- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 2
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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TVTranscript
00:01You are now watching Mav TV.
00:05Mav!
00:08Hey, Deborah.
00:09Hey.
00:10Listen, something's up.
00:11This is kind of weird, but someone stole all the panties out of my dressing room.
00:15I can't believe you said that. Someone stole all of mine, too.
00:17That is so strange.
00:18But I don't think it's strange, because I really think it's one of them new girls.
00:21You know, Alex does have those shifty little eyes.
00:24And you know what? Lisa's been sneaking around a lot lately.
00:27Let's go have a little talk with them.
00:30Deborah?
00:32Oh, my God.
00:36Ladies and gentlemen, in this time of sadness, we'd like to give a shout-out to a fallen soldier.
00:42Marv Albert.
00:44We've always loved and respected you, Marv.
00:47Now all I guess that's left is love.
00:49Yeah, just love.
00:50You know, Marv, since you pleaded guilty, we're really feeling for you, man.
00:53So, Marv, here's a song that you can take with you wherever the wind may blow you in the next five to whatever years.
00:59Fellas?
01:00Oh, Marv, you really upped the ante when you put on ladies' panties
01:07And you pitted down a woman and a haunt.
01:10You got all up behind her to be passive, you'd remind her.
01:16And out of her back you took a little chunk.
01:19You thought you'd never get in trouble when your sex partners were doubled.
01:24And you say you let them chips fall where they made.
01:28You say you never saw it coming, so you told her to start humming.
01:33But you just screamed and ripped off your toupee.
01:37Oh, Marv, poor Marv.
01:42You fought at first but now you've got to play.
01:46Oh, Marv, poor Marv.
01:49Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:02Oh, Marv, poor Marv.
02:06Will you do time as anybody's guess?
02:09Marv Albert sees an opening and he sees an opening for his friend, too.
02:15Yes!
02:16Look at my stockings, nothing but net.
02:19Remember, no means yes.
02:22Albert winds up, he bites, she scores.
02:26There's a flag on the play.
02:28No, it's just my panties.
02:31I have elected to receive.
02:33Remember, any biting without express written consent from your mistress is strictly prohibited.
02:40He shoots.
02:41Swish!
02:42Albert for three or four if you want to bring your husband.
02:46Yes!
02:47Yes!
02:48Hats off, Marv.
02:50Oh, yes!
02:53He did it!
02:54He scored!
02:55This is going to the hole!
03:00Man!
03:01Come on!
03:02Yeah!
03:03Yeah!
03:04Come on!
03:05Come on!
03:06Man!
03:07Man!
03:08You're so...
03:10Man!
03:11Crazy!
03:15Man!
03:16Ooh...
03:19Man!
03:20Man!
03:24Man!
03:25Man!
03:28Tonight on MADtv, guest host Carmen Electra with Salt-N-Pepa and Dixie Wetsworth.
03:33Who are now watching the TV?
03:36Man!
03:37ćŖćidzy!
03:40Spinęę³roo!
03:42Amen!
03:43Women!
03:44Go!
03:45Go!
03:46Go!
03:47Go!
03:48Go!
03:50Go!
03:51Go!
03:52Go!
03:55Twentes
03:56nat time!
03:58Go!
03:59Go!
04:01Go!
04:02Go!
04:03Go!
04:05I'm here on MADtv because I have to introduce
04:07the host of tonight's show, Carmen Electra.
04:14Wait a minute.
04:15Wait.
04:16I'm sorry, but before I bring Carmen out,
04:19I have to use this time.
04:22You see, Maya Angelou said that we,
04:26we as human beings at best can only create opportunities.
04:29And I'm gonna use this opportunity
04:31the way that I wanna use it.
04:35What I wanna say is,
04:37what I wanna say is, this world is bull .
04:46And that goes out to everyone in this world
04:49and everyone who's watching out there in this world.
04:53Because like when those astronauts went to the moon,
04:56they were the only ones who went there
04:58because they were the only ones that did.
05:01No, shut up, I'm serious, shut up.
05:03This is bull .
05:08Because like everyone in the world is like,
05:10.
05:12Because that's what you all sound like.
05:13No, no, no, you don't sound like that.
05:16You're all really cool, I'm sorry.
05:17It's just, it sucks that I have to be in this world, you know?
05:22And I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for my parents.
05:24Because they were the only ones that could have had me,
05:27and they were the only ones that did.
05:29Ladies and gentlemen, Carmen Electra.
