- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 4
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00You are now watching MADtv.
00:04MAD!
00:06Before it happens, you get it here on News at Six,
00:10LA's top news team with Miguel O'Reilly and Diane Lawyer-Trabajo.
00:14Good evening, I'm Miguel O'Reilly.
00:16And I'm Diane Lawyer-Trabajo.
00:18In a strange turn from the past few months,
00:20the New York Stock Exchange plummeted over 1,000 points today.
00:24But in a breaking news story, we go to Diane.
00:26Thank you, Miguel.
00:27Within the past two hours, we have had two reports of wind here in the Southland.
00:32Let's go straight to our News Center Six meteorologist, Chance Cumulus, for more on this.
00:37Chance, how bad is the wind?
00:39Diane, we've had 11 to 15 mile-an-hour gusts reported.
00:43Nobody saw this one coming.
00:45Wow, that's a lot of wind, isn't it?
00:47Yes, it certainly is.
00:48Thank you for that report, Chance.
00:50And for those of you just tuning in,
00:52Windstorm 97...
00:54Windstorm 97...
00:55Has hit the Southland, and we...
00:58Oh, hold on a minute now.
01:00Okay.
01:00Okay, yes.
01:01I've just received word that Sue Napersville is out in the field.
01:05Sue?
01:06Sue!
01:07Do we have her?
01:07Do we have...
01:08We got...
01:08Okay, the wind seems to have affected our...
01:11Diane!
01:11Okay, yes, Sue?
01:12Diane!
01:13Sue?
01:14Are you there?
01:14Can you hear me?
01:15Oh, yes, can...
01:16Can Sue hear me?
01:17I...
01:18Diane, yes!
01:19Okay, Sue, go ahead.
01:19Sue, Sue, Sue...
01:20Can you hear me?
01:21Yes, Sue, what's going on out there?
01:24Wind.
01:25Wow, yeah, that's scary.
01:28Just to clarify, are we dealing with a gusty type of wind or a constant wind?
01:34Well, Miguel, there's a gusty wind, and yet it's also constant.
01:39I guess you could say it's kind of a gustiness that remains constant.
01:44Sue, is this the kind of wind that will blow things over?
01:49Well, Diane, nothing has blown over yet, but history has shown us that wind is dangerous.
01:55It can blow, and things will move.
01:59Sue, I'm sure the viewers at home are wondering what I'm wondering right now.
02:03Could these high winds blow the killer bees directly into our backyards?
02:09Yes, Diane, it is possible.
02:11This is exactly the type of climate they thrive on.
02:13Ooh, that is bad news, boy, isn't it?
02:16Wow, that is scary stuff.
02:16Yes, it is.
02:16Yes, it is.
02:17It really is.
02:17It's just frightening.
02:17Don't put on a mask tonight.
02:19No.
02:19You know, if you've just tuned in, we are talking about Windstorm 97.
02:25Windstorm 97.
02:27Sue, I understand you have someone out there in the field with you.
02:30Is that right?
02:30Yes, I do, Miguel.
02:32This is Rosa Marticorena.
02:34Could you please step forward here?
02:36Could you please describe what horrible ordeal has happened to you?
02:41Yes, I was standing across from a spanker when all of a sudden the wind blew the water from the spanker on my shield.
02:52And as you can see, Diane, Miguel, a visible water stain is there.
02:59Brad, you hate to see that.
03:01Don't I know it, Diane.
03:02I've been wet before, and you know, it's times like those that you really cherish your children.
03:07Windstorm 97.
03:09Now, just to clarify, Chance, could these high winds blow the killer bees out of our backyards and into our garages?
03:18Diane, with bees and with wind, anything is possible.
03:22I've got to tell you, tonight is not the night to buy a lottery ticket.
03:25And how?
03:26Oh, excuse me, Miguel, I believe we have Sue back in the field.
03:29Sue?
03:29Diane?
03:30Sue, can you hear me?
03:31Diane, can you hear me?
03:32Go ahead, Sue.
03:33Sue?
03:34Diane?
03:35Okay, okay, do we have, okay, Sue?
03:37Diane!
03:38Yes, what's going on out there, Sue?
03:40Diane, this wrapper was not here just a moment ago.
03:45Apparently, it must have blown you.
03:47Oh, my God.
03:50Windstorm 97.
03:52You know, Sue, maybe you should get out of there.
03:54But first, Sue, let me throw a question at you.
03:57Sue, could these high winds blow the killer bees out of our garages and into our bathrooms?
04:02Where?
04:03They could lay eggs in our ears and eventually burrow into our brains.
04:08Diane, I'm sorry.
04:09I think...
04:10Oh.
04:10Breaking...
04:11Okay.
04:11Oh, you know what?
04:12Have we lost her?
04:13Charlie?
04:14Yes, we've lost visual contact with Sue.
04:16Yes, okay.
04:17I hope she's all right.
04:18I am.
04:18Diane!
04:18Yes!
04:19Yes, we are, Sue.
04:21Yes, thank you.
