- 4 hours ago
Season 2 Episode 11
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01On the next MADtv...
00:03I'm a cop and a darn good one.
00:05...crime-fighting angels...
00:07...in black and white...
00:08Free, sucker!
00:09Police, you're under arrest.
00:11Check out the new girls.
00:13We're not undercover cops, if that's what you're thinking.
00:16...and the bad boy of b-ball sets kids straight.
00:19You gotta be loose. You gotta be wide open.
00:21You gotta party and party and party.
00:24Next on MADtv...
00:26You are not watching MADtv.
00:30You are not watching MADtv.
00:36MAD!
00:39Ladies and gentlemen, please rise and join Whitney Houston...
00:43...in the singing of our national anthem.
00:53Oh, say can you sing...
00:58I'm like that. I started too high.
01:07This is bad.
01:14I'm in hell.
01:15That organist is dead.
01:22Whose broad stripes and bright stars...
01:29Dead!
01:30Through the perilous fight...
01:37Help me, Bobby.
01:38O'er the ramparts we watched...
01:43...were so gallantly streaming...
01:49Okay, here we go.
01:52And the rocket's red glare...
01:58Oh my god!
01:59The bombs bursting in air...
02:05300 million people watching.
02:07Gave proof through the night...
02:13That our flag was still there...
02:20If anybody says one thing to me...
02:22Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave...
02:33Okay, girl, suck it up, suck it up.
02:35O'er the land of the free...
02:39Oh, Lord, that hurt!
02:42Oh, Lord, that hurt!
02:43And the home...
02:46Oh, God...
02:50Forget it, Whitney.
02:51Red...
02:58Some people will get fired.
03:00Others will die.
03:19You're so...
03:21Crazy!
03:23You are now watching Mad TV.
03:44Hey, everybody.
03:46You have tuned in to Mad TV.
03:48This is the cast of Mad TV.
03:50The cast of Mad TV is very excited.
03:53Why?
03:54Because tonight is our very super Super Bowl show.
04:02That's right, the Super Bowl show.
04:05And what better place to be doing the Super Bowl show
04:07than in Los Angeles where we have no freaking football team.
04:13Ten million people in L.A. and no pro football.
04:17It's eight people in the Carolinas.
04:19They got a football team.
04:21It sucks here.
04:22It sucks.
04:23All I do now on Sundays is pray for a new team.
04:27We got no Raiders.
04:28They went to Oakland.
04:29We got no Rams.
04:30They went to St. Louis.
04:32St. freaking Louis, people.
04:35But they left us the Clippers.
04:37Oh, yeah.
04:38Yippee-ki-yay.
04:39The Clippers.
04:41Hell, I used to play in the damn Clippers.
04:43It's not fair.
04:44It's not fair.
04:46I know.
04:47I know.
04:47Okay?
04:49Enjoy the show.
04:50You're okay.
04:50We just have two things.
04:51We got nothing.
04:52We got nothing.
04:53Nothing.
04:54Tired of the same old boring celebrations?
05:06Why not celebrate like the pros do?
05:11Supercharge your celebration with your own Graterade home celebration kit.
05:15Look, Mom, no candies.
05:17Great.
05:21And with Graterade handy 40-gallon drums, you'll have enough for every occasion.
05:27I now pronounce you man and wife.
05:33So whether it's baby's first steps.
05:36Look, he's walking.
05:39Or successful open heart surgery.
05:42There.
05:42You did it, Doctor.
05:45You saved him.
05:49Graterade spelt excitement, so make it a moment to remember with the Graterade home celebration kit.
05:56Come on.
05:57Clear.
05:57Graterade, it's not just for drinking anymore.
06:00Are you clear?
06:02Ice cubes not included.
06:03Clear.
06:12No one has ever made me feel like that before.
06:29Me too.
06:32I'm sorry about the headboard.
06:33Oh, it's all right.
06:36Guess I got a little carried away.
06:37Oh, and half.
06:39Oh, my God.
06:44Oh, my God.
06:45Oh, my God.
06:46My husband's home.
06:48You're good, huh?
06:48No.
06:49No, I'm not.
06:50I'm not.
06:51What?
06:51You didn't say anything about being married.
06:53Uh, it's lit my mind.
06:54Uh, okay.
06:56You just stay there.
06:57Please, please, don't make a sound.
06:59And I'm going to handle this as best I can.
07:01Okay.
07:02Okay.
07:02Honey!
07:03Surprise!
07:04Hey, sweetie!
07:06Hey!
07:07What are you doing home?
07:09You okay?
07:10Oh, yeah, I'm great.
07:11What are you doing in your robe in the middle of the day?
07:13Uh, you know, I didn't feel so good.
07:16Oh.
07:16Yeah.
07:16So, what are you doing home?
07:18So darn early, huh?
07:19Well, I had a meeting on this side of town, so I thought I'd stop by and have a little
07:23lunch, if that's all right with you.
