MADtv S04E21

Mad TV

Season 4 Episode 21  madtv reality playboy

Transcript

00:00Hi, hi, hi. Thank you, thank you.

00:24Hi, I'm Andrew Bowen. Welcome to MADtv.

00:28Tonight, we're going to do something a little different.

00:31I am going to randomly pick someone from the audience

00:34to come up here and open the show tonight.

00:37So, let me get some hands to see who would like to come up here and open the show tonight.

00:43How about you?

00:45Excuse me.

00:48I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

00:52Okay, hi. So, what's your name?

00:55I'm Lativa Khalifa, Sharifa Jackson.

01:05Wait, that's a great name. Does that mean anything?

01:09Yes, it's African, it means the first and the fifteenth.

01:15Hey, hold on, hold on.

01:18Hello?

01:22I saw your girl!

01:24Yeah, MADtv.

01:26I don't know if some fool in the street was giving out tickets, he gave me one.

01:30You know, Beneif, Beneif, we only have like a...

01:33I, I, I, I...

01:35Hang on.

01:36Can't you see I'm on my cell?

01:39Certainly do.

01:40But we only have a couple of seconds to open every show, so...

01:44Hang on, Sonya.

01:45That's not my problem.

01:46If you only had a couple of seconds, why'd you drag me up here?

01:48Don't be dragging nobody up here if you ain't got the time to budget.

01:52Looking like a Gap commercial reject.

01:58Sonya, I'm telling you, this white boy up here is working my nerve!

02:03I told you, MADtv.

02:06What?

02:07Oh, girl, no, you...

02:09Snoop is on a special edition of Moesha?

02:12Oh, girl, what the hell am I doing here?

02:16Girl, I'm on my way.

02:17I'm out of this cracker box.

02:18Where the exit?

02:19Uh, underneath the bleachers.

02:22Alright.

02:27Alright, I'm telling you right now.

02:28Get this out my face, I'm gonna hurt somebody!

02:31Oh, girl?

02:32Man!

02:33Uh, come on!

02:34Yeah!

02:35Yeah!

02:36Uh, come on!

02:37Come on!

02:38Man!

02:39Man!

02:40You're so

02:41Man!

02:42Crazy!

02:46Man!

02:47Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

02:50Man!

02:56Man!

02:57Man!

02:58You're so crazy.

03:02You got me gone.

03:13You are now watching the TV.

03:16Man!

03:19Another day, another dollar.

03:22See you Monday, Larry.

03:23Monday? Hold the phone.

03:25I thought you were going skiing with the gang this weekend.

03:28Ooh, no can't do.

03:29Blew all my money on phone sex, strip shows, and Vietnamese prostitutes.

03:32Man, are you still on that old scene?

03:34I kick my sex addiction for good, and so can you.

03:38But how?

03:38With Urge Away.

03:42Urge Away.

03:43Urge Away?

03:44What in the heck is that?

03:46It's the miraculous three-step program that will help you ease off your sex addiction once and for all.

03:52Yeah, but does it really work?

03:53Just listen to this satisfied customer.

03:56And I do mean satisfied, but not the way you're thinking.

04:00Huh?

04:00Just listen.

04:01Hey, look here, man. Don't boss me, all right?

04:06Hi. I'm Debra Wilson from Mad TV.

04:09You know, I used to have to pleasure myself 20, 30 times a day.

04:13But thanks to the Urge Away program, I'm down to 13.

04:17Thanks, Urge Away.

04:18All right. We will look good-looking.

04:25I didn't know that about Mad TV's Debra Wilson.

04:28Yeah, she's a whore.

04:29The point is, Dean, it works.

04:31And here's how.

04:33Phase one is the Urge Away gum.

04:34Each time you get the urge, grab a piece of this instead of grabbing a piece of that.

04:40Looks complicated.

04:42Go ahead, chew it.

04:42Yeah, all right, Mr. Bossy.

04:47Oh, oh.

04:49You see?

04:51Urge Away's patented formula rushes relief right to your genitalia,

04:54simulating an earth-shattering orgasm.

04:57Satisfied?

04:58Almost.

05:00Then you're ready for phase two.

05:03It's also gum, but it's cinnamon.

05:05Hey, you're right.

05:08It does taste like...