04:23Sue, let me ask you a quick question.
04:25When the wind hits the bees, do they panic?
04:28Do we think...
04:28Excuse me, Diane.
04:29I am sorry to break in, but we have just received word.
04:33The President of the United States has been assassinated.
04:36Anyway, when we return, we'll have our continuing exclusive coverage of Windstorm 97.
04:45Windstorm 97.
04:47Also, when we return, you'll hear the actual 911 call of the first person to report the wind.
04:53Have you heard it yet, Diane?
04:54No, I haven't, but I understand it's harrowing.
04:56It is just one of the many stories to come out of Windstorm 97, folks.
05:02Windstorm 97.
05:03And don't miss News at 6 at 11 with Beesworn 97.
05:10And don't miss News at 6 at 11 with Beesworn 97.
05:13And don't miss News at 6 at 11 with Beesworn 97.
05:18Tonight on MADtv, Billy Bob Thornton.
05:47The UBS guy and special guest Jennifer Love Hewitt.
05:51You are now watching MADtv.
05:53MADtv.
05:54Yeah!
05:55MADtv!
05:56Woo!
05:57All right, all right, all right!
06:00Okay, welcome to MADtv.
06:01This is not Motocross World Weekly, which is probably what you think by my outfit, but it's not that.
06:11I am wearing underwear, and if you at home aren't, put some on, because you're going to need it later.
06:18This is the fourth episode of the 50th season, and we can't believe it.
06:25So enjoy yourselves and POD on!
06:26MADtv.
06:27Yeah!
06:28Put some on, because you're going to need it later.
06:31This is the fourth episode of the 50th season,
06:34and we can't believe it.
06:36So enjoy yourselves, and pod on!
06:58You are now watching M.A.T.V.
07:03M.A.T.V.
07:05Coming this Christmas from 20th Century Fox.
07:09Is it true the aliens have threatened to destroy Earth unless we surrender?
07:14Let's just say we've received some very disturbing transmissions.
07:18The aliens have arrived.
07:20Mr. President! Mr. President!
07:22All right, all right, all right, just calm down.
07:25As you know, we face a very grave situation here.
07:29There's only one man who can save us.
07:33Reckon you fellers are talking about me?
07:37I give you Sling Blade.
07:39Billy Bob is back.
07:41Sling Blade, will you be flying into space to kill the aliens?
07:45I don't reckon I got no reason to kill nobody.
07:48Yes, hopefully that won't be necessary.
07:50We're hoping that Sling Blade will bond with the aliens,
07:53but I'm proud of the way he did with that little boy in that movie.
07:56Which you weren't fabulous in, by the way.
08:00That whole french fried potatoes thing was hysterical.
08:02Oh, that was a hoot.
08:03And you know who else was good?
08:04Dwight Yoakam.
08:05He really surprised.
08:06Oh, oh, oh, oh!
08:07Rebo, focus.
08:08Focus.
08:09Sling Blade.
08:10It's up to you.
08:12What if them little fellers end up being the whole sight meaner than they oughter be?
08:17Well then, we'll just have to play hardball.
08:22What happens when you take the low key charm of Sling Blade
08:26and pump it full of $160 million worth of kick-ass action?
08:30Reckon you alien fellers have got it coming.
08:33I reckon I gotta kill you.
08:35James Cameron's Sling Blade 2.
08:38The Reckoning.
08:40Billy Bob Thornton is a one-man alien wrecking crew.
08:43But when he needs help, he turns to John Ritter as Bond.
08:47Okay.
08:49Back off, you monsters.
08:52I'm warning you, I've had some sangria,
08:54and I'm feeling a little emotional right now.
08:56Also starring Jennifer Aniston in the role Sigourney Weaver turned down.
09:02Oof!
09:03You barbarian!
09:05We came in peace, and then you, you destroyed our people!
09:09I, no!
09:10You killed my father!
09:12Oh!
09:13Oh, God, I hate you!
09:14I hate you!
09:15I hate you!
09:16I hate you!
09:17I hate...
09:18Hey...
09:19Hey...
09:20You...
09:26Sling Blade, how do you feel?
09:33Reckon I could use another six or eight cans of that potted meat if you got any extra.
09:39Oh, Sling Blade.
09:42I like the way you talk.
09:45I like the way you talk.
09:49Some call it the complete bastardization of an intelligent little independent film.
09:54We call it Sling Blade 2.
09:56Reckon you ought to hurry up!
09:58I'm running out of plasma charges!
10:00Well, is it...
10:01Is...
10:02Is it red to green or green to...
10:03I'm...
10:04I'm sorry.
10:05This is simply not my forte!
10:06If you leave out of here, save your tail!
10:09No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
10:11We stick it to...
10:12Together!
10:13Besides, I'm...
10:14I'm having your baby!
10:16You doubt that very much.
10:18Oof!
10:19No, Sling Blades, baby!
10:20I'm having Sling Blades!
10:21Maybe.
10:22Oof!
10:23Reckon, I want to put my arms around you too for a minute.
10:27Oof!
