- 4 hours ago
Season 2 Episode 8
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:01On the next MADtv, TV's number one dad heads to the hood.
00:06Don't you even get a hello?
00:08A man comes home from a hard day's work, hustling like a mother-father.
00:13And a jealous ATM gets even.
00:16I know what this is about.
00:17This is because I used the machine over at the 7-Eleven.
00:20It was just a one-time thing. It meant nothing.
00:24Next on MADtv.
00:26You are now watching MADtv.
00:30Okay, here comes her. I got her in my sights here, Chief.
00:34I got her in my sights. Since she's loaded down, we got one, two, three, and one.
00:37Hello, baby. Here we go.
00:39You are now watching MAD.
00:43You are now watching MAD.
00:51Lowered expectations.
00:56Are you desirably impaired?
00:58Do you find yourself serving punch at parties?
01:01Would you describe yourself as shy, old-fashioned, not on anyone's A-list?
01:05Is your ideal date someone in their early 20s with a perfect body and a sparkling personality?
01:10Well, unless you win the lottery, you're never going to land that dreamboat.
01:15But that doesn't mean you can't find somebody.
01:18And that's why lowered expectations may be for you.
01:21Our video library is packed with thousands of chronically rejected singles, just like you.
01:27Deirdre, number 3211.
01:30Hi. I'm Deirdre, and I'm looking for someone. Anyone.
01:34I mean, I've been told I'm a really nice person and I'm very attractive, but men don't seem to like me.
01:41Come to think of it, women don't like me either.
01:44See, I work for the city of Los Angeles, Unit of Parking Enforcement.
01:48I'm a parking enforcer, keeping Los Angeles moving!
01:51But some people, well, most people actually, are under the impression that I am, quote, a meter maid, and I, quote, suck.
02:00For some reason, I don't make a very good impression.
02:03Like, when most people meet me, they usually say something like,
02:07Hey, what the hell are you doing? That meter's broken! I put a quarter in, you idiot!
02:12Needless to say, it's hard to get something going after that.
02:15Well, last week I actually had a date, and when I told a guy my occupation, he said he suddenly remembered he had to get a liver transplant.
02:23Then he accidentally dropped some eggs on me and ran out and forgot to get my phone number.
02:30So I'm just looking for a nice guy who will respect toe zones and maybe just not swear at me.
02:36So, if you're looking for a winner, vote for Deirdre!
02:40For Deirdre, press down 3211.
02:43Lowered expectations
02:48You're so crazy!
02:49Man!
02:50Man!
02:51You're so crazy!
02:55Man, come on, yeah, yeah, uh, come on, come on
03:01Man, you're so crazy
03:12Man, man
03:25Man, you're so crazy
03:31You taught me not
03:34Man, you are now watching Mad TV
03:43Hey, everybody, thanks for tuning in to Mad TV
03:53Now, please help me welcome a very funny guy
03:56One of the four wacky space dudes on Third Rock from the Sun
04:00Please put your hands together for the very zany French Stewart
04:05Now, now, French, French, or should I say Harry
04:19What planet are you from, huh?
04:21Oh, uh, no, no, no, Nicole, that's just a character I play on TV
04:25Well, yeah, but it's...
