- 3 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 2
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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TVTranscript
00:01Hey, how you doing?
00:03I'm here on the set of MADtv, and to be blunt with you, I'm here to ruin it.
00:07Because it's their fourth season, they're starting to get a little bit cocky, and I've got to bring them down a peg.
00:11Howard, what are you doing here?
00:13Hey, it's Alex Borstein.
00:14Okay, great.
00:15Now I've got to take this shirt to the free clinic.
00:18She looking like a moron.
00:21Hey, fellas, how you doing?
00:23Hey, Howard, how's it going?
00:24Baba Booey, Harry!
00:26Okay, the black guy, Harry Spears, carries a gun.
00:29He's about ten minutes away from having a Martin Lawrence freak-out attack.
00:32Will Sasso, he's the big guy, and he's a Canadian working in the country illegally.
00:37Oops, did I just say that?
00:39Oh, hey, this is Deborah Wilson.
00:41I love Deborah Wilson.
00:42Hot, hot.
00:43I mean, I can play with these things all day.
00:45Look at that.
00:46You wish!
00:47And she's such a tease.
00:48I love that about her.
00:50Now these are the three new cast members of MADtv.
00:53Andrew Bowen, Mo Collins, and Michael McDonald.
00:56Now, Andrew is probably bragging about his penis implant for the billionth time, but Michael
01:00and Mo don't care because, you know, they've got a drink to handle the pressure.
01:05This guy, we call him Jimmy two times because he says everything two times.
01:09Hey, Howard.
01:10I'm going to go get the papers.
01:11Get the papers.
01:12Okay.
01:13Right.
01:14Now, of course, we've got Phil Lamar.
01:16Funky Walker, boring actor.
01:19Dull, dull, dull.
01:21I mean, this guy, don't start a conversation with him unless you've got about half a day
01:25to kill.
01:26Oh, and of course, we've got this guy.
01:28Pat Kilbane.
01:29What a total jackass.
01:30I mean, he's skinny.
01:31He's got a small head.
01:32He does lame impressions.
01:33Come on.
01:34Is that the best competition you can come up with?
01:36I think they can do a little better than that.
01:38The king of all media is here, and welcome to MADtv, and I gotta say, it's an okay show,
01:53right?
01:54I mean, they do some funny stuff, you know?
02:08I'll give him that, but hey, the fact is, if you want to see something really great, you've
02:12got to watch my show.
02:13I mean, where else can you see a transvestite midget chasing a lesbian stripper with a 12-inch
02:17sausage?
02:18You've never seen that on MADtv.
02:19So, maybe they've got new writers.
02:32Who knows?
02:33Think around.
02:34It's a great show.
02:35That's a great sausage.
02:38Come on.
02:39Come on.
02:41Come on.
02:42Come on.
02:43Man.
02:44You're so crazy.
02:48Man.
02:49Woo...
02:52Man.
02:54Man.
02:55Man.
02:57Man.
02:58Man.
03:01You're so crazy.
03:06This season, it's a hard-hitting police drama from the masters of illusion as showstoppers
03:28become Crimestoppers in Siegfried and Roy, Litter on the Streets.
03:37I got nothing to say in all caps.
03:40I'll take it, Roy.
03:44Are you scared of me?
03:47Hell no.
03:53How about now?
03:54Punks like you make me sick.
03:59Watch his perfect face.
04:02Tell us where he is, you piece of trash.
04:04You're so happy, I'll smack you with my strong hands.
04:07I'm looking at Dr. Tinker, Tinker, do you want to know?
04:11Wise choice.
04:14Partners with their own brand of justice.
04:18God, Dr. Tinker, he's sick with the Roy.
04:20Oh, did you see that Roy?
04:21I think Barry Manilow's opening for us at the Mirage.
04:25Well, I hope he doesn't ask us to sing because we're busy fighting crime.
04:29All right, police business after the rape, please.
04:34Play by the rules, damn it.
04:36I don't want the chief coming down on my head.
04:39Rules get you dead, Captain.