10:28Oof!
10:29Oof!
10:30Sling Blade 2.
10:31The Reckoning.
10:32Carl's back.
10:33And this time, he's got a budget.
10:36Hasta la vista, baby!
10:38The Reckoning!
10:39All right, it's really simple, all right?
10:42It was a robbery.
10:43Right.
10:44The place was held out.
10:45Okay.
10:46It was a robbery.
10:47Yeah.
10:48The place was robbed.
10:49I got it.
10:50All right.
10:51But an eyewitness here says she saw the whole thing.
10:53Okay.
10:54Just take down the description.
10:55I want a sketch of this guy up around the neighborhood within the hour.
10:57Okay?
10:58You're lucky.
10:59For your first job, this is an easy one.
11:00All right.
11:01Thanks a lot, detective.
11:02Okay.
11:03Mr. Swan.
11:04I'm Officer Tamarind.
11:06I need to get a description from you, and it's only going to take us a few minutes.
11:09All righty?
11:10I saw everything.
11:11Okay.
11:12Oh, great.
11:14Great.
11:15Can you describe the perpetrator to me, ma'am?
11:18Yeah.
11:19He looked like a man.
11:24Okay.
11:25He was a man.
11:26Okay.
11:27Everything I tell you I saw.
11:28Good.
11:29Good.
11:30Was he a tall man or a short man?
11:32Yeah.
11:33No.
11:34Yes, he was a tall man, and no, he wasn't a short man?
11:38No.
11:39Yeah.
11:40Everything I saw.
11:41Everything.
11:42Okay.
11:43Okay.
11:44I mean the man who robbed this place today.
11:46Yeah.
11:47Okay.
11:48What did he look like?
11:49Yeah.
11:50Okay.
11:51He looked like a man.
11:54Okay.
11:55But what did his face look like?
11:56Yeah.
11:57Everything.
11:58I tell you.
11:59Everything.
12:00What do you mean?
12:01Yes, I understand that.
12:02Yeah.
12:03But I need you to describe the man who was here earlier.
12:05Okay.
12:06Okay.
12:07Man here before.
12:08Yes, yes.
12:09Okay.
12:10Okay.
12:11He looked like a man.
12:14Yeah.
12:15Details.
12:16I need details.
12:18Okay.
12:19Detail.
12:20You know, say detail before.
12:21Okay.
12:22Okay.
12:23Okay.
12:24I stand corrected.
12:25Okay.
12:26Okay.
12:27Now this man, he looked like a man.
12:29Okay.
12:36Did he have long hair or short hair?
12:39Yeah.
12:40Okay.
12:41You know.
12:42Like a man, he hair.
12:43Okay.
12:44Yeah, but was it long?
12:45Was it long or short?
12:47Yeah, empty.
12:48I tell you.
12:50Was the man dark?
12:53Was he dark or light?
12:54Yeah, dark or light.
12:55Yeah.
12:56Did he have skin like mine?
13:00Okay.
13:01Or like a black man?
13:02Yeah, okay.
13:03Black like me.
13:04Black like you.
13:05Okay.
13:06Black like me.
13:07Okay.
13:08Black like me.
13:09Please.
13:10Ma'am, I have to get this description.
13:13Okay.
13:14I'll show you.
13:15I'll show you.
13:16Okay.
13:17Okay.
13:18Hey, man, he come in here.
13:19Gorgeous, pretty, booty, nice and all.
13:20He come in here.
13:21Okay.
13:22Okay.
13:23He go, you give him money.
13:24You give him money.
13:25I say, okay, I give him money.
13:26He go, money go.
13:27He drove a U-Haul.
13:28Okay.
13:29He drove a U-Haul?
13:30Yeah.
13:31You saw him drive away?
13:33Yeah.
13:34I tell you, yeah.
13:35This is great.
13:36Okay.
13:37Now, did you see the license plate?
13:38Yeah.
13:39I tell you everything.
13:40I saw everything.
13:42Okay.
13:43But what was the license number?
13:44Do you remember?
13:45Yeah.
13:46Many numbers.
13:47All together numbers.
13:48Okay.
13:49Okay.
13:50Okay.
13:51But what was the sequence?
13:52You know, the order.
13:53Okay.
13:54Was it like one, two, three, four?
13:55Yeah.
13:56All of them.
13:57All number.
13:58All together.
13:59All right, lady.
14:01We're gonna take it from the beginning.
14:03Okay.
14:04I'll tell you everything.
14:06So you've said!
14:12Okay.
14:13Now.
14:14Sorry.
14:15I need you to think back.
14:18Okay.
14:19And I want you to take your time.
14:21Okay.
14:22I just want one, one, tiny detail about the man who robbed you.
14:29Okay.
14:30You understand?
14:31Yeah.
14:32One.
14:33Okay.
14:34Okay.
14:35Okay.
14:36Okay.
14:37Okay.
14:38Okay.
14:39Okay.
14:40Yeah.
14:41Okay.
14:42Okay.
14:43Okay.
14:44I'll tell you.