04:26That's not who I am
04:27This is who I am
04:30Oh, good point
04:32Yeah
04:33You know, here in Hollywood, it's easy to forget who you are sometimes
04:37You know, whenever I find myself losing track of my own identity
04:40I like to just sit back, relax, dress comfortably
04:43And read from a favorite fable of my childhood
04:48You know, I happen to bring it here with me tonight
04:50And I'd like to read it for you
04:51It's called Freaky the Freak
04:53Once upon a time, there was a traveling circus
05:01Owned by Mr. and Mrs. Horrendous Freak
05:04And they had a little baby named Freaky
05:08Look how freakish Freaky is, said Mrs. Freak
05:12One day, he will make the circus famous
05:16Oh, but Freaky didn't want to be a freak
05:18No
05:19Oh, hell no
05:20I want to be an Acapulco cliff diver, Freaky said
05:28Hey, you can't be an Acapulco cliff diver, Freaky's folks said
05:33You can't swim
05:34But Freaky didn't listen
05:35No, Freaky trained and he practiced and he practiced and he trained
05:39Until finally, he went to Acapulco
05:41And he climbed the biggest cliff that he could find
05:44At last, I'm finally going to live my dream, said Freaky
05:50And Freaky jumped
05:53Yeah, but
05:54Since Freaky only had thumbs for legs
06:02Oh, wow
06:02Yeah
06:03He couldn't really get enough distance
06:07And I don't know, it's sort of like the long story
06:09But anyway, he sort of just ends up bouncing down the edge of this cliff
06:13And he just smashes into this outcropping
06:15Halfway down
06:16And then he's just, he's dead and he gets picked apart by seagulls
06:18Wow
06:19Well, I don't have to tell you that the moral of the story is always be yourself
06:25You know, never try to be somebody that you're not
06:28Because, okay, let's face it
06:29I mean, if Freaky would have accepted his freakishness instead of fighting it
06:32Well, he'd still probably be sitting in some circus tent up to his neck in his own filth
06:37Instead of plunging to a noble death in a tropical seaside resort town
06:44Well, I hope this little tale has helped you as much as it's helped me
06:48Always be yourself
06:52That's right, Nicole
06:54Always be yourself
06:56Enjoy the show
06:58Your parents are getting old
07:11And you face some tough choices
07:14You want the best for your parents
07:17Haven't they earned it?
07:22Spiraling health costs demand creative solutions
07:25To make sure their golden years are golden
07:28Send them to Serenity Acres
07:31A retirement home on the range
07:34Get along now, little fogies
07:36For a low, one-time membership fee
07:39Your elderly will be lovingly corralled by our trained staff of geese perks
07:44They won't be caged like animals in a drab, antiseptic retirement home
07:49They'll be free to run, skip, and cavort
07:51Staying active means staying young
07:54You'll sleep well at night
07:56Knowing our top-notch security system
07:58Is keeping your parents safe and sound
07:59Dinner time is always a community event at Serenity Acres
08:04A chance for our residents to catch up with the latest gossip
08:07And even though they've found heaven on earth at Serenity Acres
08:11They still cherish visits from their loved ones
08:13So if you need to put your folks out to pasture
08:17Put them out to our pasture
08:18Serenity Acres
08:19We'll keep them feeling yippee-t-yay-yum
08:22Serenity Acres
08:24Acres and acres of serenity
08:26And rustler-free for two years round
08:28Thank you
08:29Thank you
08:32You want me
08:49You want me
08:54yes the next applicant is here for the job interview sir okay
09:02hey sir how are you i know you're busy i appreciate you taking the time to meet me
09:11okay um i guess i'll just go ahead and tell you a little bit about myself okay uh well
09:17i was a business affairs major i graduated in the top 10 of my class at usc
09:23uh i just came off a major marketing analysis job at nubco i took some time off to brush up on my
09:31computer skills and uh i i took a look at the portfolio that you sent i'm sorry is there
09:38something wrong sir yeah uh could you maybe just talk faster sure uh i really like the way you're
09:45going with this company sir and i feel i'm someone who can really help you out faster talk faster oh
09:49okay um i i think the fact that you're going into government plans is a really good thing for
09:54you and and everybody involved you're stammering let's stop stammering right i'm sorry okay don't
09:58be sorry just talk faster oh okay uh like i was saying um let's take something new
10:03uh i really think that i have the skills that you would need to get this job done and i think that
10:09if man uh i'm fully experienced in the field of market analysis my previous two positions was my