04:43Besides, we get the bad guys.
04:47That's what counts.
04:48You know, you're playing with fire, boys.
04:51One more step and you might just go up in flames.
04:53We are not afraid to be on fire.
04:56Flaming is our middle name.
05:02Working undercover is a dangerous game.
05:06Roy, I'm chilly.
05:07My nipples are hot.
05:11Working undercover is a dangerous game, Siegfried.
05:15Bartender, a shot and a beer.
05:21The hunter becomes the hunter.
05:30When the nights heat up, these guys stay cool.
05:34Hey, I ain't never seen you around here before.
05:38Look at the hooter things on that girl over there.
05:44I'd like to go over there and, you know, do that stuff to those things.
05:52You're okay.
05:55And when the sun goes down, it gets real hot on the Las Vegas Strip.
06:00Baby, you shouldn't be here.
06:03It's too dangerous.
06:07I don't care.
06:08Just let me love you.
06:11All right.
06:12No problem.
06:23It's magic time.
06:26Let's kick some ass.
06:39Not this face.
06:41Not this face.
06:43Siegfried, he's got a gun.
06:50Anouchka, come.
06:51Embracadabra.
07:03She's dead, yeah?
07:06Yeah.
07:10We're going to heat up your fall.
07:14Right, Siegfried?
07:15Right, boy.
07:17So get ready for the Siegfried Marche.
07:19Matching on Foxe.
07:26You are bad.
07:31You are bad.
07:37Oh, boy, a nice juicy steak.
07:42On second thought, all that fat and cholesterol.
07:45Not to mention my hypertension.
07:47I love the taste of meat, but there's so much to worry about.
07:54Well, thanks to Spishak, your worries are over.
07:58Spishak Laboratories is proud to announce a space-age solution.
08:02New meat beaters, the cholesterol-free powdered meat substitute.
08:06And it's so easy to use.
08:08All you do is add water, beat, and heat, and presto, you have a meaty meal that's fit for a king.
08:20So why eat out in expensive restaurants when you can just stay home and beat your meat?
08:27Why spend hundreds of dollars on pricey cuts of beef when you can beat your meat for just pennies a day?
08:32Why spend hours slaving over a hot stove when you can beat your meat in just minutes and have the same satisfying results?
08:39And boy, is mom gonna love it.
08:41Who wants to beat their meat?
08:43I do! I do!
08:46Say goodbye to greasy like a lamb, give that batty ham the heave-ho, and start beating your meat the Spishak way.
08:54What a treat, to beat your meat, to Spishak's new meat beaters!
09:01New meat beaters from Spishak.
09:03Spishak.
09:07Thanks, Spishak.
09:19Are you my personal trainer?
09:21Hi, yes, I'm Shelly. You must be, um, Marvin Tikva?
09:24Well, I ain't, uh, Toadio Sabato Jr.
09:28Pardon my wet hand, but I just got back from the little boy's room. My wrist watch fell in the toilet.
09:34Oh, well...
09:35I did it, Shelly. I'm just kidding.
09:38Good one.
09:40So, let's get started. You ready to get in shape, Marvin?
09:43I sure as hell am. Look what I did to my friggin' body, huh?
09:47I look like the bastard child of the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Jolly Green Giant.
09:52Come on, Shelly.
09:53Okay, well, listen.
09:54I feel like it is.
09:55I understand that.
09:56Come on.
09:57But before we get started, okay, I'm gonna have to ask you a few questions.
09:58All right, go ahead.
09:59Okay, question number one. Do you smoke?
10:02Only when I drink.
10:03Okay, well, how often is that?
10:05Every frickin' day.
10:07Okay, Marvin, it's really gonna help your workouts if you cut out all the smoking and the drinking.
10:12All right, but somebody better contact the Absolute Vodka Company and let them know sales are about to plummet.
10:20Okay.
10:21All right, come on, let's get in shape.
10:22She's going nowhere fast.
10:23Nowhere.
10:25Nowhere.
10:26Come on, let's get in shape, okay?