14:45Okay.
14:46Okay.
14:47He...
14:48Look at that man.
14:49Oh, my son!
14:50Will Officer Tamarin get the description he so desperately needs out of this lone eyewitness?
14:55Stay tuned when MADtv returns.
14:57Like every woman got two sides to me.
15:04The blue side.
15:05It's about love.
15:06And the purple side.
15:07Wow!
15:08I feel like vice versa.
15:09I don't have eyes behind my head, you know?
15:11MAD!
15:12You are now watching MADtv!
15:16MAD!
15:18We now return to Officer Tamarin's quest for a description.
15:23Was it a big man or a little man?
15:29Was it a big man or a little man?
15:32Yeah.
15:33He looked like a man.
15:34Yeah.
15:35How big was he?
15:36Just tell me how big this son of a bitch was.
15:40So help me God, I'll blow my brains out!
15:45Okay.
15:46Okay.
15:47You calm down.
15:48Okay.
15:49I'll tell you everything.
15:50Okay.
15:51Now come on.
15:52To you.
15:53He looks...
15:54No.
15:55Okay.
15:56Yeah.
15:57He looks like a man.
15:58Oh!
15:59He looking like a man!
16:00Yeah!
16:01He looking like a man!
16:02Yeah!
16:03He looking like a man!
16:04Hey!
16:05I looking like a man!
16:06Okay.
16:07I looking like a man!
16:08Okay.
16:09Man!
16:10Yeah.
16:11Man!
16:12Yeah.
16:13Yeah.
16:14Okay.
16:15Oh man!
16:16There's a man!
16:17Okay.
16:18You know...
16:19Tell me something I don't know!
16:20Stop!
16:22No!
16:23No!
16:24Stop!
16:25You fucking out!
16:27I'm laughing!
16:28No!
16:29This is a special report from News at Six...
16:33Hi, I'm Diane Lawyer-Trabajo with 6 at 11.
16:36I'm here at the gorgeous, pretty beauty nail salon where, earlier tonight, a rookie police
16:41officer apparently went berserk and ran out of the store where I'm standing into the street
16:47and shot several passers-by.
16:51Strangely enough, all of them men.
16:54Now, I am with the only person who police say is the only eyewitness to this incident.
17:00Ma'am, can you tell us what happened?
17:02I saw everything.
17:03I tell you, he look like a man.
17:07Okay.
17:08Can you describe this man for us?
17:10Yeah, I tell you, everything like a man.
17:12He look like a man.
17:14You can't.
17:16Can you describe this man for us?
17:18Okay, I tell you, he look like a man, you know?
17:23Okay.
17:24Maybe you don't understand me so good.
17:26Okay.
17:27I said, can you describe this man for us?
17:29I understand.
17:30You no listen.
17:31No.
17:33It's a man.
17:34I said, you can.
17:35Can you describe this man?
17:37I love a new guy from the man.
17:39I love a new guy from the man.
17:41I love a new guy.
17:42You can describe this man.
17:45Last year, over two million pounds of contraband were seized by U.S. customs agents.
17:50This is another case from the files of real stories of U.S. customs.
17:55Sir, you were right.
17:56I did an anal cavity search on this guy, and I didn't find any drugs, but I did find this guy.
18:02Why am I not surprised?
18:04Because you've seen it all, sir.
18:06That I have, son, that I have.
18:07So, did you do an anal cavity search on this new guy?
18:12Uh, uh, no, sir, I didn't think...
18:14You didn't think!
18:16Why don't we just leave it at that, hmm?
18:17Come on, buddy.
18:19What are we, Nick?
18:20The first line of defense, sir.
18:22Make me proud.
18:23Yes, sir.
18:26Yes, several gallons of petroleum jelly. Thank you.
18:29So, what'd you find, Nick?
18:32You mean besides the motorcycle, sir?
18:34Yes, besides the motorcycle.
18:37Nothing pertinent to this investigation.
18:40Nick?
18:42He had my wallet, sir.
18:43Well, I bet you two think you're pretty slick, don't you?
18:50Well, you are dealing with the U.S. Customs Service.
18:54We're going to plan B, Nick.
18:56Full anal cavity searches, sir?
18:58Full anal cavity searches.
19:01Get it going!
19:02I am gone, sir.
19:03Let's go.
19:04Sir, this time I'll find everything.
19:07You better go.
19:08What do you mean, escaped?
19:10Captain, I turned my back on him for like two seconds and bam, he was gone.
19:14And there's no way he could have gotten out of the room.
19:16No way, sir.
19:16No way.
19:16It's like he just vanished.
19:17All I did was try to get...
19:19Okay, Nick.
19:21What I'm about to say here may sound a little crazy, but I want you to stay with me.
19:24Sure.
19:24Sir, I want you to do another anal cavity search on this guy.
19:33Sir, you mean to tell me that you think this guy...
19:35Humor me.
19:36You are the man, sir.
19:38Yes, I am.
19:43You try a stunt like that again, and it'll be years before you see daylight.