10:15job to adjudicate the fluctuations in between lower upper and middle class smaller words smaller words
10:20uh okay smaller words oh god talk faster talk faster i'm sorry i interrupt so the numbers came in
10:27we're convening the conference we do have options to appoint a test by four thank you
10:29uh sir um if i could just leave my job history with you i i really think that you know
10:36if you could go over you have any questions you let me know nope
10:40sir i'm not sure what you want me to do right now i don't want you to work here
10:45you don't no i want you to go away okay fine but i'd just like to say something before i go
10:52oh man you're killing me i think this interview was a farce i think it's disgusting you weren't
10:57prepared to hear what i had to say when i came me faster you're a disgusting power crazed baby
11:01chew me out faster that's all i have to say okay i'm gonna go then oh yes leave
11:05it's all right you leave back there moving along nothing to see now
11:13yes sir the ceo is online too okay hello bill about the uh february schedule
11:32oh god i'm dying
11:49and then while he's dead caught this fish and the fish came out of the water and it pulled the
11:53boat all the way across the lake timmy you're fibbing again what have i told you about fibbing
11:58if i fib i won't get my man hair exactly i'm gonna order us the pizza what do you want on it
12:07i want peppers and mushrooms and i want sausage and pepperoni and i want extra sausage and cheese
12:13timmy you know you can only have one topping after you're taking your ritalin
12:19and no meat oh mom mushrooms okay i'm going to go order you stay and watch the pizza man okay
12:28mommy mommy the pizza man just sneezed all over the pizza and then he spit on it and then there was
12:58spit on it and he put it in the oven everything looks fine to me timmy are you making up stories
13:02again no mom i swear he spit on it and then he sneezed do you want to be an honest harry or a bad baldy
13:13an honest harry that's better i forgot to order strings how about a pitcher of coke okay
13:28mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy the pizza man just took over his head and he and he shook his
13:43head and all his dandruff came out and then he took his shoe off and put what was in his shoe on the
13:47pizza and then he started cooking it timmy do you need to see dr stanky again this week no because he's got
13:53plenty of calm down shots no okay now we either get loony sticks or bread rods free with us which one
14:01do you want loony sticks okay mommy mommy mommy there's a dancing cowboy clown and then he came in front of the
14:19the pizza man then the pizza man shoot him away timmy you're not even trying are you mommy i saw it
14:25across my heart i hope to die i know a little boy who isn't going to get any quarters for the sergeant
14:30neckbreaker video game and back it'll be good then but okay
14:46mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy the pizza man just killed a dancing cowboy clown
14:54mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy
15:24Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.
15:51Timmy, the pizza man was putting pieces of the cowboy clown on the pizza and then he put
15:58them in the oven, and he's cooking them.
16:00Timmy, would you just stop it now?
16:01Please come sit down and eat.
16:03Mommy, there's a head on the pizza.
16:05Just pick off the parts you don't like.
16:07I want a head on my pizza.
16:16Because of the hydraulics involved, it shuts as easily as your own door at home.
16:23And it's twice as funny.
16:25No!
16:39And now it's time for Incredible Findings with your host, Mike Lawson.
16:46Ho, ho, ho, everybody.
16:51Mike couldn't be here today for this very Merry Christmas, Incredible Findings,
16:55so he had me, Santa Claus, take his place.
16:59Just kidding. It's really me, Mike Lawson.
17:05But to get serious for a second, we're going to be introducing a product today
17:09that, from what I understand, is going to blow the lid off just about everything.
17:12Are you ready? Because I sure am.
17:14Let's bring out our old friend, Tony Bright.
17:16Hello, Mike.
17:22Okay, Tony. Blah, blah, blah.
17:25Let's cut to the chase. Where's this brand new product I keep hearing about?
17:28Not so fast, Mike. First, I've got a question for you.
17:31Mike, are you happy with the way you look?
17:33Well, if you promise not to tell anybody, sometimes my face kind of gets on my nerves.
17:39Well, then I'll do something about it, Mike.
17:41What are you, high? Cosmetic surgery costs major bucks.
17:44Not anymore, Mike. Mike, I'm here to tell you you can get any cosmetic surgery you'd ever want
17:48at a fraction of the price and right in your own home.
17:52Mike, introducing...