05:09It's gonna...

05:09Whoa!

05:12Now you're ready to move on to phase three.

05:14The patch!

05:16Oh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

05:17It fits right over your private hooliware.

05:20Providing hours of direct stimulation.

05:22Take it off!

05:22You can never watch sex again.

05:24Only available in stores, not to be used by pregnant or nursing mothers

05:37or while operating heavy equipment.

05:47You are dead!

05:49Oh, nice house.

05:56It's about time you invited me over.

05:58Yeah, well...

05:59I hope your parents aren't home.

06:01David, knock it off.

06:03My dad's right in the den.

06:04Besides, I just wanted to zip in here, get the lab book, and then we're out of here.

06:07What's he gonna do? Beat me up, huh?

06:09No, look.

06:12All right, I might as well tell you, okay?

06:13Here, have a seat.

06:16It's just that...

06:17Well, my dad is gay.

06:20So, I mean, as long as he keeps his freaking hands off of me, I don't care.

06:24You don't understand.

06:25You see, my gay dad always steals my boyfriends, even though they say they're straight,

06:29and they promise they won't fall for him, but they always do, every time,

06:33because he's so irresistible they can't help themselves.

06:36And I hate it!

06:37Coming this fall on the Family Channel.

06:40My gay dad always steals my boyfriends, even though they say they're straight.

06:44And promise me they won't fall for him, but they always do, every time.

06:49Because he's so irresistible they can't help themselves, and I hate it!

06:54I am 100% straight.

06:58Yeah, well, that's what they all say.

06:59And then before you know it, they're, like, sending my dad flowers,

07:02and calling the house, and hanging up when I answer the phone.

07:05You're talking to the captain of the football team.

07:07I can guarantee you I'm not gonna flip for some fruitcake.

07:11Okay.

07:12Oh, hi, honey.

07:13I didn't know you were home.

07:14Oh, hi, Dad.

07:15Whoa, look at that ass.

07:18Here it goes.

07:20I got three words for your dad.

07:22Babe-o-licious.

07:24I thought you said you were straight.

07:26Yeah, I am, but, I mean, you didn't tell me how hot your dad was.

07:30I mean, ugh, I could eat him up with a spoon.

07:33Tell me he's not seeing anybody.

07:35Tell me he's not seeing anybody.

07:36He's not.

07:37Tell me!

07:38David, I said he is not.

07:43Well, time to wash the old car.

07:44Oh, boy, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm, I'm, I'm Tiffany's dad.

07:48Hi, I'm, uh, I, I...

07:50David, your name is David.

07:52David, yes, David, hi.

07:53Nice to meet you, David.

07:54Oh, good grip.

07:56Thanks.

07:56Well, honey, I'll be outside if anyone calls.

08:01Well, maybe the next guy.

08:03Next week on...

08:04My day dad always steals my boyfriends

08:07even though they say they're straight.

08:09And promise me they won't fall for him

08:11but they always do every time.

08:13Because he's so irresistible

08:16they can't help themselves.

08:18And I hate it!

08:20Well, Greg, I think you and I

08:22are gonna work out just fine.

08:25Oh, hi, Dad.

08:26Hey, sweetie.

08:29Nice ass.

08:30Mr. Higgins, are you busy tonight?

08:32When do I get laid?

08:35My day dad always steals my boyfriends

08:38even though they say they're straight.

08:40And promise me they won't fall for him

08:42but they always do every time.

08:45Because he's so irresistible

08:47they can't help themselves.

08:48And I hate it!

08:49Miss Sims, you wanted to see me?

08:59Yeah, come on in, Mickey.

09:00Uh, well, I'm almost afraid to.

09:02Being summoned to the personnel director's office

09:04usually means bad news.

09:06You know?

09:06And who wants that?

09:07Well, Mickey, depending on how you look at it

09:14it could be good news.

09:16Oh.

09:17Well, thank Buddha.

09:19Because I need this job bad.

09:21Or is it badly?

09:22Paging in English, teacher.

09:28Personnel?

09:30Uh, yeah, I'm about to have that conversation right now.

09:33Right.

09:33I'll call you back.

09:35You know, when people tell me

09:36they're going to call me back

09:37I say, just call me Mickey

09:38because that's my name.