19:47Do you read me?
19:47Ha ha.
19:54Very funny.
19:56All right, which one of you two jokers has my desk?
20:00Nick?
20:05Don't just stand there.
20:06No laughing.
20:07Nick?
20:08Yes, sir?
20:09This is not my desk.
20:13Sorry, sir.
20:13It was the first one I grabbed.
20:16Where is my desk?
20:17There is no desk here.
20:23Oh!
20:27Don't tell me.
20:28They've got a gun, sir.
20:30How did they get a gun, Nick?
20:32It's my backup piece.
20:33I forgot it was in there.
20:34Sloppy, Nick.
20:34Very sloppy.
20:37They say they want a plane fueled and ready to go in one hour, sir.
20:40We don't do deals.
20:42We don't do deals.
20:46They said that was just a warning shot, sir.
20:47The next one's for real.
20:50I don't want to die.
20:52Calm down, son.
20:54Nobody is going to die here.
20:55I think I'm going to die here, sir.
20:57No, you're not.
20:59They can't kill you, because if they do, we perform a quick autopsy and this whole thing
21:02is over.
21:03They know that, and if they didn't, well, they do now.
21:07So here's how this is going to go, Nick.
21:09I'm going to assign a team of crack sharpshooters to you.
21:12Those guys can't stay in there forever, so they either surrender or they get one between
21:16the eyes.
21:18Thank you, sir.
21:19And, sir, I think I've learned a valuable lesson here today.
21:24Something about guys in your butt?
21:26Yes, sir.
21:27Something about guys in my butt.
21:29The story you have just seen is painfully true.
21:41The two suspects were eventually apprehended, posed down, and placed in custody.
21:47Cover it up.
21:47Coming up next on Mad TV, please give a funky, walking, dirty, talking welcome to Jennifer
21:54Love, too.
21:55And this is the president of UBS.
21:58John Harris.
21:58He's a son of a bitch who can kiss my ass.
22:00In your face!
22:02What more proof do you need?
22:03What a scam.
22:05Oh!
22:06May!
22:07You are now watching Mad TV.
22:14Hmm.
22:15All right.
22:16I'd like to try something, Antonia.
22:20I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head.
22:26Okay?
22:28Yeah.
22:30Okay.
22:32Rainbow.
22:33Rainbow.
22:36Yes, that is the first word.
22:38Rainbow.
22:39Okay?
22:40Now, I say rainbow, and you say...
22:43Rainbow.
22:43Rainbow.
22:46Okay, maybe I'm not being clear here.
22:48See, this is something called word association.
22:51And the idea is that I will say a word, and that makes you think of a different word.
22:57You understand?
22:58Yes.
23:00Okay.
23:01New word.
23:03Man.
23:05Rainbow.
23:05Rainbow.
23:08Are you sure you're not just saying rainbow because that was our first word?
23:11It is possible.
23:15Okay.
23:15Um...
23:16Let's try this again.
23:18This time with a completely different word.
23:21And I'm going to say this word, and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your mind other than rainbow.
23:26Okay?
23:26It can't be rainbow or man.
23:29Do you understand?
23:31Okay.
23:33Okay.
23:35Anger.
23:36Rain...
23:37Rain...
23:38Rain...
23:40Rain...
23:41Were you about to say rainbow?
23:46Yes.
23:48Mm-hmm.
23:50Okay, you know what?
23:52Why don't we try something a little less, uh, verbal?
23:54What I'm going to do now is a visualization exercise.
24:01I think it'll be a good way to help get inside your subconscious.
24:05Now, I want you to close your eyes.
24:07All right?
24:08Now, imagine you're at a funeral.
24:11All right?
24:12Now, look around.
24:13What do you see?
24:15A desk.
24:16A desk.
24:17Okay, that's very interesting.
24:18All right.
24:19Now, take a look at this desk.
24:21Do you see anything on it?
24:23A book.
24:25Okay.
24:26Very interesting.
24:27Very, very interesting.
24:28Now, keep your eyes closed.
24:30Open your mind.
24:32Let your mind see what is written on that book.
24:36What is it, Antonia?
24:37The clinical treatment for Natrae syndrome.
24:39Hmm.
24:46Are you thinking of a funeral?
24:48Yes.
24:49Mm-hmm.
24:49And how many people are at this funeral?
24:51One.
24:53Counting yourself?
24:54Two.
24:54Two.
24:56Do you see any dead bodies at this funeral, Antonia?
25:01No.
25:03You're not really thinking of a funeral, are you?
25:06No.
25:07You don't even know why you're here, do you?
25:09No.
25:11Fantastic.
25:12This is just phenomenal.
25:18Ah, would you look at that of all the luck.
25:20Well, I guess we'll just have to reschedule for some time after the fire.
25:24Okay.
25:25Well, you will have to go now, because we don't want to get burned.
25:28No, sir.
25:29Fire.
25:30Are you coming?
25:31Yes.
25:39Fire!
25:40Rainbow!
25:41Spishak wants to know if you're ready for the Spishak Cola Taste Challenge.