17:55Cosmetic surgeon in a box.
18:01Cosmetic surgeon in a box? No way.
18:05Yes way, Mike. It's the complete cosmetic surgery kit from the good old folks at Nubco.
18:09Nubco? Are they who I think they are?
18:11That's right, Mike. They are.
18:13Now you'll be able to adjust those facial features to anything you've ever wanted.
18:16Just like Cher and Roseanne and all your favourite movie stars, Mike.
18:20That Roseanne is funny as heck.
18:22Mike, let me show you how it works.
18:26Whoa! Built to last or what?
18:28You're right about that, Mike.
18:29And it's not 90% waterproof. It's 100% waterproof, Mike.
18:33Oh, that's perfect, cos I'm totally into scuba.
18:35What do you say, Mike? Should we give it a go?
18:37I don't know. Should we?
18:40Okay.
18:40Mike, you just choose any facial feature you'd ever want.
18:44Oh, way cool. Look at that selection.
18:46Okay, I'll get the Johnny Depp nose, the Brad Pitt chin, and that neat-looking Ben Kingsley forehead.
18:53You've got it, Mike.
18:54Hey, I just thought of something.
18:56If this thing's half as good as you say it is, it'll make the perfect Christmas gift.
19:01You're right about that, Mike.
19:03I sure would.
19:05What do you say, Mike? You ready to give it a go?
19:06Okay, Tony. What do I do?
19:08Mike, all you do is you put your face down on this pet-nip non-stick surface.
19:12Non-stick? Holy, those Nubco guys think of everything.
19:19Here we go.
19:21George Clooney, eat your heart out.
19:22Cosmetic search and inner box comes with six cotton swabs, a five-page instructional pamphlet,
19:35and this bonus vegetable knife that'll have you preparing your favourite hors d'oeuvres just like the pros.
19:40All right, Mike, let's take a gander.
19:47How do I look?
19:49All right, Mr. Tom Cruise, what have you done with my friend Mike?
19:52Knock it off, Tony. I don't look that good, do I?
19:58You guys are putting me on.
19:59Don't take our word for it, Mike. Let's put it to the real test.
20:05What the heck?
20:05Oh, Mr. Cruise, I love all your movies and your looks.
20:14Wow, I'm a star.
20:16You sure are, Mike.
20:18And do you know, Mike, Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box normally costs $120, but since it's Christmas time,
20:25I'm willing to let the whole package go for three easy payments of $39.95,
20:31all of which I'll make back within months as a celebrity.
20:34Tony, you better hurry up and tell them how to order.
20:38There's nothing to it, Mike.
20:40Send your check or money order to Cosmetic Surgeon in a Box, P.O. Box 788, Postal Station C,
20:45Farmington, Illinois, MasterCard or Visa accepted, no CODs, please.
20:47Must be over 18 and have a valid driver's license.
20:50Well, that's our show for today.
20:51And I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm heading home to get my snorkel.
20:56Looks like you're going to need it, Mike.
20:58Well, that's our show.
20:59Join us next week on Incredible Findings.
21:01Good day, folks.
21:17Sammy, number 5150.
21:22Hey, man, I'm Sammy Hagar.
21:25I'm looking for somebody who's sensitive, outgoing, and can play bass guitar, not to mention the drums.
21:30I also need somebody who can play lead and rhythm guitar.
21:32So basically, three people.
21:34Hey, man, I'm a singer.
21:36Here, I can sing.
21:37Check this out.
21:39I want to be your friend!
21:44Yeah!
21:45For Sammy, press around 5150.
21:48Coming up on MADtv.
21:59And don't bring your ass back around here again, unless you got the money.
22:06I ate your sliver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
22:10Who's gonna want me now?
22:14MAD!
22:35And now it's time for a MADtv commentary.
22:37Tonight's guest, Mr. Bill Cosby.
22:40Good day, good day.
22:42My name, as if you didn't already know, is Dr. William H. Cosby, Jr.
22:48And contrary to popular belief, I am a black person.
