- 2 hours ago
Season 2 Episode 13
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:01On the next MADtv
00:03Mr. Smooth hits on Queen Latifah
00:06Are you tired?
00:07Say what?
00:08Because you've been running through my mind all day
00:11and a message from the man
00:13Who do you work for?
00:15The man
00:16What do the ladies say about me?
00:17You the man
00:18What do the brothers say about me?
00:19You the man
00:20You got a problem with that?
00:21Then take it up with the man
00:22And who the man?
00:23You the man
00:24I'm the man
00:25Next on MADtv
00:26You are now watching MADtv
00:30You are now watching MADtv
00:36MAD!
00:38And now a message from the man
00:41Hello
00:42I'm the man
00:44Who am I?
00:45You the man
00:46Who am I?
00:47You the man
00:48I'm the man
00:49Who do you work for?
00:51The man
00:52Now you may ask
00:53How did I get to be the man?
00:55How?
00:56I don't have to explain myself
00:57Why?
00:58Because I'm the man
00:59You the man
01:00You the man
01:01Was I ever the boy?
01:02Hell no
01:03I was born the man and I will die the man
01:05You got a problem with that?
01:06Then take it up with the man
01:07And who the man?
01:08You the man
01:09I'm the man
01:10What do the ladies say about me?
01:12You the man
01:13What do the brothers say about me?
01:14You the man
01:15What do the critics say about me?
01:16Let them say what they want
01:17Why?
01:18Because you the man
01:19I'm the man
01:20The man
01:21Now I know how badly you want to stick it to me
01:24How you've tried to stand up to the man
01:26How you've tried to make the man pay
01:28But look at things from the man's point of view
01:30If something bad happens, who gets blamed?
01:32The man
01:33If someone gets hassled, where do the fingers point?
01:35At the man
01:36But when things go right, does the man ever get any credit?
01:39Hell no
01:40They say...
01:41Alright, you put one over on
01:42Hey, you slipped one by
01:43The man
01:44The man
01:45Hmm
01:47So let me ask you
01:48Shoot
01:49Do you think I enjoy being the man?
01:50Holding everyone down
01:51Getting in everyone's way
01:52Crushing people's dreams
01:54Do you think I like that?
01:55Yeah
01:56Why?
01:57Cause you the man
01:58I am the man
02:00This has been a message from the man
02:14Oh, come on
02:15Yeah, yeah
02:16Uh, come on
02:17Come on
02:18Come on
02:18Yeah
02:19Uh, come on
02:20Yeah, yeah
02:21Uh, come on
02:22Come on
02:23Come on
02:24Man
02:25You're so
02:27Man
02:28Crazy
02:32Man
02:33Ooh
02:37Man
02:42Man
02:43You're so crazy
02:48You drive me down
02:51You are the one who cares
03:00Hey everybody and welcome to MADtv
03:12Right now, trust me, it is my honor, pleasure, and privilege to introduce one of my very favorite performers
03:19Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Ms. Queen Latifah
03:22All right, okay
03:41Thank you, it is so great to be here tonight
03:44And thank you, Debra
03:44Oh my gosh, you said my name
03:46Debra
03:47You also said your name, girl
03:51So as I said, it is great to be here tonight
03:53Oh girl, it is great to have you here, queen
03:55You come, girl
03:56That's crazy
03:59All right, you can relax now
04:05Give me some love, give me some love
04:07Give me the love, give me the love, yes
04:09Yeah, she all that and a bag of chips, yes
04:20Thank you so much
04:24Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
04:25Can I have the autograph with me?
04:27Debra, we're working right now
04:28I'm trying to get the...
04:29Oh, come on, come on, please, please
04:30Come on, I don't want to wait anymore
04:31Please, please, please
04:34All right, okay, all right
04:36Please, Latifah
04:40Yes, yes
04:43What is my name?
04:44What is my name?
04:45I got it
04:46You watch your wheeze?
04:48You watch your wheeze?
04:49You better be
04:49Because I got it
04:50I told you I can get it
04:51You owe me ten bucks, baby
04:53Look at that
04:55Look at that
04:57Look at that
04:58Yeah
04:58Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen
05:01Anyway, we got a great show for you all tonight
05:07And
05:07Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen
05:10Yeah, baby, don't you show it?