25:57Hi there, Taste Challenge.
25:58Do you drink soda?
25:59Hello?
25:59Hello?
26:00This one.
26:14Okay.
26:15Well, you didn't pick our Spishak.
26:17What'd you think of it?
26:18Oh, I like this one better.
26:20I understand that.
26:21I'm just wondering what you thought of Spishak.
26:24I like this one a lot better.
26:26Fair enough.
26:27But what if I were to tell you Spishak costs half as much?
26:30Half as much?
26:30Half as much!
26:33I'd still pick this one.
26:34But it's something to think about, right?
26:38I don't know.
26:40I guess so.
26:41Yes!
26:43Spishak Cola.
26:43We're the new guys on the block.
26:45Hi, I'm Jennifer Love Hewitt, and there's something which really been driving me crazy.
26:52Jennifer Love Hewitt.
26:54Will Sasso.
26:56Jennifer Love Hewitt.
26:58Will Sasso.
27:00Jennifer Love Hewitt.
27:02Will Sasso.
27:04I hope that clears everything up.
27:08Did you know that your mouth has over 10,000 taste buds?
27:12Lucky for you, we consulted every one of them.
27:14And you know what they told us?
27:16We don't want this low-fat turkey Tetz Rossini Krapola.
27:19We want a big, fat Boston cream pie.
27:22Well, now you can be nice to your taste buds with the new dinner delights from Lean Bull Lean.
27:27Gorge yourself on German chocolate cake.
27:30Delight in chicken fried steak.
27:32And be nice to your waistline, too.
27:33Because all of these dinners are low in calories.
27:36How low?
27:37Well, zero's a pretty good number, isn't it?
27:39That's because Lean Bull Lean's secret ingredient, syrup of epicac, won't let you hold on to any of these meals for too long.
27:47You'll be rushing to the purge pit right after the last bite.
27:50Mmm.
27:50Tastes just as good coming up as it did going down.
27:53New dinner delights.
27:57It's not just Lean, it's Bull Lean.
28:00And don't worry about riding teeth or collapsing esophagus, because Lean Bull Lean comes with teeth guard and throat hose.
28:05No, Billy, I can't go out on Saturday night.
28:10I'm on TV.
28:13Say it!
28:14You are now watching the TV.
28:18May!
28:20August 1997.
28:22The U.S. economy is rocked by a crippling labor strike.
28:25Here's the real story of how this strike was ended.
28:29You're a son of a bitch and you can kiss my ass, Harris.
28:32Let's not call each other names, Kellerman.
28:35That's management's final offer, and you can take it, or you can stay on strike until we're both in diapers again.
28:41You are so out of touch.
28:44When was the last time you talked to one of your employees, huh?
28:47The common worker.
28:48Or are you afraid to talk to somebody who gets their hands dirty?
28:51Yeah, I'm shaking.
28:53Send him in.
28:56You're about to find out what makes this company work.
28:59Hey.
29:02You guys negotiating?
29:07Yeah.
29:07Hey, say uncle.
29:08Make me.
29:09You give.
29:09No way.
29:10I'm sure it might appear like that sometimes.
29:13Whoa.
29:14Cool boardroom.
29:15Right.
29:15Yes, it is.
29:16But let's get down to business.
29:17Totally, totally.
29:18Down to business.
29:18Okay, now as a man who's walking on the pickup line.
29:21Whoa.
29:21Your chairs have wheels.
29:22Huh.
29:22Wish we had this in the cafeteria.
29:25Yeah, right.
29:26That's exactly why I brought you here.
29:27He wants to hear your opinions on matters like that.
29:29Whoa, who's that guy?
29:30All right, that's the founder of UBS.
29:32Really?
29:32Huh.
29:33I always figured he'd have a head, you know?
29:35Why don't we all have a seat and start talking about this?
29:38Whoa.
29:39Cool view.
29:40Huh.
29:41I can see all my roots.
29:42Hey, there's a pickup line.
29:44Hey, Pete.
29:44Pete.
29:45Ow.
29:46Hey, Pete.
29:46Pete.
29:47All right, son.
29:48Pete.
29:48Son, just quiet down.
29:50Okay.
29:51Come here.
29:52What's your name?
29:53Jack.
29:55Jack, I'm Jerry Kellerman.
29:56I'm your union representative for the local 2,900.
29:59Right on.
30:00Solidarity.
30:01Fight the power.
30:03And this is the president of UBS.
30:05John Harris.
30:06He's a son of a bitch who can kiss my ass.
30:08Nice to meet you.
30:10Coincidence.
30:12Listen, Jack, the reason we brought you up here is he is interested in listening to what
30:15you fellas have to say.
30:17Oh, wow.
30:18That's great.
30:18That's totally cool.
30:19About what?
30:21To strike.
30:22What's the mood down there?
30:24What are the workers saying?
30:25Oh.
30:25UBS is unfair.
30:29Okay.
30:29Okay.
30:30Yeah.
30:30What else?
30:31Management is unfair.