09:39Ba-boom!

09:41That's funny, Mickey.

09:42Right.

09:43But would you have a seat, actually?

09:44Because I'm rather busy.

09:45Oh.

09:46Okay.

09:48I should check you for a stinger,

09:49you busy bee.

09:51Buz, buz, buz.

09:53Hello.

09:54No, there's not like...

09:55I see what you're doing.

09:58Mickey, uh, this is what we in personnel

10:00call a disciplinary session.

10:02Well, I hope that doesn't mean

10:04I have to bend over.

10:06None of that is kinky as straight hair.

10:08Right, right.

10:10Right, right.

10:11Mickey, here's the thing.

10:12Uh, the people in your department

10:14have been complaining about you.

10:17Now, how does that make you feel?

10:19Like a tea bag.

10:21Because evidently I'm in some hot water.

10:23Right, right, right.

10:25Hello?

10:26Hello?

10:27Hello?

10:28Hello?

10:29Hello?

10:30Hello?

10:31Hello?

10:32How many people have complained?

10:41Everyone in the department.

10:44I see.

10:45Said the blind man to his deaf dog

10:47as he was listening to the radio.

10:53So, what happens now?

10:55Well, uh, Mickey,

10:57I've got you your own cubicle

10:58on your own floor.

10:59No, that's not going to work for me

11:02because I'm kind of a people person,

11:03you know?

11:04Hello?

11:04Don't make me...

11:05That's actually exactly what I'm talking about.

11:09It's your quote-unquote jokes.

11:11They're not funny

11:12and no one wants to work with you.

11:15And if you don't stop making them,

11:17I'm going to have to let you go.

11:20Well,

11:20in that case,

11:22I'd like to buy a vowel.

11:23Mickey, I'm going to be frank with you here.

11:28Oh, I'll be Nancy.

11:29All right?

11:29No, Mickey, put down.

11:31Mickey, Mickey, okay, okay.

11:32Hey, hey, I've got a joke for you.

11:34I went to Victoria's Secret

11:35and I got you a pink slip.

11:38I'm sorry.

11:39You're fired.

11:41Hello?

11:42Oh, pink slip.

11:52I got it.

11:52That's a good one.

11:53Out!

12:02Clops.

12:03He's really moving.

12:04I'm doing 90

12:05and he's still pulling away.

12:06He just keeps going

12:07and going

12:08and going.

12:12Gentlemen, ma'am,

12:19let me start off by saying

12:20thank you very much for coming.

12:21We've waited a long time for this day.

12:24Yes, and I'm going to hope

12:25that you're going to think

12:26it was well worth the wait.

12:28Yeah, I hope I'm going to think

12:29it was well worth

12:29the 4.6 billion we spent on it.

12:32No pressure.

12:36Okay, moving on.

12:37Today I'm going to be showing you

12:39the next level of professional warfare.

12:41It's the ultimate super soldier.

12:45Please let me introduce

12:46Rubberman.

12:51Rubberman.

12:53There he is.

12:55Rubberman.

12:57There he is.

12:59Unbelievable.

13:00And watch this.

13:01Rubberman, run for us.

13:05Run.

13:06Run.

13:08There he goes.

13:09There he goes.

13:11Fascinating.

13:12Yes.

13:13So he's completely made

13:15out of rubber.

13:16Uh, actually, no.

13:17No, he's not actually made

13:19out of rubber.

13:20It's more that his entire

13:22musculature has been rubberized.

13:25Unbelievable.

13:26Then watch this.

13:27Uh, Rubberman,

13:29climb the wall.

13:31Climb the wall.

13:39Climb...

13:40Look, there he goes.

13:44Climb the wall.

13:46There, yeah, yeah.

13:47That's, there he goes.

13:48There he goes.

13:49Rubberman,

13:50do the swingy,

13:52climby thing.

13:53The swing...

13:54The swingy,

13:56climby thing.

13:57Watch this.

13:58This is, uh,

13:58this is unbelievable.

13:59Uh, there he goes.

14:01There he goes.

14:03There he goes.

14:06Unbelievable!

14:07Yes, it is.

14:09Frankly, Doctor,

14:10this, uh,

14:11next-generation

14:12super-soldier

14:13of yours

14:13has me a bit confused.