05:12Yeah, baby
05:13Have you ever been falsely accused of witchcraft?
05:32Have villagers testified before God Almighty that they've seen you conjure the devil?
05:37I bid you heed my words
05:40I'm Larry Parker and I'll fight for you
05:43My name in this village is completely white
05:47And I'll make sure that yours is too
05:50My honorable staff of deacons and learned judges will search the scriptures thoroughly
05:55And make sure you get every possible loophole in the Bible
05:59Larry Parker got me back into the church after I was excommunicated for adultery
06:05God bless thee, Larry Parker
06:07My head was as good as in the noose when I was seen frolicking nude with Satan and all his demons
06:12Then Larry Parker discovered that the Jezebel who accuseth me was a witch herself
06:16Larry Parker got back my pulpit and my reputation
06:19God bless thee, Larry Parker
06:21Who says the pure in heart need no lawyers?
06:25If you're accused of fornication, blood drinking, blasphemy, corrupting dreams, shriveling newborn babes, traffic violations, or bringing a pox upon thy neighbor's house
06:36I'll fight for thee
06:39Let Larry Parker defend thee against God's finger
06:42Take the village path to the rotted stump, turn left, walk forty man-sized paces to the village square
06:48Then knocketh upon the door at number four Jebediah Lane
06:51If no one answers, knocketh again
06:54Don't let this happen to you
06:59I'm Larry Parker and I'll fight for thee
07:02It's my job
07:04You are made
07:21You are made
07:26Oh, what's going on?
07:29Just keep pushing, you're doing great
07:30Okay
07:31Great
07:31Who's going to tell her?
07:35Tell her what?
07:36Uh, tell her about this
07:37What the hell?
07:40What the hell are we supposed to say?
07:42I don't even know what this is
07:43We've got to tell her something
07:45What?
07:45Tell her what?
07:46That she's giving birth to a freak leg thing?
07:49What's going on?
07:50Is it a boy or a girl?
07:52It's too early to tell
07:53It's a freak, we should just tell her it's a freak
07:56We don't know it's a freak
07:58We strongly suspect it's a freak
08:00We don't know it for sure
08:01Oh, so now you're the expert freak doctor
08:03Is everything okay?
08:05What are you guys talking about?
08:07Nothing, the company picnic
08:08I'll bring the potato salad
08:10Yum!
08:11Go talk to her
08:12All right, we'll keep an eye on this thing
08:13Okay
08:13Hey
08:15Hi
08:15How are you doing?
08:16Good
08:17I'm doing good
08:18How's it going on your end?
08:19Oh, good
08:20Good, great
08:20Yeah, no problems
08:21I just want to ask you a couple questions about the baby's father
08:24Now?
08:25Yeah
08:26Would you say he was a big man?
08:28You know, tall?
08:29Yeah
08:30Dave's a big guy
08:31Yeah?
08:32Mm-hmm
08:32Would you say he was, uh, freakishly tall?
08:36No
08:36No, he's around six feet
08:38Six feet, huh?
08:39Mm-hmm
08:39Yeah
08:40Most of that in his legs?
08:41No
08:42Why?
08:43Is there something wrong?
08:45Oh, no
08:46Everything's fine
08:46Just take a little break
08:47Get into the family
08:48Stuff like that
08:48Oh
08:48Super
08:49Oh, we've already picked out a name for the baby
08:52I'd wait till you see it
08:54Yeah
08:55Her
08:55All right
08:57Back to work, then
08:58Okay
08:59You should have asked her
09:00If she'd been to Mars recently
09:01Guys, I have an idea
09:03You ready?
09:03I say we saw it off and we hide it
09:06You didn't saw it off and hide it
09:08I mean saw it off and hide it
09:10That could work
09:11Okay
09:11Are you insane?
09:13How do you explain to her that
09:14Whatever it is was born with a sawed-off stump?
09:17Hey, what's the difference between a freak and a freak with a sawed-off stump?
09:20I mean, let's do this
09:21Hold on, hold on, hold on
09:22Maybe we should
09:23I don't know
09:24Make friends with her or something
09:25Oh, no
09:26You stay and make friends with her
09:28I've seen this movie
09:28The black guy always dies first
09:30You're on your own, freak lover
09:33Should I keep pushing?