30:33Our demands are fair.
30:36What about the demands, Jack?
30:37What about the dental plan?
30:39No cavities.
30:40Seems like a pretty satisfied worker there to me, Jerry.
30:42Thanks for bringing him up here.
30:44Hey, I could always use more money.
30:45Hey, how about that?
30:47Who couldn't use more money?
30:48Any idiot would have said that.
30:49No offense.
30:50None taken.
30:50Well, what about part-time workers cutting into your hours, huh?
30:54Oh.
30:55Last month, you've gotten new uniforms, new lockers, and better food in the cafeteria.
30:59Ooh, Rice Krispie squares.
31:01The trucks are unsafe.
31:03Mine totally needs a new hood.
31:04If you hadn't have knocked it down to a four-day work week, we wouldn't have been in this mess
31:07by now.
31:07Oh, don't cry poor to me.
31:09Oh, you'll cry more than poor when I break the union and get rid of everybody.
31:12I don't care what happens to these guys, but you're not going to make a fool out of me
31:15or the union.
31:16Hey, wait a minute.
31:17Wait a minute.
31:18I can't lose my job.
31:19Well, I mean, UBS is what I am, you know?
31:22I mean, I worked for this company my whole life.
31:24My dad worked for this company his whole life.
31:25Well, actually, it wasn't his whole life, you know, because he had another job before
31:28this one.
31:29You know, he needed experience to get the UBS job.
31:30I mean, you know how it is.
31:31You know, you say, hey, I need a job.
31:32And they're like, well, do you have any experience?
31:34And they're like, no, that's why I need a job, you know?
31:36But, you know, eventually he got a job, but it wasn't the job he wanted, you know?
31:39It was the job, you know, the job he wanted was the job here, you know?
31:41So, we lost as a team.
31:42You know, even though we lost, we lost as a team, you know?
31:45Like UBS, you know, it was a team effort, you know?
31:47You know, the next year we said, hey, let's all get together and win it, you know?
31:49But we didn't win it that year either, you know?
31:51Because, you know, the first season, you know, the, you know, that's when my dog died.
31:54I mean, he was so cute.
31:55I was kind of sad.
31:56You know, like, he was just like, run, run, run, run, you know?
31:58And he was like, hey, Scooter!
32:00And he was like, run, run, run, run, run, run, run to you, you know?
32:02You know?
32:02Then when it was about 10, we got another dog.
32:04I named him Scooter too, but it wasn't the same.
32:05He was like, hey, Scooter, you'd like to run a run, you know?
32:07What did he say?
32:08All right, that's enough, enough!
32:10We get it.
32:10Don't say another word.
32:11Don't move!
32:12Stand still, and we'll end the strike.
32:14Agreed?
32:15Hey, hey!
32:17Shake on the deal we've got.
32:18You got it.
32:20Now you can move.
32:21Woo-hoo!
32:22No more strike.
32:23Hey, good work, guys.
32:24You know, got these more strikes.
32:25You know, maybe I can help you out with those, too.
32:26You know?
32:31Hey, Pete, it worked.
32:33No more strike.
32:35Spishak wants to know if you're ready for the Spishak Cola Taste Challenge.
32:56Yeah, I like this one.
33:00You didn't pick our Spishak Cola.
33:02No, guess not.
33:03But you have to admit, Spishak tastes pretty good.
33:07I didn't really care for it.
33:08Come on, now.
33:09It's not that bad.
33:11Yeah, to me it is.
33:12But if Spishak was the only soft drink ever made, you know darn well you'd be drinking it.
33:17I'd probably just drink water.
33:19What if there was no water in the world?
33:22Then we'd all die.
33:24Our blood is 90% water.
33:26I mean, our muscles, our organs, our brain is 75% water.
33:29I mean, the human body as a whole is roughly 50% to 65% water.
33:34Okay, Mr. Science.
33:35And then let's say there's a big nuclear holocaust and everyone's dead except for you.
33:40And now all the liquids in the world were contaminated with radiation except the only liquid that wasn't contaminated was Spishak Cola.
33:46Why wouldn't the Spishak Cola be contaminated?
33:51I don't know.
33:51Maybe the aluminum can deflected the radiation.
33:55Since when does aluminum deflect radiation?
33:58Pretend!
33:58We're pretending here!
34:00All right, well, I guess in that case, I'd have no choice.
34:04Which means you'd...
34:06Have no choice.
34:08Right!
34:08So therefore, you'd have to...
34:12You'd have to drink...
34:16Something else.
34:18Which would be...
34:22Spishak Cola.
34:24Spishak Cola.
34:25We're the new guys on the block.
34:30You are now watching Mav TV.
34:34Mav!
34:38Foxy ladies and groove pigs.
34:41Give it up for the host of Funky Walker Dirty Talker.
34:44The ambassador of ads himself, Desperation Lee.
34:54I'm Desperation Lee.
34:57Welcome to Funky Walker Dirty Talker.
35:00Let's Walk Funky.
35:16Woo!
35:19Now, let's talk dirty.