10:27All right, I want to get back into shape.
10:29I don't want to be like all those other rich, fat bastards that have to buy their booty on the street.
10:33Okay.
10:34That is what we're gonna do. We're gonna stretch our hamstrings, okay?
10:37Swap.
10:38Position your feet, okay?
10:39You're going to bend those knees slightly, touch those toes, and straighten up very slowly.
10:44There you go.
10:45Uh-huh.
10:46And straighten.
10:47Uh-huh.
10:48Marvin?
10:49Uh-huh.
10:50Marvin!
10:51Marvin!
10:52Well, how do you expect me to concentrate when you're showing me what God made women for?
10:54Huh?
10:55Come on.
10:56I have to be engaged.
10:58Oh.
10:59Well, pardon me.
11:00But does your fiancé ever happen to do this?
11:03Come in, Tokyo.
11:04Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
11:06Mr. Tickball, please!
11:08Yes, Shelley, come on.
11:09All right.
11:10Let's skip the hamstrings, okay?
11:11All right.
11:12Let's start with some floor exercises.
11:13All right.
11:14I want you to get down here on the mat flat.
11:15All right.
11:16Gravity, do your stuff.
11:19All right.
11:20All right.
11:21All right.
11:22All right.
11:23Good job, Marvin.
11:24Thank you very much.
11:25Good job.
11:26Now, I want you to bend your knees.
11:27All right.
11:28All right.
11:29All right.
11:30All right.
11:31All right.
11:32All right.
11:33All right.
11:34All right.
11:35Good job, Marvin.
11:36Thank you very much.
11:37Good job.
11:38Now, I want you to bend your knees.
11:39All right.
11:40All right.
11:41All right.
11:42All right.
11:43All right.
11:44All right.
11:45Just a slight adjustment here.
11:46All right.
11:47All right.
11:48All right.
11:49All right.
11:50Good job, Marvin.
11:51Thank you very much.
11:52Good job.
11:53Now, I want you to bend your knees.
11:54All right.
11:55All right.
11:56Just a slight adjustment here.
11:57All right.
11:58Okay.
11:59There we go.
12:00Now, this is what I want you to do.
12:01I'm going to count to three.
12:02Uh-huh.
12:03And I want you to take your upper part of your body, and I want you to lift it up towards
12:05your knees.
12:06Uh-huh.
12:07And then come back down, okay?
12:08All right.
12:09All right.
12:10I want to do this.
12:11I want to have abs of steel.
12:12All right.
12:13All right.
12:14Here we go.
12:15Come on.
12:16Ha!
12:17Ah!
12:18Ah!
12:19Ah!
12:20Ah!
12:21Ah!
12:22Timothy!
12:23Ah!
12:24Ah!
12:25Ah!
12:26How was that?
12:29Marvin, I didn't see you move.
12:31Come on, Shelly.
12:32I feel like I just lifted a frickin piano.
12:35Come on.
12:36Why don't we try one more time?
12:37I'd like that.
12:38All right.
12:39I'd like another try, Coach.
12:40All right.
12:41Here we go.
12:42Come on.
12:43One, two, three.
12:52Okay, Marvin.
12:55Marvin?
12:56Marvin?
13:04Come on, Shelley.
13:05Come on, Shelley. I was just kidding, huh?
13:07Come on.
13:08Wait, somebody's gotta help me up here.
13:10Hey, Dolph Lundgren, come here.
13:14I need a helping hand. Come on.
13:17Alright, you gotta pull harder than that.
13:22Alright.
13:25We interrupt this program to bring you the following News at Six special report.
13:30This is Sue Napersville reporting to you live from this house in Van Nuys
13:35where a terrible, terrible crime is unfolding.
13:38Police have uncovered what appears to be the work of a serial killer.
13:42Now, we don't have an exact body count yet.
13:45I have been told, however, they have found partially eaten body parts in this refrigerator as well.
13:52I'm sorry. It's very, very disturbing.
13:56In all my years as a news person, I've never experienced anything quite this gruesome.