09:38Yeah
09:38Just keep pushing
09:39Okay
09:40Okay
09:40Oh
09:41Here it comes
09:45Oh, I can feel it coming
09:47Oh
09:48You're getting a great
09:52Here comes that
10:00Ladies' night
10:12Do you want something?
10:21Question is
10:22Do you want something?
10:25That was brilliant
10:26I know
10:27So what time do you get off?
10:30With you?
10:31Never
10:31Okay
10:33Hey
10:35Drop, Dad
10:36It's all fun
10:40Say, Barkey
10:43I'm buying whatever she's drinking
10:46That'll be $6.50
10:52Ouch
10:54Excuse me
11:03Yeah, what's up?
11:06Are you tired?
11:07Say what?
11:08Because you've been running through my mind all day
11:11Mind if I join you?
11:14Not at all
11:16Hey, you're lost
11:18Wait, what?
11:23Say, sit down
11:24Oh, yeah
11:26I ain't never seen you in here before
11:31Well, I used to come in here a lot more back when it was HR good bodies
11:35You know, men meeting women, women meeting men
11:38I'm Rick
11:39I'm Cleo
11:41What's up, bruh?
11:42Hi
11:43Right
11:49Cleo
11:51Why don't I call you Cleopatra?
11:56Oh, Rick, you a smooth one
11:58So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself, player
12:04Rick's story, chapter one
12:08It was a dark and sexy night
12:12The ebony princess was trapped in a tower
12:16Wait, wait, wait, hold up
12:18Listen
12:19Let me say you some trouble
12:21I don't go that way
12:23Well, maybe you just need a guide
12:26Nah, nah, you don't get it, do you?
12:30Oh, I get it
12:31And I give it pretty good, too
12:33Yo, man
12:41Look at my lips
12:42Oh, yeah
12:43I hang out with boys
12:47I do not date them
12:49Well, then
12:50Let's, uh, hang out
12:52Listen
12:56I don't like men
12:57Well, that's probably because you never had a real one
13:01Once you take a spin on the wheel of Rick
13:04You'll be painting your nails and calling me dead
13:06All right, that's it
13:11That's it, baby
13:13This was a big mistake
13:15Yeah, you damn right you made a mistake, fool
13:18I'm about to put three holes in that broke-ass R. Kelly ball head of yours
13:23Oh, Jesus
13:24Oh, God, no
13:25Brace, don't kill me
13:26Oh, Mommy
13:28Mommy
13:29Get up, fool
13:39I ain't gonna shoot you
13:41Get up
13:42I ain't gonna shoot you
13:46Chill, chill
13:48Oh, man, chill
13:49Come in
13:49Be a man
13:50You all right?
13:53You all right?
13:55All right
13:55Hey, look here, you got a car?
13:58Yeah, take it
13:58It's the shiny one in the back
13:59Oh, man, relax
14:03I want you to meet three of my homegirls
14:06And then we're gonna go to a club
14:09All right
14:10All right
14:11But first I gotta stop at this bank
14:14You drive
14:15Come on, man
14:18Come on
14:19Ursula
14:20Come on, girl
14:21Come on
14:24Are you in there?
14:30Nicole from MADtv just wanted to say hi
14:34Hello?
14:35Oh, there you are
14:37And that's why Gordon Lightfoot Elementary School is the best school on the entire planet
14:57Including the maritime provinces
14:59Thank you
15:00Thank you, Ian
15:07That was very nicely done
15:09And now to help us celebrate Spirit Week here at Gordon Lightfoot Elementary School
15:14Please welcome Miss Alanis Morissette
15:18Alanis
15:19Alanis, would you please recite your essay?
15:30I'd rather sing it
15:32Very well
15:32I want you to know
15:44That I just failed my test
15:49I studied long and hard
15:53I should have done the best
15:57But no, you gave me an F
16:00And left me feeling for F
16:03Oh, Mr. Horton
16:04How on earth could you do this?
16:07The kid who sits behind me
16:09He cheated you to MC
16:12Does he have pictures of you
16:14With a donkey?