05:46Wait, wait, wait, wait.
05:50No, wait, wait.
05:55This sucks.
05:56This sucks because this is my time and I'm going to use my time.
05:59Maya Angelou said that this is my time.
06:01Would you just shut up for a minute, Frank?
06:06You know, this fact just came in.
06:08I think you should read it.
06:09It's from Maya Angelou.
06:11Dear Flash in the pan, if you mention my name one more time,
06:15I'll kick your whiny little head in.
06:17All right!
06:19Yeah!
06:21Now that's all it is.
06:23All right, everybody, we've got a great show for you tonight.
06:26Salt and Peppers in the house.
06:29All right, great shows and sing around.
06:32You are now watching Mad TV.
06:46You are now watching Mad TV.
06:53Batman 1 introduced you to the legend.
06:59Batman 2, 3, and 4 kept that legend alive.
07:03Now we take you behind the scenes for the making of Joel Schumacher's Batman 5.
07:10I got so tired of Hollywood pressuring me, the creators of the cartoon.
07:17You mean the comic book?
07:19Comic book, whatever.
07:21Throwing their two cents in.
07:23I brought my Batman to the stage because that's where my Batman lives and breathes.
07:31I mean, Kilmer, Clooney, Keaton, somebody make up your mind, you know?
07:40And I did.
07:41For me, there is only one person who can capture the darkness, the mystery, the primal savagery of Batman.
07:52And that's Tommy Toon.
07:53All I ever needed was a bat mask and a bat cape and a place to fight crime for you.
08:05If you give me a thief, then you'll instantly get me involved.
08:12If you give me a crime, you can bet that that thing will get solved.
08:18Hey, Mr. Villain, here are you.
08:30Tommy is unbelievable as Batman.
08:39And Ben Vereen, as Robin, is such a gift.
08:45His Robin and Tommy's Batman had an instant connection.
08:49And to see these two tortured souls in the netherworld of Gotham City
08:54trying desperately to keep each other's spirits high, you know?
08:58It breaks your heart.
09:03Feels good.
09:06Feels right.
09:09We're going down the bat bowl tonight.
09:15It's cold and steel and hard as a rock.
09:18And after we're done, we're gonna go out for a cocktail for two.
09:23That's what we'll do.
09:25After going down the bat bowl.
09:28That crazy, crazy bat bowl.
09:31We're going down the bat bowl tonight.
09:36It feels right.
09:42Oh, I'm very hands-on with my actors.
09:45Okay.
09:46First off, breathe.
09:47Breathe.
09:48All the way.
09:49Breathe.
09:50There we go.
09:51Breathe.
09:52All right.
09:53Batman.
09:54Bruce.
09:56It doesn't feel right.
09:58Batman.
10:00Bruce.
10:01There you go.
10:02There you go.
10:03You're getting close.
10:04No, no.
10:05Watch, watch.
10:06Watch me.
10:07Watch.
10:08Batman.
10:09Bruce.
10:10Right?
10:11Why not happy?
10:12Why not happy?
10:13Absolutely.
10:14Batman.
10:15Bruce.
10:16Right?
10:17Why not?
10:18Here, try.
10:19Batman.
10:20Bruce.
10:21There you go.
10:22Batman.
10:23Batman.
10:24Batman.
10:25That's gonna happen from time to time.
10:26All right.
10:27Toad.
10:28Okay.
10:29Okay.
10:30Okay.
10:31So then Timothy says to me, be there by 10.
10:32I said, 10, see you at lunch.
10:35Eliza put on a lot of weight for Copland.
10:38And when they went in an entirely different direction and cast alone, she was devastated.
10:43But, wait till the public sees her in this.
10:47What Tarantino did for Travolta, I'm about to do for Eliza.
10:52Oh, Joel!
10:53I didn't see you.
10:55Oh, who are you blowing kisses at?
10:57Don't you tell me.
10:58Don't you tell me, fat girl.
10:59He's a genius.
11:01Now I'm starting to blush.
11:02Liza, as the evil tranquilizer, has poisoned Gotham's water supply with the contents of her purse.
11:10200 million milligrams of tranquilizers.
11:13First, I give them a hickey.
11:18Then I ship them a mickey.
11:21Everyone will get sicky.
11:24And I...
11:30Mama?
11:32Mama?
11:33Mama?
11:34Mama?
11:35Mama?
11:36Mama?
11:37Mama?