07:25Oh, that's fine.
07:28Whose jacket is that?
07:30I'm sorry, what?
07:32Whose jacket is that?
07:34Jack?
07:35Huh.
07:36Uh, I, I, I don't know.
07:38Uh, yours?
07:40No, it's not my jacket.
07:41Whose freaking jacket is that?
07:42Uh, God, that, I don't, that's odd, isn't it?
07:45I don't know.
07:46Um, oh.
07:49You found, Merry Christmas!
07:51Do you, do you like it?
07:54You're cheating on me.
07:56I knew it.
07:57I freaking knew it.
07:58All right, sweetie, sweetie, calm down.
07:59This is not what it looks like.
08:00Oh, oh, really?
08:01Really, Lauren?
08:02Tell me then, what does it look like, huh?
08:03What does it look like?
08:05Hi.
08:06Like that.
08:08Oh.
08:10There's been a big mistake here.
08:12I didn't know she was married.
08:14And I certainly don't mean you in disrespecting your own house.
08:17Oh, boy.
08:18Lauren, I love you.
08:18How could you do this to me, huh?
08:20How could you do this to me?
08:21He's not me.
08:21Hey, you shut up.
08:22I'll be with you to...
08:24Hey, wait a minute.
08:25You're Brian Bosworth.
08:27Yeah.
08:28But I, still, you got that.
08:29I didn't know she was married, right?
08:30Wait, wait, wait.
08:30Let me get this straight.
08:31Hold on.
08:31You're telling me that you, Brian Bosworth, came into my house and had sex with my wife?
08:38Yeah.
08:39Huh?
08:40Yes!
08:41Yes!
08:42Yes!
08:43Oh, my God!
08:44This is incredible!
08:45What?
08:46You've been my hero since college.
08:47I went to Oklahoma, too, man!
08:48Really?
08:49Yes!
08:50I even had the boss cut!
08:51Get out of here!
08:52Go sooner!
08:53Yeah!
08:54Hi!
08:55Oh, I've always wanted to meet you.
08:56Not only do I meet you, but you did my wife!
08:57Sure did!
08:58Oh, man, honey, you are the best.
08:59I'll second that.
09:00Oh, hey, listen.
09:01Did you guys use a condom?
09:02Yes!
09:03Oh, honey!
09:04We kind of had a line back.
09:05Bradley!
09:06What?
09:07You're not even mad?
09:08Are you kidding me?
09:09I've never been this close to an NFL lineman before.
09:12Well, you know something, Brad, I think if I were you, I'd be a little upset.
09:15You still look like you're an amazing guy.
09:17You're not even mad.
09:18Are you kidding me?
09:20I've never been this close to an NFL lineman before.
09:23Well, you know something, Brad, I think if I were you, I'd be a little upset.
09:26You still look like you're an amazing guy.
09:28Look at the arms on this guy.
09:30He's rocked!
09:31Right, honey?
09:32Yeah, he is.
09:33Yeah, he is.
09:34Let me ask you something.
09:36What brought you out of football?
09:38You wanted to get into, like, the Hollywood thing, the movies?
09:40Yeah, what was that about?
09:41You know, funny you should ask.
09:42Everybody asks that question.
09:43It's real quite simple.
09:44You see, my shoulders, they kind of went south, so I couldn't throw the...
09:48You know, I'm going to leave you two alone.
09:52Oh, no, no, wait, wait, wait, listen, listen, listen.
09:54The guys at the office will never believe this happened.
09:56I just want to get a little of this on video.
09:57You guys don't mind doing it again, do you?
10:02Uh, I mean, I don't know, boss.
10:05I'm up for it if you're up for it.
10:11Yeah.
10:12Okay.
10:13All right, man.
10:14I'm just going to get the video camera, okay?
10:15No, I'll put it somewhere.
10:16I'm just going to find it.
10:17Hey!
10:18Don't you guys start in there without me?
10:22Uh-huh!
10:23I got it!
10:24I got it, man!
10:25I got it!
10:26I got it!
10:27I got it!
10:28I got it!
10:29I got it!
10:30Tonight, from the archives of MADtv, we proudly present the Emmy-nominated episode from the 1977 season of Coco and LeBlanc.
10:37May not be suitable for highly critical viewers.
10:39Coco and LeBlanc.
10:43Starring Madera Swain.
10:44And Britt Jorgensen.
10:45With special guest, Charles Nelson Reilly.
10:46Tonight's episode, they're down with murder to go.
10:50Coco here.
11:16Is LeBlanc there?