14:01Now, I do have an officer from the LAPD with some information.
14:05Officer Linson, can you tell us what's going on so far here?
14:09Yes, Sue. When we arrived on the scene approximately an hour ago, we discovered several bodies buried in the suspect's basement.
14:15Apparently, they've been there for quite some time.
14:21Excuse me. Yes, several of my men searched some more and we found several more bodies buried.
14:25And, uh, it seems that the bodies were decomposed to the extent of, uh, being unrecognizable.
14:36Now, we, uh, we tried to contact several of the family members, uh, uh, uh, uh, for the deceased and we were successful in doing that.
14:43But I can say that you, Sue Napresville, are under arrest!
14:48What?
14:49I, I, I have a press pass. We have every right to be here.
14:51No!
14:52See, this is my beat.
14:55And you have exceeded the sexy limit for being a 40-year-old woman.
15:04Happy birthday, Sue Napresville!
15:07Oh, my goodness, is this what I think of it?
15:10You guys, now you're here who's at this nation!
15:16Okay, this is embarrassing.
15:20Maureen!
15:21Just the same way.
15:23Yes!
15:24Maureen!
15:26Happy birthday, Sue!
15:28Shake your money maker!
15:30Well, there you have it.
15:32A terrible, terrible crime.
15:34Several fatalities.
15:36And I think most tragic of all, I'm 14.
15:39Uh, now we will get back to you with further details on this story as they become available to us.
15:44Uh, this is Sue Napresville asking you to stay tuned to News at Six.
15:49Come on!
15:50People, come on!
15:51This is a crime scene here!
15:53It's a crime!
15:54Just turn that camera off!
15:56This has been a News at Six special report.
15:59And don't worry, Sue.
16:00I'd give your 40-year-old buddy a tumble anytime.
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17:16The Food Channel is proud to present Cooking with Kenny and James. With your host, Kenny Rogers.
17:36and the Godfather of Soul Food, Mr. James Brown, Jr.
17:48And his lovely assistants, Spoon Tank.
17:56And the James Brown, Jr. Quartet.
17:59Hi, y'all. Welcome to Cooking with Kenny and James. Today we're going to be making something
18:07so good to taste buds, it's going to jump out of your mouth.
18:10That's actually just like Mommy used to make.
18:16Yeah, that's my son. Hey, I'm about as younger as a big fat
18:20country singer with his own cooking shop. That's what we're making, James.
18:23All right, all right. My little ribs and dirty rice. The dirtier, the better.
18:30Here's your meat, Mr. Rogers. Oh, you can call me Kenny.
18:34Uh, Kenny. The meat, da. On the meat, da. And the meat, meat.
18:39Right, James, better get back to the meat. Now, the first thing you're going to want to do
18:43is preheat your area.
18:46Uh, preheat on the oven. Make sure it's hot, da. On the count of the M.
18:50Now, there's two things in ribs. That's ribs and meat.
18:57And you're going to want to make sure that meat's mighty tender.
19:00So, James, come on, I already tenderize the meat.
19:02Going to tenderize meat. Going to tenderize.
19:05Uh, uh, uh. Going to tenderize.
19:07Little in the meat. Uh, in a, in a, in a little in the head.
19:11Uh, uh, uh, tenderize. There we go. One time. Uh, two times.
19:16Uh, uh. Three times. Uh, uh, uh.
19:18Wow. Watch me.
19:23Now, let's pop these babies in the oven.
19:26You're going to pop, I got a brand new oven.
19:28Oh, that's ready.
19:29That's a super show, bitch, ain't it?
19:32All right, now.
19:33Now, while these ribs are cooking,
19:36James here is going to tell us a secret recipe for dirty rice.
19:38Hey, James, come on over here and whisper me that secret recipe.
19:41I think it's still secret.
19:44I think I want to do is make sure that pants might not.
19:58Now, all y'all folks at home may not know where any of these pants are now.
20:01James here has got a simple text. Don't do it, James.
20:04Wow.
20:05You're gonna want to make sure you stir that rice nice and soft.