11:38I like to think of it as...
11:40...the most...
11:41...Shamuckian...
11:43...Batman.
11:44Batman.
11:45He's coming out of his cave.
11:49Ooh, what a ray.
11:51Thousands of people to save.
11:54With a ka-pow, wham, wham, and a shock.
11:58He's the baddest bat on the block.
12:02He's Batman.
12:03I'm Batman.
12:05And he's out of his cave.
12:08Ooh, what a ray.
12:14Batman 5, out of the cave.
12:17Catch it at the Pantages Theater, September 27th through 28th.
12:27I have never seen a fighter take this kind of punishment.
12:30This is the worst fight of Mike Tyson's career.
12:33Mike, this is expert a la Horrible-licious.
12:37Oh, darn, I can't concentrate.
12:40Look at my arm.
12:41How am I going to go home?
12:42My kids are going to be scared of me.
12:45How come Holyfield's not scared of me?
12:46It's over.
12:47My career is so over.
12:49Nothing's over in this magical land of opportunitism and amalgamated palgaminity.
12:54All you need is something to quenchificate your magnanimous thirst.
12:58Get your squid-whipped and blisked tea.
13:01Get it while it's blisked.
13:04And Tyson needs a miracle.
13:06Wow, that's blisked, baby.
13:09That just raked my thirst.
13:11Now channelize that rabiocity.
13:14Go out there and chewify this guy up and specificate him out.
13:19Wait!
13:20You forgot your mouthpiece!
13:23Eeeeh, right, right.
13:26Tyson's back and he looks hungry.
13:28Oh, my God!
13:32God, that's it, Mike!
13:34Finish him off!
13:37Save some for the rematch.
13:39Wes from Squid-whipped and Tee.
13:41Drink it down!
13:43Only in America!
13:48Only in America!
13:49Are you enjoying this, the poem?
13:54I'm a tear for the world!
13:55That is...
13:56Wow.
13:57Good for you.
13:58Maeve!
14:00You are now watching mad TV.
14:04Maeve!
14:06Ah!
14:09Welcome!
14:10This is Cabana Jack, and this...
14:13Ah, ah, ah, ah, is Dixie Wet's World.
14:15I like...
14:23I like...
14:25Notice anything different?
14:27That's right!
14:28I'm having puppies!
14:30Oh!
14:31It's so bizarre.
14:33Before this, longest I ever had anyone inside me was 17 hours,
14:36and now that poor man's dead.
14:38Ah!
14:40I'd given up on the idea of motherhood
14:42until my surgeon, Mishima, pointed out to me
14:45that being pregnant pulls the skin down off the face.
14:49So he had the brilliant idea of replacing my uterus
14:53with a 22-year-old's!
14:55Ah!
14:56And enough about my little miracle.
14:59I have an announcement to make.
15:02Our musical director, Dexter St. Croix,
15:04has left the show to pursue his dreams.
15:08Whatever.
15:08So, it's time to bring out our new musical director.
15:14Ah!
15:15He's a brilliant musician,
15:17and so what if he insists on being called James Brown?
15:20I say if it walks like James Brown
15:22and it talks like James Brown,
15:24run!
15:25Ah!
15:26I kid!
15:27So without further ado,
15:29please give it up for the man who thinks
15:31he's the hardest-working man in showbiz,
15:33James Brown!
15:35Ah!
15:35Ah!
15:35Ah!
15:36Ah!
15:36Ah!
15:36Ah!
15:37Ah!
15:37Ah!
15:38Ah!
15:38Ah!
15:41Ah!
15:42Ah!
15:52Ah!
15:54I finally got myself a sex machine.
15:57James, welcome to Cabana Chats.
15:58Ah!
15:59Ah!
16:00Ah!
16:01Ah!
16:01Ah!
16:03I could just listen to him talk all night.
16:05Come to think of it, I did.
16:07James, what do you think of your brand new bag?
16:10Gentlemen, by the pivot, say,
16:12Pool Boy, all right!
16:14Ah!
16:16Exactly what I was getting to, Pool Boy.
16:20Now, earlier this summer,
16:21Pool Boy and I were attending an orgy
16:23when someone suggested the popular orgy game, Rear Admiral.
16:27Well, what's a game of Rear Admiral
16:28without sour cream and onion dip?
16:30Well, we foolishly sent Pool Boy out,
16:33forgetting that for him,
16:34the whole world is one big Bermuda Triangle,
16:36and Pool Boy hasn't been seen since.