11:17right here boss did you get the envelope it's right in front of us open it who's he his name
11:26is Lonnie Blake a Vietnam vet with some serious problems how so we've got a tip he's threatening
11:33to blow up the stadium at the Super Bowl on Sunday sounds like a real sweetheart I need you
11:38two to go undercover as cheerleaders to stop this nut forget it I'm a cop and a darn good one but
11:44I'm not going to degrade myself or womankind in general by parading around half naked sounds
11:50like someone's a little uptight about her body yeah well at least I finished high school yeah
11:56well at least I bathe every once in a while yeah well at least I'm not an alcoholic
12:02sorry partner that was completely uncalled for that one did go over the line LeBlanc
12:14come on sister let's rock and roll
12:18check out the new girls where did you two come from we're not undercover cops if that's what
12:39you're thinking good comeback you girls are okay see you at the football court yeah go pirates right on
12:49how are we ever supposed to find this guy he could be anywhere
13:09football bomb activated there must be 80,000 men up there sounds like your bedroom on a weekend
13:17oh yeah well at least I'm not frigid well at least I didn't get my baby up for adoption well at least I'm not a necrophiliac
13:24I'm sorry partner that was totally uncalled for
13:31something's fishy come on partner what's going on inside that head of yours referee there's something funny about him
13:52drink milk drink milk there we go
13:55it's him
13:57freeze sucker
14:00police you're under arrest
14:03it's too late pigs we're all going up in a blaze of glory
14:06where's the bomb creep
14:11have you ever just wanted to blow everyone in a football stadium
14:14up
14:21look sister this country turned me into a murderer when they sent me over to an arm a killing machine and then to top it off I got an infection and it wasn't even a good time
14:29the bomb
14:31the bomb
14:32it's over there
14:33the football
14:35the football
14:36cover
14:40nice
14:44the bomb
14:57the bomb
14:58I'm open
15:09yeah well at least my mother never smoked Mary Jane
15:12jane
15:15Coco here
15:16Coco
15:17LeBlanc
15:18good job
15:19thanks boss
15:20not only did you save a stadium full of people but that explosion in the Atlantic blew up a Cuban submarine with missiles aimed at Washington
15:27just doing our job boss
15:29oh and ladies
15:30yeah boss
15:31nice team work
15:33ever thought of going out for the pros
15:35no way
15:36we're too busy taking care of the cons
15:39after the super bowl on sly like fox super sunday
15:52so alien how do you like what we call football
15:55it's thrilling but I failed to see how your super brown oval chase will help repair my spaceship that you destroyed
16:00hey you parked under that oak tree I was chopping down
16:03what's going on out there who are you talking to
16:07uh it's just a friend ma
16:09Al
16:10Al
16:11Al Ian
16:12Dazz Newt
16:13now I'll never get home to pleep
16:15and it's all your fault
16:16hey I told you I'd help you make a new spaceship out of wood so don't bite my head off
16:20I'd like to
16:21but I'm all out of you dairy and hot sauce
16:24what the
16:26the lumberjack the alien and the bedridden mom
16:29right after the super bowl on sly like fox super sunday
16:54okay men
16:57listen up men
16:58I know it was a big loss
17:00and I know it hurts men
17:02but we're playing our hearts out out there
17:04and I believe we still got a shot at the ball game
17:07hello there boys
17:09what growled up this locker room's ass and died
17:21okay man the media is here
17:24and I want you to put this loss behind you understand me
17:26okay you know what
17:27I think they can put their entire careers behind them
17:30hi we're live here at the Carolina State Pitbull's locker room
17:34and if you ask me we should do the humane thing and have them all destroyed
17:38okay let's see if we can't get an interview with this gloomy cuz over here
17:43okay this is Dan Conway star quarterback
17:47my bad let's just say quarterback
17:50okay Dan what's going on in that little head of yours
17:53considering that you dedicated this game to your sick grandfather
17:56well all I can say is that I gave a hundred and ten percent
17:59and uh Grandpa don't worry there's always next week
18:03you know but
18:05uh uh yeah no your grandfather checked out about halfway through the third quarter
18:10right after you threw that fourth interception
18:13what
18:14yeah he must not know a lot about football
18:16cuz it was only second down when he kicked it
18:20careful
18:21oh
18:22careful
18:23okay okay
18:24well good luck I hope you have an easier time finding his grave site
18:27than you did your receivers this afternoon yeah
18:30oh
18:31that was fun
18:32oh goody
18:33let's see we've got the Pitbull's running back
18:36Terry McElroy right here
18:38Terry any comments on today's travesty
18:41well uh first of all I'd just like to thank God for giving me the strength
18:44win or lose he's always there with me
18:47and my mom you're number one
18:49yeah that's original