16:17Cause the mark that you gave made my grade goes so low
16:19My report card now
16:21You know that I have to
16:22I know
16:24And now my future's shot to hell
16:28I'll have to enroll in a beauty school
16:31And turn tricks on the side
16:33I'll use that road light
16:35And I'm here
16:36To remind you
16:39Of the mess you made
16:42Of my grades today
16:43It's not fair
16:46That the suckers pass
16:48While you screwed up
16:50My whole GPA
16:52He'll, he'll, he'll
16:54Really blow
16:55Oh, I know the car that you drive
16:57Oh, teacher, will you survive
17:00When they put napalm in the tank of your taras
17:04A pipe bomb under your seat
17:07Will turn you into raw meat
17:09And send you singing with a heavenly chorus
17:13And I hope
17:15You remember
17:17That you don't cross me
17:21Or there's hell to pay
17:22And you'll see
17:24I'll be famous
17:27And make mountains of my misery
17:31Who, who, who
17:33Will it blow
17:35From John Grisham
18:03Author of
18:04The Firm
18:05The Pelican Brief
18:06The Client
18:07The Chamber
18:08The Runaway Jury
18:09Time to Kill
18:10And Seven Other Unproduced Law-Related Ideas
18:12For Which He's Been Bayed Millions
18:14Comes Yet Another Powerful Story
18:16Of Yet Another Terrible Event
18:18That Rips Apart
18:19Yet Another Small Southern Town
18:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-하-ha-
18:54John Risham's The Mailbox, starring Samuel L. Jackson and Matthew McConaughey as John Hornbook,
19:15the idealistic young lawyer who faces an awesome moral dilemma, not unlike Chris O'Donnell in the
19:20chamber.
19:21Earl, you shot those two men in cold blood, then you gutted them, you chopped off their hands,
19:26and you ran them through a tree shredder. Then you took the pieces and you put them in a pinata.
19:30I know what I did. But you didn't see my mailbox hanging there, swinging. I ain't never gonna get
19:41any mail anymore. Not now. You can't take the law on your own hands, Earl.
19:45Earl, you remember them two boys over on Route 4? Ran over that mailbox last year. They got off,
19:53didn't they?
19:54Yeah, they did.
19:58You got a little mailbox of your own, don't you, John?
20:01John Hornbook is running for his life, and for the life of his client.
20:17Think, John. Think, think, think. How am I gonna get him off?
20:22John, I'm worried about little Billy. They're teasing him something awful at school. They keep
20:30calling him things like letter lover. And yesterday they tried to express mail him to Tokyo.
20:37Oh, that reminds me I forgot to mail that deposition.
20:40John, you care more about that mailbox than you do about your own family.
20:44John Hornbook is running. Running because he has to.
20:57You're losing the case.
21:00Who are you?
21:03A friend.
21:04And Julia Roberts is the beautiful, brilliant, articulate, and brilliant young mystery woman
21:09who has all the answers. And she's beautifully brilliant, just like Sandra Bullock in A Time
21:14to Kill.
21:15They're after me because I have this brief. Here. Everyone who has read it has died.
21:22I don't want to look at it then.
21:24Hmm. Good point.
21:28Did I kill him?
21:31You're damn right I killed him.
21:33Let's do it again.
21:37I don't think burning hell.
21:39Damn it.
21:45What is water?
21:48What is water?
21:49Now I gotta get a P.O. box?
21:52You know how small those things are?
21:56Can't even get my magazines out without ripping them.
21:58John Hornbook is running towards the truth.
22:08John, you're not seeing the big picture.
22:11This isn't about one little black mailbox.
22:13This is about every single black mailbox in this country.
22:18Who are you?
22:19It's me.
22:20Oh, hey.
22:20Hi.
22:21How you doing?
22:21Good.
22:22This conspiracy goes deeper than you can possibly imagine.
22:26Deeper than the DA's office?
22:28No, think.
22:30Who controls the mail?
22:32Stamps.
22:34No.
22:35Deeper than stamp.
22:37Easterseals, of course.
22:39No.
22:40Deeper than Easterseals at the government.
22:43What?
22:44The government.
22:45Hmm.
22:48John.
22:49John, you care more about having sex with that mysterious young woman
22:53than you do about your own family.
22:54John Hornbook is running.
23:02He's running because audiences loved it when Tom Cruise did it in the firm.
23:10Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I don't have a fancy summation today.
23:14All I have is the truth.