16:39Oh, Pool Boy, know that in my heart,
16:41you will never be replaced.
16:43But for the purposes of the show,
16:44we're going to replace you immediately.
16:46And that brings us around to today's show
16:49and our Pick-a-Pick-a-Pool Boys contest.
16:53Who could that be?
16:55Oh, no!
16:55That is South Heaven!
16:57Ah!
16:59Well, play them in!
17:01Bye!
17:06It is the Original Goddesses of Groove, Salt,
17:21Pepper, and Spinderella, welcome!
17:25How are you?
17:27It's great to be here.
17:28We love you, Diva.
17:30We are big fans.
17:31Yeah, it's just like one of those old freak shows
17:33you see at the circus, right?
17:35Only sexier.
17:36Much sexier.
17:37Way sexier.
17:38Oh, well, that's the void we were trying to fill on TV,
17:41the sexy freak show void.
17:43Ah!
17:44So, what do you want with Cabana Chat?
17:49Can we plug something?
17:50Is it okay if we plug something?
17:52Of course!
17:52I try to have something plugged three or four times a day.
17:57So, it's our new album.
17:59It's called Brand New,
18:00and the first single is Are You Ready?
18:02And it's brand new.
18:03Brand new.
18:04Brand new.
18:05I'm sure it's fantastic,
18:07but everything you do is fantastic.
18:09You're salt and pepper and Spinderella,
18:10for God's sake.
18:14All right, what's next, James?
18:16Seven, two, three, four, three, four, five!
18:19All right!
18:22Okay, let's play in our first contestant, James.
18:24One, two, three, four, five!
18:26Come on, two, three, four, five!
18:28Two, three, four, five!
18:29One, two, three, four, five!
18:33Dixie!
18:33Woo!
18:34Woo!
18:35Woo!
18:36Woo!
18:36Woo!
18:36Woo!
18:37Woo!
18:37Woo!
18:37Woo!
18:38Wow!
18:38Woo!
18:39Woo!
18:39Woo!
18:40Woo!
18:40Woo!
18:41Now, the rules of the contest are simple, and you know them.
18:45First, say something dense like pool boy,
18:48then you do the dance of the pool boy.
18:50Okay.
18:51Howdy, Dixie.
18:54Uh, hello, pool boy.
18:57Uh,
18:57Uh, I ate a worm.
19:02Okay, how about the dance of the pool boy?
19:05James!
19:05Go ahead and dance!
19:06Bad, bad, bad time!
19:08One, two, three, four, five!
19:11Still beat!
19:12All right!
19:14I'm left!
19:16Ah!
19:17That's all, boy!
19:19Yeah, that's all, boy!
19:20Ah!
19:20See, see!
19:21Ah!
19:22Ah!
19:22Yeah!
19:23Ah!
19:23Yeah!
19:25All right!
19:26Yeah!
19:26Yeah!
19:27Yeah!
19:27Yeah!
19:28Yeah!
19:28Yeah!
19:29Yeah!
19:29Yeah!
19:30Yeah!
19:30Yeah!
19:31Yeah!
19:31Yeah!
19:32Yeah!
19:32Yeah!
19:33Moisture!
19:33Thank you very much, number one!
19:35Oh!
19:36James, play in contestant number two!
19:38Give it number two!
19:39Give it gold!
19:40It's hat!
19:41Ah!
19:41Gold!
19:42Ah!
19:43Ah!
19:43Ah!
19:44Ah!
19:44Ah!
19:45Dixie!
19:51Welcome, pool boy.
19:53Hi, Dixie.
19:55I, for me, just standing here
19:58where the original pool boy stood, it's...
20:02I just hope I can be half the man that he is.
20:04Well, if you're half the man pool boy was,
20:06you qualify for handicapped parking.
20:11That'd be great.
20:12Okay, I think we've covered the say-something dance part.
20:16How about the dance of the pool boy?
20:17Yes.
20:19Come on, Dixie, Dixie!
20:20Do it right at the end!
20:24Give me it up!
20:26Give me it up!
20:28That's the one!
20:30That's the one!
20:31That's the one!
20:32That's the one!
20:34Hey!
20:35Hey!
20:36Hey!
20:37Hey!
20:38Hey!
20:39Hey!
20:40Hey!
20:41Hey!
20:42Hey!
20:43Hey!
20:44Hey!
20:45Hey!
20:46Hey!