18:51okay folks you heard it here for the 15th million time
18:55wow okay Terry what do you think was the team's biggest mistake out there today
19:00oh besides showing up
19:03all I know is it's a great group of guys you know we do anything for each other
19:07we like one big family
19:08okay and what would that make you the retarded secret to keep in the basement
19:13and the basement
19:14hey I'll have to stand here and take that
19:16oh no you could fall down and take it like you did all afternoon
19:20you know I'm playing on a hurt knee
19:22oh you know you're right you did have one thing go right for you today
19:26yeah
19:27your grandfather didn't die
19:28wow boy
19:29hey you know what lady you're way out of line
19:31okay sir don't tell me
19:32I'd like to see you try and do what we're doing out here
19:33la la la la
19:34la la
19:35bye bye
19:36thank you okay
19:37shoo
19:38wow
19:39okay
19:40I guess that would be the downside of steroids wouldn't it
19:45or maybe it's just cold in here
19:47I don't
19:48okay man
19:51it's enough of these interviews
19:53ma'am could you please turn off the camera
19:55coach that's not what you were saying to me last night now is it
19:59okay Kathy you wanna give me a break here please
20:02you know coach I think what your team needs is maybe a great big cheer
20:05okay boys
20:07give me a you
20:08you
20:09give me a suck
20:10come on ma'am huddle up here huddle up huddle up
20:15okay coach
20:16are you gonna be giving them the same speech that you gave to your bookie last night
20:20now what was it that just said oh
20:22this team has no chance of winning five grand says they don't cover the spread that was it
20:26wait a minute you bet against us
20:28man
20:30next week's game is a pit game
20:32oh not for you it ain't
20:34hold on man
20:35wow
20:36now that's what I like to call good old fashioned teamwork
20:39yeah hi
20:40I'm signing out from the pit bulls loser room
20:42this is Kathy Wojnowski reminding you to have your pit bulls spade or neuter
20:46and tune in next week when you see the pit bulls lick themselves
20:50okay bye bye
20:51thank you
20:52bye bye
20:53each year two beers meet to determine who the true champion will be
21:05the ultimate battle
21:07the ultimate challenge
21:08bud bull
21:09the champion
21:10confident
21:11cocky
21:12proven
21:13bud
21:14they earn the right to be called the best
21:16but there's a challenger who wants a piece of immortality
21:19and they'll do just about anything to get it
21:22bud light
21:23tonight
21:24these two beers meet bottle to bottle to settle once and for all
21:28who is the superior beer in bud bowl five
21:32hello everybody welcome to bud bowl five we're here at the toilet bowl and this sold out crowd is in for a hell of a game
21:42i'm stan adams here in the booth with paul sainty girl
21:44oh this is a real grudge match stan it's bud versus bud light in a battle for superiority a whole season of pressure is about to come to a head
21:54you said a cool refreshing mouthful paulie these boys are drunk with desire there is a battle royale ruin so let's hop to it and take a look at our teams
22:02and the bud team takes the field and the bud team takes the field they've had a tough road to hoe this season but they're refreshed and ready to go
22:09the bud team's ace in the hole is quarterback ted bruski
22:14he almost missed the season after he was badly skunked in detroit
22:17but thanks to his full body conditioning and nutty aftertaste he's back and he tastes great
22:22tastes great actually he's back and he's less filling tastes great less filling but the bud light team is no near beer paulie
22:29they're the real deal posting a record of 15 wins and one loss
22:34call it in the air
22:36heads
22:37it's heads
22:39Vud elects to receive
22:41all right
22:42Vud will receive
22:44and the kickoff is moments away
22:46oh this crowd is going berserk stan
22:48these beers came to play
22:51there's the kickoff
22:52and the bud ball five is underway
22:55Billy Schlitz is under it
22:57he's got it
22:58Billy's taking it up the right
22:59he's on the 20
23:01the 30
23:02oh my god
23:05they've all shattered
23:07this is horrible
23:08horrible
23:09I've never seen anything like this
23:10this is tragic
23:11I think I'm gonna be sick
23:13my label
23:15I can't feel my label
23:17oh the humanity
23:19let's go to a commercial now
23:21I'm speechless
23:22this is Stan Adams signing off for Bud Bowl 5
23:25this game has been brought to you by
23:27hurts reticard
23:28it hurts so good
23:29hurts
23:30and froditos
23:31the snack that's so good it'll have you saying
23:33hey you son of a bitch get your hand out of my bag
23:35froditos
23:37coming up on mad tv
23:41life is one big party james
23:43you gotta be loose
23:44you gotta be wide open
23:45you gotta party
23:46and party
23:47and party
23:48don't waste time line up line up line up
23:54go green guys go go
23:56pick
23:58man
23:59i can't believe it mr. Nathan
24:10i can't believe we lost the game
24:12i'm having a hard time believing it myself Tony
24:27it's mr. woogie sir
24:29whatever