14:14Oh, uh...

14:15And he's supposed

14:16to be a rubberman.

14:17It's Rubberman.

14:18He announces it Rubberman.

14:19I mean,

14:20he's supposed to be

14:20a man who can bend

14:21around corners

14:22and kick people

14:23at hundreds of miles away.

14:25More importantly,

14:28why does he keep

14:28falling down?

14:29Uh, does he?

14:31I had to...

14:31Yes, he does.

14:34Oh!

14:34Oh, Rubberman!

14:35Rubberman!

14:35Stop climbing the wall!

14:37Stop climbing the wall!

14:38Stop.

14:39That's good.

14:39I think we've seen it.

14:40Okay.

14:42Are you sure?

14:43Yes, Admiral,

14:44we're sure.

14:44But, um,

14:45how would you like

14:46to see what, uh,

14:47the, oh,

14:48uh, the, uh,

14:48super-soldier

14:49that could breathe underwater?

14:51Sounds fan-frickin-tastic!

14:55Gentlemen,

14:56send in

14:57sealmen!

15:03Eh,

15:03there's some...

15:04there's some...

15:04Well done!

15:13Yes.

15:16Consider this

15:17the last billion dollars

15:18you can ever expect

15:19to see from us again.

15:20What?

15:21Hope, well,

15:22Howard, I'd like to spend...

15:23Fantastic!

15:25Can you do

15:26roll, roll your boat?

15:30Roll, roll your boat

15:32gently down the stream!

15:36Nice!

15:37Fantastic!

15:44Put the gun down!

15:45What you going to do

15:46when you pick one new

15:47bad toys?

15:48Clops!

15:50You can film

15:50frame by frame

15:51with the animated

15:52men and women

15:53of law enforcement.

15:56All right, all right,

15:57what's the squawk?

15:58I told you,

15:59I was just

16:00taking a leak!

16:01What kind of town

16:01is this where

16:02a guy can't take a leak?

16:03We caught this guy

16:04in a little glory hole action.

16:05I was just

16:06taking a leak, officer!

16:08My God!

16:08This can't be happening!

16:09I've got a wife!

16:11Oh, I know this one!

16:12You're a regular feature

16:13here at the

16:14Exit 6 Waterworks,

16:15aren't you, Peanut?

16:16What was going on in there?

16:17I was just in the stall

16:18changing my baby

16:19and this...

16:20this monster

16:22wanted to suck

16:22the chocolate

16:23off my peanut!

16:24It's not true!

16:25It's not true!

16:27I've got kids!

16:31Cut and dried solicitation.

16:34You caught them red-handed,

16:35but these guys

16:36melt in your mouth,

16:36not in your hand.

16:37All right,

16:38both of you,

16:38get in the car!

16:39Watch your shell.

16:40There you go.

16:41Don't you guys

16:42get too friendly back there.

16:43These guys spend all day

16:45in a bag

16:45with other guys

16:46and, you know,

16:47after work

16:47they hit the public restrooms.

16:49They're halfway houses

16:50for latent homosexual candies.

16:52He's really moving!

16:53I'm doing 90

16:54and he's still pulling away!

16:56He keeps going

16:57and going

16:58and going

17:02and all that

17:03there he's not going!

17:04Both his paws

17:05are blowing out!

17:05Better get an ambulance

17:06out here!

17:07Don't move!

17:08Don't move!

17:09Man, that's a lot of heroin!

17:10No wonder you were

17:11so jacked up!

17:11You're going to the hutch

17:12for a long time,

17:13Peter Cottontail!

17:14Peter Cottontail!

17:14Yeah,

17:14Peter Cottontail!

17:15He's got a history

17:16of battery abuse problems

17:18starting with

17:19AAAs

17:20and moving up to

17:209 volts

17:21lantern batteries

17:22and then on up to

17:23coke and heroin.

17:24It's true!

17:25Batteries just lead to

17:26harder and more

17:26dangerous drugs!

17:27Who is it?

17:31Police!

17:32Open up, please!

17:34Hey, Ninosopher!

17:36What can I do you for?

17:37We've received some

17:38complaints from your

17:39neighbors.

17:39You having a party?

17:41Huh?

17:42I don't know.

17:43I ain't no party guy.