20:47Hey!
20:48Hey!
20:49Hey!
20:50Hey!
20:51Hey!
20:52Hey!
20:53Hey!
20:54Hey!
20:55Hey!
20:56Hey!
20:57Hey!
20:58Hey!
20:59Hey!
21:00Hello, pool boy!
21:01Hi, Dixie.
21:02Something stupid, right?
21:03Correct, the mundo.
21:04Okay.
21:05Knock, knock.
21:06Who's there?
21:07I don't know.
21:08I'm too stupid.
21:09Is that...
21:10Is that what you're...
21:11Okay.
21:12Perhaps it's a little bit forced.
21:13Go ahead.
21:14Try the dance.
21:15Let us see a big boy!
21:17Ooh!
21:18Rerun!
21:19Rerun!
21:20Rerun!
21:21Rerun!
21:22Rerun!
21:23Rerun!
21:24Rerun!
21:25Rerun!
21:26Rerun!
21:27Rerun!
21:28Rerun!
21:29Rerun!
21:30Rerun!
21:31Rerun!
21:32Rerun!
21:33Rerun!
21:34Rerun!
21:35Rerun!
21:36Rerun!
21:37Rerun!
21:38Rerun!
21:39Rerun!
21:40Rerun!
21:41Rerun!
21:42Rerun!
21:43Rerun!
21:44Rerun!
21:45Thank you, number three.
21:46Well, girls, what's it gonna be?
21:48I say number one.
21:50Two.
21:51I say three.
21:52Ah!
21:53That's a toughie.
21:54I have to agree.
21:55I'm gonna have to sleep on it.
21:56Or all three, if necessary.
21:57Ah!
21:58Well, what do you think, James?
22:01Well, you know what?
22:02I mean, here's the...
22:03Ah!
22:04I couldn't agree more.
22:06What a wonderful idea.
22:08We'll open this one up.
22:09Until we pick a real winner,
22:11let's let everybody have a shot
22:12at being pool boy.
22:13Now, if you wanna be pool boy for a day,
22:15just put yourself on videotape wearing a Speedo,
22:18saying something stupid,
22:19and doing the dance of the pool boy,
22:21and send it to me at Cabana Chat.
22:23And on that note,
22:24that's all the time we have for today's show.
22:26I'd like to thank our very special guests,
22:28Salt Pepper and Spinderella.
22:30I love you.
22:32This has been Cabana Chat.
22:34And this, ah, is Dixie Wentworth.
22:38James, some music!
22:39Woo!
22:40You do it!
22:41You do it!
22:42You do it!
22:43You do it!
22:44You do it!
22:45You do it!
22:46You do it!
22:47You do it!
22:48You do it!
22:49Yeah!
22:50Yeah!
22:51Yeah!
22:52All right.
22:53Coming up next on MADtv...
22:55You just need a little hair of the bean, my friend.
22:58What kind of coffee could I get you?
22:59I know you've probably heard this a million times before,
23:02but I'd like to smell you till I sneeze.
23:04That's nice of you.
23:05Ew!
23:06You are now watching MADtv!
23:07MADtv!
23:08Well, all the guests are here, the backyard is standing room only, and in a few minutes my
23:12little angel's gonna be a married lady.
23:13Mother...
23:14I can't stop crying...
23:15Oh!
23:16You got that from me!
23:17I couldn't stop crying before my wedding, either.
23:20Oh, I guess I'm just a little nervous.
23:21Oh, honey, everyone's a little nervous before their wedding.
23:28Somebody, I can't stop crying before my wedding, either.
23:30Oh honey, everyone's a little nervous before their wedding.
23:33Oh honey, everyone's a little nervous before their wedding.
23:35Woo!
23:36Oh no!
23:37Okay, I guess I'm all right.
23:38I'm good at playing one.
23:39At being in jail...
23:40Hey, my God.
23:41This is what Joseon's gonna be the only place I got.