24:30yeah
24:31i mean what the hell happened out there
24:33we blew a big game championship
24:35we had home field advantage
24:36we beat him twice this season already
24:37i mean i don't know
24:39what's your guess
24:42you're the owner
24:43my guess is we lost a championship game
24:46because a giant bear ran into the field
24:48and intercepted a pass
24:54i was hoping
24:57yeah the other team made a huge mistake
24:59when they forgot to assign somebody to cover mr. woogie
25:02i scored
25:05no no
25:06you didn't score
25:08scoring
25:09scoring is when somebody from my football team
25:11runs into the end zone
25:12and they put points
25:13up on the scoreboard
25:15scoring is not
25:17when the mascot
25:18runs into the field
25:19and intercepts the pass
25:20can you see the difference
25:22they had no right to disqualify my touchdown
25:25you have to actually be on the team
25:27to score a touchdown
25:29so now i'm not on the team huh
25:32and all that talk about
25:33oh mr. woogie
25:34you're such a valuable member of the team
25:35that was just blowing smoke up my ass wasn't it
25:39this kills me
25:40lord it burns me up
25:42i bust my butt for this organization
25:44what do i get
25:45you know
25:46there isn't a playground across this country
25:48where kids aren't doing the big bad bear woogie boogie
25:50boogie
25:51boogie
25:56enough with the big bad bear woogie boogie tony
25:59there's your problem mr. Nathan
26:01you don't take mr. woogie seriously
26:03take off the head tony
26:07it's mr. woogie
26:09mr. woogie
26:10mr. woogie
26:11what the hell is so hot about saying mr. woogie
26:13take off the head
26:15why
26:16because i want to be sure i'm firing the right guy
26:18you want to fire mr. woogie come on and fire mr. woogie
26:22i want to fire tony lorenzo belmont
26:25yeah
26:26well i got news for you pal
26:28tony belmont is dead
26:29and you know what i'm glad he's dead
26:32cause tony belmont was a monkey on mr. woogie's back
26:34and they can't bury that loser son of a bitch
26:36fast enough
26:37or deep enough for me
26:39cause as of today
26:40there's only mr. woogie team mascot
26:42no no no
26:43as of today
26:44there's only mr. woogie
26:45unemployed
26:46team
26:47mascot
26:48i'm sorry
26:51i'm sorry
26:52please don't worry mr. woogie
26:53mr. woogie will be good
26:54get the hell out of my office tony
26:56no
26:57look mr. woogie will do anything
26:58i'll do anything you want
26:59i know
27:01i know
27:03come on
27:04you can't tell me you haven't thought about what it'd be like eh
27:07you and mr. woogie eh
27:09see how soft mr. woogie is eh
27:13get out of here you freak
27:15yeah i'm a freak and you love it
27:17get off of me
27:20show some dignity and leave
27:23leave
27:24see you mr. Nathan
27:27sorry i'm late
27:29ahem
27:31mr. woogie meet sir sniffleot
27:33your replacement
27:35oh
27:37oh
27:38well
27:39sir sniffleot
27:41if that is your real name
27:43i'm sure you're fitting quite well here
27:46yeah
27:47best of luck to you
27:48best of luck
27:49ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta
27:52thank you very much for coming sir sniffleot my public relations people tell me that you
27:59dirty
28:00security i have mr. woogie on sir sniffleot would you send someone up to separate them please
28:09oh
28:15ah
28:17oh
28:19oh
28:21oh
28:23After the Super Bowl on Sly Like Fox Super Sunday!
28:43Oh boy, this sure is an exciting game.
28:46My radio just broke. Who's winning?
28:49Green Bay, Ma!
28:50I did my first anal probe in Green Bay.
28:53Yeah, yeah, ain't no probes.
28:55Hey, where'd you get that foam rubber finger from?
28:58What foam rubber finger?
29:00What the?
29:01The Lumberjack, the Alien, and the Bedridden Mom.
29:04Right after the Super Bowl on Sly Like Fox Super Sunday!
29:08Cookie.
29:10Crazy.
29:10Mad.
29:11Yes.
29:11You've got that down.
29:12Crazy.
29:13Mad TV.
29:14Come on.
29:14Yes.
29:14Come on.
29:17You are now watching Mad TV.
29:23And now, children's letters to Dennis Rodman.
29:29Hey, kids.
29:30Growing up is always a struggle.
29:32Take it from me, Dennis Rodman.
29:35I know what it's like.
29:36Most of my life, I was WFO.
29:38Wide, mm, open, you know?
29:40So today, I'm going to be reading some letters from some very special children.
29:45Now, this letter comes from James, age 13.
29:48Dear Dennis, I ran away from home two weeks ago.
29:52I'm hungry.
29:53I'm cold.
29:53I'm scared.
29:55Should I go back home?
29:56I don't know what to do.
29:58Signed, James.
30:00Well, James, people like Dennis Rodman, we're not accepted in life, right?
30:03Dennis Rodman is different, right?
30:05Dennis Rodman is funky.
30:06Dennis Rodman changes people's lives, you know?
30:09Dennis Rodman likes to play with people, and people like to play with Dennis Rodman.
30:12You know, I mean, what the hell is fame, James?
30:15You know, I'm a bad boy right now.
30:16You know, I'm bouncing.
30:17You know, I'm not ashamed of my body.
30:18My body's not ashamed of me.
30:20Huh?
30:20But you got to try something new, you know, something different.
30:22I mean, life is one big party, James.