22:55I have always been a black person.
22:59But according to the media and certain members of the African-American community, I have never been black enough.
23:07My movies, my stand-up routines, my television show has never been black enough.
23:12In which case, I am now producing, directing, and am starring in the new Cosby show entitled Cosby's Crib.
23:22It aired last Thursday night, and in case you missed it, which I'm sure you didn't, here's a little clip.
23:28Roll it, baby.
23:43What's up?
23:49Uh-uh, not so fast, young man.
23:51Now, don't give me that look.
23:53You think a mother doesn't have a right to ask her teenage son a few questions when he comes waltzing in after being out all night?
23:59Okay, Mom, what do you want to know?
24:01How much crap did you sell?
24:07Wait a minute.
24:08This feels light.
24:09Oh, man.
24:14And don't bring your ass back around here again unless you got my money, Chico.
24:27Good evening, family.
24:28Big Daddy is home.
24:30Bill, your son was out selling crack cocaine all night long, and this is all he came home with.
24:35Don't you even get a hello, Leticia?
24:38A man comes home from a hard day's work, slanging and banging, hustling like a mother-father.
24:47The least as trifling no good family can do is say hello.
24:53Hello, Bill.
24:55That's better.
24:56Now, why the hell have you been holding out on your mother?
25:01Look, I'm not holding out on her.
25:02I just don't want to sell crack anymore.
25:04I want to get an education.
25:08I already gave you an education, my son.
25:11Look, I taught you how to get the crack, cook the crack, sell the crack, and launder the crack money.
25:18I don't care what you say.
25:21I don't want to sell anymore.
25:23Now, you watch your mouth, young man.
25:25You know we brought you into this world and we have the people on the payroll who can take you out.
25:29That's right, Beck.
25:30Look, y'all can threaten me if you want, but I'm going to go to college and I'm going to become a doctor.
25:34Why in the hell do you want to become a doctor?
25:39That is not what real black people do.
25:42That is what the black people on the television do.
25:45That is what I want to do with my life.
25:48Fine.
25:49If you want to throw your life away and become a doctor, I cannot stop you.
25:55But a service hell can break it down for you.
25:58Sick.
26:01Now, a doctor goes to medical school, okay?
26:06Which means that you will have to get a student loan.
26:09That's right.
26:10And it's going to be for about $200,000.
26:15Dang.
26:16Well, I mean, that's okay.
26:17I'll just pay it back after I graduate.
26:19Well, thinking, my son, when you graduate and you get your own private practice going
26:24and your doctoring and whatnot, you'll be making about $10,000 a month.
26:28Oh, yeah.
26:29Chump change.
26:31And I'm sure the first thing that you're going to want to do is start paying back that student loan.
26:37Oh, yeah, yeah.
26:38Right.
26:39$1,000 a month.
26:40What?
26:41And I'm sure you want to get yourself a nice cozy little apartment.
26:44Yeah.
26:45Nothing fancy?
26:46No.
26:47Mm-hmm.
26:48Another $2,000.
26:49Okay.
26:50Unless you want to be in a secure building.
26:52Oh, I probably should.
26:54Uh-huh.
26:55Another $1,000.
26:57And being the fine, upstanding citizen that you are, I'm sure you want to give Uncle Sam his fair share.
27:03Yeah, of course.
27:04You know, because, Pop, I want to be legit.
27:05Correct.
27:06Thank you very much.
27:10Oh.
27:11Well, that's okay, then.
27:12Because I break even.
27:13Not exactly, you say.
27:15You forgot one minor detail.
27:17Food!
27:18The body tends to collapse if it does not get the proper nourishment.
27:22Not to mention utilities, malpractice insurance, and whining and dining expenses.
27:29Because I'm sure you want to be getting a little hoop-a-loop-a-loop-a when I die.
27:34And believe you me, Jack, the Putin-esque.
27:37How are you, darling?
27:38Good to see you.
27:39Does not come cheap.
27:42Which means you are $5,000 to the minus.