17:45Uh-huh.

17:45Mind if I come in

17:46and have a look around?

17:47I, uh...

17:48sure.

17:49Sorry about the mess.

17:51I, uh...

17:52had a few brewskis.

17:54Just let me go to the can.

17:56Yeah, make it quick.

18:01Woo!

18:02Something stinks in here.

18:03Oh my god!

18:05Holy Jeffrey Dahmer!

18:07Okay, quiet.

18:08Let's go get him.

18:09I'll cover you.

18:10I said be quiet and...

18:11Gee whiz!

18:13Where'd he go?

18:14Speak up, buddy!

18:15There he is!

18:16Freeze!

18:17Stop or I'll shoot!

18:18Wise up, cop!

18:21Ow!

18:21This!

18:23Totally!

18:24Doc!

18:27The chameleon will probably walk.

18:29It's not illegal to kill frogs.

18:31You know, it's, uh...

18:32Just creepy.

18:34Can you pass me a couple

18:35of those frog's legs?

18:36Frog's legs!

18:37F***!

18:37It's Jadine Carofalo!

18:43Excuse me.

18:44Okay, okay.

18:46She's looking right at me.

18:47Sorry it took me so long, Bucky.

19:09I had a butterfly in my hair.

19:13You had to go put change in the meter

19:15and you were gone like an hour.

19:16It was tenacious.

19:18I hate that.

19:18It creeps me out.

19:20Uh, where were we?

19:22I was telling you about

19:23what I wanted to do

19:23with the rest of my life.

19:24You know, my dreams.

19:27It's Jadine Carofalo.

19:29I don't want to talk

19:30about Jadine Carofalo.

19:31What?

19:31I'm not talking, Bucky.

19:33I'm looking at her.

19:34She's here.

19:34My number one performer.

19:36A fantasy made real.

19:39Uh, uh, barkeep.

19:41Uh, whatever she's drinking over there,

19:43I'd like to buy her another, please.

19:45Can we talk about my dreams now?

19:48Uh, just, uh, hold your horses, Bucky.

19:50Just watch and learn, pal.

20:00Excuse me.

20:06She's looking right at me.

20:08What are we supposed to do?

20:09Just go over there.

20:10Oh, I can't just go over there, Bucky.

20:12You wonder why she's...

20:12Just go over there.

20:13She's...

20:14She's pointing.

20:15She's pointing.

20:16Go over there.

20:17Go over there.

20:18Oh, she...

20:18Give me your next line.

20:32Hi.

20:34Uh...

20:34Just, uh, I just wanted to say thanks for the drink.

20:38Uh-huh.

20:41Do you want to sit down?

20:48Bucky, she wants me to sit down.

20:50So sit down.

20:51With her butt munch.

20:59Uh, say, uh, does that offer to sit still and stand?

21:04Sure.

21:05Okay.

21:06Let's just pull this out a little bit.

21:09Okay.

21:11Just, uh, excuse me.

21:15No, don't I know you?

21:18Uh, uh.

21:19Do you, uh, read poetry at the poetry slams at Javalicious?

21:23Oh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, every Saturday.

21:26Okay, that's it.

21:26Then you're the guy who reads the one about coffee?

21:29Yes, I guess.

21:30It's funny.

21:32Funny.

21:33I'm funny.

21:33Now that's funny, because you are insightfully hilarious.

21:38I just can't wait until your next filmic foray.

21:42Yeah, well, I'll tell you what.

21:42You can just give me eight bucks, and I'll tell you the good parts.

21:45I was laughing.

21:49Yeah.

21:50I don't just spit like that inadvertently, you know?

21:55No, no, no.

21:55Really, it's okay.

21:56It's actually the first time I've ever inspired a spit take.

21:59Well, even when I do so, I don't usually do so with such a volume.

22:04It was very exciting, don't worry.

22:07Oh, okay.

22:08Um, I should go.

22:10Oh, well, hey, say, you know what?

22:11I didn't, well, are you going to be at the poetry slam on Saturday?

22:16I could be, yeah.

22:17Yeah.

22:18Maybe, you know, you could show up, we could hook up and take turns spitting on each other.

22:22Oh, say, you know what?

22:24I'll buy us a coffee while we're there.