30:24You got to be loose, you got to be wide open, you got to party and party and party.
30:30I hope that helps.
30:32Next.
30:35Next letter is from Eugene.
30:37He 10 years old.
30:39Dear Dennis, my teacher's always keeping me after school for stuff I ain't even do.
30:44How should I deal with this?
30:45Signed, Eugene.
30:47Well, Eugene, the first thing you got to do is change that bitch-ass name.
30:52The second thing you got to do, man, is get a haircut, man.
30:56You look like Malibu Barbie or something, you know?
30:59But this is what I suggest to you.
31:01You wait until after school when everybody's gone, right?
31:04You lock the door, okay?
31:06And then you take your teacher in the corner, you sink her elbow in her chest, right?
31:10Then you headbutt in her chin, and then when she's all dazed and confused,
31:14you grab her by the jersey and slam her butt on the floor.
31:16You got to get in her head, James.
31:18You got to mess with the game.
31:20If that don't work, you got to be loose, baby.
31:23You got to be wide open, you know, because I'm bouncing right now.
31:26Dennis Rodman like to play with people, and people like to play with Dennis Rodman.
31:29Somebody shamed in my body.
31:31Who got next?
31:34This is from Sarah.
31:36She ate.
31:38Dear Dennis, my parents are going to get a divorce.
31:41That would make me so unhappy.
31:43Okay, you are my hero.
31:45Oh, this is a nice one.
31:46Please help me.
31:47Sign Sarah.
31:49Well, Sarah, what's your mama look like?
31:52She real good looking?
31:53Send me this Rodman picture.
31:56If she ain't, she butt ugly.
31:57Send me this Rodman picture of your daddy.
32:00Seriously.
32:02But here's what Dennis Rodman does when he's unhappy.
32:05Okay, first I find a new place to pierce myself, right?
32:08And then I put on my favorite wedding dress and my board.
32:11Sometimes I wear the pink one, or the green one, or the blue one.
32:13Whatever matches my lipstick, right?
32:15And then I go to Vegas with 200 of my closest friends, and I do them all twice.
32:20Because that gets me bouncing, right?
32:22Because Dennis Rodman likes to play with people, and people like to play with Dennis Rodman.
32:25Because you know I'm not ashamed of my body, right?
32:28My body not ashamed of me.
32:30But you eight years old.
32:31What the hell you know?
32:32Sweet, yes, I kill.
32:33Uh, that's all the time we have for children's letters to Dennis Rodman.
32:38Send your letters to Box Out, Box 69, Borman, Florida, 32801.
32:44Oh, man, I can't believe this.
32:59They can do it.
33:00They can definitely do it.
33:01I don't know, my friend.
33:0180 years ago and no timeouts.
33:04Who's this?
33:05Hey, Donna.
33:11Yeah.
33:12How are you doing here?
33:14Well, you're here to watch the big game.
33:16The Super Bowl.
33:17Why?
33:18Well, if you're working, you said you're having some guys who have to watch the game.
33:21Right, but if they're...
33:21Oh, there they are.
33:23Hey, guys.
33:24I'm a friend of Donna's.
33:25We work together.
33:26Well, I mean, we don't actually work together, you know, because he's a dispatcher and I'm a driver.
33:29You know, so I just hear him a lot.
33:30You know, it's like, hey, car 18, there's a pickup on 97.
33:32Roger, copy.
33:34I'm Jack.
33:35Brett, how you doing?
33:36Hey, Brett.
33:36Super Bowl Sunday.
33:38Hey, game's back on.
33:39Game's back on.
33:40Hey, I'm Jack.
33:41Oh, that's cool.
33:42Yeah, you're into the game.
33:43Yeah, totally.
33:43Me too.
33:44Go football.
33:48Yeah, it's a nice apartment, Don.
33:50But, you know, you should move the TV so you don't get so much glare.
33:53You know, I can move it for you now if you want.
33:54Jack, no one's moving the TV.
33:55Just sit down.
33:56The game's almost over.
33:57Right.
33:57Oh, first down.
33:58Yes, come on, come on, come on.
34:00Yeah, yeah.
34:00You know, I would have been here a lot sooner, you know, but I tried to get here without directions,
34:03just to kind of test myself.
34:05You know, but my shortcut didn't work out.
34:06But I know a really cool way to San Diego now.
34:10You know, and then when I got here, I couldn't remember if it was 3A or 2C.
34:132C.
34:14Oh, totally.
34:14Stay away from 3A.
34:15Look at this really mean dog, you know.
34:17It's a good thing I had this.
34:19Oh, you're crazy, man.
34:21It hurt my ears.
34:22Oh, sorry.
34:23Ow, ow.
34:24Oh, come on.
34:24Come on, come on.
34:26So, you like football, huh?
34:28Yeah, I like football.
34:30Yeah, me too.
34:31Yeah, I used to play football when I was a kid.