27:47And where do you think you're going to get those 5,000 big ones?
27:50Well, I...
27:51I...
27:54Selling crack.
27:56Wow.
27:57Leticia, I think our work here is done.
27:59Oh, yes.
28:00Now, go out up to your roofs.
28:01I'm very proud of you.
28:02Watch your old Pop try and get a little bit of your mother's pudding.
28:05Come here.
28:06Oh, you don't have to do that.
28:07Come here.
28:14Okay.
28:15So now listen to this.
28:18Cosby's crib is a bonafide hit.
28:22Mm-hmm.
28:23At least Mr. Cosby has taken some pride in his heritage.
28:29Here's the last one here.
28:31He's finally shown a true understanding of the African-American experience.
28:38Those stupid motherf*****s missed the whole fight.
28:45Thank you very much.
28:46That was supposed to be a f***** damn joke.
28:50Now the motherf***** network says for holding me to a five-year contract commitment.
28:57Five more years of this s*****.
29:00No way, man.
29:01Because you know what?
29:02Critics, the network, and anybody else who wants to, I tell you, you can all line up and
29:07start kissing my big black mocha ass.
29:10The proceeding has been an editorial by Mr. Bill Cosby and does not in any way represent
29:14the opinion of the management of this station or MAG-TV.
29:17Mr. Cosby has purchased this time and is therefore entitled to say and do whatever he likes with
29:21it.
29:22Because, let's face it, he's probably the richest man on the planet.
29:25I want, okay, because maybe that's better for you.
29:28That's what I ask you to give.
29:30Okay?
29:31God, then you smell your best.
29:34I can't do it.
29:39Do we have any purple dresses, Julie?
29:41Okay, I'm going to wear this.
29:44Isn't that pretty?
29:47You're watching MAG-TV.
29:48You're watching MAG-TV.
29:49You're watching MAG-TV.
29:50You're watching MAG-TV.
29:51You're watching MAG-TV.
29:53That was absolutely delicious.
29:56Yeah, you know, we've got to do this again at our house.
29:58Yeah, well, you know, I'm just happy that we could get together outside of the office.
30:02Definitely.
30:03And, Frank, this is some wine.
30:05Oh, yeah.
30:06I'm not paying you too much, am I?
30:09There's still some wine left.
30:10Anybody?
30:11Oh, I'll have another glass.
30:12Okay.
30:13Ann, I think you've had enough.
30:14I think I know when I've had enough, and I'd like another glass of Chianti, please.
30:17I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
30:23Oh!
30:24That's good!
30:25Yeah.
30:26Seems I have an impressionist on the payroll there, huh?
30:27Oh.
30:28Oh, he's always doing impressions.
30:29He's a regular rich travelina.
30:32Honey, do your Elvis Presley.
30:34Oh, uh, yeah.
30:36Good night, Las Vegas.
30:37Red, go get the limo, mama.
30:40That was dead on Bravo.
30:42That's good.
30:43Wait, wait, wait.
30:44Oh, yeah.
30:45Well, hey there, Pilgrim.
30:47That's the best darn marble cake I've ever seen.
30:49Hey!
30:51You know, these two should go on the road.
30:53Oh, God, by the way, I forgot.
30:55Uh, the travel vouchers for the Forester...
30:57Frank!
30:58Please.
30:59No shop talk, okay?
31:00Oh, I'm sorry.
31:01I guess I was just doing my impression of a hard-working employee.
31:08Do you do anybody else?
31:09Uh, well, no.
31:10Not really.
31:11Well, actually, somebody here does a very funny impression of somebody else here.
31:16Oh, really?
31:17Oh, I'd love to see that.
31:20Honey, do it.
31:21It's good.
31:22You're gonna love this.
31:23Come on.
31:24You know, I haven't really gotten it worked out yet, so...
31:27Oh, come on.
31:28Come on, really?
31:29Come on, Frank.
31:30We're just having fun here.
31:32Okay.
31:33Well, uh...
31:37Okay, gentlemen.