23:42wedding yeah but look i've got hives you got that from me i got the same hives the day before i
23:48married your father here have a little more champagne oh no no no more from me thanks two
23:53glasses and i'm gone oh you got that from me your father always said i was a very cheap date
24:01mother i hope my marriage to bob is as good as yours and daddy oh me too let me ask you something
24:06honey have you and bob had sex yet mother oh come on it's just us girls you can tell me all right
24:15yes ah you got that from me i didn't wait till my wedding night to have sex with your father
24:24so how many times do you do it a night mother oh come on it's the 90s all right three oh you got
24:31that from me three always does the trick
24:39so um do you have to have sex every day mother oh you got that from me if i don't have sex
24:45every day i'm climbing the walls oh mother please hey did you ever pull over on the side of the road
24:53and have sex with a stranger you just locked eyes with at a stop sign oh mother you got that from me
24:59did you ever hike your skirt up while you were standing on a corner and charge some dumb out of
25:05town or a hundred bucks for a quickie mother you got that from me let me ask you this did you ever
25:13take the license plate off of your car then drive across the state line buy a gun and a wig and shoot
25:18a total stranger then drive back home in time for thanksgiving dinner like nothing ever happened oh my
25:23god you got that from me no mother i've never done anything like that oh come on little miss perfect
25:30you're my daughter you're a chip off the old block you must have done something well come on out with
25:35it oh it's nothing oh come on it already sounds juicy all right uh bob and i had sex in a motel one
25:42oh you got that from me i'm a regular motel whore afterwards to have something to remember
25:49i stole an ashtray you stole you didn't get that from me my people never stole you must have gotten
25:58that from your father's side oh thank you for ruining a perfect day mother where are you going
26:04to cancel the wedding bob deserves better than you how do you know you know that little thing bob does
26:10in bed with his tongue he got that from me stan welcome back i'm so glad you took care of your
26:31problem yeah i'm a changed man that's great well i'm gonna go downstairs and count some beans are you
26:36sure you're gonna be okay up here all by yourself oh don't worry about me i'm clean as a whistle that
26:40monkey's off my back for good i believe you okay
26:55monkey's off my back for good i'm okay i'm okay i'm in total control put it down
27:10coffee is not my master
27:29hello anybody working hey welcome to java jamboree what kind of coffee can i get you
27:38i got a wicked hangover you just need a little hair of the bean my friend so
27:46got a coffee can i get you i don't care just a coffee how about a sumatra the sumatra is really
27:50good today the sumatra imported from the sumatra the sumatra is fine coming right
27:54we're all out of sumatra how about some east african mocha matari anything east african mocha matari
28:07coming right it's delish leave room for milk what's that leave room for milk no problem my man
28:18did you just say that that'll be 201
28:25out of three um yeah you don't have a penny on you do you got a penny on your person somewhere
28:30you got a penny in your pocket no i said no okay well just
28:40change out of the drawer here there's some right there
28:43it's my 40th okay i'll tell you what why don't you just take the 99 out of the file here
28:54uh oh we're on the honor system here at the java jamboree
29:01okay you enjoy that mocha matari
29:03it's menthol
29:15it's menthol
29:27say
29:35say is that the classified you're reading there pal
29:39you're not looking to buy a bed are you i'm getting rid of my bed i don't use mine as much
29:43as i used to as a matter of fact i'm thinking of installing a small handball facility where
29:48my sleeping area used to be
29:55so what's the verdict buddy
29:59you want to buy my bed
30:01hey you know what you know what you didn't you know what your coffee's getting cold pal
30:05it's not a library drink it up for pete's sake
30:07that's right keep walking bookworm it's coffee it's coffee
30:21you know what i know just what you're going through sister i mean imagine how
30:41i felt when i found out my girlfriend was in the decaf
30:46it's tragic you know but you gotta move on
30:51so are you drinking this coffee
30:53i'll take that as a no
31:03boy
31:04tell you what i'd love to sit and chat all day but i gotta take my coffee break
31:11you know what there's nothing quite as good as coffee on a coffee break i like all kinds of coffee
31:15i like the beans especially because it's pure it's not diluted by the h2o if you know what i'm saying
31:23i like liquid coffee i like solid coffee like all kinds of coffee
31:29what are you doing coffee
31:33nothing
31:37you have a problem
31:39i can quit anytime i want no no stan you're an addict i have to fire you for your own good
31:44so you're saying i don't work here anymore that's right
31:49how about we sit out and have a cup of coffee talk this over no
31:53so is that no to the coffee or no we're not going to talk at all
31:56no to everything stan get out
31:59okay tell you what i'll give you a call sometime around 4 a.m after my jog
32:06okay
32:14mccall this is a psychic hotline we see a bright future just be careful of phil lamar