23:17The truth in the form of a story.
23:20Oh.
23:22Picture, if you will, a beautiful sunny afternoon
23:25and a precious little black mailbox sits proudly on its owner's lawn,
23:29minding its own business.
23:30When out of nowhere,
23:34it's beaten,
23:36ripped from its post,
23:37and strung up in a tree,
23:41never to receive another Christmas card
23:43or a free shampoo sample.
23:45Well, now I want you to close your eyes
23:50and imagine.
23:55Imagine that mailbox is white.
24:02Have you reached a verdict?
24:04Your Honor.
24:05We, the jury, find a defendant
24:13guilty of first-degree entertainment.
24:22John Grisham's The Mailbox.
24:25Coming up on Mad TV.
24:42That's my husband.
24:44The best damn stink sucker around.
24:48Get your hand out of there.
24:50Daddy, he invaded my touch bubble
24:52without asking my permission.
24:53Sir, how dare you touch my daughter?
24:56She's lucky I didn't kick her ass.
24:59Me!
25:01You are now watching Mad TV.
25:09Ladies and gentlemen, once again,
25:11Queen Latifah!
25:22Thank you, everybody.
25:23Now, you know, before I do anything else,
25:25I'd just like to take a moment
25:26to talk to y'all about something
25:28that is very important to me,
25:29and that is bridging the gap
25:30between East Coast and West Coast rap.
25:33Now, as somebody who was originally
25:35from the East Coast...
25:35Out of the East Coast!
25:36Out of the East Coast!
25:37Guess where I'm from!
25:38Guess where I'm from!
25:39Queen!
25:39Queen!
25:40Queen!
25:40Queen!
25:41Queen!
25:41Queen!
25:42Come on, y'all!
25:42Queen!
25:42Queen!
25:43Queen!
25:43Queen!
25:44Queen!
25:44Queen!
25:44Queen!
25:45Queen!
25:45Queen!
25:45Queen!
25:46Queen!
25:46Queen!
25:47Queen!
25:48Queen!
25:49Queen!
25:50Queen!
25:51Queen!
25:52Queen!
25:53Queen!
25:54Queen!
25:55Queen!
25:56Queen!
25:57OK.
25:58Are you ready to order?
25:59Yes.
26:00I'll have the
26:01Make that too, please.
26:02Excellent.
26:03All right.
26:04And for your daughter?
26:05You can speak to her directly.
26:06She is a human being
26:07with her own set of ideas,
26:08values, and preferences.
26:11Oh, OK.
26:13What would you like to have?
26:15I don't know what I want.
26:17Daddy, I feel pressure to decide.
26:20Honey, think about what your tum tum
26:22needs right now.
26:23My tum tum needs you to shut up
26:25and leave me alone.
26:26OK.
26:27I understand your negative feelings
26:29as a source of malnourishment,
26:31so what you need to do is eat.
26:32What is your tummy saying to you
26:34right now, Dumpling?
26:35Um, my tummy wants spaghetti.
26:39Oh.
26:41Shall I bring her a plate of spaghetti?
26:43Why are you asking me?
26:44Amber knows what she wants.
26:46Shall I bring you a plate of spaghetti?
26:49Mommy, he's not respecting my decision.
26:52We don't serve SpaghettiOs.
26:55Mister, I don't know you as a person,
26:57so I can only a-
26:59Asc- ascertain.
27:00Ascertain my opinions of you
27:01based on your occupation as a waiter.
27:03And so far, I hate you.
27:05Oh, good.
27:06Cut that out, you little brat.
27:07Mommy, call me a brat.
27:08That's a value judgment.
27:10We try not to do that.
27:12She hit me.
27:13Amber's expressing her anger
27:15in the only way she knows how.
27:17Do you feel better now, honey,
27:18that you let your anger out?
27:19No.
27:20I still have some latent anger
27:21due to my separation anxiety
27:22caused by my cesarean birth.
27:24Mommy said she was sorry.
27:26She tried as best she could
27:27to push you out her birth canal.
27:29Here's a dollar.
27:31Just bring some spaghetti for her.
27:33Would you please?
27:34We'll shape it into O's for her.
27:35Thanks.
27:36Wait.
27:37I am exercising my right
27:38to change my mind.
27:40I don't want SpaghettiOs anymore.