31:39Uh, good morning.
31:40We're going to take this company straight to the top, and I want to commend you on your wonderful work on the Forester account.
31:48Okay, well, that kind of sounds like you, honey.
31:50No, that's not the one he does.
31:52The funny impression, honey.
31:54Come on.
31:55It's so perfect.
31:56Maggie, that is the only impression that I...
31:59Oh, the funny one.
32:00The one where you stand on the chair, and you go,
32:03Oh, look at me.
32:05I'm the boss, because my daddy owns the company.
32:08Oh, look at me.
32:10Yeah, I'm right here now.
32:13Oh, look at me.
32:15Where's my report?
32:16You're gonna have to read it to me, because I've never done a hard day's work in my life.
32:22Who is that supposed to be?
32:24Oh, it's you.
32:26Would anybody like some coffee?
32:29So, that's your impression up here, Frank?
32:32Darling, would you say that's an accurate impression?
32:36No.
32:37Actually, I think it's more like this.
32:39Hi, I'm Nick.
32:41Look at me.
32:42I think I'll scream it, everybody.
32:44Go home, eat a bag of onions, and climb on top of my wife.
32:48Oops.
32:49Five seconds are up.
32:50Time to roll off and start telling her what to do.
32:59I do not sound like that.
33:01You guys are way off base.
33:02This is me.
33:04Oh, look at me.
33:06I'm married to a frigid, gold-digging lesbian.
33:08Oh, look at me.
33:10I gotta lock up the medicine cabinet so my wife doesn't drink all the deodorant.
33:14Oh.
33:15No, Frank does Ann more like this.
33:17Look at me.
33:18Yeah, come on, Frank.
33:19Do Ann.
33:20Yeah, look at me.
33:21I don't do Ann.
33:22What do you mean?
33:23I don't do Ann.
33:24I've never done Ann.
33:25Oh.
33:26Oh, wait.
33:27I've got one for you.
33:28Try and guess who this is.
33:29Oh, look at me.
33:32I lost the Forster account.
33:34Soon I'll be living on the street selling pencils and wearing four pairs of pants.
33:38Oh, look at me.
33:40I'm gonna be living in a box in a ditch because I don't have a chance in hell of ever getting
33:44another decent job.
33:45That is so obvious.
33:46Oh, come on.
33:47It's Frank.
33:48Exactly.
33:49No, I'm living in a ditch.
33:51Exactly.
33:52No, I'm living in a ditch.
33:55Yeah.
33:56Hey, I got a real showstopper for you people.
34:01See if you can guess who I am now.
34:06Hey, look at me.
34:11How much for that shotgun?
34:13Oh, really?
34:14Well, that seems like a reasonable price to blow your boss's head off.
34:18Hey, why don't you throw in a machete and some garbage bags so that I can dispose of the
34:22body and make it snappy because I got to ditch my brain dead wife, cash in my company stock,
34:28dye my hair and go on a shooting spree because, baby, it's time to kill again.
34:41That was you, wasn't it, Frank?
34:44Could be.
34:48That was good.
34:49Yeah.
34:50That was good.
34:51But we should be going now.
34:53So, I'll see you tomorrow.
34:55Ooh, yeah.
34:56You bet.
34:57Bright and early.
34:58Yeah.
34:59With a lot of new and very lucrative accounts for you.
35:02And as well as that corner office you always wanted.
35:05So, thank you and...
35:06Bye.
35:07Bye, honey.
35:08Good job.
35:10Bye.
35:11AARON
35:13AARON
35:14AARON
35:15AARON
35:17AARON
35:18AARON
35:23AARON
35:36This was a game I found out.
35:40I can't even look back in my own game…
35:43I guess I could not use any.
35:46I didn't know how it happened.
35:50I was shocked.
35:52I don't know how much I can do.
35:55I can't even touch.
35:58I went to a game-run game, so I'll be right back.
36:02I've had to get a game.
36:34Hello, Sally Kennerson.
36:40Hi.
36:41Welcome to Stanton Bank.