22:27I'll tell you what, anything but coffee.

22:28I hate coffee.

22:30So, will I see you there, or?

22:35Will Stan give up coffee to date Janine Garofalo?

22:40Will Janine Garofalo go out with Stan and then do a comedy routine on their doomed relationship?

22:47Will Bucky realize his dream to move out of his parents' basement?

22:52What's this guy's deal?

22:54All these questions and more will be answered on the next episode of MADtv.

23:09Hi, I'm Kenny Rogers.

23:10You know, a lot of men don't realize as they get older that their bodies start to change.

23:15And you gotta examine your pesticles for any lump tenderness.

23:19This might be an early warning sign of cysts or testicular cancer.

23:22But most men are reluctant to examine their own testicles.

23:26Hey, maybe it's just because they don't know how.

23:29That's why I decided to tour the country with Kenny's testicle examination.

23:34You can come on down to your local mall, and I'll be on hand, so to speak,

23:39to guide you around your fuzzy nuggets in a frank and scientific manner.

23:44Don't let this opportunity pass.

23:47You gotta grab it while you can.

23:49You're as smooth as grudge.

23:51Get along, little doggy.

23:52Hey, Steve.

23:57Make sure they're big and real.

23:59Kenny's testicle examination booth will be appearing in the following locations.

24:02Mall America, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Little Pepe's Big and Tall Warehouse,

24:05Branson, Missouri, Triple Tree Square, Chicago, Illinois,

24:07Park City Mall, Lancashire, Pennsylvania.

24:09All dates subject to change without notice.

24:10Rock and Revengers are ready to run.

24:21Right, Rock and Revengers?

24:22Right.

24:23Hi, Nicholas Cage here.

24:37I just heard a piece of news that's taken a huge bite out of my ass.

24:42Another one of my all-time favorite heroes, one of the mighty Rocket Revengers has just gone to that big, giant rocket pack in the sky.

24:52Lincoln Willis played Lieutenant Abraham Jefferson, the heart and soul of the Rocket Revengers, and his passing makes me buku sad.

25:03That means I'm sad.

25:04I'm very sad.

25:09So tonight, in memory of a kick-ass actor, a man whose acting took no prisoners, soul brother number one,

25:18I present to you, episode number 695, the Rocket Revengers.

25:27Rocket Revengers are ready to rock and ride, Rocket Revengers.

25:31Right.

25:36The future.

25:37One day, all of us, even hobos and prisoners, will live there.

25:41But what will the future bring?

25:43In the future, monkeys learn to talk, and babies are born already possessing the intelligence and moral integrity of presidents.

25:52This is the future.

25:54Your future.

25:56The future of the Rocket Revengers.

26:00Starring Nick Bendix as Captain Dutch Anderson.

26:04Big Roy Rasmussen as Lieutenant Tiny Malone.

26:08And Lincoln Willis as Lieutenant Abraham Jefferson.

26:11Fighting to save the world of tomorrow from the evil forces of the future.

26:17Rocket Revengers are ready to rocket.

26:27Just think, friends.

26:29It was only a few decades ago that napkins were made out of paper.

26:32These new napkins never wear out.

26:34Plus, they preserve the environment.

26:37Thank the world's one god for asbestos.

26:40Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

26:41Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

26:43You know, I was just...

26:44I was thinking the same thing, Abraham.

26:46Where's the professor?

26:47She said she had a surprise for us.

26:50What the...

26:51It's a deadly robot of some kind.

26:54Rocket Revengers to the Rockets.

26:57Whoa, yeah,akteres.

27:08Brother, you're gonna give us some good things.

27:10Yeah, it's a Gravity.

27:12What the fuck?

27:16Yeah, it's aened that.

27:16Brother...

27:17Hey, there, it's a river.

27:18Holy shit, buddy.

27:20Yeah.

27:21All right.

27:21What?

27:22Okay, boys, let's give this robot the old what-for.

27:43What the?

27:44That sounds like the little lost child alarm.

27:47And that can only...

27:47That can only mean one thing.

27:49Somewhere out there, a little child is lost.

27:52Rocket Revengers are ready to run.

27:54Right, Rocket Revengers?

27:55Right.

28:13Nothing.

28:14I say we give it another go.

28:22There's only one thing left to do.