20:10Hey, that's about some star music.
20:13Hey, guys, what you gonna use for seasoning?
20:17I'm gonna use a little bit of...
20:19Get a little bit of...
20:21Get a little bit of...
20:23And half a cup of...
20:25And you do it!
20:27Get a little bit of...
20:29You ain't never gonna catch that...
20:31Aren't you forgetting something?
20:33Yeah, some of that!
20:35Hey, how's it about we put some beans in there?
20:46Yeah.
20:47Hey, Kenny!
20:48Tick, tick, tick, tick!
20:50You're right, James. You're almost all out of time.
20:54Hey, how's it about we show the kitchen how I'm finished product?
20:57Alright!
20:59You might take good!
21:10I can do that in one!
21:14So good!
21:16So good!
21:18Say that way!
21:20Uh!
21:22Uh!
21:24Uh!
21:25Hu!
21:26For a transcript of this recipe, email us at...
21:29Kenny and James at colon.colon.com.
21:31Yow!
21:32Dot com.
21:32Ow!
21:33Mm!
21:34Mm!
21:36Yeah!
21:37Mm!
21:38Oh!
21:39Oh!
21:41Get it!
21:42Come on, come on.
21:43Come on, come on.
21:44Get it!
21:44Get it!
21:44Get it!
21:45Come on, come on!
21:46Come on, come on!
21:51Rocket Revengers are ready to rocket!
21:54Right, Rocket Revengers?
21:55Right!
21:56When the iceberg hit, I was having group sex with a couple of dirty ivory.
22:01This goes from Steerich.
22:03Man!
22:12Hi, Nicolas Cage here.
22:16Recently, I was mucho saddened to hear the death of the late great Nick Bendix.
22:20For those of you who are not in the now, Nick was a kicker of totally righteous ass!
22:25And his death makes the world a much sadder place.
22:26And I'm very sad!
22:27I'm very, very sad!
22:28Uh, Nick was a Rocket Revenger.
22:32Remember them?
22:34Rocket Revengers?
22:34Right, Rocket Revengers?
22:36Right!
22:37Between 1938 and 1941, he made about 8,000 films.
22:43It's with a enormous amount of pride.
22:45But I present to you one of them.
22:50Rocket Revengers?
22:51Right, Rocket Revengers?
22:52Right!
22:52Rocket Revengers?
22:52Right!
22:52In the future, Australia becomes a volcano.
23:01And Canada is flung into space.
23:03The common cold becomes uncommon indeed.
23:06And black lung disease is finally limited to the Welsh.
23:10The Welsh.
23:11This is the future.
23:13Your future.
23:141998, the future of the Rocket Revengers.
23:21Starring Nick Bendix as Captain Dutch Anderson.
23:25Big Roy Rasmussen as Lieutenant Tiny Malone.
23:29And Lincoln Willis as Lieutenant Abraham Jefferson.
23:33Fighting to save the world of tomorrow from the evil forces of the future.
23:39Rocket Revengers are ready to rocket!
23:42Rocket Revengers!
23:48Well, chums, I've got to say, that's one of the finest meals I've ever smoked.
23:52Feels good to relax for a change, doesn't it?
23:54I'll say.
23:55Hey, gonna finish that pie?
23:57Be my guest.
23:59Just think, it was only a few decades ago that it would have been unthinkable for you,
24:03an American, to stand next to Abraham, who comes from the separate but equal island of
24:07Antarctica, and call him a friend.
24:09You know, when my people voluntarily moved to the separate but equal island of Antarctica,
24:14it really did help bring true harmony between our two peoples.
24:20Amen to the world's one god for that.
24:23Hello, boys.
24:24Hello, Dutch.
24:25Hey, Professor.
24:26Hey, boys.
24:27Take a look at this.
24:28What the?
24:40Is that what I think it is?
24:42It sure is.
24:43It's my new formula for the anti-cripple pill.
24:45That sure is good news.
24:46I know where you're going with this one, Abraham.
