:34I have a cat named Fifi.
30:38I don't care.
30:39Get out.
30:41I need a real nurse to find my baby.
30:45May I help you?
30:46Why did you do that?
30:47Congratulations.
30:49What is that?
30:51Fifi?
30:55Baby?
30:57No.
31:01Baby?
31:02No.
31:03Not yet it isn't.
31:05Baby?
31:06What do you think?
31:07No.
31:08No.
31:12Baby?
31:14That's it.
31:15I can't take this anymore.
31:16I will get the baby, okay?
31:18You get in the nice comfy bed and I'll get my baby.
31:22Okay.
31:25It is comfy.
31:30Here's your baby.
31:31Sorry about the mix-up.
31:35Congratulations.
31:40Hello.
31:42I thought I'd call you CC2.
31:45Electric Boogaloo.
31:46Hey, you.
31:58Hey, you.
32:12Tired of being a wallflower at weddings?
32:18No natural rhythm but still longing to par-tay?
32:23Then get dad dance and learn how to dance like a dad.
32:27Let's get it on, huh?
32:28Woo!
32:30Suck it to me, baby!
32:32This instructional video teaches you all the famous dad dance moves.
32:36You'll learn how to grimace.
32:39Make fists and run in place.
32:43Goot and holler like an imbecile.
32:45Woo!
32:45You'll get all the favorite dance steps, including the Watusi.
32:52Hey, everybody, let's Watusi.
32:53Huh?
32:56The A.E. Reiki.
32:58Yippee-ki-yay!
33:00And the Macarena.
33:02Hey, macaroni.
33:05And if you order today, you'll get these bonus videos.
33:09Slow Dad Dancing.
33:10No, it's one, two, three.
33:14With you, it's like trying to move a building.
33:16Come on.
33:16Grunk Dad Dancing.
33:18Come on.
33:19Let's boogie!
33:24And the painfully embarrassing Slow Drunk Dad Dance.
33:28So what if you're my daughter's best friend, huh?
33:30It'll be our little secret.
33:32Mr. Allison.
33:34Hi.
33:35Call me Big Bob, huh?
33:37You don't want to.
33:40So dance like a dad with Dad Dance.
33:43Get yours today.
33:44Available at all Wall Smart stores.
33:46I would like to make an appointment to kick his ass.
33:53What do I have to be thankful for?
33:55My ancestors who cleared out the natives to make room for Americans.
34:02Hi, Dad.
34:03What's the secret to kicking a good party?
34:05Now do the floppy chicken.
34:10And now, a MADtv classic.
34:20Coming soon from 20th Century Fox.
34:25Hello?
34:36I'm Cornelia, and I'm in for murder.
34:39So, you're the new fish.
34:42Welcome to the prison sisterhood.
34:44Barbara Streisand presents Barbara Streisand in Terms of Imprisonment.
34:51A movie about women, directed and written by a woman, starring an all-woman cast.
34:59Whitney Houston as Ruby.
35:02And Drew Barrymore as Cornelia.
35:06Oy vey.
35:08Well, hello, roommate.
35:10So, they found his burnt body handcuffed to the headboard of the bed.
35:15But I didn't do it.
35:16I mean, how could I be the fire starter?
35:18I was driving cross-country with my girlfriends.
35:21Yeah, right.
35:22Get real, sister.
35:24We're all innocent in this prison.
35:26What are you in for?
35:28Did you see her performance in Waiting to Exhale?
35:32What about you?
35:34Me?
35:35I lost a good friend.
35:36How?
35:37I had him killed.
35:38Also starring, Roseanne, is prison guard Ilsa Schickelgruber.
35:44Okay, love muffins.
35:46Cavity search.
35:48Search your cavities and stuff.
35:51Bend over, Babs.
35:53Mmm.
35:55Wow.
35:56On a clear day, you can see forever.
36:00Hey, hello, dolly.
36:04Finally, a movie that celebrates the friendship.
36:08That only women can have.
36:20Bitch, I'm gonna claw your nose off.
36:23If I can get my hand around it.
36:33Wait a second.
36:35What are we fighting for?
36:37We're sisters.
36:37You're right.
36:40Girl, we're every woman.
36:49Sister.
36:52My sister.
36:56How could I have hurt you?
36:59I'll never desert you.
37:01No more pain.
37:03No more pain.
37:05We're sisters together again.
37:11No.
37:12We'll never have you.
37:18I love you.
37:21A story of women behind bars, as only Barbara Streisand can tell it.
37:30All right, everybody out.
37:32Get back to yourselves.
37:33I love you.
37:34I love you.
37:34I love you.
37:35I love you.
37:35I love you.
37:36I love you.
37:36I love you.
37:37I love you.
37:37I love you.
37:37I love you.
37:38I love you.
37:39Barbara, the governor has commuted your sentence to life on the grounds that you're too beautiful
37:45to execute.
37:47Ugh, again?
37:50I've never fallen in love with an inmate before.
37:54Soup's on.
37:55An emotional rollercoaster of epic proportions, torn from the joys and sorrows that define
38:06what it means to be a woman.
38:10Do you have any sixes?
38:12Go fish.
38:14Well, Cornelia, you're free to go.
38:26Turned out it wasn't your boyfriend that was burned.
38:28It was an identical twin brother that you didn't know about.
38:31He substituted his body so that he could run away to Alabama with your beautiful and much
38:35less slutty sister.
38:44But I don't want to go.
38:48Well, you can't stay here.
38:49You haven't done anything.
38:57You're right.
38:59Men are pigs.
39:04Did I hurt him?
39:05I should say so.
39:07He's dead.
39:08Oh, that's okay.
39:10Because I want to live out the rest of my days here with my sisters.
39:14What are you talking about?
39:16I'm dying of cancer.
39:19Me too.
39:20I have a head cold.
39:22Oh, no.
39:24Barbara.
39:25Does this help?
39:28Not really.
39:30Works for me.
39:31Hello.
39:32Roseanne.
39:33Drew.
39:35Whitney.
39:37Streisand.
39:44Terms of Imprisonment.
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