34:32Well, actually, it was soccer, but they call it football in England.
34:36You know, they call it the elevator or lift in England.
34:38Yeah, and they call the bathroom a loo.
34:40The loo.
34:41Believe that?
34:42Oh, it's like, hey, where's the loo?
34:43Anybody come into the loo?
34:44Who's playing, anyway?
34:47Jack, just watch the game.
34:48Right, right, the game.
34:49Super Bowl.
34:50Do or die.
34:51Game of inches.
34:52It's a passing appearance.
34:53What?
34:54Whoa!
34:57Whoa!
34:59Don.
35:00Whoa!
35:02Don.
35:02Jack, why don't you get a beer?
35:04Yeah, totally.
35:05Gotta get a brew.
35:06It's a Super Bowl.
35:06Be one of the guys.
35:07Grab a brewski.
35:08No problem.
35:09Get out of bounds.
35:10Get out of bounds.
35:10Get out of bounds.
35:11Hey, does anybody else want a beer?
35:12Jack, no, man.
35:13No, no.
35:13If we have a move, I'm going to kill him.
35:15Jack, just get a beer, sit down, and watch the game, okay?
35:20Well, duh.
35:20That's what we're here for.
35:24Whoa!
35:25No!
35:25How do you rock that?
35:26Rock that!
35:28What happened?
35:28Did we win?
35:29Did they win?
35:29What happened?
35:30Okay, what happened?
35:30Line up, line up, line up, line up, line up.
35:31Don't waste time.
35:32Line up, line up.
35:33Line up.
35:34Go, green guys.
35:35Go, go.
35:37Get me.
35:38Get the hell out of here.
35:39Now, you don't watch the game.
35:40You don't know anything about football.
35:41You don't even know who's playing.
35:42Jack, get your stuff and go now.
35:44Now!
35:44Super Bowl, you moron!
35:46Hey, this guy's look real happy.
35:49Unbelievable, unbelievable.
35:50In my 25 years, I've never seen anything like that.
35:53What happened?
35:55What happened?
35:56You guys should have seen it.
35:57There's one guy who's running down the field, trying to catch the ball, and then it was
36:00bobbling in his hands, and this guy hit him, right?
36:02And the ball went flying up in the air.
36:03This other guy jumped up and caught the ball, right?
36:05He's running past 10 guys.
36:06And this other guy threw the ball to him.
36:08The guy grabbed it, went over this one dude, and landed a little rectangle in the back.
36:11We missed it!
36:16Replay!
36:17And that's the game.
36:18Stay tuned for the lumberjack, the alien, and the bedridden mom next.
36:21Hey!
36:23That's the same score I had in the office pool.
36:25Cool.
36:27See your work tomorrow.
36:28How much did he win?
36:31You don't want to know.
36:32Replay!
36:33Come on!
36:34Replay!
36:35Damn it!
36:35Replay!
36:36Replay!
36:36Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Dom Irera.
37:08Go Packers!
37:11Go Packers!
37:13Packers back!
37:14Packers back.
37:15Hey, after 30 years, they should be back, huh?
37:18ESPN.
37:19I love sports, huh?
37:20I wish there was an ESPN 6.
37:22I would watch anything.
37:22I would watch Persian women toe wrestling.
37:25Come on!
37:26Come on!
37:26Skate on her face, Mugaba!
37:28I'm from Philadelphia.
37:31A lot of sports in Philadelphia.
37:32A lot of fighting.
37:33Everybody had their own style of fighting.
37:35Black guys would tell you straight out, I'm going to mess you up, man.
37:38I'm going to mess you up.
37:39I'm going to hit you so hard when you wake up, your clothes going to be out of style.
37:42I'm going to mess you up.
37:45The higher they talked, the harder they were going to hit you.
37:47I'm going to mess you up, man.
37:49I'm going to mess you up.
37:50I'm going to mess you up.
37:51What are you doing?
37:52What are you doing?
37:53The Italian guys would give you options.
37:55How would you like that I take your head, all right?
37:58And I rip it out of the next socket, and I start banking debris off your clavicle.
38:02Or I could rip your arms and legs off and swing it around like a raggedy in a helicopter
38:06dog.
38:07Then we got a summer program you may be interested in, my friend.
38:12Jewish guys would prolong the dialogue.
38:14When you talk about a fight, you talk about a physical confrontation or a verbal assault
38:17which can be just as devastating psychologically.
38:19The emotional scars are a verbal assault that make you talk like Jackie Mason, eventually
38:22tradition, tradition.
38:24Tom Herrera does fiddler.
38:26It's unbelievable.
38:28Spanish guys would tell you straight out, I cut you, you cacarosh.
38:35Nobody wanted to fight more than the Irish guys.
38:37The Irish guys would fight at the drop of a hat.
38:39They were incredulous that you wanted to fight.
38:41You want to fight me, man?
38:42You want to fight me?
38:43I'll tell you what, man.