24:48That's good news for the millions of cripples who were crippled in World War 30.
24:53Yeah.
24:55Super swell, Betty.
24:56You're a real brain.
24:57Oh, is that all you ever see when you look at me, Dutch?
25:00Oh, why couldn't you just once notice the woman beneath the brain?
25:06What the?
25:10What the?
25:12That sounds like you're right, Abraham.
25:14That sounds like a level two emergency.
25:15Rocket Revengers, we've got no time to waste.
25:18Let's use our transporter buttons to get over to the rocket packs.
25:20Thanks.
25:22o
25:24o
25:29o
25:29o
25:44o
25:45Rocket Revengers are ready to rock it.
26:09Like Rocket Revengers?
26:10Right.
26:15Rocket Revengers is wild.
26:41Make the world's one god you got here.
26:44What's the problem, friend?
26:45It's Thermal Well 6.
26:46What the?
26:47That's the really deep well, isn't it?
26:49Yeah, we dug too deep and now I can't hold them off.
26:52Hold off who, friend?
26:53A billion Chinese.
26:55What the?
26:56A billion Chinese?
26:57They outnumber us a hundred to one.
26:59A hundred to one?
27:00I hate to criticize your math, Abraham, but if R1 is three Rocket Revengers, that more
27:05than makes up for the fact that they're hundred or a billion.
27:08What the?
27:21It's Tuka, the queen of the Chinese.
27:23Please.
27:24Hello, Rocket Revengers.
27:26I told you our pants would walk again.
27:30You've got to stop her and a monstrous plant.
27:32But first, you are going to have to stop my giant lava wood.
27:43You're right, Abraham.
27:44You're right, this is getting us nowhere.
27:46I say we show these heathens why they call us the Rocket Revengers.
28:08Rocket Revengers, this is...
28:10You're right, Abraham, this is getting us nowhere.
28:12I say we show these heathens why they call us the Rocket Revengers.
28:17Rocket Revengers are ready to rocket.
28:20Right, Rocket Revengers?
28:21Right.
28:30Those Chinese.
28:31Say, that's a nasty-looking cut you've got there, Dutch.
28:35Why don't you come on up to my lab and I'll spray some radioactivity on it?
28:38Careful she doesn't put any merry-me-gas in with that.
28:41No!
28:42What the...
28:43What the...
28:44What the...
28:45What the...
28:48What the...
28:49What the...
28:55What the...
28:57What the...
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29:32This is delicious pie, Deeks.
29:34Oh, now tell me again why I'm at this rink-a-dink award ceremony.
29:37You're presenting the United Hero Award to the last living American survivor of the Titanic.
29:42It's giving you a great chance to counteract all that negative press you've been getting.
29:46That sounds like a slam dunk.
29:47Now, you make sure my picture's with him in all the papers tomorrow.
29:49I'm way ahead of you, sir.
29:51Every major press representative in the world is here.
29:54Terrific.
29:58Good evening, my fellow Americans.
30:00Webster defines a hero as a legendary figure admired for his strength and ability.
30:05In my opinion, nobody better fits that definition than Mr. Happy Folger.
30:17Mr. Folger, it's an honor to shake your hand and give you this award.
30:20You're a Bill Clinton kind of hero.
30:22Thank you, Mr. President.
30:30Although I never thought of myself as a hero.
30:34Isn't he humble?
30:35Mr. Folger, why don't you tell all of America your heroic story in your own words?
30:40All right.
30:41Let me begin by saying I wanted to live very badly.
30:53When the iceberg hit, I was having group sex with a couple of dirty Irish girls from Steerage.
30:58There was a buck-toothed, mustachioed one named Daphna and her drooling, half-whip cousin, Finula.
31:05Finula.
31:06Yes.
31:07Now, I was just about to blow my baby batter into Finula's putrid mic uterus.
31:13Then suddenly, crash, pandemonium broke out.
31:16And remember, I wanted to live very badly.
31:19So I grabbed a bottle of Guinness and I threw it under the girls' crab-infested mattress.