27:42I want that!
27:45My, my, my, my, my, my.
27:47No, sweetheart, this is not your food.
27:48Excuse me, is this your daughter?
27:50Yes, she is.
27:52And she's exploring.
27:53We try not to stifle her inquisitive impulses.
27:55Good for you, Amber.
27:57Excuse me, but her inquisitive impulses
27:59are all up in my lasagna.
28:00Mommy, I think it's non-positive behavior.
28:02Don't tell me, honey.
28:03Tell the nice lady how you feel.
28:05I feel like you're stupid and stinky.
28:11Get your hand out of there.
28:13Daddy, he invaded my touch bubble
28:15without asking my permission.
28:17Sir, how dare you touch my daughter?
28:19She's lucky I didn't kick her ass.
28:22It's okay.
28:23You're obviously childless.
28:25Daddy, I feel violated.
28:27I know, sweetheart.
28:28We all do, but you're safe now.
28:29Well, we don't feel safe.
28:30Helen Keller here had her grubby hands
28:32all over my wife and I's food.
28:33Yeah.
28:34Excuse me, but you people are gonna have to leave.
28:37You're disrupting everyone's meal.
28:38Fine.
28:39I can see this is not a child-friendly environment.
28:41Amber, we're going to leave, honey,
28:43and we're never going to come back
28:44because we don't want you to have a negative experience
28:46like you did tonight.
28:48That's right, sweetheart. Let's go.
28:49No, I don't wanna go.
28:51My inner child is at play now.
28:53Now, Amber, you have to leave now
28:54or Mommy and Daddy's inner children
28:56are going to be very sad and lonely.
28:58But we still love you unconditionally.
28:59No! I wanna stay!
29:01Can't you see I need my space?
29:03Okay, you've made your decision.
29:05We'll pick you up tomorrow.
29:06Wait a minute. You can't leave her here.
29:08Her bedtime is 9 or whenever her body clock
29:10tells her she's tired.
29:12We'll pick you up tomorrow, sunshine.
29:13Bye-bye.
29:14Wait a minute.
29:15Take care. Have fun.
29:18Psst.
29:20I hate you.
29:21You were having glory!
29:24You were having glory!
29:25You were having glory!
29:26You were having glory!
29:27Take care.
29:33Just for the count of reason I did it.
29:35My acting baby not a comedian.
29:37My acting baby not a comedian.
29:39You didn't say the funniest
29:40and don't even think about it!
29:42Hey, baby. I got the job! I got the job!
30:00That's great! Which one?
30:04The one down at the plant. They hired me on as a junior stink sucker.
30:08A junior stink sucker! That sounds great! What do you do?
30:14Well, me and the other stink suckers, we suck the stink that comes out of the plant through the pipes so they don't bloop the air.
30:22It's a real important job, honey.
30:24That sounds like a real important job. How much do you get paid?
30:28Minimum wage, but there's plenty of room for advancement. And hey, I am working, I got a job, not a lot of people can say that.
30:36My husband a junior stink sucker!
30:40You'll prove my folks wrong yet.
30:42Most of all, now we've got enough money for our porno addiction.
30:53Hey, honey, I'm home.
30:54Porno! Did you bring me some porno?
30:57Yeah, yeah, I got porno.
31:01Hey, baby, I thought you were working a double.
31:03Yeah, well, that's what I want to talk to you about, honey. You know my stink sucking job down at the plant?
31:07Yeah, what about it?
31:08Yeah, well, it's not the great job I thought it would turn out to be good.
31:12Man, I'm sucking stink, honey. Stink from a rendering plant.
31:16Hey, you know how nasty that is? It's real nasty, honey. Real, real nasty.
31:20What's your point?
31:21It stinks!
31:23Well, you got a job, don't you? Not a lot of people can say that.
31:26I know, honey, I know.
31:28And we got money for porno?
31:29I know all that, honey, but there's not the room for advancement that I thought there'd be, okay?
31:33Somebody's got to die before you can move up.
31:35And besides, one of the stink suckers is the foreman's son. There's no way I'm going to move up before that guy.
31:39Well, you can't just quit. What about the porno?
31:43You can't take the porno. Well, I won't have it.
31:46Honey, it really smells. I mean, the stink really smells. I just can't take any more. You understand?