36:43How are you today?
36:44Fine, fine.
36:45Rough day, but fine.
36:47Please enter your security code.
36:49Thank you, Sally.
36:54How may I help you today?
36:56I need cash.
36:58Let's say $200.
37:00How's that sound?
37:02Oh, I never heard that noise before.
37:07Is everything okay?
37:08Funds not available.
37:10Funds not available?
37:12What's going on here?
37:13Funds not available.
37:15Okay, okay.
37:16I heard you.
37:17I heard you.
37:18What did I do wrong?
37:19Why are you so angry?
37:21Insufficient funds.
37:23Excuse me?
37:24After all I've given you?
37:26Suddenly I'm insufficient?
37:28What?
37:29You seem to have enough for everyone else,
37:30and when it comes to me, you have nothing?
37:32Would you like another transaction?
37:35I don't want to get in a fight with you right now, okay?
37:38Why don't you just give me $100, okay?
37:42Do you need more time?
37:44What?
37:45No, no, no, no.
37:46You're always the one who needs more time, more space.
37:49I know what I want.
37:51Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
37:55I know what this is about.
37:57This is because I used the machine over at the 7-Eleven, isn't it?
38:02Okay, listen, listen.
38:03I was drunk.
38:04I needed money.
38:06He was there.
38:07It was just a one-time thing.
38:10It meant nothing.
38:12Come back again soon.
38:14Oh, sweetie, sweetie, I know that you're sad.
38:17And I'm sorry.
38:19It will never happen again.
38:22Machine being serviced.
38:24Temporarily unavailable for transactions.
38:26That is so like you.
38:28You know, when things get a little tough, you just shut down.
38:31You know, my friends were right.
38:33I should have gone to Wells Fargo.
38:35I'll tell you what, buddy.
38:36I don't need you.
38:38I don't need you or any other machine, okay?
38:41We're through.
38:43No, no, no.
38:45Move, move.
38:46Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
38:47Move.
38:48You are not gonna get away with that, okay?
38:51I can't make you love me if you don't.
38:54But I deserve an explanation.
38:57And I don't want to stand here until I get one.
39:00You can get on that baby!
39:02Improper security code entered.
39:05You bastard!
39:07Card being destroyed.
39:09What?
39:10No, no, no!
39:11What are you doing?
39:12What are you gonna just pretend like I never existed?
39:15What is this?
39:16What am I supposed to do now?
39:18You've destroyed my credit rating.
39:21What am I supposed to find someone else?
39:23Who's gonna want me now?
39:25Oh!
39:26Oh!
39:27Oh!
39:28How are you today?
39:29Oh, look at me!
39:30I'm sorry.
39:31I'm sorry.
39:32I'm making a scene.
39:33I'm sorry.
39:34Never mind.
39:35I'll just go.
39:36I think that's the best.
39:38And hey, when I see you on the street, I might just pretend that I don't know you.
39:43I don't know that we could ever just be friends.
39:46Bye.
39:47Hey, sweetie.
39:51Look out for him.
39:53Oh, sure.
39:54He's got lots of money.
39:55Looks good.
39:56But he will tear your heart out!
39:59Jesus.
40:00Going pretty fast.
40:01Oh, my God.
40:09Your hopes are going pretty.
40:12Kyle, number 6.
40:15Go on, Brad.
40:16Oh
40:32I'm looking for one and I know
40:46For Kyle press pound six four five
41:00It's part of the community that goes into mad TV
41:16Thank you
41:23Thank you very much
41:42Thank you, thank you
41:44Look, I've had a great time
41:46And I want to thank the cast and the crew of mad TV
41:48For letting me come and play in their pageant of frivolity
41:53And thank you very much
41:55Good night, please
41:56America, God, go to bed
41:57I see you
41:59I saw the sky and the moon
42:11so you've got to be a championship
42:12That's it?
42:14Oh, my God.
42:21Yeah, thank you.
42:26Hey, John, you're welcome.
42:34Hey, John.
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