31:25And while the two naked, potato-eating drunkards fought over that booze like two cats in a bag,
31:30I put on one of their filthy Nick housecoats, scurried up to the upper deck,
31:35and in a high falsetto voice, joined in the chorus of,
31:38Women and children fast!
31:40Women and children fast!
31:41All right.
31:41Thank you very much, Mr. Folger.
31:43You're an American kid.
31:43Wait, Mr. President.
31:44There's more.
31:45Now, remember, I wanted to live very badly.
31:49Before I could get to the lifeboats, a greasy-haired Italian steward stopped me with his meaty-wap hand.
31:57So operating on pure instinct, I asked him,
32:01Quickly, Guido, what's two plus two?
32:03And while the simple-minded spaghetti sucker struggled with the answer,
32:07I grabbed his flare gun and shot him in his guinea face,
32:11watching it melt like candle wax.
32:13All right.
32:13Thank you very much.
32:14Now, pictures, please.
32:15Wait, Mr. President.
32:16There's more.
32:16Please remember, I wanted to live very badly.
32:22There was an old crippled German woman in a wheelchair who grabbed my arm, begging me for assistance.
32:28And it was at this moment that I performed my single act of mercy.
32:33So I snapped her kraut neck like it was an old chicken boat.
32:37And I used her dead body in a wheelchair as a battering ram through the crowd.
32:42I needed to find something, anything that would float.
32:45And it was at that time that I spotted one of the fattest orphan babies I could...
32:49And now, a MADtv classic.
33:02I'm a busy executive with no time on my hands.
33:05And I constantly find myself wanting to listen to Gangsta Rap and Barbershop Quartet.
33:09I wish somebody would come up with a way for me to listen to both at the same time.
33:14Well, now someone has.
33:15What?
33:16Spishak Records presents the music you've all been waiting for.
33:20All right.
33:21Yes, it's the Gangsta Shop Quartet singing all the classics.
33:24We're all in it, cause we ain't done no killing lately.
33:31But then I wanna be...
33:34To get my stank home from me.
33:38Home from me.
33:41Gonna get my cat, gonna bust a cat, rat-a-tat-tat.
33:45Rat-a-tat-tat.
33:47I'm gonna get my cat, gonna bust a cat, rat-a-tat-tat.
33:51Rat-a-tat-tat.
33:52Teenage Widow, Crack Baby Please, Notorious DOA, Sex and Alexis, Negro Please, Ninth Great Cat, Gin and Jews, Ho Attack, and the classic, Got My Third Strike.
34:04Poor thanks today, what can I say?
34:08I'm afraid they're gonna lock me away.
34:14Got my third strike, got it last night, in a drive-by massacre.
34:18Now they're all dead, simple shots to the head, it all happened in a blur.
34:24What happened?
34:25I sure like killing, now I'll be earning.
34:30Cause my third strike landed me in jail.
34:34Romantic classics like No Vaseline, Big Booty Ho, He's Nuts, Bitch Slap Party, Up In Ya, America's Most Addicted, Rice Patty Fatty, Junkie But Funky, Back to Nam Sam, Head Full of Lead.
34:47Or if you're in the mood for a little fun, how about Give Up That Car?
34:50You're the cutest by far, but one thing's for sure, you're gonna die, if you don't give up that car.
35:05Booyah.
35:07Timeless classics to enjoy with that special someone, or for when the whole gang is over.
35:12Don't you give me no sass, I'll bust a cap in your ass.
35:15No, you better have my money, cause you know I own that honey.
35:18And her booty is on loan.
35:22I may sound crazy, but her booty I do.
35:28Yes, I do loan.
35:31It's another gangster party from the Gangster Shop Quartet from Spishak Records.
35:36Act now and you'll get over 400 songs on 4 CDs for the amazing price of about $4.99.
35:41Send your money today to this address.
35:51It's like this dog's eyes are following me.
35:55Say, look here, Prez, smack it up, flip it, rub it down, give me my money, ho.
36:01Good love, I ain't seen this many white people since the Jackson Family Reunion.