32:25don't work with him get on mad tv
32:27get on mad tv no
32:31you are not watching mad tv
32:38so salt and makeup right now and i'll be back in a few minutes for you guys okay all right
32:43come on girl we gotta practice this stuff
32:44well hello ladies allow me to welcome you to the show
32:51that's nice of you i'm rick i'm a producer on the show i produce
32:57oh it's very nice to meet you rick the producer we like your show baby you haven't even seen my show
33:03yet you must be spindle right yeah well you know i left all my glass slippers at home but uh maybe you
33:11could try me on for size see if i think that's cute and speaking of cute sweet pepper i know you've
33:23probably heard this a million times before but i'd like to smell you till i sneeze i know i've never
33:30heard that one before take it it's yours okay so where is the dazzling salt uh she's in makeup right
33:39now oh that's too bad i wanted to throw over my shoulder for luck she'll be sorry she missed that
33:51it's two o'clock you're supposed to get lunch over to the producers oh right right uh to the
33:56other producers i'll get right on do it now
34:06you were on shaky ground lady give them an inch yeah i'm guessing you know something about giving
34:13people an inch hey baby with all this delivering baskets and lunches when do you find time to produce
34:29oh well uh you know i i have people under me who uh you know take care of that you don't say people
34:36under you check out this player stay room under you for two more
34:44working under you so to speak well i'm sure we can come up with something
34:53looks to me like we're coming up with something right now
34:57well i'll get them first then me and you better be pumped baby because after that it's back to me
35:05again oh all right catch me oh okay where were we okay um i think we were reading over the uranus sketch
35:21right hi mom i'm on my way to the scout meeting now okay honey but don't forget to i know
35:36you know girls are having sex at a younger and younger age now and it's hard to get them to
35:40remember to take their birth control pills i used to worry about denise having an unwanted pregnancy
35:46and missing all that school but not anymore thanks to flimstone birth control pills
35:54thanks sweetie you're such a good girl oh boy dino he's my favorite mine too honey
36:01i have another one mom well okay but don't tell your dad yay kids love taking them because they're
36:09chewable and come in delicious fruit flavors and i don't have to worry about denise being the only girl at
36:15the explorer scout sleepover this weekend thanks to flimstone birth control pills i don't have to
36:22become a grandmother until she hits junior high flimstone chewable birth control pills they say bam bam
36:28to unwanted pregnancy 10 million sperm not growing also try new flimstone chewable ritalon and prozank syrup
36:36now in cherry flavor
36:50hey salem i missed my period again that's eight months in a row am i getting fat sabrina dear sit down
37:01there's something i need to talk to you about sabrina sweetheart you're a what you're a teenage mother
37:13oh my god yes it's sabrina the teenage mother she's a regular girl but with all the powers of a teenage
37:21mother but how can you be so sure i'm the father because harvey you're the only boy i've ever slept with
37:29but i've slept with a lot of girls i guess you're right besides it's your word against mine and my dad's
37:37a congressman so hasta la vista not my baby oh well i lost my boyfriend but at least i still have my
37:47girlfriends they'll always be there for me not so fast sabrina you can always use your powers to turn your
37:54best friends against you hey sabrina shouldn't you go to home ec why i don't have home ec next period
38:01well you obviously have something in the oven
38:09and you obviously have puke on your shoes ew look out dreams look out future here come the powers of a
38:17teenage mother well salem that's it my teenage years have been stolen from me now i'll probably
38:23never finish high school and i'll end up in some menial job for the rest of my life trying to support
38:29this child who will grow up angry and resentful of me and probably become a sociopath and men will forever
38:36shun me and see me as used goods sabrina dear try and look on the bright side of things huh what bright
38:46side well at least you won't have to be living here anymore what are you talking about i'm afraid i'm
38:52going to have to kick you out dear you see your aunt hilda and i are far too old to be cleaning up baby
38:56poo anymore and besides we're both deeply ashamed of you aunt zelda i think i have a solution to our
39:05problem see you in a couple hours young lady didn't you hear me i said i can't have you and a baby here
39:13you won't have to i'm going to the prom don't miss the fun sundays at nine after boy meets maker
39:27hi i'm carmen electra and i'd like to straighten something out carmen electra will sasso
39:35carmen electra will sasso carmen electra will sasso there i hope that finally cleared that up thank you
39:56i see i'm not wearing a bra though so this might be bad news
40:19will dad yeah oh man you are now watching mad tv
40:41all right everybody that's our show thanks for watching and don't forget to check out the mad tv
40:45website at www.matttvonfox.com we have email
40:59you
41:29That just raked my face!
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