38:43You better kill me, man.
38:44Because I'm mental and I never forget.
38:49You better crush my body the size of a pea, because if this one finger lives, I'll haunt
38:55you with it.
38:56I'll jump up and down in front of your window at night when you're having dinner.
38:58I'll climb up your steps like a slinkly splitter over your head and gouge you in the eye, man.
39:04Mental.
39:06I love fighting.
39:07I love boxing.
39:08Boxing is crazy.
39:09They fight until the end and then they hug.
39:11I love that.
39:12I'm going to kill you, man.
39:13Bing.
39:14I was so wrong about you.
39:15Come here.
39:15Hold me.
39:16Come here.
39:16Take a little.
39:17Let me pull down your trumps just a little bit there.
39:20I love people.
39:21People have no concept of sports, you know?
39:23Watching the Cowboys play, a friend of mine's sitting next to me.
39:26Emmett Smith scores a touchdown.
39:27He goes, look at that, man.
39:28He says, give me the ball.
39:29I could run through that hole.
39:31I said, yeah, but you know what?
39:32Andy, 130 pounds with the withered arm and the limp.
39:36I don't think you make the cut.
39:38You know what I'm saying?
39:39I don't think you make the squad.
39:41Same thing in boxing.
39:43Watching the Tyson-Spinx fight in Atlantic City a couple years ago.
39:46This guy named Gene's sitting beside me.
39:48Spinx gets knocked out in 90 seconds.
39:50He goes, man, I would last longer than I'd just stay away from him.
39:52Like, it's that easy.
39:54Like, you know, I see, you know, like, like, he's going to fight Tyson.
39:57Like, who's, who's Tyson fighting tonight?
39:58I don't know, some guy named Gene.
39:59Let me put down $1,500.
40:01What's he going to do?
40:01He's going to stay away from him.
40:02Oh, that sounds like a good fight.
40:03He's going to grease his body up.
40:05The auto body repair guy.
40:08Now, Muggsy Bogues is amazing.
40:10Muggsy Bogues, five foot three and a half, plays in the NBA.
40:12Five foot three.
40:14I tell my cousin Louie, I said, you've got to see Muggsy Bogues.
40:16He's five three and a half, plays in the NBA.
40:17He goes, what, is he fast?
40:19No, he's a slow, fat, lumbering five three and a half.
40:22He's got a planter's wart in the arch of his foot.
40:25I've been great.
40:26After the Super Bowl on Sly Like Fox Super Sunday.
40:39Ah, that was a good game.
40:41Mm-hmm.
40:42Let's see what else is on.
40:43Help shrink swelling of hemorrhoidal tissue.
40:45Skipper, professor, skipper, professor.
40:48Genie!
40:49In other news, a six-year-old girl is rumored to have fallen down a...
40:51Turn it back on.
40:54I don't want to miss the season premiere of The Lumberjack, The Alien, and The Bedridden Mob.
40:59The what?
41:01The Lumberjack, The Alien, and The Bedridden Mob.
41:04Right after the Super Bowl on Sly Like Fox Super Sunday.
41:16You are now watching Matt TV.
41:23The hilarious Fox sitcom The Lumberjack, The Alien, and The Bedridden Mob
41:27has been canceled and will not be shown after the Super Bowl.
41:30The Lumberjack, The Alien, and The Bedridden Mob
41:32Thank you, thank you.
41:33Thanks for watching, everybody.
41:45We would really like to thank Brian Bosworth for his talent, support, and friendship.
41:49And we'll see you next week.
41:50Enjoy the game tomorrow.
41:52Okay.
41:53Here's the deal.
41:53Now, I'm offering the Buffalo Bills $1,000 of my own money to bring the franchise down
42:00here to L.A.
42:02$500 now and $500 when you move.
42:05I'll throw in an extra $50 for your cheerleaders.
42:09For those of you that are still on the fence, I think all I have to say is $20 below zero.
42:14Why you gonna break your ass off up there in Buffalo when you come down here to, hey, L.A.
42:17They're beautiful.
42:18It's warm.
42:19We got two empty stadiums ready to go.
42:22Just pick the one that isn't jinxed.
42:25Okay.
42:26Here's the check.
42:27All you gotta do now is think of a name.
42:30What is this?
42:31Los Angeles Surfers.
42:32To L.A.
42:34Los Angeles Beach.
42:36To L.A.
42:37The Los Angeles Mestrance.
42:39To L.A.
42:41The Los Angeles Sunbather.
42:43To French.
42:43The Convayables.
42:46To L.A.
42:47Rock Group.
42:48The $1,000 bills.
42:49Stupid.
Recommended
42:56
|
Up next
42:38
41:46
42:31
31:44
42:08
43:00
42:55
42:56
42:56
42:55
42:56
42:34
42:56
42:56
42:36
42:56
42:36
42:07
42:38
42:27
42:45
42:01
42:56
42:05
Be the first to comment