36:19Oh, hello, welcome to Vag Associates, Obie Gynie.
36:25Aren't you Alison King?
36:28Yes, I'm here for 3 o'clock with Dr. Babineau.
36:31It's me, Trina Moss.
36:33Oh, my God, from Linfield High.
36:36Yeah.
36:36I don't believe it.
36:38Well, I don't have to ask what you've been up to.
36:41Yeah, actually, this will be my fifth.
36:44Five children, aren't you friends?
36:50Sometimes I think it's a curse.
36:52Curse?
36:52Yeah.
36:53How about you?
36:56Do you have any kids?
36:57Oh, well...
36:58I have my baby.
37:04Yeah, her name's Kitty.
37:06She's real special.
37:08Not just because of her urological disorder so much, but because of her ability to make
37:13people smile, huh?
37:16See?
37:18So is she your only child?
37:20Well, not unless you count these, my precious mom's figurines.
37:23Oh, you've got every single one there.
37:26Well, except for one.
37:29Kitty and I went down to the Hallmark store this past Mother's Day, went to get a new figure
37:34in.
37:35Of course, then Kitty's hind legs collapsed because of her bone disorder.
37:39So I dropped it, it's shattering it.
37:44But I can't get mad at Kitty, because she's all I've got.
37:52So, five children.
37:55Uh, I heard that you got married, you and Timothy Sweeney.
37:59Oh, and now is...
38:01This is her real happy marriage.
38:04Garth McTimothy left me, because of my condition.
38:12I often think that Barron is just too pretty to work for some hideous abnormality.
38:22And Barron...
38:23Oh, no.
38:25I'll tell you, kids are so much work.
38:28I mean, some days I just wake up, I want to pitch them out the window.
38:31Well, I'll tell you, if I was pregnant with a hippo, I'd have it.
38:34Oh, but you've got your figurines.
38:36I mean, look at this one.
38:37He's cuter than my youngest.
38:38You don't have to try and cheer me up.
38:41Because when I'm feeling blue, I just go down to the Hallmark store.
38:46And I pick out a new Windows card, and I read it out loud to myself.
38:51Cheer up, Chipper Monkey.
38:54There's balloons in the future.
38:59Just, no babies.
39:00Alice and King.
39:04Oh, thank God.
39:05That's me.
39:06Okay.
39:11I could watch the baby for you while you're in there.
39:15I'd make it much easier.
39:16We could play with the figurines and cards.
39:20She even looks like me.
39:23Oh, don't you want to just be close to my heart?
39:26And I'll keep you warm until she takes you back for me.
39:30And then she'll be in your custody again.
39:32Oh, please.
39:33Please.
39:34And then...
39:36Let me think.
39:39Um, no.
39:45Luke!
39:50No, that's fine.
39:51That's just fine.
39:53Okay.
39:54Sure.
39:55Come here, Kitty.
39:57Oh, looks like it's just you and me and a circle of fun.
40:02It's time for a little snack, isn't it?
40:24Oh, no.
40:25Oh, no.
40:27Oh, no.
40:28Oh, no.
40:28Oh, no.
40:28Oh, no.
40:30Oh, no.
40:31Oh, no.
40:31Oh, no.
40:31Oh, no.
40:31Oh, no.
40:32You are me.
40:48You are me.
40:53You are me.
40:59Alright!
41:02Let me ask you something.
41:05Let me ask you something.
41:07Let me ask you something.
41:08Since the audience at home can't respond, you're going to have to respond for them.
41:11Was this a hell of a show?
41:12Was this a hell of a show?
41:15We tune in next week!
41:17Thank you, God bless, and good night!
41:32Though I wear.
41:33Draw what I worry.
41:35Come on.
41:36Help me.
41:38We've been waiting for you.
41:42We've been waiting for you for a few minutes for a while.
41:47We've been waiting for you when the fans go around to the market.
41:50Move into the market.
41:54Get ready to go.
41:57Boy, I'm chilling.
42:06My nipples are hot.
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