28:41Well, we've searched the whole city.

28:43Why don't you two have some sleep water and get some shut-eye?

28:46Sure thing, Dutch.

28:53Feeling a little tired?

28:55Rocket Revenger.

28:57You.

28:58Yes, it is I.

29:02The Super German.

29:03There was no little lost child, was there?

29:06This is just a devious plan by you, the Super German,

29:09to get me really tired so that you could finally beat me in a fight.

29:12Yes.

29:20Recognize this?

29:22Rocket Revenger.

29:23You killed my father.

29:25Yes.

29:26And what a pleasure it was.

29:28Yes.

29:29Yes.

29:30Yes.

29:31Yes.

29:32Yes.

29:33Yes.

29:34Yes.

29:35Yes.

29:36Yes.

29:37Yes.

29:38Yes.

29:39Yes.

29:40Yes.

29:41Yes.

29:42Yes.

29:44Yes.

29:59Yes.

30:00Yes.

30:03Yes.

30:04soon as we could it was all part of the super germans insanely clever plan he got us all very

30:10tired so that i would have to send you two off to sleep so that he could fight me alone and he's

30:15the one who killed my father four times five equals twenty what the

30:34hi mr rupert how long does operation go oh really did they give her staples or sutures

30:54oh well tell her not to scratch hey damony oh hi bobby i was just reading my hollywood

31:05tattler wait till i tell you what's going on with that poor minnie driver well i got something i

31:09want to talk to you apparently she's been bouncing around from man to man ever since that matt damon

31:14went and dumped her oh i'm sorry but i'm so mad at him right now and what's the deal with that

31:18clint eastward losing all that weight that's got to be emotional but it's like he's got a problem

31:22but he's just so darn stoical like that regis philman with that heart attack apparently

31:25he was just driving along and he felt this tingling

31:31what's that well it's for you open it i'm really worried about that andy dick it's like the little

31:39fella's out of control or something i want you to open it did you hear about kathy lee's son cody

31:44don't care asthma her sister's got it too i mean when's it gonna end for that poor woman it's

31:48engagement ring i'm asking you to be my wife tamany have you seen glenn close his hair lately poor

32:00dear it's all falling out unless that's an idea of going for a look you're talking about all these

32:04movie stars so you can avoid talking about you you and me getting married carrie fisher's back in

32:08rehab are you gonna marry me tammany cloris leachman has 20 cats that's not normal

32:22this is about nathan lane isn't it stupid nathan lane

32:29bobby we've been over this a million times well it's just stupid tammany

32:33how can you be in love with someone you don't even know

32:35i know him no you don't yes i do he's funny sexy witty smart intelligent funny witty and most of

32:47all he has all that wet okay fine we'll say you know him but he doesn't know you and he never will

32:52why number one he lives in hollywood which aside from making him a big star totally out of your league

32:57is two thousand miles away from here and point number two point number two is part about him

33:03being two thousand miles away from here he could move here nathan lane isn't gonna move here well

33:09harrison fard lives in wyoming and then of course is point number three it's a well-known fact that

33:13nathan lane doesn't have a girlfriend and never will have a girlfriend because he's don't you dare go

33:20there well it's true you don't know that for sure well i don't have polaroids i'm sorry body but if you're

33:28gonna keep talking this way about nathan well then maybe maybe we shouldn't be seeing each other

33:40i'm sorry tammany i take it back just so darn crazy about you and i gotta share you with some hollywood

33:48honk

33:54well you can still go back to your mom's place and do it what the hell put on your sweater you're gonna

33:58catch you cold did you hear about sherman's own state no what you found some money from the mob and now

34:03they're gonna kill him

34:17mad tv presents the clubs tonight's topic eddie

34:22hey honey did you hear about that whole transvestical thing what transvestical thing

34:26clear i heard it on the news a while back talking about eddie murphy down on santa monica

34:30boulevard messing with all them transvestites that boy crazy i'm gonna start calling them tricky

34:34dicky you know those transvestites are just confused people i just want to give them a big old

34:39hug just talk them all i'm gonna tell you something about them people they may be all confused

34:46upstairs but downstairs they got way more going on than the average gentleman

34:53oh woman ain't nobody asking your nasty ass opinion you know make me more them transsexuals