35:22Get in close.
35:24Yeah, that's it.
35:26Baby, I wish I was Santa Claus.
35:29Just so as once a year I could slide down your chimney.
35:33Woo!
35:34Ow!
35:35Woo!
35:36Man, that's some fine dirty talk.
35:38All right.
35:40I'm very excited to rap with my guest on today's show.
35:43She's one of the stars of the upcoming motion picture spectacular,
35:46I know what you did last summer.
35:49Please give a funky walking, dirty talking welcome to Jennifer Love Hewitt.
36:00Woo!
36:01Woo-hoo!
36:02Girl, they ought to call your TV show Party of Funk.
36:06So, how's it going, Desperation?
36:10Well, I'm walking the walk and talking the talk.
36:13Tell me about this moving picture of yours that you have made here.
36:16Okay.
36:17It's called I Know What You Did Last Summer,
36:19and it's about four teenagers who accidentally kill a man
36:21and have to decide if they're going to keep it a secret between the four of them
36:24or if they're going to turn themselves in.
36:26Mm-mm.
36:27Now, that sounds funky.
36:28And not in a good way.
36:29Let's take a look.
36:41No, don't.
36:42Don't even.
36:42He was there, and he was wearing your jacket, Barry.
36:46Where'd he go?
36:48Did the crabs carry him away?
36:49I swear to God.
36:51I believe you, Julie.
36:53He took the body.
36:54He came in.
36:54He took the body.
36:55Why would he do that?
36:56I don't know.
36:57Barry, okay, why would he try to run you over?
37:00Why did he make coleslaw on Helen's head?
37:01He's with us.
37:02Come on, Julie.
37:03Let's go back to the house.
37:04Where's your jacket, Barry?
37:08Don't you see?
37:09He's got us now.
37:10Okay, this is exactly what he wants.
37:12We can't go to the police.
37:13Not now.
37:13He's made sure of that.
37:15He's just out there, and he's watching us and waiting.
37:17What are you waiting for, huh?
37:21Oh!
37:22You!
37:23Oh.
37:25We're on a...
37:26I tell you, that was one funky clip, man.
37:29That was just like...
37:30Uh-oh.
37:31Uh-oh.
37:33Look at that.
37:35Woo!
37:38Woo-hoo!
37:39Dang.
37:40I was about to funky walk straight out the door and right to the movie thing.
37:43Dang.
37:44Thank you very much.
37:45Okay, do we get to talk dirty now?
37:46Oh, yes, we do.
37:48Yeah?
37:48Come on, girl.
37:49Let's make it funky.
37:50Baby, I want to open up your icebox and make me a sandwich.
37:59Baby, I want to pick up some shoes and walk around in them.
38:04You in the neighborhood?
38:06Here, let me get another one.
38:08Baby, I'm going to slide open your window and let a little fresh air inside.
38:13Baby, I want to open your book and read for a couple of hours.
38:19Yeah!
38:22Baby, I'm going to get myself lost in the desert and not come out until I spend a little time
38:28in your oasis.
38:31All right.
38:32Baby, I want to go to a movie, get some popcorn, and have them put...
38:36Oh, all right.
38:39That's all the time we have on today's Funky Walking Deadly Talker.
38:42And it's a good thing, too, because it's getting hot up in here.
38:46Oh, a powerful thanks to my groovy guest, Jennifer Love Hewitt.
38:49Give me five.
38:50Oh, oh, oh, oh.
38:50On the blackhead side.
38:51There you go.
38:53Girl, when your movie opens up, I'm going to be right in your front row, if you know what
38:57I'm saying.
38:58Yes.
39:00Next week, my guest will be the funky pharaoh of physics, Dr. Stephen Hawking.
39:05Until then, look, let's walk funky.
39:09Okay.
39:28Spishak wants to know if you're ready for the Spishak Cola Taste Challenge.
39:33I don't know.
39:35Well, they're both really gross.
39:37In other words, you can't tell the difference between Spishak Cola and the ridiculously expensive
39:41name brand cola.
39:42I guess.
39:43I mean, they're both really crappy.
39:46Okay, I think you made your point.
39:48Anyway, yeah, you got to pick one.
39:51Well, if I have to, I guess, um, I pick that one.
39:56Oh, my God, yes.
39:59She picked the Spishak.
40:02Well, there you go, folks.
40:04The jury's in on this baby.
40:06Spishak Cola.
40:07Just as good as the big boys.
40:09Excuse me.
40:10They're both the same.
40:11In your face.
40:13What more proof do you need?
40:15What a scam.
40:17Oh.
40:17The proof's in, folks.
40:20Spishak Cola.
40:21It's the obvious choice.
40:23Spishak Cola.
40:25We're the new guys on the block.
40:26Thank you for tuning in.
40:50Remember, keep watching Mad TV.
40:52Bye, guys.
40:53Bye, guys.
40:56Bye, guys.
41:26Bye.
41:38See, we look like a man.
41:41He's look like a man.
41:43I aint lookin' like a man.
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