31:53Hello? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well, that's great, but he already has a job. Okay.
32:06Who is that?
32:08There's an opening at Balcor Paints. They want you to be a load and dock supervisor, and it starts at $30,000 a year.
32:15Well, let me give that a go, honey. It's got to be better than sucking stink.
32:19What's to say you're not going to just quit that job?
32:22I won't.
32:23You'll come home, say there's something you don't like.
32:25I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't.
32:30You got this job sucking stink now. Stick with it and see where it takes you.
32:35Shucks, Lily. I'm not even a good stink sucker. I mean, I was behind all day. I didn't even near my quota.
32:41I mean, I just can't. I did it. I'm making a stand. There's no way that I'm going back to that.
32:51Man, that's good porno. Excellent porno.
32:55See, that's the thing. I mean, I'm down at that plant 18 hours a day. I don't even get to watch porno anymore.
33:00Okay, maybe a little on my lunch break, but all I get is semi-tough and then the bell rings and I'm back there chugging brown.
33:06Aw, Joe John, that's disgusting.
33:09Sorry, honey. It's just plant talk.
33:13Sweetie, there's a whole world of stink out there just waiting for you to come along and suck it.
33:20You know, I see you walking down the street 10 years from now and somebody coming up to me and saying,
33:27Who's that there guy with a brown circle around his mouth?
33:31And I'll say, that's my husband, the best damn stink sucker around.
33:38You're right, honey. You are right.
33:41I just gotta go back to that plant and suck stink like I've never sucked before.
33:45And don't forget to pick me up some porno.
33:47I won't. You want me to pick up some food too?
33:49Oh, porno!
33:50Alright, alright.
34:10And now it's time for Rubbin' with Charlie.
34:13What's up, y'all? Charlie in the house.
34:16No, excuse me.
34:17I mean Charlie in somebody else's house.
34:20What's up, y'all? Welcome to Grubbin' with Charlie.
34:23I'm Charlie.
34:24And today I'm gonna be cooking something I like to call Charlie's Vacation Surprise.
34:29Cause the Wilsons is on vacation and when they get home, they damn sure gonna be surprised.
34:35Having said that, let's get to the grubbin'.
34:38Oh, look at this right here.
34:40The Wilsons just don't know how true that is, do they?
34:45Now, if y'all like me eating on the run all the time, I recommend canned goods.
34:49They quick, they fast, and as soon as you cook them, they done right after that.
34:55Only problem is, I have no idea where these fools keep they canned goods.
35:00People, Charlie can't stress this enough.
35:03Organize your damn kitchen, please!
35:06I almost got arrested twice last week cause of y'all. Just do something for me, alright?
35:10Oh, look. There it is. The promised land and then song.
35:15Now, let's just take a dash of this right here.
35:18Course, we'll use a smidgen of this right here.
35:20And we'll spit on it with this right here.
35:23Now, normally, Charlie don't fool with these generic brands, but if we both well know, I ain't exactly doing the shopping.
35:28Hey, check this out, y'all.
35:32Please pass the Great Pool Pump.
35:36And they say Charlie couldn't do commercials. My ass.
35:40Now, basically, what I'm gonna do is just amalgamate and mix up all these things here to create what I like to call robbery ratatouille.
35:48But given the fact that the police reaction time to a break in the internet is about 3 minutes and 64 seconds, I ain't exactly got time to prepare that for you during this show.
35:59But lucky for you, I broke in last night and prepared this in advance.
36:07Now, this is exactly what we talked about, only with turkey.
36:15Chances are, that ain't for me.
36:18This is Sherry. My mommy and daddy and I can't answer the phone right now. Please leave a message.
36:23It's nice when they get the kids involved like that, ain't it?
36:26Hey, Mark. It's your next door neighbor, Vince.
36:29Claire and I are leaving Sunday for two weeks in Jamaica.
36:32Thank you, Vince. That's good to know.
36:34And we were wondering if you could keep an eye on the place.
36:37Hell, I keep both eyes on the place.
36:41That about does it for cooking with Charlie.
36:43Stay tuned next week, or we'll be broadcasting from Vince's place next door.
36:46And remember, if you don't lock it up, you know I'm going to break in the house and cook it up.