34:59they got what you call one-stop shopping down there oh now you done put a picture in my head

35:06how am i supposed to eat with this picture in my head now cletus i done told you to stop messing with me

35:10you say that again i'm gonna come down there and get your ass a sex change free of charge

35:16all the hell with you woman i'm talking about eddie's nasty ass we got all our kids seeing these movies and

35:21they're down there messing with them tricky dickies oh tricky dickies tricky all i'm saying is the

35:29boys are freaks i say if you want to be a freak go on and say you're a freak don't be talking about

35:33you a freak and you're not a freak the man is married and got children and everything like that

35:36i'll tell you what you really need to do need to get a clean healthy coating

35:43i can't believe we have an intellectual conversation about eddie murphy and you go start with the win

35:47i'm not cleaning your pants if you have an accident hey edit name the tune

35:53well you do that again you'll be blowing out of no hole when i get through it too

35:57yeah you take one more step near me and i'm gonna bite your ear off just like mike tyson that pit bull

36:02bathroom you know you shouldn't be like that you're just so prejudiced you hate everybody

36:06mike tyson's lovable he just needs a big old hook oh mike tyson mike tyson looks like the back of

36:11somebody's ass don't you understand mike tyson just confused he got all them people around him

36:16that don't care about him especially that donkey i'm gonna tell you something mike tyson is sexy as hell

36:23he got all them curvations and muscles rippling he can take a nibble out of me anytime matter of fact

36:31he can come down here anytime he wants that bitch crazy a dog in a hookcat factory you can't talk about

36:38my mama like that i remember back in 1978 i met muhammad ali he took me back in this dressing room

36:49float like a butterfly sting like a bee i've been over you know what he gave to me

36:55sting like a bee sting like a bee sting like a bee oh damn woman i just got them transactions out my

37:03head and now you go filling it up with muhammad ali and y'all missing my whole point all's i'm saying

37:08is mike tyson and exactly like a pit bull he bite people he ugly and he hit women pit bull bastard

37:16i remember i had a little pit bull dog you know it was wrong when you hump my leg trying to get some

37:22it had a look on his face like it was just saying come on i know you want it come on and i ain't even

37:29gonna lie to you there were one or two nights where i thought about doing it you know doggy stories

37:34at the table then excuse me you shut up i swear that woman got more wind and hurt in my colon after

37:40one of them three bean burritos jay we haven't even had to search it well put some whipped cream on this

37:45oh hey keep it down oh whatever you're doing you call yourself the artist formerly known hell i'm gonna

37:54just call you confused look everybody it's confused confused you got something to say well i just wanted

37:59to know if i could get some more of this delicious chicken oh you're gonna fancy everybody about to see

38:03michael jackson is betting on you but i'm gonna tell you something i love you because i think you're a

38:07person just all your own you know watching you eat that chicken is sexy to hell kind of remind

38:13me in one of them sexy movies i used to make matter of fact i'm gonna make me a sexy movie right now

38:20would you like some more food baby oh don't be giving confused no food you don't know where them

38:23fingers been

38:27that was one of them silent but deadly ones you smell it you know what you people are nasty

38:34and i don't mean in the good way i just lost my appetite

38:43oh hell like i needed to see that he had on a pair of sexy pants i used to own a pair of sexy pants like

38:51that would drive everybody crazy especially down at the bingo hall the men love it bingo damn damn

39:00woman i ain't never gonna be able to eat again with that picture in my head please i can't believe how

39:05disrespectful you were you made our guests leave we done lost prince oh purple rain purple rain

39:17oh

39:34oh

39:47You are me

39:49You are me

39:54Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you

39:59Thank you, all right, all right

40:05Thanks, you know, I wanted to close the show out with a song that I wrote about my cast members

40:10that I love so much, and they're all so talented

40:13But the producers told me that we literally only have a few seconds to do this

40:19So I can't play the whole song, I'm just going to play the end

40:21The end of the song that I wrote, which, about you guys

40:23And I'm just going to play the end, but the end's the best part

40:26And most importantly, there's me

40:30We're all on Mad TV

40:37Good night, Vancouver!

40:53I love these guys!

40:57I love these guys!

41:37Something stinks in here.

41:43Oh my God!

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