36:51Let's keep on gruffing with Charlie.
36:52I hope we're done.
37:55She said no.
37:57All right.
37:59I'm going to just...
37:59What?
38:01How many times did you ask her?
38:03Once.
38:04Yeah, well, you kind of gave up quickly.
38:05You didn't ask her...
38:06I asked her.
38:07Yeah, well, you didn't, you know, ask her again or anything.
38:09I mean, you should have asked her again.
38:10Just let it go, all right?
38:12Right.
38:13Okay.
38:17You know what?
38:17I'm going to go over to Laura's place and ask her in person.
38:19Let me borrow your car.
38:20No.
38:23I mean, no.
38:24Come on, it won't be long.
38:25No way.
38:26Come on, I do plenty of things for you to lend me to borrow a car.
38:29No.
38:29Yeah, come on.
38:30You're not borrowing my car.
38:32Why not?
38:32Because.
38:33Because why?
38:34Because it's brand new and I don't want to lend it out, all right?
38:37All right.
38:37All right.
38:38I'll bring it right back.
38:42No.
38:42Come on.
38:43No.
38:44Yes.
38:44No.
38:45Come on.
38:45No.
38:46Come on.
38:46No.
38:47Let me borrow your car.
38:48No.
38:49No as in I can't borrow your car or no as in what?
38:53I don't want you borrowing my car.
38:56Just let me borrow it.
38:57No.
38:58Why not?
38:58I told you.
38:59Come on.
39:00No.
39:00Come on.
39:01No.
39:02Then let me borrow your car.
39:03No.
39:04Come on.
39:05No.
39:06Please.
39:07No.
39:07What is with that?
39:08Come on.
39:09No.
39:10Let's do this.
39:11No.
39:12Okay, fine.
39:12Fine.
39:13You win.
39:14Now can I borrow your car?
39:17No.
39:17Why not?
39:19Come on.
39:19Be a pal.
39:20Come on.
39:20Come on.
39:21Come on.
39:21Come on.
39:21Give me the keys.
39:21Come on.
39:22Come on.
39:22I don't want to lend my car out.
39:23I cannot believe you will not lend me your car.
39:25You know what your problem is?
39:26You can't take no for an answer.
39:28Yes, I can.
39:29No, you can't.
39:30You know, and it's not fair.
39:32I mean, if somebody says no, you should respect their answer.
39:34All right.
39:36You're right.
39:36You are right.
39:37You're right.
39:37I will bring it right back.
39:42No.
39:43Come on.
39:43No.
39:44Come on.
39:44No.
39:44Huh?
39:45Huh?
39:45What?
39:46You almost said yes there.
39:47No, I didn't.
39:47Believe me.
39:48I was nowhere near yes.
39:49Come on.
39:50You're not borrowing my car.
39:51See?
39:52See what?
39:53Come on.
39:54No.
39:54Come on.
39:55Go.
39:56You know what?
39:56Fine.
39:56Take the car.
39:57Take the keys.
39:58Just get the hell out of my face.
39:59All right.
39:59All right.
40:01You're the most annoying person in the world.
40:02Right, right, right.
40:04All right.
40:04There's gas in it, right?
40:06I don't know.
40:06You're probably going to have to put a couple of bucks in.
40:13You don't have any money?
40:17No.
40:17Ten bucks?
40:18No.
40:18Oh, come on.
40:19No.
40:20Why not?
40:20No.
40:20Oh, please.
40:21No.
40:22Ten bucks?
40:22No.
40:23What's the fuck?
40:24Absolutely not.
40:24I can't get anywhere to be put.
40:26No.
40:27No.
40:27Not at all.
40:28All right.
40:41Getting ready.
40:41What are you doing about?
40:42Oh, my God.
41:12This door weighs over 47,000.
41:21But because of the hydraulics involved, it shuts as easily as your own door at home.
41:26And it's twice as funny.
41:28No!
41:42Well, that's it, y'all.
41:44That's our show tonight.
41:46I hope y'all had a good time.
41:47I had a freaking blast.
41:49I know you did.
41:50I want to thank the cast and everybody on the show.
41:52They're funny as hell.
41:53Keep watching Mad TV.
41:54Keep watching Mad TV.
42:12Mad TV.
42:42Mad TV.
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41:46
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